Thursday, May 15, 2025
Blog Page 1316

Live Review: Arcade Fire (London)

0

A lot has been said about Arcade Fire’s latest record, Reflektor, and not all of it complimentary. Certain diehards lamented, and continue lamenting, the transition from the underdog indie outfit they were back on the now seminal Funeral, to the supposedly over-populated, self-indulgent, make-up clad rabble that appears at Earl’s Court tonight in support of Reflektor. This change of image is only aggravated with the insistence beforehand that all attendees dress up in either fancy dress or formal attire, an arrogant and pretentious request according to some. Other devotees worried about how this risky new style would translate from the security of a New York recording studio to a faceless British arena; any doubts were quashed as soon as the lights went down and the curtain was raised. Earl’s court was, for a night, transformed into a 1970s discotheque, with the sight of the best part of 20,000 fans in black tie, tiger onesies and banana costumes producing a staggering communal atmosphere not often felt in a venue of this nature. 

From the outset, the band exhibit such raw energy and enthusiasm that it’s impossible for the audience not to be swept away with them; opening track ‘Reflektor’ is eight minutes of unadulterated disco, and the often forgettable ‘Flashbulb Eyes’ that follows is hypnotic in both its meandering pace and visual accompaniments. The set that follows is a beautiful balance between new and old material: the euphoric coupling of ‘Neighborhood 3 (Power Out)’ and ‘Rebellion (Lies)’ are still enough to get any cynic crying with joy, with new track ‘Joan of Arc’ instilling a similar level of ecstasy. But it’s the more reserved numbers where the band really shows how far it’s come. Win Butler’s haunting vocals on ‘The Suburbs’ stun the audience into silence, and the intimacy between Butler and wife Régine Chassange, singing on a separate stage in the middle of the arena, on ‘It’s Never Over’ is quite remarkable in its beauty. There’s even room for Ian McCulloch (of Echo and the Bunnymen) to guest on a cover of his own band’s ‘The Cutter’, a touch that few would have expected.

The encore, as it sometimes can, does not drop the pace. The blistering guitar riff in ‘Normal Person’ again whips the crowd into a frenzy, with confetti canons accompanying the climax of ‘Here Comes The Night Time’. The night ends where the band begun, with original breakthrough track ‘Wake Up’, a fitting reminder that, despite all the smoke and mirrors, they are still the same awkward group of nobodies they were when Funeral erupted into the music world. This shows encompasses Arcade Fire at their imperious best: the intricacy of their new material combined with the raw passion of their old creates a show so ecstatic that, despite its two hour run time, ends far too soon. And with student tickets priced at £33.00 for their Hyde Park comeback (July 3) to come, it’s almost tempting to do it all over again.  

Review: Jumpy

0

Rather inaccurately, Jumpy describes itself as a play about sex. If anything, sex is merely a tiny part of a larger story about a mid-life crisis, about teetering on the edge of sanity as a feeling of powerlessness against the outside world chips away at all the reassurances of self-control.

It opens with Tilly, a moody 15 year old about to go out drinking to celebrate the birthday of her heavily pregnant friend, impatiently berating her mother’s concerned questions in a bid to get out of the door. At first it seems as though we are to be faced with a story of (somewhat clichéd) teenage rebellion and angst, but as the play progresses, it reveals a concern with more deep-seated feelings of confusion and vulnerability that are shown to be as prevalent at fifty as they are at fifteen.

The mother, Hilary – a neurotic middle-class woman in her fifties who suffers from panic attacks on the tube and eagerly turns to a diminishing supply of red wine to get her through the day – is reliving an adolescence of anxiety, excessive alcohol consumption, and later, in the wake of her disintegrated marriage, awkward sex. Tilly’s consistency, albeit little more than a consistent indifference to everyone and everything, stands in contrast with the volatility of her control-freak mother and subverts the expected hierarchy between parent and child.

Threatened with losing her job and living, it seems, in a stifling environment in which communication with either daughter or husband is scarce, Hilary’s breakdown is symptomatic of a feeling of loss and loneliness when confronted with age and the imminent prospect of sagging skin, or as Tilly illustratively terms it, ‘vagina neck’.

