Saturday, May 17, 2025
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Review: What is love anyway?

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Richard Herring has always been audacious. At this year’s fringe festival he even cheekily used his blog to call himself ‘the King of Edinburgh’ and encourage his followers –now presumably courtiers – to do likewise. That’s a dangerous act in a city full of jealous comedians who may hear the headline without seeing the original tongue-in-cheek post.

Herring’s 2011 show ‘What is love anyway?’ starts a little more conservatively by comparison. Whilst his bold assertion that he is out to destroy love appears provocative, the comedic style he employs will be reliably familiar to any fans: the cunning use of gradations of logic carefully built up to arrive at seemingly horrendous and controversial conclusions, a kind of reductio ad absurdum. In this fashion he attempts to convince us that mothers are in fact whores for loving their offspring and that it is more noble to love another’s child…but not in that way. So far, so Herring.

The show really gathers pace when Herring begins to deal with his own love life, particularly a pair of routines about the perils of dating a woman whom he had previously graphically fantasised about on 90s TV show Fist of Fun, and a Valentine’s Day gift gone wrong. The latter, a perfect showcase for Herring’s style and ample talent, involves a central conceit about geometric progressions that he draws out skilfully. It’s hilarious, and tackles the etiquette of gifts to one’s love with a surprising tenderness along with some faux-vitriol.

It’s this tenderness that elevates the evening’s conclusion, and it is here that Herring demonstrates true audacity. As he talks about his 99 year-old grandmother, an Alzheimer’s sufferer, the laughs ebb away. Essentially a living eulogy for a woman who is dying ‘the slow death’, it is incredibly moving and tear-inducing. And here lies the courage of the man. As it approaches five minutes since the last laughter, there is a real nervousness in the room, a doubt as to whether the comedy can be regained. Or, worse, that any attempt might feel tasteless after such a heartfelt performance. The fear is entirely unwarranted, with the eventual punch line proving masterful and winning deserved applause. It’s an overused word, but that moment is one of pure catharsis. Life’s inherent tragedy is laid bare for the audience but Herring uses great presence and skill in convincing us to laugh boldly at it all. It’s exhilarating and a demonstration of the potency of comedy.

It doesn’t matter that this show doesn’t have quite as many belly laughs as his previous outing ‘Christ on a Bike’. With ‘What is love anyway?’, Richard Herring ultimately eschews the cynicism of its opening section and instead weaves a powerful, life-affirming salute to love. Now that’s bravery.

5 stars / 10/10

Notting Hill Carnival

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Oxford schools top the league tables

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Oxfordshire hosts a large proportion of the highest achieving schools in the country, recent GCSE and A-level results have revealed. Oxford High School GDST achieved the best A-level results for a girls’ school with all pupils attaining five good passes and almost 93% of entries being awarded the top two grades.  Magdalen College School also headed league tables as the top independent school in the country both for A levels and GCSEs. At A level, 70 out of 90 candidates acheived all As or A*s and at GCSE level  99.5% of all grades achieved were A or A* with 35% of their entrants receiving 10 or more A*s in total.

Some schools in Oxford can attribute their success directly to the influence of, and close ties to, the University of Oxford. Dr Tim Hands, Master of Magdalen College School, told Cherwell, “MCS has a unique foundation in that William Waynflete wanted to create a university school, a college and a school as a unique integrated whole, enabling each to gain from the others.”

In their Lower Sixth year at Magdalen College School, pupils research and write a dissertation on a topic of their choice under guidance from academics outside the school, many of them members of the University. Dr Hands claims, “Our latest A-Level results bear witness to the fruits of this project.”

Oxford’s state secondary schools also attained better GCSE results than the national average. For example, at Cherwell School 28% of entries achieved an A or A* and the Matthew Arnold School gained 31% A or A* grades compared to the national average of only 23%.

At Oxford Spires Academy, which recently replaced the Oxford Community School to serve some of Oxford’s poorer areas including Blackbird Leys, 100% of pupils gained at least one GCSE and 63% achieved at least five at grades A* to C. The Headmistress, Susan Croft, commented, “Students and staff have worked hard to achieve these results and I am pleased with the outcome – these results are well deserved by all.  We are set on an upwards trajectory of success.”

The only Oxford school whose results haven’t been announced is the three-year-old Oxford Academy which has asked for dozens of papers to be remarked after the headmaster, Mike Reading, said he was “disappointed”.

The South-East as a whole was, as usual, the highest achieving area. Brian Lightman, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders has tried to explain this pattern, saying, “The highest paid jobs are in London and the South East. Many high-flying and ambitious people who have a tradition of education in their families will relocate here.” This is clearly especially true in Oxford with its high proportion of professors and their families living and going to school in the area. The same is true in Cambridge although the other place seems not to have done quite as well in last week’s GCSE results with its highest achieving school, The Perse School, gaining 11% fewer A and A* grades than Magdalen College School.

