Thursday 21st August 2025
Blog Page 1199

The Fire this Time

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There was death and there was anger. There were lootings and there were arrests. There was a president consoling his people, telling them that education would solve the day, and there was a lifted curfew.

But now what?

The story of the Baltimore riots paints an all-too familiar picture. With around 70 unarmed black people having now been murdered by US police (TIME magazine), it’s obvious that the only consistent form of change that is happening is the increasing number of names being added to the extermination list.

The death of Freddie Gray on 19th April, an unarmed 25-year-old African American man who sustained fatal spinal injuries whilst kept in policy custody, provoked protests from many of Baltimore’s ethnic communities.

Instead of focusing on the brutality and injustice of the treatment of Freddie Gray, many media outlets instead decided to centre reports on the violent minority of Baltimore’s protesters. According to Brian Spector, writer for The Baltimore Sun, what we need is ‘…an all-out “war on thugs”. But I beg to differ. What we need is an all-out war on racial hatred and the misuse of police power. What we need is to realise that racism not only still exists, but that it exists in an incredibly institutionalised form and needs to be addressed. Besides, by using the word ‘thugs’, Spector fails to acknowledge the preliminary cause of the violent protests.

Tim Keller, an American preacher, once wrote that the root of all anger is love, which at first appears an incredibly incongruent analogy to make. After all, the word anger is imbued with so many negative connotations whereas love is, well, love. But think about it: why does it anger us so much when our next door neighbour decides that, despite the total lack of soundproofed walls, 3am is the perfect time to Skype a friend? It’s because we love our sleep. Or, on a more serious note, why does the thought of anybody speaking badly of our family make our blood run cold? Because for most of us, family is the one thing we love and treasure above all else.

And the same sentiment applies to the riots. Whilst I do not condone the violence expressed in Baltimore, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t moved by it, as it seems that stemming from the protests was the deep love the men held for their fellow African Americans, many of whom are still forced to feel the excruciating pain of years and years of racial oppression.

There’s something about the shared experience of oppression that draws people closer together. Of course this is not always the case. I know from first hand experience that in many instances it is black people who are the instigators of racial prejudice against other members of the black community and we ought to be ashamed of this. However (and yes, you can call me an idealist) I’d like to believe that the hearts of the rioters were bleeding over the deaths of Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Freddie Gray and the many other unarmed black men who have been brutally murdered by so-called law-abiding policemen without even being given a spot in their states’ weeklies to show for it.

Obama was right in suggesting that ‘…law is not always applied evenly’ in America. One need only recall the US Department of Justice’s refusal to charge George Zimmerman with committing a hate crime following his shooting of unarmed Trayvon Martin. However it would be far from right to claim that the USA is the only nation with a history of racism- institutional or otherwise. It still baffles me to think that it took the British justice system almost 19 years to convict Dobson and Norris of Stephen Lawrence’s death when it is likely that the names of the suspects were in reach of the Metropolitan police just a day after the attack took place (BBC News).

The truth of the matter is that we live in a world where a policeman can murder a man in cold blood simply because of the colour of his skin and turn a blind eye to it. We live in a world where people can see the statement ‘Black lives matter’ and, through words, deeds or thoughts, brush it off, and say: “No, they really don’t.”

 

 

Preview: Beachcombing

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Having snatched not only the best new writing but also best production award at last year’s cuppers festival, Jack Clover’s writing and directing talents will grace the Oxford stage once more. His latest show Beachcombing charts the relationship between a lost girl and the priest in whose Church she seeks refuge one desolate evening. From my all too brief audience with the production, it seems to me this is set to be yet another triumph for a figure, set to become a big name in Oxford drama.

