Boris (and his bikes) will no longer be welcome at St John’s after the JCR passed a motion condemning the London mayor for publicly insulting the college President Sir Michael Scholar.

The ‘Boris is a berk’ motion, which passed almost unanimously, comes in the wake of Mr Johnson’s negative comments about Sir Michael, which culminated in him being branded a “Labour stooge”.

Sir Michael, the current chair of the UK Statistics Authority, was criticised after he wrote a letter complaining about Mr Johnson’s “misleading” use of statistics when giving evidence to a commons committee about the success of a government initiative to cut crime.

Upset at this treatment of their President, the JCR voted through a motion which showed their disapproval of Boris and vowed to take action against him.

The motion resolved upon a variety of actions against the mayor. After stating that “Sir Michael is awesome” and “Boris is a fool”, it pledged to “Ban Boris from the JCR”, “Mandate the JCR President to write a letter to Boris informing him of our displeasure and declaring our support for Sir Michael, so long as this does not conflict with our charitable status”, “Print a photo of Boris for fixing to the dart board in the games room” and “Mandate the Bike Rep to never use a ‘Boris bike’”.

It also promised to “give a round of applause to Sir Michael for attempting to keep our politicians honest”.

Edward Peveler, who proposed the motion, told Cherwell, “I think that the main motivation for passing the motion was the fact that Boris was really quite rude to a man who was simply attempting to do his job”.

He continued in support of Sir Michael, saying that he “commands great affection amongst the students of St John’s. He is kind, always prepared to talk, and, on a slightly more political note, is always very fair with the JCR. I merely wished for the JCR to show a bit of support for our president, who I believe is doing a fantastically good, very important job for the country”.

JCR President David Messling agreed, saying, “The motion was light-hearted but heartfelt. St John’s students were dismayed to see our President unfairly and rudely criticised, and we wished to express our support to the the President, and our disappointment to Boris”.

The motion did made some more serious points in defence of Sir Michael Scholar, noting that he was “Private Secretary to Margaret Thatcher, so was not Labour when involved in party politics, and as Chair of an independent government organisation holds no party allegiance”.

The JCR are not the only ones to have come out in support of Sir Michael. Ben Goldacre, author of ‘Bad Science’ has written an article stating that Sir Michael Scholar is “pretty unfuckable with”.

An editorial in the Guardian entitled “In praise of … Sir Michael Scholar” was written to “salute the public service ethos that he represents – an ethos concerned not with flattering politicians, but with forcing them to face the facts”.

Stephen Dempsey, President of Balliol’s JCR, of which Boris Johnson is an alumnus, said, “The JCR has no plan to discuss Boris Johnson’s comments or to respond directly to St John’s motion. Nevertheless, Boris will always be welcome to return to Balliol JCR as all alumni are and we hope this will not cause offence to St John’s”.

Dempsey added his personal opinion, “I think we should support Boris as one of our current high-flying alumni and that, if he is a ‘berk’, we should commend him for accomplishing so much with such a burden. Besides, not being allowed into St John’s doesn’t seem that much of an ordeal if your alma mater is Balliol…”

Asked what impact he hoped the motion would have, Peveler was quick to respond that he didn’t think there was “ever the hope that we would achieve any real impact…it was just a bit of fun for our last meeting as a committee. It was never intended to be fractious”.

He did, however, add, “If Boris were to hear of this and subsequently apologise to Sir Michael for calling him a “stooge”, that would be a good result”.

Professor Stephen Harrison, now Fellow and Tutor in Latin at Corpus Christi College, taught Boris Johnson when the latter was a Classics undergraduate at Balliol. Harrison commented, ‘Boris was an able student of Latin at Balliol  if a little disorganised. Since Oxford he has been a loyal supporter of campaigns to defend the study of classics in schools and universities (including state schools). I’m not aware of the detailed reasons for his banning by St John’s JCR, but it seems a little extreme from the outside.’

Cherwell contacted Sir Michael Scholar to ask him about his reaction to the JCR’s show of support. He did not comment on the resolutions against Boris Johnson, but said that he was “pleased to hear of the round of applause”.

In response to Sir Michael’s initial criticism, a spokesperson for the Mayor of London commented, ‘If he’s genuinely concerned about statistical integrity, he would surely seek a meeting with the Mayor to engage constructively on a solution, not use the media to try to embarrass him.’

