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Houmous Girl – 6th week Trinity

An Oxford Observer
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Houmous Girl – 6th week Trinity

Rower Lad sat alone in his room.

He had awoken abruptly with a mouth that was simultaneously as dry as sandpaper and as sticky as his noxious armpits. His hand was adhering to the side of his face, glued in place with what seemed to be garlic mayo.

Clutching his stomach, which was churning like an erg machine gone haywire, he blundered heavily to his feet. The vision in the mirror might have been a half-Blue, but it was only about 20% human. The other 80% was a desperate blend of jello shots, lycra and regret.

This, he thought, was surely it. As Houmous Girl fled the pub, he had thought of pursuing her. But though the spirit was willing, the flesh was weak, and the spirits he had drowned his sorrows in were stronger than both put together. Sorrow rose in his chest like vomit. Abruptly, he realised the sensation he was experiencing was in fact vomit rising like sorrow, and rushed across his room to the sink. How had it come to this? 

Houmous Girl sat alone in her room.

The cup of tea that Worryingly Intense Girl had mutely pressed into her hand had grown cold, but Houmous Girl’s heart still burned with an inflammatory rage that no amount of camomile tea could extinguish.

How dare Rower Lad turn up with those arsehole mates of his? Rugby Lad’s big red stupid shiny Jaeger-glazed face seemed to swim in front of her.

And yet Rower Lad himself had seemed so sad and confused. And only the other day, during a nuanced intellectual debate about whose turn it was to take the fucking bins out, Obnoxiously Opinionated Guy had pointed out that Nietzsche viewed resentment as a manifestation of inner weakness rather than of self-respect. Admittedly, he had been talking about the specifically Nietzchean despair inspired by a leaky binliner full of Styrofoam kebab trays in the hallway: but there were certain inescapable parallels between that malodorous sack of meaty scraps and Rower Lad himself. And he had looked so very forlorn…

Rower Lad sat alone in his room.

There was a knock at the door.

Varsity punting to take centre stage on the river

William Tomsett
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Varsity punting to take centre stage on the river

Punting is a must for any Oxford student in Trinity term, offering a great way to relax and absorb the sunshine. Since the tradition began during the reign of Victoria, thousands of students head down to the River Cherwell down by Magdalen Bridge to cruise through Christ Church Meadow and beyond.

However, there are other lesser-known spots throughout the city, such as on the River Isis by Port Meadow. Punting is surprisingly accessible on the Thames above the tidal limit at Teddington; even in places where the river is broad, it is often surprisingly shallow, especially near the banks.

Although it may sound like a rather leisurely sport, punt racing at its highest level is actually a very fast-paced affair requiring real upper body strength and a mastery of the technique. Punt racing has existed on the Thames since the 1880s, and unsurprisingly it was not long before Oxford and Cambridge hosted a race between the two universities – with the first mention of a race in the early 20th century. Since then, many races have been held between the two universities, and this year a race will be contested between Oxford and Cambridge for the first time since 2007. In this special feature, Cherwell looks back to the last Varsity punt race seven years ago.

The 2007 Punt Race was an exciting and fast-paced affair held in Cambridge during May Bumps (their equivalent of Summer Eights). Racing occurred in pairs and the cup was contested over a series of five races. Four races down, and the two teams were tied; the result would thus come down to the final race. Yet Oxford’s top pair, Alex Dickens and Andy Cohen, had been forced into the bank by a little of the Tabs’ infamous trickery in a previous race and the reserve team had to be called in.

In the final race, Cambridge, as was their plan, pushed forward over the first 30 yards. But they tired, the result of a recognizably poor fitness regime. Seizing their chance, Oxford’s daring reserve duo surged past, edging across the line in what some would call a photo finish.

The punting rivalry between the two universities extends beyond the river though, with the naming of the punting equipment differing between cities. The ‘punter’ stands at the rear of the punt, named the ‘box’ in Cambridge, but the ‘swim’ in Oxford. A pedantic difference perhaps encapsulates the age-old rivalry that has been held between the two universities.

This year, the Varsity punt race returns with a vengeance for the first time since the dramatic 2007 Oxford victory to be contested on the River Cam in the heart of the Other Place, on Wednesday of 7th Week.

