Friday, May 23, 2025
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11 ways Oxford is a little bit like Star Wars

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I saw the Force Awakens earlier today, and it was excellent. It also made me think of a few ways in which Oxford was actually quite similar to the Star Wars universe. So to celebrate the beginning of the new trilogy, here are a few ways Oxford is just a little bit like Star Wars

  1. Ever walked down the Gladstone Link tunnel and pretended you’re Darth Vader?

    No, me neither… but you have to admit, those space station-like white and grey walls make you feel like you’re in a Galaxy far far away…

  2. They’re big money-spinners.

    Star Wars has an estimated worth of around $30 billion, while Oxford University contributes about £750 million to the local economy every year. The Dark Side is rather like the clubs in Oxford – the Sith, Empire, Emporium – they keep changing their names, but they’re still the same old enemies guaranteed to give you a headache. 

  3. They both cause embarrassments we’d all rather forget.

    Like any University, Oxford has given its students memories of entzes, bops and society memberships they wish had never happened. We’re looking at you, Prime Minister. Whereas Star Wars has the infamous and hilarious disaster that was the 1978 Holiday Special, complete with a musical number featuring Dorothy from The Golden Girls. It has understandably never been released on home video and only exists today through underground bootlegged copies. 

  4. Identikit dogsbodies that keep the populace in line.

    Could refer to the stormtroopers or the Union’s staff, well known for their line-keeping and general subservience to the private members club’s cause.

  5. They’ve both been accused of selling out.

    George Lucas offloaded his baby to corporate giants Disney in 2012, while Oxford isn’t averse to private investment. How’d you think that ugly 70s quad in your college got its name? 

  6. They both have their own numbering system.

    Trying to explain why the first three films are actually the fourth, fifth and sixth can get confusing, much like trying to explain ‘0th week’ to your friends and family.

  7. Even the Force can’t stop fire alarms.

    While Oxford students are used to that one guy that sets off the alarms once a week, Star Wars fans can suffer the same fate. On Thursday, the George Street Odeon’s screening of Star Wars: the Force Awakens was cut short by a fire alarm. 

  8. They’ve also inspired imitations with different levels of success. Star Wars has James Bond’s bizarre (but arguably brilliant) Moonraker, and practically every sci-fi film and parody since 1978. Oxford has Cambridge.
  9. They both have a Death Star.

    Okay they don’t. But, the Blade Runner-esque St Catherine’s College holds the same utilitarian ethos of the Death Star. Its architect Arne Jacobsen designed every detail from the doors to the cutlery. We imagine Lord Vader would approve. Just imagine if it was squarer, with more concrete and less reflectiveness. 

  10. Science and the Arts come together well.

    While everyone loves a bit of rivalry over how Science students can’t write a sentence, and Arts students can’t count, we’re all friends with each other and live side by side. Star Wars combines opera, historical and classical allusions with science-fiction. In Force Awakens alone, director JJ Abrams has drawn parallels between the First Order and the Nazis who escaped to Argentina after the war. But the Nazi allusions don’t stop there, the Empire, the Jedi Purge, and more, are all interpreted as references to the Second World War. 

  11. The merchandise.

    We all know you can buy a range of Star Wars merchandise from t-shirts to dead-stock figurines of Jar Jar Binks. But you can also buy a range of Oxford-branded scarves, tankards to a teddy-bear in subfusc. How long until we see Lego tutors? Too long. 

Convinced? 

Why is it never ‘terrorism’ when they’re white?

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“This is for Syria, my Muslim brothers.” These were the words of Muhaydin Mire, the ‘terrorist’ who a few weeks ago wielded his Stanley knife at Leytonstone Tube Station, injuring but thankfully not killing three innocent Londoners.  This particular remark is what led police to categorise this violence as a ‘terrorist incident’, a description which, as far as I’m concerned, is not particularly helpful or accurate.

Now at first you might think I’m being slightly obtuse — of course it was terrorism, you’d say. There was a young man, of Somalian or Sudanese origin, speaking with an Arabic accent according to eyewitnesses, who set out to kill innocent people. What’s more, he was acting on behalf of what he himself described as his “Muslim Brothers” in Syria — better known as ISIS to you and me. His actions even seem to fit the dictionary definition of terrorism as ‘the unofficial or unauthorised use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims’.

