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Review: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

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★★★★☆

Four Stars

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (starring and directed by comedian Ben Stiller) follows an inconspicuous middle-aged white collar worker in New York City who suffers from intense daydreams, and in a warming journey of self-discovery, finally manages to realise them.

Peter Bradshaw (film critic for The Guardian) didn’t fail to note the directing and acting credits claimed by Ben Stiller, in his opinion constituting a ‘narcissistic’ adaptation. Indeed, we are subject to many an extended shot of Ben Stiller’s face. Having said this, Stiller’s transition from such directly comedic (and arguably momentous) roles in Meet The Parents, Starsky and Hutch and Zoolander, has been surprisingly seamless. Despite considerable doubt, Stiller has produced a thoroughly convincing ‘everyman’ role which does not deserve to be criticised.

Kristen Wiig, who plays Walter’s love interest Cheryl, is cast equally successfully and adds an honest charm to the film which thankfully avoids the ‘sickly sweet’ trap common to the happy-go-lucky rom-com girl.It is partially due to this acting that The Secret Life earns such success in the realm of sentimentality: we accompany socially awkward Walter every step of the way as he matures clumsily from wallflower to winner. We laugh with him, not at him, and are satisfied when his efforts are rightly rewarded in the final scene.

Despite this success, one critic’s proclamation that the film was the new Forrest Gump is uninformed. Yes, Walter Mitty is a story of the underdog – one which doubles as a romantic comedy and warms the cockles. Regrettably however The Secret Life is neither a classic nor an epic. While we experience notable pathos, it is not quite enough to stir any tears, to leave us empty or even reflective upon leaving the cinema. Mitty’s story, despite his wild travels, is relatively insular; Gump’s manages to be relevant to the majority of North America. While similarities are apparent in sentiment and inspirational content, Walter Mitty will struggle to achieve half as much critical acclaim as Zemeckis’ masterpiece.

Apart from this, the film does triumph on the back of Stuart Dryburgh’s stunning photography. Walter’s adventures to Greenland, Iceland, the Himalayas and Afghanistan provide enough high contrast, high resolution scenes for us to be able to watch the entire film on mute. These epic, worldly shots, interspersed with banal scenes set in a concrete New York, do well to emphasise the grey life in which Walter lives, and the seemingly unattainable life of which he first dreams.

What can be aptly criticised however is the extent to which these bursts of colour and light affect the plot, rendering the film rather unrealistic and implausible. Walter, upon having a mental epiphany, leaves work unnoticed in the middle of the day, flies to Greenland immediately with no luggage and, from this day forward, becomes a new man. No strings attached. Just like that.

If we can overlook such trivialities though, the film undoubtedly constitutes a success: it’s a warm fusion of traditional feel-good cinema with an inspirational message to ‘stop dreaming and start living’, panoramic shots of mountains, and Ben Stiller’s face.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is in cinemas now

 

Don’t wish me a Happy New Year

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Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,

The flying cloud, the frosty light:

The year is dying in the night;

Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Here we are again. It’s New Year’s Eve; that one night in the year where boredom and sadness are magically abolished, when ‘fun’ is enforced in parties across the world with a quasi-totalitarian insistence. Anyone who doesn’t have the time of their life on New Year’s Eve – or at least does not pretend to – is a bore, a heretic, an apostate, refusing to partake in the mythology of the New Year. 

Because it is, at the end of the day, a myth. An opportunity to celebrate something abstract, ungraspable by most, while not quite knowing why; a chance to spend time with people you don’t really want to see, but act merry and drink heavily. New Year’s Eve is the ultimate saturnalia, a mindless reverie with little purpose or aim. 

Even the logistics leave much to be desired; most New Year’s Eve parties are a chance to get excessively drunk at three times the price of an average night out, filled with people claiming to be having “a fucking great time” – parties which never fail to disappoint. Unsurprisingly, given that the bar of enjoyment for New Year’s Eve is set so unrealistically high. 

