Friday 25th July 2025
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Review: The Effect

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★★★★☆

Four Stars

I’m always a bit uncomfortable when I go into a theatre and the actors are already on stage. It makes you feel you are thrown into the performance without having the time to ‘prepare’ yourself for what you are going to see. But maybe, being thrown into The Effect is what the characters themselves are feeling. The play is such that, if we don’t experience what Connie (Ellie Lowenthal) and Tristan (Calam Lynch) are living, we won’t be able to understand much.

An experiment is taking place, a new anti-depressive is being trialled. And this is used as a way to raise big questions. How much do drugs and pills affect our own life? How much does our life depend on or maybe consist of mere chemicals? How can we be sure that what we feel is real, and the person doing the feeling is really ‘us’? It would be tempting of a play to simply raise these questions and leave them unanswered, floating in the air. But the play finds the right balance between creating dilemmas and subtly pointing to a solution – which, for the audience, is kind of a relief.

Particularly powerful is the exchange between the two doctors, where the effectiveness of the anti-depressive is discussed. Opinions are divided, and everything seems to be circular: the symptoms observed could be due to the drug, and giving the impression in the patients that they are in love, or the patients could have fallen in love independently. The play thus reflects on love from different perspectives, although the focus is very much on physicality. The suspicion is never raised that love may also come from witty conversation, intellectual engagement and sharing of values. All this is shadowed by the uncontrollable power of emotions, which drag away everything they find on their way. But the attention of the play is clearly somewhere else, and what it investigates is brilliantly done. ‘The Effect’ is a great play, thought-provoking like few theatrical performances can be. Furthermore, it does so without falling into a mere philosophical inquiry or making us lose interest in what is going on between Connie and Tristan.

The actors are all extremely talented, Connie in particular, and span out the complex dynamics created by the artificial and/or natural dopamine rush. The dialogue is brilliant, never prosaic, but constantly engaging. The only moment in which the play gets perhaps slightly over didactic is the monologue on mental health, which is useful to contextualise the whole thing. It, perhaps, slows down things a bit too much. One clever expedient is making the framework of the play (setting, gestures, corollary characters, music) extremely factual and stiff, and making the doctors moving in a simultaneous and twitchy way. As if it was possible to contain and quantify the elusive mystery of love in a few facts, gestures, or in a play even.

Review: Bitter Lake

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★★★★☆

Four Stars 

Last week’s exclusive iPlayer release of the bold new documentary by Adam Curtis, Bitter Lake, makes it nearly a four year gap since we were last gifted a full-length film by Curtis. During that period, following the debut of the three-part All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace in 2011, Curtis fans have had to make do with scraps: small five-minute features on Rupert Murdoch and ‘non-linear war’ for Charlie Brooker’s yearly Screenwipes, as well as characteristically rambling posts on his eclectic BBC blog (the more devoted might also have made the trip to Manchester to witness his collaboration with Massive Attack live in 2013).

Curtis is the great chronicler of postmodern chaos and he returns – if not on our televisions, at least our computer screens – in triumphant fashion, with a sprawling, beautiful treatise on the collapse of what he calls the ‘ordered world’, told chiefly through the prism of Afghanistan. It’s a frightening vision, but Bitter Lake is both visually arresting and deeply human.

“We live in a world where nothing makes any sense,” Curtis begins the film by declaring. “Those in power tell us stories to help us make sense of the complexity of reality. But those stories are increasingly unconvincing and hollow. This is a film about why those stories have stopped making sense, and how that led us in the West to become a dangerous and destructive force in the world.”

It says much about Curtis’ filmmaking, and the strength of his aesthetic identity, that his documentaries lend themselves so easily to parody. There is certainly a house style. In Bitter Lake, Curtis doesn’t depart from the trademarks that make his films so instantly recognisable. Like his other recent works, it comprises his narration over footage excavated from deep within the BBC archives and elsewhere. It is, however, far longer, running slightly over two hours.

