Sunday 8th June 2025
Blog Page 1478

Feasting in Florence

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Home of Machiavelli, Bruneschelli, Guiccardini, the Medici, and Zeffirelli’s ‘Tea with Mussolini’, Florence can beat any city in Europe hands down for its history and culture. But for the gourmet, Florence (and the Tuscan countryside that surrounds it) also offers a great deal in terms of food and drink.

If you’re posh enough to have a mummy and daddy who own a holiday villa in Italy, chances are it will be in ‘Chiantishire’. This area of countryside, is named for its famed wine. Chianti is traditionally bottled in squat bottles with a straw basket- a fiasco (flask), and incorporates a blend of Sangiovese, Canaiolo and Malvasia Bianca grapes. With most of my meals during my stay I enjoyed a glass red Chianti Ruffino. You can really get a sense of why this wine is so popular- it’s very well balanced, neither too dry or too sweet and you get a fruity offering ( with hints of strawberry), that can still go well with a savoury dish.

Another basic element in the cuisine of the areas is Tuscan bread. For Tuscans, and indeed all Italians, meals served without bread are considered criminal, so naturally slices of bread, slathered in olive oil and vinegar, were another feature that appeared at every meal. In Tuscany the bread is unusually not salted, which makes it an ideal accompaniment with slices of ham, or pecorino cheese ( a nutty cheese, produced from ewe’s milk, and manufactured in the nearby province of Grosseto).

For breakfast, there is not much to be said. Breakfast in Tuscany, is traditionally short, rushed and to the point, as elsewhere in southern europe. No full english, or German zweites fruhstuck here. I noticed a restaurant offered a ‘lawyer breakfast’- toast, juice, coffee… and a cigarette. The coffee that accompanies it however, on a de rigeur basis, is absolutely fantastic. Flavoursome, thick, and slightly creamy, the cheapest Italian espresso (cheaper if you drink it at the bar, not at the table) is still better than any of the over-priced offerings you might find in the UK.

For Lunch in Florence, head to ‘Gustapanino’ in the tranquil settings of Piazza Santo Spirito. Here you can buy a sandwich in a very laid-back, somewhat rustic establishment (complete with a boar’s head on the wall), but the appearances are deceptive. I opted for a foccacia pannini with turkey and truffle sauce- and it blew my tastebuds away. 

The flavour here comes from the truffle sauce. Truffles, in case you didn’t know, are an ugly-looking fungi which grow underground, yet once harvested are a much- sought after (and very expensive) culinary ingredient, known as “the diamonds of cooking”. Just outside  Florence, you’ll find the unassuming village of San Miniato, which in October and November is transformed into a bustling site of a truffle festival, as specially trained pigs burrow underground to search for this centrepiece of Haute cuisine.

If that doesn’t excite you, perhaps you may wish to opt for a tripo pannini- or a tripe sandwich, much the thing in Florence. In essence it is a cow’s stomach in a sandwich. Naturally I turned this one down. Regrettably I also turned down a bistecca fiorentina– steaks from chiana cattle raised in the fertile Tuscan countryside. Servings are absolutely vast, and are served on huge wooden boards, as opposed to normal plates. Contrary to British tastes, the steaks are cooked very rare and are practically blue in colour.

Not stopping for gelato in Florence is unheard of. Ice cream here is far less creamy than its British counterpart, but you can enjoy far fuller flavours. You can really taste the hazelnut and pistachio in the ice cream. Strawberry actually tastes of the fruit, and not just the processed flavouring we’re used to. Chocolate is ludicrously rich, thick and sweet. You may need to lie down in a darkened room after eating it… Carabe, just next to the ‘David’ exhibition offers good quality ice cream and Sicilian-style sorbet in an unpretenious and low- key location.

No visit to Florence would be complete without visiting the Uffizi gallery- and after your visit you can come to the roof-top cafe here for some delicious freshly-squeezed orange juice.

Before you head for dinner, go for roof-top cocktails in the Hotel Continentale (a hotel so posh, it has an ipad built into its lift…). You can enjoy views of the covered ponte vecchio bridge as the sun sets over the Arno river. Here I slurped a Cosmopolitan, accompanied by complementary olives, pecorino cheese and bread- surprisingly for under €20.

Head to Piazza Repubblica for an evening meal, where glamourous restaurant hosts and hostesses will compete for your attention. I enjoyed a plate of wild boar pappardelle- ominous sounding, but delicious, and best accompanied by a glass of chianti on the side.

If you fancy sampling some Italian cuisine from outside the North (with its emphasis on red meat, cheese and wheat) try some of Apulia’s finest from Moye on Via del Parione. It’s tucked a little out of the way, but well worth a visit. Unpretentious, yet hip and modern, and relatively cheap, you can sample some fantastic southern italian cooking here. I had a most delicious starter here- bruschetta, artichoke, pork shoulder and mozzarella- a combination that really worked.  For my main I enjoyed some cavatelli (potato- based, shell-shaped pasta), with blue fish, fresh fennel and tomato- again a surprisingly good combo. To top it off I had some of “grandma’s almond biscotti”- which when washed down with sherry, literally tasted of Christmas.

