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Tom Mendelsohn on drinking societies and the media

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It isn’t about the drinking, you know; lord knows we’re all entitled to drink what we like. It isn’t about societies, either, and it isn’t even that drinking societies are bad, in themselves. I was in one myself, and it was daft and fun and harmless.

The problem, really, comes when they’re not harmless, when some bright spark floats the notion of spiking women’s drinks on a crew date, or when Conservative society decides dressing its women up as animals for a “fox hunt” social.

I just can’t help but feel that anger with the press for shining a light on, say, rugby players dressed as savages for an off-colour bop, or white folks in blackface in general, or people dressed as the exploding Twin Towers, for fuck’s sake, is particularly well placed. Blacking up, it should not need to be said, is not banterous, it’s a hurtful, overtly racist means of belittling a whole group of people for the colour of their skin. Describing women as “FREE PUSSY” and seeing them as nothing more than quarry to be hunted is equally unacceptable, and when this stuff happens, you can be damn sure it counts as news.

To be clear, I do not report on every last speck of ill behaviour I hear about; “shitfaced lax team projectile vomits across curryhouse toilet” is not news. You are vastly welcome, as far as I’m concerned, to get as battered as you like and indulge in as much naked windmilling as you physically can without the thing falling off, and you’ll never see me publish so much as a frowny-faced emoticon on the matter. But if you’ve gotten arseholed and disrupted A&E en masse in Cambridge, people are going to want to hear about it.

I admit that Oxford does get more than its fair share of press. I’ll tell you why: you are the elite, socially and academically, and people care about you and your misdemeanours. Why do you think the boat race has a viewership in the tens of millions? I guarantee it is not because Britain at large harbours a secret love of rowing. So if you misbehave on an egregious level – which of course practically none of you ever do – it will be read about.

There’s this feeling that Oxbridge somehow gets a negative rap in a media totally stuffed with alumni. If anything, I would contend that it gets a positive ride verging on the hagiographic, and that truly negative articles are noteworthy entirely by their rarity.

But it isn’t just you guys up to no good. There are drinking societies acting the twat up and down the land, from Stirling to Aberystwyth. Hell, when the Cambridge Wyverns were told they could no longer invite (intelligent, autonomous) women to jelly-wrestle in their pants, they invited them instead to ride a big pink bucking penis.

On a personal level I always found the whiff of class that pervaded most Oxford drinking societies to be more obnoxious, with their black ties and their black-balling. But my distaste for the likes of Grid and Piers Gav is better understood through a prism of economics, and the way Oxford’s posh boy boozing jamborees illustrate Oxford’s posh boy problem in general. That, though, isn’t news.

Drinking societies: a class distinction

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Unless you’ve spent most of your undergraduate life so far in a state of eremitism, someone will have presented you with an account of an all-male Oxford drinking society sexually objectifying, or even preying upon, a group of women. Drawing up fit lists; assuming guests to their events will end up ‘in bed with’ them; inviting female students to be ‘hunted’. That behaviour so belittling, entitled, and sometimes sinisterly predatory has not been suffered gladly and has in the last few years brought under fire such societies as the Black Cygnets of St Hugh’s, the Syndicate at Teddy Hall, and Hertford’s Penguin Club bodes well for Oxford’s development towards a less intimidating social landscape. What bodes less well, however, is that the criticism levelled at these institutions and others of their ilk is largely limited in scope to their treatment of women, occasionally extending to their proclivity to smash up restaurants, leave trails of glass in their wake, and decorate second quads with vomit. Of course, with their readily identifiable victims and their palpable consequences, these are the transgressions of Oxford’s drinking societies which make the easiest, and in some ways the most urgent, matters of discussion. However, if we are committed to confronting the quietly pervasive feelings of inadequacy and isolation that haunt so many of the university’s less privileged students as well as dealing with the ubiquitous spectre of misogyny, the discussion can’t end there. We have to address a number of other problems with Oxford’s drinking society culture.

