Wednesday, May 7, 2025
Blog Page 1499

Worcester Provost battles with Exeter building plan

Alice King
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Worcester Provost battles with Exeter building plan

The head of Worcester College has been criticised after he encouraged students to oppose a new accommodation building for Exeter students. The plans, which entail a redevelopment of the former Ruskin College buildings, are to take place on the northern perimeter of Worcester’s grounds and seek to provide around 100 rooms of accommodation for Exeter’s students.

Worcester’s concerns are founded on the “excessive elevation” of the proposed new building and the “inappropriately garish and intrusive materials proposed for its roof and upper level”, according to an email received by students last week.

The email then goes on to inform students of the ways in which they could make valid complaints to the council, should they so wish, and warns them that a simple complaint such as “I don’t like the look of it” would not suffice. This is followed by a list of objections that would be deemed valid according by the council, focusing mainly on issues of design and scale.

The message concludes by stating that if a student objected to the plans after taking “a few minutes” to look over them, the college would be “most grateful” if they made this objection known to the council. Exeter’s JCR President, Edward Nickell, has criticised the email, telling Cherwell, “The Provost has an obligation to protect heritage sites on his land, but he should recognise that the student priority should be for more housing.

“He has to defend the site, but it’s above the call of duty to encourage students to do the same.” 

Exeter has already compromised on the materials used on the wall of the building. However, Worcester still objects to its height.

Exeter currently offers accommodation to all first year students and 30% of finalists, whereas Worcester are able to offer accommodation to undergraduates for three years.

Exeter’s Rector, Ms. Frances Cairncross, explained the difficulty in reaching an agreement over the height of the building. “To meet Worcester’s request for a reduction in the height of the roof line at the western end of our site would mean the loss of 14 student rooms. “As Exeter is particularly short of student accommodation, the consequence would be that 14 of our students each year lost the opportunity of city centre accommodation at affordable rents.”

Worcester’s Provost, Professor Jonathan Bate, explains the email by asserting that “The JCR, MCR and Governing Body asked me to keep them informed as to whether a compromise had been achieved, and to let them know how to object in the event that it wasn’t.”

Worcester’s Provost, Professor Jonathan Bate, explains the email by asserting that “The JCR, MCR and Governing Body asked me to keep them informed as to whether a compromise had been achieved, and to let them know how to object in the event that it wasn’t.”

Nikita Hayward, a first year Worcester student, commented, “If Exeter College took the top storey off their proposed development, and chose more discreet materials for their building (especially that of the roof) then they could still provide more space for their own students.” 

Yet one Exeter student said, “I hope that even after only taking ‘a few minutes’ examining the application, Worcester students will recognize the positive impact of the proposal and the consideration of the local community. “Hopefully this will persuade students, despite the attempts of the Provost, what a wonderful proposal for our College, local  community and University this is.”

Teddy Hall Earth Sciences dinner crashed

Rowan Borchers
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Teddy Hall Earth Sciences dinner crashed

Environmental activists have invaded a dinner celebrating Oxford University’s new partnership with Shell, after protesters condemned the scheme this week.

The dinner, which was held at St Edmund Hall and was attended by university representatives and Shell executives, was invaded by two activists ten minutes after it started. An unnamed man gave a speech to the room for around a minute, before being escorted from the premises. The activists have alleged to Cherwell that they were forcibly ejected from the room by porters, although St Edmund Hall’s porters have declined to confirm the allegations, refusing to comment.

The infiltration of the dinner was the culmination of several groups’ campaigns through the day. Campaigners oppose Shell’s £5.9 million donation to the university’s Earth Sciences department to fund a new geosciences laboratory. The Teddy Hall protest was organised by the UK Tar Sands Network, a group who oppose the practice of extracting oil from the ground which requires the mass clearing of land.

