Sunday 3rd August 2025
Blog Page 1089

Restaurant review: Taberu

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I’ve been to Taberu before. That time, the morning after the night before shall we say, I wasn’t much in the mood for raw fish and headed straight for the vegetarian options. You can pick up some lovely avocado pieces wrapped in sushi for lunch and be done with it. Delicious, I thought. Can’t wait to go back, I thought.

The time came last week. I was going to celebrate a friend’s birthday. There were six of us there, all crammed into a tiny booth in the back corner by the kitchen door. Amazingly, every table at Taberu makes you feel as if you are the unwanted diner being shuffled ever closer to the toilet.

No matter, I thought, since the food is pretty good and not too pricey. As we chat, the waiter comes over and asks what we want. I realise I haven’t actually looked at the menu yet and so hurriedly order a pork and rice dish with a side of octopus sushi. In truth, I wanted the sushi more to gain access to the pickled ginger than anything else.

I don’t normally have a problem with slow restaurants, but this was something else. One dish arrived: the pumpkin katsu curry. Delicious, the eaters proclaimed. But we were left asunder. Then my dish came, which was a small mercy as I was about to reach across the table and demand the leftover rice from my friend. The pork managed, at one and the same time, to be tasty but more greasy than anything I have ever put in my mouth. The breadcrumb batter melted away into an oil residue. It also had the texture of a fifth cooking, which was unfortunate, but did not detract from the overall flavour.

Other dishes continued to arrive in dribs and drabs. The girls next to me realised they had ordered one too many sushi platters. It was fun. Then I looked at birthday-girl, dishless. By the time we had all finished, her first plate had arrived. My octopus is also curiously absent. In the end, the waiter comes over with a plate of avocado rolls and two octopus, declaring, “I have brought a plate for whomever ordered one.” His listless voice was mirrored in the curiously flavourless and chewy octopus, nestled so bizarrely amid someone else’s food.

The eating experience was pleasant, if you can overlook the extremely long time we spent there (two hours in total) and the unfriendly attitude of the waiters to their customers. Bringing the bill over, he gave it to me (I had not asked for it) presumably because I was the only man amongst five women. Misogyny always tops a meal off nicely. The 10 per cent obligatory service charge was the cherry on the cake after that. 

Preview: Hyperdrive (Imps)

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Upon sitting down to a cup of tea with the director of the Imps, Adam Mastroianni, the first thing that struck me was how earnest he was in his hyperbole. He looked me straight in the eye, and declared “you have never seen anything like this before, and you may never see anything like it again.” His quite frankly alarming level of excitement about the Imps new show, Hyperdrive, I initially put down to the fact that he’s from Ohio, and like his countrymen, inevitably gets a little bit too riled up for his own good.

However, as we begin to talk about the concept behind Hyperdrive, I can’t help but feel myself succumbing to a touch of Yankee overexcitement. The basic idea behind the show is an ingenious fusion of very fiddly technology with the brute imaginative strength of the Imps for making stuff up. On the night in question, LMH’s Simpkin’s Lee theatre will be rigged up with 3 large projector screens, a smoke machine, and a drone mounted camera. With this array of tools, the Imps intend to create fake tinder accounts, spontaneously serenade people over facetime, utilise facebook and text messages to create an interactive and immersive hour of improv, that will hopefully make you think about the increasingly integrated and connected society in which we live. If this ludicrous array of gadgetry sounds exciting, then just imagine how Mastroianni feels about it – “a big kid in a sandbox full of new toys”.

The one niggle that I had at the back of my mind about this pitch was that it might be fall back on ‘let’s all have a laugh at funny old pictures on someone’s facebook whilst they squirm in their seats’. However, for the Imps, this would go completely against what improv is meant to be about – a reciprocal and constructive relationship between improvisers and their audience – nobody is going to be made a fool of, and you only have to get involved if you volunteer to.

Adam goes on to expound the values of improv, as a tool which teaches people to lower their inhibitions, be freer in their creativity, work communally together to construct something amazing. In short, to stop saying no, and start saying “yes, and?”