Despite an uncertain start, and some inconsistencies between the cast members, several really engaging moments of humour propel the first act forwards in the promise of more.

Unfortunately it’s a promise that is on the whole unfulfilled. The audience is left feeling as disconnected from the action as Tilly is from her mother’s attempts at bonding. The problem is perhaps the fact that there is no clear climax to the action, or at least, that the most climactic event (a gunshot) seems premature and lacking a convincing emotional basis.

Lara McIvor finds a compellingly tremulous balance between strength and vulnerability in her portrayal of Hilary and succeeds in the difficult task of embodying a much older role. Clara Davies’ Tilly seems effortless yet the two performances seem somewhat at odds with one another and the many nuances of the relationship are disappointingly left unearthed.

Without a doubt the standout performance is Sammy Glover’s Frances – Hilary’s uninhibitedly flirtatious friend who channels Samantha Jones and Edina Monsoon in equal measure; it was only a shame that there wasn’t more of her.

Jumpy is a play about the fragility of relationships commandeered by selfish instinct and a universal craving for connection, a recognition of which would perhaps have provided the play with the sense of unity that it needed to hold its best moments of comedy and pathos together.

Review: Frankenstein

0

When we think of Frankenstein far too often Boris Karloff’s rigid bolted figure lumbers into our minds, yet this production produces a monster a thousand times more scary. By constantly oscillating between humour and the darker development of the monster’s crimes the audience is invited to laugh, but always slightly uneasily. And boy are there laughs! I tried surreptitiously listing them at first but found that I was almost constantly writing and gave up. The moment Frankenstein (Howard Coase) strolled on stage, looked quizzically at the monster (Nick Finerty)… then ate a monster munch the sere absurdity of it all sent the audience into hysterics. He proceeds to give a hilarious dichtophone commentary on his actions which marks the start of a fantastic script, cleverly adapted from the novel, that constantly plays with our expectations . By mimicking Shelley’s own disjunction of narrative into several separate plots, the script constantly invites you to trace through your memory to remember quite where you have heard ‘cartoons’ or ‘Billie Holiday’ before. I will leave you to find out.  

Finerty and Coase are undoubtedly the stars of the show and their early scenes, particularly the one in the restaurant, are the highlights of the entire production.  Nick Finerty’s development from writhing inarticulacy to questionable humanity was confidently and convincingly portrayed throughout. His rise mirrors Frankenstein’s fall, yet both are placed within an alarmingly realistic modern context. In an earlier interview, director Harley Viveash said that ‘exploring ideas of perspective’ was a key aim and this is borne out in the constant misunderstandings between the characters. They seem to exist at one remove from each other, never comprehending each other’s analogies or turns of phrase.

The success of this is a testament to the whole cast who, though obviously having read the lines a million times in rehearsal, are able to seem  distant. The two leads are supported by a solid cast whose well choreographed chorus actions provide unnerving backdrops to dialogue and facilitate near seamless scene transition. I don’t have enough words to explain the many individual merits of each cast member, but Josh Dolphin’s portrayal of Mike, the old man, and Henry, the best friend, showed him to be a talented and highly versatile actor.  I suppose there was very audible talking in tech box which did somewhat ruin the tension that between the monster and Elizabeth (Alice Sandelson), but now I am hunting for problems. All in all this is an excellent production acted by a strong cast which sparkles with mirth and malice. A must see.

 

Review: Voyage of the Narwhal

0

The beauty of sketch comedy is in its variety. Should a particular skit be received badly, it is only moments before it will be replaced by another with a different topic, different characters and quite possibly a different style altogether; there is rarely an observable linking thread between items. Audiences are swiftly taken from piece to piece and thus misses are inevitably swallowed up by hits.

In creating what is essentially a sketch show with a narrative then, three-man comedy group The Awkward Silence have taken a bold step, but one that was undoubtedly worth taking. With The Voyage Of The Narwhal, they have fashioned a series of skits linked by a vague storyline but commendably managed to retain the diversity typical to most sketch shows.