Before heading off to Pisa for my flight (and the gaudy tourist-tat spectacular that is the tower) I stopped off at Lari- a small village with a castle, and a world famous pasta shop- Martelli– where you can see pasta being hand made before it gets sold to Harrods and other prestigious suppliers. I managed to bag some, and hopefully there’ll be some left for me to take back to Oxford in October, hopefully eaten with a decent sauce, and not Tesco’s pesto. 

Review: Kate: A Biography

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Whenever a celebrity marries, gives birth or dies, a slew of seemingly hastily written biographies seem to appear on the shelves of Waterstones or WHSmith, ready to tap into the rising interest. The recent developments in the life of Kate Middleton (marriage and subsequent baby, for those who had their head in the sand over the last couple of years) are no exception to that particular rule.

But how does this sort of thing stand up at this point in time, when the hot air and guff that had given a little lift to the subject of the future monarchy has faded into the mists of 24 hour news reports past? Does a work like Marcia Moody’s Kate: A Biography stand up on its own? Well, no, of course not.

The impetus behind this fawning book is rotten and exploitative, for the life of Kate Middleton is not one that, if we’re being honest, merits a biography. I don’t say that as an ardent republican, but as someone who bothered to read Moody’s brownnosed ramblings, which essentially amount to a list of events Kate attended, and clothes she wore whilst attending them. This is the life of Kate Middleton as things stand.

There’s not a lot more in her early life that makes for a decent biography either. Kate hasn’t struggled – she’s the daughter of a successful businessman. It’s disingenuous to pretend otherwise, and completely unnecessary. Diana was as blue-blooded as they come, totally over-privileged, but is almost certainly biography worthy. She lived a bizarre, crazy and tragic life. We’ll come back to her in a second.

In the meantime, it is important to emphasise that you’re not underprivileged just because you weren’t a boarder, or you take yourself shopping down the local Kensington Waitrose. I’m pretty sure daughter of a multimillionaire counts as privileged, and besides the secure family and close friends she’s enjoyed her whole life (and I don’t begrudge her them) don’t really make for a life of emotional struggle or complexity.

Princess Diana remains the archetypal royal celebrity. We all know that she lived and died in the media’s spotlight, the highs and lows of a turbulent life played out before the country. And there is a craving for more. The media’s coverage of the Windsor clan’s younger members consists of incessant attempts to prophesise their futures through Diana’s life. One doesn’t have to look far to find articles floating around, prophesying the parenting technique of the Duke and Duchess as clearly being derived from the ex-Princess of Wales.

Lurking in the review section of the Amazon page for Moody’s book is ‘Gallia’s’ contribution (four stars, in case you were wondering), which is headed by the line ‘Interesting summary of a (so far) fortunate life’. Hmm, slightly ominous, don’t you think, Gallia? Maybe I’m reading too much into this – maybe Gallia is just exercising a judicious reluctance to predict an absolutely idyllic future for the young duchess and her progeny. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to read into royal coverage a desire to find traces of Diana in the fortunes of her offspring.

A biography like this one, after all the fuss and bother has died down, just can’t stand up on its own. It is designed to tap into the hype and puff of the royal euphoria that grips the country from time to time. But what this amounts to is a series of OK! articles, strung together to resemble a book, peppered with interviews with people that really have little to do with the major moments of her life (does the guy who taught her to shoot count?).

The best bit is the reaction of snooty courtiers to her mother the former air hostess. The ‘vinegary’ Buckingham Palace attendants would apparently mock Caroline Middleton by making snide comments of “doors to manual” in reference to her mother’s former career every time she walked past. I know we’re not meant to laugh at this horribly snobbish comment, but it is also funny, in a bitchy kind of way.

Moody is determined to present Kate as the commoner, who through a sense of duty sustained by love for her husband can burst through the pressures and expectations from the media and establishment, meeting the traditional role of a princess with a touch of modernity. The reality is that Kate has had a life that seems to have consisted mainly of gap-year style trips to South America and Africa, and outings with aristocratic pals to the fashionable nightclub Boujis, where they would down ‘crackbabies’ in test-tubes (that being a drink, apparently, that was also served at Will and Kate’s wedding reception).

She may lack blue blood, but the woman who emerges from this book is (not through Moody’s intention, but the pure facts of the case) highly privileged and slightly dull. Kate may be pleasant, and charming, but these qualities alone do not warrant a biography, Ms. Moody.

Kate: A Biography is published by Michael O’Mara and is available here.

