Saturday, April 26, 2025
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Whoa! Lad at WOMAD

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Tucked between the great god Glastonbury and the mock-hippy island sanctuary of Bestival on this year’s British festival circuit, WOMAD’s world music experience – featuring “no clue who anyone is on this lineup” – is easy to overlook. But mainstream pop festivals and their big name listings are overrated. Where’s the fun in having to endure a set of Rascal’s overly commercialised recent output, when all you really want to hear is some Boy In Da Corner gold dust from 2003? It often seems that we festival-goers are just there for the name and not the music.

But WOMAD doesn’t try to quench your thirst for chart toppers or Mercury Prize winners – and that’s precisely its forte. Stroll around the “World of Wellbeing”, pass by the woodland BBC Radio 3 Stage, investigate the small marquees in the main arena; soon you don’t care about who’s playing, but what they’re playing. All you have to do is listen… and appreciate.

The fact that a few weeks ago not a single guitar based band featured in the UK Top 10 – a first in chart history – just goes to show the extent of the digitised music invasion. Recording (and maybe even playing) “live” is now faux pas Ga Ga. In this musical climate of digitally manufactured melodies that are squeezed through beat-mapping software and neatly packaged into mere three-minute soundbites, it comes as a relief to hear something a little rawer and unconstrained.

Thankfully, WOMAD delivers on this promise with acts such as Orchestre National de Barbès, from Paris. Cheerfully mixing ska, chanson, and north African music with a treatment of La Marseillaise, the Orchestre asserts its vision of a multicultural France. Also “representing” are the female duo Nouvelle Vague, who provide alternative cabaret adaptations of punk-rock classics, including a amusing acoustic rendition of “God Save The Queen”.

There were, however, some grand failures on the “original” music front. The Bays’ collaboration with Heritage Orchestra, John Metcalfe and Simon Hale was an attempt to fuse a classical orchestra with a band while both improvised. The gig featured two composers writing music, which was then projected on an array of music-stand-computer-screen devices by the attending orchestra. It was like a situation from Wall Street, but with the bankers bearing violins. I can’t fault the orchestra’s performance – all members seemed to be on full steam. But the accompanying band, The Bays, drowned everything out with roaring drum and bass dance rhythms, devoid of any creativity. A nice idea, but this musical stock market quickly descended into a state of liquidation.

But with every failure there was a surprise gem round the corner. The highlight of this year’s festival was far and away the Congolese group Staff Benda Bilili, a band formed by musicians who have suffered from polio. With one on crutches, and four rocking up on wheelchairs, they delivered one of the most inspiring performances of the festival. They later teamed up with a group of street kids, one of whom had fashioned his own instrument out an old milk-powder can and a strand of electrical wire. This blend of Congolese rumba, funk and R&B paired energy with sensitivity.

The size of the names on the bill is also matched by the size of the site itself. The fact that the main stage is only the modest West Holts Stage from Glasto’ gives some perspective on this. Neither does WOMAD have much to offer those late-night basshunter bandits who feast on sub woofers and paralytic light shows. Most of the tents pack up shop by midnight with only the odd hypnotic drumming workshop pounding on into the early hours. An early night every night? Yes. But at least you’re lulled to sleep by the sounds of a Mongolian throat-singing finale.

Supermarket hits Shoreditch

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The popular Oxford club night ‘Supermarket’ is soon to be launched at a club in Shoreditch, one of the trendiest parts of London, quashing claims that the Oxford clubbing scene is below par.

 

Ben Coopman, who recently graduated from Corpus Christi with a 2.1 in Classics and English, began the night at Babylove in Trinity term 2008. 

 

Coopman is setting up the night in London along with Marcus Haughton, who put on a post-punk night at The Adelphi in Leeds. Coopman acknowledged, ‘There is a lot more competition in London and the night is a lot harder to market; it’s not as simple as putting up flyers in colleges. It’s really exciting and we are really looking forward to it.’

 

A finalist student who has been promoting at Oxford’s clubs for the last two years, said, ‘I think it’s fantastic that Oxford, which does not traditionally have a reputation for clubbing and nightlife, is having one of its major brands exported to a larger market. Oxford nightlife is certainly underrated; with the two universities there is both the demand and increasingly the supply of high quality nightlife. Launching Supermarket in London will be great for Oxford’s image, and I think the night will be really well suited to London.’

 

Supermarket started out in Trinity term of 2008 running twice a term. Following its immense popularity, this was increased to four times a term during Trinity term of 2010.

 

The launch night of Supermarket in London will be on 1st October, in Avalon Club on Shoreditch High Street, and will continue every Friday night from 15th October.