All (or the vast majority) of the scenes are set on the eponymous luxury cruise liner on its doomed maiden voyage. Ralph Jones, Vyvyan Almond and Alexander Fox share a host of imbecilic, eccentric and downright bizarre characters between them, ranging from three rugged seamen who sing entirely politically-correct sea shanties (‘What shall we do with a transgender sailor?’) to a trio of vain American ladies who speak solely in banalities, from a mysterious eastern-European scientist to a strange Pterodactyl-like monster.

There is something of Radio 4’s brilliant comedy series Bleak Expectations about The Voyage Of The Narwhal, particularly in Jones’ somewhat nostalgic narration. Plot-line is entirely secondary to comedic content but this is hardly has a detrimental effect. The show’s hectic nature, dynamic style and undeniably entertaining concept mask any depth of narrative.

The three performers are laudably versatile. Almond undoubtedly provides the most laughs. His Captain Grey is memorable, notably for the utterly hilarious story he tells about losing his manhood in an amorous encounter with an iceberg, but his caricature of a blind American showbiz mogul is equally funny. Fox’s portrayal of the ship’s beleaguered stand-up comedian is praiseworthy, although his affected incompetence occasionally seems a little too real, and Jones is amusing as a sex-crazed transatlantic gentlewoman.

It is when all three combine, however, that the laughs are loudest and the show at its finest. The trio have obvious chemistry and although their interaction lacked a modicum of slickness, their ability to play off each other, both verbally and physically, more than makes up for this. Perhaps the show’s best sketches are those where all three portray incompetent master criminals, intent on sinking the Narwhal yet simultaneously distracted by its lavish decadence.

The Voyage Of The Narwhal was shortlisted for a BBC Writer’s Prize and such an accolade is wholly deserved; Its variety of mirthful characters, engaging concept, and adept comic performances combine well, creating a thoroughly enjoyable show.

Investigation: Bursaries and Hardship Grants

0

A C+ investigation into hardship funds and the availability of bursaries has discovered that the assistance provided to student in Oxford varies extensively between colleges, although each does stress that the University’s Access to Learning Fund ought to be the first port of call for financially struggling students.

In Freedom of Information requests submitted by C+, colleges were asked whether or not they had a specific budget for hardship assistance, and if they did so, to reveal the size of said budget. Colleges who responded saying that they had budgets to cover student hardship needs included Brasenose, who budget £10,000, St. Edmund Hall, who budget £15,000, and St. Hilda’s, who budget £14,000. However the two colleges which declared the biggest budgets for this purpose were Oriel and Exeter, with £54,000 and £44,150 respectively.

Other colleges were more vague in disclosing the money available to struggling students. Somerville stated that they set aside £229,000 annually for ”undergraduate support”, and £196,000 to assist graduates, with 30% of students receiving some form of bursary and each application at Somerville being individually assessed on its own merits, based solely on hardship and financial circumstance.

Many colleges, such as Jesus, Merton, Worcester and St. John’s, offer hardship grants to those in need, but do not have a defined hardship budget.
If there are differences in hardship budgets there are also differences between colleges in the number of people applying for hardship grants. Despite having the highest food and accommodation costs, only two students at Pembroke received hardship grants while for the last two academic years, four students at Brasenose applied for college help.

All colleges contribute to the Oxford Opportunity Bursaries to some degree. At Jesus, £40,000 is automatically applied for qualifying recipients.

The criteria for these bursaries is decided by the College themselves. Most take the same line as the central University Hardship Committee does, evaluating need using the government scale. Colleges such as Brasenose, Teddy Hall, St Hugh’s, Jesus, and Worcester, however, stress that each application is considered individually. At Wolfson, wider parameters are set out, including how the student had planned to fund their course, what changed about that funding, and whether the student is supporting a partner or children.

However, the Merton application requires both setting out financial situation, and estimating anticipated income and expenditure. Indeed, Pembroke only offers support for those who cannot apply for University funds, although the information taken into account is similar, based on government living cost guidelines.

Students at some colleges can also apply for one-off bursaries for unforeseen hardship. Oriel cites loss of a parent’s job or illness as common examples of such unforeseen circumstances.

The number of people who actually apply to access these funds also appears to differ massively college-to-college. For example, at Brasenose, only 11 hardship grants have been awarded over the past three years, whereas in 2012-2013 alone 24 students applied for assistance at Merton, and received a total of £26,616 between them.

