John Maier (Second year, PPE, Balliol)

Bessie looked shorter in her photos, much shorter. This made for a deeply disconcerting start to the evening.

She tried to sidestep all the initial awkwardness by giving me a stern dressing down—and not in a good way—lecturing me with her school mistress’s eyes about my lateness and my appearance. In particular, she seemed quite bemused by my glasses, which she insisted were not real, and proceeded to rip from my face, suggesting a rather over-literal understanding of what makes the date blind. I interpreted this as an act of violence, and hid behind my menu.

This aside, Bessie proved arresting company, commenting at regular intervals about how well the date was going, as if providing director’s commentary on the evening. Fully absorbed in her self-appointed role as director of our date, she also acquired a rather frustrating habit of flouncing away from our table, often cutting me off mid sent-

Out of 10? 2

Looks? Subjective

Personality? Mostly present

2nd date? I don’t see why not


Bessie Sorsby (Second year, French, Jesus)

John looked taller in his photos, and less remorseful. Clearly flustered by his own tardiness, his lengthy apology was accompanied by a sequence of rather erratic hand gestures. All the bartenders within a metre radius of us clenched their glasses a little tighter, looking at me with a mixture of alarm and sympathy.

Yet, post this cyclone pantomime, we said hello in an ordinary fashion. My first impression of John was one of great skepticism; I quickly realised that he was the kind of person who chooses to wear see-through glasses. Not the actually useful sight-enhancing ones, but those with frames made from the same colourless plastic of disposable cutlery, the kind you find at weddings. Eye contact proved rather intense, as the lenses make his eyes resemble those of a bird of prey with vision eight times sharper then humans.

Saying that, John’s effervescent personality, wit and charm meant time flew by.

Out of 10? 3

Looks? Like wedding cutlery

Personality? Better than soggy Weetabix

2nd date? Dubious