There is, as in his other films, the same predilection for the Arial typeface, all in capital letters, the characteristic fondness for juxtaposition and, of course, the very Curtis-like taste for both the surreal and the sentimental: truly bizarre looking footage of the Afghan version of The Thick of It is cut alongside poignant scenes of a father and his war-injured daughter. The effect is jarring.

Curtis briefly tutored Politics at Oxford before foregoing its cloistral hush for a weird kind of in-house position at the BBC and his films, appropriately enough, resemble intricately crafted essays. They generally begin the same way: Curtis disclosing his central argument, expounded over beautifully cut footage, before noting some crucial qualification (“But this was a fantasy…’”) He delights in contradiction and in the marriage of incongruent sound and image: in one scene Curtis tells us of a coup in Afghanistan, accompanying that with footage of play-fighting Afghan hounds. It doesn’t feel forced.

Bitter Lake covers much of the same ground as Curtis’ earlier works. Though mainly about Afghanistan, the film also detours into a story about the rise of neoliberalism and how oil money allowed banks to escape from the clutches of political regulation, echoing parts of The Trap and All Watched Over. This wouldn’t be a documentary by Curtis if Blair, Reagan or Thatcher didn’t feature and rather predictably they do, as Curtis rails against the ruthlessly simplified moral fables of good-versus-evil told to us by those in power in one of the documentary’s many interesting subplots.

Given that Curtis is so emphatic on the need for us to avoid simplifying reality, it is kind of odd of him to attribute the source of our modern disorder to one sketchy meeting between FDR and the King of Saudi Arabia (above a lake from which the film derives its name). Ultimately, however, Bitter Lake’s excellence comes not from the coherence of its narrative, but from the sheer aesthetic spectacle it provides. Curtis really is a collage artist of the highest order. And, besides: so what if his own story doesn’t make sense? It’s the kind of paradox one feels that Curtis would be proud of.

Review: Mortdecai

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★☆☆☆☆

One Star

“Johnny Depp is Mortdecai!” proclaimed the posters promoting this latest star vehicle for the prolific actor. That much is certainly true – Depp is the film, or at least, the only reason for this bizarre, misjudged and pointless romp to exist. A vanity piece from top to bottom, the film struggles to find a purpose as it trudges from set piece to set piece. These occasionally well constructed scenes serve to provide more opportunities for Depp to wear out his trademark tics and oblivious bemusement which have blighted cinema screens for the best part of a decade.

Mortdecai’s plot centres around our titular hero and his hangers-on, who are attempting to recover a stolen painting in an adventure that takes them around the world from London to Moscow and even to Oxford. Yet this plot is really just the means to contrive scenes for the talented cast to raise their eyebrows sarcastically and wink at the audience. It’s thoroughly unsatisfying.

The film has absolutely no sense of danger – Mortdecai is the film, so his success is unquestionable. A particularly ridiculous scene sees our hero jump through a window several stories up, only to bounce up off the street below completely unharmed. This cartoon-like quality attempts to heighten the film’s comedy, but merely acts to rob the thin narrative of any excitement. Worse still, a late third act reveal negates the purpose of almost the entire preceding hour. Not only does the film insult the audience’s intelligence, it undermines their good-will too.

Ostensibly a comedy, though you’d be forgiven for not knowing it, Mortdecai’s ill-founded faith in the lovability of both its protagonist and its lead actor is almost tragic. No one has wanted to see Depp in these films since Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, as attested to by the abysmal reception the film received at the box office. It’s almost heartbreaking to see such a great film actor drowning under a lazy performance that’s more irritating than engaging. Furthermore, the film never seems to give us a reason to like Mortdecai – he’s a bumbling incompetent aristocrat clinging to notions of his masculinity as much as he is his inherited title and squandered wealth. It’s very hard to care.