As you can probably tell, I’ve never really enjoyed New Year’s Eve celebrations. All of a sudden, we are showered with end-of-year lists, vainglorious Facebook statuses which sum up people’s achievements over the last year, lists of flatulent predictions for the one to come and, worst of all, conceited New Year’s Resolutions which either won’t materialise or are of little interest to most of us. Do people really expect to change their lives and those of others through some kind of millenarian inspiration caused by the arbitrary machinations of the Gregorian calendar or the position of the earth with relation to the Sun. I personally prefer the Alexandrian calendar, which started the year on the 29th of August. With Christmas so close, surely we could spread out our celebrations a little?

Soon, the text messages from people you have hardly ever spoken to, the Snapchats, the Facebook statuses and broadcast Whatsapps will begin to pour forth with a brimming enthusiasm which is quite frankly astounding. New Year’s Eve encourages a vain sense of hope and joy, an unrealistic expectation which can only disappoint. It’s an excuse to be happy about something which is of little more consequence than the passing of another day. What, essentially, are we really celebrating, but the passage of time? It is a fallacy based on unrealistic hopes; it doesn’t matter how shit our lives might really be, for this one day every year we can pretend otherwise.  

Don’t get me wrong – any other time of the year I am the first to enjoy a bit of fun. In fact, if people applied the same hope, enjoyment and positivity of New Year’s Eve the whole year round, the world might be a much better place. What I have issue with is the superficiality of New Year’s Eve. It doesn’t really matter whether you’re having fun or not as long as everyone knows you are. Surely it is too much to ask that everyone’s good mood should miraculously coincide on a single day every year.

In my hometown, Madrid, an increasing amount of people congregate in the traditional Puerta del Sol to welcome the New Year a day early – on the night of the 30th rather than the 31st. I cannot stress enough what a great idea this is; a chance to get whole palaver out of the way, becoming just as drunk as on ‘proper’ New Year’s Eve for half the price and with fewer people, and spending the whole of the day itself in bed with a hangover. 

Call me a bore, a wet blanket, a drag, a killjoy, a drip – but this year I will be trying my best to let everyone how much I’m not enjoying New Year’s Eve. In fact, I needen’t even worry about the whole thing since I got the celebrations out of the way about eight hours ago when Sydney’s fireworks started to go off, and I was just finishing my breakfast. 

Artistic expression needs to be defended

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Art, it seems, is becoming more and more ubiquitous in today’s world. Whether it be graffiti on a wall, music on the radio or that new movie that everyone is talking about, art surrounds and pervades the world we live in. Meanwhile, the boundaries of ‘artistic expression’ are pushed further and further every day. The advent of media means that it now exists in more forms than it ever has before, ranging from the usual suspects such as theatre and cinema to newer areas such as blogs, street art and even creative and hard hitting forms of advertising. You don’t even have to be present at an event to know what is going on; sooner or later you can just read about it on the internet. We live in an age where it is virtually impossible, a challenge even, to be completely unaware of anything that is deemed to be important enough to be broadcast around the world. In the case of any form of art, it is usually supplemented by a variety of opinions, responses and criticisms.

This expansion in the different forms of art raises questions about the need for some amount of restriction on what can and cannot be said or done in the name of art and its purposes. In the past decade, notorious incidences such as the controversy surrounding the Danish cartoons and the removal of the photograph of a young and precariously clad Brook Shields from the Tate gallery spring to mind, when the phrase ‘artistic expression’ is mentioned.  Episodes such as these seem to suggest that the boundaries of what constitutes freedom within art have been tightened.  Self-imposed restrictions, when it comes to more offensive forms of art, have been advocated as being a form of good judgement rather than self-censorship, however admittedly thin the line tends to be.

The real question that still remains is to what extent should ‘artistic expression’ be allowed a free pass? We all have different ideas as to what exactly the purpose of art is; whether it serves as an expression of time, a way of making information and ideas more accessible or just to be beautiful. Regardless of what they are, how much should art be allowed to push the boundaries of what is socially acceptable? I believe that the publication of art, all art, is worth defending. Freedom of expression survives only as long as we allow it to. The second we start deciding when art is acceptable before it is actually displayed or heard is when art loses its value as a stimulus for public discussion.