Trials for the team were held on the Cherwell in third week, and the Oxford punting authorities can report that there are lots of beginners making up a an highly promising team.

Anyone interested in taking a casual punting habit to the next level, and perhaps even challenging our Cantabrian rivals should contact Will Tomsett at [email protected].

Trinity storm to victory in Cuppers five-a-side tournament

Jonathon Turnbull
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Trinity storm to victory in Cuppers five-a-side tournament

Thursday of 5th week saw the five-a-side Cuppers tournament come to its conclu- sion during an exciting finals day at Iffley Road. Trinity College took the trophy after a successful tournament on the pitch, which more than made up for their paltry five points from twelve games in the JCR First Division.

To begin our run-through of a finals day, let’s start with the last eight matches which kicked off the occasion. The first quarter-final match saw Exeter 2nds knock out last year’s winners St. Hugh’s 1sts with a 1-0 victory. A goal from Chris Bennett was enough to see them through to the semis.

Pembroke 3rds played Keble 1B in the second quarter. With the Pembroke side fielding four Blues players in their starting five, it was perhaps unsuprising that they won the match 2 – 0. Clinically-taken goals from Rich Lloyd and Leo Barnes sealed them a place in the semis, and having made it that far without conceding a goal, they were looking like a good bet to win.

New 1sts beat St. Anne’s 3rds 3 – 0, with two goals from Stephen Hayes and one from Mike Feeney in the third quarter-final. This was a shame for a talented Anne’s side which included Pepe patrolling the defence (sadly not that Pepe though).

In the last quarter final, Trinity 1sts beat Wad- ham 2nds 2 – 1, with their goals coming from the Blues Varsity match’s man of the match, Michael Moneke, and David Baker. The goal of the tournament then came from Wadham’s Jeremy Stothart, who fired in a wonderful vol- ley to get his team back in the match, but the whistle blew soon after, and the semi-finalists were decided.

The first semi-final was contested between Pembroke and Exeter. Pembroke continued to defend well and successfully maintained their clean sheet streak, beating the Turl Street side 2 – 0. Two goals from Tom Brown – one from distance, and a brilliant solo effort – secured their place in the final.

The second semi-final saw Trinity play New. A shocker from New’s goalkeeper allowed Trinity to take the lead with a goal from Nicholas Hobhouse. Tim Wade’s effort – which would have dragged New back into contention – was ruled out for being inside the area. Two quickfire goals from next year’s Blues captain Ezra Rubenstein then stopped any hope of a New come-back, and saw Trinity into the final with a 3 – 0 victory.

The playoff for third place saw seven goals, with New beating Exeter 5 – 2. Exeter’s goals came from Ben Dobson, and New’s came from Tim Wade, Raphael Rifkin-Zybutz, and a Matt Wood hat trick.

The final between Trinity and Pembroke saw the tournament’s top goal scorers face off against a team that were yet to concede in the tournament. The match got off to a shaky start with both teams displaying nerves. Rubenstein spurned an early chance for Trinity, but his teammate, Moneke, was on form to prevent Rich Lloyd from putting Pembroke ahead with a last-ditch sliding tackle in front of goal.

Soon after, Moneke struck from long distance to put Trinity 1 – 0 ahead. This was followed by a solid strike from Rubenstein to double their lead going into half time.

The second half got off to a faster start with Moneke hitting the post early on. Rubenstein showed his class – and why he’s the most capped Blues footballer on record – by bursting the net with a wonder strike after being fouled in the opposition’s half. He went on to complete his hat trick with a back heel flick that saw Trinity win the tournament.

Cherwell Sport spoke to Ezra Rubenstein, who was voted player of the tournament, after the match. Delighted with his team’s performance in the final he said, “Who needs a keeper?” He then reflected on the tournament by saying, “Wadham gave us our best game in the quarter-final, and I didn’t think the final against Pembroke would be that easy.”

The team of the tournament, including four subtitutes was made up of Ben Szreter of Wadham in goal, Josh Vivian (Wadham), Pepe (St. Anne’s), Ezra Rubenstein (Trinity), and Dan Ginger (Keble). On the bench were Fred Ellis (Trinity), Mike Moneke (Trinity), Matt Metcalfe (Wadham) and Tom Brown (Pembroke).