Video courtesy of UK Tar Sands Network

Shell have been criticised by environmentalists for developing new forms of oil extraction, as well as alleged human rights abuses in the Niger Delta and political lobbying in US elections. Shell defended their investment in the university, telling Cherwell that the company “recognises that certain organisations are opposed to our industry. We respect the right of individuals and organisations to engage in a free and frank exchange of views about our operations. Recognising the right of individuals to express their point of view, we only ask that they do so with their safety and the safety of others, including Shell personnel, in mind.”

In a video of the gatecrashing recorded by the UK Tar Sands Network, the invading speaker is shown introducing himself. He then discusses the day’s protests, saying, “I thought you might be interested about why this has happened, and what all the fuss is about…I’m going to very briefly explain to you why, and I’m going to let you think about that as you finish your dinner. Firstly, there’s an issue about the nature of the research that’s being funded.”

The camera’s lens is then obscured by somebody’s hand, and a man is seen approaching the speaker.

Danny Chivers, an activist and spokesperson for the UK Tar Sands Network, told Cherwell, “These were people who were sitting down to dinner, thinking that they’d managed to stay behind the glass, and avoid the protests of the day. They weren’t counting on unexpected guests showing up to give a talk at their dinner.

“It’s not right for them to be able to have these cosy dinners behind closed doors, and ignore the real-life implications of the decisions they’re making.”

The UK Tar Sands Network was one of several groups protesting against the investment, which formally started yesterday. The launch ceremony was attended by the University’s Vice-Chancellor Andrew Hamilton, Shell’s Executive Vice-President for Unconventional Energy, Alison Goligher, and Ed Davey, Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change.

In an emergency motion passed on Wednesday OUSU criticised the partnership, alleging that “this partnership is primarily concerned with research that will advance the location and extraction of new sources of hydrocarbons. The aims of this partnership run counter to recommendations made by climate scientists within the University.”

An Oxford University spokesperson defended the scheme, telling Cherwell, “The Shell-Oxford Research Partnership is about fundamental geosciences research. All Oxford University research is rigorous, independent and objective, and the terms of the partnership with Shell protects that independence.

“Shell is supporting research the University already wanted to pursue, both financially and through providing crucial data that will enable us to tackle fundamental research problems it would be impossible to study otherwise. The potential application of that understanding by industry and wider society includes not only meeting future energy needs, but mitigating and combating climate change.”

Earlier in the day protestors, including members of Greenpeace, the UK Tar Sands Network and People and Planet, started off proceedings with several chants, including, “Oxford Uni please dump Shell, if you don’t, we’ll raise hell”, “Fracking hell, that’s not funny, we don’t want your oily money” and “We’re united in defiance, get the Shell out of our science.”

Jess Worth, from the UK Tar Sands Network, said, “I was really surprised when I saw that Ed Davey was coming along and helping launch this.

“I think it’s all linked to the cuts, I mean this government have slashed the research funding of our universities, and that means that universities are being pushed into the arms of corporations like Shell that need to improve their reputation and make links with institutions like Oxford University. Davey is actively encouraging that, and I think that’s disgraceful.”

In a letter published in the Guardian yesterday, over one hundred students, alumni, experts and campaigners expressed their opposition to the partnership. It was also supported by students from other universities such as University College London and York University.

Edward Mortimer, Honorary Fellow of Balliol College and former director of communications in the executive office of the United Nations secretary-general, also signed the letter, which said, “As Oxford alumni, staff and students, we are united in our opposition to this new partnership and the growing trend of oil companies funding, and thus influencing, the research agenda of our universities.

“Oxford’s own climate scientists are warning us that we need to leave the majority of known fossil fuels in the ground, and yet this new partnership will undertake research that will help Shell to find and extract even more hydrocarbons.”

In a final act of defiance, the protestors staged a ‘Shell Laboratory Closing Ceremony’ for the new Earth Sciences building. The Facebook page for the event explained how they would be transported to May 2018, where they’d be holding a “swanky ceremony of our own to celebrate the closure of the ill-fated and unpopular Shell-funded geosciences laboratory.” The page promised “live apologies and feeble justifications” from Hamilton, Goligher and “ex-Secretary of State Ed Davey.”