Foremost amongst these is the way that drinking societies promote, by the very fact of their existence, the idea that some people’s company is so undesirable that barriers must be erected in order to ward it off and an association with them so objectionable that it must be denied. I know that sounds like a very ungenerous interpretation of drinking society culture and I don’t believe that many (if any) of its participants consciously set out to deliver to other students the message that they are ‘undesirables’ but considering the facts for a moment, I think it is clear that it is something they absolutely do. Now, there are some contexts in which our social interaction with others must be in some way circumscribed and formalised. A football competition is one such context. A boozy meal or night in Bridge is not. The nature of your activity is not emptied of its meaning if one or two more people decide to join you, as would be the case if two more players took to one side of the football pitch. The activity you are engaged in does not depend on all participants remaining recognisable as members of a named social constellation, as is the case in a football tournament. Alcohol-fuelled inter-year or inter-collegiate bonding is not enabled only by the formalisation of a social grouping and the close controlling of its boundaries. Thus where such formalisation has occurred, it is difficult to understand what the motivation behind it could be if not a deep disinclination to mix with, or even to be categorised alongside, anyone outside the select coterie in question. Even in the many cases where those who are excluded have no real desire to mix with the members of the self-proclaimed society, these clear, public signs that they would not be welcome to do so can still prove hurtful.

But it is not only over this essential fault that most of our drinking societies should be challenged: a high proportion of Oxford’ effective private members’ clubs must be called out for their gleeful flaunting of privilege. What makes that longstanding rumour about Bullingdon boys burning fifties in front of the homeless so believable is the fact that they, alongside members of most of the city’s other drinking clubs, can be seen burning their money on so many other occasions. Sometimes through excessive consumption (apparently the raison d’être of the Piers Gaveston society), sometimes through wanton destruction. Always in very bad taste. Because while it is easy to see, when you think about it rationally, that it is the individuals who put on these displays of luxury who are further out of step with most of Oxford, that does not stop those of us from working class backgrounds feeling, when another tale of their excesses hits the rumour mill, that old fear that Oxford is a place for the rich: a playground of privilege in which we are quite alone. And the fear is coupled with an increasingly strong sense of dissatisfaction with your own lot. Both this dissatisfaction and the sense of not belonging are reinforced, of course, by the way that a number of drinking societies not only flaunt them but treat those inherited comforts of wealth and social prominence as the ultimate indices of a person’s worth, indulging in a practice (unprovable but very real) of shortlisting candidates for each new intake based primarily, if not exclusively, on the schools they went to and the people they holiday with. Such a modus operandi, when it is observed in action enough times, goes a step further than making working-class students aware of their relative position on a socio-economic spectrum: it leaves them embarrassed by it. If you are shown repeatedly that only being rich and well-connected makes you socially desirable, eventually you start to believe it. Because their ways reinforce, and sometimes even inculcate, this sense of embarrassment, alongside feelings of dissatisfaction, isolation and rejection, Oxford’s drinking societies – even when they seem to be on their best behaviour – represent a dark blot on the university’s social landscape.

Question and answer with Regent’s Rabbits

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I’d like to know a bit more about Regent’s Rabbits – what sort of things do you do?

Beth: As a normal drinking society we go on crew dates (with all sorts of societies, blues teams, other college drinking societies and college sports teams). We go to Arzoo for crew dates. We used to go to At Thai but aren’t allowed back there…

Henna: We mainly do crewdate dinners at Arzoo, but we also have events where we spend a small budget we have from the JCR on drinks for the girls in a more informal setting (for those who don’t necessarily enjoy the traditional crewdate).

So you mainly do crewdate style dinners. Do you have any particular traditions for these events?

Henna: Yep, we do have our own set of drinking rules and traditions e.g. fines for those who wish to leave the table. They tend to be on the slightly outrageous side perhaps but are all good fun.

I understand that it is a very inclusive society, inviting to its events any who wish to go. Do you think this is an attitude more societies should take, especially those which term themselves ‘drinking societies’?

Beth: Our society is open to all girls at Regent’s and most girls come on at least one crew date to see if it’s their sort of thing. Some girls come on every crew date, some on just one. But I think it’s probably impractical for most colleges to be completely inclusive in their drinking societies because their colleges are big and they would have an impractical amount of people trying to crew date. Regent’s only have 30 people in a year so we can afford to invite all girls on crew dates.