 

 

Cherwell live tweet the #OxfordUnionVigil

Jack Doyle
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Cherwell live tweet the #OxfordUnionVigil

Over 100 people have gathered outside the Oxford Union in a vigil to protest the “casual response” to rape allegations against Union President Ben Sullivan.

This follows the Union’s decision to avoid a vote of no confidence in Sullivan last week.

Sullivan was arrested on 7th May on suspicion of rape and attempted rape and subsequently released on bail without charge.

Since then, the Oxford Union has come under criticism from students and the wider public. Several of this term’s planned speakers have cancelled engagements at the Union, including Tawakkol Karman, Julie Meyer, Eric Whitacre, and Norman Finkelstein. Other speakers, like philosopher A.C. Grayling, have defended their decisions to attend on the basis that Sullivan is innocent until proven guilty.

Get the most recent updates on Twitter here.

Students and Oxford townspeople speaking at outside the Union #OxfordUnionVigil pic.twitter.com/UTcdRJVsJT

— Cherwell (@Cherwell_Online) June 5, 2014

Worcester victorious at Corpus Tortoise race

Charlie Atkins
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Worcester victorious at Corpus Tortoise race

Last Sunday saw Corpus Christi’s annual Tortoise Fair take place. The event, this year attended by thousands of students and residents of Oxford, centres around a thrilling and surprisingly fast paced inter-collegiate tortoise race.

Corpus JCR voted to donate all proceeds to Oxford’s Mind Your Head campaign.

Worcester College triumphed in this year’s race, with Zoom and Shelly taking first and second place respectively. The duo had previously come second and third last year.

“Zoom had a lot of pressure on him with a name like that”, explained one observer, “but he handled it well.”

Hopes of a home victory were dashed as the race officials announced Foxe, Corpus’s entrant, had been “disqualified for assaulting another tortoise”.

Corpus Christi President, Richard Carwardine, acted as head official and took charge of the proceedings.

Worcester’s Tortoise Representative revealed to Cherwell, “Any talk of a steward’s inquiry is just hot air… The competition just wasn’t that good to be honest”.

“It’s disappointing that he let his frustrations out in the race”, explained Corpus Tortoise Keeper Arthur Harris of Foxe’s actions. “But hopefully next year it’ll be his year.”

Second year lawyer Aled Jones revealed a potential source of Foxe’s problems. “Unfortunately Foxe’s partner Oldham died over the summer”, he explained. “It was terribly sad.”

The competition, which some sources have claimed traces its origins back to the 1920s, also saw the debut of Hope and Faith, tortoise siblings of around five years in age. The Oxford-based sisters faced competition from reptiles as old as eighty and based as far away as London.

Alex Doody, a first year at Exeter, expressed his admiration for the participants. “They were so quick”, he said. “They were like Tort-athletes… One of them was like Usain Tortoise Bolt!”

Corpus Christi college itself was shell-shocked earlier this year when Oldham, the Corpus Tortoise, died in late August.

The tortoise had a long battle with ‘fly-strike’, whereby a wound in his carapace became infested with fly eggs and maggots, weakening him severely.

The news was broken in an email from the JCR President to all Corpus student. “Oldham, one of our favourite tortoises died over the summer… I don’t really know how to handle the news.

“This will be discussed at the first JCR meeting of term and if anyone needs to talk to someone please look towards the peer supporters, who are there for these moments.”

Summer Eights Review

Jon Hubbert
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Summer Eights Review

Summer Eights came to an exciting finish on Saturday as thousands of people descended on the banks of the River Thames to see the rowing. The weather held off as the barbecues on Boat House Island were lit and the Pimms flowed, the spectators eager to see the final day of Trinity term’s bumps.

Men’s division 1 saw Oriel bump both Christchurch and Pembroke on their way to winning headship, with a dominant row over on Saturday to seal it. No crew managed to get blades or spoons in division 1 this year, Trinity and Keble both came close to the former. Had Keble not had to attempt to overbump Worcester on day 1 or had Trinity had Oympian Constantine Louloudis in the boat rather than injured, then the result might have been different. Wadham made it into division 1 on the penultimate day at the expense of Hertford.