The out-of-place aristocrat trope gives the film a farcical sensibility, particularly in one of the film’s more amusing sojourns to Los Angeles, whilst whizzy CGI scene transitions illustrate the globe trotting exploits of our protagonist. Presumably an attempt to liven up the film’s theatricality, their distracting cheapness ends up detracting from the film’s other limited stylistic aspirations. Amongst the starry supporting cast, Gwyneth Paltrow is perfectly cast as Mortdecai’s haughty high society wife. She plays perhaps the film’s most engaging character, with her defining motivation being to rid her husband’s visage of his ludicrous moustache – understandable if trivial. Her incredible line reading of “darling they are in cahoots” was one of the two laughs the film got from this reviewer.

Poorly conceived and ultimately exhausting, Mortdecai is a waste of talent, money and most importantly your time. Hopefully the film’s failure will encourage Depp to return to the arthouse, so we’ll be saved from watching as he, just like the character of Mortdecai, degrades himself for big cheque after big cheque.

Preview: The George and Dragon

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Any seasoned student who enjoys a cheeky beverage from time to time will know that there are few things more annoying in life than last orders. Even more annoying is when the impending last call is drawn that slight bit closer by an aggressive global pandemic.

The George and Dragon is a piece of new writing that doesn’t mind laughing at universal sickness and doesn’t make you feel too bad if you do too. Set in a local pub, the piece takes a look at the lives of The George’s regulars as they drink and dance off death by global virus. Mixing together various different archetypes, writers Michael Comba and Sami Ibrahim have produced a real dirty-pint of a performance. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Fusing crude farce, tragedy and comedy, the piece journeys through vignettes of the musical, stand-up, silent-movie and Talking Head documentary variety – enough, surely, to go straight to anyone’s head.

But it’s bleak, really. The George and Dragon pub, once a thriving social hub, now faces closure because all of its customers are dead. Or dying. Or off somewhere talking about how they’re all going to die. Forced to re-open as a local community centre, the rowdy watering hole ironically takes on a new lease of life. Opening with a classroom scene performed with all the painful dumbing-down of fairy-tale didacticism, it’s from the edge of our stool that we learn to stay away from the “big, nasty, evil germ Jemima”, who kills with a single cough. This is, of course, delivered alongside the slightly less sensitive guideline that any diseased “smug cunt that thinks he can go on living” should be shot point-blank. It’s a promising start to what is likely to shape up to be a real ‘corker’ of a performance (pun fully intended).

The real warmth and camaraderie of the cast will no doubt contribute to the sense of false comfort achieved amidst an inviting pub atmosphere, perfectly suited to the intimate space that is the BT studio. Swept away by outbursts of My Fair Lady, Grease and ‘Purple Rain’, as the musical vignette ensues like a really perky round of karaoke, it’s easy to forget that there’s a rather bloody pandemic going on outside and that what you’re watching is actually quite dystopian.

And this was kind of the intention, according to Ibrahim, who inspired by a love of crappy 1950s sci-fi films – “You know the type with too tight a budget to shoot an actual alien invasion so people just run into the room and tell you about it instead” – wanted to play with this kind of comic, narrative frame. The use of other genres as well has “a vaguely pretentious explanation”, he says, but it’s “mainly just that every good play needs a gimmick.”

Starting out as a pub sketch-show, the writers have instead concocted something with a little more kick. Yet, despite the hilarity of cast performances, particularly from Daisy Buzzoni’s hearty landlady turned stand-up comedienne, the play is not without it’s depth and darkness, and looks to draw upon the absurdity of human experience when faced with the threat of real civil strife. It’s just that the hysteria is often pretty hysterical, too.

The George and Dragon promises “pints and pandemics” at the Burton Taylor Studio during 4th Week.

Anti-celebrity rules OK. Long live Baldwin.

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Yes, I know, another article about celeb­rity and modern culture. Zeitgeist in my sights; hit, sunk. And what’s this? A secondary narrative about celebrities being hypocritical? My god, I have my hand so firmly on the public’s pulse. But trust me, I’ve got something really interesting to say. Look, I’ve even made up a word: ‘anti-celebrity’.