In response to the ‘Boris is a berk’ motion, Boris Johnson himself simply said to Cherwell, ‪’Why would anyone want to go to St John’s when Balliol is so close?’

A  wave of Pottermania has struck Oxford, with the first intercollegiate Quidditch match being played, and the relaunching of the university-wide Harry Potter society.

Worcester hosted the ‘Muggle Quidditch match’ against Teddy Hall last week. This version of Quidditch, played without the use of magic, consists of two teams, each with eight players, running with broomsticks between their legs and trying to score points by throwing balls through vertical hoops positioned at each end of the pitch.

As in the magical version, the match is ended when the seeker from either team catches the snitch. The snitch, which in JK Rowling’s books is a small flying golden ball with pop-out wings, was represented by a player dressed in gold with a tennis ball inside a sock tucked into their waistband.

The organiser of the match, Worcester student Angus Barry, commented, “I formed the Worcester Quidditch team a couple of weeks ago and it was much easier to persuade people to join than I expected!” When explaining the lack of ‘real’ broomsticks, Barry commented, “We choose not to fly, not because we can’t, but because Muggles come to watch the matches and you can’t use magic in front of Muggles.”

He added, “The atmosphere of the game was surprisingly competitive, but I don’t think anyone was too concerned with which team won in the end. The audience grew as people in Worcester saw the first couple of matches out of their window and came down to watch.“

The cheering was always loudest when there was a broomstick pile-up (Quidditch is a contact sport and it can be difficult to keep your balance when you’re running with the broomstick).”

Georgia Rought-Whitta, one of Worcester’s star chasers, commented, “I thought the match was excellent: despite narrowly losing to Teddy Hall our team spirit was amazing and now we know which areas to work on in training for the next match.”

She added, “Running with a broom between your legs was surprisingly easy, though I think adding more bristles to the broom will improve our balance on sharp turns. The game is quite physical and possibly a bit violent when team spirits are high – but it’s great fun!”    

Ysabel Bisnath, who played for Worcester as a snitch, seeker and beater, also noted, “we’re not a Harry Potter fan club and this isn’t meant to be a borderline-obsessive tribute to the series: we decided that it would be a fun game in its own right.”

Meanwhile, the university-wide Harry Potter society has been resurrected this week. The first meeting was held at Queen’s on Wednesday. Suggestions for events that were raised in the meeting included a Yule Ball, trips to locations from the films, cooking sessions using recipes mentioned in the books, and a sorting ceremony. 

Hanna Sundahl, the Queen’s fresher who set up the society, said, “As long as we have a collection of people who are passionate about the ‘story of our generation’ then it’ll be really fun no matter how many people turn up.”

Corpus Christi College was in mourning this week as popular JCR Presidential Candidate Jeremy the Plant was found murdered.

There has been speculation and concern that a small area of woodland scrub in West Oxford is being used for mysterious voodoo rituals. In the last week, a strange make-shift shrine has been constructed at the site.

Cherwell observed two mutilated teddy bears hanging from trees, bound in pieces of plastic with their mouths sellotaped and their eyes crossed out.The ostensible ‘offerings’ were accompanied by children’s shoes, which were wedged onto the spikes of the railings around the land. Multi-coloured paint was splattered in the area, and there were numerous strips of plastic bags tied to tree branches like flags.

The construction workers at the site stated that they had no knowledge of the origins of these mysterious objects, nor had they heard of any voodoo cult in the area. The land, which is located on Osney Lane, is reportedly going to be developed into student housing.

Lady Magaret Hall student Joel Scott-Halkes witnessed an altercation between council planning officers, real estate developers and local residents at the site, earlier in the week. He said that people living in houses adjacent to the land were “very troubled” by recent occurrences in the area.“Many spoke of a cult or gang in the local area,” he said.

He added, ‘Some were convinced that local youths had been breaking in to the land in order to hold voodoo style rituals and one couple spoke of seeing moving lights in the land earlier this week.”

When spoken to by Cherwell, however, one local resident gave the opinion that the strange litter was a protest against a local school’s request for planning permission to build some accommodation. A previous proposal had been rejected a couple of months ago but those concerned are eager to get the plans back on the table despite locals complaints that the proposed accommodation will be too high.  

A street cleaner claimed that he had dismantled the first set of ‘offerings’ when it originally appeared, only for new flags and “voodoo dolls” to turn up overnight.