Wadham secured headship in women’s division 1 by bumping St John’s on Thursday and rowing over on the final two days. The middle of the division remained in a similar order, with Wolfson climbing three places only to be denied blades by a quick Keble crew. Somerville bumped into division 1 at the expense of Merton who received spoons.

To many of the rowers, Saturday brings mixed feelings. To some they know that if they bump the crew in front, they will earn blades and be immortalised in chalk on college walls. However others are acutely aware that if they get bumped, they will receive spoons – the least impressive of all rowing’s many trophies.

In total 16 crews earned blades, 10 in men’s divisions and 6 in women’s, and 19 received spoons, 7 in men’s divisions and 12 in women’s. St Peter’s were the highest ranked men’s crew to get blades by climbing from the bottom of division 2, an impressive feat. Exeter on the other hand were the most senior crew to receive spoons and now sit just one place above division 3, some way below 3rd places in division 1 where they sat 10 years ago.

On the women’s side the highest ranking blades were for University II. The feat is made especially impressive by the fact that University III received spoons and are three divisions below. Particular mention must go to St Hugh’s Boat Club who were +11 between their three women’s boats. They only missed out on an incredible third set of blades for the squad because they could not quite manage to complete the overbump to Linacre on Thursday.

The happiest overall colleges will be Wadham with their women’s headship and M2 blades, and Green Templeton and St Peter’s, who both managed to earn blades in men’s and women’s divisions. Pembroke by contrast received spoons for both M3 and W3, and Exeter received spoons for every boat they entered in the competition and will be hoping for much better at Torpids 2015.

Review: As You Like It

Archive
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Review: As You Like It

Before the play begins, the audience of Buskins’ production of As You Like It are escorted away from the elegant buildings and well-kept lawns of Worcester College, down passageways and across bridges, into a woody clearing of the College gardens, which serves as the stage for Shakespeare’s comedic venture into the pastoral. It begins, lightly, to rain. Umbrellas are flirted with but given up on. The audience, like the court of the banished Duke – Rosalind, Celia, and Orlando, must adapt to the environment of the Forest of Arden, simple, wild, and laden with possibilities.

Another striking choice is the all-female cast. The director, Charlotte Fraser, wanted ‘a means of providing more roles for the female talent in Oxford,’ and this has certainly been an enormous success. Not only do we have an appropriately witty and charming Rosalind in Clemi Collett, and Claire Dowman as a deliciously sardonic Celia, the audience is also treated to accomplished performances of the play’s many male characters. Ellie Wade brings hilarity and originality to Touchstone; Madeleine Herbert incites both amusement and sympathy as melancholy and self-consciously intellectual Jaques. Aoife Cantrill’s dorkily besotted Orlando has an endearing naivety, creating a far more interesting, appealing, and amusing take on the character than the vast majority of actors – male or female – could manage. This not only demonstrates the formidable talents of Oxford’s female actors, but also illustrates the directorial claim that casting has ‘shed more light on the piece than [they] could have imagined,’ as it gives an intriguing twist to the play’s treatment of gender roles, and to the androgynous figure of Rosalind-as-Ganymede.

The cast deliver the well-worn lines of the play – ‘All the world’s a stage…’ etc. – with a freshness and inventiveness that makes them seem new and revelatory, as if they were spontaneously extemporised. This is a real indication of how well-realised the characters are, small parts like Charles and Le Beau just as much as larger ones like the play’s feisty and fiercely intelligent heroine.

The production is so engaging the audience would likely have neither noticed nor minded had there been a sudden downpour, but maybe bring a raincoat just to be on the safe side. Get to Worcester early to get seats near the front – otherwise, you may have to contort yourself into a variety of sitting and kneeling positions to get a good view. If you like Shakespeare, go and see this play. If you are in love, go and see this play, ideally with the object of your affections in tow. If you like plays, go and see this play. Sweet, hilarious, and moving, it honestly is an absolute must-see.

Trashing supplies website trashes its criticism

Esther Hodges
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Trashing supplies website trashes its criticism

The website trashing.me, established this term to provide trashing supplies for Oxford students, has responded to criticism from the University and colleges.

The University discourages the practice of trashing and many colleges have threatened fines and other sanctions for students caught engaged in the activity.