The mess at the heart of higher education

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Every year sees the ritual repeat itself. Thousands of teenagers receive their A level results in August, with the obligatory photos of young, attractive (and probably posh) girls leaping in the air at what are undoubtedly a clutch of A and A* grades. Meanwhile, the curmudgeons all line up to complain about how it was much easier in their day, and how all young people are brainless hoodies who don’t deserve anything. It is undoubtedly true that more pupils are getting As than ever before. What is also true is that ever rising grades are symptomatic of the rat race that the further and higher education system has become.

The Government has told universities that, from next year, they must cut by 8% the number of places available to students achieving less than two As and a B, whilst being able to offer an unlimited places to those achieving AAB or better. The thinktank The Higher Education Institute has argued that this will damage social mobility because a disproportionate number of students achieving AAB or better come from private schools. What makes this even less fair is that studies have shown that a student from a state school achieving BBB in their A levels gets on average an equivalent final university grade to someone from a private or grammar school background gaining AAB. This pressure from government removes the capacity of universities to take into account things like educational background and solidifies the distortions in A level results that exist between the state and private sector as equally talented state school students find places available to them cut.

A similar alarming trend is the fact that private schools, despite educating only 6.5% of children in the country, get 30% of the A* grades awarded at A level. Since an A* grade is fast becoming a ticket to elite university entrance (Cambridge, UCL, Imperial, but thankfully not Oxford) it seems that the educational apartheid that exists in the secondary school system is to be further replicated in our universities.

At the other end of the scale, the absence of real alternatives to a university degree as a means of social advancement is disadvantaging those who are not academically suited to a degree course, but would benefit more from vocational work. For years students were fed the message that you needed a degree to get on in life, and my (comprehensive) school frequently cited the average graduate lifetime earnings premium to us (an average which hides how graduates from certain universities and courses earned far more than others, and which is likely to be collapsing as more and more students go to university). Barely any provision was made for those who didn’t want to go to university in terms of career advice. Apprenticeships are massively oversubscribed, BT has 100 applicants for every place and Network Rail had 8000 applicants for a mere 200 places. That many of the apprenticeship schemes are little more than excuses for bosses to hire cheap labour doesn’t help matters, and probably goes towards explaining the 65% retention rate for apprenticeships as a whole. Surrounded by an unemployment rate of nearly a million for those aged 16-24 (i.e. 20% of the total), it’s unsurprising that opportunities for young people remain bleak. The logical response for them appears to be to go to university and hope that something comes their way later. Hence this year we had 673,570 applicants competing for 479,000 university places, and 185,000 students who didn’t make their offers fighting for 29,000 places through clearing. Successive governments have failed to offer real opportunities to young people.

What then, is the solution? Firstly, the government must properly fund apprenticeship schemes, ban employers from paying apprentices less than the minimum wage, and create a legal obligation for employers to provide apprentices with meaningful work and a pathway to full time employment. It must send a signal that the implicit hierarchy which places university graduates as necessarily superior to non-graduates is a false one, and simply results in graduates doing jobs which do not require a degree, as well as devaluing those whose talents are primarily practical and vocational rather than academic. Those who are academically able ought to be encouraged, and the government must stop idolising elite universities as the be all and end all of education. Plans to cut places for those getting less than AAB should be scrapped. Universities need to acknowledge that A level grades are not necessarily entirely accurate reflections of talent, and that state school pupils with lower grades can equal or even outperform their privately educated peers at university. The current system is essentially one of winner takes all, with all the perks for the attendees of elite universities and schools, while everyone else fights over fewer places, fewer resources and fewer opportunities.

The Transfer Window Verdict – Good, Bad or Ugly?

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£485,000,000. This is the staggering estimated outlay spent by Barclays Premier League clubs on players over the summer. It was a Transfer Window which saw many headlines written with both Manchester clubs significantly strengthening, Kenny Dalglish begin his revolution with his new-look Liverpool side, the most protracted transfer saga in English football history surrounding Arsenal come to an end, André Villas-Boas bring in young blood to rejuvenate an ageing Chelsea side and Queens Park Rangers drafting in no fewer than twelve newcomers to Loftus Road.

 

Arsenal

Are Mikel Arteta and Yossi Benayoun really adequate replacements for Cesc Fàbregas and Samir Nasri? In one word: no. Yes both are creative, possess excellent vision and have Barclays Premier League experience however they are injury-prone. Wenger should have been bold and landed Scott Parker for a bargain £6,000,000. Germany international Per Mertesacker will bring some much needed cover in defence however doubts will remain over his pace and ability to adapt to the English game. Bolton Wanderers’ Gary Cahill was there for the taking.