 

Review: Scottish National Gallery

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Slumping in a metal chair for hours of ranting stand-up comedians and aggressively abstract Sartre adaptations is, against all logic, exhausting. A weekend of intensive Fringe viewing will leave your brain pickled, your shoulders lolling and your digestive system pleading for anything that isn’t Irn-Bru or The Whole Hog Roast Breakfast Bap Special. If the ill effects of rhythmic clapping in huddled dungeons have started to claim your sanity, we suggest a wander through the Scottish National Gallery as a mild tonic.

Peter Doig’s exhibition No Foreign Lands, housed in the top floor of the columned Gallery, is a good place to start. Entry costs £6, but don’t get tricked into paying £6 extra for tickets to the Man Ray Portraits and Witches and Wicked Bodies displays – these are at affiliated galleries on the other side of town. Stepping into the exhibition, you will be struck first by the sound of silence: a half remembered noise of no hecklers, no promoters, no half-naked men juggling swords on ladders. And then Doig’s paintings will catch your eyes.

These boldly-hued canvases are studies in strangeness. Trinidad is his subject, and he obscures it in many ways: a dramatic landscape of a lagoon dissolves in bright shimmering colours, where elsewhere a man in a red canoe foregrounds the tiny isle on the horizon; the country is broken up with Cubist regularity, in the next room plunged into fuzzy woodland shadow and finally posterised in a Rothko-esque game of beach cricket.

The formal innovation is impressive, but there are important questions raised. Is the strangeness a product of the viewer’s perspective? Is it inherently within the island? Or deeper still, is it the lens through which Doig, born in Edinburgh but raised in the Caribbean, sees his childhood home? It is not clear how strongly we should agree with Robert Louis Stevenson’s axiom: “There are no foreign lands. It is the traveller only who is foreign.”

The Doig exhibition is the drawcard of the Gallery’s festival exhibitions, but downstairs one can also find a trio of free events. We would recommend only the briefest of pit-stops here: the lack of entry fee is a mask for the blatant commercial slant of all three displays, which are effectively shop windows. The celebration of the twenty-first anniversary of Richard Murphy’s successful Edinburgh architectural practice seems like a good excuse to show an hour’s worth of very nice renovations of detached homes to clients looking for very nice renovations of detached homes. Likewise the Collector’s Choices halls, which seem to have more plaques thanking Aberdeen Asset Management than actual works of art.

The redeeming feature of the ground floor is the 21 Revolutions exhibit, which offers a number of objects from the Glasgow Women’s Library – and the artwork that this resource has inspired. Sam Ainsley’s map of Scotland collaged from the names of women’s memorials in the poignant This Land is Your Land stands out, as do Kate Gibson’s domestic chores stickerbook Homespun and Helen de Main’s reimagining of feature articles from 70’s femi-zine Spare Ribs.

But the Gallery is not merely a festival pop-up, and there is a lot more to see here than selection of August exhibitions. The Gallery’s advertising is weighted heavily towards No Foreign Lands and the other temporary displays – to the point that I only discovered its splendid permanent collection by accident. Moving from Renaissance to Baroque to the Romantics, these plush rooms are decked with Velazquez, Bernini, Rubens, Rembrandt, with a cheeky Rodin here and there as a momentary distraction. If you have begun to weary of High Street ska / beatbox renditions of “Smooth Criminal”, go bask in the glory of the Old Masters.

No Foreign Lands will continue at the Scottish National Gallery until 3 November. Tickets cost £6, and are available here. Both Collector’s Choices and 21 Revolutions will run until 8 September, whilst Richard Murphy Architects closes on 24 September.

Review: Drenge – Drenge

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Brothers Eoin and Rory Loveless may make up one of the smaller bands on the scene at the moment, but they more than make up for their lack of personnel with their explosive sound. The two Irishmen kick things off with more excited rage than a rabid werewolf. The third track on their eponymous debut, ‘I Wanna Break You In Half’ reaches a fever pitch of adolescent fury as Drenge rage against the machine with grunge influences aplenty; the listener’s blood practically boils over as Eoin growls about how he wants to “make you piss your pants/I wanna break you in half”.

Next up is ‘Bloodsports’, which showcases the very best of Tom Watson’s favourite band. Drenge are not here to please the indie kids, nor is it their mission to provide some more vapid, jangly indie pop. ‘Bloodsports’ swaggers through its two-and-a-half minutes with the threat of violence lurking under the surface throughout. With the arrogant sneer of Nick Cave, the unfettered anger of the Sex Pistols and the powerful, head-banging riffs of Nirvana, Drenge provide something that’s been missing from music for too long.

After an electrifying opening, Drenge dies down a bit, and if one were to find some criticism for the album, it would be that the band appear to lose track of what they’re trying to do for a bit. There’s only so far that frenetic sub-3 minute songs can get you, and fortunately Drenge appear to realize this before too long.

‘Let’s Pretend’, the penultimate track, is one of the most interesting songs on the album. At more than eight minutes long, it allows Drenge to showcase a more expansive, inventive sound. Drenge then reinvent themselves again for the album closer, ‘Fuckabout’, which reveals tenderness in its soft, gently crooned sound coupled with drawling irony in the lyrics which mock its own love song pretensions (“when I put the kettle on/you put heavy metal on”).