Mastroianni thinks that the UK is still a long way behind the US when it comes to improv – the art has yet to find a consistent audience outside of certain corners of the Fringe, and certainly hasn’t managed to break into the mainstream. The real problem with improv in Britain is that it relies on generic parody to draw crowds – ‘improv Doctor Who’ or ‘improv Downton Abbey’. However, Mastroianni thinks this infantilises UK audiences and presumes they don’t have the imagination or the enthusiasm to confront the genre on its own terms – something which he’s hoping to change.

The magic of improv for the Imps comes from the transience of it, no two improv shows will ever be alike, and everyone gets out of it just what they bring to it. As Mastroianni relates, it’s a bit like “the positive version of a car crash”, a single, fixed moment in time where normality is thrown out of the window and audience and performers are thrown together in (hopefully hilarious) bedlam. Adam leaves me asking you all to embrace a little bit of that haphazard spontaneity of the form – “this is really cool, trust us, come along”. Who knows what might happen on the night.

Hyperdrive is on at the Simpkins Lee Theatre, 11th-13th Feb, 8pm.

Don’t twist the facts: how The Guardian got it wrong

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‘Comment is Free but Facts are Sacred’ The Guardian proclaims on its homepage. Nonetheless, facts appear to be anything but sacred when it comes to Oxbridge admissions. In her recently published article Sally Weale successfully managed to discredit The Guardian and whatever truth was left in The Guardian’s motto.

The key point of contention is Weale’s ignorant, or perhaps wilfully deceitful, use of statistics in her discussion of Oxford admissions. The title of Weale’s article proclaims ‘David Cameron’s Oxford college [Brasenose] admits fewest state schools applicants’.

Weale’s arguments is based on data taken from a report from Sutton Trust, which states that only 11 per cent of state school applicants to Brasenose win a place. This is the lowest proportion amongst any Oxbridge college. However, using this statistic to imply that Brasenose discriminates against state school applicants is entirely nonsensical. The reason Brasenose has the lowest acceptance rate for state school applicants is simply because it has the lowest acceptance rate for all applicants, with only 11 per cent of applicants, across both state and independent schools, gaining a place. Independent school applicants do have a marginally higher success rate, with 13 per cent getting a place.

On the other hand, Weale portrays Somerville as a paragon of virtue, with a 30 per cent acceptance rate for state school applicants. However, an average of 36 per cent of independent school applicants were successful in their application between 2011 and 2014. The discrepancy in the success rates between state school and independent school applicants is therefore greater at Somerville than at Brasenose. This completely contradicts Weale’s claim that Brasenose is uniquely inhospitable to state school applicants.

One has to wonder why Weale distorted the statistics to pick on Brasenose. A clue may lie in the title of Weale’s article, that refers to Brasenose as ‘David Cameron’s Oxford college’. To a cynical eye, it could appear that Weale is attempting to associate Cameron with elitism and discrimination, and paint him as a hypocrite in light of his recent challenge to Oxford University to improve its access and diversity. The article perhaps implies that Cameron deliberately chose to go to the most classist and privileged college as a result of his ingrained prejudice.

It is a shame for Weale to resort to such cheap political point scoring, particularly at a time when the Conservative government is enacting many controversial policies, such as abolishing student grants and striking sweetheart tax deals with multinational corporations. These areas are fertile ground for genuine intelligent criticism of this government and its policies, however Weale seems to only be able to strike on a much lower ground, labelling Cameron as an out-of-touch elitist.

Weale’s article smears Brasenose’s hard work. As stated by Jess Freedman, former Admission Rep of the college, “Brasenose is involved in more Access Events than any other college, has more prospective applicants visit the college on Open Days than any other college, has more students helping out with Access and Admissions than any other college and has the highest Satisfaction Rate amongst students, and that is exactly why we have the most applicants.”

She was the girl that showed my terrified self around during interviews when I applied, and made me feel welcome and comfortable in an alien environment in a daunting situation.

What hurt me personally as a Brasenose student was Weale’s comment, ‘critics say Brasenose is turning down strong state school candidates who are good enough to win places elsewhere in favour of candidates from independent schools.’ Leaving aside the mysterious identity of said critics, I have witnessed first-hand the effort and dedication of tutors in selecting the best possible applicants. Such a comment is nothing more than an attack on the professionalism of the admission tutors at Brasenose, which is something that cannot be ignored.