So why am I being so stubborn? Why can’t I just accept that the Leytonstone attack was terrorism? You probably think I should just get off my lefty-liberal Corbynista terrorist-sympathising high horse and accept like everyone else that this is just a new form of terrorism that we must all recognise and fight. There is a reason why I won’t.

On Tuesday 10th November, a month before the Leytonstone incident, a Japanese national and octogenarian Yoshiyuki Shinohara chose to push an unsuspecting woman into an oncoming Tube Train at Piccadilly Circus. Luckily his victim survived the ordeal although Shinohara was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder. But nobody labelled the incident as terrorism. There was no blanket media coverage where politicians, police chiefs and commentators asserted the need for ever greater vigilance and ever-more resources in the fight against terror, stoking already high levels of fear amongst the population. It was just another crime on the tube, like the other 2,255 violent crimes which occurred on the network last year. So what was it that made Leytonstone so different from Piccadilly Circus or for that matter any of these other violent crimes?

Very little, as far as I can see. Of course, Mire did shout “this is for Syria” and his aims probably were political. But who is to say Shinohara was not harbouring some political motive and what reason is there to assume Mire was any more mentally stable? What’s more, imagine if Shinohara had shouted “this is for Syria”. I very much doubt whether anybody would have labelled him a terrorist. People would have just said that he was a crazy old man whereas Mire on the other hand was a young Somali Muslim — far more likely to be a terrorist, surely?  It appears then that when we use the word terrorism to describe events we do so not just on the basis of the presence or absence of political motivation, but on our prejudices: racial and religious. It is for this reason I am uncomfortable applying the word terrorism to describe events at Leytonstone. Worse still, the way in which we define terrorism also affects how we respond to it.

No better example of this is Donald Trump’s call “for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States” in the wake of the California shootings.  This typifies the often dangerous reactions which can be elicited by declaring a form of violence to be terrorism, demonstrating the need for caution before doing so. To their credit, US security services did this, initially refusing to call the shootings terrorism. Only once the identities and backgrounds of the perpetrators – married couple Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik – had been discovered was the label applied, due to the knowledge that they had been radicalised in Saudi Arabian training camps. Now, I don’t deny for one minute that the California Shootings were terrorism. Neither do I dispute that it was correct to express this fact in the media. My concern is simply the ubiquity of ethnic and religious prejudice when defining and reacting to tragedies such as this.

Take Charleston, South Carolina, where on the 17th June this year white supremacist Dylann Roof entered the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and murdered nine worshippers in cold blood. Very few people classified his actions as terrorism, despite the fact Roof was politically motivated in his violence, admitting his intention was to start a race war. He targeted people due to their identity, killing them because of his beliefs, like ISIS. The only reason I can see why people didn’t call him a terrorist was because of who he was, because he was white, because he was a Christian. None of these factors seem legitimate to me.

It seems then that we determine whether or not something is terrorism based on the race and religion of those who carry out the act. If this was of limited consequence then I might be more ambivalent but this simply isn’t the case. The fight against Islamic fundamentalists seems to permit us to step over an invisible line, to say things we would not normally think acceptable, to justify things we would not normally consider permissible: mass surveillance laws, drone strikes in civilian areas, Guantanamo Bay.

Now it could be argued that all this is perfectly fine, as long as it is only the terrorists on the receiving end. However, this is almost never the case, with those often simply sharing the same race or religion as them being caught in the crossfire. And thanks to our selective use of the word ‘terrorism’ it is mostly Muslims and those from the Middle East who become the victims of our response. After all, it’s not as though the Klu Klux Klan suddenly felt the full military force of Western Governments after Charleston with all whites and Christians suddenly becoming acceptable collateral damage. Nor did we see Theresa May calling for a ban on all Japanese nationals after events at Piccadilly Circus involving Mr Shinohara. 

So where do we draw the line? We start by using the word terrorism properly, ridding it of our racial and religious prejudices. We should stop using it to describe everyday crimes on the Tube and instead use it to describe events which fit the true meaning of the word, such as the murder of African-American churchgoers, motivated by the colour of the victims’ skin. Then maybe if we stopped using the word so excessively, and instead started to use it more selectively, our response to many tragedies could become a little less unjust.

Are Rhodes Must Fall student fascists?