Hilda’s student and activist Ellen Gibson said, “Given that Oxford’s own climate scientists have been warning of the potential catastrophe of global warming caused by fossil fuel usage, I view it as irresponsible for the university to involve themselves in such a project and to take the money of a company directly endangering the future of Oxford’s students.”

The emergency motion passed by OUSU, as well as criticising the new partnership, mandated President David J. Townsend to “write to the University’s Vice Chancellor outlining OUSU’s position, asking for the partnership to be reconsidered.” OUSU Council has resolved to “Formally oppose Royal Dutch Shell’s partnership with the University’s Earth Sciences Department.”

Students celebrate Ascension Day

Anna Leszkiewicz
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Students celebrate Ascension Day
Thursday saw the return of a series of quirky traditions at Lincoln College to celebrate Ascension Day, the highlight of which was the throwing of the pennies. In an ancient custom at the college, pennies are dropped from the Mitre tower onto Lincoln’s front quad, where a number of children from a nearby primary school attempt to catch them.
 
Traditionally, the pennies were heated before being thrown to the waiting schoolchildren as a warning of the dangers of avarice: now, there is nothing to stop them gathering as many as they can.
 
The day also sees a rare welcoming of Brasenose students inside Lincoln: a secret passage between the colleges is opened up on this day each year. Once inside, Brasenostrils are treated to a pint of ‘ivy ale’: a drink flavoured with ground ivy handpicked by Lincoln’s butler in some local woods.
 
Although the origins of this tradition are contested, the story supposedly goes that a Brasenose student fleeing a violent mob was refused refuge by Lincoln members. The offering of yearly ale is Lincoln’s penitence: but the lacing each drink with ivy prevents any students from taking the liberty of requesting more than one.
 
The day also saw the Beating of the Bounds, where Parish members gathered to mark the boundaries of the parish by beating sticks.

Ice hockey players denied Blues status

Will Tomsett
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Ice hockey players denied Blues status

Outrage has been sparked after eleven members of the Oxford Ice Hockey team were denied Blues by the Men’s Blues Committee at a meeting in Vincent’s Club on Tuesday night, despite having played against Cambridge. Their opponents in the match were awarded Blues.

In a meeting at which the Ice Hockey team were not entitled to vote, the Committee, formed of student representatives from all Blues sports, voted by a large majority to deny eleven Ice Hockey team members a University Blue as their team is not registered with the Proctors or with the Oxford University Sports Federation.

They disaffiliated from OUSF last year and the Proctors denied their request to renew their affiliation a few months later. They were denied the right to use the word ‘University’ in its name, and played the match against Cambridge as ‘Oxford Blues Ice Hockey’ʼ.

The team said they disaffiliated to protest at “a year-long campaign of unethical treatment against our team by OUSF”. They claimed that OUSF misinformed the ice rink they use on the status of the team’s insurance, resulting in a suspension of that season’s hire of the rink. The Federation also wrote to the Cambridge team threatening legal action over the status of the 93rd Varsity match, which was played in March of this year.

The decision over Blues is a blow: “We resigned in good faith with careful consideration of all published documentation in relation to the Blues Committee, the University Regulations and Proctors Memorandum, all of which shows that there is no published documentation or regulations that state that a team’s registration with the Proctors, via the Sports Federation, has any relationship to a team’s Blues status or membership of the Blues Committee,” the ice hockey captain wrote in an email to the Blues committee President.

Cambridge nonetheless awarded its own Ice Hockey team members Blues after the Varsity match, played in March in Peterborough. The decision leaves the exact status of University Ice Hockey, which has been played between Oxford and Cambridge since 1885, unclear.

The Blues Committee argues that the University team is the Oxford Vikings, who constitute the Ice Hockey second team, but the disaffiliated members have pointed out that this team is in fact a Brookes team as 16 of the 25 members of the Vikings are non- Oxford University students. It remains disputed as to which team is now the Oxford University team.

