On receiving Arsenal’s £40,000,001 bid for Luis Suarez this Wednesday, Liverpool owner John Henry pondered aloud: “What do you think they’re smoking over there at [the] Emirates?” The football silly season has returned, perhaps more loony than ever. Increments of £1 are very Arsène Wenger – but his sudden willingness to treble his transfer record (and, furthermore, on a convicted racist with teething trouble) suggests that he and Ivan Gazidis might well have been enjoying a Camberwell Carrot or two in the otherwise unused trophy room.
And to think the summer had started so sensibly. Before the last two weeks of 30°C roastings, most clubs had conducted themselves their business with the appropriate shrewdness. Chelsea picked up Schurrle and van Ginkel, with de Bruyne returning on loan; likewise Manchester United collected Zaha from the Crystal Palace school gates, and the promising Guillermo Varela from Uruguay. Liverpool had been the most effective of the fourth-place contenders, with Mignolet, Toure, Aspas, and Alberto all looking like excellent acquisitions at very modest prices. Amongst the clubs lower in the league, the snaffling of Ricky van Wolfswinkel, Victor Wanyama, and Marc Muniesa (by Norwich, Southampton, and Stoke respectively) caught the eye.
Since then, off-season barminess has affected clubs across the land. In the growing heat of the sun, common sense has gone out of the (hastily opened) window. Manchester City – bouncing back from the short spell of austerity that saw them haggling for Jack Rodwell and Scott Sinclair – have returned to the market of top European attackers like a nostalgic teenager to his Pokédex. The rabid snatching of Negredo, Navas, Fernandinho and Jovetic has had a hint of the “gotta catch ’em all” mentality to it – recalling the pursuits of Tevez, Robinho, Adebayor, Santa Cruz, Dzeko, Balotelli, Silva, Caicedo and Bojinov to name but a few, in previous years.
City’s spree has really set the tone for everyone else: United have been hurling money at a very reluctant Cesc Fabregas, Chelsea dusting off the blue carpet for Wayne Rooney; Tottenham went big on the reasonably unknown Paulinho, whilst Arsenal have been trying to splash the cash on the aforementioned Suarez and Gonzalo Higuain (who has just passed a medical for Napoli, sadly for the Gunners). In reality though, the glut has probably been provoked by mammoth deals on the continent: notably in France (with Falcao and Cavani the latest perfomers in their ever-improving circus), but also July has seen the long-awaited transfers of Thiago Alcantara, Mario Götze and Neymar. Gareth Bale could well be added to that list by the end of the window.
Of course, not all of the silliness has been transfer-based; most of the more ridiculous stories in the past couple of weeks have come from outside the boardrooms. The Asian money-spinning tours are always good for a giggle: for every amusing pre-season stumble against the might of Yokohama F Marinos or Singha All Stars, there is a bonkers fan sprinting through traffic for eight miles to meet his team. Throw in the bizarre controversies over Falcao’s real date of birth and Papiss Cisse’s penchant for Tyneside casinos, and you have a month of football’s finest cock-ups and craziness. Enjoy it while it lasts – it won’t be long before the headlines are full once again of indecent liaisons, referee intimidation and racist abuse.