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Oxford, like the rest of this country, is a systemically racist space. This does not mean that it is a university of card carrying, white sheet wearing racists. I am not saying that the UK is some sort of bigot-majority state. I, for one, have great faith in the good intentions and lack of conscious racism among British people today, be they white or people of colour. All this means, as the University recognises openly and is committed to changing, is that BME background people at Oxford and in Britain suffer serious and often violent disadvantages in their engagement with our society, through a complex of subtle factors: structural, psychological, often unconscious.

Curriculums across the board show an alarming preference for the work of white thinkers when there is no other reason to select them. According to the most recent information available about minorities in higher-level academia, a comprehensive 2011 University and College Union survey, Oxford has one of the greatest hiring gaps for professors of different racial and ethnic backgrounds in the UK. While 13% of the British population is from a BME background, only 3.9% of Oxford’s professors are, compared to 6.4% at Cambridge, 9.1% at Kings College London and 8.1% at Oxford Brookes. The University’s figures from the three-year period finishing 2014 showed a 26% acceptance rate for white applicants against a 16% acceptance for BME applicants, though this last picture is of course clouded by variation in choice.

A few moments browsing government statistics show horrific discrepancies across the country in far too many fields – try poverty, healthcare provision, severity of judicial punishment (for identical crimes, that is), police treatment, access to social welfare, housing, mental health and suicide rates, even life expectancy. Racism is still, somehow, an issue, and the numbers are too dispiriting for Christmas time.

This is the context of the Rhodes Must Fall movement, a Great Britain and university where – despite the best, most laudable intentions in so many places – racism still prevails.

This does not mean that we must by necessity take the Rhodes statue down, however. The way we interact with the past is complex and treacherous: it would be unwise to leap to conclusions and lob him straight into the river, like a replay of the Saddam Hussein statue in Baghdad – even though he was a similar murderer and despot. Oriel’s careful plan for a “structured six-month listening exercise” involving “students and staff of the College and the wider University, alumni, heritage bodies, Oxford City Council, residents of Oxford, and other members of the public” should be commended.

What is in no way praiseworthy, however, is any discussion of the issue that fails to engage with the voices of those who are actually affected by the issue: the individuals who undergo prejudice and systemic discrimination on a daily basis, who have these questions of racial prejudice, of the statue and celebratory plaque as very real parts of their lives. I wish it was, but the legacy of colonialism is not just some fascinating intellectual issue, three sides of A4 for Tuesday, but a direct and violent part of the lives of far too many students in Oxford. Any muting of these voices is toxic.

This is why much discussion of the issue has such pernicious effects. Writers in the national press have grossly represented the RMF movement as an “unhistorical” Futurist rush or wild Cultural Revolution-style book-burning erasure of history. It is, unfortunately for their website hit counts, substantially less sensational than either of these. It is little more than a reasoned call for conversation about Britain’s colonial past and present, and an objection to the unconsidered celebration of a hate-filled, deluded individual. Instead there are wild, paranoid accusations and a sort of witch hunt of imaginary bleeding-heart liberals, probably humanities students or vegetarians (horror!). The cause? A failure to even consider listening to the arguments and experiences of those involved in the movement.

A picture has been painted, moreover, of a powerful minority of student activists who are pressing all too successfully for censorship in universities across the country, and the Rhodes Must Fall campaign is seen as a symptom of this. There is a painful lack of faith to facts, here: RMF’s online petition currently has 2324 signees, a strange sort of “small minority”, as one group of academics described the campaign. The irony of accusing the movement of censorship is worse, however, and far more dangerous.

This movement was started as and remains a call for discourse. It represents the voices of people forced into a position of weakness in our society, who are still under-represented in British media and politics. It calls for curriculums that do not erase and censor a writer on account of the colour of their skin, and it gives sound to voices that history has stamped out until far too recently. Those who claim to stand for freedom of speech should examine Rhodes Must Fall carefully, and then examine the actions they have taken towards its voices. Who, are you certain, is silencing who?

Is ‘bisexual’ a dirty word?

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Bisexuality occupies a strange position in society. It manages to be mainstream and visible (a whole quarter of the ‘LGBT’ acronym!) at the same time as being very difficult to label and pin down. Of all the letters in the extended LGBT+ alphabet soup, ‘B’ might be the most nebulous. Anyone looking at film, TV or celebrity news with the eyes of a desperate bisexual looking for representation, as I do more often than I’d like, can tell that there’s an awful lot more bisexual behaviour around than there are people using the actual word. So while attraction to multiple genders is getting more visible, but not discussed using the right vocabulary, it seems to be the specific word ‘bisexual’ that seems to be a dirty word.

