Tuesday, May 6, 2025
Blog Page 1523

Not Drowning But Waving

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When people say “beach lifeguard” normally you would think David Hasselhoff or Pamela Anderson in exotic locations like California, Hawaii or Australia. The weather is sunny and the lifeguards are kitted out in designer sunglasses with sun tan to match. To some extent there is truth in this image, but what we don’t see is the difficult training that lifeguards have to go through to deal with the situations that you won’t see on TV, when it all goes wrong.

After several rejected applications I decided the forego the Faustian act (only joking) of trying to get a summer internship in a London bank or legal firm, and opt to do something a bit different with my summer. As a result I have applied to volunteer as a beach lifeguard on the beaches of the North East of England. For those whose only impression of this part of the country is the dreadful “Geordie Shore”, let me assure you that the beaches there are excellent, with sun and surf that in the height of summer can rival that of Newquay. (I also know an excellent cafe which does some epic crab sandwiches, by the way).

To be a beach lifeguard you are required to have an appropriate qualification. The specialised beach lifeguard qualification requires 5 days of training and a day of assessment, carried out (in my case) by the Royal Lifesaving Society. Fitness standards, knowledge of the beach environment, first aid competency and knowledge are required, as well as the skills needed to pluck people out of the water.

I did my qualification last year at the beginning of April. I had to be up every morning for a 8am start. As a history student this came to me as a shock. On my first day we were based solely in the pool and classroom at a local leisure centre. The class based stuff took in all sorts of topics. This ranged from the dull (but necessary) legal aspects of the lifeguarding role, to the more interesting stuff on the beach environment. Tides, to my surprise, are fascinating. Riptides, whereby swimmers can get pulled hundreds of metres out to sea are really scary, so it is very important to recognise where and how they may appear.

First Aid is an important component of the lifeguard’s role. It is necessary for lifeguards to be able to do the standard things such as the recovery position and basic adult CPR. In addition to this you need to know how to perform the procedure on a drowning casualty or on a baby. You might not think it, but performing chest compressions on a first aid dummy every day for 6 days is very tiring. By the end my wrists were really stiff.

CPR is by no means the only part of first aid lifeguards need to be aware of. Knowing how to deal with cuts and bandages are important. Then there is stuff which can only crop up in a beach environment, namely first aid for jellyfish and weever-fish stings. Contrary to what Friends has suggested, it’s not a good idea to urinate on a jellyfish sting, but rather to simply apply some vinegar and cold water.

On to the swimming pool. Lifeguards have to be able to swim 400m in 7.5 minutes and 200m in 3.25. They also need to able to swim 25m underwater. On every day of the course we swam more than kilometre before 10am. This took in some drills to improve swimming technique and make it more efficient for open sea swimming. Drills included trying to swim front-crawl lengths of the pool with your hands as fists, or with your fingers stretched wide, not an easy task. On top of this we had to learn two new special lifesaving strokes, both designed to maximise leg power when your arms are otherwise occupied holding onto an unconscious casualty. For days afterwards my thigh muscles ached like hell.

Getting a casualty out of the water is hard work. When the casualty happens to be conscious the procedure is simple, but you are still required to tow them along through the water with them strapped to your torpedo buoy. For the purposes of assessment, this is 150 metres. Hard work indeed. If the casualty happens to be unconscious, better still, there’s the tricky procedure of turning them over, then getting them back to dry land, all the while, keeping their airway open.

Doing this in the pool was hard enough, but we had to then perform the same tasks in the sea. During my training last year it snowed on several days, and, you guessed it, we still had to go into the sea. Admittedly, some of the stuff on the beach was really good fun. In addition to the timed swim, there is a timed run component. When you are wearing only a wetsuit on a freezing beach near Sunderland, this is very welcome. Lifeguards also have to use arm signals to communicate with one another. Many of us got a good laugh out of this as we were waving our arms around like deranged trees.

Into the sea. This involved applying stuff we had done earlier in the pool. However this time around, it was much harder. This involved battling out beyond the breaking waves, which takes a great deal of resolve and effort. We learnt the hard way that the only way to do this is to dive under the waves (whilst freezing your head off, and getting an ice-cream headache). On some days the waves were so rough, that we had to practice our manoeuvres in the sheltered harbour. Our trainer-assessor reminded us that it would probably be a good idea to drink a bottle of coke afterwards. This is because coke contains chemicals which kill any potentially harmful micro-organisms that might have been inadvertently ingested in the harbour. Nice.

Once we got our practice casualties out of the waves, there was the difficult task of dragging them onto the beach. It sounds easy, but pulling a fully grown man (who for the purposes of training is unconscious) is no easy task. On the sunnier days we got to try manoeuvring a surf board (a useful piece of the lifeguard’s equipment), which was really good fun. I even managed to ride a wave to the shore standing up (before then falling off and causing my fellow lifeguards- in -training to chuckle).

As a result of having to do nearly 2km in the water every day (often carrying a casualty in the process), practising timed runs, carrying heavy equipment, lifting heavy casualties out of the water and performing numerous chest compressions, I got through a heck of a lot of food in one week. This involved eating vast quantities of pasta for lunch and dinner and needing a big cooked breakfast every morning. This marks a change for someone who can comfortably get by on a bowl of muesli, a graze box, some pesto-pasta, a few VKs in Park End and a carton of chips from Ali’s kebab van when in Oxford.