Mystery has always captivated our imagi­nations, and there’s nothing so seemingly enigmatic as a celebrity who rejects their own fame. Marlon Brando epitomised this for the previous generation, what with his antics at the 1973 Oscars and his widespread reputation as an impossible person to interview. Taking an altogether more bellicose approach, Oliver Reed didn’t so much reject his fame, as maul it, chew it up and spit it back out, into the faces of interviewers and women’s liberation campaigners alike.

But at least Brando and Reed did that ‘Being famous is ridiculous’ shtick with an undeni­able sense of cool and panache. Others have not fared nearly as well. Alec Baldwin’s rela­tionship with celebrity can only be described as a car crash in very slow motion. Baldwin has repeatedly railed against being placed, he claims unwittingly, into the glaring public spotlight; that he never wanted his every move and word to be written down and reported on.

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I completely sympathise with that, because it’s not like he’s a world-famous actor, news­paper columnist, talk-show host, or author of his own upcoming memoirs and other books. How could he possibly have known that very restrained level of exposure would have meant he was recognised in the street? Although, he could probably have thought ahead about the impact of being arrested for riding his bike against the traffic on Fifth Avenue. Because that’s just silly.

I can’t sympathise with Shia LaBoeuf. His meltdown was as public as it comes, even including turning up to a film brief modelling a paper bag over his head, which had written on it, “I’m not famous anymore.” Which is oh so very meta. Am I meant to feel sympa­thetic that he became famous? What exactly did he think was going to happen by starring (I’m purposefully avoiding describing his role as acting) in the Transform­ers franchise? And for the record, Shia, trying to atone for your sins by doing a string of niche, hipster art projects doesn’t erase the fact you were in a film series that had to have a trademark symbol in the title.

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This outspoken dismissal of celebrity can be seen as a way of solving the paradox of being, simultaneously, an artist and a businessper­son. Prior to the commercialised Disneyland that we now inhabit, it was far easier to maintain artistic endeavours for their own cul­tural ends. But now, artistic intent has to be balanced with economics. There’s no such thing as creating an album, or a film, for its own sake. There is always a financial corollary. Hence, ‘artists’ are now trapped in the purgatorial no man’s land of trying to appear genuine whilst also flogging their wares.

That paradox wouldn’t be so problematic if it weren’t carried out in such a disin­genuous way. Kanye West has had innumerable fracas with paparazzi and journalists for invading his personal life to an excessive degree. Fair enough. But he doesn’t complain when that ‘unwanted’ exposure leads to mas­sive boosts to his music and clothing-line sales. Banksy maintains his persona of a true ‘artiste’, by not gaining financially from the sale of his street art, and yet made a feature-length film in 2010. Are we meant to believe that wasn’t motivated by the brand value of labelling it a Banksy film?

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And let’s not forget the eminent hypocrisy of decrying fame and yet maintaining galling levels of exposure online. How can you com­plain about being too much in the public eye, and yet have your own website, Facebook page, Twitter, and Instagram? That may be what’s needed to remain in the public consciousness, but it entirely blurs the line between neces­sary and excessive levels of celebrity.

Sia has trod the knife-edge routine of rejecting fame better than most. Despite writing a staggering number of the pop hits of the last five years and her most recent album debuting at No. 1 on the US charts, she has explicitly rejected her fame. She rarely performs live, hence why she doesn’t tour, and when she does, she does so with her back to the audience. She has spoken, in terms eerily reminiscent of dialogue from The Dark Knight, about creating a symbol in the blonde bob wig she, and the performers in her videos, don that means she doesn’t need to be recognised in person. As she said in an interview, all she wants to do is “get fat and pee on the side of the road”. Which is fine. But you really didn’t need to write six best-selling albums to do that, did you Sia?