The Blues Committee President, Max Denning, told Cherwell, “The committee concluded that in order to represent Oxford University, and receive the benefits that come with representation, at least some kind formal link is required between a sports team and the University.”

Later, the committee voted on a separate proposal to alter their constitution to say thatÊ»”Clubs are required to be affiliated with University Proctors”ʼ in order to prevent further issues. The Ice Hockey team told Cherwell, “We have a long and compelling story to tell. However, we have always sought to resolve issues through fair and forthright discussions… We are sad to lose our Blues status which we have held since 1933. However, we wish the Blues Committee the best of luck and are looking forward to a bright future for ice hockey at Oxford.”

Brasenose say no to Page 3

Rose Thomas
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Brasenose say no to Page 3

CNB Comment with Harriet Smith Hughes (published 12.05.13)

BRASENOSE COLLEGE JCR has voted unanimously to unsubscribe from The Sun and Daily Star newspapers. An amendment to the motion mandated their women’s welfare representative, Alex Sutton, to sign and circulate within the JCR the ‘No to Page 3’ petition, which reached 100,000 signatures nationally last week.

The motion was proposed by Henry Zeffman and seconded by Ella Crine. The motion noted that “boobs are not news… If one wants to look at boobs, Gertie’s [Brasenose snack bar] and the JCR are probably not the most private places to do so.”

Similar motions have been passed at Exeter and St Edmund Hall.

Other points raised in the debate emphasised that the JCR did not want to censor the right to free speech by outright banning of the newspapers in question, but instead wanted to stop “endorsing the practice of objectifying women”. Other comments criticised the captions which accompany images and were said to “imply it is a ‘funny joke’ that topless women have views on politics”.

Henry Zeffman observed that the motion was unusual for Brasenose, commenting, “I am delighted that Brasenose JCR has voted unanimously to stop buying The Sun and The Daily Star. It shows that even JCRs which are not ‘political’ are willing to strike a blow against these newspapers’ shoddy and degrading treatment of women.”

James Blythe, JCR President, was mandated to “make sure that copies of The Sun and The Daily Star are no longer purchased for Gertie’s and the JCR.
“It is wrong for there to be quasi-pornography in national newspapers and I am delighted that the JCR is joining the campaign to end this strange and misogynistic practice.”

Blythe further commented, “Nonetheless, I was rather sorry not to hear more speeches in opposition, as a wider debate would have been interesting and informative.”

However, when questioned about the lack of opposition, Blythe further commented, “Nonetheless, I was rather sorry not to hear more speeches in opposition, as a wider debate would have been interesting and informative.”

Spotlight on…The Winterling

Helen Reid
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Spotlight on…The Winterling

In 4th Week, Jez Butterworth’s darkly comic The Winterling comes to the Keble O’reilly Theatre. Butterworth is known for his modern sketches of Britain: Mojo and Jerusalem are probably the two which received the most acclaim, Butterworth never fails to be funny and honest. The cast of The Winterling describe their characters as “strongly drawn” and Butter­worth’s language as “lethal”.

The play is set in an abandoned Dartmoor farmhouse, which is invaded by a host of petty gangsters from London’s East End. Many comic aspects of the play draw on the contrast be­tween town thuggery and country life, echoing Withnail & I. Patsy and Wally are the central com­ic duo: Wally is played by Arty Bolour-Froushan, a “forty year-old cockney geezer” in his own words. “Like most of the characters, Wally is ca­pable of terrible, terrible things. He is also a bit pathetic.” Bolour-Froushan will strip down to his pants at one point, something co-star Leo Suter enthusiastically plugs as the “most exciting part of the play” – this remains to be seen.

Suter plays Patsy, a vain but cheerful young­ster who gets dragged along to Dartmoor by Wally. Suter describes The Winterling as “a diffi­cult play. It keeps its cards close to its chest.” This is Suter’s first major Oxford production. When asked about nerves, he responds philosophi­cally: “There are two kinds of nerves that an ac­tor can get. The first, and worst, is being nervous about not knowing your lines, where you should be standing, what comes next, which is totally terrifying. The second is being nervous as to whether people will enjoy the show as much as you have enjoyed creating it and performing in it. Hopefully mine will be the second kind.”

