Ishouldn’t be doing this. Among the sports writers here at Cherwell, I am perhaps the least qualified to report on England’s penul-

timate World Cup tune-up, played against old foe Germany on Tuesday night.

You see, I’m an American. The last professional soccer (see?) match I attended was in 2008. I last consistently. played the game at anything resembling a competitive level in 2010. My one-game stint as a substitute for the Exeter seconds was so horrendous that the squad, a very good bunch of footballers, imploded as soon as I stepped onto the pitch.

I did, however, have something unique, to which 85,933 others (OK, so maybe not that unique) could lay claim: a ticket to the match. So off I went to Wembley, with ticket in hand and assignment in mind.

To say I felt out of place as I ascended the ramp to the entrance area would be an understatement, as spontaneous rounds of “England Till I Die,” erupted all about me. That sense was renewed inside the stadium, when, for the first time, I didn’t know the words to either side’s national anthem, a tribute to my own shocking ignorance of the country in which I currently reside.

Once the match started, though, I had little trouble picking up the lyrics to the next song to ring through pockets of the stadium: the controversial “Ten German Bombers.” Sung to the infectious tune of “She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain,” the song, whose lyrics gleefully invoke the air battles of World War II, caught me more than a little off-guard. But the spirit of exuberant support that the ditty underscored, however bluntly inappropriate the words contained within it, left me grinning.

Besides, the Germans had their revenge on the pitch. After nearly 40 minutes of largely uninspired football that saw no shots on goal for either side, Germany earned a pair of Mario Götze corners within the space of a minute. Combined, these two set pieces produced a trio of tenacious on-frame headers from Per Mertesacker, Heiko Westermann and Mertesacker again. And while Joe Hart did brilliantly to keep the first one out, Mertesacker’s second attempt proved too much, giving the visitors the critical first goal.

All at once, I learned just how silent 85,000 people could really be. Like a deflated balloon, the crowd suddenly seemed tired; the songs dissipated into halftime.

And that, for the most part, was that. Save for some thrilling back-and-forth play in the opening five minutes of the second half, neither of the two sides played as if it was particularly perturbed by the 1-nil score line. Discouraged, many fans streamed for the exits long before the final whistle blew. There were no choruses of “England Till I Die,” as we and thousands of others waited patiently for the tube.

Yet despite the disappointment, my first match in half a decade left me hungry for more. There’s something about international football and Wembley that just feels right, no matter the combatants or the final outcome?

England Till I Die? I’ll not go that far, with the Yanks poised for a strong run in Brazil in half a year’s time. But England Till Denmark Arrive? I can go for that. I’ll be singing right along.

College rugby is structured around mid season promotion and relegation, with the year split into two seasons. Season 1 finished at the end of 5th week, so we can look back and review this season’s action.

Division 1

Despite a hard fought draw on the opening day of the season against Keble, Teddy Hall went unbeaten, finishing top of the pile on points difference by just 4 points. This is the first league win for Teddy Hall since 2011, with the team traditionally favouring a Cup run over the league format. Oriel and Worcester were both relegated after only managing 1 and 0 wins respectively.

Division 2

Another very tight one at the top – Catz pipped Lincoln to the Div 2 title on points difference. However, Lincoln can take comfort in being promoted alongside Catz into the top flight. Unfortunately for rugby at the university, Division 2’s biggest talking point is the Pembroke scandal which sees them automatically relegated to Division 3, alongside LMH.

Division 3

Division 3 saw a thoroughly upsetting season for Magdalen College RFC, defeated by 120 points to 5 by Somerville on the opening day of the season, they never recovered and are duly relegated having conceded an average of over 70 points a game. Despite Somerville’s start, they couldn’t kick on. Anne’s/John’s and Jesus took the promotion spots, with Anne’s/John’s beating Somerville in a crucial round 4 match. Anne’s/John’s Captain Phil Lucas in fact managed to personally score as many tries as his team conceded across the season.

Division 4

Queens had yet another undefeated division season, their third in a row. Should this coming season see a continuation of the trend, following the example set by last year’s captain, Christian Walters, current Queen’s captain Hamish Tester will have a fairly large college crest tattooed on his posterior. Promoted alongside Queen’s were Trinity whose rugby stock seems to be ever improving in recent years. Just a single relegation from Div 4 saw the Hilarians (Teddy Hall IIs) return to the comfort of Div 5, having made an uncharacteristic foray into the higher league for one term.