Under the guise of protecting the vulnerable and defending others from what they are convinced will offend them; censorship robs people of the opportunity to form any opinion at all. Only when faced with a form of art, be it the radical art of the Australian artist Mike Brown to the controversially offensive comedy of George Carlin, can people truly make judgements for themselves and be challenged by the new and extraordinary.

More concerning is the initiation of self-censorship, whereby institutions place heavy restrictions on what they will show, reflected by the BBC’s publication strict guidelines on taste in 2009 and the Tate’s decision to remove the art piece ‘God is great’ from an exhibition of John Latham’s work over concerns that it would offend others. This further removes any hope that the public may have of ever being faced with anything that has not already been deemed ‘acceptable’ by institutions. Institutions who are too scared to cause any controversy, in an age, when the arts seem to have come under a new wave of scrutiny.

What art can offer us is a unique perspective on matters, in a way that would not normally happen in any other form. The company Lush famously had a human window display of the experiments that are conducted on animals in testing facilities. The exhibition shocked and offended many that felt assaulted by the performance art and declared that it was offensive to victims of abuse. Whatever one’s opinion on the campaign was, it undeniably created awareness of the relevant subject in a way that no amount of poster embossed with the faces of celebrities ever will.  Should art like this be censored for fear that it will offend some? Or shouldn’t it rather be embraced for the possibilities it creates and the irrefutable effect it can have on the apathetic.

One of the main purposes of art is to make a statement, from George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four that made us reconsider the power of authoritative figures in society to the famous Pussy Riot performance that protested the leader of the Orthodox Church’s support for Putin.  By allowing the confinement of artistic expression we bring ourselves one step closer to a society in which the confinement of expression spreads itself beyond art and into the opinions and ideas that we as individuals may communicate. It is not an overstatement to say that freedom in art is a crucial part of a free society, in which we have the autonomy to think for ourselves and express our thoughts.

In the afterword to the 1971 publication of Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury wrote that ‘there is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches.’ We need to trust people to examine art for the sake of art, as a means of debate and a way of spreading ideas. To advocate censorship is to condemn another’s viewpoint and sentence it to a premature death without a trial. All art is ultimately simply a reflection of what some of us think, what some of us truly believe and what some of us haven’t even considered. Only by stepping outside of our comfort zones can we confront the good, the bad and the startling. 

Happy New Fashion Year!

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And so 2013 draws to a close. Cliché as it sounds, where DID the year go? I mean, it only seems like yesterday (not a year ago!) we were hitting the January sales, desperately yanking on a new pair of jeans whilst feeling the guilt of one too many mince pies…And oh look! Here we are again. But don’t worry – if the thought of hitting the shops makes you feel worse than a New Year’s hangover, you’re in luck. Below are the fashion trends and icons set to be BIG in 2014. And in honour of that change from ‘3’ to ‘4’, I’ve listed my top four predictions for each!

Happy New Year!

FOUR TRENDS…

  • Pastel colours. Last year it was dusty pink, this year it’s sugar overload with baby blues and pale yellows added to the collection.
  • Bold prints. From tribal to camouflage, anything goes. Clash it, mix-it up. Does this match? – Honey, that question was so last year.
  • Fringes. Don’t worry, just a trip to the shops rather than a full hair-cut! Embrace your inner bohemian with anything from fringed leather to fringed lace (yes, it is a thing!)
  • Metallic. Worried about looking like December’s Christmas turkey? Opt for metallic accessories instead. Bronze heels? Yes please.

…FOUR ICONS…

  • Chloe Norgaard. If 2013 was Cara Delevingne’s year, 2014 is Chloe’s. The model’s kooky outfits and punk hair are bound to inspire.
  • Alexa Chung. Following the release of her debut book, It, 2014 will see Alexa and her indie style back in the spotlight.
  • Pernilla Ohrstedt. Architect turned fashionista (who would have thought!), Ohrstedt’s uber-cool style is sure to keep us guessing.
  • Theo James. Dubbed the next Robert Pattinson, we’ll be seeing a lot of this actor’s sleek style in the New Year. Boys, take cue!

 

…And here at Cherwell Fashion, we’ve got one simple resolution: TO MAKE 2014 THE BEST YEAR IN FASHION YET!