After 6 days, I did my assessment. Of all 6 days the sea was thankfully at its calmest, and everything went according to plan. I came out with a national beach-lifeguard qualification. It was a lot of hard work, indeed, but I gained so much from the experience. It means I can get a very worthwhile summer job, and whilst it is something that “looks good on the old CV”, it means so much more. I had a great time meeting the other people on my course, and the banter we shared was top. It is nice to know that in Oxford if someone falls in the river after one-too-many glasses of Pimms whilst punting next term, I will know what to do. One week of the training really improved my fitness, and boosted my confidence massively, so in spite of all the difficulties, it was a wonderful experience.

 

 

 

Getting to grips with the economic debate

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It’s five years since the financial crisis and we are still talking about the economy. Despite trying very hard at being a proper science, economics is essentially about using narratives to describe events and supporting them with dubious statistics. It is therefore ripe for political manipulation and partisanship.

Changes to the welfare state this week have crystallised the debate between the Coalition and Labour. You’ve heard the arguments already. The Coalition was formed in the national interest to ‘sort out’ the mess left behind by the last Labour administration. In rebuff, the Opposition declaim that the government is cutting ‘too far, too fast’ and that borrowing is essential for the recovery. But who’s right? Despite all the rhetoric and bluster, both sides make coherent cases that can be supported statistically.

Take Labour’s case first. David Cameron has repeatedly said that a country can’t borrow its way out of a debt crisis, appealing to the common-sense household budget where the AAA rating shares drawer space with AAA batteries. But many prominent commentators argue that large deficits explain why the United States emerged from recession in 2010 and has not looked back since.

An IMF report issued last October revealed that its estimates of the fiscal multiplier are much higher than previously thought. They now believe that every £1 reduction in the deficit reduces national income by between 90p and £1.70, because demand in the economy is still less than its potential supply and because worldwide austerity is suppressing global trade. The TUC estimate that deficit reduction has cost the UK £76bn over 5 years, reducing the growth rate by about 1 percentage point.

In the UK, however, the facts do not seem to support this theory. Britain’s fiscal policy, despite all the talk of austerity, has been broadly similar to that in the US if you compare deficits as a proportion of national income over the last 5 years. This is the crux of the issue: Labour imply we should be spending more because our economy was hit worse by the recession; the Coalition argue that the fiscal multipliers just aren’t there.

Their argument is that the country’s continued weak performance is in large part due to recession in the eurozone, with which we trade about 40% of our exports, and the legacy of the permanently impaired financial sector on which we have overly depended since deindustrialisation. We can’t borrow more, they say, because we can’t assume that investors will continue to buy government debt at high prices such that they bear low interest rates. If investors think that the public finances are out of control, they’ll sell government debt, raising interest rates across the economy; which will reduce investment by companies and spending by individuals as loans and mortgages become more expensive. In other words, they imply the fiscal multiplier is effectively negative and will weaken the economy.

The government therefore increasingly talks about ‘winning the global race’. They believe that a sustainable recovery can be delivered only after supply-side reforms are taken that address the fact we struggle to pay our way in the world. These are policies that make a country’s economy more competitive, including reducing taxes and benefits, reforming education and focusing on industries that deliver the most value to the world’s market. Thus we can only reduce the deficit if we become better at producing more stuff rather than just demanding it, and we increase our wages by improving our productivity not by increasing benefits.

Lord Heseltine, the old Tory grandee, was wheeled out to provide some suggestions for how we can become less a nation of shopkeepers and more a land of exporters with high-value service and manufacturing industries. It is commendable that the government will implement most of them but they will take time to be effective.

The source of confusion in the public debate, then, is two seemingly incompatible arguments: demand creates supply in the short-run but supply creates demand in the long-run. Notwithstanding all the braying and carping associated with the political class, they are not worlds apart in ideology. The Coalition accept that the pace of fiscal consolidation should be slowed and Labour embrace the need for supply-side reform.

The benefits debate is used as a faux battleground for the title of fairness, but it is also a microcosm of the wider discussion regarding the juxtaposition between short-term and long-term policy. Should we be transferring income to those most affected by the recession or should we be reforming the welfare state to help make the country more productive and richer? Owen Jones, the socialist polemic, suggests both can be achieved through introducing a living wage.

Jargon buster

AAA rating: A grade assessment by a credit ratings agency of the quality of a debtor and the likelihood of his servicing a debt. AAA is the highest rating and is a factor in determining the price of debt, including government debt.

deficit: The government’s annual borrowing requirement, which is the difference between tax revenue and spending commitments over a financial year.

fiscal policy: The economic policy of HM Treasury, involving taxation and spending.

fiscal multiplier: The ratio of the increase in national income to the increase in government spending. IMF estimate fiscal multipliers to have increased from 0.5 to between 0.9-1.7, indicating a significant role for fiscal policy in downturns. A negative fiscal multiplier implies that government spending harms the economy.

government debt: the total outstanding liabilities (bonds) of the government to investors. A deficit increases government debt.

Interview: Steve Oram

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Alice Lowe and Steve Oram spent seven years developing the script for Sightseers before it was picked up by producer/director Edgar Wright of Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead fame. They then enlisted director Ben Wheatley, whose genre-bending 2011 film Kill List is one of the finest horror films to emerge out of recent British cinema, and Sightseers finally came to life.