Best Bit of Business: Mikel Arteta (Everton)

A Sad Goodbye: Cesc Fàbregas (FC Barcelona)

 

Aston Villa

The departures of Stewart Downing and Ashley Young were expected and McLeish has bought an excellent replacement in the shape of Charles N’Zogbia. Yes he is a volatile figure but on his day he can really torment defences with his pace and energy. Goalkeeper Shay Given’s arrival from Manchester City for the Tottenham Hotspur signing Brad Friedel could be one of the buys of the summer. Inexpensive and with plenty of experience, how Arsenal could have done with a keeper of his experience.

Best Bit of Business: Shay Given (Manchester City)

A Sad Goodbye: Ashley Young (Manchester United)

 

Blackburn Rovers

The signing of defender Scott Dann is another contender for signing of the summer. Dann was terrific at Birmingham City last season and manager Steve Kean knows him well from his time at Coventry City. Keeping hold of Captain Christopher Samba will feel like a new signing and will sure up a leaky defence. However, scoring goals could still remain a real problem for the Lancashire club. Yakubu’s arrival from Everton will be a boost but doubts remain over his form and fitness.

Best Bit of Business: Scott Dann (Birmingham City)

A Sad Goodbye: Phil Jones (Manchester United)

 

Bolton Wanderers

He could leave in the January Transfer Window or indeed next summer on a free transfer but the highly coveted central defender Gary Cahill remains a Trotters player and that is something which is sure to bring delight to both fans and manager Owen Coyle alike. Tuncay’s signing on loan from VFL Wolfsburg and David Ngog’s arrival from Liverpool will make up for the loss of Johan Elmander who was getting into his stride at the end of last season at The Reebok Stadium.

Best Bit of Business: Nigel Reo-Coker (Aston Villa)

A Sad Goodbye: Johan Elmander (Galatasary)

 

Chelsea

The André Villas-Boas revolution isn’t quite in full swing yet but it’s gathering momentum. Young blood is being brought in to freshen up the Chelsea squad. Belgian striker Romelu Lukaku, very much in the mould of Didier Drogba, looks at terrific buy from Anderlecht whilst Juan Mata’s capture from Valencia CF will bring much needed innovation and industry to the Chelsea midfield. Expect The Blues to continue their pursuit of Tottenham Hotspur midfield wizard Luka Modrić after they failed in a Deadline Day £40,000,000 bid.

Best Bit of Business: Juan Mata (Valencia CF)

A Sad Goodbye: Yossi Benayoun (Arsenal)

 

Everton

Oh to be an Everton fan! No money in the coffers at Goodison Park and manager David Moyes working on a sell-to-buy budget. The loss of creative maestro Mikel Arteta will hurt however all is by no means lost. Hope lies in the form of the fantastic prospect Ross Barkley who has already made a wonderful impression in the early stages of this season and Jack Rodwell in the heart of the Everton midfield. Keep an eye on the highly rated Dutch left-winger Royston Drenthe.

Best Bit of Business: Royston Drenthe (Real Madrid)

A Sad Goodbye: Mikel Arteta (Arsenal)

 

Fulham

Manager Martin Jol has used his Dutch connections extremely well, following his spell as head coach at Ajax, to land the highly-rated Costa Rican striker Bryan Ruiz from FC Twente. The tall, athletic striker has developed a terrific reputation in the Dutch Eredevisie and will form a potent attack alongside Bobby Zamora or Belgian Moussa Dembélé. Also nice to see John Arne Riise back in England’s top flight bombing down the left-hand flank. He’ll bring experience, consistency and the odd crackerjack of a goal.

Best Bit of Business: Bryan Ruiz (FC Twente)

A Sad Goodbye: John Pantsil (Leicester City)

 

Liverpool

The King Kenny revolution is underway at Anfield. It has been all change with over £60,000,000 worth of talent being brought in. Stewart Downing’s arrival from Aston Villa and José Enrique’s from Newcastle United could finally be the solution to The Reds long-term problem down their left hand side. The surprise return of Craig Bellamy from Manchester City will add further firepower upfront whilst former Blackpool star Charlie Adam will add creativity in central midfield. Raul Meireles departure is perhaps somewhat of a strange decision.

Best Bit of Business: José Enrique (Newcastle United)

A Sad Goodbye: Raul Meireles (Chelsea)

 

Manchester City

City have once again bought big – Does this mean a genuine bid at the title? They have a vast array of attacking options, further boosted by the arrival of Argentinean marksman Sergio Agüero. Add to that the staying put of Carlos Tévez, Edin Džeko hitting form and Samir Nasri’s ingenuity in midfield alongside the terrific David Silva. Owen Hargreaves’s deal came out of the blue but it may prove a shrewd signing by manager Roberto Mancini providing the defensive midfielder can remain fit.