Nonetheless, we must not lose sight of the actual problems of access at Oxford, Cambridge and many other universities too. Independent school pupils are still greatly overrepresented in our student body; they make up 14 per cent of sixth form students but 44 per cent of students from UK schools at the University. This is unacceptable, and a complex problem that requires a wide-ranging response. Schools, the government and the universities themselves all have important roles to play in tackling the issue, and collaboration is key. What is certainly not needed is simplistic, misleading and ultimately inflammatory rhetoric from commentators such as Weale.

Clickbait: The 7 Deadly Sins of Living in Halls

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For many of us, university is the first time we’ve ever lived away from home. It’s the first time we’re away from our families, the people who love and accept us no matter how much of a nightmare we are to live with. It’s the first time we’ve ever lived with other people, people who may not share our views vis-à-vis Iron Maiden at three A.M. To be honest, living in a new place with people we don’t know, intoxicated by the heady freedom from the rules and regulations of home is a learning-curve for us all. We were bound to make mistakes and make mistakes we did. At least, I know I’ve put my foot in it on more occasions than I’m proud of. Incidentally I’ve also plotted the deaths of many of my closest friends due to those charming little habits they all have which makes living in such close proximity to them a slow, agonising hike through the burning fields of hell. So, with that in mind and drawing on both my own faults and those of the people around me, I proudly present THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS OF LIVING IN HALLS:

ONE: Theft:

A communal fridge does not mean communal food. Look, we all understand it. You’ve stumbled in from a night at the club or a bender in the library and you really fancy those Babybels someone left in the fridge. Sure, of course you did, but the thing is so did somebody else. The owner of the aforementioned Babybels! What’s more that person paid for them and they don’t deserve it being stolen from under their very noses. Stealing someone’s food is one of the most callous things you could do. We’ve all been there, we all think we can get away with it, but we can’t. You wouldn’t steal someone’s phone or their iPad would you? Spilt milk may not be worth crying over, but stolen milk is quite another thing.

 

TWO: Bad Hygiene:

Maybe I’m a little guilty of this one, but it’s not quite what it sounds. What I mean to say is, if by some miracle somebody hasn’t stolen your milk and it’s surpassed its sell-by date, please throw it out. Please don’t leave a block of cheese congealing on the back of the top shelf. If you use the microwave and it gets messy, at least come back after you’ve eaten to clean it up. The sink is one of the best places to wash dishes; please use it! Do not leave them there in the vague hope they might spawn a new breed of life and earn you your dissertation early.

 

THREE: Noise:

You’ve got a tutorial at Nine o’clock, and you’re genuinely proud of yourself because for the first time since moving-in day you’ve gone to bed at a sensible time. You’re going to be awake, you’re going to be alert, and you’re going to be utterly on-the-money as it were. Then your neighbour comes charging up your staircase sounding like a herd of Elephants on World-Cup final day. There’s nothing worse than the steady rhythmic thumping of someone clattering about above you, it seems to reverberate through the walls! This one’s annoying for a million reasons, but it’s mostly that it’s just plain ignorant. It doesn’t take much to be just a little quieter and let everyone enjoy their night the way they want to.

 

FOUR: Music:

On the theme of noise, there’s music. This probably makes me sound really miserable and I don’t mean to say I don’t like music. Everyone likes music but the wonderful thing about it is that it’s so varied. This means that I may not appreciate a shockingly loud rendition of whichever K-Pop nonsense my neighbour has decided they need to listen to at cacophonous volume for three hours straight. Actually no, the rule applies for music I do like too. I’m not ashamed to admit I enjoy the occasional Taylor Swift song, but even she sounds awful when she bleeds through the wall, muffled and undecipherable.

 

FIVE: Marking your territory:

Everyone uses the same showers, and there’s not that many on the staircase. Admittedly, there’s always that one person with the bathroom right outside their door and I perfectly understand why they might be a tad resentful when they have to wait to use it in the morning. This is no excuse to leave their shampoos, conditioners and shower gels in the shower for the rest of us to trip over. The little town of passive aggressive reminders that this shower is close to your room is being ignored. Frankly if they’re not moved soon, I’m going to start using your shampoo and we’ll see how much you like that.