All in all, Drenge have produced an extremely impressive debut, and we can’t wait to get to their live shows and see Tom Watson moshing with the kids at the front.

Drenge’s album is out now and is available to stream here.

The Future of Rap Music

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Let’s face it, rap hasn’t been interesting for a long time. There hasn’t been any fire in the genre since the Biggie-Tupac wars. The East Coast has failed to deliver on its promise and the current leaders in the genre (Jay Z and Kanye West, indisputably the kings of rap) have just released two albums that, whilst interesting, have nothing to say other than “look at me”.

Shame. At its best, rap is vital, political, fun and many other things. It’s clearly time for a revolution in the rap scene, but this won’t come through the machinations of A$AP Rocky or Childish Gambino (or, god forbid, Macklemore). It will come from a couple of chaps in tweed.

Yeah, that seems strange. However, Chap hop is, well, just brilliant. There’s something bizarrely entertaining about watching the sort of person you thought only existed in Enid Blyton’s fever dreams spit forth rhymes that rival in eloquence anything that Nas or Eminem ever produced.

And so, without further ado, I introduce to you the main proponents of the genre, the Biggie and Tupac of Chaps if you will:

Mr B the Gentleman Rhymer is a gent with a love for tweed and waistcoats, a wonderful curly moustache and a banjolele. If you haven’t already been won over, give his appropriation of rap history a listen and see if you’re any more charmed…

Mr B’s real name is Jim Burke, and he works alongside Britpop also-rans, Collapsed Lung. He plays festivals, from Glastonbury to the Fringe, and is known to enjoy a spot of cricket, as evidenced by his parody of N.W.A.’s ‘Straight Outta Compton.

But Mr B isn’t the only game in town. His rival and arch nemesis*, Professor Elemental, is the leader of the darker side to the chap hop movement. Whilst Mr B is likely to spend the afternoon in his club of at Lords, the Professor is probably cooking up a mad experiment with his butler, an orang-utan named Jeffrey. Here’s his diss song, directed at his sunnier opponent.

The Professor, (or Paul Alborough, as boring people tend to call him), is the chap’s chap, a real connoisseur’s delight. His rhymes, whilst perhaps not as catchy as Mr B’s, are far more detailed and tend to revolve around his obsession (nay, addiction) with regards to a certain hot beverage:

… or the culture of his homeland, which he spares no blushes, indicting us for our timidity, racism, and for giving the world a certain someone (no spoilers!):

If you are, as I am, sick of the narcissistic preening of the current cadre of rappers, why not tune in to what these chaps are laying down. You never know, you may enjoy yourself!

*said rivalry was resolved when both agreed that the other is jolly good at what they do, and was laid to rest by an evening with a crate of sherry and some opium.

Political Correctness – Anything But Mad?

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It’s always a shame that, whenever a politician is caught in the act, doing something they shouldn’t be or saying something unacceptable, that their apologies all sound the same. They stand in front of TV cameras, usually with their spouse and family beside them, and read the same pre-prepared platitudes that we hear each and every time – “I made an error of judgement”, “I’m lucky to have my family stick by me through this difficult time” et cetera, et cetera.

This is what makes it so refreshing when a politician breaks from usual procedure and reacts in a genuine and open way. This often takes a bit of pushing, as shown by the infamous interview in which David Frost brought ex-President Richard Nixon to the point of saying that “when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal”. However, in some circumstances the politician is not willing to toe the line and so is eager to do things their own way.

All this is by way of getting round to talking about Godfrey Bloom, the UKIP MEP who referred to aid recipients as natives of “Bongo Bongo Land”, parroting the worst Gilbert-and-Sullivan-esque stereotypes imaginable. This is clearly racist nonsense, no matter how he may have later tried to back track (claiming that, as a dictionary defined the Bongo as a white antelope, he clearly wasn’t referring to a country). However, the most important and under-reported element of his response was what he said about political correctness.

“I’m not a wishy-washy Tory. I don’t do political correctness. The fact that the Guardian is reporting this will probably double my vote in the north of England.”

The first two sentences are certainly true. The third, whilst probably not exactly true does reveal an important fact about British society – political correctness is not cool, it’s not even seen as being good. It’s seen as an overbearing, fiendishly complicated system of self-imposed regulation (or rather regulation by the liberal elite) of free speech, and an infringement on common sense.

Given the history of political correctness, this ought to be a strange state of affairs. Political correctness, as we know it, arose from political movements in the latter half of the 20th Century that aimed to turn the tide against things such as racism, sexism, homophobia and so on. These are all noble aims and battles that have come a long way in a short space of time. However, it is very clear that whilst we have, as a society, internalised these aims to an extent, there are plenty of small backlashes going on in everyday speech.

