Thursday 3rd July 2025
Blog Page 2006

Blind Date: Week 1

0

Blind Date is kindly sponsored by the Oxford Retreat, open for lunch, supper and drinks at 1 Hythe Bridge Street.

Christina Haremi,
Magdalen, Law

Restless lawyer, with no sense of time, space or direction (“Never Eat Shredded Wheat”), looking for a man to lead the way.

Tom was in sheer awe when I ordered spiced calf liver to match his fish dish. This revelatory moment aside, we had a mammoth conversation, most of which seemed to boil down to a “gap yah” (not mine), immigration (mine) and the girl from college whom I thought Robert Pattinson was dating (but apparently isn’t).
As the Oxford Retreat grew awkwardly empty, we set off to find somewhere new to continue sharing views on now increasingly abstract topics but ended up in Magdalen looking for the deer, which much to our disappointment were not wearing flashing midnight light bulbs.
In spite of the fact that, throughout the walk back, Tom was patently making fun of my bike basket (very handy for groceries), I had a lovely time and a yummy piece of liver.

Banter: PG-13
Looks: Attractive
Personality: Refreshing & genuine
2nd date? Potentially

Tom Martin,
Wadham, Physics

Perennially searching Physicist, loves world peace, walks on the beach and the house terrapin,  seeks reckless arts student to liven up the long Oxford summer.

The date began with the obligatory photo but thankfully this seemed to be the last awkward moment of the evening.  Once I had bumblingly ordered a bottle of house white the conversation started to flow almost as quickly as the wine. We sauntered effortlessly from Oxford to travel to impressions of a Greek father (a personal highlight) in a well-choreographed conversational dance with Christina gently taking the lead and me happily following. 
Once three hours had trickled by we attempted to find a place to go for a drink but nowhere came through for us so after a fruitless search we went our separate ways, she back to college and I back home to what seemed like a round of 20 questions from over-keen house-mates before I eventually lay down on my Big Fat Greek Bedding (see what I did there?). 

Banter:  Intense, flowing
Looks: Mediterranean, arresting
Personality: Engaging, vivacious
2nd date? Watch this space…

My Home Town: Bramhall, Cheshire

0

Bramhall lies on something called the ‘Cheshire Stockbroker belt’, or so I am always informed on the extremely rare occasions that this odd bastard daughter of Cheshire village and South Manchester suburb (pop. 40,000) makes it into the tabloid press (I think the last time was when probably its most famous resident, George Best, drunk himself into an early grave. Not on account of living here). I’m not sure where they get this ‘stockbroker’ bit from though. Manchester, the nearest town to Bramhall of which most Southerners will have heard, is hardly The City: more Armani Exchange than Stock Exchange in many ways.

Nonetheless, Bramhall is known locally as rather affluent and a pleasant place to live. It’s conservative with quite a small C, but has had a jolly LibDem MP for a while now. If I recall correctly, a study in some nameless provincial University pronounced it the happiest/friendliest/least disagreeable place to live in the country. This is not hard to achieve when your main neighbour is Stockport – a great grey sodden bubo of a town festering in the armpit of industrial North West England. I saw a girl there once trying to break into a car, not realising somebody was sat in it.

Bramhall, by comparison, is a paradise of niceness. Yes, each one of its local pubs has had its personality wallpapered over in patterns of varying degrees of floral, and been filled with as much glass, marble and mid-life crisis as you can imagine; but, like old age, it’s not pretty, but better than the alternative.

I have been harsh so far. And I really oughtn’t to be, since this place has served me and my twenty years well as a ville natale. The schools are numerous and their uniforms brightly coloured. Thankfully I didn’t go to the one whose jumpers were a fetching melange of yellow and brown. They, naturally, were comprehensively bullied. The high school was one of the first to bring sniffer-dogs onto the premises, which was a bit of a novelty; and it also hit the headlines for introducing clip-on ties for health and safety reasons, which earned us a nice dosage of Daily Mail ‘political correctness gone mad’ coverage.

We don’t have theatres; we have no cinema and no art gallery. Queen Elizabeth I once spent the night in Bramall Hall, our only national landmark, and, according to Simon Jenkins, one of the finest examples of Tudor architecture in the country. One evening, mind. Perhaps, however, she should have stayed longer: long enough to appreciate the joy of a picnic in the seventy perfect acres that surround it. After all, beauty is never expected, never comes when you think it will; least of all in the middle of this suburban wilderness, this sprawl of hedgerows and waxed-SUVs. But it’s there, believe me, it’s there.