Henna: I think the Rabbits are very specific to the culture of Regent’s generally, particularly its size. I’m not sure the model we have would work at larger colleges where perhaps the girls don’t know each other as well. We know each other really well and are generally open and comfortable each other. This makes boundaries very clear.

How do you think your society is perceived within college? Is it an important part of college life?

Beth: I think Rabbits is an important part of college life; the fun we have on crew dates inspired the boys of Regent’s to form their own drinking society, Re-Gents. As a college we love drinking and going out and the drinking societies create an organised outlet for this.

Does it enhance the reputation of the college, or make it a nicer place to be?

Beth: Within college I think our society is perceived very positively. We are a pretty well known drinking society throughout Oxford; I’ve met people who haven’t heard of Regent’s but have heard of Regent’s Rabbits. Most people in college love Regent’s and are proud to be a part of it; by making Regent’s well-known throughout the University we are doing a positive thing that the college support.

Is there anything you’d like to tell me which I haven’t asked?

Henna: In my opinion it’s a really good chance for us to assert our identity and have some fun as a group. There is the perception of crewdates as being all about pulling and girls being objectified but this is really not the case with our crewdates. We dress up because we enjoy it.

"Disproportionate coverage"?

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The relationship between the press and drinking societies has proved controversial over the years. Many students think that drinking societies receive a disproportionate and unfair press, while many think that their actions are reprehensible and should be reported upon accordingly. C+’s asked, “How do you think drinking societies and their activities are portrayed by the press?”

In response to this, there was a greater number of students who thought that the press report unfairly or very unfairly on drinking societies than fairly or very fairly. There appeared to be a general consensus amongst those who replied with ‘unfairly’ or ‘very unfairly’ that the press only ever report upon the negative aspects of drinking societies, such as when an instance of misogyny occurs, because that is the only time they are newsworthy.

One student wrote, “Those that are reported on probably deserve the bad press they receive, but as with anything, there are numerous societies that don’t behave appallingly, but of course this isn’t newsworthy, so isn’t reported. People tend to be mainly aware of raucous, infamous men-only societies, and take this to represent drinking societies as a whole.” Another student seemed to agree with this, saying, “I think the press tends to report mainly on the negative aspects of drinking societies, simply because they make much more interesting stories than the many incidents that happen which have no bad consequences.”

Most students agreed that the press tend to exacerbate the situation by reporting so frequently on Oxford drinking societies, with national papers picking up on stories and turning them into far bigger stories than they might otherwise have been. When the Black Cygnets ‘fox hunt’ story was reported upon by Cherwell and the OxStu last term, more than half a dozen national and international papers picked up on the story, including the Daily Mail, the Telegraph and the Huffington Post.

The Daily Mail in particular was cited by students as guilty of sensationalism. As one student commented, “The Daily Mail is a pile of piss.”

Yet for one person, student journalism was the most damaging, uncovering stories which might be better left uncovered. He said, “Drinking societies are awful, elitist and shouldn’t still exist, but opportunist and sensationalist stories from student ‘journalists’ looking for something vaguely like news to entice the national press often create a far bigger problem for Outreach/The University’s reputation than the actual societies themselves.

“When stories like these get picked up by say, the Daily Mail, they are hugely damaging for access work and as much as drinking societies often deserve condemnation, I can’t help thinking it would sometimes be better if they were just ignored.”

However, some think that such extensive coverage is important, highlighting some of the problems which are caused by the activities and attitudes of some drinking societies. One student wrote, “I was so so so glad to see that the student press was highlighting problems within some drinking societies. I was absolutely horrified to read some of the stories about young, naive fresher girls being subject to drinking societies that subscribe to what I think is a sick, damaging and distorted image of women. Well done Cherwell and OxStu and keep at it!”

Another student agreed that drinking societies should be reported upon, saying, “The members of the drinking societies should be named and shamed in public. Why is it that wealth and status provides a cloak over reprehensible behaviour?”

Many people said that by covering controversial stories, the press makes members of drinking societies aware that they cannot act entirely free from scrutiny. One student told Cherwell, “It’s good that this investigation is being carried out – I am aware that student papers are often unwilling to report on these societies and hold people to account, due to fears over defamation.”