Milestones: Bowling for Columbine

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The USA is a country riddled with prob­lems. At the risk of echoing the hyperbole of that Fox News segment, it is a country of over 300 million people where inequality, unfairness, and corruption are rife. The little people are constantly being fucked over by big, faceless corporations and, of course, by the government.

Guns, inaccessible healthcare, racism, sexism, wealth inequality – all are prevalent problems facing modern-day America. And one man has arguably done more than anyone else to draw attention to them.

Michael Moore began making documenta­ries in 1989 with Roger & Me, which examined the emotional and economic repercussions of General Motors transferring its factories from Flint, Michigan, to Mexico in search of cheaper labour.

Already, the characteristics of Moore’s idio­syncratic film-making are visible. He works from a populist perspective, revealing the dev­astating effect of moral bankruptcy on the lives of everyday people through harrowing interviews, and adopt­ing a faux-naivety when narrating and interviewing that empha­sises the lack of humanity of the individuals and organisations he attacks. It is evocative stuff.

Over the subsequent decade, Moore produced films, TV pro­grammes and books satirising and criticising various aspects of ‘the man’. It was in 2002, however, with the award-winning Bowling For Columbine, that he first approached the issue of gun violence.

Focussing his argument on the Columbine massacre of April 1999, in which two seniors shot dead 12 other students and a teacher before committing suicide, Moore examines with arresting clarity the problematic nature of America’s relationship with guns.

With Bowling For Columbine, Moore is at his righteous, yet eternally placid, best. He never betrays his anger, but simply maintains his recognisable brand of false ignorance, either when childishly asking a suit from an arms manufacturer about weapons of mass destruc­tion, or when questioning Marilyn Manson on why people found it easier to blame him for the Columbine massacre instead of America’s culture of “fear and consumption”.

There are some truly sickening moments, particularly for us liberal Brits. One scene, in which Moore receives a free rifle simply for opening a bank account is particularly memo­rable, as is a moment when Moore resorts to flatly stating worldwide gun crime statistics.

“How many people are killed by guns each year? In Germany, 381. In France, 255. In Canada, 165. In the UK, 68. In Austra­lia, 65. In Japan, 39. In the US, 11,127.”

Moore asks the question with his characteristically innocent style, then answers it in the most devastatingly effective way possible. Bowling For Columbine is a compelling, thought-provoking, and arguably world-chang­ing documentary, and its success reflected this. It became the highest-grossing mainstream documentary of all time, only to be relieved of that accolade by Moore’s 2004 film, Fahrenheit 911, which exam­ined the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

The uphill battle to register student voters

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The electoral register is key to our democracy. Yet, the completeness of that register is in grave danger. The Lib Dem-Conservative Government’s shakeup of how you register to vote has scratched 12,000-plus electors from Oxford’s rolls. Many of them are students, many of them are based in East Oxford, where my ward of St Clement’s lies.

Under the new system, you have to register to vote individually. No longer will one resident in a household be able to register all occupants in that property. No longer will universities register their students. As for a city where students make up more of the total population than they do anywhere else in England and Wales, Oxford is the worst-hit university city. Registration in some wards with large student populations has fallen off a cliff.

We need the register to be complete, so the City Council is focusing resources on young and student electors. The evidence is clear that going door-to-door makes a difference, which is leading council officers to prioritise face-to-face canvassing. OUSU are holding street stalls to drive up registration, which I’m supporting and staffing some shifts for.

But, we face an uphill battle to register voters lost in the switch-over in time for the general election, and we need you support. Please head online now to check you’re registered to vote and if you aren’t, register straight away. And please get the word out, so that as many people as possible get back onto the electoral register. 

It’s disturbing that the new system makes it harder to vote, particularly for students who were likely to be registered in the first place. In Sheffield – where the student vote could topple Nick Clegg – those losing the right to have their say have greatest anger at the reversal of policy to abolish tuition fees and trebling of them to £9,000 a year. To see voting become harder when we’ve all seen under-18s doing it for the first time in the Scotland referendum (and Ed Miliband’s pledge that they could do it permanently) is disappointing to say the least.