Making it Work

0

Hands-up if you envisage your married life, five years on, involving regular nights on a friend’s couch. Sound odd? Dysfunctional? In fact, for one Oxford couple it’s standard procedure in an attempt to juggle the cost of graduate degrees at two universities.

Welcome to the life of David Lappano and Leslie James. David is currently reading for an M.St in Theology at Regent’s Park College, and was recently accepted to read for a D.Phil in Theology. Leslie, his wife of five years, is mid-way through a D.Phil in History at the London School of Economics. They live in Oxford (to comply with the University’s residency requirements), in a student flat out by the train station, which is convenient for Leslie to commute to London three days each week. To stretch their student budget, rather than return to Oxford each night Leslie stays with friends, sleeping on couches or in guest rooms. ‘I have about five friends that I will call-up and say, ‘Can I stay with you tonight?’ I just pack my backpack and move around every night.’

It’s no secret that the life of a young academic is difficult. The competition for programmes is intense, surpassed only by the competition for teaching jobs after graduation. (How many programmes do you know with fewer students than faculty?) Long hours of isolated work are inevitable, because a D.Phil thesis must be unique; no one else can do what you are doing. Tired, desperate graduates compete down salaries at hiring institutions, which hold a near monopoly on job placements, and years of specialized research mean that interested and appropriate departments are, quite literally, few and far between.

What’s less appreciated is how all these challenges are multiplied by the desire to maintain a healthy, connected relationship with a partner. All of a sudden, traveling for that conference, to those archives, even staying late at the library carries an additional cost: not just your time, but also your partner’s time is affected. The fact that you invited this complication into your life (funny how it didn’t seem that way at the time) doesn´t make the situation any easier; or, for that matter, that friend’s couch any more comfortable.

Another version of this story is lived by Steve Reynolds, who earned a D.Phil in Philosophy from Oxford in 2009 and currently teaches at New College. For the last four years, Steve’s girlfriend, fiancee and now wife, Becca Reynolds, has lived in Ontario, Canada, finishing law school and now practicing corporate law. ‘Initially we were proud of our ability to concentrate on work and be apart – avoid an early compromise and later resentment. That initial enthusiasm has waned…’
‘The situation affects everything in your life. Sometimes I think that I hate philosophy, what’s the point of all this crap, but that’s really not true. We’re just frustrated by our situation.’

One stress in particular is financial. David and Leslie, for example, completed much of their graduate work in stages, with one partner working while the other studied, but the decision for David to re-enter graduate school at the same time as Leslie meant that significant debt was no longer avoidable. ‘We don’t really comprehend how expensive this is going to be. The numbers don’t really seem real.’

For the time being, however, that’s something they feel they can manage. ‘Money can be stressful, but where it becomes a breaking point is when blame comes into it. Because we’re both contributing to the debt right now, it’s stressful but [we] made the decision together, so there’s no possibility of resentment.’

More generally, the difficulties facing young academics and their partners are a sign of our times: two career families are becoming increasingly common, while the institutions where people make their careers tend to reflect expectations more appropriate to single career families. It’s much easier to work 50, 60 or 70 hours each week if your partner is free to deal with household responsibilities, arrange social engagements and generally be available whenever you happen to not be working.
Finding work in reasonable proximity to each other can also be a challenge, which is why Steve and Becca have decided to move wherever Steve can find work. (So far he has applied in Canada, the US, Britain and Australia.) It’s actually easier for Becca to re-qualify as an attorney in another common law country than for Steve to control where he might get hired. ‘There are just fewer universities for any one specialization than there are law firms in a big city.’

For David and Leslie, the job search is a few years away but the issue still creates anxiety about their ability to start a family. Leslie’s decision to study at the LSE delayed any such plans for three to four years, and when David was deciding whether to pursue further graduate study, the same questions arose. ‘The back and forth was not just about finances; it was about our future, our ability to have a family.’
Ultimately, everyone does their best to make it work in their own way. For Steve, this includes considering alternatives to an academic career, at least in the short term, so that he and Becca can finally live together on a permanent basis. ‘Becca jokes sometimes, “now that we’re married I want to live with you and get to know you!” I don’t think it’s so funny but she has a point.’
‘If pursuing this career means sacrificing other things, then, it’s just no longer worth it, or viable.’

For David and Leslie, the real challenge has been realizing that the most prudent decision is not always the best decision. ‘Sometimes you have to make a decision that’s right but not for practical reasons. This year with both of us in graduate school has been a lesson in the truth of that.’
Not something one is likely to find in a degree prospectus, but all too real for too many couples. Best of luck to everyone.