Students are divided over how fairly Oxford drinking societies are treated in the press. 6.52% of students said that they were treated very fairly, 47% fairly, 43% unfairly, and 3% very unfairly. One student put the consensus simply: “Reporting can be salacious and gleeful, but is often sadly accurate.”

Drinking societies – a relic of Oxford?

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For many members of the public, the flaws of Oxford University are epitomised by drinking societies. In the press, discussion of students is dominated by talk of the Bullingdon; more recently, the Black Cygnets at St Hugh’s were condemned in national newspapers for leading a “fox hunt” of freshers. But how true are the rumours of elitism, misogyny, and ‘lad culture’ which surround drinking societies? This week, C+ investigates the truth about drinking clubs across the University.

Drinking societies have long played a role in the lives of students at the University of Oxford, with the Bullingdon Club – probably the university’s most famous and most notorious, drinking society, founded in 1780. Drinking societies have proliferated since, with the majority of Oxford colleges today playing host to at least one group which terms itself a ‘drinking society’.

Respondents to a survey by C+ revealed 28 drinking societies across fifteen colleges. Much of the information used in this investigation was gathered from a survey with questions on drinking societies, and which attracted over 250 responses.

Many students noted that the breadth of the term “drinking society”, ranging from Exeter’s Topiary Team to university wide clubs like the Stoics. One comment on the survey read, “‘Drinking society’ is a broad term which encompasses the Bullingdon, Teddy Hall rowers, Regent’s Rabbits and weird OUCA ones. It’s not a one size fits all.”

Nevertheless, the term ‘drinking society’ is viewed in a negative light by many people. Several students said that college drinking societies and those affiliated with sports teams or political organisations seem to be viewed in the same way as university wide drinking societies, which are the most famous and the most notorious, despite major differences.

References to the Bullingdon Club often featured in the comments of students as collected by the Cherwell survey. Responses to the question, ‘Do you believe Oxford University’s reputation is affected by reports of drinking societies and the activities thereof?’ included one answer of “negatively”, which was elaborated simply with “The Bullingdon”, while another comment read, “Drinking societies fit right into the image of a Bullingdon Club member and this is not at all the image of Oxford we want to be painting.”

But whilst the Bullingdon might attract the most attention, it is not the only organisation which gives drinking societies a reputation of wealth and privilege. The Piers Gaveston society, notable for former members including Tom Parker Bowles, Ian Hislop and Hugh Grant, holds annual parties at secret locations, to which the members (limited to twelve students) invite hundreds of friends. These parties are supposedly held in large country houses and are rumoured to involve the consumption of champagne, caviar and illegal substances such as recreational drugs. The Piers Gaveston is, however, ostensibly a dining club, not a drinking society. It is called a drinking society by many and as such put into the same category as, for example, Regent’s Rabbits.

It is not surprising, then, that drinking societies, when referred to with that umbrella term, conjure up the image of wealth, privilege and decadence for which Oxford is famous. Many of those who responded to the survey made this point. One read, “Drinking societies are often nothing to do with people who like to drink/get drunk; they’re often just rich groups of friends”, while another said, “Drinking societies are a relic of an Oxford which is no longer. They are a chance for public school boys to maintain their sense of superiority, and for the more capricious of state educated students to have a go at playing with the ‘lads’. Drinking societies are misogynistic, exclusive and quite frankly repulsive.”

Many drinking society members tried to distance themselves from perceived elitist organisations. One member of the Somerville Ladies Ultimate Tequila Society, or SLUTS, said, “We have never been particularly outrageous. It really is all about getting together, seeing your friends, meeting some new people on a crew date and having a bit of fun. I think this is necessary given how stressful and intense Oxford can be at times.”

While the number of women’s drinking societies is growing, many students alleged that there are several misogynistic drinking societies. The Black Cygnets, a society based at St Hugh’s, courted controversy when they invited a group of female freshers to take part in a “fox hunt”, with the women dressed as foxes attempting to “evade mauling”. Last year, Teddy Hall’s society ‘The Syndicate’ was criticised for inviting female freshers to their ‘In Bed With The Syndicate’ event, asking them to dress up as schoolgirls.