Every time someone says “I’m not a racist, but…” and then goes on to spout some horrific racial stereotype we can see exactly how these function. We pay lip service to political correctness and give the illusion of supporting these noble aims whilst simultaneously undermining these campaigns with whatever we then go on to say. When we reject political correctness, we give ourselves license to act in a way that goes against the proud traditions of anti-racism, anti-sexism (etc) that we tell ourselves we support. That’s the more apologetic end of the spectrum. Where alternative comedians (Jo Brand, Stewart Lee, and Alexei Sayle) used to bend over backwards to be respectful of minorities in their sets, people like Frankie Boyle and various minor idiots do the opposite, attempting to rebel against the PC system by making “shocking” statements. The idea is that this is something foisted upon us and something which has to be resisted.

The truth is that political correctness is not the vast, artificial nonsense that it is often made out to be. Believe it or not, it comes down to common sense. Political correctness is the act of calling someone by the term they would wish to be called. That’s not difficult. If you’re unsure how to refer to someone, just ask. If you go against their wishes, you are contributing to power structures that deprive them of an equal footing in society to white, straight, middle class, cis males, but, even more than that, you’re just being an arsehole.

The reason that so many people deride or despise political correctness is that it has been systematized, and there are words which people are not allowed to say. It’s natural to dislike boundaries and to want to break them, especially when, in some circumstances, those boundaries seem purely arbitrary. However, if we cease to use political correctness as a kind of standardized vocabulary and allow people to define themselves and how they would like to be referred to, and only require of others that they respect those decisions, that doesn’t seem to be particularly onerous. To rebel against that sort of political correctness couldn’t be seen as daring or risqué, only as arrogant and disrespectful.

Political correctness isn’t mad, it’s just common sense. 

Top 10 films to watch before starting at Oxford

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Films to help you settle in like a pro:

Starter for 10

Starter for 10 stars James McAvoy as Brian, a student starting out at the University of Bristol in the ‘80s. Though it focuses primarily on the University Challenge team, the film is a witty and realistic portrayal of the life and loves of your average student, and manages to show the process of settling in at university in a warm, funny, and accurate way. Worth watching if only to see a pre-Sherlock Benedict Cumberbatch stealing every one of his scenes as the grating Patrick Watts.

Educating Rita

It may not reflect everyone’s university experience, but if you want to know the importance of the student/tutor relationship at Oxford, this is a must-see. Michael Caine is the ageing, alcoholic academic, and Julie Walters the student who rekindles his love for his subject, and gets an insight into the educated world, in this adaptation of Willy Russell’s stage play. An absorbing, slightly cautionary, tale, the film celebrates the capacity of education to change people, while advising that it doesn’t make them forget their identity completely.

Monsters University

It’s a long way from Pixar’s best, but, like everything else released by the studio, Monsters University sure has a warm heart. The relationship between Mike and Sulley shows that university is a place where friendships are born, relationships change, and first impressions can be drastically revised. And if you’re nervous about coming to uni, watching this will make you feel more warm and fuzzy than Sulley himself.

Legally Blonde

A film reflecting the American system – it’s set in Harvard Law School – but which holds many truths about the university experience. Reese Witherspoon is Elle Woods, an image-obsessed sorority queen who becomes a student of law. She may not seem like it at first, but Elle – who must prove herself to the students who don’t take her seriously – is a fantastic role model, displaying an enviable faith in her own ability, and a commitment to hard work. She develops her identity on her own terms, showing the importance of being willing to change for the people that you care about, and refusing to compromise yourself for those that you don’t.

National Lampoon’s Animal House

The original, and still the best. 35 years on from its release, Animal House remains as grossly and shockingly funny as ever. John Belushi is ‘Bluto’ Blutarsky, the head of the Delta Tau Chi fraternity, who fight the authorities, throw lavish parties, and generally raise as much hell as they can. Though the college is American, the theme of fighting for what you believe in is universal, and the fraternity demonstrates the importance of having fun at university, rolling with the punches, and not always taking life so seriously. Altogether now – Toga! Toga! Toga!

And, if you’re missing school already, here are the top five films for reliving those halcyon days:

Grease

Aside from the fact that it boasts 3 or 4 (or 5 or 6…) of the catchiest songs in cinema history, Grease is worth watching as it’s still the best portrayal of leaving school to be found on screen. Danny and Sandy’s turbulent love story takes in a drag race, a leaving dance, and for some reason a carnival as the Greasers and the Pink Ladies alike prepare to step out into the big wide world.

10 Things I Hate About You

By far the best film adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew set in an American high school: Julia Stiles is Kat, a girl who doesn’t believe in love until won over by Heath Ledger’s Patrick Verona. The first-rate performances make this peculiarly affecting, and there are enough engaging characters that you can relive school life from the aspect of the outsiders, the popular kids, and everyone in between.

Mean Girls

The most quotable film ever made – seriously, even the White House quoted it on its Twitter feed – needs no introduction. Watch it to see the bitchiness of secondary school exaggerated wonderfully (if barely), and to learn what colour to wear on Wednesdays, why some people have big hair, and that there are some questions which you just can’t ask.