Best Bit of Business: Sergio Agüero (Atlético de Madrid)

A Sad Goodbye: Craig Bellamy (Liverpool)

 

Manchester United

Sir Alex Ferguson is building another Manchester United team and this one could prove to be the best of them all. Winger Ashley Young has already demonstrated to be an excellent acquisition from Aston Villa, brining pace, trickery and plenty of invention to a free-flowing Manchester United side. Phil Jones has slotted in comfortably at centre-back however questions remain over whether young goalkeeper David de Gea can fill Edwin Van der Sar’s gloves – only time will tell and that’s exactly what he needs.

Best Bit of Business: Ashley Young (Aston Villa)

A Sad Goodbye: Owen Hargreaves (Manchester City)

 

Newcastle United

£56,000,000 brought in and £12,000,000 spent – Where has all the money gone? The departure of Captain Kevin Nolan back into the Npower Championship was a real surprise along with Joey Barton’s move to newly-promoted Queens Park Rangers. French has certainly been the flavour of the summer with five new arrivals having French connections. Full-back Davide Santon from Internazionale is full of potential and comes highly recommended by José Mourinho. Despite several bids, manager Alan Pardew failed to bring in another striker.

Best Bit of Business: Yohan Cabaye (LOSC Lille Métropole)

A Sad Goodbye: Kevin Nolan (West Ham United)

 

Norwich City

The Canaries manager Paul Lambert acted very swiftly in getting all of his work done in the early stages of the Transfer Window thus avoiding panic later on. He has very much put his faith in lower-league experience by signing the like of influential midfielder Bradley Johnson from Leeds United and Welsh international striker Steve Morison from Millwall however former Everton striker James Vaughan and Manchester United loanee, centre-back Ritchie De Laet, will bring Barclays Premier League experience, albeit not in great bundles.

Best Bit of Business: Bradley Johnson (Leeds United)

A Sad Goodbye: Cody Macdonald (Coventry City)

 

Queens Park Rangers

The name Tony Fernandes, the clubs new chairman, will be on the lips of every Queens Park Rangers fan. After a long and drawn out ownership dispute, Fernandes provided manager Neil Warnock with much needed funds to strengthen his side and he has done just that. Joey Barton’s capture from Newcastle United is an unexpected coup for the club and he’ll add some steely determination in midfield alongside creative midfielder Adel Taarabt. Add to that the arrival of Manchester City winger Shaun Wright-Phillips.

Best Bit of Business: Joey Barton (Newcastle United)

A Sad Goodbye: Kaspars Gorkss (Reading)

 

Stoke City

A busy Deadline Day for The Potters saw them break their transfer record fee with the arrival of striker Peter Crouch from Tottenham Hotspur. He brings with him both Abby Clancy and of course a good goalscoring record in domestic, European and international football. Honduran Wilson Palacios will add bite in the midfield whilst the arrival of defenders Matthew Upson and Jonathan Woodgate, incidentally both on free transfers, are terrific buys. Both manager Tony Pulis and club alike really are going places.

Best Bit of Business: Peter Crouch (Tottenham Hotspur)

A Sad Goodbye: Abdoulaye Faye (West Ham United)

 

Sunderland

Following the departures of Darren Bent in January and Jordan Henderson in the summer to Aston Villa and Liverpool respectively, a real overhaul of players has taken place at The Stadium of Light with manager Steve Bruce as busy as ever in the Transfer Window. The arrival of young striking sensation Connor Wickham from Ipswich Town will be a boost however the free signings of midfielders Sebastian Larsson, who Bruce had with him whilst manager at Birmingham City, and David Vaughan from Blackpool, which really standout.

Best Bit of Business: David Vaughan (Blackpool)

A Sad Goodbye: Jordan Henderson (Liverpool)

 

Swansea City

The Swans have played it safe in the Transfer Market with Brendan Rodgers very much keep faith with the squad which won promotion from the Npower Championship last season via the play-offs. A lot of expectation will be placed on the shoulders of record signing striker Danny Graham from Watford to see if he has what it takes to fire in the goals at the top level. Goalkeeper Michel Vorm looks like an excellent replacement for his Dutch compatriot Dorus de Vries.

Best Bit of Business: Michel Vorm (FC Utrecht)

A Sad Goodbye: Dorus de Vries (Wolverhampton Wanderers)

 

Tottenham Hotspur

There we were all waiting for another Harry Redknapp surprise in the Transfer Window but unfortunately it just didn’t happen. Much of the summer was overshadowed by the Luka Modrić transfer saga however Redknapp and chairman Daniel Levy’s defiance in keeping the Croatian paid off. Missing out on top target Gary Cahill is a blow but that’s placated by the arrivals of midfielder Scott Parker and striker Emmanuel Adebayor on a season long loan from West Ham United and Manchester City respectively.