Division 5

With St Hugh’s dropping out of the league, in a bid to raise player numbers to return to action for Cuppers, Div 5 was a little difficult this season. We also see Wadham’s first promotion in seven years. Hertford, fresh from their summer tour to Mongolia, sit happy in mid table and will look to push on this coming season.

With the season starting in 1st week, the swimmers of OUSC underwent an intensive training programme in preparation for the BUCS teams southern regional qualifying round,  taking to the impressive Lief Rosenblatt Pool – an eight-lane 25m pool with a moveable floor – at Iffley Road Sports Complex.

University College undergraduate and OUSC Men’s Captain Kouji Urata was keen to show that training extends beyond the pool.

“There are eight training sessions available in total every week, and some of us even go to the gym twice a week as well”. The energy- sapping training regime seems to have paid dividends as OUSC came third in the southern regional qualifying round, which means that they progress to the BUCS Teams Final.

The team’s achievement was made all the more impressive by the fact that they were missing a number of first-team swimmers, which meant that they couldn’t afford to rest anyone for the meet, while they also beat arch-rivals Cambridge – who finished a place below Oxford in the standings – on their way to qualification.

The swimmers who did compete included James Jurkiewicz, who qualified for Guernse for the 2014 Commonwealth Games, Tommy Lees, winner of the Sportsman of the Year award at the Sports Federation Ball, and Sophia Saller, the Triathlon Club captain who was also rewarded for her performances at the Ball with a place in the Team of the Year.

As well as the Teams Final, OUSC also have the Varsity match against Cambridge to look forward to in February of next year, and will be hoping that the likes of Jurkiewicz, Lees and Saller are on hand to make sure that Oxford’s 2013/2014 season is a successful one. A BUCS short course meet is also scheduled to take place in Sheffield at the end of 8th week.

Closer to home, Saturday of 3rd week saw the annual Swimming Cuppers competition taking place at Iffley Road. With an excellent turn-out by the participating colleges and fervent student support at poolside, Magdalen emerged as the victors in one of the most tightly-contested Swimming Cuppers events in recent years, edging past New College’s 103 points to win by a score of 109.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The calm before the storm. From the sublime to the ridiculous.

Apt clichés for Saturday’s doubleheader between Oxford and Imperial College London abound. With great performances from pitcher Taylor Jasewski and shortstop Natalie Dixon, Oxford cruised to an easy 12-0 victory in the opener before losing the second match 10-9.

Oxford got off to a fast start in the first inning of the opener and never looked back. After Dixon and Jaszewski patiently worked back-to-back one-out walks, Alex Butcher-Nesbitt delivered the first run of the game with a booming double to right field, scoring Dixon and advancing Jaszewski to third.

A few baserunning faux pas had little impact on the outcome, as three runs turned out to be two more than a dominant Jaszewski would need. Utilizing a live fastball that consistently grazed the outside corner and a wicked curveball that produced multiple swinging strikeouts, Jaszewski powered through Imperial lineup with ease. As the game progressed, Jaszewski stayed cool and picked up his second strikeout of the inning to end the threat.

From there, Jaszewski was perfect through the remaining four innings, leaving him proudowner of one of the rarest of pitching achievements: a no-hitter.

Asked whether he considered the feat he was nearing, Jaszewski said, “Honestly I didn’t think about it until heading to the mound in the 5th.

“The last thing you want to do as a pitcher is get in your own head, the best pitchers get into a rhythm without thinking about it.”

Perhaps no fielder had his back better than the one right in front of him. Playing his first game behind the plate since high school, Butcher-Nesbitt helped keep the Imperial hitters off-balance with his pitch-calling and produced the game’s highlight with a spectacular sliding catch of a foul pop to end the third inning.

Although it was hardly necessary, the offense kept rolling, racking up four more runs in the third, three in the fourth and two in the fifth. Leading the way at the plate was Dixon, who singled twice, walked twice and scored four runs in her final game for the squad. The performance represented a remarkable turnabout for Dixon, who is a softball player by trade and had difficulties tracking an overhand delivery during the season opener against Southampton.