Joel Scott-Halkes described the appearance of the original shrine, saying, “The railings fencing off the land were covered with what can only be described as hundreds of primitive prayer flags and sacrificial offerings like those found in the Pitt Rivers Museum, except these were made of modern day materials – pieces of children’s toys, strips of plastic, clothes, some candles and so on – all inscribed with a kind of nonsensical language with ‘holy’, ‘prayer’ and ‘sacrifice’ written over and over.”

He commented that it was “unsettling” and added that “whatever this cult thing is, it seems to still be active.”

Cherwell spoke to local residents, who described the shrine as “creepy.” They were unclear, however, whether this was an elaborate hoax, or something rather more sinister.

Oxford County Council were unable to shed any further light on the matter.

A Cherwell investigation has discovered vast discrepancies in the academic and non-academic awards available at different colleges, as well as some surprising criteria for prizes.

Although many colleges, including Pembroke and New, offer no book grant for undergraduates, some are extremely generous.

Christ Church offers £210 for books over the course of a student’s degree, while St John’s currently offer £248 a year for “books, materials, and other items of an academic nature”, including “portable or hand-held computing devices, computer software or memory/hard-disk up-grades”.

Students at other colleges have expressed their dissatisfaction that they do not have access to similar funds. Sam Evans, an English second year at St Hugh’s, commented, “Whilst I appreciate Oxford University has 184 libraries throughout the city, I still feel a bibliophilic yearning to own a copy of every book I ever read and am profoundly disappointed that the college will not financially support my desire to do so.”

However, St Hugh’s JCR President elect, Sara Polakova argued, “We have a phenomenal library with significant financial support as it is , and I think renovations of areas of college are much more urgent than investing in book grants. Unfortunately, we are not in the position of St John’s where we could have both.”

There is also a large disparity between financial support available for travel at different colleges. A number of colleges have considerable funds for both academic and leisure travel.Particularly for classics students, travel abroad is often paid for by generous benefactors. Trinity has a Lingen Fund “for students studying Classics to go abroad to research” and Christ Church has two J.L Field Exhibitions worth £250 for classicists “for the purpose of travel abroad”.

James Norman, a classicist at Brasenose, which gives preference from its travel fund to students doing classics going to the Mediterranean, argued that the system of college grants is fair.“I think college based grants are probably better than University based because I’d imagine the need can be assessed better if the tutors personally know the student, whilst faculty based ones have the greater risk of people just using it for a free holiday.”

However, another classicist disagreed, saying, “I think it would be fairer for stuff like this to go through the faculty to eliminate the vast discrepancies that currently exist in the amount of money and therefore opportunities for exciting and degree-relevant travel between people at richer or poorer colleges. I went on an archaeological trip to Greece in the summer and got £200 from college, but another girl on the same trip, worth around £1000, had the whole thing paid for by her Cambridge college and got £400 spending money!”

St Catz has a wide range of travel grants, which are “primarily for enterprising and interesting travel projects rather than for study.” These include the Wallace Watson Award, which grants up to £2,000 to students “to undertake an expedition or travel of a challenging nature in a mountainous and/or remote region anywhere in the world”.

Elsewhere, Christ Church has a prize of up to £1,500 for travel “for academic or cultural purposes in Europe, Asia, North Africa or South America”. St Anne’s has a total of £12,417 per annum for travel purposes, while St Hilda’s has comparatively smaller funds, with just £4,500 per annum available.One St Hilda’s student told Cherwell, “Although St Hilda’s simply doesn’t have as much money as some other colleges, there are certainly travel, sport and book grants available, as well as some fairly substantial hardship funds, all of which are fairly easy to access.“

Sadly, students at colleges with smaller endowments will have less college funding available to them. Perhaps this means that there will be less financial opportunities available to certain members of the university. However, even if this is the case, funding at Oxford generally is still far better than funding at many other universities.”

Students at Jesus have access to the P.W. Dodd Fund, which is usually worth £250 and allows students to travel, with the condition that the trip is not related to their degree subject. The college website states, “The purpose of the Dodd Fund is to assist undergraduates to benefit from the experience of foreign travel for non-academic purposes during vacations”.