 

SIX: Taking too long in the shower:

Look we’re all waiting, and we all need a shower. None of us want to go out still smelling of last night’s takeaway or followed by that dank cloud of musk that floats around when you’ve been stuck in your room for the past three days by that troublesome problem sheet. Maybe it’s just me that whenever I have a shower I’m acutely conscious of the other people who might want to use it. Maybe it’s just me that’s developed the ever-giving skill of speed showering. Having a nice relaxing shower is a home comfort, like a full drawer of chocolate or a guaranteed lift everywhere. In halls it’s get in and get out, but if you want to sing go ahead, it brightens everyone’s day.

 

SEVEN: Moaning about living in halls:

We’re all guilty of this. It’s a natural transgression isn’t it? When you live with a small group of people the accommodation officer who barely knows you drew together, you’re going to get mad. Though life is much easier if we’re not ceaselessly ranting at each other about the little things. Bottle it all up, grin and bear it and then write a passive aggressive blog article about it instead. Trust me, it helps.

Review: What I learned from Johnny Bevan

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Blair, Thatcher, Poll tax, political awakening, gentrification and the disillusionment which accompanies growing up; these are all themes, which made an appearance in Luke Wright’s What I Learned from Johnny Bevan at the North Wall last Friday.

This was well balanced by the occasional effortless slip into a ‘made-in-Chelsea’ styled accent of Tilly or Milly and Nick’s panic at being considered racist, just because by the time he reached university, he had only ever met two black people (an experience to which I could utterly relate, growing up in moderately rural Essex). Luke’s energetic performance was utterly transfixing and his presentation of the reality of university life powerfully accurate.

He touches on the socially promoted expectation that you will meet your friends for life at university, defining this as people that fulfil certain unachievable expectations in your head, only to realise that people everywhere are just people, and wherever you go, you will always need some football team to pretend to support. The images of 1960’s high rises towering in the background served to situate the audience in reality. These were not just comical characters of an imaginary world. The failure of Blair’s government was a miserable reality for many.

The journey of Johnny from a poetical political dreamer to a wrecked squatter, terrified by the idea of repeating the pitiful life of a previous generation, yet ultimately drawn to that fate because of political parties which had failed to listen to voices like his, was a hard hitting punch of the unfairness of life; the presentation of both Johnny’s dreams and ultimate desecration, a slap of reality for any current student and a reminder to keep firmly fixed in the ultimate weaknesses of mankind. Indeed this was no easy ride for the audience; we all left fairly beaten up. Johnny’s desperate call to Nick: “Does it own you? It owns me everyday?” paints a tragic picture of a disappointed idealist. But for such dreamers, the performance grants no clear answer, apart from a warning of overestimating the world around you.

To perform poetry sole in a number of different characters for a whole hour is an impressive feat by anyone’s standards. Luke was meticulous in this task. As he took his final bow, the lady next to me expressed surprise that anyone could have that much stamina. This genre, a hybrid of poetry and theatre, is reminiscent to some degree of the works of Shakespeare and medieval epic poems. Dynamically presented, all in iambics and with an ending as upsetting as any tragedy, Luke Wright, in view of the current political state, is a poet to watch. Indeed according to Johnny Bevan, there are only two categories: ‘shit’ or ‘proper’ – there is no middle ground. That being the case, this performance was proper.

Review: Noose

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★★☆☆☆

I left this performance feeling distinctly underwhelmed and plagued by a vague feeling of just having missed the point. On reflection, whilst the overall sparseness of detail and lack of exposition was a deliberate part of the intrigue, it is safe to say that Anthony Maskell’s Noose is simply not the most exciting piece of new writing currently on the Oxford drama scene.

The premise definitely had potential: a chalk and cheese couple living in social isolation whose odd (metaphorical) dance around the eventuality of one of them committing suicide is interrupted by the arrival of a blind, American pilgrim. The cryptic dynamic between Jacques (Ali Porteous) and Seraphine (Misha Pinnington) was at first difficult to pin down, and in the end its exploration was too fleeting to really hook or challenge the audience. A production as short as this one (45 minutes at most) demands sharply crafted interaction between its central characters and this unfortunately missed the mark.