The film follows Tina (Lowe), who is whisked away from her home in the West Midlands where she lives with her neurotic mother (Eileen Davies) by her new boyfriend Chris (Oram). They embark on a romantic caravanning trip across the heritage sites of the English countryside, but what begins as the perfect British holiday quickly descends into something much darker, as Chris’s intolerance of litterbugs, noisy teenagers and “Daily-Mail readers” reveals a tendency to murder anyone who threatens the peace of his idealistic escapade. Although Tina is shocked that her lover is a serial killer, she insists that the unexpected turn of events will not ruin their short holiday together. 

An unexpected and critically acclaimed hit during awards season, the film achieves exactly what a self-proclaimed ‘black comedy’ should: it doesn’t deliver a succession of blows which alternate between slapstick hilarity and cheap shock, but instead slips between the genres seamlessly and unpredictably, placing the audience in an unnerving position where we genuinely don’t know whether to laugh or recoil. Although the film has widely (and rightly) been hailed as one of 2012’s funniest pictures – Oram and Lowe’s performances as sightseeing brummies are pitched to comic perfection, and the interplay between the couple has all the warm domestic banality you’d expect – the most striking thing about the film is how genuinely unsettling it is, a dynamic which responses to the film have overlooked. Wheatley’s intense naturalism is almost surreal, and the way the film has been put together is reminiscent of the unconventional editing in Kill List, where the camera cuts away just when scenes seem to be gathering pace, or lingers after logical cut-away beats. The result is a strange rhythm which leaves the audience searching for meaning in places where there is none to be had. Notably eerie yet genuinely heart-warming in places, the complexity of tone in itself makes this film a sight you want to see. 

I spoke to Steve Oram about his experiences making the film.

Congratulations for winning ‘Best British Film’ at the Jameson Empire Awards on Sunday. Have you been surprised by the critical response to the film and how much people have embraced it? 

Very much so, yeah. It’s been a bit of a dream because we went into it with slightly low expectations, what with it being a low-budget British dark comedy. It’s always difficult for films like ours to do well, but it’s been amazing. It’s been embraced by people and we’ve been totally delighted and surprised. We were up against Skyfall and Les Mis for that award and we all kind of thought, ‘There’s no way we’re going to get this.’ So thank-you, Empire readers.  

Where did the idea come from?

It came from a sketch that Alice and I did at a show called ‘Ealing Live’ about seven years ago. It was just us being brummies, big brummies who go to castles and then kill people, and it made us laugh a lot. We kind of made it into a sketch and then those humble origins became the film over a long period of time.

You and Alice Lowe were developing the idea of Sightseers for a long time. Was it difficult to hand over the directing responsibility to somebody else? 

Yeah, it is difficult of course, but it’s a necessary part of the process, and it’s important that we had someone we trusted. We knew Ben [Wheatley] as a friend already: we had worked with him before and we loved Kill List and Down Terrace, so it felt very natural.  During the process he was very true to what we’d written and what we wanted to do, so everything felt very organic, which I think shows in the final product. When you’re with like-minded people it all works out well.

The dialogue feels spontaneous. Was there much improvisation or was it very tightly scripted?

It was tightly scripted, yes, but on the day we’d do one version on script then we’d go off script and do an improvised one. Ben’s great – he just kept saying, ‘Look, we’re in an interesting place, let’s just mess around here, let’s just hang around some standing stones and do a load of weird dialogue and piss around.’ Loads of good stuff came from that which actually made it into the film. So it’s very much a mixture of the two really. I think it’s difficult to improvise without having a tight script in place and a tight idea of what it is you’re doing, otherwise you just end up rambling and talking nonsense – which we’re all very good at. 

Although the film is marketed as a ‘black comedy’, the film is surprisingly moving. Was it always your intention to make the central relationship so ‘romantic’?

Yes, absolutely. It was almost the most important thing when we were making it, because while we knew that our sketch was funny and we could make a funny film that was 15 minutes long, we also knew that in order for the audience to stay with us over an hour they had to engage with the characters. The characters had to be believable and real, and all the work we did was really concentrated on making them weirdly sympathetic. If you were to take the killing away, they’re just a couple on their first holiday arguing a bit and falling out. 

So the characters are very real. Were they based on yourselves?

Well, you know, neither Alice or I are serial killers. We had to do a lot of research to inform that element of the role. To be true to that profile of a serial killer was very important. But there were also elements of our own characters within it, and Alice’s and my dynamic as people very much comes out. We always found that the normality is the interesting thing, really. It’s the truth of serial killers – that they are in many ways, and in many aspects of life, normal and socially adept. They probably do go to Crich Tram Museum and have a look around. They appear to be just like anyone else and that was what we wanted to go for, not to make them horrible, grimacing villains, because that’s not the truth of serial killers.

You mentioned the Crich Tram Museum – did you feel it was important to have these features of the English countryside so prominent in the film?

Absolutely, it was always central to the idea to explore these visiting routes. Lots of our holidays as kids, for both me and Alice, were the ‘British holidays’, and we would go to these places. The film comes from our affection for them and from wanting them to be seen. Also, the fact that Chris visits and cares about these places makes him more sympathetic. My Dad used to take me on holidays like that, and it was he who chose the route. He designed it for a research trip that we did about four years ago when we were writing the film. He picked out all these amazing places and most of them made it into the final film, which was pleasing. 

Do you prefer the writing or the acting? 

Well, in the case of Sightseers they’re almost the same thing because we wrote in a very improvisational way and they’re entwined. I think at heart I’m a writer and that’s sort of what I do and care about. Acting is kind of a bonus, but it is part of it and it’s hard to separate them. 

What advice do you have for people who are interested in scriptwriting, acting or directing for TV and film? 