21 Jump Street

This remake of an old TV show is warmer, funnier, and rings far truer than anyone expected on its release last year. Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill are cops who return to high school to sniff out drug dealers, but the focus is firmly on their reliving of the high school experience. With varying degrees of success with love interests, the sports teams and the school play, there’s much here about which to reminisce – and to be glad you’ve left behind.

High School Musical 3

OK, it may not be the greatest film ever made. But watch it in the right mood and it could have you weeping into your mortarboard, tearing up your exam results and begging your headteacher to let you back for just one more year. Of course, watch it in the wrong mood and it will only serve to remind you of all the worst parts of school; but at least it will make you glad that never again do you have to return.

St Benet’s monastic superior quits after child abuse scandal

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Father Francis Davidson, responsible for the welfare of student monks at St Benet’s, is the only surviving headmaster of Fort Augustus Abbey School, the subject of a recent BBC Scotland investigation for the programme Sins of Our Fathers.

The programme, broadcast on 29 July, revealed claims of physical and sexual abuse spanning from 1950s to 1990s.  Fr Davidson is one of three headmasters accused of covering up the scandal; ten Fort Augustus monks have been accused of physical abuse, and four monks and one lay teacher of sexual abuse, including rape.  The programme contains further allegations that the school was a “dumping ground” for clergy with a history of abusing children.

Over 50 ex-pupils have spoken to the BBC about their experiences at fee-paying Fort Augustus School in the Scottish Highlands, which shut in 1993, and its feeder preparatory school, Carlekemp, shut in 1977.

One former pupil, Hugh Kennedy, who attended Fort Augustus in the 1970s, recalls being sexually abused by two teachers. One of the abusers was his housemaster Fr Chrysostum Alexander.  He told the BBC, “He would play with me, masturbate me and would make me do certain things to him, oral sex, things along those lines… I did tell Fr Davidson, who was the headmaster.”

Despite claiming that he had personally alerted Fr Davidson, Mr Kennedy says the police were never involved in this “sustained and protracted” experience, and that Fr Chrysostum visited his home to convince his family of his innocence, where “he [Chrysostum] had convinced her [Kennedy’s stepmother] this was a non story and… I was sent back to Fort Augustus to be subjected to further abuse by Chrysostom.”

After allegations were reportedly made by a second victim in 1977, then headmaster Davidson failed to alert the police, instead sending Fr Chrysostum back to Australia, with no warnings about his offending.

Earlier this week, Fr Davidson told the BBC that he did not remember Kennedy’s allegations. “I would like to offer my profound sympathies to former pupils of Fort Augustus Abbey School and their families for any historic abuse committed by Fr Chrysostom Alexander including to Hugh Kennedy.

“I was shocked and saddened to hear of Mr Kennedy’s allegations and of those against Bill Owen relating to Fort Augustus in the 1970s. I do not recall them being reported to me during my time as headmaster of Fort Augustus Abbey School.

“Subsequent allegations of abuse made to the Abbot, who is now dead, resulted in an internal investigation by the Abbot and Fr Chrysostom’s immediate removal from the school.”

There is currently an ongoing police investigation into the abuse, but leading children’s charities, including the NSPCC, are calling for full, independent inquiries.

These revelations come eight years after an Oxford student made a formal complaint of harassment against St Benet’s Hall tutor, Bernard Green.  Fr Bernard had previously pled guilty in 1996 to indecently assaulting a 13 year old whilst housemaster at Catholic public school, Ampleforth College.

St Benet’s Hall released the following statement to Cherwell: “We would like to offer our heartfelt sympathies to former pupils of  Fort Augustus Abbey School and their families.

“As investigations into matters at Fort Augustus Abbey School and Carlekemp Priory school are ongoing, we can confirm that Fr Francis Davidson has stepped aside from his role of religious superior of St. Benet’s Hall.”

Back-to-Uni Shopping List

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A trip to WH Smith just wasn’t enough to satisfy the appetite, and so, in a ‘back-to-school-shopping’ whirlwind of excitement, the Cherwell Fashion university essentials wish list was born. Realistically, for those of us returning to Oxford there probably won’t be much spending until our student loans come through (and even then, we’re more likely to find ourselves paying our batels than splurging on Lanvin notebooks). But for those of you who have just received your results, met your offers, and are about to embark on the frantic off-to-university shopping trip with your parents? Perhaps you’ll have a better chance at picking up a little bit of luxury before Michaelmas commences…

 