Peter Pan goes wrong

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Following their recent West End smash hit, The Play that Goes Wrong, Mischief Theatre have returned with a new offering: Peter Pan goes Wrong. The play-within-a-play tells the story of a disastrous production of Peter Pan, staged by the hapless Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society.  The performance is a hilarious catastrophe from start to finish, superbly and energetically acted by the ten-strong-cast.

The (real) actors play a motley crew of melodramatic and accident-prone amateur thesps, who each portray multiple roles as the cast of Peter Pan.  Keen to distance themselves from calamitous earlier productions, the Drama Society assure the audience that this time the play will be carried off without a hitch.  However, within the first few minutes, an actor has to be sawn out of a door, the beds of the three Darling children collapse onto one another, and the sound effects are severely malfunctioning.

The show continues in this vein until the hysterical climax of act two in which technicians are unable to stop the stage from rotating, giving us a glimpse of the scandalous backstage life of the ‘cast’.  All of this plays out to the soundtrack of a pirate shanty sung by actors who helplessly revolve in and out of view. 

Beneath the farcical surface of this piece lies excellent direction and careful choreography. The writing is funny and original, and is complemented by the use of clever staging and set design. The humour at times feels a little samey, and two hours of slapstick and schadenfreude is probably as much as anyone can take. But don’t let that put you off- this is slapstick at its best. Cringes quickly gave way to giggles, and by the end of the first scene the audience was crying with laughter. This could well be the funniest piece of theatre around at the moment, delivered by a young and exciting group.

If you are suffering from post-Christmas overindulgence and an impending January-blues, grab a ticket to one of Mischief’s current productions. Peter Pan Goes Wrong is at the Pleasance Theatre in London until 5th January, and The Play That Goes Wrong comes to the Oxford Playhouse from the 27th January-1st February.  You might just change your mind about slapstick. I know I did. 

The Christmas Story in Arts and Books

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The York Mystery Plays

The York Mystery Plays include a medieval nativity – a pre-cursor to the chaotic productions most people will remember from Primary School. They are a cycle of Middle-English pageants which detail Biblical events. They lasted so long that the time of day was in co-ordination with their position in the Bible – starting with Genesis and the creation story at sunrise, and ending with the Last Judgement at sunset. They were performed in York until 1569, but the Chester Mystery Plays still take place every five years with the most recent production in 2013.

The Annunciation – Fra Angelico

In San Marco Cathedral, Florence, as you go up the stairs into the dormitories of the monks, there is a sharp turn and immediately in front of you is this majestic fresco of Gabriel and the Virgin Mary; one of the best depictions of the first part of the Christmas story. The topic was incredibly fashionable in the Renaissance, though most position Mary leaning away from the Angel, in fear and apprehension. These paintings were filled with symbolic objects such as Mary’s weaving and lilies. The soft muted palate and the curiosity in Mary’s expression set it apart from many other annunciation scenes. This painting is far simpler; there is no external ornamentation in the room. Mary instead leans towards Gabriel, willingly accepting of her God’s wishes. Its calmness reflects the quietness and the ascetic nature of monastery itself where monks still live today.

On the Morning of Christ’s Nativity – John Milton

Milton wrote this poem on Christmas Day 1629. In it, he celebrates the way in which Christmas is celebrated in the same way every year and the joy and light bought to earth by the Baby Jesus and his “far-beaming blaze of majesty” Mostly Milton is known for his strict, puritanical leanings but this poem sets him beautifully apart from the Parliamentarians who wished to ban Christmas. 

The Adoration of the Magi – Morris & Co.

The Adoration of the Magi is the name traditionally given to the Nativity of Jesus in art, in which the three Magi, represented as three Kings, present Jesus with their gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. There have been numerous artistic representations of the scene dating back to the 4th Century. In 1886 the rector of Exeter College, Oxford, commissioned William Morris to make a tapestry to hang in their chapel. Edward Burne-Jones, one of the most prolific painters of the pre-Raphaelite brotherhood, delivered a preliminary sketch of the tapestry. The tapestry was woven ten times, and one of them can still be found in the chapel of Exeter College.