Just do stuff with your mates and don’t be precious about anything, especially when you’re starting out and you’re young. You’ve just got to mess around. You’ll be amazed if you just stick your videos up on the internet and all that – there’s no excuse now, what with technology. But also, the other piece of advice is to be realistic about whether you have got it, and whether you want to wait twelve years before you actually get anywhere, because that’s what happens. It won’t happen overnight, it just won’t. So you have to ask, ‘Do I want to wait until I’m thirty five before I get anywhere – or maybe I won’t at all’. It’s a real big career to take on – it’s very competitive, much more so now than it has ever been, I think.

What’s your next project going to be? 

I’m working on various scripts and ideas, various film-things that I’m hoping to get made this year. There’s one about a terrible hitman who is totally unsuited for the job. He goes up to Shrewsbury to kill a man and his ‘simple’ brother tags along. It’s a bit like Of Mice and Men but with a kind of dark side. It’s a dark tragedy-comedy. I’ve been enjoying working on it and hopefully it will come out soon. More writing! More films please! That’s what I want to do.

 

Sightseers has now been released on DVD.

Oxford Vice-Chancellor’s pay highest in the UK

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The package, reported in the Times Higher Education Supplement, was decided by the ‘Committee to Review the Salaries of Senior University Officers’. Members include a Non-Executive Director of GlaxoSmithKline PLC, Sir Crispin Davis. 

A university spokesperson said, “Oxford is one of the great universities of the world and makes a major contribution to the economic prosperity of the UK and the UK’s position in the world.” 

“It must remain globally competitive and its Vice-Chancellor’s remuneration needs to reflect that.”

They pointed out that that the package is the same as last year, meaning it is a slight reduction in real terms. Whilst Hamilton’s package has remained the same as last year, on average there was a rise of 2.7% across the country. In his previous role as Provost of Yale, Hamilton earned $442,560. 

Nicola Dandridge, Executive of Universities UK, said, “The salaries Chief University leaders in the UK receive are in line with those in competitor countries and comparable to similarly-sized public and private organizations”.                                                                                                                          

However, some say Vice-Chancellors’ pay is too high, especially when staff have had to face considerable real-term pay cuts.

The Cambridge University Branch of the Unite union sent Sir Leszek Borysiewicz, the Vice-Chancellor of Cambridge University with a salary of £271,000, a letter opining that “it is time that you were made aware of the injustice and inequality of the currently single spine wage structure used by the University”. 

Sally Hunt, Universities and College Union General Secretary, stated, “The lack of self-awareness from university leaders when it comes to their own rewards continues to be an embarrassment for the sector, especially when we consider the recent promises that their pay and perks would be reined in”. 

Some Oxford students have voiced concerns with the sum received by Hamilton. One student said, “Semi-autonomous colleges minimise the role of the Vice-Chancellor in contrast to other Universities so I don’t see how this salary is justified.” 

Oliver Troen, a first year Geographer at St Catz, said “it’s outrageous that they can triple our tuition fees and raise management salaries. There has to be give and take from both sides.” 

“The Vice-Chancellor is paid almost 3 times more than the Prime Minister.  Something’s gone wrong there, surely?” 

Yet a first year Economics and Management student said, ‘If you’ve got a top job, and want a top person, you need to pay a top salary. Simple.’

Grand National Horse-by-Horse Guide

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Ratings Guide:

* It would be more efficient to just bin the money…

** Not worth getting excited about

*** Might get round, might even do well.

**** As good a chance as any, get ‘em while they’re hot!

***** My money is very firmly where my mouth is.

 

1. Imperial Commander – Age: 12 / Weight: 11-10 / Stars: ***

The class horse in the race, Imperial Commander won the Gold Cup back in 2010 and is set to run with less weight than he would usually be expected to carry. However, there have only been nine 12 year old winners of the race since the war and Imperial Commander will have to do a lot to change this.

2. What A Friend – Age: 10 / Weight: 11-9 / Stars: **

Part owned by Sir Alex Ferguson, What A Friend is a top race horse. However, while he has finished third in a Cheltenham Cup his previous runs in the National have been particularly uninspiring.

3. Weird Al – Age: 10 / Weight: 11-8 / Stars: ***

I can already hear the hordes of Alistairs and Alexandras clamouring to throw their money away on a name but fate may just have smiled kindly. Trained by Donald McCain, whose father was responsible for Red Rum’s three victories, Weird Al has bags of class. However, a big weight and his fall in last year’s race could yet hamper his chances.

4. Quel Esprit – Age: 9 / Weight: 11-7 / Stars: **

A Grey – which is nice – Quel Esprit is trained by Willie Mullins whose stable is in top form, and has raced well at Grade 1 level. If he can handle the jumps and his weight (neither of which is guaranteed) he might do better than expected.

5. Big Fella Thanks – Age: 11/ Weight: 11-6/ Stars:  ***

If it is possible to have a ‘guilty pleasure’ in horse racing then this is mine.  A horse who has finished in the top seven in all three nationals that he has run, Big Fella Thanks is about as safe a bet as you can make to finish in the top ten. He might not win, but could be there or thereabouts.

6. Seabass – Age: 10 / Weight:  11-6 / Stars ****

Heavily Backed going into last year’s race Seabass finished 3rd after a good round of jumping. His jockey Katie Walsh achieved the best ever result achieved by a female jockey and is looking to go on to win it this time around.