 

The Big Society’s big secret

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On a recent sojourn to London (my fourth ever) I found myself very uncomfortable in the alien surroundings of the Tube. Was it the bustle, with my fresh face and rural upbringing once again to blame? No. Was it the desire in every stranger to stare intently but not to make eye contact? No. Was I wearing a jumper too many in the clammy carriage? Well yes, actually, but guess again. Maybe it was my resignation to an inexplicable failure to fathom the Oyster Card system, and the image of Boris Johnson chasing me for my £50 fraud charge. Troubling as that image is, what really bothered me as I adjusted to the London transport system was the billboard in front of me advertising job vacancies at the Olympic Games.

I suppose that Londoners will be familiar enough with these adverts to correct me on the wording, but the general drive of the ubiquitous Games Maker adverts seems to me to be this: ‘Spend hours doing such and such a low skilled but necessary job. Spend hours/days feeling very tired, and slowly feel the sense of achievement and usefulness to sink in. Then forget about it, except when telling stories to your grandchildren.’ Now this alone would perhaps be defensible, if it weren’t for the small print at the bottom that directs you to a website – www.london2012.com/get-involved/volunteering. Volunteering. All voluntary positions at the Games are eight hour shifts on at least ten days. That’s eighty hours of work in a job as engaging as sitting at an information desk, inspecting tickets or directing traffic with the aid of a loudspeaker. All this… for no money?

Hold on, I hear you say. There must be some freebies. Free transport? Free accommodation? Free tickets to events, voluntary positions inside arenas, maybe even a chance to meet a competitor or two? Well I’ll admit that the last one was a little hopeful, but each of these is explicitly blown out of the water by the hilariously patronising ‘Take the Challenge’ test on the website (my personal favourite question has to be ‘Are you passionate about making London 2012 a truly memorable Games?’)

So, just to recapitulate, the proposition is this: hours and hours of mind numbing boredom, paid for exclusively by individual volunteers, and the most to be offered in return is a story to tell the grandchildren about. Is that really the best they can do?

If any greater confirmation were needed that this is one of the first tentative trials of the Big Society, the ‘Challenge’ blows that out of the water too:

Q: Are you willing to find your own accommodation and travel to whichever venue your role is based at?

A: No.

Response: That’s a shame…Perhaps you could check out volunteering opportunities that are closer to where you live.

Now, what really irked me about these adverts wasn’t that they advertised as voluntary work. Voluntary work can be a rewarding, stimulating, excellent experience and just about everything that paid work can be. What I found so distasteful was the cynical way in which the adverts played on class symbols that only exist in their current form as a result of both poor social mobility and the rigid strength and self-reinforcing nature of social conditioning. The use of ‘Something to tell the grandchildren about’ is expressly designed to appeal to those with jobs that lack societal significance – here is an opportunity for a shelf stacker to play a part in the ‘greatest show on earth’. The designers of the advert clearly appreciate the obvious truth that the more educated a person is, the less inclined they will be to do a boring job with no perks for free. So they cynically target those with the least education – broadly, those with the lowest paid jobs.

I don’t deny that volunteers are needed to make the Olympic Games happen at all, or that such positions need to be advertised. But I think it is the responsibility of a government to ask of its citizens in plain terms, without seeking to manipulate and exploit groups that are receptive to a certain spin. With such an approach I accept that fewer volunteers would probably be recruited, but maybe this is a good indication that volunteers deserve some material rewards for their efforts – at the very least free accommodation and travel costs.

If this episode does turn out to be representative of the government’s approach to encouraging voluntary work, it would at least fit into a coherent narrative. Cuts to public services will surely have a trickle-down effect that will result in those least valued by society being made unemployed. Once that has come to pass, I wonder how many people will be lured back into their former positions on a voluntary basis on the grounds that they will be able to tell their grandchildren of their part in the greatest sham on earth.

A passage through India

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I don’t know whether you caught John Sergeant’s TV programme about Indian railways; I only flicked over to it accidentally late one night, but somewhere between Sergeant’s red, sweating face and the lush green hills behind him, I was entranced. So six weeks later , with a Lonely Planet in my hand and without malaria tablets, rabies injections or pretty much any plan of what we were going to do, two friends and I touched down in Delhi to start our journey through ‘God’s own country’.