Like Clover’s last play, Beachcombing is set on the Essex coast, a landscape that seems to hold some fascination for him. It is a fascination reflected not only in the texture of the work but also in the lives and thoughts of his characters. When we first meet James (the priest played by Will Stanford), we see him gazing out over the waters of the north-sea. It’s three am and as he contemplatively sits, trying to monologue away the hurt following the death of his wife. Unbeknownst to him, the curious eyes of a shelter seeking Amy (Aoife Cantrill) observe his every seaward stare. She too is compelled by something about the sea. When James talks about the need to acknowledge the sea if living near it is to make any sense, Amy keeps pressing what’s beyond the horizon and even beyond that. What exactly it is they seek therein I couldn’t tell you, but I look forward to finding out. 

The set up of the play, may raise an eyebrow. With the recent controversies of historic child abuse, in and out of the church, the play certainly touches on some sensitive issues. James is in his middle ages, while Amy is aged somewhere in her late teens. How Clover will handle the dynamic of their relationship will be pivotal not only to the dramatic success of the play but also in defining its position with regard to these difficult issues.

One strategy used to explore the characters’ relationship, is also one of the most intriguing stylistic elements of the play. Clover punctuates the drama with choreographed interludes set to music. These moments mix elements of dance and physical theatre to illustrate the development of their relationship. In the one I saw, something of their tentative sexuality was expressed with the two characters playfully yet cautiously touching each other’s knees. It was interesting to see how every movement made by one of the pair was mirrored by the other; neither seemed to be the dominant/leading one. Although its at the BT, fear not, the soundtrack is not the usual fare of ostentatiously obscure dance music. Instead we are treated to delicate atmospheric Dylan numbers such as “She Belongs to Me”. In the scene I saw, it provided a meditative and very touching counterpoint to the action.

This music also adds to the sense of place constantly conveyed by Clover’s interest in this landscape. There is a happy meeting in his mellow music choices and his character’s physical and verbal ruminations about the sea. It’s hard to describe exactly how it clicks, but it really does.

This is not however the only happy pairing. Cantrill and Stanford complement each other marvelously. Cantrill’s inquisitive and impulsive characterization plays well to the indecisive and rather mellow James. Both seem to inhabit their characters very naturally and their ease with their roles will no doubt carry the drama in the intimacy of the BT. All in all, Beachcombing promises to be an extremely intriguing and original production.

Is it OK to be mean to Tories?

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It seems Tories are a bit upset. Initially, this comes as a bit of a surprise. They just won an election against all the odds, didn’t they? Shouldn’t they be over the moon?

 The Left, it seems, has not taken defeat well. Not only have thousands of anti-austerity protesters gathered in Downing Street, but #ToriesOutNow is still going strong, and #LowerThanVermin appears to have gained pace as a descriptor for those who subscribe to the conservative ideology (though, admittedly, the top results on Twitter are mostly Conservatives complaining about it).

The cry comes from the Right – as it does so often – that people are making politics too personal. It’s all very well to disagree with us politically, say the Tories, but this kind of personal attack is unwarranted. Labour supporters should stop being such sore losers.

The vilification of Conservative voters on social media has often been put down to the prevalence of ‘shy Tories’. Apparently, these mild-mannered and retiring fans of fiscal austerity are also the reason the polls were so wrong. While it seems clear that anyone who is ashamed to reveal their political views should probably indulge in some self-examination, shy Tories probably are made shyer by the rudeness of their peers.

Why is it that this kind of vitriol only seems to flow one way? Conservative voters have argued – almost definitely correctly – that if Labour had won the election, the reverse situation would not have taken hold. So is there something inherently nasty about left wing politics?

The nature of the election campaign we’ve just seen, in which Miliband was accused of planning to stab his country in the back, and was the victim of a relentless media campaign which bordered on the anti-Semitic in its ruthless, Murdoch-inspired zeal to keep him out of government, would suggest the opposite.

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The reason is more obvious than that.

If you’re a Conservative voter, you probably believe that Labour, had they got into power, would have wrecked the economy. They did it before, they’ll do it again. Don’t let Ed Balls near the budget. We know the arguments by now.