Creaming Spires: Let’s Talk about Sex

0

So, an Oxford sex column. Déja vu, I hear you cry? Not quite. Because, unlike that Oxbridge Sex Blog, this is unashamedly a thinking man’s exploration of the existential crisis that is the bumping of respective uglies.

In fact, I like to think of myself as the Id to the Cherwell’s Super-ego. And a much needed Id, I might add. Because Oxford is a sexy place, non? Who hasn’t been taken roughly in the Bodleian these days? Indulged in a hand job at Hassan’s? And the great thing about the incestuous closeness of the collegiate system is that we all know about it, who’s doing it with who (whom?), where, when, and for how long. A kind of sexual and intellectual voyeurism emerges in which a blog and column seem only the next logical step. I know what my linguist friend got in his collections for example, what his thoughts are upon Lacanian psychoanalysis; but I also know that he prefers KY jelly to your standard generic lube, and whether he favours giving or receiving. I can link myself to anyone in my college in three steps of drunken sexual engagement. Or fewer, if you are a very lucky boy.

Yesterday over a still inebriated breakfast I found myself discussing the merits of anal sex with my housemates (the results were illuminating, but – this being my first column an’ all – I don’t want to burn out too fast, you’ll have to use your trained and privileged imaginative capacities for that). I found out recently that the boy living in the room next to me has just bought some earplugs; apparently I get particularly vocal after a few drinks… In my opinion, this is only a good thing. I refer to the libinous freedom and frankness, of course, rather than my housemates hearing me approach climax.

If we really are among the brightest young people in the world, we should be able to talk about the most interesting thing in the world – no, that’s not the comedy of Molière, it’s certainly not the politics of the Oxford Union, it’s fucking. And we should be able to talk about it in a less infuriating way than The Blogger Who Shall Not Be Named.

So let’s talk; about fucking one another, or indeed fucking oneself (though avoid the latter on a Monday morning, apparently it‘s not cool to make your scout an unwilling voyeur to your onanism – my bad). It’s the one thing driving everything we do, according to my man Freud. Or is that a simplistic reading of his work? Answers on a postcard to the Cherwell offices, please. If you’ve got a hand free.

Sweet Home Chicago

0

Everybody loves it when somebody rises up to success from relative obscurity. Especially if their “success” constitutes laying out a fascist with a proverbial bitch-slap. Bonnie Greer has had a thoroughly successful career as a writer and critic, and would be dismayed if the defining moment in her career was that appearance on Question Time. And however much it undoubtedly imprinted her on the national consciousness, she is more concerned these days with the sudden ascent of another political icon.
Greer’s new book charts the rise of Barack Obama with reference to the musical culture he was surrounded by – and is appropriately called Obama Music. Of course, the majority of the time, people who have come from “nowhere” have really had a career of hard work behind them, and just as Greer had appeared on Question Time several times before, those in Obama’s hometown of Chicago will have known a political superstar was in the making.

Or perhaps not. See, Chicago isn’t really Obama’s hometown, the way it is Greer’s. He was born in Hawaii and his first attempt to get elected in Chicago failed, as he was defeated by Bobby Rush. ‘I felt strange about him for a long time, because I can hear that he doesn’t come from the South Side,’ says Greer – and she wasn’t the only one. On the Chicago South Side they have a word for people who fit in, who belong there, and that word is a “regular”. Obama had to learn to be a regular – and perhaps unusually for him, it didn’t necessarily come naturally.

The process of learning to be a regular, particularly when carried out by a politician, is a hard one, because if a regular is roughly defined as someone you can trust, a politician may be roughly defined as someone you can’t. ‘People who are intellectual can appear to be manipulative’ observes Greer, before adding ‘He’s always a person who is very conscious that he is on the outside.’ But Greer is keen to point out that the choice of Chicago wasn’t arbitrary, and early failures didn’t mean Obama had made some sort of mistake. ‘I think he’s a self-made man in the real sense of the word… He needed to have some roots, and he found those roots [in Chicago]’.

So, far from seeing Chicago as a stepping-stone on the way to stardom, perhaps it is better to see it in terms of the very foundation on which the political phenomenon was built. And its culture, its people, its history, have all impacted on the President’s development. ‘One of the reasons I wrote the book was because I wanted to understand why I didn’t trust him, why I didn’t like him, and it did go back to the fact that media were portraying him as if he had come from nowhere, there was no-one like him, he was unique, and, although he was unique in that he became President, he wasn’t unique in where he came from.’ But as he learned to be part of the community, far from it being an act of contrivance, the community actually moulded him. ‘I wanted to show a community, one which was striving to build itself, in spite of segregation, into a viable entity, and that’s what Barack found there, and thought, “this is where I want to be”‘.