The average amount of money granted to students varied too, with colleges like Jesus tending to award students in need between £250 and £500, whilst at St John’s the average funding received was £1,697.

The University’s Access to Learning Fund which is funded by central government can offer a maximum award of £2,500, although the University website states, “Where funding remains available this could be increased in Trinity Term.”

The fund also comes with the caveat that, “Undergraduates may only be given an award from the Access to Learning Fund to support them for the costs incurred during the academic year. No assistance can be given for the Long Vacation.”

A spokesperson for Oxford University told C+, “Last year we spent more than £7 million on the most generous package of financial support for low-income students of any UK university so that financial background is not an obstacle – real or perceived – to studying at Oxford.”

Sporting Rock Stars: Muhammad Ali

0

After winning a light heavyweight gold medal in the 1960 summer Olympics for his country in Rome and becoming an Amateur Athletic Union national title winner at only 18 years old, Cassius Clay had the world at his feet. As an amateur, he had won 100 fights and lost only five. Upon returning home, he went to a restaurant with his friend in Ohio and was refused entry due to the colour of his skin. In his autobiogra- phy, he recalls how he proceeded to throw his gold medal into the river.

Ali has had unique success and was world heavyweight champion for three separate periods (1964-67, 1974-78, and 1978-79). Immensely popular, his unique personality in press conferences (coining phrases such as “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”) and epic fights; such as the ‘Thriller in Manila’ against Joe Frazier and ‘Rumble in the jungle’ with George Foreman, made him a hero to many around the world. In his epic bout with Foreman he opted to play “rope- a-dope”, taking huge numbers of punches in order to tire Foreman. After lolling back on the ropes and inviting punishment for 8 rounds against the world champion, Ali burst into life and managed a knockout.

In addition to his sporting prowess, his humanity always managed to shine through. Whilst he won multiple titles, he also lost them. Losing 5 times in his career, his most famous defeats included losing his title to Ken Norton after 12 rounds on a points decision, and then there’s his defeat to Joe Frazer after an epic 15 rounds. Yet what made him so great was that he always came back and triumphed in spite of his setbacks.

Indeed, he overcame adversity through- out his career, inside and outside the ring. In 1967 he was stripped of his heavyweight title and forced to fight through the courts to clear his conviction for draft evasion. He had refused to fight in the Vietnam War, famously stating that, “no Vietcong ever called me n****”. By the time he was cleared, he had been away from boxing for 4 years. However, even after losing years of his prime, he still managed to come back and twice regain the Heavyweight title. He was also a face of the civil rights movement. A friend of Malcom X, in 1964 he converted to Islam and joined the Nation of Islam group, announcing that, “Cassius Clay is my slave name”.

One of the biggest tragedies of Ali’s life has been in his later years, with years of taking punches linked to his contraction of Parkinson’s disease.

He now focusses on supporting the Muhammad Ali Parkinson’s Research Center in Phoenix, Arizona and is a driving force behind the Muhammad Ali Boxing Reform Act, which attempts to improve the condition of professional boxers in the US; protecting the athletes from manipulative trainers and poor conditions.

He was an inspiration to the world, having been voted “sportsman of the century” by Sports Illustrated, and Sports’ Personality of the century by the BBC. Not only a great sportsman, he was a campaigner for civil freedoms and rights, and now is an influential ambassador for international peace. He had to overcome deep prejudices and adversity, whilst revolutionising the sport of boxing.

In-form cricketers looking to Lord’s

0

Oxford’s female cricketers were faced with one of the toughest tests of the season, as they tackled the Cambridge University Women’s team at The Parks this term. The two sides had previously met in an extremely close BUCS fixture the week before, therefore promising for an exciting match between the rivals.

Cambridge won the toss on a somewhat cold and damp day at the Parks and decided to bat first. Webster and Ravi got their side off to a positive start with 28 off the first 4 overs, before Oxford were rewarded with their break- through of the wicket of Webster, for 10, from the introduction of spin from Ridhi Kashyap. The following two wickets of the Ravi twins fell within the space of 5 balls as Chatterji picked up her first wicket of the season and Kashyap furthered on an impressive spell with a great catch from keeper Lucy Stuchfield, to take the wicket of opener Nikhila Ravi for an orderly 27 off 33 balls.