After a lot of wondering why that might be, I think it comes down to the very simple matter of a lot of people just not knowing what the word means.

We should probably begin with the important but more difficult than you’d think matter of defining bisexuality. The idea that it means attraction to men and women is now generally thought of as out-dated in a climate of growing awareness of non-binary gender identities. Though it is often pointed out that ‘bi’ means ‘two’, the definition that makes the least people angry seems to be attraction to people of your gender and people of other genders, keeping the ‘two’ that is so important to amateur etymologists and recognising the experience of many bisexual people who are capable of attraction to more than the binary genders.

Given the enormous amount of debate it’s taken for people to struggle to that definition, it’s likely that there will never be one that makes everyone happy. The one we’ve got seems to be mostly true and not to inspire great crossness, but it does make bisexuality and pansexuality very difficult to distinguish. With such similar definitions, it mainly seems to come down to personal preference for what people want to identify as. Some people say there’s a difference between pansexual total disregard for gender as a part of attraction, and bisexual attraction to all genders while recognising the distinctions between them. This difference works for me, and is the reason I go with bi instead of pan, but there are members of both communities who reject these definitions and sometimes go as far as to put them the other way round. But since no one really understands this and space is limited, let’s move on.

Bisexual erasure is all over the place in storytelling. Look at Orange is the New Black. Despite Piper’s insistence in episode one that sexuality ought to be measured on a Kinsey scale rather than thought of as black and white, and then going on to show attraction to more than one gender, watching the show crawl agonisingly towards an awareness of its protagonist’s apparent sexuality is like pulling teeth. In three seasons, the show has never yet managed to use the word ‘bisexual’. A dirty word indeed. Equally, the gay community’s (particularly the gay male community’s) adoration of Brokeback Mountain is very quick to acknowledge the validity of Jack and Ennis’ same-gender relationship, but not either of their different-gender relationships. With both fictional and real people, the public is quick to leap dramatically from gay to straight and back again without considering the b-word in the middle.

As with Jack and Ennis, so with real life. People’s assumptions about multiple gender attracted fictional characters illustrate a lot about people’s misconceptions about bisexuality in the real world. One of the most widely spread myths is that all bisexuals eventually ‘pick a side’ when they end up with someone of whatever gender. How many shows have we all seen where the kooky girl has a relationship with a woman as part of a grand will-they-won’t-they romance with a man, only to have her same-sex relationship completely ignored by the writers, the characters and the audience after she gets together with her one true love? I know I’ve seen enough.

This all feeds into the cultural assumption that bisexuality doesn’t really exist, that multiple gender attracted people always end up settling into heterosexuality or homosexuality. I’ve seen a lot of this first hand, as a bisexual woman currently dating a man, with my only other long term relationship having been with a woman. Am I secretly straight? Gay? Dreadfully confused? I’ve been accused of having every sexuality under the sun in the year or so since I came out as bisexual. There are a lot of pervasive cultural ideas about bisexuals, particularly bisexual women (from what I’ve seen, there’s fewer specific stereotypes about bisexual men who, for better or worse, are totally brushed under the carpet rather than just being gossiped about). Bisexual women are just slutty, just doing it to impress boys, just trying to look interesting – and if I ever have another discussion with a random bloke in a pub about whether I’m more likely to cheat on my boyfriend (I’m not) or be up for threesomes (not for you to hear about even if I am, random pub man), then I could well end up hurting somebody.

The ultimate answer to whether ‘bisexual’ is a dirty word, then, comes down to people not understanding it, the word or the concept. Nobody wants to use a word they don’t really understand, particularly when it describes a concept that might not even exist. For bisexuals, that means an awful lot of defining things to people, repeating the same definition over and over again, hoping against hope that people will get the hang of it. It’s difficult and it’s bang-your-head-against-the-wall frustrating, but maybe cultural climates surrounding sexual identity are starting to change, and you can tell yourself that every question you answer is you helping society move on a little bit. Whether you believe that or not is up to you.