Of course, it’s one thing to rise to the top, quite another to deliver. If Chicagoans had now finally accepted Obama as their own, what did Greer, as a South Sider, make of the perceived failure of his administration? At the time when I spoke to her, the health bill was floundering, and only very limited progress had been made with regards to foreign policy. She wasn’t too fussed: ‘the internet has shortened imaginative time, shortened delivery time, and heightened expectations. He’s only been in office for 12/14 months, and think about what he had to face – the collapse of the capitalist system – and i think he’s probably functioning as well as anyone could in the circumstances.’ Yet some of the forces that worked to his advantage during the election now pile on the pressure afterwards. ‘Obama is more than the man, he’s a symbol. Sometime in 2008, he went viral. In a way, we have to ask, which Obama are we talking about, the man or the poster?’ The importance of image in the modern world is not exactly unknown, and the expectations that accompany it perhaps unrealistic – although Obama can take solace in the fact that he at least got over the first hurdle, unlike some. ‘Cameron tried to pull that off here, and it backfired’.

On many levels, Obama’s success doesn’t seem to matter, and Greer likened the role that he plays in black society to the musical culture that he has emerged from. ‘For all the people who complain, there’s a bunch of little kids out there who don’t hear that, and go out thinking I want to be able to do that myself. And Berry Gordy was doing something similar, get it out there so people can see that you can be on TV.’ The importance of this is paramount. For so long, the music of black culture was exploited by the industries. Greer points out that ‘Elvis was invented to use the sound, and have it come out of a white man. Hound Dog was recorded by a black woman’. But it couldn’t last for long. Voices like Aretha Franklin’s just couldn’t be replicated. The success of the Tamla Motown label meant that exploitation by the record companies was no longer necessary, and the work of the likes of Berry Gordy and Smokey Robinson ensured that the segregated business of music began to break down some of the barriers. Most importantly though, stereotypes could be broken. ‘In the movies, black people were there for a purpose, to make you laugh, or make you cry, or to make a point’, and yet, through music, this could be challenged. Greer uses the example of the Jacksons. ‘The Jackson family weren’t rioting, they weren’t in dire poverty, they were just a normal American family, just like anyone else’s family – they just happened to have black skin. And Michael was able to punch a way through – of all people Michael Jackson… but at one point he was living a normal life.’

On the topic of TV exposure the subject switched to the inevitable. I asked whether she thought that Nick Griffin had a right to be on Question Time, or if actually she thought he didn’t, but wanted to be the one to rebuke him were he to be given the airtime. ‘I couldn’t see how they could justify keeping him off because his “party” had one about a million votes. In a democratic society, how could the BBC justify him not being on that. In the fair and honest and balanced broadcaster the BBC has to be, they have to make a judgement. And I think they made the right one. The longer you kept this clown off the air, the bigger he became in people’s consciousness.’ As for her personal involvement, she commented: ‘I decided that I was gonna treat it like a normal Question Time, I wasn’t gonna make it any big deal – even though I had enormous pressure from the outside, saying “don’t do it, you’ll give him a platform, say this, don’t say that” – it was horrific’. Clearly she didn’t approve of him as a person, but she didn’t have to do anything special to show this – although she did explain how she positioned her body with her back to him, so as to not make her look sympathetic to his cause. Not that it stopped his advances: ‘He had his hand behind my chair all the way through the set. He tried to talk to me, he gave me his card afterwards, he said we should talk and stuff… I just thought, “Man, you are de-lude-ed.”‘ In fact she hasn’t even watched what unfolded from the viewer’s perspective. ‘I haven’t seen it, because for me, it was another experience on the set with him. So in a way, if I look at him, I remember all those things… Its like surviving a car accident’. Well, it does sound similarly traumatic.

