Hear ye all brave men of action! A great tourney awaits ye upon the river Cherwell for the sweet spring is upon us and so, as the birds chirp and the sun warms the hillsides, ‘tis once again time for the Oxford Punt Joust! We call out to the great punters of all the realm to descend upon Oxford to show their strength before the eyes of our gracious and merciful lord, the River King who convenes this great tourney as a gift to his people.
However, be forewarned! The tournament requires great skill and cunning and only the very best punt jousters are called to partake, forthwith. Only a soul of great mettle might survive this clash of casual river rafts!
Believe ye strong enough to un-boat the great champion of last season, Sir Hamilton the Dry? Then come ye to the mouth of the river to sign your life away upon the mighty charter.
The rules of the tourney are as follows:
- The champions will select their punts and their poles at break of dawn
- The champions will parade their selected boats before the River King who shall grace the champions by presiding over their feats of courage
- Two brave champions selected by a soothsayer will position their punts at opposite ends of the River Cherwell
- They will charge their punts at full speed toward one another
- Upon approach each champion will raise their poles and attempt to un-boat his opponent with the sharpened end
- If a champion is un-boated he will be left to perish by the teeth of Drogor the River Serpent lest he swim to the bank!
- If no champion be un-boated they must start again or be called coward and made to wear the Crown of Shame, doomed forever to the laughter of the maiden folk!
- The tourney will continue until one great champions punt remains on his punt
- This brave champion shall be granted the gracious kiss of the River Princess who will present him with the Garland Wreath to have and hold until the coming of the next tournament
Do you possess the fire of heart to partake in such mannish games? Any man who dares to attend the tournament but is seen to display unbecoming character or cowardice will be fed to Drogor the River Serpent.
If ye would like to attend the tourney as a spectator, tickets are ten ducats. The tourney will begin at break of day and last until the final boatman has claimed his rightful victory. Any spectators who display unruly behavior before the River King will likewise be fed to Drogor the River Serpent. Children and seniors get in free.