Rhodes Must Fall respond to Oriel’s plan of action

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Rhodes Must Fall Oxford has released an exclusive statement to Cherwell regarding Oriel College’s major new declaration of its intentions for the controversial statue of Cecil Rhodes, and the treatment of BME (black and minority ethnic) students in the college.

“We’re happy to see that Oriel College has started moving in the right direction by announcing their intention to take down the Rhodes plaque on King Edwards Street. At the same time, their decision to maintain the statue but open a 6-month ‘listening period’ seems disingenuous, given that we have invited them to engage us in an open, transparent, and accountable way – and they refused.  (Brian Kwoba)

As indicated in the name of our movement, Rhodes Must Fall Oxford has demanded that the statue of Cecil Rhodes should be removed. Commitment to a listening exercise is not the same as commitment to taking the statue down. Our movement is concerned with symbolism as well as other aspects of decolonization, such as curriculum and representation. The action plans that Oriel College has committed to are a starting point in dealing with the process of decolonization, but they are not sufficient.

Oriel College has acknowledged the petition which has finally lead to a public declaration that Rhodes was a colonialist whose values are ‘unacceptable’, a label they resisted using in their previous statements. The college taking a firm stance against Rhodes means we can begin to deal with the legacy of colonialism which continues at Oxford in the form of institutional racism. Oriel College has said that addressing the experiences of BME students is important to the success of the university; hopefully they also see the way that these issues are directly linked to Britain’s colonial history and continuous role in global affairs. Additionally, Oriel College’s mention of fundraising as a core aspect of addressing Rhodes’ legacy means that they understand questions of finance to be central to decolonization. (Tadiwa Madenga)

In the short term, we want to contest and expose those features of Oriel’s statement which fall short of our demands, including their refusal to take down the statue of a colonialist who masterminded the dispossession, murder, and terrorization of countless southern Africans and imposed a regime of labour exploitation for the benefit of mining companies. These companies, such as Lonmin, still extract precious minerals and wealth from the Black African descendants of Rhodes’ victims to this day. In the long term, we aim to continue pushing for the other aims of our movement: decolonization of the Eurocentric and white supremacist academic curriculum at Oxford, as well as transforming the demographic representation at the university to reflect a larger proportion of BME staff and students. (Brian Kwoba)”

A response to this statement from Simran Uppal, Cherwell Comment Editor, can be found here.

Out of the Blue Christmas cover: a playful wonder

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Out of the Blue, Oxford’s all-male a cappella group, have stunned audiences this week with their Christmas cover of the infamous ‘Santa Baby’. As well as showing off their usual dulcet tones as a tight-knit barbershop group, the members, made up of students from both Oxford and Oxford Brookes universities, star in a fabulously light-hearted video as they roam the streets, colleges and libraries of Oxford. 

Released on Monday (14th December), the video managed to amass 100,000 Youtube views within the first 48 hours. It has also impressively been shared by the Huffington Post, the Daily Mail, Metro and ABC News. 

This comes as no surprise for the hit music group, as previous accolades have included a tweet from Shakira herself after they covered her hit single ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ which, in turn, accumulated 6 million Youtube hits, as well as raising £10,000 for charity. The group’s 2014 Christmas single was also exceedingly popular, as their cover of ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ showed the singers gallivanting around the Bodleian’s Old Schools’ Quad and Divinity Schools.

But these fantastic harmonies and cheesy jazz-hand shots are not all fun and games: last year the Christmas single raised an astonishing £15,000 for Helen and Douglas House, a children’s hospice in Oxford that cares for children and young adults with life limiting illnesses. This year Out of the Blue are hoping to raise a similarly fantastic sum for the hospice, and are selling the single with all proceeds going to the worthy cause. They are also encouraging any donations to Helen and Douglas House.

I spoke to Out of the Blue President, Deon Fang, who told me that the adventurous video was shot over the course of one day during their UK tour, with filming starting at 7:30am.

When asked how the group managed to settle on ‘Santa Baby’ as their cover song of choice, Fang said: “’Santa Baby’ was a natural choice for us. It’s right up our alley because it’s playful but also a serious Christmas hit, with covers by everyone from Ariana to RuPaul. It was an opportunity to nail our colours to the mast and make a declaration of style as individual vocalists – all twelve of us have a solo – and as a group. I also enjoyed how the video’s message of togetherness and finding joy in each other allowed us to satirise the over-the-top materialistic text of the song.”

