I expect you’ve already heard the big news. But in case you really enjoy covering your eyes/ears for long periods, here’s a reminder. My friends spent the last week writing erotic fiction for each other. I was implicated. The big reveal came a day late – it took many hours to extract some of the authors from their rooms, where they had worked themselves into various states of hysterical arousal during the writing process. But the Secret Valentine Project well and truly went ahead. And how magnificent the results were. Lustful and loopy, raw and romantic, the Valentine’s erotica delivered beyond any of our wildest dreams. Here’s a highlights reel…
There were some subterranean sexy times:
“A tremor shook the tunnel, everything shuddering except Johnny who stood strong- solid-continuing to thrust back and forth as her cries got higher and breathier. With a howl the train shot past them at breakneck speed, inches from their hidden cubbyhole, bringing with it the moment of climax. Her screams of ecstasy were lost in the shrill screech of wheel on track.”
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There was positive sexual consent:
“Are you OK?” Is this OK?” Izzy asked anxiously, catching Alex’s eyes with a gentle, questioning manner.
And even better plot twists:
“I didn’t realise you liked girls too,” Izzy murmured, standing on tiptoes so she could wrap her arms around Alex’s taller frame.
Heresy featured heavily:
“That night was a jubilee of pleasure, and fireworks flew to rival those of the Queen’s birthday celebrations. On they went until Phillip yelled out ‘bow down and accept my royal blessing bitch!’”
“She grabbed his head, pushing it between the soft cushions of skin, shaking ‘the dynasties’ like there was no tomorrow.”
As did Cary Rae Jepsen:
“You put your wish in my well/Please bang me, I’ll never tell/I licked your succulent bell/And now you’re touching me”
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“Hey, I just met you/And this is crazy/But here’s a condom/So mount me, maybe?”
Metafiction, baby:
“She let out one huge sigh. There was silence except for their ragged breathing and the wind and rain, now howling. His hand returned to its previous position between her legs, but she rolled away. He looked quizzical. She sighed again. ‘Three to five hundred words isn’t long enough for multiple orgasms.’”
A few bars of musical musing:
“Meaty paused and then, quivering, presented his bow. Sak took it in his hand and observed it closely, it was hard, and after Sak had admired its length for a time, he began to lubricate it, stroking it gently.”
“Meaty noticed Sak’s baton quickly rise.”
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Some questionably named genitalia:
“He unfolded the paper with shaking hands and shuddering breath. ‘I’d like our dragons to meet,’ read the lush, looping writing, ‘come and find me by Beowulf.’”
And some confusion surrounding arm ownership:
“’Wait.’ Babushka paused. ‘I want to be in charge.’ She said, as a smile spread across her face. She grabbed some tape from the draw and tied one arm, and then the other to the bed frame. The man didn’t know what to do, all he knew was that he liked it.”
How the group will move forward from this intimate experience is anyone’s guess. We have tested our bond, and survival is certainly not a given. Whatever happens, though, we’ll be releasing our first collection ASAP, because DAMN, this stuff will sell faster than LMH ball tickets (#bestcollege).
Wonderful writing credits (in no particular order): Tom McQuillin, Claudia Graham, Hannah Culver, Tilly Gilbert, Zak Thomas Johnson, Liv Withers, Joe Gage.