From then on, Oxford remained on top in the field as they managed to hold their catches and keep the pressure on Cambridge as the wickets started to fall. The next 10 overs saw Cambridge only able to score 15 runs as Moore, Oberoi and Bath all picked up a wicket each, with a notable finishing spell from captain Tina Gough, bowling back to back maidens in order to restrict the opposition, after a late flurry of wickets in the last 2 overs, with an impressive direct hit run out from Watts, seeing Cambridge to 77 all out from their allotted 20 overs.

Oxford knew that they were in the driving seat after a promising performance in the field, but the early wicket of opener Chatterji in the first over, proved Cambridge were not giving up quite so soon. The introduction of Lucy Stuchfield saw an impressive 51 run partner- ship off just 41 balls with Ellie Bath, to see Oxford take control. Stuchfield ended her knock of 31 from 24 balls, as she was trapped leg before from the bowling of Nikhila Ravi. Gough was then able to join Bath at the crease, which provided the vital innings for the Oxford team to build around of 29, as Oxford chased down their target at ease with 7.5 overs to spare.

Oxford now go into the 50-over Varsity match at Lord’s in a strong position, looking for a hat trick of wins over the Tabs for the season.

The Women’s 50-over Varsity cricket match dates back to at least the 1960s and was originally a declaration contest. This was changed to the modern 50-over format of the game in 1996, and has remained this way since then.

At first the venue of the match alternated between The Parks (in Oxford) and Fenner’s (in Cambridge), however from 2001 onwards the match has been contested at Lord’s cricket ground in London.

The Women’s match takes place on the Nursery Ground, behind the main stage, and concurrently with the men’s Varsity match which is played on the Main Ground.

The matches are followed by a joint reception in the Long Room, one of the most prestigious interiors at any sports ground in the world.

The 2013 season was very successful, with OUWCC finishing at the top of their league and gaining promotion in BUCS. However, the main event, the Varsity 50-over match, was washed out last year, so the team go into this year’s fixture with extra determination to win.

The Women’s game has been growing from strength to strength in recent years, becoming more popular with live audiences as well as on television. This growth is particularly evident in Oxford. Past and current members of OUWCC have represented England, England U21, County XIs and the British Universities Com- bined XI.

The game is also accessible to anyone who wants to play. As a result of the high standard of coaching, many of the players join OUWCC as complete beginners and leave as important members of the team.

The cricket Varsity matches are to be held on Friday 20th June this year at Lord’s. Last year’s Men’s fixture proved very exciting with Sam Agarwal breaking the Varsity batting record. The fixture draws large crowds to the home of cricket, and is set to be a great day.

Second city blues: Fancy another relegation battle?

0

Iconic Liverpool Manager Bill Shankly’s assertion that, “Some people believe football is a matter of life and death; I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that” is oft-quoted, but it remains accurate, and amidst the focus on glory, it’s easy to forget that Shankly’s words are true even for the less successful sides.

The rivalry between Birmingham and Aston Villa exemplifies this: it is close, personal and passionate – a tribal war which straddles families and stretches right across the second city. It was wrought in the fire of working class passion; back when the Football League was in its infancy, massed armies of workers poured out of the then ‘workshop of the world’
in search of entertainment and a bit of aggression when the neighbours came to visit.

It has been three years since Alex McLeish’s Birmingham team exited the Premier League. This season, a 93rd minute equaliser from Paul Caddis saw the side hold onto their Championship status by the very tips of their fingers – a huge sigh of relief was exhaled by the blue side of Birmingham.

In the other half of the city, that sigh was replicated. Surviving a third successive relegation battle for Aston Villa – which would have seemed a remarkable fact during the club’s moderately successful period under Martin O’Neil – has become an accomplishment, although something that has caused fans to lose faith in both manager, Paul Lambert and chairman, Randy Lerner, who’s now openly looking to sell the club.

It’s beginning to seem a long time since hostilities were renewed between these two ‘second city’ sides. A rivalry renowned for being intense, spirited and occasionally violent, is a distant memory, a boring one-all draw at St. Andrews in January 2011 being the last time the two rivals locked horns.