India is gloriously diverse, from its smorgasbord of religions to snow-capped mountains bordering steamy tea plantations, sun-kissed beaches and bustling cosmopolitan cities. Travelling from north to south, you feel as if you’ve visited ten different countries. The contrast just in Delhi is incredible; standing next to men peddling fresh fruit, fabrics, baskets and inflatable rubber rings at the side of the road are gigantic, air-conditioned malls of which Delhi abounds. With the Commonwealth Games beginning in October, Delhi is littered with the shells of half-built high-rise flats while money and labour are diverted to the equally barren sites of the new metro stations. Yet framed at one end by the formidable Red Fort is Chandni Chowk, one of Delhi’s main streets, full of the chatter of owners hustling you into their shops and prayers from the Sikh temple. The air is heavy with the sweet and spicy scent of chats cooked down the rabbit warren of alleys leading into the Old Town, and thick with fumes from the traffic jams of motorbikes with whole families squashed on the back, auto-rickshaws, un-roadworthy cars, vans with men hanging off the back and sides, and beautifully painted work trucks. One of the things you notice most as a tourist in India is how much people stare. Everywhere we went people looked and took photos. We appeared to become the star attraction at the Lotus temple with men lining up to have their photos taken with us, which seemed so inappropriate next to a beautiful Baha’i place of worship. It almost makes you feel like a celebrity until you’re lying on the beach and you look up to see a coconut tree full of men staring down at you. That was just a bit off-putting, and God knows where the photos end up.

We continued our journey south following the ‘golden triangle’ of Jaipur and Agra. At Jaipur, we went to see the beautiful Amber fort, driving back to the Pink city as the sun set over the water palace, Jal Mahal. And while my friends explored the old city, only four days into the trip, I got a real taste of the India ‘experience’ as I spent a day on an IV drip at a clinic getting antibiotics and rehydrated. The ordeal of getting a large needle pierced into each hip muscle was improved only by a gorgeous Frenchman called Remy who was suffering similarly. In Agra, we watched the sun rise over the Taj Mahal, and I even succumbed to some sickeningly touristy photos of me ‘holding’ the Taj. Sadly my mother’s annual Christmas newsletter will be missing these much-relished photos after I managed to drop my camera down the Indian loo of a train on our final leg. Gone are the photos of the camel ride on Shah Rukh Khan, our canoeing trip down the Keralan backwaters, our day at Mysore Zoo, many indistinguishable pictures of pillars and one of my friend in a towel doing something naughty during a blackout. To whomsoever found that camera on the train tracks, enjoy.

I spent my 19th birthday in Mumbai. Quick tip, don’t let your friend with the guide book organise your birthday – we spent the morning looking at the High Court and the outside of the University buildings. At least in the evening we ate Behlpuri on the beach, went bollywood-star spotting at a rooftop bar and were taught how to blow smoke rings in a shisha bar by a man who was a bit too concerned with our throat action. We were shown the gorgeous ruins of Hampi by a friend where we watched a festival of fireworks and dancing led by the temple elephant, Lakshmi, who early the next morning I fed bananas to and was blessed by her trunk. When we travelled to Bangalore we were lucky to get shown the sights by a local, including shisha at a completely empty Egyptian themed bar where we put some newly learnt dance moves and smoke rings into actions in front of the bemused barmen who outnumbered us. From here, our train journey led us down into the luscious green state of Kerala, to Kovalam beach, and my favourite day which was spent lazily floating down the palm-fringed Alleppey backwaters on a gorgeous bamboo houseboat. I even got my first ride on a motorbike when we were taken home one night by friends of the owner of our guesthouse after a barbeque on beach. They took one of my friends and I to another guesthouse for a late night drink of coconut water, and while my admirer tried to convince me I was the girl of his dreams, all hopes of him being ‘The One’ were dashed when I discovered he used the same lines on another friend.

I could hardly believe that just kilometres from these cities, bulging with a population they can’t contain, there are the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. Yet it isn’t the historical sites that will remain in my memory long after I left India- I had a camera for that- it’s the sights and sounds, the food and above all the people. You can’t experience a country through a guide book or being hurried inside a monument by a tour guide for fear you might experience the ‘real’ India. Nothing we saw compared to the kindness of the people we met walking around. We’d been warned that everyone was a conman out to rip you off in some way, but I met some of the most genuinely lovely people. When we visited Krishna’s birth place, we were invited to worship with some Hare Krishna, playing drums while they sang. Drenched from head to toe at New Delhi railway station, we relied on the help of other passengers to find the elusive tourist bureau. In the villages around the backwaters of Alleppey, men, women and children run up to you just to say hello and shake your hand. We chatted with the lead singer of an Indian band filming a music video on the harbour of Fort Cochin. In fact, some people were overly helpful – a rather buoyant hotel owner offered us a free yoga lesson (or massage, we weren’t quite sure) and despite our polite refusal, we were still greeted with his enthusiastic face at 9am ready to bend into positions I can only imagine. On our train to Mumbai, we spent the night chatting to a family, sharing their delicious homemade food and even had a debate about Pascal’s wager with them while their three-year-old daughter tried to destroy my copy of ‘From Nicaea to Chalcedon’.