One of the most impressive things about the video is the unadulterated quality of vocal performance professionally mixed in with the humour of the choreography. Fang told me that the video, choreographed by Laura Day, was “a chance for us to showcase the abilities of the group as performers, beyond musicianship and vocal ability. That’s something we take seriously and put consistent effort into building, so that viewers can hopefully feel included in the fun we’re having, whether on-stage or through a screen.”

Fang finished with: “It’s been thrilling and humbling to receive such a positive reaction from the media. We’re hoping the attention will translate to more revenue for Helen & Douglas House, who depend on these donations, and whose incredible work we are honoured to support.”  

Watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syOoUZH9rVk

Download the single here: https://ootboxford.bandcamp.com/track/santa-baby-charity-single

Battling food addiction: a personal account

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When I was about 8, I began to put on weight. I went from being a child whose rib bones were always visible to a porky year 5 kid with a tyre around his belly. We attribute it now, in a rather funny way, to the hazelnut and chocolate cluster cereal we used to buy. Portion control seemingly went out of the window, as my parents willingly encouraged me to fill a large bowl to the brim and top it off with blue-lid milk, and as I begged for more of this addictive sweet treat. A harmless start to the day, you might think. Every child loves choccy. 

However, the reality of that weight gain has become, and remains, a painful struggle with which I begin and end every day. Still, at the ripe old age of 21, my body is a bitter reminder of my inability to control my food intake. Throughout my teenage years, I now brag, I ate 7 ‘meals’ a day – 4 of which were bizarre binges. It was only in private that my lack of self-control could be exhibited; the cantine workers merely smiled when I came over, calling me a “hungry growing lad”. My binges would be concentrated, exclusively, on sweet and fatty treats. Blueberry muffins, soreen malt loaf with lashings of butter and chocolate bars were my three principal vices, from which separation increasingly felt impossible until the age of 18. 

Slowly, as the years went on, food became one of the only things I could think about. I became an adept cook. I also became rather darkly obsessed with Man vs Food, a show which taught me that mass-eating could be seen as a positive challenge. Maybe America would be my new haven. In the short term, however, there was but one thing on my mind: how would I get my next fix?

I cannot say I was unhappy as a child. I had the best days of my life at school. Still, I was addicted to food – and every addiction tells a story. Many people have told me it was because I was (until the age of 16) closeted. 

It is debatable what the exact cause of my sadness was; I personally think it had a lot more to do with the extreme and intense isolation I felt during puberty, those years when your sex drive goes a bit wild. Early attempts to watch gay pornography told me that sex was for people whose bodies were not my own; the fact I knew no gay people at all only seemed to confirm this myth, as if I was closed off from the (what I later learnt to be at times banal, and at others thoroughly unpleasant) world of sex. 

I have written this article in a past tense which belies all truth about my eating disorder; I still suffer it daily. When I was 18, I decided to “put a stop to it”. I went on a crash diet of my own design (you can almost certainly still find disgusting pictures of lentils and carrots on my Twitter feed under the hashtag “#jonnysdiet”) and did succeed in losing about 2 stone, which, for the most part I have kept off. This helped my confidence a lot. To look at me, you certainly would not think I had an eating problem: it is important to remember that eating disorders are largely invisible disabilities. For me, compulsive overeating can be debilitating and lead to bouts of serious anxiety. However, for many it remains a somewhat funny joke. When talking about eating disorders, compulsive overeaters are largely a silent and ignored community. In fact, if I asked you to name a celebrity who suffers eith compulsive overeating, you would almost certainly only be able to name Victoria Wood, who has emotionally talked about her own struggles with food addiction. It is just that: addiction. Other sufferers I know have embarked on the Overeaters’ Anonymous coursem, a twelve step programme which takes its inspiration from AA. I have learnt to deal with my own; through enforced periods of very healthy eating, I am allowed to exercise some control and the effect of the binges on my body is reduced. I have also turned away from sweet and sugary foods to dairy fats and protein sources in an attempt to reduce the impact on my body. 

This disorder with which I suffer not only wreaks havoc on my body but lingers in the pernicious voice I hear in my head when I try on new clothing and look in the mirror: “this outfit is not for you”, it tells me. 