7. Roberto Goldback – Age: 9 / Weight: 11-6/ Stars: ***

If there was ever a case of an unfortunate victory, then Roberto Goldback’s win at Ascot is it. Bought to be a National Horse, his chances in the race are hampered slightly by the heavier load he will now have to cart around Aintree. However, if the ground stays good he could give punters a real run for their money.

8. Sunnyhill Boy – Age: 10 / Weight: 11-4 / Stars: ****

Coming second in the Grand National’s first ever photo finish last year, Sunnyhill Boy has shown that he liked the course and is looking to do one better. However, he does have to carry 7lb more in a strong field, which could cause problems and champion jockey AP McCoy’s decision to ride Colbert Station instead of Sunnyhill boy could be telling.

9. Ballabriggs – Age: 12 / Weight: 11-4 / Stars: ***

The winner in 2011 and a gallant 6th in 2012, Ballabriggs is a horse for the course. Whether he can repeat his performance of 2011 at the age of 12 is another question. A win for Ballabriggs would be another notch in the Aintree cap of the McCain training dynasty.

10. Teaforthree – Age: 9 / Weight: 11-3 / Stars: *****

Having already won over 4 miles, Teaforthree has plenty of go and – in all likelihood – will keep on going. One of the horses in the field who looks to tick all the boxes of a National Prospect.

11. Across The Bay – Age: 9 / Weight: 11-2 / Stars: ****

Another trained by Donald McCain, Across The Bay has been run mainly over hurdles this season but looks to have been trained specifically for the race. If he can handle his weight then he has every chance of being involved at the finish.

12. Join Together – Age: 8 / Weight: 11-2 / Stars: ***

Runner up at the Becher’s Chase in 2012, Join Together finished well and seems to have plenty of stamina. While he is only 8 he has shown that he relishes the fences. Could be an exciting prospect.

13. Colbert Station – Age: 9 / Weight: 11-1 / Stars ****

Winning half his races this season, the only negative to place behind Colbert Station is that he has only run 5 times over fences. If he takes to the course though, he looks like he will be in real contention. The chosen mount of champion jockey AP McCoy, so there’s at least one other person who thinks he’s got a real shot at the big one.

14. Forpaddydeplasterer – Age: 11/ Weight: 11-0 / Stars **

Normally runs over shorter distances and will do well to finish let alone win. There are better horses, with less weight and bigger chances.

15. On His Own – Age: 9 / Weight: 11-0 / Stars *****

Trained By Willie Mullins, who is in a rich vein of form. Mullins left Cheltenham as the festivals top trainer of 2013. The horse ran is last years National and looked to be going well before falling on the second circuit. Has a huge chance this year.

16. Joncol – Age: 10 / Weight: 10-13 / Stars *

Has won big races in the past but this year’s National looks a step too far. If he performs to his best though, there is nothing to say he couldn’t spring a surprise.

17. Balthazar King – Age: 9 / Weight: 10-12 / Stars: ****

A very good jumper, with a solid record in the races that he has run in this year. He has been run primarily over cross-country events and looks every inch a contender this year.

18: Cappa Bleu – Age: 11 / Weight: 10-11 / Stars *****

After his fast-finishing 4th place last year, Cappa Bleu is my pick of the bunch. He is trained by Evan Williams, who was responsible for State of Play’s remarkable record in the race (placed three times out of four) and there is every reason to suggest that Cappa Bleu will reproduce his form of last year.

19. Oscar Time – Age: 12 / Weight: 10-11 / Stars ***

Runner up in 2011, he will be partnered by amateur jockey Sam Whaley-Cohen. Oscar Time is well weighted but might be a little too old to repeat his feat of two years ago.

20. Always Waining – Age: 12 / Weight: 10-10 / Stars: **

Aimed specifically at the National this year, his connections – like most cult leaders – have a faith that I simply do not share.

21. Tatenen – Age: 9 / Weight; 10-10 / Stars **

If he had some proven stamina over three miles, Tatenen would be a definite contender for the race. Having said that, he doesn’t and fell in last year’s running. It could happen… but probably won’t.

22.  Treacle – Age: 12 / Weight: 10-09 / Stars *

Fell last year after a pretty haphazard attempt at the course. Has been aimed at the race, however, all being said and done that means very little.

23. Lost Glory – Age: 8 / Weight: 10-8 / Stars **

Bred in New Zealand, which means almost nothing outside of rugby. Sadly, without an oval ball in sight, Lost Glory doesn’t look like he’s going to change this.

24. Swing Bill – Age: 12 / Weight: 10-08 / Stars *

A bold-jumping grey, Swing Bill came home a gallant 10th last year. He will be easy to spot in the field, but that is just about all he’s got going for him this year.

25. Saint Are – Age: 7 / Weight: 10-08 / Stars **

Has done well at Aintree before but never over the big fences. You have to go back before the war to find a seven year old who has won the race and you’re money would probably be safer in Cyprus.

26. Chicago Grey – Age: 10 / Weight: 10-07 / Stars: *****

Very well handicapped, Chicago Grey looked to be in great shape when brought down last year. Having not had a grey winner since 1951, we could be on for a run of two in a row. Huzzah.

27. Quiscover Fontaine – Age: 9 / Weight: 10-07 / Stars ***

Fell at the 17th last year when going well. There is no guarantee that he would have stayed the distance but if you’re feeling brave, his odds look pretty handy.

28. Rare Bob – Age: 11 / Weight: 10-06 / Stars ****

Another who was unlucky to be brought down last year. Rare Bob looks as well placed as any to make amends come Saturday. Certainly worth consideration.