Draycott is played by Peter Huhne, who says Draycott is “essentially insane. That does not stop him from being harmful and sinister”. Other characters say Draycott is “that guy who’ll bang on at you for hours without having even the sniff of a hint that you couldn’t care less about what he’s talking about” – everyone knows someone like that. A popular line among the cast is direct­ed at some badgers by Draycott: “Right, let’s have it you stripy cunts.” Butterworth at his best.

The word power comes up again and again in the cast’s opinions about the play. Bolour-Froushan says, “Power is a hugely important theme in the play. Learning how, as an actor, to exert power and how to accede to it, that’s been very interesting.”

Lue, played by Carla Kingham, enters in the second half of the play. She is essentially the “winterling” of the title: a winterling is an early crocus and Kingham describes Lue as a “disarm­ing, waif-like creature”. Kingham is required to adopt a West-country accent, something which she says has “changed her thought process”, while Lue’s innocence is “effortlessly sexy and al­luring. She has made me realize how incredibly self-aware I can be, so it’s been nice to banish that side of myself for a while.”

Huhne feels liberated by the fact that the audience will have fewer preconceptions of The Winterling as it was written in 2006 and is lesser-known. He says that “people always slate traditional plays, as they always have their own interpretation, and there is inevitably a higher benchmark in a West End production.” However, Kingham says “preconceptions are unavoidably attached, even with a play as little known as The Winterling but why not try and show your audi­ence something different? Offer them a different perspective, a new approach; make them recon­sider what they think they know.”

Preview: She Stoops to Conquer

Jazz Adamson
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Preview: She Stoops to Conquer

She Stoops to Conquer is a comedy of both (bad) manners and errors. Written by Oli­ver Goldsmith and first staged in 1773, it is still popular today, frequently making it onto the national curriculum.

Don’t let your GCSE coursework put you off though – despite the fact that it was last per­formed in Oxford fairly recently (by Trinity Play­ers on Trinity’s lawns last…Trinity), this slick and funny performance, directed by Elisabeth Watts, promises to be original and fresh.

The most striking quality of the play is the on-stage relationships; the cast are at ease with each other and this made viewing a pleasure, which considering the nature of the round-about plot is no mean feat.

It is a romantic farce which manages to be nei­ther insipid nor twee: Mr Hardcastle is a man of means who intends to marry his daughter Kate to Marlow, the son of his wealthy acquaintance. However, Marlow has been misled on his journey by the mischievous Tony Lumpkin; he therefore arrives at the Hardcastle house believing the gentleman of the manor to be an inn-keeper and his daughter a barmaid.

This is the sort of social faux-pas that makes your stomach clench with delightful discom­fort as you ready yourself for a glut of schaden­freude. Yet as it would happen, Marlow is a man who loves nothing more than to woo lower-class women, or “creatures of a different stamp”.

Before upper class women he becomes ut­terly tongue-tied and foolish. Kate learns of this idiosyncrasy and decides to get to know Marlow better by pretending to be a barmaid; thus she “stoops to conquer’” I won’t reveal the ending – I’m sure you can guess. While this is going on, the sub-plots bubble away nicely, with enough messy love-interests to keep even the most avid soap opera fan intrigued.

The Univ Players’ preview assured a vibrant performance from every character. Josephine Glover as Kate Hardcastle brilliantly switches both vocally and physically from a poised upper-class lady to a suggestive barmaid. The dynamic between her and her father, played by Charlie Mondelli, is amusing but warm and comple­ments well the playful relationship between Mrs Hardcastle (Kathryn Smith) and Tony Lumpkin (Jordan Reed).

Kathryn’s melodramatic warblings and af­fectations are on the right side of hammy, while Marlow, played by Oliver Roth, is very compel­ling: like Kate, he has to switch characters and goes from painfully awkward posh boy to sleazy Love God with barely a hitch.