Best Bit of Business: Scott Parker (West Ham United)

A Sad Goodbye: Peter Crouch (Stoke City)

 

West Bromwich Albion

Ever the shrewd man, Albion’s manager Roy Hodgson has bought well for The Baggies. The arrival of Republic of Ireland striker Shane Long represents a terrific deal and a strike partnership between Long and Peter Odemwingie, who put pen to paper by signing a new contract at The Hawthorns, looks to be an exciting one. Goalkeeper Ben Foster, who comes in on loan from Birmingham City with a view to a permanent deal, again gets a chance to prove himself at the highest level.

Best Bit of Business: Shane Long (Reading)

A Sad Goodbye: Borja Valero (Villarreal)

 

Wigan Athletic

Despite the loss of the real creative spark in the team, Charles N’Zogbia, manager Roberto Martinez has emerged from the Transfer Window still with his highly-rated midfielder James McCarthy and Colombian striker Hugo Rodallega. Converting goalkeeper Ali Al-Habsi’s loan into a permanent deal was important whilst creative midfielder Shaun Maloney’s arrival at the DW Stadium for his second spell in the Barclays Premier League from Celtic will provide The Latics with further attacking options. However, they still do look lightweight in the defensive department.

Best Bit of Business: Shaun Maloney (Celtic)

A Sad Goodbye: Charles N’Zogbia (Aston Villa)

 

Wolverhampton Wanderers

Strength in depth is what manager Mick McCarthy wanted in his squad for this season and that is exactly what he’s got. The signing of central defender Roger Johnson from Birmingham City is an excellent move by the former Republic of Ireland manager. Johnson will bring both leadership and calmness to, what was last season, a very shaky defence. Jamie O’Hara will pull the creative strings in midfield whilst the early signs are good with regards to the form of striker Steven Fletcher.

Best Bit of Business: Roger Johnson (Birmingham City)

A Sad Goodbye: Marcus Hahnemann (Free Agent)

 

So are you an enraged Evertonian? A grateful Gooner? Or a smiling Stoke City fan? What are your thoughts on your club’s wheeling and dealing in the summer Transfer Window?

Twitter: @aleksklosok

Oxford breaks ground in sickle cell diagnosis

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A new blood test is being developed by researchers in Oxford and Cambridge that could help identify babies at risk of a severe form of sickle cell disease. For the first time, it offers the chance to begin immediate and intensive treatment where necessary at an early stage.

Sickle cell disease is the UK’s most common severe genetic disorder, affecting over 12 000 people. While symptoms usually start early – in babies between six to nine months old – the most reliable diagnostic tests currently available are complicated and expensive. Crucially, none of the existing tests show how severe the baby’s illness is likely to be.

Dr John Gibson, the project leader from the University of Cambridge, commented, “Babies who are at risk of the most severe symptoms, who might benefit greatly from early and intensive treatment, cannot be easily identified before they become poorly.”

The aim of this project is to perfect the diagnostic test, so it can be used routinely at the bedside.”

The test works by detecting abnormal red blood cells carried by babies with sickle cell disease. “It involves mixing a blood sample with a special sugar solution in low oxygen. Red blood cells from a baby who has sickle cell disease burst in the liquid, which becomes pink,” said Dr Gibson.

Children with sickle cell disease have an increased chance of infections and anaemia, which can be life threatening. They are also at risk of complications including organ failure, strokes and leg ulcers, and have a shorter life expectancy.

Dr Alexandra Dedman, Senior Research Evaluation Manager, at Action Medical Research said, “The researchers are hoping the new test could be simpler, cheaper and easy to distribute.’

More children in developing countries might therefore have access to testing – in some parts of Africa the disease is particularly common, with up to one in 60 babies being affected.”

The Book of Boredom

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David Foster Wallace, the verbally hyperactive postmodern prophet-wunderkind of the nineties and noughties, died in 2008 at the age of 46 with two novels, three volumes of short stories, and two essay collections to his name. The Pale King, his last novel, cobbled together from notes by Wallace’s widow and editor, was posthumously published this past April to great media attention in the literary sector. The concept – a novel about IRS agents and boredom – did not promise bestsellerdom; but Wallace is a cult writer, especially with students. Especially now that he’s stopped writing.

It almost makes more sense to discuss The Pale King as an artefact, rather than literature. Not only is it a novel by someone widely regarded as a ‘genius’ (whatever that is), but it’s the last, unfinished (but how unfinished?) novel of a genius who committed suicide. It could have been a second Confederacy of Dunces, and earned Wallace the Pulitzer- John Kennedy Toole, the author, committed suicide before his manuscript was even published, and it’s only thanks to the efforts of his mother that he won the highest literary award America offers (Oprah Bookclub Choice notwithstanding).