Afterwards there were many complaints suggesting that Griffin hadn’t been given a fair chance – a claim which Greer unsurprisingly rejects. ‘Some people thought he should [have been] on Newsnight, and Jeremy Paxman would have ripped him to shreds. That would’ve been kinda easy in a way.It would have been a good show and quite funny but it wouldn’t have shifted anything, the BNP could say ‘well it’s Paxman, he would do that’. Instead it was the audience who were accused of being loaded against him. ‘It was a brilliant audience, a typical London audience… and the next day, when he was screaming that he was set up: He wasn’t set up! This is London, this is the way London is. Are you too stupid to realise that the majority of London is multicultural, inter-faith, young and old, and you can’t come hear talking a bunch of rubbish and think that nobody’s gonna challenge you. You can’t do it anywhere, but certainly not in London’. Perhaps we don’t have to worry about these platforms after all, and, as Greer says ‘We can’t deny even the fascists, so we have to trust that we have the mechanisms in place, the understanding in place, so that people can judge for themselves’. And I guess if you don’t believe we have that, then you must’ve pretty much given up on democracy.

Been there, don that

0

As a PhD student, you spend about four years living in penury, indulging your every selfish and hermetic tendency. You lurch between terrifying delusions of grandeur and getting so wrought up over your unrelenting lack of profundity that your days rise and fall on the merest bit of praise or criticism. When criticism inevitably comes, you live in such a structureless bubble that, without the banal but effortlessly absorbing bureaucracy that pads out the bad days of most jobs, even the staunchest ascetic is reduced to the kind of flailing emotional wreck usually encountered in the morning methodone queue. Should you eventually, after years of competing for increasingly scarce jobs against your (decreasingly) close friends, by some chance happen upon success, the reward is yet more penury, the job security of your average dockworker and a dating pool of colleagues who are, at best, aesthetically maladapted.

The common conception of academics is that we lead a somewhat charmed existence. But despite the impression of working barely half the year, most of the holidays are spent grinding away slowly at the immiserating and all too lonely task of writing. And if the esteemed title of ‘Dr’ does, on occasion, render its bearer attractive beyond the endowments afforded by nature, most of us are only too aware that when your charm is purely structural – more directed at the office than at the individual – any transgression risks exposing us horrendously as the needy, insecure beta-people we know we already are.

So why do it, then? Trite but valid clichés about furthering knowledge and the reinvigorating enthusiasm of students aside, it’s a rare privilege to be able to say stuff you actually mean nowadays. Under the threat of being damned as depressed and incompetent if they dare to moan, people in the real world seem condemned to strive unconvincingly to persuade us all of their happiness, which manifests itself in the vacuous, aspirational rhetoric of ‘striving for excellence’ and just ‘loving being alive’. While universities aren’t entirely exempt from the prevailing culture of bland affirmation, some of us, at least, cling to the luxury of being entitled to our misery – by dressing it up in elaborate theories that feign to explain it. Long recognised as a haven for the disaffected, could it be that the ivory towers are, in fact, more real than the so-called ‘real world’? I’ll elaborate next week.

Bill Clinton, cultural landmark

0

Pre-game nerves don’t come much nervier than when you’re waiting to interview the greatest statesman of a generation. So imagine my surprise when the international icon in question – born William Jefferson Blythe III, better known as Bill Clinton – confesses he’s been feeling twitchy about meeting me.

Before we’ve even shaken hands, the former American president booms from the other side of the room: “We have a walking landmark in our midst.” It takes me at least eight seconds to realise Clinton isn’t talking about himself.
You soon come to understand, though, that he would never refer to himself in those terms. The man, quite simply, is self-effacing and humble – and today he appears starstruck to meet yours truly.

“It’s the face of the BBC,” jokes Clinton. “I’m bracing myself for your trademark brand of questioning, Peter!”

I’m a touch taken aback by how familiarly he uses my name. His own moniker, meanwhile, is one which tells many stories. As a child he was known as “Billy” – and never knew his father, the second William Jefferson Blythe, who died in a road accident three months before his birth.

At the age of 14, Billy adopted his stepfather’s surname – and it didn’t take him long to make “Clinton” as familiar to the world as the iconic White House, the ubiquitous Stars and Stripes, or the erstwhile landmark BBC news bulletin at nine o’clock which, incidentally, was where he first came to know of a certain P Sissons, a year into his presidency.

“We used to have you piped into the West Wing,” quips Clinton. Or, at least, I presume it’s a quip – until he assures me he’s deadly serious. “The thing with the American networks was always that they were so close to the action. Baying for your blood just a few hundred yards away, down the corridor.

“Of course,” he insists, “there was some exceptional journalism there. Some truly important stuff. With the benefit of hindsight, it’s a real honour to have Pulitzer-winning pens looking to skewer you.

“But there was always just something about the BBC. Its view on America was fresh, somehow, and the commentary pulsed with plain quality. I don’t know what it was…” he pauses. “Maybe distance offers a truer perspective – or, more likely, it was the personnel.”