Zo Uffindell, a third year geographer at Jesus, said, “In my first year, I went to Copenhagen for the COP15 conference as part of the Tearfund delegation. Money from the Dodd Fund enabled me to do this without worrying about the cost. I am very grateful to the benefactors who continue to offer financial support to students at Jesus, for all sorts of different activities” 

Jesus is one of the most generous colleges to its undergraduates in general, with cultural, sport and travel funds totalling around £30,000 a year. Senior Tutor Dr Alexandra Lumbers commented, “We have a good range of awards because of the generosity of our alumni who have given has funds over the years to put in trusts. How much we give out each term to applicants depends on how many students apply and how well the endowments are doing.”

Notable awards at Jesus include the T.E. Lawrence award worth up to £5,000, for history students doing “research into the Mediaeval History of Western Europe, the Mediterranean or the territories of the Crusades” and the Peter North Fund which can offer up to £1,000 to students who intend to go into legal practice.

Across the board, law degrees tend to be among the most lucrative in terms of prizes.  Balliol offers a law essay prize of £300 and the Paton Studentship, to the value of £220 or more, “awarded annually on the result of Law Schools”, while Christ Church have a £100 award to be given to a Jurisprudence student in their penultimate year, £100 for the best performance in Final Honour Schools as well as a £500 scholarship for law students returning to the House for graduate study.

Chemists are also fortunate in the range of awards available. Keble has the The Denis Meakins Prize, worth up to £500 for “the best ‘all round’ performance in Chemistry, taking into account academic achievement and extra-curricular contributions to the College.” Lincoln’s Peter Atkins award is worth £700 for outstanding Chemistry students.

More unusual awards include the Hawkins Scholarships at Christ Church for sons and daughters of the clergy in special financial need. Even more niche are Balliol’s Galpin Scholarships, “for students who are of Dorset descent and have been educated in Dorset”.

Balliol student Sam Rabinowitz spoke in favour of the awards, telling Cherwell, “For too long, those from the north of England have treated their southern counterparts with snobbery and disdain. This discrimination tends to be based on ignorance. Just because the north is higher on a map doesn’t make its inhabitants taller or cleverer. This award will hopefully serve as a beacon to the rest of society, and help drive such misinformation into the sea.”

Current holder of a Galpin Exhibition, Ryan Flanagan, said that although he knew about the award when he applied to Balliol, it did not influence his decision to apply, and explained that in practice the award was much the same as any other Exhibition, since “most of these awards are just nameholders fo the scholars and exhibitioner awards”.

A spokesperson for the University told Cherwell that although some awards may seem to have surprising conditions, “Benefactors do not dictate to the University or colleges what awards are to be given; decisions are always arrived at through a process of discussion so that donations can support areas which the University and its colleges believe can enrich the student experience.”

They also reiterated that, “Whilst it is true that there are differences in awards offered by different colleges the underlying level of support every student at Oxford receives is far higher than almost any other UK university, making an Oxford undergraduate degree excellent value whichever college you study at.”

Controversy has arisen at Lincoln and Keble this week, following the revelation that the two colleges share a ball theme.

Lincoln’s ‘Le Fantôme – un Opéra Parisien’ and Keble’s ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ both draw their inspiration from Gaston Leroux’s novel.

President of the Lincoln Ball Committee Dennis Egger called it an “unfortunate coincidence,” explaining that his college’s theme had been chosen last Trinity, before the Keble Ball President had been elected. Keble was therefore not included on OUSU’s ball presidents mailing list, on which the different colleges’ themes were made known. He told Cherwell, “They had no way of knowing; it wasn’t a case of copying”.

Daniel Guinness, Keble’s Ball President, commented, “Both Lincoln and ourselves discovered the other’s theme as we were postering and flyering over the weekend. The Lincoln Ball President, Dennis Egger, and I have had a couple of very good conversations about this. What we’ve realised is that the themes, and the Balls themselves, are actually quite different, and that there is room for both to be brilliant successes this year. As such, both balls have decided to carry on with their respective themes.”

This avoids the controversy generated in 2009, when both St Hilda’s and Balliol chose ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ as ball themes, resulting in the former changing theirs.

Egger expressed the hope that the coincidence may prove advantageous, saying it “might stimulate efforts to make Lincoln Ball distinctive.”

When asked whether he feared Keble’s bigger budget and venue would woo ball-goers away from Lincoln, Egger replied, “Bigger doesn’t always mean better. Lincoln’s smaller size will make the ball intimate and provide a coherent experience, very much focused on the theme.”

Keble’s buildings and layout will be one of its major selling points, Guiness telling Cherwell, “Our Gothic Architecture, enhanced by the addition of musical stages and carnival rides, creates a magic setting for a night of joyous abandon for our guests.”

