In a moment of divine inspiration, I googled this years predicted fashion trends before I hit the January sales, in the hope that this year my outfits might be both cheap and trendy. This year, according to fashion’s prophet, Vogue, short shorts are in.
Something of a staple of the 80’s and various periods in between, this is more a return than a debut. I suppose we should be grateful that they are an extension to the underwear-like bottoms sported by the likes of Kendall Jenner this past year. I happen to own tiny shorts, and wouldn’t feel a sinner wearing them in public. They’re cute, light, sure to provide some reprieve from the ever-rising global temperatures this summer, and totally work with tights if the weathers not quite there yet. They aren’t, however, without their trials.
A prayer must surely be said for the inner thighs. I am not referring to the omnipresent dialogue surrounding their separation, or lack thereof, recently renewed by the online ‘legging legs’ controversy. Shorts suit thighs of any size. I mean an actual problem, faced by anyone whose legs touch, in a heat wave. Chafing.
Hot weather, sweat and literally any movement can rub your thighs raw. When tested by this issue last summer, the only salvation available to me was something of an uncomfortable waddle. Anecdotally, I believe applying deodorant or cream are options, though more likely is the classic ‘grin and bear it’ approach of this hell we call fashion.
Similar issues arise when confronted with the need to sit down. Bare skin on any surface is a challenge faced by all attempting to appear a la mode. Metal is always either burning or freezing. Fabrics may be itchy, wood may be splintered, and the ground is a roll of the dice. One could always strike a deal with the devil and sit on a sweater, but is it worth the sweaty price of wearing or carrying it the rest of the day?
The word of Vogue may be as good as gospel, but this fashion resurrection has me sceptical. I have much more faith in their proclamation that we will see a lot of see-through skirts this summer.
An allegorical interpretation of this particular incarnation of clothing is advisable for any fashion disciples not walking a runway or red carpet. Whilst it does nothing to address the chafing problems shorts provide, it is at least a barrier between you and your seat, if nothing else.
The usual concern with skirts – flashing – does not apply. The skirt is already see-through, and in that regard something of a revelation. Splashing out on expensive underwear, but got no date? No problem! You can show it off to everyone you meet.
High rise trousers complete the trinity of options for leg wear this Spring/Summer season. Not exactly a newcomer to the fashion scene, they are already the soul of my wardrobe, the saving grace of the days I don’t want to think about what to wear.
Practical, modest, and most importantly including pockets which are either big enough to fit your phone, or could be altered to do so. They have the added advantage of potential wear all year round, instead of being limited to the brief window of the British summertime when it is both hot enough, and dry enough, to allow for breezier attire.
Perhaps fashion’s doctrine is one of suffering. Perhaps chafing thighs are the penance we pay for being on trend (though I challenge those who endorse any uncomfortable outfit to practice what they preach). Though fashion is not a religion, and we need not worship looking good. But I’ll be damned if I don’t feel blessed on days I put a little more thought into what I wear.