So, to have a say over the decisions affecting your future, your voice has to be heard. If you aren’t registered, please go online and register now.

Spiked criticises Oxford’s “censorship”

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Online magazine Spiked has published a ranking of the attitudes of British universities towards free speech, placing Oxford in the “red” category. The website states that universities in this category, the “most censorious” one, have “banned and actively censored ideas on campus”.

The ranking looked at University, OUSU, and college policies. Spiked accused the University of restricting free speech through its harassment policy, which restricts “needless” and “provocatively offensive” speech, and its internet regulations. These ban the publishing of racist, sexist, or homophobic material.

Trudy Coe, the Head of the University Equality and Diversity unit, stated, “The policy expressly provides that vigorous academic debate will not amount to harassment when it is conducted respectfully and without violating the dignity of others or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them.”

In response to this, Tom Slater, the compiler of Spiked’s rankings, told Cherwell, “The definition of harassment has been expanded to the point of meaninglessness. We can’t allow well-meaning policy such as this one to permit censorship by the back door.”

The ranking claimed that the University was responsible for cancelling the OSFL abortion debate last term. However, this was a College decision. Martyn Percy, the Dean of Christ Church, refuted the allegation that the event was “banned”, telling Cherwell, “We simply said that with the amount of notice given, there was not enough time to make the appropriate arrangements, and conduct an exercise in consultation.”

Also criticised was the use of trigger warnings at OUSU Council. Louis Trup responded, “If policies like trigger warnings constitute a threat to freedom of speech in Spiked’s definition, then it is clearly seriously flawed. It is a work of pseudo-social science crafted towards a political end, and anybody with a basic understanding of research skills will know to take this ‘news’ with a massive pinch of salt.”

The ranking also condemned Balliol JCR’s ban on ‘Blurred Lines’ and the supposed disbanding of Pembroke Rugby Club after a “joke email”.

Becky Howe, Pembroke JCR President at the time, commented, “I was surprised to see ‘Pembroke College disbands rugby team for joke email’ as a reason for Oxford’s ‘red’ rating. Firstly, it’s incorrect – Pembroke’s rugby club was not disbanded. Secondly, it was popular reaction against the email that brought it to public attention, discussion and condemnation – I’m not sure how this equates to censorship of ideas, personally. Thirdly, if calling people out for misogyny and sexism is a bad thing according to Spiked ‘researchers’, I’d like to sit them down and have a long chat about that.”

Slater responded, “Yes, calling people out for misogyny is a good thing. Silencing them is not. This is the problem, we’ve gotten into a position where censorship is seen as a means of tackling backwards ideas. It’s not.” 

Two in three state schools send no pupils to Oxbridge

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Two out of three secondary state schools do not send any pupils to Oxbridge, according to new figures released by the Department of Education.

The report studied the destinations of Key stage five students in 2012/2013. Of the 48 per cent of state educated students who went on to higher education, only 16 per cent went on to study at an institution in the top third of HEIs. Oxford and Cambridge jointly admitted only one per cent of this number. In comparison, private fee-paying schools sent 60 per cent of their students to a HEI and five per cent of these were admitted by Oxbridge.

The Master of Wellington College, Sir Anthony Seldon, who delivered the annual ‘access lecture’ at University College this year, talked to Cherwell about the reasons behind this figure, saying, “It is a big thing to crank up a school for Oxford and Cambridge. Unless there are teachers who have been undergraduates there, it can seem intimidating and remote.”

He suggested that in order to improve this figure, the Vice-Chancellor of Oxford University could personally sign a letter to every Principal or Head of every secondary school or college in the UK, inviting them to submit applicants, and explain exactly how they can go about it.