If you’re a Labour voter, on the other hand, or at least a left-wing anti-Tory voter (it seems we can’t all get together these days), you probably believe that the cuts the Tories plan to implement will cause death.

It’s been a hard five years for many people, not least for author Paul Reekie, who killed himself after his incapacity and housing benefits were stopped; not least for unemployed dad Richard Sanderson, who took his own life when housing benefit cuts left him and his family homeless; not least for diabetic former soldier David Clapson, who failed to turn up to two job centre interviews, had his benefits removed for a month, and died two weeks later when his insulin couldn’t be refrigerated.

Is it surprising that those who fear that they or their loved ones might be next are angry, and blame personally those members of the electorate who have empowered the Conservative Party to continue this deadly program of ideological austerity?

But there is a wider point to be made here. The Labour Party has yet again failed, while running a traditional left-wing campaign, to achieve electoral success. While it is understandable and justifiable for people who are threatened by the Conservatives to feel anger, the general hatred felt by the Left towards the Conservatives has been proven to be unproductive.

Hurling insults at the large proportion of the population who voted for five more years of Conservative government is not the way to try and understand why they did so, and ensure that they don’t do so again. So perhaps it is the responsibility of those for whom this is a priority to focus on connecting with Tory voters, empathising with Tory voters, and perhaps even making the first steps towards turning Labour into the grassroots campaign it needs to be if it is to represent properly the people of this country.

It is wrong to tell oppressed groups how to react to their oppression, so if you or someone you know will suffer at the hands of David Cameron and Iain Duncan-Smith, I will be the last person to tell you how to react.

But if you’re like me – privileged and middle-class – maybe you should take a step back and recognise that people who voted Tory don’t actually want unemployed people to kill themselves or disabled people to die from lack of welfare. There is a whole host of complicated reasons why 36.9 per cent of voters voted Conservative, and if we find out what they are, maybe next time we can change their minds.

Preview: Killing Hitler

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Killing Hitler follows the story of Adam von Trott zu Solz (Linus Ubl), who arrives in Oxford in the vibrant mid-thirties of the twentieth century. While reading PPE as a Rhodes Scholar, Trott zu Solz gets involved in the organization of a plot to assasinate Hitler. Coming from high military and aristocratic circles, his co-conspirators have access to Hitler and, to a certain extent, his respect. He knows that he’s playing with fire and that every mistake could make the difference between life and death.

Once again Oxford University’s German Play proves to be a truly unique student production, standing out due to its bilingual nature and unusual close collaboration with author Bernard Adams. The former journalist and BBC-Producer based the play on memoirs, letters, and journals, carefully crafting characters, conversations and scenes closely related to the historic events. Adams, fascinated by the idea of a bilingual production, provided the director Poppy Clifford and costume designer as well as translators and producers with insights into his thought and research, resulting in a production that breaks down the barriers between history and drama.

Adam’s play, first put on stage at the Keble O Reilly in 2012, displays the effects of great historical events on everyday human relationships. Scenes depicting real-life events involving local historical figures, such as Maurice Bowra (Jonnie Griffiths) the former Warden of Wadham, who still is a person at the centre of many legends, make the play come to life for any Oxford student.

The dynamic of the play is shaped by the non-linear narrative, and even though the typical war-time flashbacks are incorporated, every scene builds on the last resulting in a moving, emotional portrait of the protagonist.  Casting native speakers for British and German roles, and translating scenes set in Germany into German makes the historical content accessible in an unexpected, natural and surprisingly emotional way. The diverse cast is more than capable of portraying the historical figures, the Russian princess Marie “Missie” Vassiltchikov (Evelyn Eisenhauer), the wartime Foreign Secretary Anthony Eden (George Robarts), the Bishop of Chichester George Bell (Sam Shepburn), and Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg (Gene Zinngrebe).

Putting the play on stage at the Nuffield College Chapel – a small and rather intimate setting – increases the proximity of the audience not only in situational terms, and may turn out to be the final touch to a moving and important production.