Lincoln Ball will be recreating the atmosphere at the reopening of the Opéra Garnier in Belle Époque Paris, while Keble Ball will be a re-enactment of the lavish party the Phantom throws for Christine.

“I’d rather go to Keble Ball,” said one second-year, “Because it’s a bigger, fancier college, and its grand architecture is better suited to the theme.

On the other hand, one PPEist told Cherwell, “I went to Keble Ball last year, and it was fantastic, but I’ll give Lincoln a go this year. I will be disappointed, though, if doesn’t live up to Keble last year.”

Biologist Chloe Orland was more diplomatic, saying, “I’ll do research. I’ll check out the bands playing at each, and see what you get for your money overall, seeing as their prices are similar. Some investigation is needed.”

They will be taking place a week apart in early Trinity, Lincoln Ball on Saturday of 1st Week, Keble Ball on Saturday of 2nd Week. Tickets for Lincoln are £115 dining and £80 non-dining, with 700 on sale, while Keble’s 1500 tickets are going for £85.

Oriel College library has been restricted to opening only during office hours following separate incidents where students were caught having sex in the library, and where bookshelves and books were left in disarray.

In an email to students following the rearrangement of bookcases, the Senior Dean, Juliane Kerkhecker, noted that, “The library is not being treated with the appropriate consideration this term.”

She went on to describe the mess left in the Theology section stating, “This is not acceptable. It is not only inconsiderate because it means extra work and heavy lifting for the librarian, it is also inconsiderate towards all users of the library.”

The email appealed for those responsible to contact the Dean and warned, “If the library and the librarian will not be treated with due respect from now on, then I shall have to consider closing the library outside office hours.”

When the allocated time for confession passed without the culprits coming forward, Kerkhecker informed members of the JCR, “The library will be closed at 5.30pm on weekdays; it will be open from 7.30am on weekdays. The library will not be open overnight nor on the weekend.” 

The email gave no indication of when the restrictions would be lifted and members of the college have not received further information.

Patrick Penzo, a second year Classicist at Oriel expressed his concern over the matter, telling Cherwell, “I really don’t know how permanent this measure is. There have been many threats of library closures over the past few years and no one has ever taken any notice of them. If the reduced opening hours are still in place next term I will be furious as I have Mods.”

The justification for the changes, as given by the Senior Dean in an email to all Oriel students was, “disregard for the library and its rules, and a lack of a sense of responsibility to the community [which has] resulted in the changed opening hours for the library.”

The description by the Dean of the incident which triggered the emails stated that, “bookcases had been moved in the Theology section of the library with books spread around.”  

One Oriel student however, claimed this was not of great significance, commenting, “all that had been done to the library was a bookshelf on rollers had been moved closer to a desk and a lamp placed on top. Some books had been stacked on top of the bookshelf. Nothing bad.”

Several undergraduates, however, confirm that there was an incident in the library recently in which two students were caught by a porter while having sex. Some Orielenses have claimed that this is the real cause of the closures and that the bookshelf incident was “both the straw which broke the camel’s back, and an excuse to take harsh measures against such occurrences.”

One second year Historian, Robert Fleck, commented, “It is irritating that some students feel it is acceptable to behave in a way that threatens to take the privilege of the library away from all members of college. The entire college is being punished for the actions of the few.”

Another undergraduate at Oriel who wished to remain anonymous told Cherwell, “The closure of the library is outrageous. The way in which Oriel students – many of whom rely on the library as a workplace for theses and coursework – have been treated, ironically, shows a complete and utter lack of respect. 

“We have already been subject to collective punishment on several occasions over the past few years, and have expressed our disappointment with the disciplinary system at Oriel accordingly through the JCR. How can the Deans expect us to treat them with respect if we are continually subjected to a dysfunctional disciplinary procedure that undermines the kind of familial ethos a small college such as Oriel seeks to promote?”

Previously collective punishment was implemented against the JCR in cases of bad behaviour by members of the college in clubs and  at college events. This led to a motion in February 2010 which stated, “There is a precedent for collective punishment [at Oriel]. This JCR believes that collective punishment is not acceptable.” The motion in the JCR Meeting passed with only two against and one abstention. 

The JCR was also previously threatened with limited opening times last May due to incidents when chairs were broken and food and drink consumed inside the library however eventually no restrictions were enforced.