Why don’t I just give it up? Get help? Food is not something you can simply cut out. Three times a day I have to battle my addiction. Not to battle would be to lose or to starve. Neither option appeals. The effects of food leave me deeply unhappy at times, desperate to be beautiful in a body I will never believe to be so, no matter how much you tell me it is. Yet, food remains my crutch and at times my obsession; is it any wonder that if you, dear reader, search this website, you will find me editing a page of my own. That page happens to be entitled “Food and Drink”. 

Jose Mourinho – a specialist in failure?

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Jose Mourinho’s second spell at Chelsea came to an end today after a disastrous start to the season: Chelsea lie just one point above the relegation zone.

Chelsea’s season began with a draw against Swansea, a result that was followed by Mourinho’s first scapegoat, the club doctor Eva Carneiro. When defeats against Manchester City, Crystal Palace and Everton followed, it was clear Chelsea were struggling, in fact, they recorded the worst Premier League start from any reigning champion, ever. Even still, journalists and ex-professionals alike were certain that Mourinho and Chelsea would recover; surely Champions League football would still be a feasible aim. That is looking increasingly unlikely. The pundits were wrong, Mourinho has been unable to turn it around and defeats against newly promoted Bournemouth and high flying Leicester pushed the club’s management to tipping point, and now Mourinho has run out of time.

As the inevitable revelations emerge in the coming weeks, the reasons for Chelsea’s crisis will become clearer. For now though, it is clear the troubles run deep, with rumours that Mourinho lost the dressing room likely to line the national press in the days to come. After Chelsea’s defeat at the King Power Stadium, Mourinho claimed he felt ‘betrayed’ by his players. In a career full of notable outbursts, the Chelsea manager verbally attacked his players for one of the first times. In the past, whether it was the club doctor, referees or ball boys, Mourinho ensured responsibility for the club’s failings did not publicly fall upon the players in his charge. On Saturday night however, this did not seem so important, Mourinho’s relationship with his players had hit an all-time low; attacking his own players proved the final straw for the Chelsea board.

Jose’s sacking will do nothing to stave off the opinion that his leadership style is simply too divisive. He has only ever lasted three whole seasons once, with Real Madrid. Even at the Bernabeu, he alienated the dressing room, especially Iker Casillas, and parallels can be drawn to his treatment of Chelsea’s senior players, namely John Terry following the now infamous half-time substitution against Manchester City. In fact, of the four clubs he has managed for a significant period of time, there has been tension with key figures at them all, and at both Madrid and Chelsea, on-pitch failure eventually followed.

Of course, given Mourinho’s competitive nature, he will surely look to go out on his own terms. Despite his reputation for divisiveness, it is difficult to question the successes that go before him. One thing is for certain – with his penchant for drama, Mourinho’s next move is likely to be highly anticipated, and extremely public.

What next for Chelsea? The bookmakers have Guus Hiddink, having already taken the Chelsea helm in 2012, and Juande Ramos of Tottenham fame, as favourites to replace the outgoing Portguese. Perhaps this decision has come early enough in the season for Chelsea to salvage Champions League football, perhaps the board will be justified in its decision. For now though, as Chelsea prepare to face Sunderland this weekend, many fans will vocally bemoan the departure of Chelsea’s most decorated manager.

Star Wars screening false alarm

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Oxford University students were among hundreds of fans evacuated from a midnight showing of Star Wars: The Force Awakens at the George Street Odeon Cinema last night, following a false fire alarm.

According to witnesses, half an hour through the film there was a bang followed by a blackout, during which the fire alarm went off. Customers were evacuated outside, and although they were later allowed to return to the cinema, they were asked to go home after half an hour, during which time the screen remained blank. A broken 3D projector is believed to have caused the disruption.

Matt Sumption, a PPE student, described the atmosphere at the cinema: “Suddenly everything cut out and there was a loud noise… there was a slight smell of burning. Everyone filed out, annoyed but still good natured.” Watching the film with other members of ‘Order 66’, Oxford University’s Star Wars fan-group, Sumption had gone dressed as Han Solo; he recalled, “It was quite surreal, as I was dressed in my most dashing Han Solo outfit; there was Princess Leia and Chewbacca all outside.”