This genial and spirited play is sure to be a hit, being performed in the lovely surroundings of Univ gardens from Wednesday to Saturday of 4th week at 7.30pm.

Award for Rwandan President protested

Rowan Borchers
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Award for Rwandan President protested
A student has organised a campaign to oppose President Paul Kagame of Rwanda being given an award by the Said Business School.
Salvator Cusimano, a postgraduate student at St Antony’s College, has started a petition against the visit on 18 May. The letter, which has been signed by tutors including the founder of Oxford’s Refugee Studies Centre, states that Kagame should not be invited due to his allegedly undemocratic record.
Kagame is visiting Oxford to receive the “the inaugural Distinction of Honor for African Growth Award”, an award organised by students at the school. Having been President since 2000, he was central to the reconstruction of Rwanda after the 1994 genocide. However, critics argue that his regime has been a poor human rights record.
The petition, which was launched on 7 May, states, “The Oxford Business Network for Africa should cancel their engagement with Mr. Kagame immediately, based on his well-documented record of serious and ongoing human rights abuses within Rwanda and in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
 “Inviting Mr. Kagame to accept an award suggests that the Oxford Business Network for Africa, the Saïd Business School, and the University of Oxford condone Mr. Kagame’s actions, and sends the wrong message about the University’s commitment to peace, development, and human rights.
It continues, “Bestowing any honour upon Mr. Kagame at a time when he and his government are becoming increasingly isolated in the face of mounting evidence of their gross human rights violations represents a serious error of judgment.”
As of 9 May, the petition has 712 signatures, with a goal of 1000.
Professor Peter Tufano, Peter Moores Dean at Saïd Business School, told Cherwell, “The Oxford Africa Business Conference is a student-led event, held by the Oxford Business Network for Africa, a student organisation.”
“We prize open discussion and in line with the University’s Freedom of Speech policy we have not sought to prevent the students from extending this invitation. President Kagame’s presence in the Saïd Business School does not imply any endorsement by the School or the University of his views or actions. We are aware that President Kagame is considered by some to be a controversial figure and there will be the opportunity for those present to challenge him as appropriate.”
The award is being given by students, not the Said Business School.
Cusimano told Cherwell, “I’m organizing the campaign not because I oppose Mr. Kagame’s visit; I think that it could have provided a platform for an excellent discussion if framed appropriately. I started the campaign because the event was not only happening without any apparent critical discussion, but was lauding him at a time when the extent of his government’s abuses are becoming ever more apparent.”
He continued, “I set out with the hope that the Conference organizers might reverse their decision to reward Mr. Kagame, but more broadly to ensure that the Oxford community was aware of both sides of the story.” 
According to Amnesty International, “opposition figures and journalists remain in danger of arbitrary and impartial prosecution” and Freedom House has said that Rwanda is “not free”.
Carina Tertsakian, a researcher of Rwanda for Human Rights Watch, told Cherwell, “We’re certainly concerned this kind of event gives the impression that everything is alright in Rwanda, and downplays the government’s continuing human rights abuses.”
Yet Kagame’s regime has been praised by some commentators, with Bill Clinton describing him as “one of the greatest leaders of our time.” Rwanda was the first country which wasn’t formerly a British Commonwealth to join the Commonwealth in 2009. Until last year, the UK contributed £21m in development aid to Rwanda annually, and Tony Blair remains an unpaid government advisor.

Cuts protest hits Oxford

Marc Pacitti
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Cuts protest hits Oxford

On Saturday, a protest took place on Broad Street, marking International Worker’s Day. Various groups, including the local Trades Union Council, the National Union of Journalists and the Oxford Communist Corresponding Society, took part in a march, followed by a rally against government cuts to public services.

There was a particular focus on the issues of decreasing NHS funding and proposed privatization, and public sector pay freezes and cuts. The event also addressed the issues of the Trident nuclear deterrent, the Royal Mail, and solidarity between workers in the public and private sectors.