For the Boys 

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Kenzo blue printed iPad case, £115; ASOS laptop bag, £25; Sandqvist Sinclaire 13” laptop case, £45; Lamy ‘Pico’ ballpoint pen, £30; Smythson ‘Genius’ Wayfer notebook, £35; Bodum Brazil French press coffee maker, £20 at John Lewis; Keepcup large size reusable coffee cup, £10.50; Edwin Blyde & Co. pewter hip flask, £50 at John Lewis; Uniform Wares 100 series classic steel wristwatch, £120; Jimbob Art ‘Mr Bear in a Suit’ coffee cup set, £49.95; Herschel Heritage backpack, £55; Bric’s suit and garment bag, £160; APC leather trimmed backpack, £150

 

For the Girls

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American Apparel silver lamé rucksack, £44; Campo Marizo ‘Minny’ Fountain Pen £20; Liberty London ‘Red Iphis’ iPad sleeve, £95; Marc by Marc Jacobs Work It Baby Got leather trimmed backpack, £290; Lanvin hardcover notebook, £40; Big Tomato Companyheart mug with platinum/24ct gold detail, £19.95; Marc by Marc Jacobs 13” ‘Mareika’ embossed neoprene laptop case, £55; Keepcup medium size reusable coffee cup, £9.50; Bodum Brazil French press coffee maker, £20 each at John Lewis; Caran D’Ache 849 Fluro set of three ballpoint pens, £45; Longchamp customized Le Pliage bag, from £84 at Longchamp.com

 

 

 

"Au coin": The French Naughty Step

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The Naughty Step

It’s half-past 8 in the evening; the parents are out enjoying their childless evening and back at the house its absolute chaos. Children 1 and 2 are point-blank refusing to get into their beds, let alone go to sleep; meanwhile Child number 3 has just woken up from a nap and is demanding her supper in the only way she can: with the loudest yell she can muster. I’m still covered in remnants of dinner (who thought that mashed potato was a good idea?) and I’m trying to think of something to do to get them to listen to me. It’s remarkably difficult to tell someone off in a different language and unfortunately my first-year French course hasn’t taught me anything about disciplining naughty French children. All my threats of “do you want me to get angry?” have been met with a resounding “mais oui!”, I suddenly remember what I used to hate as a child: the threat of the naughty step.

Placing child number 3 back in her cot, where she definitely can’t fall over, eat off the floor or pull my shorts down, I announce loudly that I’m going to count to five and at five, whoever is not in bed and quiet will be going au coin (I don’t know the translation of ‘the naughty step’, so ‘in the corner’ will have to do). Triumphantly I look down on two confused faces as the girls try to work out whether or not I’m serious and whether or not au coin is a better deal than au lit. As I reach 5, praying they’ll give in and just go to bed, child number 1 decides it’s all a merry joke and continues counting, whilst her number 2 stands at her side, giggling. The naughty step it is, then.

5 minutes later: as I expected (or rather, was wishing with all my heart), the prodigal daughter returns, looking very sad and sorry for herself. She gives me an apology, a roughly muttered “pardon Liz” and then promises to lie down and be quiet. Peace at last!

Finally, I’ve done it. I’ve succeeded in making 3 children behave and I did it all in French. I march victoriously up the stairs (the bedrooms are all downstairs), looking forward to a long-awaited silence and inwardly smiling at my success.

It’s only when I reach the top of the stairs that I can hear the girls laughing at my stupidity. Of course they aren’t going to sleep. It’s time to think of something else.

Feeding time at the zoo

Two days ago, we all bundled into the car and drove to the zoo, one of the biggest in Europe. As we watched the animals being fed, I couldn’t help but be reminded of mealtimes with the children; just as loud, messy, and unexpected.

Mealtimes are indeed interesting occasions here. The children have 4 meals, the one extra being ‘le goûter’, eaten in the middle of the afternoon. This is eaten anywhere and everywhere, from in the classroom to on the beach. The other meals, however, are eaten à table. This doesn’t bode well for three active children who are hungry but would much rather be doing something else.

Getting them all to sit at the table is a task in itself. With the exception of the 11-month-old, who can easily be picked up and strapped into her highchair (therefore incapable of escaping), they require chasing and persuading to leave their colouring and sit up. Before they mount their chairs, a vigorous programme begins to strip them of the bizarre things they bring with them; one time child number 2 brought her blanket “because it was hungry too”.

Once sat down, we begin our meal. Thankfully, all 3 children are excellent eaters and will happily gobble down goat’s cheese, pickled anchovies and spinach with gusto. It doesn’t really matter what you put in front of them, they’ll most likely eat it. Now seated and beginning the meal, they are also very enthusiastic, to the point that it begins to pose problems. As soon as she hears the sound of cutlery on china, or the joyful ping! of the microwave, child number 3 begins to bounce up and down with excitement in her chair and if you don’t get that food in her mouth within 5 seconds flat, there’s trouble. The same goes for dessert; if she sees her petit suisse whilst still finishing off her main course, you can forget the main and throw it away before she does; she can often be found later on with bits of food in her hair and ears from the spoonful of food she swatted away.