We’d heard horror stories about the trains in India, but after three overnight journeys, including a 17 hour one in the lowest class with a more than dubious smell wafting from the blocked toilet next to our beds and a man with a consumption-like cough next to me, it turns out that the Indian trains were actually the only reliable way to travel. The driver who took us from Delhi to Jaipur and Agra would often mysteriously do a U-turn in the road and travel for kilometres in the direction we had just come, only to turn round again. We took a dying Jeep on a three hour journey from Guntakal to Hampi, with its doors held shut by string and a driver who looked indescribably relieved when he managed to get us across a flooded river with the water skimming just shy of our toes (we also narrowly avoided our bags being lost when the back door swung over as he forced the car over a gaping pothole). One of our friends in India had a particularly lax attitude towards drinking and driving, while the final part of our journey ended with 14 hours on the airport floor because of a national transport strike.

So there it was: four weeks, sixty-one hours on trains, eleven towns and cities, and we only scratched the surface of one of the world’s most beautiful countries. John Sergeant, I hope we did you proud.

Review: Magnificent Maps at the Britsh Library

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Tomorrow, the British Library is to close one of it’s finest exhibitions to date, an extensive yet satisfyingly in-depth map collection, many of which have never been exhibited before. It’s no surprise the exhibition has received rave reviews, as the British Library has an archive of over four million to choose from. The exhibition contains an array of physically beautiful and intellectually fascinating maps drawn from theological, political, imperial and satirical motives, so willingly leave any preconceived associations with dull Geography at the door.

Indeed, prior to the sophistication of modern technology that rendered maps strictly functional, the execution of cartography was the execution of art, presented to the wealthy echelons of society as symbols of wealth and power. The Dutch were the masters of imperial maps, as the naval sovereigns of the 17th Century, and popularised decorating maps with Greek mythological figures in order to illustrate this godly power.

In total contrast to this, the Bolsheviks map posters displayed served as propaganda, whilst a charmingly intimate work of contemporary art by Stephen Walter (2008) presents every crevice in London as holding a personal, sentimental value. The exhibition also boasts a map illustrating the tragedy of Pomperania, a tiny island whose strategic location on the Baltic coast forced it to surrender independence in 1610 to threatening imperial dynasties. This map measures over two metres wide, using twelve sheets of paper to recreate the town’s idiosyncratic streets and paint the portrait of the ruling Duke Phillip II whose family line was soon to become extinct. Around another arcane corner hangs a depiction of the world drawn by Venetian Monk Fra Mauro circa 1450, celebrating the grandeur of Venice and Britain’s Asiatic empire as the usurper of the Portuguese empire which was facing imminent decline after success in the 15th Century.

The maps are arranged in accordance to which rooms they would have been displayed in, and there is minimal information displayed as well as a lack of any form of chronological, topographical or geographical order. Yet despite my usual personal insistence on the importance of a well informed gallery, it is this sense of rootlessness and grasp of the wealth of time and space human history has occupied that truly makes you feel as though you are reading a map; wonderfully lost.

Magnificent Maps: Power, Propaganda and Art is at the British Library, London NW1 (020-7412 7676), until Sept 19.
The BBC Four Maps Season continues on Sunday (9pm) with Maps: Power, Plunder and Possession.

The best of all the year’s festivals?

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Bestival is the festival that doesn’t take itself seriously. I realised this halfway through my toboggan ride. Skirting the hills on the outskirts of the site, the rickety toboggan (slogan: “Your safety is in your hands”) trundled uphill on a conveyor belt. It passed one sign that ordered me to “OBEY ALL SIGNS”, then another that simply read “!!!”, at which point it reached the top of the hill, pulled a sharp U-turn, and gave me a commanding view of the festival down below. I saw a spider-shaped stage spewing flames (see photo), a funfair, Tinky Winky, Princess Mononoke, Jigglypuff, and 55,000 other costumed revellers. I was on all kinds of highs when the toboggan abruptly plunged downwards.

The festival’s objective – to “bring magic to [the Isle of Wight] and spread the love worldwide” – is decidedly Woodstock, and it’s fulfilled by the neo-hippy crowds and relaxed psychedelia of the décor. Also crucial to the festival’s sense of easy-going camaraderie is its relatively small scale. The site (in contrast to the website) is easy to navigate – unlike Glastonbury, it doesn’t span an area the size of Sudan, and unlike Benicassim, it isn’t split in two by a village. How it fit the whole of North London is a mystery. Yet this was the year Bestival was upgraded to the major league – its lineup was for the first time world-class, and its tickets sold out faster than ever before. Rumours that it will relocate to a far larger site in 2011 worry me.