Killing Hitler is on at the Nuffield College Chapel from 12th – 16th May (German parts with English subtitles). Bernard Adams (Author), Verena von Trott (Daughter of Adam von Trott) and Graham Avery (President of the von Trott Memorial Funds) will give talks preceding the premier on 12th May.

Picks of the Week TT15 Week 3

Film Screening: We Corner People- Sunday, 7:30 pm Lecture Room 23, Balliol A showing of Kesang Tseten’s 2007 documentary with all proceeds going to Karuna-Shechen in aid of those affected by the 2015 earthquake in Nepal.

Thurston Moore- Sunday, 7 pm 02 Academy Oxford
Sonic Youth frontman makes his Oxford debut solo show at the 02. Expect tracks from his 2014 solo album The Best Day interspersed with moody, yet enthralling, mumbling.

Life Drawing- Wednesday, 5pm Oriel College
As part of Oriel Arts Week (no, we didn’t know it was happening either), FREE life drawing is being offered at the college. Will their models rival that of Wadham’s last week? Picks of the Week

Beachcombing- Tuesday – Saturday, 7.30pm Burton Taylor Studio
From the winner of Best Show and Best New Writing at Cuppers 2014, a play about Essex, a vicar, the sea, marriage, cheese, and saying goodbye comes to the BT this week.

Milestones: Louis Le Prince and the earliest films

When one thinks of early cinema, the names of Louis and Auguste Lumière shine brightly out of the history textbooks. Their short, silent documentaries of everyday life capture the mundane, yet fascinating events in France during the 1890s. Credited with producing the first “documentary” film (although the term was not coined by critics until 1926), a glass projection still hangs on the spot of the Lumière institute in Lyon where their first (and shamelessly self-promoting) film Workers Leaving the Lumière Factory was shot in 1895.

The widespread distribution of the Lumière brothers’ works helped propagate the allure and popularity of the cinema, if at first for novelty value only. According to urban legend, Train Pulling into a Station (1895) inspired such terror and fear into European audiences that many ran cowering to the back of the theatre. True, the brothers were the first famed cinematographers. But they cast something of a shadow over other earlier figures. It is as if the light shining out from their films has caused the works of their predecessors to become overexposed in cultural memory: their outlines have become blurred, their signifi cance in history hard to make out in a way similar to the deterioration of the fragile celluloid film these works are set upon.

If one wishes to watch the fi rst true documentary star and director, look no further than Louis Le Prince. Flick through any modern textbook on the history of film, and his name will be come before the Lumière brothers: he is considered to be the true father of motion picture, as Louis Daguerre is to photography. Despite lasting a mere two seconds, his Roundhay Garden Scene, which depicts his family strolling around their Leeds home, was filmed in 1888, a full seven years before the earliest work of the Lumières’ and three years before Edison patented his kinetoscope – an early motion picture device, designed for viewers to watch films one at a time through a tiny peep-hole. True, his work may be somewhat underwhelming. His four surviving films last but a couple seconds each, but depict fascinating scenes of northern working class life that would have been otherwise lost to the ether.

But if Le Prince were truly the first documentary film maker, why is his memorial reduced to just two blue plaques dotted across Leeds? The Lumière brothers have an entire institute to show off their bizarre film guns and collected works, yet Le Prince has very little in comparison. The answer lies in the lack of distribution: none of Le Prince’s works were ever shown outside Leeds, whilst the Lumière brothers’ works were sent across Europe to shock and enthral audiences. Le Prince is the first tragic figure upon the film set: and arguably a victim of the seething patent wars raging around photographic technology in the 1890s. Whilst travelling through France on his way to patent a new camera and launch a promotion tour to the USA, he disappeared onboard a train and was never seen again. His disappearance helped to propagate the supposed “curse” that surrounds his first work on film. Theories range from suicide due to bankruptcy, arranged disappearance due to homosexuality and even murder by agents of Thomas Edison due to his rival patent claims.