Bebe (The Nativity) – Paul Gauguin

Paul Gauguin was a post-impressionist, recognised for his bold and experimental use of colour. He was born in France, but his parents were from Peru. The culture and imagery of the country, and of the other countries he visited, would later influence his art. A trip to Tahiti to escape “everything that is artificial and conventional” was particularly important to the development of his style. This can be seen in his realisation of the nativity scene, in which the focus falls not on the baby Jesus, but on a Tahitian newborn in the forefront of the picture. The message, perhaps, is a comment on popular religion. Babies are being born all the time, each one equally special.

Santa – Coca Cola

Santa has been seen in Coke adverts since the 1920s. The brand has helped shape our impression of Santa as a jovial, plump and generous old man. Before he was often thin and scrooge like. Coke used the iconography of St Nicholas who was often portrayed in long red robes to inform their images.

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues & Kirsty McColl

Often cited the ‘best Christmas song of all time’ this is a poetic and tragic Christmas story. It begins in the drunk tank, where an old man’s song prompts the singer to reminisce about a more hopeful Christmas past which seems to be an American Dream story of two lovers, possibly Irish immigrants fleeing the potato famine: ‘I can see a better time / When all our dreams come true’. The lyrics detail the progression from hope to misery as the lovers are consumed by alcohol and heroin. It is possibly based on the novel of the same name by J. P. Donleavy, about the emptiness that belies the hollow dream of a new life in New York City. The ultimate message, and the one which makes it Christmassy, is of sharing life with someone else: ‘Can’t make it all alone / I’ve built my dreams around you.’

The Invisible Christmas Tree – Tracy Emin

Tradition dictates that you take down your Christmas trees on twelfth night, the 5th of January. But in 2002 the Tate had no need to do so. Every year they commission an artist to design a Christmas tree for Tate Britain. Tracy Emin decided to send her Christmas tree to Lighthouse West London, an HIV and Aids charity. In the main entrance hall, free of pine needles and baubles, visitors were instead left with a notice which encouraged them to send donations to the charity. This made the point that accumulation of material possessions should not motivate Christmas giving. Sometimes modern art is conceptual and irritating, this was the opposite: conceptual and worthwhile. 

Oxford’s 2013: the year in videos

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Through 2013, Oxford’s photographers have caught all the highs and lows on camera. We take you through the year’s biggest stories in video form…

January: Anger over Assange talk at the Union

2013 was a controversial year for the Union. But despite all the backstabbing and (email) hacking, the most provocative move came in January. The society invited Julian Assange, leader of Wikileaks, to talk, despite him being wanted on suspicion of rape in Sweden.

Cherwell captured the anger of feminists across Oxford as they picketed the talk.

February: Galloway accused of ‘anti-semitism’ after Oxford debate

Bradford MP George Galloway “stormed out” of a debate at Christ Church on Wednesday evening, upon finding out that his opponent, Eylon Aslan-Levy, a third-year PPEist at Brasenose, was an Israeli citizen.

Galloway was accused by his opponent of “pure racism” for refusing to debate. He denied this, saying, “I refused this evening to debate with an Israeli, a supporter of the Apartheid state of Israel. The reason is simple; No recognition, No normalisation. Just Boycott, divestment and sanctions, until the Apartheid state is defeated.”

March: The Boat Race

The 2013 Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race wasn’t as dramatic as last year’s – no morons jumped in front of Oxford’s boat. Without Trenton in the way, Oxford stormed to victory.

Cherwell reported from the Thames.

April: Animal rights activists enraged

The year has been tough for Oxford’s animal kingdom. First we found out that horsemeat was being stocked in Oxford supermarkets, long after the dodgy burgers had been pulled from all other UK stores. Then animal rights activists expressed anger over Somerville’s plans to keep a life shark at their ball.

Through it all, the perpetual controversy over Oxford’s use of animal experimentation trundled on.

In April, Cherwell watched as animal rights protestors took to the streets.

May: Activists crash Shell dinner at Teddy Hall

In May, students protested the creation of a new partnership between oil-giant Shell and Oxford University. Environmentalists said the Uni shouldn’t take money from such a controversial company.