Like child number 3, the others become distressed when they learn that the meal is over, there is nothing more for them to eat and they have to leave the table. Tears and tantrums ensue when one appears to have slightly more than the other, or eats too quickly and therefore runs out first. Quite the gourmande myself, the child inside me resents having to give them some of my own food when they finish before me and are still hungry. It’s mine and I want it. Deal.

Food hygiene is also a novelty for the girls; one day this week we made cakes and when they were brought out to eat, child number 2 proudly showed us which of the cakes she had made by repeatedly plunging her finger into each one.

As for the zoo, I’m sure I didn’t imagine the parents’ sighs when child number 2 replied to the question “so what was your favourite animal in the (very expensive and extremely varied) zoo?”; smiling sweetly she pointed across the road towards a pond by the car park… “I like the ducks!”

Lingo bingo

It’s been just over a week since I started au pairing and speaking French has started to become natural. My first word of the day, usually a disgruntled “quoi?” as I am awoken by a little voice outside my room calling “Leeez? Leeez??” (they still can’t say Liz properly) is in French, as is my last. Speaking to friends and family over Skype, I discover that I have to think hard to find the words I need to speak in English, my mother tongue. Being so immersed in the culture is a fantastic experience and I would heartily recommend it to anyone studying a language; never before have my linguistic skills been so tested or improved.

I must admit, however, that there have been a few slips of the tongue. One day, enthusiastically telling the family an anecdote, I accidentally related that it “s’est mis a pleurer” (it started to cry) instead of “pleuvoir” (to rain). Another time, whilst searching in a supermarket for a crème-brulee-style dessert, I asked the shop assistant for the “crème aux yeux” (eye cream) instead of the “crème aux oeufs” (the pudding). For those who don’t speak French, those two things honestly do sound extremely alike.

Not all of these language blunders have been from me; alas, the well-known irritating cartoon kitty character has been transformed by these French children into a catcall (excuse the pun) one might hear in rapungi from a suspicious elderly gentleman: “’ello titty”. It’s probably a blessing the parents don’t speak English.

There are also some phrases that the family uses which strongly remind me of something we would hear on this side of the channel. Things such as “that’s the last time I tell you that”, “what’s the magic word” or “do you want a smack” are often flung about the house, pointing out the similarities of family units, despite being in vastly different cultures. Possibly my least favourite recognisable phrase, heard coming from the smallest room in the house is “j’ai fini”. I’ll leave you to work out what that one means.

Finally, for anyone who has the tiniest bit of doubt as to whether my English is still up to scratch, here’s a conversation I overheard in the car on the way to the beach, between the two older children and their friend:

Friend: (presumably gesturing to me) So who’s that?

Child number 2: That’s Liz. She’s English.

Child number 1: She’s our English girl.

Friend: But she speaks French?

Child number 1: (with an air of authority) Yes. I think it’s normal. In England they have to speak French too.

Friend: I would very much like it if she would say something in English.

Child number 2: I’ll get her to do it. Leeeez? Can you say something in English?

Me: What do you want me to say?

Friend: English things!

Me: (in English) What do you want me to say?

The girls all look at me with mouths wide open, like I’m an alien (which in a manner of speaking, I probably am)

Friend: (turning to child number 1) She really is English!

Mamamamamama

Today marks the end of my stint as an au pair. It’s safe to say that I have mixed feelings about finishing. Sure, it’ll be nice to have my own space again without fear of children entering (being in the shower, in bed or in the bathroom doesn’t stop these girls), and to have a more relaxed vacation, but there’s something to miss about it too.

It’s not always tears, tantrums and terrible trios, much as it may seem. I’ve learnt lots and have been rewarded for my work – not just my pay at the end but in terms of getting along with the girls and learning about their likes, dislikes, fears (the witch in Sleeping Beauty) and what they want to be when they grow up (firewomen).

I’ve been fought over as a playmate, dinner companion and story-teller. The children would begin each day by setting out what they want to do, provided that it was something “avec Liz”.

This being my second year, I didn’t have to endure the experience of heading off into the unknown, at a rendez-vous point I’d forgotten. Last year, I packed my bags and set off to a family I’d never seen or met and they had no idea what they were letting themselves in for either. They welcomed me, told me to treat the house as if it was my own, and always made sure that I was coping, kept informed and enjoying myself. They were just as lovely, if not lovelier this year.

Last year, I was around (not physically present at!) for the birth of child number 3. This year, I was reintroduced to the same girl and was privileged to be there for her 1st birthday; even given the honour of baking her birthday cake. When I first picked her up, she wouldn’t stop crying. Now when she sees me, she raises her arms and cries until I lift her up and give her a cuddle. She greets me with “mamamama” or “papapapa” , a performance previously reserved exclusively for her parents.

After numerous nappy changes (oh, the joys of young children), sending the baby to sleep and juggling carrying one child whilst trying to play with another, the mother joked that I have now got my children’s “diplome”.  In a way that feels merited; having never before had experience of looking after very young children, I think I didn’t do half bad. Child number three responded by giggling and clapping her hands. Cute.