That said, both Porteous and Pinnington embodied their characters convincingly – Jacque’s erratic restlessness contrasted effectually with Seraphine’s cold stillness – although neither role offered the opportunity for particularly outstanding performance. The blind pilgrim (Josh Dolphin) who entered their world in a seemingly innocuous fashion but whose presence within it became increasingly sinister, proved to be a crucial plot device.  The drama that unfolded in the last 15 minutes was at points quite compelling and some clever staging was used in order to achieve this – for example the scene that took place in total darkness was ironically one of the most engaging. Other decisions were questionable: Pinnington interacting with her back to the audience for several minutes was somewhat frustrating and inhibited the expression of her character’s growing unease.

The nature of the play’s resolution was clear from the start, although the twist at the very end might surprise you. So is Noose worth an hour of your evening? Perhaps. If you’re in the mood for something short and a bit obscure then it’s worth considering; if however you’re searching for slightly weightier drama that involves greater investment then this is one to avoid. 

OUSU condemns Oriel College

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The Oxford University Student Union Council voted 81-5 in favour of an emergency motion with 11 abstentions in reaction to Oriel College’s January 27 decision to keep standing its controversial statue of Cecil Rhodes.

The motion, proposed by Vice President-elect for Access and Academic Affairs Eden Bailey, states that the Council resolves “To condemn Oriel College’s failure to follow through on commitments made to students which primarily affect those in already marginalised and oppressed groups.”

It also mandates “the OUSU Sabbatical officers to inform Oriel College of this condemnation, and the reasons for it, which include that “Oriel College have shown a callous disregard for the students who were promised an opportunity to be heard”.

The motion also touched on the role of donors, stating that the council believes that “Oriel College has a duty to support the education and wellbeing of its current students first and foremost, before honouring the wishes of alumni.”

In discussion, a member from St. Antony’s College made the point that a JCR vote in favour of RMF should not be taken as a sign of support for the OUSU motion.

Oriel JCR President Kate Welsh said that she would abstain as she believed there had not been enough time to hear why Oriel made the decision that it did. A motion to move to a vote followed soon after instead of longer debate.

Eden Bailey, who proposed the motion, told Cherwell, “This is precisely the role of a Student Union, to support one another when college authorities are screwing other students over and not following through on promises they have made to them.

“If a student union does not condemn this, what does it do, other than give institutional authorities the message that they can do what they want without any regard for students?

“This incident is particularly concerning because a promise had been made to listen to students from a minority group, who habitually suffer oppression and marginalization in college and university. Of course, breaking a commitment to any students is dishonest and unfair, and therefore unacceptable.”

Pipe Dreams: Dare to Share?

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My pidge partner never collects his post. I understand this shouldn’t feature significantly in my life. But Alan’s contempt for correspondence really grates. You see, however you approach it, Alan and I have an extremely intimate relationship. I cannot help but feel betrayed. The increasingly ostentatious stack of letters crammed into the narrow pigeonhole is toying with me. They are a constant reminder of the apathy of my non-existent penfriends. Each day a new envelope peeks an enticing corner out into the post-room. Each day the green shoots of my hope are sliced to pieces by the strimmer that is Alan’s enormous popularity. Dear Alan. Dearest darling Alan. Fuck Alan.

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Maybe I’m being unfair on the old chap. He could be bed-bound by illness. He might be engaged in a race to patent a multimillion pound discovery. Perhaps he is the fictional front for a network of university fee fraudsters. Whatever – it’s because of Alan that I have become an unintentional stalker. I know what you’re thinking. Horrendous excuse mate, you can’t accidentally stalk someone. Call the cops Jimmy, we’ve got ourselves a confession. But it’s true – without conscious effort I know which societies he’s part of, who he banks with, where he lives, the names of his family and friends, and which groceries he buys. That last one isn’t true. But it could have been if I’d opened the Tesco coupons. His unread Christmas cards haunt my dreams.