Wallace’s vision for The Pale King can be summarized in material taken from his notes: ‘It turns out that bliss – a second-by-second joy + gratitude at the gift of being alive, conscious – lies on the other side of crushing, crushing boredom. Pay close attention to the most tedious thing you can find (tax returns, televised golf), and, in wave, a boredom like you’ve never known will wash over you and just about kill you. Ride these out, and it’s like…Constant bliss in every atom.’

The novel is a fragmented collection of the experiences of several oddball characters who work at the Peoria IRS processing centre in 1985. These characters are oddballs because they are a) tax agents, b) Midwestern Americans (having lived in the Midwest for four years, I can attest to the bizarre reality of living there and encountering the inhabitants), and c) creations of David Foster Wallace. These are characters which, the novel tells us through the partial narration of a character, David Wallace, are heroes because ‘Enduring tedium over real time in a confined space is what real courage is.’ These accountants are our heroes because they do a thankless task that we’ll never recognize or be interested in, ‘…The quiet, precise, judicious exercise of probity and care.’

This intriguing idea is submerged in a novel which forces the reader to practice the same heroic, precise kind of attention. Moments of revelation are hidden on the other side of a world of tax law, practice, sums, and hierarchies, petty rivalries, characters who levitate, who chew the fat, who sweat obscene amounts, who are Evangelical Christians, who make themselves disappear, who are pathologically nice.

I once heard Alain de Botton criticize contemporary fiction for ignoring what most people spend most of their week doing – working. Though David Foster Wallace is no proponent of relentlessly realistic fiction – his fiction is frequently realistically absurd – he defies popular fiction’s demarcation of what is interesting, and tries to interest his attention-deficient reader in work, in routine, boredom and concentration. While I admit I found my own attention straying at times, I wonder if this might be structurally intentional. Also, who knows what The Pale King could have been had it been finished? It can’t compare to the acrobatics and energy of Wallace’s second novel, Infinite Jest. But, then again, perhaps that’s the point.

A guide to summer reading

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It’s the day after results day. Hungover, covered in unidentifiable bruises and somebody else’s vomit, you trudge downstairs and, to your delight, discover that the elves of Oxford have already delivered your Freshers’ pack (by owl?!) to your doorstep. Filled with naive excitement, you read everything from electrical regulations to stupid second-year in-jokes with equal attention. But beneath the pieces of brightly coloured paper and jolly pictures lurks something badly photocopied, shoddily formatted, and not fun to read. Your First Reading List.

If, holidaying in Europe or hiding under the stairs, you have not yet confronted this document, let me enlighten you. The list will, like all the worst things in this world, be long, difficult, time-consuming, and potentially very expensive. Even English students, supposedly safe in the knowledge that they will spend their degrees reading ‘stories’, will baulk at the fact that most of these ‘stories’ are written in a fake-sounding combination of Anglo-Saxon and French and the rest are set in a time when nobody had sex and authors were obsessively preoccupied with the goings-on of old people in provincial towns.

But fear not. For while there are few tricks to get round this scary institution of Oxford life, what tricks there are I have laid out below.

1. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, when you arrive in October there will be people who have read more than you, and people who have read less. There will be people who say they have read everything Tolstoy ever wrote, but who have in fact spent the summer reading ‘One Day’ over and over again, sobbing convulsively into their pillows. There will also be people who don’t appear to know how to read at all and who only got in because they are magic. Don’t let any of these people put you off. Ignore them.

2. IF YOU ARE A SCIENTIST, a quick glance at the list- or the fact that you don’t have one at all- will show you how lucky you are. Anything that says ‘may benefit from reading’ or ‘we suggest for those who are interested’ means you don’t have to read it. Enjoy it while it lasts- once term starts, you will be spending four hundred hours a week doing stupid experiments while arts students are asleep, drunk, or watching boxsets of Peep Show. Second years I’ve spoken to do say it’s a good idea to refresh your misty memories of the chemistry/maths you’re already supposed to know to prevent embarrassment when you’re asked to draw a line with a ruler in first week and can’t remember what a line is.

3. IF YOU ARE AN ARTS STUDENT, the bad news is that you are going to have to read something. But that’s what you signed up for, right? The unfortunate truth is that during term time, you don’t have a lot of time for reading- with an essay a week on up to three primary texts, you don’t have time to read both primary and background material in just a few days alongside your hectic schedule of iPlayer and clubbing. A good rule of thumb for the summer is to try and tackle your novels/plays/poetry for Languages, cases for Law, and background reading for History subjects. The idea is that, on seeing your topic for that week’s essay, you don’t have to Wikipedia it on Monday for a tutorial on Friday. Having the background knowledge beforehand helps enormously.