A spokesperson for the University told Cherwell, “We urge students to celebrate responsibly and to show consideration for local residents and other students still taking exams. In addition, this year, for the first time, we are working with the Oxford Food Bank to collect any foodstuffs brought to the examinations for misuse, for distribution to people in need in the local area.”

A member of the trashing.me team said, “Friends come together to see each other when they have finished exams, and this is a unique thing about Oxford which makes it particularly special: I do not know of any other universities where people come to see their friends when they finish their exams and help them relax and forget about anything that might have happened in the exam hall.

“Trashing marks the end of your degree, and the beginning of summer and real life – and as such, is a symbolic and integral part of Oxford life. I understand that throwing food is a common complaint that is made about trashing but would point towards other festivals and events such as Tomatina where the tomatoes paint the street.

“Nevertheless, we have deliberately not provided
any foodstuffs but only party items.”

50% of charitable uni donations go to Oxbridge

Dorothy Finan
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50% of charitable uni donations go to Oxbridge

An annual survey of donations to UK universities has revealed that Oxford and Cambridge received around £357 million in donations during the 2012-2013 financial year.

The results of the Ross-CASE Survey show that, between them, the Oxbridge institutions received just over half of the income generated
from the £660 million donated to all of the universities
surveyed.

The gap between Oxbridge donations and other universities is shown to be widening. The median largest donation to the two universities
was recorded as being a massive £19.5
million.

In contrast to Oxbridge, which was described by the report as having “elite fundraising programmes” and where income from philanthropy
has shown an increase on the previous year, the wider Russell Group has experienced a decrease in donations. Universities in the “University Alliance” group, such as Oxford Brookes and Manchester Metropolitan, had an average donation income of just £772,000.

Across all universities, 59% of donations were received from organisations, the vast majority being charitable trusts and foundations, with under a third of these being from companies. The rest were from individuals, mostly alumni.

The survey suggested that the success of Oxbridge philanthropy can be largely attributed to the large amount of money invested in fundraising. It found that every pound received in donations costs 7 pence in fundraising costs.

A University spokesperson told Cherwell, “We are delighted that philanthropic support for higher education is showing an upward trend and that fundraising at Oxford is helping to lead the way. In 2012-13 almost £220m was raised in philanthropic support for the Oxford Thinking campaign, which reflects fundraising activity across the collegiate University.

“The support received throughout the course of the Oxford Thinking campaign is having real, demonstrable impact – from providing scholarships and other support for students, to expanding research programmes across a wide range of academic disciplines and helping enable the construction of new buildings which benefit staff and students alike.”

Students demonstrate in protest against new Spanish king

Alex Stronell
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Students demonstrate in protest against new Spanish king

Opponents of the Spanish monarchy marched through Oxford on Monday in protest against the installation of a new Spanish king, following the abdication of Juan Carlos I in favour of his son, Felipe.

Some 35 protesters, among them Oxford students, marched from the Radcliffe Camera to Cornmarket Street calling for a referendum on the continuation of the monarchy. The protest’s organisers expressed their approval at the size of the crowd, given they had only four hours’ notice. 

Protesters chanted, “One, two, three, republic once again”, referencing the two former Spanish republics of 1873 and 1931.

Arturo Zoffman Rodriguez, who organised the protest, told Cherwell, “The king has been the visible head of a system that has taken Spain to crisis and brought misery to millions, while a few parasites line their pockets. Those same parasites orchestrated the repression
of our grandparents in 1936, were at the helm under Franco, and are still calling the shots nowadays.”

He continued, “The Spanish youth and workers are starting to re-evaluate all the institutions that have been in charge of society; the traditional parties, big business, the church, and, of course, the monarchy. We don’t want to see a new king being imposed upon us as Juan Carlos was imposed upon our parents. We want to have a say and take our fate into our own hands, and the first step to do this is to have a referendum on the monarchy.”

Juan Carlos I became king of Spain in 1975, having been named the next head of state by dictator Francisco Franco. He presided over Spain’s transition to democracy, and played a major role in preventing a military coup in 1981.

The king announced his abdication on Monday, stating in a televised address that it was time for a new generation to take on the burdens
of reform.

Several republican protests have since taken place across Europe in the wake of the king’s abdication, in cities including Paris, Amsterdam,
London and Berlin. 

Juan Carlos’ successor, Felipe, is due to be crowned on 18th June.

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