Alan got me thinking. This whole sharing thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, I think teaching a small child to share is morally wrong. You become the tremor behind the modern wave of unjustifiable chumminess. We must all learn to empathise, they say. Sharing is the first step towards kindness. Compromise is essential for a happy life. What they don’t tell you is how the amount of intimacy in your life will creep up and up to a perilous level. Then you realise you’ve been sharing a toothbrush for a week, you don’t know whose pants you’re wearing, and that your boundaries have gone the way of Jeremy Hunt’s credibility.

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It starts with the shared kitchen. It’s not the gradual merging of utensils and equipment. That’s almost endearing. No, it’s when you see dirty washing-up adorning the sink and receive an insight into the exact contents of your neighbours’ intestines. A rummage through the fridge becomes a series of 50 year health forecasts. Steak, cheese and chocolate mousse? Good luck mate.

Don’t even mention bathrooms. There are no secrets left when you’re breathing air which is 60% human. People have been accused of cannibalism for less. I encountered a sink the other day which was blocked by pasta, washing up liquid and clumps of hair. My life flashed before my eyes. What had I done to deserve this? It was as if I had plumbed the depths of the owner’s soul, and it had been found wanting. At the very core of their being was a slimy mound of fusilli.

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Noone really wants to feel like Sherlock twitching and blinking his way towards dark personal secrets. Sometimes you’ve got to grit your teeth and put up with a bit of unpleasant closeness to keep life running smoothly. But if you do decide to do intimacy, take my advice and avoid the bed. Sharing a sleeping venue is an unfathomable enigma of engineering. Formulating a mutually comfortable position requires feats of strength, flexibility and architectural ingenuity that would have won the admiration of the classical world. It’s in the name: single bed. It ain’t designed for two. Assorted limbs hang off various edges in unsightly ways. Apparently there are people who can reach orgasm purely from the feeling of damp laundry tenderly brushing against the soles of their feet.

I am not one of those people. Take my advice. Shun intimacy. Withdraw from society. Sharing is a one way street towards the abyss.

Review: Heavy Petting

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★★★★☆

Student comedy can be notoriously hit and miss – the cliché of the profoundly unfunny and slightly self centred stand up comedian is well worn in the 21st century. Cherwell is happy to relate that this term’s Revue show is not only a rip-roaringly hilarious night out, but manages to be fresh and bold with a relatively traditional form.

Bordering on the surreal, the sketches veer (occasionally haphazardly) through a diverse and striking array of comedic targets. There is a lack of the overarching, unifying narrative that has typified some of the Revue’s more ‘concept’ comedy in recent years, but this is not detrimental to Heavy Petting as a show. The lack of blackouts – which sometimes seem to demand applause or laughter from an expectant audience – make the sketches flow together much more naturally, linked by incidental music and very earnest laughter from the crowd.

This natural or organic style of sketch comedy really leaves room for the comedians to revel in their stage presences. The regular and forced guffaws of Jack Chisnall’s comedian persona making for a consistent thread in between the sketches – occasionally breaking the fourth wall in ways that stay just on the right side of the ‘edgy’ ‘post modern’ comedic voice. Alexander Fox also manages to summon forth a bizarre but hilarious self parody – desperately seeking the friendship of (and physical intimacy with) the audience.

Its at this point that I come to something of a dilemma as a reviewer. When I review a play, I can pad out a fair proportion of my word count with a synopsis of the events of the drama. If I were to do this with Heavy Petting, I’d basically spoil the majority of the jokes – it is part of the intrinsic nature of comedy, that like a magic trick, it relies on revelation and novelty. So, look away now if you don’t want to have one of the funnier sketches spoiled.

Still here? My highlight of this show was the phenomenal scandi-noir inspired Swedish version of Skins – entitled Skieoans [sic] where a group of teenagers bickered over twiglets and their love lives – made all the funnier by the stunningly shoddy accents on show, accompanied by apologetic shrugs as various comedians careered into cockney. Other highlights included Chesca Forristal’s impeccable portrayal of an alien, and Dom O’Keefe’s plagiarist Danny Dyer (we did warn you about spoilers!).

For fear of ruining the show for people that haven’t seen in yet, no more spoilers will be aired, but we strongly urge you to get a ticket for this sharp, 60-minute foray into a return to forms (sketch) for the Revue!