Hannah Dickinson, the college’s current JCR welfare rep, attended an ‘In Bed’ event as a fresher in 2012. She commented, “I attended ‘In Bed’ as a fresher (Summer 2012) and I do believe that for the girls who are invited to the event there is a certain degree of pressure to attend, however I feel that much of that is peer pressure borne from within the girls and not necessarily from the members of the Syndicate.

“I personally feel uncomfortable with the event being named ‘In Bed With the Syndicate’ as I feel it promulgates an image which is inherently negative for the girls who attend the event. However, as I have previously stated the girls are not told what to wear, and as I said before, if the fresher girls chose to wear school uniform then they ultimately chose to subscribe to whatever ‘objectification’ comes as a corollary of dressing as a ‘school girl’. At essence I believe it is wrong for the boys to expect the girls to wear a ‘uniform’ of any kind, but obviously it is possible for the girls to subvert that request and choose to wear a uniform which is not typically seen as attractive.”

One person who responded to the survey commented, “I am so completely against the culture of some drinking societies at Oxford. I think the ‘lad culture’ which pervades many male drinking societies and rugby clubs (including my own college’s rugby club) must be stamped out. Oxford students are meant to be young and intelligent, it’s both sad and shocking that young men in our university think it’s OK to regard their female peers in a derogatory manner.”

Some students remain suspicious of drinking societies due to their secrecy. A Freedom of Information Request sent to all colleges and PPHs, suggests many colleges are unaware of drinking societies. Of sixteen responses from colleges and PPHs, all stated that from information available no disciplinary action had been taken against drinking societies or their activities.

Members of drinking societies are reluctant to talk about them. E-mails were sent to over sixty alleged members of drinking societies based in colleges across Oxford, yet only four responses were received. Three stated that they weren’t members of drinking societies, and only one gave information on a drinking society.

In the view of some students, drinking societies undermine the reputation of Oxford University. One student wrote, “The main male and female drinking societies are very narrow, since new members are ultimately decided by the president alone. Both societies consist of a large proportion of the people that everybody secretly dislikes, in college, resulting in a negative feeling towards the societies on a personal level.”

68% of students said that drinking societies had an effect Oxford’s reputation. Conversely, when asked whether drinking societies affect college reputations, only 35% said yes. One comment explained, “A highly misogynistic drinking society at my college is not known about outside of it.”

One student, who thought the university was affected negatively by drinking societies, said, “The image of Oxford as an elitist, isolated place in its own little bubble that is detached from reality is only enhanced by the survival of drinking societies which choose along lines (i.e. gender) which are no longer socially acceptable in the wider world.”

Despite all this, many Oxford students are ambivalent towards drinking societies. Of those who said they were not members of drinking societies, the most common reason was simply, “I don’t want to join one”.

The Arts and Books guide to Hilary

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T.S. Eliot Prize for Poetry – Sinead Morrissey
Announced on 13th Jan 2014

Belfast’s inaugural poet laureate Sinead Morrissey was announced as the winner on Monday. The award has been described by Andrew Motion as “the prize most poets want to win”. Morrissey has been shortlisted for the prize three times before but it was her most recent “politically, historically and personally ambitious” work that won it this year.

Mary Waring — The Wealthy Woman: a Man is Not a Financial Plan: A Woman’s Guide to Achieving Financial Security
Wealth for Women Publishing, January 2014

This one is the curveball on the list; it might be the best thing we’ve ever read post-2008 but
equally it might be hilariously bad, crushingly pro-capitalist and materialistic. If that proves to be the case — know thine enemy. Therefore either way, we’re reading it (this is not to say we ever actually thought a man was a financial plan).

‘Keble Meet the Poets’ Series with Simon Armitage
Pusey Room, Keble, 30th January, 6.30pm

Simon Armitage, renowned poet and translator of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, is coming to Keble. He has received numerous prizes and, for the English students among you, his translation of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is the best out there by far.