In the day, they shouted at Vice-Chancellor Andrew Hamilton.

And at night, a hard-core broke into the launch dinner at Teddy Hall.

Cherwell obtained a video of the crashing.

June: Bedroom tax protests

Summer brought even more protests, this time against the Coalition. Participating in a national demonstration against the ‘Bedroom Tax’, an odd combination of students and ageing lefties outlined their opposition.

Frank Macpherson reported from the scene.

The Long Vac: Shark Tales lands lawyer in hot water

Over the summer, Oxford trundles to a halt. Unfortunately for one Oxonian intern, law firms don’t. Shark Tales, Oxford’s flagship broadcast of drunk-people outside Park End, caught an intern with Clifford Chance saying, ““I’m a City Lad and I fucking love the ladness… The ladness is basically just fucking people over for money.’

His bosses at the law firm were not amused. In September, the company issued a statement saying, “The comments made are inappropriate and they are at odds with our principles and the professional standards we espouse as a firm. One of our trainee lawyers is the subject of our formal disciplinary procedures which may result in termination of the training contract with the firm.”

Watch the incident at 4:15 and 6:43 in the video above.

October: Students occupy Exam Schools

With a new academic year came more fury on the streets of Oxford. When the  Universities and Colleges Union announced a strike over recent wage decreases, students showed solidarity with their tutors by staging an impromptu sit-in at the Exam Schools.

The (almost) revolution was televised in a Cherwell report.

November: L J Trup storms to victory

November saw the biggest election upset in OUSU’s history, when “joke candidate” L J Trup stormed to victory. His success owed everything to his videos.

In one, he re-enacted Braveheart scenes outside the RadCam.

On result night, Cherwell caught the euphoria in Brasenose bar as Trup made his winner’s speech.

December: the Ashmolean becomes Night at the Museum

The University’s annual festive video brought the Ashmoleon alive using low budget animation.

Watch out for more Cherwell videos in 2014 – if you’re interested in contributing to our Broadcasting team, email [email protected]

Happy New Year from all your chums at Cherwell!

Review: Great British Bake Off Christmas Special

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The Great British Bake Off Christmas Special wasn’t quite what it said on the (cake) tin. Without the contestants, the time-pressures and Sue and Mel’s many innuendos, Bake Off becomes just another average cooking program – less ‘Bake Off’; more just ‘Bake’. Though Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood’s festive masterclass made me want to get into the kitchen, the program lacked the charm and excitement of the normal show.

Nevertheless, the programme certainly taught Britain how to bake its way around Christmas. The six recipes presented by Mary and Paul were easy to follow and suitable for all ages and cooking abilities. I liked how keen they were to emphasise the ‘all hands on deck’ attitude and even get the little ones involved, although I’m sure the last thing many cooks want in their kitchen on Christmas Eve is the chaos of a kids baking lesson; we’re not all as cool, calm and collected as Mary Berry.

I’d love to try out the wonderful-looking gingerbread house, which seemed surprisingly easy to make and would surely impress even the most critical Christmas guest. As the program was only aired on the 23rd December, however, Mary and Paul hardly gave us much time to construct our edible house (or cathedral) before the Big Day came around. Nevertheless, Paul’s ‘Leftovers Pie’ is definitely a good way to use up any remaining turkey and stuffing, even though most of us may not be as keen as Paul to continue gorging after the inevitable Christmas Day food-coma…

In true Bake Off style, the show was full of informative historical facts, telling us the stories behind streusel, stollen, and the Scottish ‘Black Bun’. Although the latter may not be everyone’s cup of tea, it was interesting to learn about its importance at Hogmannay, where the first visitor to a house after New Year is supposed to bring one of these Christmas cakes baked in pastry.

The show was endearing, informative and full of Christmas spirit. Next year, though, it should perhaps be titled ‘Mary and Paul’s Christmas Baking Masterclass’. It may not rake in quite as many viewers, but it would avoid disappointmenting those looking to Bake Off‘s punning, puddings and kitchen tension to liven up the festive season. 

University wins case against ‘Oxford Law School’

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A business in Hampshire calling itself ‘Oxford Law School’, has been ordered to change its name and hand over its website domain to Oxford University following a ruling at the Intellectual Property Enterprise Court earlier this month.