When was it, then, that this derby started? The first meeting between the two teams took place on 27th September 1879. With City then going by the name of ‘Small Heath Alliance’, this noncompetitive match ended 1-0 to Aston Villa. Fast-forward eight years, and in the 1887 FA Cup, Villa won the first competetive game between the two 4-0. 135 years after their first meeting, the claret-and-blue half of Birmingham are undoubtedly top dogs, with Villa winning 51 of the 117 matches (City win- ning 37, and 29 draws).

However, a recent meeting in December 2010 showed why it is that this rivalry is one that is feared by those emotionally invested in either team. In the campaign that finished with the Blues beating Arsenal in the Carling Cup final, the two teams were drawn against each other in the quarter-finals. Nikola Zigic’s late winner sealed a 2-1 victory against Gerard Houllier’s Villa side which thus prompted a mass pitch invasion at the end of the match by City fans. Villa supporters were locked in the away end, and flares and missiles were thrown between the two sets of fans.

This match represents, unfortunately, the turbulent history between the two sides. Violence has marred many derbies and it is not only the fans that get emotionally involved, but the players too. A moment to remember was when Villa striker, Dion Dublin, landed a rather startling headbutt on City stalwart Robbie Savage. At the same time that Paul Caddis equalised, I, with a large proportion of other fans, was eagerly awaiting the news of whether our hated rivals had gone down. Indeed, this kind of schadenfreude has been the only fun available to Villa fans in recent years . This feeling, experienced by long-suffer- ing Birmingham City fans too, shows just why fans of clubs like the two in Birmingham relish having two derby matches a season.

Football fans should never revel in someone’s death

0

Most truly great things in life have a dark side: Batman; the moon; Oreos. Foot- ball is, unfortunately, no exception.

Sometimes, the offences of which the sport is guilty are simply amplifications of prejudices and attitudes that occur to some extent in society at large. Give a closet racist the frenzy and anonymity of a football match, and that usually latent racism might just be teased out; give a group of thugs an excuse to fight, and they will do so. These, to my mind, are not problems with the sport itself, but rather simply coincidental issues: football matches happen to facilitate antisocial and unacceptable behaviour.

The reaction of some Manchester United fans to the death of club owner Malcolm Glazer last week barely even registers as a football scandal. The reaction, however, was nonetheless startling: this was not just the expression of hatred by a few prejudiced individuals who found in football a suitable theatre for their vitriol, but rather a whole middle ground of passionate football fans who felt their hatred to be justifiably derived from football itself.

What, then, was this reaction? There were, of course, any number of tweets from people who are apparently still yet to work out that what they say on Twitter is accessible to everyone – tweets which, predictably, were outspoken in their gloating delight at an old man’s death. Some of these, naturally, had insidious overtones of prejudice and hatred. The grim reality is that Twitter is a forum for all kinds of vitriol. A few weeks ago, when the Boston Bruins ice hockey team fell prey to the talents of P.K. Subban, a black player appearing for the Montréal Canadiens, the word ‘n*gger’ began trending in Boston. Twitter, just like sports matches themselves, offers an illusion of ano- nymity that tempts the despicable to come crawling out of the woodwork.

Given the nature of Twitter and its chequered history, then, the hateful reaction of a few was only to be expected. What startled me was not the reaction of those who revelled leeringly in the death under the guise of anonymity, but rather the callous, cold response of semi-public figures in the footballing world. Take, for example, the frankly pathetic statement given by Andy Walsh, general manager of FC United, the splinter club set up in protest against the Glazer takeover. Walsh could muster no condolences, no regret at the passing of an old man: all he could bring him- self to say was that Glazer had “taken advantage” of the “lack of regulation” in the game, and had “caused a lot of pain in this city”. As a United fan myself, I spend much of my time reading fan blogs, the best of which – and by far the biggest – being ‘Republik of Mancunia’. Taking a well earned break having written the first few lines of the introduction to an essay last week, I checked the blog for news, to be greeted only with the stark headline ‘Glazer Dead’. The Twitter page for the blog, meanwhile, suggested “Jelly and ice cream?”, a reference to the ‘having a party when [genocidal murderer / puppy killer / ruthless despot / football club owner] dies’ school of hilarious chants. Again – no sympathy, no condolences, only satisfaction.