And here, he smiles at me with deference in his kindly, warm eyes. Deference: something you come to expect as matter of course during a distinguished broadcast career, at the top of your game. Deference: something only part of me had anticipated from the ex-leader of the free world.

But it turns out to be one of the less surprising turns in our short interview, itself the result of a chance encounter at an evening party in the University of New Hampshire, where my six-stop Stateside lecture series early in the new year drew to a close. Because it’s not a chance encounter at all: he knew I was coming. Or, to be precise, his wife did.

“Hillary’s a big admirer too. One of her staffers spotted the itinerary and I was hardly going to let that pass me by.”

With strikingly boyish charm, Clinton reveals he snuck completely unannounced into the final talk – on the declining standards of British broadcast media, and the potential implications for political discourse – before making sure our paths crossed.

It turns out that politics is far from the sole love we share, though it is the topic on which we most enthusiastically share views. He, too, is a devotee of the poetry of Yeats (he claims lines such as “the centre cannot hold” both haunted and inspired his presidency), he, too, is a Francophile, and we share a thirst for all things agricultural.

I suspect there is much more I could tell him – much more common ground we could chart together – but right now he wants to hear about the upcoming UK General Election, and he’s not shy of offering some views himself.

“You’re right, this really is seismic,” he says. “The landscape’s going to change, I’m sure of it. That doesn’t necessarily denote a change of government, but certainly a change in government. I was in England a few months back, and the mood is unlike anything I’ve known before.
“The rhetoric has always been more restrained.

I don’t think the British political arena is any less passionate than America, but it’s all about expression, and motive. Zeal has always played awkwardly in the UK, and there is a definite aversion to the knee-jerk. But the metronome has suddenly become more frantic, to my eyes and ears, so it’s a whole different tempo, and rhythm.”

He won’t be drawn on who he favours – although he has previously praised the current Prime Minister’s “big brain and good heart”, and he was a vocal fan of Tony Blair’s premiership.

What he is keen to stress, though, is where his early spark for politics first found true ignition. And that’s a place we both know rather well: University College. He came up to Oxford just a handful of years after I left my High Street alma mater – but, of course, that’s something he has figured out in advance of our meeting.

“We came pretty close, eh Peter?” laughs Clinton, who arrived at Univ on a Rhodes scholarship after a stint in Democrat Senator William Fulbright’s office. “We could have made quite the team!”

It’s a flattering daydream, but this is a man with whom you just feel that ‘click’ – and, although Oxford is thousands of imaginary and real-world miles from the echoing New England hotel foyer we find ourselves in, neither of us struggles to cast back to a pre-grey era; and to picture a double act which only just failed to find itself.

Oxford clearly made its mark. He remembers sensitively and animatedly conversations aired in the shadow of Shelley’s statue; remembers political battles fought in the tutorial arena (“tougher than Congress”); even remembers his favourite newspaper of the time. You guessed it – Cherwell.

“There were some brilliant young journalistic minds, not yet trained – but, importantly, not yet bound. Some of it was clumsy, but when the hand occasionally lacked grace, the belly never lacked fire.”

Even Clinton’s sense of expression reveals the importance of his time in England, because, I suggest to him, he speaks with a familiar American lilt shaped seemingly at will by the idiom of Blighty.

“That’s another reason why I loved the papers over here, and continue to follow the English networks. You guys just… I dunno, nail it.”
Time is ever cruel, and it feels there is a whole world left unexplored when our brief interview draws to a close. “Are you sure you can’t stay for another?” suggests Clinton.

But cabs must be hailed and planes must be caught, although it’s tough to turn down another bourbon with this president of charm.

As I leave the hotel, my thoughts turn improbably to the cult American detective Columbo. I find it hard to imagine President Clinton was ever an avid watcher – but he’s a dab hand at proving people wrong, at defying those who doubt. And there is, surely, a twinge of irony as he throws me his final words: “One more thing, Peter. Can Hillary have an autograph?”
Peter Sissons was Cherwell Sport Editor in MT63, and has gone on to present BBC News, ITN, and Question Time.

Some Vague Opinions about Politics

0

I’m chilling in the Babylove toilets when a twitchy slimeball sidles up and asks to buy some mephedrone.

“Uh, like, even if I had some, I wouldn’t sell to you,” I say, feeling like someone off The Wire.