Bill McKeith, Assistant Secretary of the Oxford and District Trades Union Council, considered the protest to have been a success, saying that it was “very rousing, with lots of sympathy from the passers-by.” He also went on to praise speakers such as Joan Stewart, from the Oxfordshire Keep Our NHS Public campaign, Chad Croome, from the Communication Workers Union and Caroline Raine from the Palestine Solidarity Campaign for their contributions to the event.

Lorna Merry, the leader of the Public and Commercial Services Union’s Tax Justice Campaign also spoke about the effects of pay freezes on the real incomes of tax office employees and the effect that this was having on the effectiveness of the system that enforces payment of taxation.

Daniel Turner, the publicity officer for the OULC agreed with the spirit of the protests, saying that “These protests send out a clear message to the Coalition Government that ordinary people recognise austerity isn’t working for them. The government’s economic plan has proved self-
defeating, and commentators from across the political spectrum rally against George Osborne’s intransigence.”

However, not all were impressed by the protest. One student onlooker described the event as “a bit tiny and pathetic”. Henry Tonks, the secretary of OUCA dismissed the content of the protests, claiming that “economic recovery has not proceeded as swiftly as we would have wished. But we were becalmed by neoliberal economics, of the sort once embraced so amorously by the Labour Party, and the Coalition Government has correctly seen that old-fashioned thrift will get the ship of state sailing again. I might add old-fashioned thrift in partnership with much higher taxation on large businesses and on the rich – a soupcon of noblesse oblige.”

Come donate with me

Bethan Tabram
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Come donate with me

Oh, that beautiful Oxford peculiarity: the crew-date. Picture the scene. Twenty or so of you are jammed around a table. Ladies, you’re inevitably sat next to the rugby player who is known as ‘fishy fingers’, smells like he still has his kit on underneath his shiny grey suit and has the utmost conviction that a blow by blow account of the time that he successfully converted a try from over the half-way line is the sure-fire method of getting himself laid.

Chaps, you might have agreed to have dinner with the Oxford Ladies’ Chess Society – surely hilarious irony, you reason. Sadly, you were wrong, and subsequently endure an evening of agonizing awkwardness. All too often at crew-dates, the Chat dies a long, drawnout and painful death.

 This is, of course, before the food even arrives. Delicacies on offer around Oxford’s various crew-dating establishments include anaemic curries, hardened blocks of rice and lone sausages swimming in oily pools of gravy. Fine dining this is not.

 Arguably, the only enjoyable element to the whole bizarre experience is the ‘banter’. Once you’ve been on six or seven crew-dates, you become very hardened to sconces. In the mile high club? Good for you. Sex up a tree? Great. Shat in your college chapel? Try a toilet next time.

It’s safe to say that the novelty of the crewdate can wear off with alarming rapidity. Inexplicably, however, crew-dates have monopolised Oxford communal eating. The notion of a meal, with people you actually like, and where there is no expectation for you to smile sweetly as someone tries to grope you – it seems to send people running for the hills.

Mercifully, we at Students Supporting Street Kids (SSSK) have a solution. We think that dinner parties are the way forward; better still, that they should be done for a worthy cause, for children around the world who need it most.

Why dinner parties? They’re a perfect excuse to both get together with mates and meet new people. They’re an opportunity to showcase your culinary expertise – or lack of – in the comfort of your own home, or substandard Oxford college accommodation. They’re obviously BYOB, so you can get happily boozed, but safe in the knowledge that your bank balance isn’t getting decimated. The list perpetuates.

Indeed, although we advocate dinner parties for charidee, we must concede that dinner parties by themselves are absolutely brilliant. Many declare them simply a staple of middle class life, forgetting that some of the most momentous occasions in history stem from dinner party chat. Jefferson strategically invited Madison and Hamilton to dine with him in 1790; their conversation shaped the formation of the US as we know it today. Surely one of the most sensationalised dinner parties has to be John F. Kennedy’s 45th birthday, where Marilyn’s sultry rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ ensured that her and the President’s dirty little secret became immortalised in popular culture forever more. The influence of the dinner party stretches to the literary world: in 1816 Mary Shelley dined with some friends, and (allegedly with the help of some naughty narcotics) was challenged to produce the most horrifying story she could. She went and wrote Frankenstein – strong effort from her.