29. The Rainbow Hunter – Age: 9 / Weight: 10-06 / Stars **

Definitely an outsider, but could spring a surprise. That being said, it would be a surprise and The Rainbow Hunter will have to improve a lot to beat all the horses around him.

30. Becauseicouldn’tsee – Age: 10 / Weight: 10-06 / Stars: *

Trying the same things over and over again, expecting different results is one of the first signs of insanity. The horse has been run in the last two editions of the National and has made very little impact. Your call.

31. Harry The Viking – Age: 8 / Weight: 10-06 / Stars ***

Runner up to Teaforthree at Cheltenham in 2012, Harry The Viking should get the distance well. He is Sir Alex Ferguson’s best chance at glory in the race but will need to improve if the United boss is to get his hands on one of the very few major trophies that still evades him.

32. Mr Moonshine – Age: 9 / Weight: 10-05 / Stars **

Will do well to stay in contention and needs a lot to go his way if he is to come in ahead of all the other horses in the race. That being said, he is running in very fetching silks. A win for fashion if nothing else.

33. Mumbles Head – Age: 12 / Weight: 10-04 / Stars *

I can count the reasons to bet on Mumbles Head using all of France’s 2013 Six Nations’ victories. For those of you who need to be reminded, that is a grand total of Zilch.

34. Ninetieth Minute – Age: 10 / Weight: 10-03 / Stars **

I can already see gleeful journalist conjouring up awful, football related, puns in the hope that this outsider romps to victory. I’ll need some extra-time to come up with my own though.

35. Auroras Encore – Age: 11 / Weight: 10-03 / Stars ***

Runner up in the 2012 Scottish National so Auroras Encore has definitely got stamina. If he can manage the fences then he could be one of the outsiders to watch.

36. Tarquinius – Age: 10 / Weight: 10-02 / Stars *

Has been aimed at the Grand National, but much like North Korea’s war-talk, this is probably ill-considered.

37. Any Currency – Age: 10 / Weight: 10-00 / Stars ***

Usually runs well and is rarely out of the frame. While there are better horses in the race, his low weight could work in his favour.

38. Major Malarkey – Age: 10 / Weight: 9-13 / Stars *

Another horse carrying very little weight. This gives him an advantage over his rivals but will it be enough? To be in contention, he will need a lot of  things to go his way.

39. Soll – Age: 8 / Weight: 9-12 / Stars **

Won well last time out and has been treated kindly by the handicapper. Will need to improve, but if having watched enough YouTube I can attest that many more bizarre things happen on a daily basis. Mostly involving cats.

40 Viking Blond – Age: 8 / Weight: 9-11 / Stars **

He fell at the first last year and can only do better this time around. That being said, this doesn’t mean all that much

Reserves:

Pentific – Age: 10 / Weight: 9-08 / Stars *

Mortimers – Age: 12 / Weight: 9-06 / Stars *

Review: George Catlin’s American Indian Portraits

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George Catlin was born in Pennsylvania in 1796, just as the world of the American Indian was being irreversibly transformed.

A visionary and entrepreneur, the sense of showmanship and spectacle comes through in the exoticism of Catlin’s portraits. The exhibition holds more than fifty, all of prominent American Indian Chiefs, fur traders and villagers. During his time spent painting and collecting artefacts in America, Catlin created an ‘Indian Gallery’, which he took with him to show across all of Europe and America. This is the first time since the 1850s travelling exhibitions that they have been shown collectively outside the United States. In 1839, Catlin’s collection amassed nearly 500 objects and portraits, yet he was bankrupted and forced to sell his ‘Indian Gallery’ to pay his creditors. He even sold two grizzly bears to London Zoo in 1840 after his travelling show had failed to attract enough visitors. The Gallery was later bequeathed to the Smithsonian where it has remained, until this selection was chosen for exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery.

During Catlin’s five journeys to the United States in the 1830s, his practice was to paint on site, sketching and showing his subjects their portraits.  Although some of the portraits are unfinished and have rushed brush strokes, owing to the haste with which Catlin painted, the subjects override the occasional dearth of technical skill. Catlin truly captures the considered expressions of his subjects, obviously aware of how acculturation was altering their society. A particularly interesting portrait documents the change of one Wi-Jun-Jon after his first visit to Western America. His profile is depicted in traditional dress, including the Mandan shirt, one of which is exhibited alongside the portraits. The other half of the painting depicts him with his back facing the audience; he is shown fully ‘westernised’. He wears a full suit, top hat and holds a fan, illustrating how all aspects of culture and custom were to be affected with the arrival of the West.

The portrait of La-Doo-Ke-A or Buffalo Bull is also notable for its influence in the later legend of Buffalo Bill. A Grand Pawnee Warrior, he sits with arrow in hand and the Buffalo horns across his chest. The portraits display the colourful ornamentation and ceremony of American Indian tradition in a manner that only a great showman could do justice to.   

Catlin’s work, as he intended, captures an important moment in world history. Many of the people depicted in his portraits would soon be affected by catastrophic smallpox outbreaks, but their memory lives in the ethnography of Catlin’s collection. The vibrancy of the American Indian people is caught in the russet ochre and burnt reds of the portraits, which remain to be a colourfully historical tribute to their subjects.             

Covered Market thief dies in hospital

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At 9 o’clock on the 30th of March, two men were seen walking through the Covered Market in motorcycle helmets and pushing a motorbike. They are said to have been armed with a pickaxe. Police received a phone call from the jeweller at around 9.15 to report the robbery. 

