Singer fills blank space in Merton JCR

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Merton JCR passed a motion on Sunday making Taylor Swift an honorary member of their common room. The motion, proposed by Taylor Swift enthusiast Rhys Clyne, passed unanimously with no opposition.

The motion stated, “In these dark times of constitutional confusion, the JCR could use a guiding light. To that end, Taylor Swift looks like our next mistake. After all, Taylor Swift can make the bad guys good for a weeeeeekend.”

The motion continued, “It’s gunna be forever, or it’s gunna go down in flames, or it may lapse in one year unless renewed.”

The JCR intend to “send Taylor Swift an open letter informing her of this great honour, and extend an invitation to visit Merton College at any time”, as well as mandating the Entz Reps to play a minimum of three songs by her at their next bop and to refer to the current Warden of the college, Sir Martin Taylor, as ‘Sir Martin Taylor Swift’.

When asked if he is hoping to have Taylor Swift visit Merton, Clyne commented, “She’s just a girl trying to find a place in this world, why not at Merton? We’re currently drafting a letter, and if she does come we’ll shake it off, of course.”

In the same open meeting, Merton JCR also passed a motion to make the bar manager, Dave Hedges, an honorary member.

Clyne commented, “Dave has worked at Merton for 28 years, and has been our beloved bar manager for 17 of them. He’s seen three different wardens, five different domestic bursars and thousands of students. He is an absolute legend and integral to college life. He’s been a spiritual member of the JCR for years, we just made it official.”

Merton JCR President, Daniel Schwennicke, commented, “Personally, I welcome the initiative to make more use of the possibility of electing Honorary Members, and I think Ms Swift is very deserving of this honour, mainly for the reasons so meticulously laid out in the motion.

“Our bar manager Dave has rendered a great service to the College and its students, and perhaps deserves the Honorary Membership on more tangible grounds. But I’m really quite pleased about both motions.”

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