Kate Tempest, Brand New Ancients
North Wall Arts Centre, 26th – 27th February, £12

Poet and spoken word artist Kate Tempest is bringing her sell-out show to Oxford. She tells
an everyday epic over a live score (some of which is played by a tuba). Her edgy and exciting verse will make you realise that the gods of today are all around us and that our true he-roes are much closer than we think.

Cezanne and the Modern
Ashmolean, 13th March – 22nd June, free with a Bod card

The Ashmolean’s spring exhibition doesn’t start until the end of term but the anticipation might motivate you through those dark days of February. Alternatively, it will be a good way to entertain your parents when they come to pick you up. The museum has lined up a stellar collection of paintings from greats including Cezanne (obviously), Paul Gauguin, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, Edouard Manet, Edgar Degas and Amedeo Modigliani. The paintings come from the Henry and Rose Pearlman collection and have never before been shown together in Europe.

Review: Notice! at Modern Art Oxford

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The latest offering from Modern Art Oxford is a fabulous exploration of how the museum has marketed itself since it was founded in 1965.

This display is something of a meta-exhibition from Modern Art Oxford, showcasing over 500 posters which chart the development of the gallery’s graphic design and advertising. It is a display that is, rather surprisingly, both beautiful and fascinating. The posters are both aesthetically pleasing and intellectually interesting. The museum offers up a snapshot of the work of the hundreds of artists who have been showcased in the gallery since it opened in 1965. These include Kandinsky, Edvard Munch, Louise Bourgeois and Tracy Emin. It is at once a juxtaposition of the diverse styles of these artists and of the political and social role of the gallery in society over the past 50 years.

One thing which is particularly striking is the way in which the evolution of the different styles of graphic design reflects the personality and socio-political context of each decade. The print technology of the ’60s and ’70s means that the posters of this era offer us little clue as to the style of each artist, and even bright colours have a yellowish tint reminiscent of an Instagram filter. The typography is mostly thick, swirling retro font, which in the 80s becomes bold capitalisation. The ’80s also saw the emergence of a museum logo in an era of corporate branding, while the ’90s was the decade of the YBAs (Young British Artists — art school graduates ‘collected’ by art-world figures such as Charles Saatchi) where we see the artist becoming a brand in their own right.

From 2004, the posters take on a uniformity of style and shape which is especially jarring after the diverse styles of the posters from the ’90s. The last selection of posters are all A3 in size, and feature beautifully printed samples of the work of the artist. The Modern Art Oxford logo printed neatly at the bottom in a tasteful minimalist font. They have adopted the modern aesthetic championed by other modern ‘white cube’ galleries.

The exhibition information terms this the ‘gradual streamlining of institutional identity’ brought about both by the advent of social media, and the need to compete with other museums and galleries in the private and public sectors. We are part of the InDesign generation — where design must compete against itself in the face of government cuts and the privatisation of the art world.

As if to confirm this view of the modern age, the gallery invites me to ‘Tell us which is your favourite poster and why on Twitter or Instagram’. After compiling a shortlist (which included a beautiful 1970s Kandinsky, a poster for an exhibition showcasing the political power of dictators with the satisfying slogan ‘Mediocrity is Death’, and a recent offering pro-claiming the ‘END OF LOVE’), I settle on a Louise Bourgeois poster from the ’90s. It’s interesting to see work from Bourgeois which is not the installation sculptures she is famous for. This particular poster shows a print of a woman with a house for a body. The classic quality of the design, typography and colours means it could almost be from any era except the current one, and as such it seems to mark the end of a freedom and individuality which I worry could become lost in the wake of computer editing and social media.

This is an excellent retrospective display: an insight into both the history of Oxford from a seldom-considered angle, and into the history and development of design and branding. It is a fascinating view of the way in which advancements in art branding are influenced by socio-political context. It forces us to question whether social media has made advertising more efficient but less inventive and creative.

The exhibition Notice! Modern Art Oxford in Print is free and on until 2nd February. A panel discussion about it, hosted by Fraser Muggeridge, takes place on 23rd January at 7pm.

Time to savour the romance of the FA cup

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Football often seems quite tawdry. I don’t know how you feel about the game, but occasionally I switch off Match of the Day and despair.