For Bestival is also the festival that doesn’t take its logistics seriously. Though smaller than Glastonbury and the others, it nevertheless has the task of shifting tens of thousands onto and off a tiny island. The organisers did not rise to the occasion. In a bizarre inversion of the Speed films, ferries and buses crawled along as if stoned; the return buses on the Monday morning drove past every twenty minutes, ironically pumping The Beatles’ “Get Back” as they picked up thirty passengers at a time from the mile-long queue. If Bestival is to expand in next year, this problem will have to be addressed.

The lineup didn’t quite suit the 1969 vibe, because Bestival aims to be as musically diverse as possible. Curator (and Radio 1 DJ) Rob da Bank compiled the best and most eclectic festival setlist of the summer, cramming in hip hop, two-step, indie, and a whole lot of that new strain of wistful folk-rock. He himself turned up on Saturday afternoon, looking stressedival, to treat the dance tent to an hour-long mix of Prince’s greatest hits.

Of the headliners, The Flaming Lips best summed up the festival’s ethos. Their set was gimmicky, colourful, and totally euphoric; most importantly, singer Wayne Coyne incited a sense of community in his audience, engaging them in call-and-answer singalongs and feel-good conversation about drugs. On the following night, The Prodigy – a bunch of evil people – went headlong against the Bestival spirit, but still sparked the crowd like a live wire. The two bands have rightfully been hailed as the highlights of the festival.

2010 caught Bestival in a period of transition. On the back of a stellar lineup, Rob da Bank’s festival was larger, more popular and varied this year than before, and it has begun to strain at the seams – I felt that the site was messier and more crowded than in 2009. All around lay cans and pizza boxes, in flagrant violation of the festival’s green credentials (it received the “Outstanding Greener Festival Award” in 2009). How the hippies deal with these problems remains to be seen next year.

Hillsborough ignorance opens new wounds

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I am writing this blog to try and celebrate the glorious nature of sporting competition, but I feel I have to focus my third entry on a controversy that has sadly reopened some of the wounds of the least glorious event in British sporting history – Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt’s ignorance about the Hillsborough disaster, as exposed this summer.

On the 15th April 1989 at an FA cup semi-final between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest at Sheffield Wednesday’s Hillsborough Stadium there was a fatal crush which caused the death of 96 people. This remains the worst stadium disaster in British sporting history. The shocking and terrible events of that day caused a major rethinking of the way we watch sport in this country with the introduction of all-seater stadiums. The Taylor Report which investigated the disaster placed the majority of the responsibility on the failure of police control.

The disaster was obviously harrowing for all those connected to the Liverpool fans who died and were injured on that day, but was arguably made worse by the coverage and reporting of the event. False allegations were made against the conduct of Liverpool fans in the stadium, most explicitly by The Sun newspaper. In the week after the disaster the paper ran a front page article headlined THE TRUTH which alleged that Liverpool fans had pick pocketed the dead, urinated on police officers and generally obstructed the relief effort. These allegations, which came from an unnamed police officer source, ran counter to all other accounts of Liverpool fan’s behaviour on that day. The Sun eventually published an unreserved apology in 2004, but in many fan’s eyes the damage had already been done. The unfair criticism of the Liverpool fans and the 96 dead tarnished the reputation of those involved, and extended the grieving process of the friends and families of the deceased.

In an interview in July, Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport Jeremy Hunt praised the conduct of England fans following the World Cup in South Africa. He claimed that “the terrible problems” of “Heysel and Hillsborough in the 1980s seem now to be behind us.” To mention Hillsborough in the same breath as Heysel (which was caused by fan violence) and hooliganism demonstrates a deep ignorance of the controversy surrounding Hillsborough and is hugely disrespectful to those directly involved, and to football fans in general. Hunt has issued an apology saying, “I know that fan unrest played no part in the terrible events of April 1989.” It is fine to issue an apology after the event (like The Sun did) but it doesn’t mend the offence caused. With this level of ignorance over one of the most important moments in British sporting history I would argue that he is not fit to hold the office of Secretary of State in charge of sport.

Review: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

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Coalitions are rather in vogue at the moment, first from the government and now from the film studios. ‘The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ is the second blockbuster out this year from the collaboration between Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer, the first being the Prince of Persia. The jury is still out on the success of the ‘Con-Dems’, but this reporter has truly made up his mind on the ‘Dis-Bruck’.