Sumption criticised the cinema’s handling of the incident, commenting to Cherwell, “’It is no exaggeration to say this was an egregious example of incompetence, similar to that of the intelligence of the Rebels Alliance with regards to the Second Death Star in The Return of the Jedi. To manage to break your only 3D projector AND send your audience home on the UK Premiere of the most anticipated film of the last 5 years – this truly was a cockup of truly galactic proportions.” He added, “Staying up, with all your friends, it’s something people were really looking forward to so this was a disaster.”

Odeon Cinemas have apologised for the disappointment caused last night; a spokeswoman for the company said, “Guests were evacuated as a safety precaution following the activation of our fire alarm system. We’re offering guests a full refund and will do everything to help them see the film as soon as possible.” Oxfordshire Fire and Rescue are treating the call as a false alarm.

 

Oriel releases RMF statement

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In response to the petition organised by the Rhodes Must Fall In Oxford movement, Oriel College has released a statement setting out its position on the legacy of Cecil Rhodes. The statement pledges to improve the College’s BME provision and remove a plaque commemorating Rhodes, and to conduct a listening exercise to consider what might be done about the statue of Rhodes.

Released online on the 17th December, the statement sets out the three key positions of the College: that “the representation and experience of BME (Black and Minority Ethnic) students and staff in the University of Oxford, including Oriel College, need to improve”; that “the College does not share Cecil Rhodes’s values or condone his racist views or actions”; and that the College will “commit to ensuring that acknowledgement of the historical fact of Rhodes’s bequest to the College does not suggest celebration of his unacceptable views and actions, and… commit to placing any recognition of his bequest in a clear historical context.”

The online report goes on to announce that the College is “starting the process of consultation with Oxford City Council this week in advance of submitting a formal application for consent to remove the Rhodes plaque on No. 6 King Edward Street”. The statement describes the plaque as a “political tribute” to Rhodes, but Oriel cannot remove it immediately because it is in a conservation area. The College will also “put in place a series of substantive actions to improve the experience and representation of ethnic minorities in Oriel”, including greater equality and diversity training, and “fund and support a series of lectures and other events examining race equality and the continuing history of colonialism and its consequences.”

Regarding the statue of Cecil Rhodes, which this term’s protests have centred on, the statement acknowledges that “it can be seen as an uncritical celebration of a controversial figure, and the colonialism and the oppression of black communities he represents”; it also notes, however, that “any changes… would require planning consent.” The College has therefore resolved to conduct a six-month listening exercise, consulting students, staff, alumni, heritage organisations and Oxford residents on the future of the Grade II listed statue. In the meantime, the College will put an explanatory notice in the window beside the statue.

Commenting to Cherwell, Charlotte Ezaz, organising member of the Rhodes Must Fall campaign, said as follows: “We are pleased to see Oriel has acknowledged the harm caused by symbols of Rhodes, which they have accepted are inconsistent with the values and ethos it claims to foster. Their consideration of our petition, and subsequent response with altered positionality, is a testament to how social activism seeking to decolonize can galvanise change at an institutional level. The hard work of our members and the turn out at our Protest last term has been central in bringing about this engagement, that has finally put an end to the use of violent languages of ‘patron’, ‘businessman’, and ‘benefactor’ to describe Rhodes, a genocidal colonialist. The removal of a plaque openly venerating Rhodes is the first step in a process of decolonisation. It is an obvious contradiction in consistency to accept our arguments, remove the plaque, but not the statue. Therefore momentum of RMFs demands will be maintained until the decision is made to imminently remove the statue of Rhodes. We do not believe that six months is an acceptable amount of time for a process of “listening” or surveying; our petition is testament to the overwhelming amount of opinion in favour of the removal of the Rhodes statue, as it was surveyed with this exact purpose of gauging support.”

In Saturday’s edition of the Daily Telegraph, a group of academics led by Frank Furedi, Professor of Sociology at Canterbury University, have warned that pressure from student movements such as Rhodes Must Fall threatens free speech on university campuses. In an open letter, they note “Few academics challenge censorship that emerges from students. It is important that more do, because a culture that restricts the free exchange of ideas encourages self-censorship and leaves people afraid to express their views in case they may be misinterpreted.” The academics identify a “small but vocal minority” of student activists who exert intimidating pressure in favour of censorship, and conclude the letter by stating that “students who are offended by opposing views are perhaps not yet ready to be at university.”