4. DON’T rush out and buy everything on the list. Using the criteria above, work out what you actually need to have copies of yourself- usually, primary texts/novels, and maybe one background/overview book. Look on Abebooks and Amazon marketplace, because believe me, nobody wants to hold onto these things when they’ve finished studying them and secondhand copies are cheap. As an added bonus, these volumes will probably be studded with inane annotations in the margins, such as ‘I agree!’ or ‘THIS IS BOLLOCKS’. A lot of stuff is also available online: check googlebooks, and have a look at the Oxford library system’s ebooks and journals. And don’t forget that in the Oxford libraries, they have all the books in the world. Even Twilight.

5. CHECK whether the list is for first term or the whole year. We have crazily long holidays because of the emphasis on holiday preparation- so don’t bother reading anything for second or third term this summer, as you’ll have loads of time in December before everyone else gets back from normal universities, and you’ll have forgotten it all by April anyway.

6. BE SENSIBLE. I know Oxford Admissions don’t exactly focus on taking people full of common sense- the cleverest person in college is always that girl who doesn’t know how to make a slice of bread or how to brush her own hair – but by reading the list carefully, it is usually quite obvious what you need to have read. Look at the major topic for each week and give yourself enough grounding to know roughly what the title of the essay means. Beyond that, you can bluff and waffle yourself through most tutorials.

Just don’t be that guy who asks why George Eliot is in drag in his portrait, or the girl who interrupts a first-week Law lecture to ask what those numbers next to the books on her summer reading list were (they’re page numbers, buddy). Because in front of your world-renowned tutor, or three hundred undergrads braying for blood, the last thing you want to look like is stupid.

From Europe with Love: Part One

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The interrail trip began when I met five other Pembrokians at Victoria coach station late on Saturday evening, the weather hot and close. Each of us was laden with a seemingly endless number of bags, yet we were all feeling somewhat unprepared for the three and a half weeks of travel around Europe stretching ahead. Our planned loop around the continent is incredible; so it was an anticipation that was mixed with trepidation that I felt seeing the night coach which awaited us.

Blissfully ignorant of the realities of night travel, I´d been told nothing short of horror stories from sadistic friends in the days before our departure, and none of us were disappointed. After an hour of erratic air conditioning and what seemed like arbitrary turning on and off of the halogen lights on the coach by the driver, it was clear that sleep was going to have to wait until we reached the Paris hotel. However, no matter how tired and sweltering we were upon arrival at Paris Gallieni coach station on Sunday morning, there´s always an inescapable buzz about stepping into a new city, even more so in the French capital which has always held a particular magic for me. After the immense relief of being allowed to leave baggage at our accommodation before check-in, we set off into the sunrise (it still being horrendously early in the morning) to explore some of the city.

We picked up a pack of 30 metro tickets to share between us at the nearest station to our hotel, situated at the edge of the Latin Quarter, a fantastic price for two days of easy travel around the city. Not only does the Paris Metro feel cleaner, airier and more charming than the London Underground (think Art Deco Metropolitan Signs straight from Amélie), but it seems to make access to anywhere in the centre of the city effortless- a good move, then, for the slightly hapless student traveller! Our first stop for the day was to Montmartre, home to the Sacré Coeur Cathedral and a priceless view of the city from the hill, as well as, of course, an array of extortionately-priced eating places. We made the most of all of these, starting with a much needed crepe breakfast after the night journey, to gazing in awe at the spread of the capital underneath us- I´d recommend the view from Montmartre to anyone.

Our day continued with our check-in to the hotel (a compact and cosy place hidden in one of the tall streets, like many in Paris), and a shower, potentially the best part of the trip so far. Despite the luxury of warm weather, especially after the dismal summer that the UK has suffered this year, by midday the humidity was unbearable- especially after a night spent on a boiling night coach. After a quick lunch, though, we were refreshed, ready to take on the Montparnasse Tower, which we´d already booked (with the help of clubcard points: a really good way to save on the visit!). The tower is one of the tallest buildings in Paris, a wince-inducing height above you, but is advertised as the best view of the city, and definitely lives up to this accolade. 200m high, we were greeted with a phenomenal expanse of the capital, including the Eiffel Tower distantly below us. This is a real find for taking in the sights of Paris, and as yet fairly off the beaten track. We stayed to watch the sun set and the city lights turn on as night fell: such an amazing experience, if slightly surreal to see all of the landmarks from such a height.

Our evening consisted of eating steak and burgers in a grill restaurant- french steak-frites is incomparable! There´s also a special feel to Paris at night, especially in the Montparnasse district which is fairly far from the main tourist routes. Every café or restaurant had exterior seating, with large crowds even on a Sunday evening enjoying the summer weather with drinks and cigarettes. It´s such a relaxing experience to be part of this nightlife. Retiring to our hotel, we cracked into a final astounding find of the day: sparkling wine for 1.34€ a bottle. Needless to say, that was a terrible idea!