“Please!’ he cries, a tear running down his cheek. ‘I’m desperate! I’ll do anything! Listen, I’m editing Cherwell this term. Sort me out and you can be our new political columnist. What d’ya say?”

I feel torn. Primarily because I don’t really know anything about politics. I haven’t been obsessively following the latest polls. I’m not totally up to date with every bit of campaign minutiae. If you looked me in the eye, I couldn’t tell you which party stands where on any issue. It’d probably be a bad idea. But I thought again, and realised that I make up for my so-called ‘fundamental lack of the basic knowledge that might conceivably qualify one as a political commentator’ with an overwhelming and undying love for NICK CLEGG and the LIBERAL DEMOCRATS.

Yep. The Leaders Debate? I watched it. I hunkered down cross-legged in front of the TV with popcorn and a look of wide-eyed fascination as the man who would rule the country and my heart debated Gordon and Dave out the room.

Before that night, I was a lost child, running haphazardly through a political wasteland, futilely tripping over legislation and erratically bumping against random scraps of opinion like a fly in a greenhouse. But Nick’s free spirited laissez faire free market ‘fuck the man’ attitude to the political institution set me free. I didn’t know who this young Che Guevara was, or what he stood for, but I knew he could shake things up and I wanted part of that.

I leapt into action. Would you believe that before the debate I wasn’t a member of any political Facebook groups? Well, that changed very quickly. Modifying my status to something pro-Nick and vowing to disown every Tory voter I knew was only the start. Soon I’d filled my entire news feed with manifesto links, invites to LibDem events and photoshops of Clegg as the nietzschean ubermensch. To my friends I was a hero. I was Paxman. “Don’t thank me,” I said. “Just doing my job.”

But a terrible realisation crept in. I was not Oxford’s only newly-forged post-debate hotshot politico. My voice was lost against all the bickering and white noise. I realised that people might simply ignore my opinion, mistaking me for all the others. It was crushing.

Which is where this column comes in. My big chance had arrived. I decided.
“Ok,” I tell the editor. “Deal. But you have to give me a handjob as well.” He nods dejectedly.

Student journalism rules.


Next week, T-Pain has some wildly inaccurate thoughts about OUSU Constitutional Reform.

Muhammad in a bear suit? Not offensive

0

The news that South Park has offended someone is…well, not normally news. The show likes to characterise itself as an equal opportunity offender – so it’s probably more of an insult not to have been a target, just through virtue of being considered below notice. And indeed, anyone who only watched the first couple of series would not be far wrong in saying that the cartoon did often seem pointlessly crude.

One can only assume that the people behind Revolution Muslim, then, aren’t big enough fans of the show to have noticed its increasing sophistication over the years. The US-based blog warned creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker that they would likely end up “like Theo van Gogh”, after they depicted the prophet Muhammad hidden in a bear suit. Van Gogh was murdered for associating Islam with violence towards women, so the comments have attracted some attention.

“While South Park certainly insulted someone, it didn’t insult Muhammad.”

I suggest that Revolution Muslim hasn’t noticed the sophistication of the show, because the blog seems to have misunderstood the joke.

Their basic response is as follows:

1. South Park insulted Muhammad.
2. The penalty is death.
3. We aren’t trying to incite violence, but you better watch out.

You can get the rest in the link above, but that’s essentially it. The problem here is that while South Park certainly insulted someone, it didn’t insult Muhammad. There are two better candidates.

First, there are the networks, who have repeatedly bowed to threats from extremists, and forced shows to censor themselves. South Park has a history of taking issue with this – just have a look at the two part “Cartoon Wars” episodes; in them, FOX is pushed to the wall by the ever-popular family guy, who demand to, guess what, depict the Prophet Muhammad. 

“We see Buddha snorting coke with abandon”

Secondly, there are the extremists themselves, who are obvious targets for insults, having made the threats in the first place. Hence in the episode causing the current ruckus, we see Buddha snorting coke with abandon. The insult is not to the Buddha, or Buddhists – it’s actually a compliment, because it’s pointing out that they aren’t about to threaten the show’s creators with death, even for such a blatantly offensive characterisation of something religiously important to them.

So, Revolution Muslim is quite wrong – South Park hasn’t insulted Muhammad, it has insulted murderers and network executives. Which seems alright to me.

South Park is forced to make its point in this way, by (admittedly otherwise degradingly) dressing Muhammad up in a bear suit, only because of the very threats that Revolution Muslim seems to be at best predicting, and at worst encouraging.