The story is very much on the basic side, with a plot that is by no means in the same league as ‘Inception’. In 740 AD, the sorcerer Balthazar (Nick Cage) is an apprentice of Merlin. He and two other apprentices help Merlin battle Morgana le Fay, but due to the betrayal of Horvath (Alfred Molina), one of his apprentices, Merlin is killed. Because of this, Morgana is only trapped, not defeated, and in doing so takes the body of the third apprentice with her. Balthazar then spends the next 1,000 or so years searching for Merlin’s heir who has the power to help him defeat Morgana. The heir turns out to be wet physics nerd Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel) who has no choice but o be trained in order to defeat Morgana. The plot has little, if no, surprises, and readers of this brief synopsis can likely guess how the rest of the film pans out.

Unusually for Jerry Bruckheimer, who usually charges up his films with high calibre star power, there are only two big names in the cast: Nicholas Cage and Alfred Molina. The effect of these two stars could not have contrasted more. In the past decade, Nicholas Cage has increasingly failed to resurrect the acting talents that won him an Oscar for ‘Leaving Las Vegas’ in 1995, and this film hasn’t helped. His performance is wooden and lacks the depth and slightly oddball, troubled quality that the character desperately calls for. Alfred Molina, on the other hand, plays Horvath extremely well, making him both sinister and believable in a performance that effortlessly steals the light away from the other actors on screen. The other main cast members are new to important big screen roles, and such inexperience is painfully exposed in their performances. Baruchel’s portrayal of Dave as an ordinary boy in extraordinary circumstances comes across as merely wet, whiny and pathetic, while Teresa Palmer, who plays Becky (the love interest) is one of the most pointless heroines of recent times. Palmer’s character adds nothing to the plot and any acting ability she might have is lost in the dire script.

The strength of the film, however, lies in the magic, the effects of which beat those used in the’Harry Potter’ films. All of the spells and enchantments are creatively rendered, making the magical fight scenes a delight to watch. The movie also tries to add depth to the magic by fusing it with science, though this has limited success; it’s difficult to find a scientific explanation for turning a pack of wolves into puppies. However, the depth to the magic doesn’t extend very far and intricate details and histories that could have been added are simply skimmed over. Instead, these are replaced by the inevitable goofy scene of out of control brooms and water, a ‘crowd-pleasing’ moment that impresses none.

Although the magic and special effects are top notch, they can’t save this film from its tediously clunky dialogue and neglected script. The deficiencies in these areas mean the film lacks any shred of tension, clearly a major problem for a supposed action movie. The fights, the chase scenes and the near misses do nothing to thrill the audience or keep them on the edge of their seats because character development is neglected. This bland film utterly fails to live up to its potential, and no amount of CGI that the ‘Dis-Bruck’ coalition try to throw at it can save this mess.

Which Miliband will it be?

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In the oft-quoted cliché, they say a week’s a long time in politics. So the Labour leadership campaign, which will reach 134 days – amounting to more than two terms at Oxford – before its conclusion, has gone on for a very long time indeed. Yet in all that time very little has changed.

There are ten days to go until votes for the new leader will be counted up. And still the words the pundits were uttering on 11th May, when Gordon Brown resigned as PM, largely hold true. Miliband (D) remains the man to beat. Miliband (E) remains the only one with a realistic chance of doing so, with Ed Balls widely disliked and tarnished by his association with Brown, and Diane Abbott too erratic to be a plausible leader. Then there is Andy Burnham, who just simply cannot get noticed. Despite the impressiveness of some of his rhetoric, this is hardly surprising in a contest in which he is the fourth Oxbridge-educated white male between the ages of 40 and 45.

There is indubitably an underlying sense of disappointment in this election. This isn’t even entirely down to the quality of the candidates – both Milibands have their virtues, while Ed Balls has done a superb job laying into hapless education secretary Michael Gove in the Commons. Indeed, Balls’s performances suggest a shadow chancellor-in-waiting, though Labour would be more prudent to allow him to continue savaging Gove, perhaps the weakest member of the cabinet.

But the campaign could have been enlivened by the presence of Jon Cruddas, the left-wing MP who’s a favourite of many Labour loyalists, and former home secretary Alan Johnson – noticeably older, though far from a dinosaur at 60, and a genuine believer in electoral reform. Interestingly, both these MPs have come out in support of David Miliband – suggesting they are cynically hankering after jobs in the shadow cabinet, or they believe Miliband (D) is the only plausible further PM of the five candidates.

There has been some genuinely interesting intellectual discussion of Labour’s future in the campaign, although not as much as could have been hoped. In 1980, the future of the party was decided by the defeat of the centrist Denis Healey by the left-wing radical Michael Foot, which many credit with the formation of a new political party, the Social Democrats (who later merged with the Liberals). Clearly, such ideological differences that do exist between candidates today seem trivial in comparison.

