The Czech president, Milos Zeman, recently remarked that the country’s prime minister could be removed by shooting him with a Kalashnikov. Although factually correct, which in politics is somewhat refreshing, for some reason the suggestion did not go down well with the PM himself. It is unlikely that Zeman was particularly serious, but the sorry tale of a political relationship that has turned sour over the EU is one that is only too relatable. Conservatives for Britain have yet to announce whether they will be taking up arms, but as news of Cameron closing in on an EU in-work benefits deal drags on, we would probably all have sympathy if they did.
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In other news, Google have given the tax office a token £130 million for tax dating back to 2005. And while Labour have pointed out that this amounts to a tax rate of roughly 3%, do not fret because the George Osborne has it sorted.
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I am sure speak for all of us when I say that multinational corporations don’t really bother me. What really gets on my nerves are those disabled people sitting smugly in their spare bedrooms. Surely it is only right that we cut their benefits by 14%, especially if it is being used by a carer. What’s wrong with sleeping on the floor?
The tax has recently been judged by the court of appeal to discriminate unlawfully against certain vulnerable individuals, but the government intends to take this ruling to the Supreme Court. Osborne is rumoured to have taken issue with the judgement, saying that that he also feels vulnerable sitting alone in large spare rooms. Just look at poor George, he looks positively petrified. Probably because all those blank sheets are his policy ideas.
Michael Gove may be the Justice Secretary, but he has not forgotten his roots in education. One of his first actions in the role was to reverse the ban on prisoners being sent books by their families, though presumably this does not apply to ‘Of Mice and Men’, which was too dangerous to be given to GCSE students. Mumbai’s police force have taken a different approach to fighting crime, instead using their new Twitter account @CPMumbaiPolice to put the pun in punishment.
Don’t let ‘hash’ give you a ‘tag’. #HoshMeinAao
— CP Mumbai Police (@CPMumbaiPolice) January 28, 2016
Hi! Have you ‘meth’ us? #HoshMeinAao
— CP Mumbai Police (@CPMumbaiPolice) January 27, 2016
If you roll, we will weed you out. #HoshMeinAao
— CP Mumbai Police (@CPMumbaiPolice) January 27, 2016
This has made me almost as excited as news that ambulances in Copenhagen are going to play soothing music to patients. This does raise serious questions though, what songs would you pick?
And finally, Oxford takes it last bow in the spotlight of the media. I have recently heard a very good solution to the whole Rhodes debacle: we should just turn him around to face the wall. Forever to be known as the ‘colonialist in the naughty corner’; that is, if anyone ever looks up there apart from RMF. However, because the bank was beginning to ignore their calls, Oriel have had to announce that Rhodes will not fall. Now everyone can go back to not giving the slightest care to anything that happens at the University (apart from that there are too many posh people, of course). Farewell national press, we won’t miss you.