We may never know the truth, but what is certain is that his early and unfortunate death allowed his competitors to neatly clip his frames from the reel of cinema history, and his works became hidden from the public eye as the man himself. Only recently have they been restored to widespread public knowledge.

Collective Voice: the rise of the radio documentary

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“For the last year I’ve spent every working day trying to figure out where a high school kid was for 21 minutes after school one day in 1999. This search sometimes feels undignifi ed on my part.” This is the opening line of WBEZ’s podcast Serial, first released in October last year, which followed the story of Adnan Syed, an American man who claims that he was wrongly convicted of the murder of his then girlfriend Hae Min Lee. The show immediately gained widespread media attention and shot to the top of the downloads chart on iTunes, with many hailing the return of audio reportage. Adnan Syed’s story presented listeners with a ‘real-life murder mystery’. However, when the series came to an end there was no perfectly wrapped up conclusion and there were complaints of it being anticlimactic. But what more could people expect from a true story?

Documentary-style reporting has been common throughout American radio for the past few years, with emphasis being placed on ‘real’ voices. This American Life, of which Serial is a spin-off show, has been putting together shows of three or four stories around a single theme since the late 90s. Emphasis is placed on the individual, the programme centering on the idea that everyone has a story to tell. This style gives the shows a personal, wide-ranging feel as they gather together widespread perspectives which take all sides into account. Listeners are encouraged to send in their own stories, off ering a breadth of views and voices which could not be accessed elsewhere.

The New York based program Radiolab uses a similar format for its show based around science, philosophy and human interest stories. A show centering around the theme of ‘colour’ moves from an interview with a neuro-scientist to a woman’s experience of synesthesia. Invisibilia, also broadcast by NPT, looks at human behaviors and off ers a fascinating insight into
the changing view surrounding mental health issues.

What makes these shows so poignant is that they involve personal stories narrated by the individuals themselves. Stories take on the format of conversation and retain a tone of informality. The listener is allowed to hear the click of a scientist picking up his phone at the start of the interview or the sound of cars passing in the street. This is of course part of the shows’ image of ‘true-life’ reporting, but it adds a level of intimacy that engages the audience and makes them listen.

However, as proved by what happened with Serial, reporting on real-life events that continue to unfold can create diffi culties in producing a complete story. Whilst podcasts such as This American Life present their program as a perfectly formed whole with their four ‘stories’ on a singular theme each week, the stories have been collected and produced over time and then formulated into a singular unit. Serial was working on a story that as of yet remains incomplete.

It is this imperfection, however, that remains the program’s brilliance. One cannot remain unaff ected by the show’s host Sarah Koenig as she attempts to uncover Adnan’s story. Like the listener, she moves back and forth between convicting and proclaiming her subject’s innocence as she engages in in-depth conversations with a man who may or may not have murdered his 18 year old girlfriend. Koenig’s voice carries the programme as she refuses to give up on a case which will always have gaps. Whilst at this point the story remains incomplete with no clear sign of resolution, Koenig’s dedication and perseverance in reporting the story of an outsider is admirable.

Simon Elmes: documentary and the art of story-telling

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Few people are as qualified to talk on the subject of documentary-writing as Simon Elmes. As the former Creative Director of the BBC’s Radio Documentary Unit, and with over 40 years’ experience in professional documentary production, the Keble alumnus (and one-time Cherwell photographer) is hugely keen to get students involved in his chosen career.

“I’d always say to anybody who wants to join the media: neither overestimate nor underestimate yourself. For most people, it’s pretty much hard graft, and if you’re good, you’ll get there. It’s important for me to spread the word that radio documentary’s a fantastic medium and a fantastic place to be, and it’s really worthwhile making the effort both to listen and to make it.” We’re sitting in the National Film Theatre café on the Southbank of the Thames, one of Elmes’ favourite haunts. Despite his love of film, however, his career has largely focused on audio media, specifically radio documentaries.