Burnham’s suggestion that all work experience should be transparently advertised, so preventing the situation whereby contacts matter infinitely more than competence, would genuinely help social mobility. But much of what’s been said has been predictable, and predictably shared amongst the candidates. New Labour is dead, mistakes were made but the government should be proud of their successes. The only voice that seems radically different is that of Abbott, but sadly the interesting things she has to say are drowned out by comments like justifying sending her son to a private school, having lambasted Tony Blair for doing the same thing, with the words “West Indian mums will go to the wall for their children”.

So in a sense Labour is ending the campaign very much as it began it, with the only question being which Miliband will become their new leader. Ed, more pugnacious, radical and likely to mark a genuine break from the New Labour project, would be the wiser choice. These things are all relative in 21st Century British politics, but he would offer a more left-wing voice than his brother – as they both admit. This is even more crucial in light of the number of those who consider themselves ‘left-wing’, voted for the Lib Dems this year and simply wouldn’t be attracted to a Labour party trying to be more ostentatiously centrist than ever.

Those who scoff that it all doesn’t matter are very wrong: whoever is elected could well become the next Prime Minister.

Review: Reading Festival

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It was not without a measure of trepidation that I made the pilgrimage to the Reading Festival this year. I hadn’t been particularly taken by the headline acts, nor had the extortionately-priced tickets convinced me that the trip would be worth my while; indeed, pitching camp in a boggy quagmire at 8pm on a Wednesday night in the pissing rain did nothing to lift my spirits. Yet, thanks to a (similarly drizzly) Thursday spent in the growing excitement of my friends, a lukewarm flame of anticipation began to flare in my mind, and come Friday had grown into a full-blown restlessness for the start of proceedings.

Half past noon on the opening day brought the unenviable first act, attended by an unusually large crowd on the Festival Republic stage. Our entertainers were the terrible Gaggle, an armour-clad choir of fifteen or twenty warlike women bearing an over-pretentious standard (reading ‘This Is Merely a Distraction from the Inevitable’) and yelling about the mental whirrings of the adolescent fairer sex. Surfer Blood, thankfully, did provide an early-afternoon alleviation from the untenable dross served up by Gaggle, blasting out several memorable tracks from their January debut ‘Astro Coast’, before Girls graced us with gorgeous material from 2009’s simplistically-titled LP, ‘Album’, including their Skeeter Davis cover, ‘The End of the World’. Later in the evening, a furious air-guitar battle ensued during an all-singles set put on by Queens of the Stone Age. Josh Homme, Dean Fertita et al did not disappoint, thrashing out crowd favourites such as ‘No One Knows’ and ‘Go with the Flow’. LCD Soundsystem were similarly upbeat, showcasing James Murphy’s knack for finding a driving dance beat and his Seinfeld-esque talent for witty monologue and lyricism.

The highlight of my Friday, however, was Yeasayer, playing a late-afternoon slot on the NME Stage. A fan of their delightfully experimental second album, ‘Odd Blood’, I was hoping that the danceable New York quintet would keep their audience guessing in a similar manner in their live performances. I wasn’t disappointed – their gig was jam-packed with dreamlike hooks and echoey guitar riffs, one track surreptitiously melting into the next. ‘Wait For The Summer’, from the ‘All Hour Cymbals’ LP, sounded fresh from the Middle East, while the live version of ‘Rome’, with its thumping bass riff, was infectiously funked-up. Of course, the reception for 2010 singles ‘Ambling Alp’ and ‘O.N.E.’ were rapturous, the latter’s reverberating riff accompanied by psychedelic visuals.

Everything Everything kicked off Saturday afternoon in disappointing fashion. My hopes that more of their material would resemble ‘MY KZ, UR BF’ were dashed by a lukewarm live performance, compounded by poorly-balanced sound that amplified the usually pleasantly flighty vocals into a piercing puppy’s yelp. In the afternoon, I was similarly unimpressed by Modest Mouse; my pre-festival scouring of their back catalogue had only yielded a couple of songs that I took to, and, perhaps ‘Tiny Cities Made of Ashes’ aside, their set gave me little more to catch hold of, delivered with minimal effort or flair. Succeeding them on the Main Stage, though, were the captivating Maccabees, Orlando Weeks’s personal charm endearing his band to a big audience almost as much as the beautiful ‘Toothpaste Kisses’ and the more upbeat ‘Can You Give It’. So enamoured was Mr. Weeks with his audience that he treated us all to one or two – as yet nameless – new songs in anticipation of the band’s third album.