Whilst the thieves failed to retrieve anything from the jeweller, one of the thieves was detained by a member of the public as they tried to make their escape. The man, who was treated on the scene by members of the South Central Ambulance Service was rushed to the John Radcliffe hospital, where he died on Sunday. He was later identified as Clint Townsend, aged 33.

A post mortem is scheduled in order to determine cause of death but it is believed that the man suffered a cardiac arrest at the scene. 

The other thief left the Market and disposed of the helmet in Blue Boar Street before boarding a bus. According to the police he got off the bus somewhere in the Clarendon area. He was described as being white and wearing a black and white t-shirt and blue jeans.

Police have confirmed that the motorbike used during the robbery, a green Kawasaki ZX600 was stolen from an address in Botley Road on the previous Wednesday.

Two men aged 31 and 32 were arrested by the police on suspicion of robbery,  but have since been released on bail.

Unconfirmed reports have suggested that a smoke grenade was used by the thieves but failed to detonate.

Esther Hodges, a first year student at Keble commented that “you just don’t expect it, it happens in Morse but that is about it. It’s good to get a reminder of the real world problems that are out there, especiallywhen exams are coming up – revision is put into perspective by this incident”.

Aditya Pandey a classicist at Somerville was blunter, telling Cherwell that while “maybe crime doesn’t pay, Oxford’s  reputation as a safe town, devoid of crime seems to be breaking down.”

Det Supt Chris Ward who is leading the investigation said: “I am asking anyone who has any information, no matter how insignificant they believe it to be, to get in touch.

“I would like to reassure residents that I have a team of detectives working on this investigation to ensure that we catch whoever is responsible and I urge anyone who might have been in the area of the Covered Market and seen any suspicious activity, to contact the police immediately.”

Employees at the John Gowing jeweller declined to comment.

How to Win (money) on Grand National Day

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The Grand National is rumbling its inexorable way towards us and with it comes the sound of pounding hoofs, pounding hearts and frustrated punters whose wallets, more often than not, have suffered a similar fate. 

It is the one day of the year when you would be concerned if you didn’t see your granny coming out of the bookies, gleefully clutching the slip that might just fund an all-inclusive trip around the archipelago. With higher odds than any other horse race in the world, making the most of this annual bonanza is not only sensible but practically an obligation. Pick a horse, watch the race, rake in the cash and celebrate wildly, while gloating shamelessly to your friends and family who weren’t quite so on the ball.

However, with 40 runners and no guarantee that any one horse will get round the National really can feel like a lottery. Often, plumping for the horse that shares your name, carries your lucky number or happens to occupy the square of the racing post where you stuck your fate-instructed pin can seem as good a way as any to pick the winner.

Looking at colours is by far the most popular selection criteria for small children and a distressing number of the general adult population. However, for those of you who  – along with your penchant for obscure herbal remedies – look for pretty patterns in the pretty patterned silks worn by the jockeys, it is worth noting that, since 2000, only four horses have won the grand national without carrying some green. If this isn’t concrete statistical data then I don’t know what is. 

“Utter Bollocks!” I hear you cry and you would not be wrong. Fear not though, after literally years of (I am assured) mindless obsession, I come to you with a guide to pick a horse, which will carry your hopes and dreams all the way to the finish and hopefully, all the way to the pub. Where you end up after that is very much your own concern.

I will save you the chore of rattling through an analysis of key statistical trends but since 2000, grand national winners have all fallen within most (if not all) of the following categories and they are worth taking into consideration.

1. Age – Pick a horse aged between 9 and 11. This is when horses are at their peak. Seven of the last eight winners have been 9 or 10.

2. Weight – Four and a bit miles, as anyone who has run cross country at school will tell you is a bloody long way.  However the effect that weight has on a horse’s chances depends on the ground.

– If the ground is soft, it is harder to run on and jumping takes more energy. Consequently try and pick a horse who is carrying less than 11st 1lb.

– However, as the last three Grand Nationals have shown us, weight is less of an issue if the ground is good (drier.) If the ground is good, set the upper weight limit to 11st 5lb.

3. Your horse should have run at least 8 times over fences. National fences are colossal and an inexperienced horse can get spooked.

4. Because the fences are monumental, it is worth looking for a horse with a good jumping record. Go for a horse that hasn’t fallen more than once in his career. Watch out for horses with too many “P” marks on their race-card as this shows that they have been stopped mid-race because they didn’t fancy it.

5. A horse that has run and run well in races over 3 miles long. The Grand National is a test of stamina. If a horse doesn’t have it, it won’t get the distance and will not win.

6. Don’t pick a horse that has run at Cheltenham. IF they’ve been at the festival the chances are that they were trained to peak at the festival and won’t run as well.

7. A Grand National winning horse will have an official BHA handicap rating of 140 + 

Applying these stats whittles down the field and leaves you with the much more manageable task of picking from a closer to 10 than 40.

The Horses who best fit this selection criteria are:

On His Own, Seabass, Cappa Bleu, Colbert Station, Sunnyhill Boy, Teaforthree, Chicago Grey, Balthazar King, Rare Bob and Across The Bay

Notable Others:

Ballabriggs, Join Together and Imperial Commander

My tips for the 2013 Grand National are: Cappa Bleu, Across the Bay and Teaforthree while I wouldn’t be surprised if Ballabriggs also grabbed himself a place.

The East London Group: Artists Worth Remembering

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“Were they Frenchmen and, preferably, dead,” the works of the East London Group artists would “already command high prices”. This was the verdict of one contemporary critic on the group’s 1930 show at the Alex, Reid and Lefevre Gallery.