I ask him about the differences between the two. “They’re not, curiously, as great as you might imagine,” he says. “Not editorially at least. The purpose is the same: that is, to tell these stories in such a way as to make riveting content that holds the viewer/listener in a way that they can’t go away, and entertains as well as informs. When planning a TV documentary, one of the things they’ll immediately say, aside from discussing the plot, is, ‘What are the images? What are the pictures?’ In radio, of course we’ll say, ‘What are the sounds?’ but the narrative is pre-eminent. It’s about telling a story.”

When the visual effect is removed, Elmes suggests, the focus on the narrative of the documentary comes to the fore. He describes piecing together the facts that make up a programme into a coherent narrative. “You’re always trying to find something bigger than the sum of its parts. You’re telling one story but you’re always telling slightly bigger stories at the same time.” It sounds like there’s a fair amount of overlap with drama, I suggest. Does he see the two as entirely separate genres? “Broadly speaking, no. But also yes,” he laughs. “Because in literal terms, drama deals in fiction. It has an author who can spin whatever he or she wishes to spin, create characters. In factual documentary, you are going entirely the other way round: you are taking a story, and you are trying to get at the inner truth in that story. You are trying to be factually truthful, but also say something, communicate something larger than the individual components.”

There is undoubtedly an overlap, however. It’s the entertainment factor that’s so crucial, and one which Elmes believes is often underregarded in factual programs. He’s critical of those who approach a documentary as they would a dissertation or an essay: “I always say to graduates in the BBC, because they’ve all learnt how to write essays and write dissertations with a thesis, antithesis, synthesis formula, that that’s not the way you do drama, and actually the way we do factual programs shouldn’t be like that. It’s okay if you’re doing a news report, if you’re doing something that needs the case for, the case against and then your summing up. But a documentary needs to have a much more theatrical, dramatic shape to it, and that calls on all sorts of skills that go way beyond essay writing. They are about entertainment.”

If the art of documentary-writing is also the art of story-telling, then what, I ask, is the story of the radio documentary itself, from its beginnings to the present day? At a time when old-fashioned forms of media are struggling to adapt to the digital age, one might be forgiven for thinking that radio might well be consigned to a similar fate. But Elmes is not at all pessimistic; in fact, he says, there are have been lots of beneficial advances. “Over the last five years I’ve spent a lot of time with my team trying to work out how we should adapt radio documentary for the digital age. I think podcasting has opened up a lot of opportunities. The actual mode of listening has, in fact, helped us. People can download a podcast and listen to it, so if they have to get out and fetch the kids they can pause it and go back to it. That’s a fantastic advance.”

The figures he provides me with back up his claims: BBC Radio 4 routinely draws an audience of over a million for a mid-morning documentary: a rating which, he tells me, BBC2 would be extremely happy with. Elmes urges restraint and caution in moving with the times. “There’s a lot of rubbish spoken about how we have to cater for the digital listener. Yes we do, of course. But don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” The methodology of documentarymaking, he claims, hasn’t changed; rather, “the technology has changed how we do it. But it doesn’t make the process any different.” And why, it’s implied, would one try to fix what isn’t broken?

What quickly becomes apparent in talking to someone like Simon Elmes is just how much freedom a career in documentary production can bring. His topical focus in the past has tended to be on language, a direct fulfilment of his own interests. “I was a linguist when I was at Oxford. I love language, and always have done.” He has produced long-running linguistics documentaries such as Word of Mouth, Talk of the Town and The Routes of English, and worked alongside giants of the radio entertainment industry like Melvyn Bragg and Lenny Henry. But, he’s keen to stress, he’s also done “pretty much everything else. I’ve done programmes about circuses, about seaside piers, about people sharing houses, about radio presenters who have cancer, about French politics, music…” The list is endless. Now officially retired, Elmes still works freelance for the BBC, and is keen to “give something back” by helping aspiring young people enter the profession. And for himself? “I’ve got a couple of big projects on. But I’m having fun. That’s the main thing.”