Monday was much cooler, allowing us to take in the Louvre museum leisurely, despite learning the fact that it would take a month to get through everything if you were to spend a minute on each work of art! Nevertheless, seeing some of the world-famous works of art at the museum is exciting, even if you start to lose the ability to take in what you´re seeing after half an hour or so! The Italian painting exhibit proving the most memorable, and La Joconde, as the Mona Lisa is called in France, is proudly on display, but it was surrounded by a mass of other tourists taking photos: almost like the paparazzi around a film premier, and, as many people have warned me, the picture was ever so slightly underwhelming.

Our final activity in Paris was a Seine River Cruise, also paid for by the clubcard of the generous parents of one of the friends travelling with me. The boat tour is unmissable, despite the irritating commentary on everything that the boat passes, and was such a relaxing way to take in some of the best buildings that Paris had to offer. The Cathedrale Notre-Dame was one of the highlights of the cruise, the motion of which becoming highly soporific towards the end!

It was sad, then, as we left the centre of Paris for la Gare d´Austerlitz: four of us arriving to board the night train to Madrid, the other half of our party heading on to Rome, to meet us again in Florence at the weekend. I was vaguely optimistic about the train, which promised a bed rather than the fixed seats of the night bus, and it transpired to be a comfortable cabin (not quite the budget travel option, though, which is frustrating to say the least!). Whether the rocking of the train was caused by the tracks or the time that we spent in the cabin bar is difficult to say, but the 15 hour journey sped past rapidly, and actually allowed a good night´s sleep. Waking up to a vista of Spanish countryside speeding by is quite an experience, and the night train felt like the beginning of the interrail experience proper.

Madrid is what I expected it to be: hot. It´s a compact and bright city, with a relaxed feel so different from Paris: it´s really not the tourist centre of Spain in the same way the french capital is to France, which is so liberating. Moreover, the hostel from which I´m writing, Las Musas Residence, is comfortable and friendly for a cut price: finding places like this really makes the whole European travel experience, and it´s clear why people choose to Interrail! The heat of the city makes lounging around midday essential and sightseeing impossible: the Retiro Park, complete with a lake and lots of shade, was the perfect place to snooze the afternoon away. The week ahead is looking good, too, with Toledo tomorrow and a brief sojourn in Barcelona on Thursday, before we move on to Italy on Friday: but until then, tapas and the nightlife of Madrid it is.

Review: Jonquil — Mexico

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‘It’s much more focussed on making straight ahead pop songs,’ Hugo Manuel of Oxford-based four piece Jonquil told me at this year’s Field Day festival as we discussed the band’s upcoming, and as yet untitled, album. Not that this was a surprise to hear. Ever since their earliest incarnation rooted in the folk revival of the mid-naughties, Jonquil have been tracing a steady arc away from the abstract meanderings of their first releases towards the more streamlined sounds of Vampire Weekend’s sunny Afro-pop. This musical evolution culminated in 2010’s mini-album, One Hundred Suns, which, to these ears, stood out as one of the most effortlessly contagious records of that year.

Soaring gloriously between dizzying highs and lows accompanied only by a lone keyboard, Hugo’s vocal melody that opens Mexico, the first single to be released from Jonquil’s upcoming album, certainly would not feel out of place on One Hundred Suns. A vocalist of significant talent, Hugo’s delivery is reminiscent of Panda Bear’s in its purity but muscular in a way that distinguishes him from that artist’s swathes of imitators and as Mexico gains momentum his voice is enveloped in a sparkling mix of jangling guitars, horns and keyboards. This is the same restrained sonic palette used to such effect by the band on One Hundred Suns but on Mexico the African tinge of that album has given way to a more Western melodic and rhythmic sensibility. Whilst not a bad move per se, there is a nagging feeling that Mexico lacks some of the mystery, the intangibility, that made tracks like It Never Rains and Get Up so exhilarating. That being said, though, the wordless backing vocals that chatter on the periphery of the track, calling to mind Sung Tongs-era Animal Collective or Sigur Rós’s Gobbledigook, make for a welcome addition to Jonquil’s sound and Mexico’s seemingly endless stream of gorgeous hooks is ultimately undeniable.

Of all the brilliant music being made in Oxford today, be it the fidgety indie of Spring Offensive or the warped neo-soul of Pet Moon, Jonquil’s rush of unpretentious warmth and melody remains perhaps the most affecting. From its opening keyboard stabs to the swirling instrumental that closes out the song, Mexico sees Jonquil continuing on their quest for pop purity and, whilst there may have been casualties along the way, I dare you not to have a smile on your face by the end of its four minutes.