We’re not guaranteeing that if you host or attend a dinner party you will rewrite American history, have relations of any sort with the President of the United States or produce a stunning work of literature (although you never know, we’re not ruling it out, either.) What we can guarantee is that you will have a bloody good time.

Since we’ve hammered home the point how great and jubilant an event a dinner party – even better an SSSK one – would be, it’s probably beneficial to give some insight into the charity behind it all. Fundamentally, Students Supporting Street Kids aims to raise awareness about the plight of street children, funding projects that help alleviate the issues affecting them. Significantly, we view street kids as people with potential and something to give, rather than simply victims. Set up by students, it’s an organisation run wholly by volunteers; 100% of the money donated goes to the projects and non-governmental organisations that we work with. The fund-raising we do helps children throughout the world, in Africa, Asia and South America; for us, any young person who is in need of help is eligible for our support. So we really want to get some serious dollar raised and to send it out as soon as possible to children who are really, truly struggling.

Your donations make a tangible difference, as our SSSK Oxford branch head honcho discovered when she went out to see the work being done in Howrah, India, with the street kids. She stayed at the Boys Home, where 40 boys who had been separated from their parents – be that accidentally, or from running away, or from being orphaned – were thriving in the stable, protected environment. She encountered some pretty heart-wrenching stories: one boy’s father murdered his mother, leading to the child’s isolation, his joining of a gang and subsequent solvent addiction.

Sadly, his tale is not abnormal. It’s grim stuff, and its juxtaposition with our musings about dinner parties makes it all the worse. However, the point is this: the money raised from these dinner parties will go directly to alleviating some of the suffering of these street children. It’s definitely worth a shot.

Our proposal is very simple. We want you to get involved: host or attend a dinner party. Get a group of people together; we’ve found twelve hits the spot, but whatever works for you. As students, finding a location for your little soiree can be challenging; a house is obviously ideal, but if you’re in college accommodation, this can be a particular test of your creativity. This, however, should not obstruct the dinner party dream. Push desks together, sweet talk a friend into letting them use their house and that all-important table or even just sit on the floor with cushions.

Now for the critical part: if everyone puts in a tenner, brings their own booze, and you cook a three course meal for less than ten pounds a head, then voila – we have profit for SSSK. Believe it or not, we’ve managed to cook for three pounds a head. Think bruschetta, soup or tapas for starters. For the main course, perhaps big dishes of pasta, homemade burgers and wedges or risottos. Eton mess, brownies or banoffee pie would suffice nicely for puddings. These are merely suggestions that can be made surprisingly on the cheap and with relative ease – but the culinary world is your oyster.

If you need persuading further, take a look at our blog. On it is a handy collection of everything you might need to know to hold the parfait SSSK dinner party. If you’re stuck for what to cook, we’ve put together some quick and easy recipes for even the most incompetent cook. You can browse photos of previous SSSK dinner parties for inspiration about decoration, themes and the like: we’ve found that fairy lights are the key to dinner party ambience. On that note, if you do wine and dine some of your fellow Oxonians, we would be simply delighted if you could send them our way, meaning you can enjoy your fifteen minutes of fame on our blog.

To get the ball rolling, we’re attempting to coordinate a university-wide dinner party extravaganza on Sunday 12th May: we want as many people as possible to be partaking in dinner parties, hopefully with a shed-load of cash being raised for SSSK. If we have even ten dinner parties being held at various colleges throughout Oxford, with maybe £70 of profit being made from each, then that’s an incredibly decent £700 raised in only one night.

For any more information, drop us a line at [email protected], whilst you can see the blog at ssskdinnerparties.tumblr.

Good times for a good cause: join the dinner party revolution today. 

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