Simon Elmes is speaking at a documentarymaking conference at St Hilda’s College on Saturday 16th May.

Bar Review: St Catz

★★★☆☆

Well, last week I told you I was in love with Univ. This week I’m afraid to report I’m still monogamous, after what I felt was a rather disappointing trip to St Catz. On Monday, a disastrous power cut meant that the bar review team had to stop chain-watching Golden Girls on video, put down our knitting and venture to the wastelands of the East. Here, we found the long forgotten St Catherine’s (shortened to St Catz in an attempt to pretend their aesthetic isn’t stuck in the 60s) and, naturally, checked out their bar.

All we wanted was electricity and booze, but when I strolled confidently up to the modern bar and asked for a double vodka n’ coke, the friendly barman requested a Catz Bod Card. I grumbled something about leaving it at home, to which he replied, “No problem, that’ll be £7 please.” £7?! My jaw hit the floor. Gasping for air I reordered a pint of their cheapest larger, itself £3.85, and slumped down, shocked and confused. It seems to get the standard college bar prices one needs to pay with a Catz Bod Card, otherwise it’s double the price. What the fuck is that? It’s one thing to hike up the prices outside of term to screw the conference guests, but this is something else entirely. Thankfully, at least one member of our group knew at least one of Catz’ 779 undergraduates, and as Catz students never have anything better to do, we managed to convince one to come buy us drinks. Having to piss around with change in order to pay him back was a bit of an inconvenience, but as pints were now around £1.80 I was distinctly less furious. We felt bad about forcing the aforementioned Catz friend from his essay, and for constantly sending him to the bar on our behalf, but it was almost like having a personal waiter.

Their bar has a pleasant open feel, with the seating organised sociably in wide circles. A first-rate sound system pumped edgy tunage at just the right volume all night. The toilets are gender neutral, clean, and snazzy as hell. It was also impressively busy for a Monday night, and we were informed that their 500 capacity bops (sorry, “entz-es”) are not to be missed.

The drinks choice is impressive for a college bar, particularly the non-alcoholic options (though we can’t claim to have sampled these) and mixers. Which mixers were best was left to our own imaginations, as there was no cocktail menu, whilst our choice of gin with elderflower was a lovely rarity and Hoegaarden on tap was a nice surprise. Drinks were served in plastic glasses which, while a small complaint, really grated with me. My drunken compatriots didn’t care. The signature drink, a Catztail, was just Spoons’ Cheeky V; a sweet but tasteless mix of WKD and port. The price was more impressive than the creativity.

If (and only if) you’re a Catz student with a well-stocked Bod Card, or have a Catz friend, this is an ideal place to spend the night.

Confessions of a student chef: Tom Barrie

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Despite boasting maestro cookery skills that would usually make Gordon Ramsay blush, I’m crippled by a lack of oven and, in fact, any basic cookery implements whatsoever. Unfortunately, it seems as if my culinary pizzazz may be hampered this evening, and so I set off to track down tools with which I could attempt to work wonders. With pan and colander duly commandeered from others on my staircase, and fuelled by G&T and a Vivaldi soundtrack, the magic starts.

I had planned on something bold. Ambitious. Visionary. My original plan of flambéed puffer fish with dauphinoise potatoes followed by Baked Alaska had now been sabotaged by a distinct lack of kitchen ordnance (and, okay, perhaps knowledge and talent). Sipping pensively on pink champagne, I settle instead for that journeyman of Italian meals, the solid spaghetti carbonara. Luckily I have some pancetta, pecorino and parmesan knocking about. How convenient. Not having a grater did not stop me, as I just attacked the parmesan with a knife till it crumbled (this is called “mincing”, for my less knowledgable readers).

With flagrant disregard for public safety, I tossed the ingredients in, producing a flawless carbonara. You should be jealous.