Disappointed as I was at substituting the chance to see Villagers for the less poetic (but similarly Mercury-prize nominated) Dizzee Rascal, I was desperate for a decent position to see the ‘official’ reunion show by the Libertines at around half past eight that Saturday evening. The band kicked off – aptly enough, some might say, given the events of the past six years – with a frantic performance of ‘Horrorshow’, and proceeded to storm through such ‘Up the Bracket’ numbers as ‘Vertigo’ and ‘Boys in the Band’. A bleary-eyed, fairly pale but jovial Pete Doherty advised us all to ‘take care of each other out there’ (their set had been briefly stopped at Leeds the night before due to an over-zealous crowd response). Doherty, Barat and co. then followed up a melancholy performance of ‘Music When The Lights Go Out’ with crowd-pleaser ‘Can’t Stand Me Now’. Throughout the gig, the band looked revitalised, enthusiastic and happy to be playing together once again. Their set, like its Leeds counterpart the night before, was not without incident – a power outage within ten minutes of the end caused a two- or three-minute disruption – but the band returned to the stage to finish an unforgettable reunion set with ‘What a Waster’ and ‘I Get Along’, after which all four Libertines embraced each other warmly.

Saturday’s headliner was Arcade Fire, who, despite the positive critical acclaim of current album ‘The Suburbs’, seemed genuinely shocked to be headlining such a prestigious festival: ‘We’ve not even had a hit single,’ Win Butler grumbled incredulously to the masses. As if determined to hold their audience’s attention, the abundant members of the band scurried about the stage, capering wildly under a huge screen displaying artistic looped video clips and special effects. Win, dressed in heavy boots and a military jacket, kicked off with a frenetic performance of ‘Ready To Start’ and soon sang lead on ‘No Cars Go’, from 2007’s ‘Neon Bible’. His wife Régine Chassagne, in a silver sequined dress, gave a mesmerising elegy to her homeland with ‘Haïti’. Tracks played from the new album included ‘The Suburbs’, ‘We Used To Wait’ and ‘Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)’, before the Montreal-based outfit encored with ‘Month of May’ and 2005 single ‘Wake Up’.

A series of some of my favourite up-and-coming acts were due to grace the NME Stage from early Sunday afternoon, yet even with the weak sun finally shining over the arena, the final day was to prove largely anticlimactic. My imaginary award for best rock-‘n’-roll moment at the festival was surely won by The Joy Formidable’s Ritzy Bryan, who thought nothing of smashing her sleek yet chronically faulty electric guitar to pieces at ten to one p.m., after merely the first song. Thankfully, epic, arena-built tracks like ‘The Greatest Light Is The Greatest Shade’ and ‘Austere’ proved the replacement more than worthy of the task. A disappointing Los Campesinos! were succeeded by a spellbinding performance from Wild Beasts – live versions of ‘Hooting and Howling’ and ‘Brave Bulging Buoyant Clairvoyants’ showing off every permutation of Hayden Thorpe’s falsetto. The Drums may have disappointed some fans by not playing ‘Let’s Go Surfing’, but the strength of the rest of the album, combined with their typically camp prancing around, carried the band through. Foals proved to be the final band I watched fully: Yannis Philippakis kept the band’s euphoric fanbase interested via the unconventional means of stage-diving, climbing stage rigging, and daring everyone to sit down. I can’t deny I get an almost irrepressible urge to shout ‘shut up and get on with it’ to pretentious frontmen who demand such logistically challenging acts of their fans; however, I managed to keep my patience with my bearded fellow Oxonian, on the basis of his group’s entrancing recital of the clammy ‘Spanish Sahara’, the buoyant ‘This Orient’ and a nostalgic return to my Year 9 math-rock playlist with ‘Hummer’ and ‘Balloons’.

But despite a very pleasant afternoon, by nine o’clock my evening of live music was effectively over. Equally disinterested by the prospect of headliners Blink-182, Klaxons and British Sea Power, my girlfriend and I found ourselves wandering aimlessly around the arena, before deciding to abort mission back to camp in anticipation of the Sunday night silent disco. And for me, that was the problem with this year’s festival – the dearth of engaging main stage acts. Saturday aside, I approached the prospect of watching the more established bands with apathy. The mix of hugely commercial international acts – premeditated dickheads Guns ‘n’ Roses, kid-rockers Blink with their cringe-worthy live performance, or the overbearing Limp Bizkit and NOFX – with more ‘niche’ but in many cases more talented acts seemed to show a lack of a general direction from the Reading & Leeds organisers and an attempt to please all those who ally themselves under the vague label of ‘rock fan’. Don’t get me wrong, I had an enjoyable experience over the course of the weekend, but next year, a more concerted effort to book a greater variety of main stage acts would be welcome.