And it really does lean towards encouraging. They claim they aren’t trying to incite violence. But then they repeatedly endorse the penalty of death for insulting the Prophet-“The renowned scholar Imam Malik said, ‘If someone says that the button of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is dirty, then he should be executed!'” At no point does the blog implore people not to seek violent revenge. So the notion that their agenda is merely to seek a better “dialogue” is pretty ludicrous; you can’t say you’re seeking a peaceful exchange of ideas, whilst both justifying and not ruling out the murder of your prospective pen-pal.

If Revolution Muslim believes that Parker and Stone should take stock of the potential implications of their actions, perhaps they should re-examine their own. Supporting violence is contrary to stopping satire of Islam.

If nobody thought that it was justified to murder on the basis of offence, South Park wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. And then they just wouldn’t do it; depicting Muhammad would be needlessly offensive and culturally insensitive, and for a show which has changed its brief from mindless scat-jokes to fairly astute commentary, there would be no fun in it.

So if anyone should watch their words, Revolution Muslim is the first on the list. 

Review: The Glass Menagerie

0

Oxford Playhouse, 20-24th April

The Glass Menagerie, currently at the Oxford Playhouse, is fantastic, beautiful, and absolutely worth your time. However, it’s also nearly sold out, so run and book your tickets now. I’ll wait… And reward you with 700 words of reasons why that was a good idea.

Done? On with the show.

Beautiful, overwhelming, intense; these are the words that you find yourself repeating when you try to describe the experience of seeing Polly Teale’s adaption of The Glass Menagerie. I was held rapt for 2 hours by the seeming effortlessness of her production.

TGM is an autobiographical work by Tennessee Williams. Drawn from his own experience of having a sister committed to a sanatorium by their Mother, the play is set in their tenement building, a poor approximation of a family home. Boundaries weaken frequently; every so often, Teale allows the set proper to fall away, as we head into the recesses of blurred fantasy and memory.

Said boundaries are further dismantled with nods from Williams himself; openly and unabashedly highlighted is the process of writing that drives the narrative proper. It’s cleverly done, and doesn’t feel labored in the slightest. Teale refers to it as all being part of her own ‘expressionist’ interpretation of the text; her success is in making that true without also demanding you work to appreciate the full impact of that.

The Wingfield family’s thirties apartment is not a happy place; neither is the inside of Williams’s head apparently. The family is made up of Tom, (effectively Williams himself), his sister, Laura, and his mother, Amanda. Laura has suffers from a lifelong disability, Amanda from a long ago divorce from which she has no plans to move on. Tom works in a shoe warehouse by day, the long hours broken up by sketching poetry in the bathroom cubicles. At night, he goes to the movies, comes home, late, and repeats. Incidentally, The Glass Menagerie of the title is a reference to the collection of souvenir decorative animals that Laura uses to escape reality, more so than is clearly good for her.

Descriptions of formalist choices and an outline of the narrative do not express what makes this such a success. TGM is, at least through Teale’s eyes, a rich, sweaty Southern fantasy. Thank the cast. Not just for their accents (but since you asked, perfect, in straddling that line between ‘authentic’ and ‘excessive’), but for their physicality. Amanda is a whirling, excitable, frantic image of a woman still learning how to deal with the real world again. Her doting on Tom, her sheltering of Laura, her tics and quirks and thoughts-out-loud, her penchant for the ‘good ole days’, her occasional instability – Imogen Stubbs gives an unmissable performance.

Three of the four characters are family; they’ve achieved an intimacy that means you’ll have no trouble believing it. No trouble, that is, until you find out that they managed all this with 5 weeks of rehearsal. Teale and the cast made vague references to rehearsals frequently involving exercises designed to drag them kicking like new-borns out of their comfort zone; a lot of screaming and raw emotion was involved, it was claimed. Do you hear that, directors of Oxford? Do not knock the Trust Circle until you have tried it. You’ll only have to look as far as Amanda ‘instructing’ Tom in drinking coffee, or the occasional diplomacy efforts by Laura on behalf of the bullheaded mother and son, for confirmation.

Polly Teale has conquered several challenges in bringing her particular vision to the stage, as well as doing so with such respect as to improve on Williams’s demandingly exact specifications for performance. She will take you by the hand, and walk you through the text, through the reality, through the memories, and through the fantasy, all of which intertwine before your eyes. The production is for everyone; a technical success for even the most hardened, jaded and cynical thesps such as my companion for the evening, and an example of what can be done with the form for novices like myself. This is Trinity. The one thing we all need right now is a bit of escapism to take the edge off of Oxford.