The football loan is a curious thing. Whereas the out-and-out transfer is a clear break-up between player and club, a final tearful (or not-so-tearful) farewell, a clear parting of ways, the loan hints at the presence of an iota of sincerity and even insecurity lurking in the murky recesses of the modern football club’s cold, black soul. Whether it’s allowing a young starlet to ply his trade in the lower reaches of the football pyramid whilst still having the decency to pay his wages or taking a brief break from a disruptive figure in the changing-room, the loan is football at its most romantic, a way of saying ‘never say never’ in a game otherwise dominated by ruthlessness and heartbreak, a bashful acknowledgement that while things might eventually work out fine in the end, in spite of how volatile or uncertain things were in the past, the club and the player going their separate ways may also ultimately be for the best. And with that homage to the temporary transfer, here is a short list not of the most inspired loan signings, nor of the very worst, but of the most surprising (and in one case, truly baffling) short-term stints, those football hook-ups that no-one saw coming.
3. Amr Zaki – Zamalek to Wigan Athletic
Eyebrows were raised when plucky Wigan Athletic persuaded obscure Egyptian Premier League outfit Zamalek SC to let them borrow burly striker Amr Zaki for the 2008/09 Premier League season. However following Zaki’s whirlwind start at the JJB Stadium, the supercilia of world football’s gobsmacked face almost vanished completely; not only did he net two goals against boyhood club Liverpool at Anfield, including a stunning acrobatic strike, his breathtaking start also briefly propelled him to the summit of the top scorers’ list. The romance did not last long. Zaki was fined heavily for failing to return to Wigan following a World Cup qualifying match with Egypt and left the club at the end of the season. He then turned down a move to Portsmouth after refusing to be a part of a squad containing Algerian and Israeli players. It seems that Wigan were wise in ending this relationship early.
2. Mauro Zárate – Al-Sadd to Birmingham City/Lazio
After playing just 6 games for Qatari outfit Al-Sadd following a whopping $22 million transfer, Zárate was sent off on loan to Birmingham City for the remainder of the 2007/08 season. Despite adding some flair and creativity to an otherwise dire Birmingham side, immediately endearing himself to the lovestruck St. Andrews crowd, his exploits were not enough to prevent Birmingham from getting relegated. The footballing gods (i.e. his agents) then decreed that the Argentinian maestro was to leave the fair city of Birmingham for the Italian capital of Rome, the birthplace of Western civilization, on the latest leg of his football odyssey.
After a fine start to his loan period with the sky blues of Lazio, Zárate caused controversy when he was seen giving a fascist salute whilst watching a game with Lazio fans, although he claimed that he didn’t realise the significance of the gesture. Naive? Possibly. Foolish? Undoubtedly. Following a third loan stint at Internazionale (it didn’t go well), Zárate’s football adventure has come full-circle as he now plays for Argentinian side Vélez Sársfield, the club where he began his football career. A modern-day footballing Odysseus if ever there was one.
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Julien Faubert – West Ham United to Real Madrid
Julien Faubert’s brief fling with Real Madrid in 2009 is undoubtedly the most bizarre loan signing in the history of the game, a relationship which is the footballing equivalent of Caligula and Incitatus. In order to truly comprehend the absurdity of this loan signing, let’s imagine a conversation the then-Real Madrid manager Juande Ramos may have struck with the chairman to push the deal through:
Ramos: Boss, we’re half way through the season, we’re the defending champions, I feel we need some temporary cover on the right side of midfield in case we get any injuries later on in the season. This duel with Barcelona is going to go right down to the wire, we need the very best.
Chairman: Of course, Juande. We’re Real Madrid, one of the richest clubs in the world; with our resources, we can bring in virtually anyone who’s on the market. Who’s your main target?
Ramos: Julien Faubert.
Chairman: Hmm, I can’t say I’ve heard of him. Do you have any more information? What club does he play for?
Ramos: He plays for mid-table Premier League side West Ham United; he ruptured his achilles tendon in his first season and made just eight appearances. He scored no goals. He made no assists.
Chairman: Impressive… and his international career?
Ramos: Just the one cap for France in 2006.
Chairman: I’m sold. Get him in.
After missing training when he thought he had a day off and falling asleep on the substitutes’ bench during a match, Faubert returned to West Ham United having made just two appearances for the Galácticos – making this a loveless loan that was doomed from the very beginning.