However, the University of Oxford told Cherwell, “The University devotes a huge amount of resource to widening access and student support, but diversifying intake is something that can only be done on the understanding that everyone – government, schools, parents, teachers, and universities – has to work together.”

They added, “Admissions figures that show that a small number of schools contribute a large number of successful candidates to Oxford largely reflect the challenges of student recruitment in the context of uneven distribu- tion of high-achieving students in schools.”

A Sutton Trust report in 2011 showed that five English schools – Eton, Westminster, St Paul’s Boys, St Paul’s Girls, and state-funded Hills Road Sixth Form College in Cambridge – sent more pupils to Oxbridge between 2007 and 2009 than nearly 2000 lower-performing other schools combined.

The issue of state school admissions was raised by a debate held at the Oxford Union last Thursday, in which the proposition argued that figures such as these needed addressing by introducing quotas.

However, when asked her opinion on whether quotas should be introduced for state school admissions to Oxford, JCR Access Rep at St. Catherine’s college Rebekka Smiddy, said, “Personally, I’m not a big believer in positive discrimination; it could present potential issues with better applicants being discarded for quota filling.”

“However, I do believe that more state school applicants should be applying to both Oxbridge and Russell group universities, as they often have the ability to succeed but are put off by uncertainty about how the system and university works.”

Geography undergraduate Hannah Kinnimont toldCherwell of her experience applying to Oxford from a comprehensive school and the help she received from a teacher who had attended Oxford.

She admitted, “I would not have had a clue how to apply otherwise and I probably would have chosen to not apply altogether.

“I suppose schools which do not have any teachers or students who have previously gone to Oxbridge are left in the dark about the application process and this may put them off applying.” 

Analysis: Harry Gosling argues that the public-private school impasse is a disgrace, but there is no easy solution 

The perpetual domination of Oxbridge places by privately-educated pupils, with two-thirds of state schools not managing to send a single pupil to Oxford or Cambridge, somewhat undermines the idea that we live in a progressive, socially mobile society.

Private education enables children already privileged by virtue of their family circum- stances to go to schools which further enhance their socioeconomic position. Exceptional resources, superior teachers, and an informational asymmetry in post-16 education are three crucial advantages of private schools. Many private schools have continual informal contact with elite universities, and numerous members of the teaching staff in these schools are often Oxbridge graduates themselves. State schools battle to keep up.

For something as fundamental to a child’s development as education to be determined by parental wealth is unfair and unjust. As Alan Bennett argues, “To educate not according to ability but according to the social situation of the parents is both wrong and a waste.” Figures show that a pupil at a private school is 55 times more likely to be offered a place at Oxford or Cambridge than a state-school pupil from a poor background. 71 per cent of judges, 62 per cent of officers in the armed forces, and 53 per cent of senior diplomats were privately educated, yet only seven per cent of the population attended a private school.

Proponents of fee-paying schools may extol the virtues of a parent’s ability to choose their child’s education. But this misses the point: only a small minority of parents are in a posi- tion to be able to make the choice between putting their children through private or state education. Do we prioritise the right of those who can afford to educate their children privately to do so? Or do we prioritise the right of every child to an equal start in life? The answer to this question reveals the nature of the society we would like to live in.

The problem extends beyond the simple public-private dichotomy, however. We can never hope to succeed in completely levelling the playing field for children starting out in life, as schooling isn’t everything. But educa- tion is arguably the most fundamental aspect of development. The current system entrenches children’s socioeconomic circumstances. 

There is no easy answer when it comes to deciding on a course of action. Lowering the standard of education to the lowest common denominator is not the answer. Politicians, particularly those who were privately educat- ed themselves, tend to wish away the issue. In many cases this is understandable, given the desire to dodge the charge of hypocrisy. Yet in the UK, where we consider ourselves to have an open and mature democracy, we cannot avoid the issue any longer. An open and frank discus- sion concerning the role of private schools is very much needed.

Ensuring that we give all children the same start is impossible, but that does not mean we should not try.