I get tired of watching the top four eye up the Fulhams and the West Hams as if they were lions sizing up a gazelle. You lose football’s soul in the long grind of the Premier League season – if the league is all about delayed gratification over 38 games, my inner child sometimes takes to screaming for fun now, victory now, champagne now. Something to elicit a true roar of joy from the crowd, rather than simply the satisfied clap and nod of the head which happens at the end of a league win, with 30,000 faces already looking towards the next fixture.

Then, suddenly, it’s January, the third round of the FA Cup happens, and again I am whole. For one weekend a year, anything is possible, and gratification (or otherwise) is immediate. Premier League vs. Conference. David vs. Goliath, with David’s mortgage riding on the outcome. There is purity in the third round. Reputations count for nothing, and careers can be made off the back of one good showing. Any one player, can be as good as the Premier League big boys. Absolutely anyone can dream.

This has been a solid, if not spectacular, year in terms of upsets, and an even better one in terms of justice. The FA Cup has its own brand of karma, which it dishes out to all those who get too big for their boots. Think Malcolm Macdonald and Newcastle United disrespecting Hereford before the embarrassing defeat to Ronnie Radford et al in the replay of 1972. This year’s third round saw Paul Lambert claiming that “managers could do without the Cup if they were being honest”; it seems like just that his Villa side got beaten 2-1 by a struggling Sheffield United, who languish two leagues below them. Manchester United lost to Swansea. West Ham got pummelled by Nottingham Forest. The eternal underdog story makes the FA Cup worth watching every year, and is the ultimate palette cleanser after a year of watching Luis Suarez chew his way through the Premier League.

‘The Cup’ is far more important than just seeing big teams get turned over by smaller ones though. The FA Cup provides the oxygen of publicity which keeps lower league clubs solvent, and gives washed-up players another chance. DJ Campbell, who shone in Yeading’s 2004-5 cup run, made it to the Premier League within weeks. His previous clubs included Billicray, Chesham United and Stevenage Borough, his next was Birmingham City – then in the top division. When York City drew Stoke in 2010, the club managed to break even for the first time in ten years because of the money. Without the FA Cup, many English football clubs would not exist.

Most importantly, the third round is fun whether you are a broadcaster or player, director or fan. Every game could be the game that you remember for the rest of your life. You might just get Manchester United in the draw. You might just score the winner. The third round is the closest thing that football has to the lottery. Everyone gets the chance to dream. How can you fail to love it?

Swimmers make a splash in Spain

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Seven intense days, eleven exhausting pool sessions and two gruelling land training workouts later, Oxford University Swimming Club just about managed to crawl through Malaga airport and onto the flight home –  complete with our costume shaped tan lines, aching bodies and wet towels, all in desperate need of a good cup of tea and decent Wi-Fi. Yet despite returning with a crippling inability to move at a functional pace, the week most certainly fulfilled its mission statement – “be ready to shoe the Tabs”.

Arriving at lunchtime on Sunday 5th January, after a less-than-pleasant 3am start, the team hit the pool for their first session, but only after fuelling up on the native Spanish cuisine – Burger King.

There seems something fundamentally wrong about outdoor swimming in January, but the Piscina Virgen del Carmen III could be considered a thing of beauty – an Olympic sized pool, positioned at the base of a mountain range, and with a spectacular view of the sea. Although quite frankly, just a glimpse of blue sky was a welcomed break from the appalling British weather: rest assured that we took full advantage of the sun, despite the locals repeatedly warning us that it was “frío”.

The week revolved around swimming and meal times, consisting of two pool sessions a day which each lasted two hours, although on both Tuesday and Friday a gruelling land-based session replaced the morning swim. This routine was made up of a post-breakfast session from 9-11am and a pre-dinner session from 4-6pm.

Setting the alarm for a 7:30 wake up call, which was inevitably pushed back to 7:53 by day seven (every minute counts), breakfast predictably took the form of “Europeans try and do English Breakfast”. However, if you know anything about swimmers and their appetites, you will not be surprised to note that there were no complaints. In fact, numerous attempts were made to sneak out food for lunch (at least three pain aux chocolats) – although it seems pockets are not sufficient pastry-carrying devices. Actually, on reflection a list of my general food intake for the week would read something like “carbs, carbs, carbs, protein, carbs… ice cream… sangria.”