These East London artists – working class men whose only artistic training had been evening classes in Bow under an ambitious Yorkshireman, John Cooper – enjoyed a string of successful exhibitions at the Lefevre before the Second World War. They had previously exhibited at the Whitechapel, of which one critic wrote, “the excellence, good taste and originality of the work… would easily hold its own by comparison with many seen in our West-end galleries.” By 1936 two of the group reached the summit of exhibitions: the Venice Biennale.

Despite the enthusiasm of contemporaries and the quality of their output, today this group is barely remembered. They suffered the double blow of war and the demise of their leader and teacher Cooper, who died of encephalomyelitis in 1943. Cohesive continuation proved impossible, although individual members carried on painting.

But a hefty new book, and accompanying exhibition of several of their extant works, may do something to reverse this trend. From Bow to Biennale: Artists of the East London Group, written by David Buckman, has been extensively researched, (the credits run to several pages) and was done so in the nick of time. Buckman began work in the late eighties, and managed to meet and interview several artists involved with the group, most of whom died in the mid-nineties. The result is something both academic and entertaining; much of the work is focussed on establishing the facts, but it is brought to life by the opinions and memories of those the author managed to track down.

From Bow to Biennale is lavishly illustrated, too. Much of the East London Group’s output was rooted in the everyday experiences of the artists. Particularly stunning is Bow Road (1931) by Elwin Hawthorne (or, Elwin Hawthorn; the “e” was a mistake introduced in a catalogue of the first Lefevre show). The scene is, at first glance, quite tedious: a few people stand around on a grey street, one of whom seems to wait for a bus. Yet Hawthorne introduces a sense of mystery. The shadows are long, and the outermost branches of the trees appear as thin as spiders’ webs. One cannot help wonder why there are so few people on what appears to be a main road, and why everything is so desolate. And this was painted well before the notion of nuclear holocaust was conceivable.

But their output was not restricted to scenes of East London. There are pictures of Brighton and Ilfracombe. Nor did they just paint. Their lithographs were used for Shell adverts, and Cooper produced a number of mosaics. The artists were of humble backgrounds, but their work was far from parochial.

The exhibition at the Abbott and Holder gallery celebrates the publication of the book. Buckman talked of how difficult it had been even to assemble the paintings that they had, and of how, given the productivity of the group, there must be tens of works by the East London Group lying forgotten in attics and under beds – so it might be worth getting round to that spring clean.

From Bow to Biennale: Artists of the East London Group, by David Blackman, is published by Francis Boutle. The accompanying exhibition takes place until 6th April at Abbott and Holder, 30 Museum Street, London WC1A 1LH.

Review: Doctor Who

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Doctor Who’s return in ‘The Bells of St John’ was a funny mishmash of an episode, that welcomed (well, sort of) a new companion with what seemed like a rehash of several episodes from the last few seasons. We had a monster consuming people through new technology (as in ‘The Idiot’s Lantern’), spinning head robots (as in ‘The Beast Below’), and the Doctor using a robot to act as himself (mirroring The Tesseract). More generally, the style of the episode was very reminiscent of series four’s first episode (in which humans are converted into walking fat). The list goes on, and this level of recycling came across as a little odd in my book though almost certainly unintentional, it made the episode one of the weaker openings since Steven Moffat took over the franchise; even though I didn’t like ‘Asylum of the Daleks’ all that much, it had a bit of originality to it.

The episode saw the Doctor trying to track down his sort-of companion from the Christmas special, Clara, who is also both a futuristic Butlins redcoat-Dalek and a Victorian governess. Sort of. Her importance and mystery was front and centre, but it’s hard to fully engage with such a similar storyline to that of River Song, and it doesn’t feel like Clara’s been around long enough for us to get on board with the Doctor’s obsession. Also, given that he hadn’t really met Clara before, the amount of physical contact he made with her was genuinely slightly uncomfortable – I mean, he stroked her hair a lot. I’ve never been more aware that the Doctor is supposed to be a 1,000-year old alien, and that the women he picks up are generally in their twenties. 

Clara certainly seems a lot less insufferable than her Oswin persona last year (I was concerned we might end up with a Jar Jar kind of scenario), but it’s early days. Certainly, I would say that it’s becoming harder and harder for the companions to seem distinct from one another as the series goes on. The recent backlash against Doctor Who’s treatment of women has been slightly blown out of proportion I think (especially the online arguments about Amy changing her surname), but as time and actors move on it is becoming clear that female characters do come across as less developed than their male counterparts in the series. Compared with characters like Rory or Captain Jack who really brought something different to the TARDIS crew, it feels that the primary companion role is in danger of becoming generic. Admittedly it is part of the structure of the show to have a character acting as a surrogate for the audience, but Doctor Who should be capable of meeting higher expectations. Amy Pond, for example, really did seem quite different to her predecessors.

It wasn’t a bad start to this run by any means it looked great, some of the ideas were pretty cool and a motorbike charge up The Shard will always get my vote. But fundamentally it just didn’t seem particularly original, and the ‘modern technology is trying to kill us’ trope has been done to death (in Who and elsewhere). Still, while Clara may never eclipse Amy, I’m willing to give her the chance over a series that includes a long-overdue journey through the TARDIS and a Cyberman episode written by Neil Gaiman. 

Oh, but please stop doing the ‘Doctor Who?’ question. It was never funny or deep, but now it’s starting to grate.

3 stars