This is a phenomenon that has been seen before. Only last year, the death of Margaret Thatcher provoked a slew of Twitter celebrations and even street parties – the depressingly widespread nature of the joy expressed was demonstrated as Judy Garland’s ‘Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead’ soared to the top of the iTunes charts. The reaction was, in my view, sickening; it was nevertheless in some perverted sense understandable. Thatcher had, according to her detractors, ruined lives – as Prime Minister, she certainly had the power to do so. Malcolm Glazer, as owner of Manchester United Football Club, had no such powers. Sure, having to watch Marouane Fellaini stomp around the pitch with all the poise and technique of Treebeard came pretty close to ruining my life. But this is football, not life.

Malcolm Glazer did not leave millions unemployed. Malcolm Glazer was not responsible for unprecedented levels of national inequality. Malcolm Glazer never tried to introduce a poll tax. What, then, did Malcolm Glazer do? Glazer took over Manchester United using the mechanism of a leveraged buyout, and consequently saddled the club with debt. The trail of death, destruction and ‘pain’ left by this takeover includes five Premier League titles, three League Cups, five Com- munity Shields, a Champions League and a FIFA Club World Cup. True, ticket prices have risen – but this has been the case at almost every Premiership club. True, Manchester United still, unbelievably, have not addressed problems with their squad quality – but given the amount of money thrown at the problem, and Sir Alex Ferguson’s constant reassurances that the Glazers provided him with as much money as he ever asked for, it seems wrong to blame Malcolm Glazer for this situation.

None of this, however, is relevant. By engag- ing with a debate about whether Glazer was ‘good’ for United, we implicitly legitimise the view espoused by the tweeters and bloggers referred to above: the view that footballing considerations, if they are strong enough, may override basic human decency, that if a man damages the prospects of success for our club, it is in some way justified to revel in his death. This, to me, is football gone too far.

Loading the Canon: Flashman

0

George MacDonald Frazer is a genius. From his pen leaps the fully grown bounder, cad and all round rascal that is the inimitable Harry Flashman (VC KCB KCIE). If one reads Tom Brown’s Schooldays one finds the youthful Flashy roasting young boys and all the rest of it. Frazer takes this vile specimen of humanity and, in the form of his own memoirs, places him in every great battle of the Nineteenth Century, from the Charge of the Light Brigade, to the Indian Mutiny, to Little Bighorn and Custer’s Last Stand. And all the while Flashman – like all true bullies a tremendous coward – is quaking in his spurred cavalryman’s boots.

Frazer is as much an historian as anything, and the “memoirs” are so ac- curate that many (especially, it has to be said, our friends on the other side of the pond) are led to believe that this character really did bounder his way across the bed sheets of history and live to write his own brilliant account of his womanizing exploits. Thus Florence Nightingale, Prince Albert, George Custer and Lord Cardigan are all completely convincing, and, one feels, true to their actual selves.

But perhaps Frazer’s greatest achievement is to construct a character whom one loves but is in every way awful. In one memorable episode, Flash is racing across the frozen wastes of the Russian winter in a sled, escaping the captivity of a fearsome noble, having picked up his beautiful daughter along the way, pursued by a band of equally fear- some men on horseback. As the men gain, Flashman has a brilliant idea. Undoing the canvas, he casts the naked and sleeping girl (whose room he has been visiting nightly for the last month or so) from her nest of furs, straight out upon the snow, the sled speeding off into the distance, freed of unnecessary weight!

And yet we still love him. He promises to elope with a French prostitute in New Orleans, only to sell her to a native American tribe. And we still love him. Why? Because, I think, he is never the overlord. He is always the underdog, trying to desperately to escape trouble and live an easy life, and always, somehow, failing. The archetypal coward, he invariably, by some incredible stroke of luck, comes out as the hero. He heads the charge into the guns at Balaclava due to a bolting horse, and is awarded the VC after the Indian Mutiny for trying to do little more than chasing after an exotic queen. Very few books are as much fun as the Flashman series. I only wish I hadn’t read them all already.