Pool sessions were preceded by an half hour core workout, before jumping in (literally) to a mixture of speed sessions, drills, breath control and long distance training. Bravely, the prospective Channel swimmers among us even took to the sea for an hour in preparation for the Varsity Channel Relay in July – I’m told that was most definitely “frío”. Perhaps the most challenging aspect of the training was the land sessions though.

As a fresher, I had been warned by various team members over the last term of the “dreaded steps”, a seemingly innocent set of stairs that takes one down to the beach front. Naively, I thought, “how hard can that really be?”

Unfortunately, “dreaded” was underselling the fear-factor. Imagine walking up 105 (I counted) sloping, steep steps, whilst dodging tourists and doddery OAPs. Now picture running up and down, 6 times, on two occasions. After that we all consciously made the effort to take the lift at every opportunity for the rest of the week.

Interestingly, OUSC were not the only team training in Torremolinos, swimming at the Virgin del Carmen III pool and staying in the Hotel Roc Flamingo that week. Perhaps the Tabs were so threatened by our astounding, record-breaking win at Varsity 2013 that they had to come and see how it’s done. You know what they say – keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

 Don’t worry, we didn’t do too much fraternising with the enemy but we were challenged to the annual Varsity Mini Golf competition. I am happy to report that a member of Team Oxford took the prestigious title – no doubt a reflection of the upcoming result of Varsity 2014.

All in all, the week was tough but extremely rewarding and OUSC are most definitely ready for the challenges of Hilary term. Now excuse me whilst I spend the day under the covers, catching up on episodes of Sherlock I missed before training resumes

David Moyes: the chosen one?

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After twenty years of success, Manchester United fans are finally feeling the pain. In the League, United are floundering. Their FA Cup run was cut short by a secondstring Swansea team, whilst progression in the League Cup looks perilous following a first leg defeat at the hands of the Manchester United B circa 2007 – also known as Sunderland.

To blame David Moyes alone for United’s apparent crisis would be unfair. Indeed, Fergie himself must take some of the blame: he bequeathed a sub-par squad on his successor. Above all, Ferguson failed to address the club’s obvious deficiencies in midfield, exposed time and again by lesser teams. The midfield which lined up against Sunderland – Giggs, Carrick, Cleverley – lacked pace, power, and physicality. Anderson, whilst capable of inspiring performances, lacks consistency, whilst Shinji Kagawa has not yet adapted to the English game.

It would be wrong to leave responsibility solely at Ferguson’s door. Moyes took over at United a full month before the transfer window opened: this should have been ample time to assess the squad’s weaknesses, identify viable targets and, as has been the United tradition, to conclude business early. The club opted for Marouane Fellaini, a panic buy, after other midfield acquisitions failed to materialise. Imperious at Everton, Fellaini has disappointed immensely since arriving at Old Trafford: to call the Fellaini of 2014 glacially slow would be to insult glaciers.

Moreover, analysis focusing solely on squad weakness is plainly insufficient. The current squad have worn league winners’ medals twice in the past three years, coming within minutes of another. Whatever its frailties, this team certainly has the quality to overcome the likes of Sunderland, Cardiff, and West Brom. The problem is not that Ferguson’s old squad has stopped over-performing; Moyes’s team are under-performing.

So David Moyes is far from faultless; and yet United fans stick with their man. Some, immersed in the cut-throat post-Abramovich football world, where failure occasions immediate sacking, scoff at such quaint naivety. These people fail to see the value of a long-term approach. Ferguson recognised this. In choosing Moyes over Mourinho, he rejected a track record of immediate success, in favour of one of impressive longevity. Thus, Ferguson chose Moyes because he saw in his fellow Glaswegian the potential for long-term stability and success.

This experiment has only just begun, but will we ever see it through to the end? Though the initial results are far from encouraging, to jump ship now would be to judge a long-term venture on short-term criteria. United’s loyal fans are able to transcend this modern obsession with immediate results; perhaps it is time the media try doing that too