Judge Janet Lambert found that the Eastleigh-based law school had attempted to “pass off” its courses as connected to the University of Oxford, and said that “there only has to be one bad or mediocre teacher, or one bad or mediocre course to impact on the university’s reputation”.

The ‘Oxford Law School’, which ceased trading in February 2013, had also changed its website design in 2012, after Oxford University complained of the use of similar fonts and colours. Furthermore, it placed a disclaimer on its site, explaining that the school was not connected to the University of Oxford.

The Judge said the website had “sought to recreate a look and get-up [of Oxford]… likely to deceive potential law students”, although she accepted that the school “served a slightly different market”.

Cherwell was unable to contact Mohammed Riaz, who is thought to have run the school from his home in Eastleigh, but speaking to the BBC News he claimed only “morons in a hurry” would mistake the school for Oxford University.

However, the Judge agreed with the university’s assertion that the “substantial majority of people” would be confused by the naming. She added, “I also do not accept that such people would fall into the category of being ‘morons in a hurry’”.

The university has reported a number of incidences in which students of the law school contacted Oxford University’s law faculty.

Georgia Harper, a second-year law student at Hertford College, told Cherwell, “It’s a difficult one. ‘Oxford’ is a place name at the end of the day, so it would probably be unreasonable for the university to block all other usage of the word. On the other hand, this school used not only the word ‘Oxford’ but similar fonts, colours and images to those used by the university, as if it were trying to unfairly piggyback on the university’s reputation, especially as the school is some distance from Oxford itself”.

 A spokesperson for the University of Oxford told Cherwell, “The University is very pleased with the judgement of the Intellectual Property Enterprise Court”.

Is the Swann-song justifiable?

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“You never give up on your country; you let your country give up on you.”

Admittedly, this line is stolen from the famous ‘Smithy’ (James Corden) Sports Personality rant of 2009, but it does have a purpose in the context of the article. Is it ever justified to retire from international cricket halfway through an Ashes series, in the middle of a tour which seems to be headed towards a total whitewash?

Graeme Swann has made a number of remarks about England players being “up their own arses”. Swann has since clarified that these claims were not directed at current players. But in the aftermath of the comments Alistair Cook, England captain, has explained that Swann “has nothing left to give in this England shirt, which must be incredibly sad for someone who loves cricket as much as he does.” Far from shedding light on the situation, this cliché simply confuses matters.

Swann could have retired for a number of reasons. He has a history of elbow problems. He is famously outspoken and therefore could have fallen out with his teammates. However, he insists that he has not fallen out with his teammates partially by insisting the comments have nothing to do with Kevin Peterson, the most obvious candidate to be up his own arse.

So why is he retiring? Having “nothing left to give” does not really make sense as the answer. I could contribute to an England team – my contribution would just be awful. Swann could turn up, and bowl badly, and would still be giving something. As far as we are aware he is not injured. Whether he wants to do this or not is a different proposition. His performance throughout this Ashes series has been poor: 7 wickets for an average of 80 runs. It would be understandable if he wanted to call time before things got worse. We can all understand that on a personal level.

But there is a greater issue at stake here. England do not really have anyone to step into the breach, as the fourth test has shown. Monty Panesar’s second innings performance was unedifying to say the least, and there is no one else of Swann’s calibre to replace him.

Whilst, like everyone else in sport, Swann has the right to retire when he likes, there is a question of the greater good of the team. With no one else to replace him, Swann really should have stuck around, not because he was performing well, but in his capacity as a senior player it was his job to go out, even as things collapse around you, and resolve to play on, because that is what the team required of him. There is no getting around the fact that leadership qualities come out when the going is tough. On an abysmal tour, the capacity to keep going, and demonstrate to others that you will still keep fighting in a lost cause is what is required from a senior player.

Swann has the liberty to retire when he likes, and rightly so. However, he should have waited at least until the end of the tour because England have no one to replace him. Seniority comes at a cost, and throwing the towel in when you are performing badly is not something that can easily be excused. It is a poor end to a fine and enjoyable career.