Released last month, Bob Dylan’s 47th studio album, Christmas in the Heart, has something to teach us, or to remind us of. It may seem an unlikely claim – since most Christmas pop music is closer to soul-destroying than festive – but some of it is actually worth seeking out.

The problem is that the stuff worth seeking out constitutes a tiny, tiny fraction of all the songs that make up the genre; discovering it is an arduous task.

There are, to be sure, a small number of good Christmas tunes which you can indulgently enjoy over the festive season – ‘Fairytale of New York’ by The Pogues, for example, or John Lennon’s ‘Merry Xmas (War is Over)’. But beyond these, finding good Christmas songs is not easy.

Of the hundred-plus recorded versions of ‘White Christmas’, for example, at least ninety are essentially indistinguishable from one another – all equally horrible. Any one of them might star on Tesco’s inevitable seasonal compilation CD without you noticing the slightest difference.

It’s unsurprising that this homogenous mass includes attempts by the likes of Westlife, Girls Aloud and Katy Perry. But the miserable list also boasts versions by a host of legends and luminaries: Ella Fitzgerald, Johnny Cash, and Elvis Presley, to name a few.

This is the strange thing, and presumably the reason why there’s so much bad, and so little good, Christmas music: singers and bands, however original, tend to lose their identities when it comes to Christmas.

David Bowie exemplifies this. Finding out he’d done a Christmas song, I was sure it’d be anything but generic and bland. And, sure enough, the first two minutes of his collaboration with Bing Crosby on ‘Little Drummer Boy’ were promising: a bizarre roleplay between the two musicians, amongst the weirdest things Bowie’s put on record. But the music itself is a dead loss. Still worth checking out the absurd video though.

When great artists do retain their identity in Christmas songs, the results can be amazing. Christmas With The Beach Boys is a wonderful album, with a version of ‘White Christmas’ that I’d actually call good. Joni Mitchell’s ‘River’ is a great Christmas song. Sufjan Stevens’ five-disc collection Songs for Christmas is also exceptional. The compilation It’s a Cool, Cool Christmas, released in 2000, features some brilliant tracks – originals as well as covers and adaptations – especially notable among which are ‘Alan Parsons in a Winter Wonderland’ by Grandaddy, ‘Just Like Christmas’ by Low, and The Flaming Lips’ spaced-out take on ‘White Christmas’.

Dylan’s latest album is a bit like these. I mean, it’s not classic Dylan, by any means, and there are some low points on it – his attempts at carols in particular – but at least it’s distinctive, which is more than can be said for most of this music; and so long as you’re not averse to his crumbly old voice, some of the versions are actually good.

It’s the end of term and I feel like I’ve worked (quite) hard. More than anything I’m looking forward to going home and relaxing over Christmas; my form of relaxation over Christmas includes eating coma-inducing amounts of food, having a drink before it’s socially acceptable and watching bad, bad TV.

I love bad TV: America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway, anything on MTV- they are my extremely guilty pleasure, the kind of guilty pleasure that creates a vague sense of nausea after, that can only be dissolved by another round of brain numbing entertainment. Vapid girls prancing around in front of botoxed judges telling them modelling is one of the hardest jobs in the world? Yes please. More American accents dressing more vapid girls whilst telling us how fashion designer is going to save the world, one hemline at a time. Oh, yes. Anything on MTV? Clear my spot on the sofa, it’s going to be a long night.

I could pretend that I love bad TV because it’s a damning indictment of the failings of modern day society, or because it’s an ironic comment on the detriments of consumerism or a wry, satiric look at the deteriorating Western society. It’s not though, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t BS my way through one of those arguments for any longer than an episode of Cribs.

I love bad TV because I know it’s bad. It’s not trying to teach me anything (except, perhaps how to claw your fifteen minutes of fame out of a weak concept for a reality TV show) and it doesn’t take itself too seriously. Bad TV is the anti-Oxford, and for six weeks of the holiday it is the antidote to lectures, essay crises, and that feeling that if you read one more thing, just one more, your brain might just explode.

The thing is, TV has been shown not to be good for us. Research has shown, in a study of 1,345 children, that three hours of TV a day made children 30% more likely to attention deficit disorder. Another study showed that young children who watch too much television have impaired language development but that children aged two to five may benefit from good-quality educational TV, enhanced when programmes are watched and discussed with an adult, according to researcher Dr Robin Close, for the National Literacy Trust. Children who watch a lot of TV, particularly of the type intended for adults, show markedly slower development. Of course, the effect will be very different for adults- but this is clearly meant to tell us something: good TV is good, bad TV is very, very, bad for you.

It is embarrassing to watch bad TV. That’s why I don’t indulge myself during term time, after being hunched over my laptop, headphones in, loading the latest episode of Trinity when I was definitely in the middle of a much publicised essay disaster. I tell my mum that there’s nothing else on and she gives me a suspicious look that says when I’m home suddenly the quality of TV seems to plummet dramatically.

I know that bad programming, the type of which I am such a fan, is leading to the dumbing down of the population, the deficit of thought and the corrosion of culture and that, despite the emergence of the internet, it is still untouchable as the prime source of our entertainment. I know, I know- I study English, I shouldn’t even have a TV in the house and if, shock horror, I do then I should be using it as the media for some sort of modern art installation commenting on, say, the failings of modern society. TV is a passive media, it requires no interaction (unless of course you want to be charged 50p for a life changing vote on X Factor…), you can only change channels or turn it off. I know I should do the latter, but I still don’t. Passivity is far easier- perhaps in the world of choice, I am simply exercising my right not to choose.

I watch bad TV because in a horrible, smug way, I can pretend to myself that I am impervious to it- maybe even slightly above it- because I know it’s bad TV. I don’t take it seriously. But, if we’re honest, that’s no excuse, really, is it? It’s probably not even really true. Maybe, I have to admit that I am just a completely average, MTV generation girl, as described in some far of market research survey somewhere- and that some TV mogul sitting a hundred floors up, in a penthouse office, knows exactly what I want to watch.

It’s the Christmas holidays, and despite the fact that this is doubtlessly the laziest time of the year, I tend to lapse into panic, fretting over the question: so what exactly I am going to do next summer?

Firstly, my adventures have to be either cost-neutral or money-earning. I am fed up of asking parents, ‘Please, can I have some more?’, and thus any travels have to be offset by the earlier earned money. Secondly, a summer has to be a learning experience in itself – I would hate it if the only memory from the summer were hung-over mornings spent waiting on tables at the local restaurant.

Below is a short list of work-related summer offerings. If you have more ideas/suggestions that were missed here, please leave a comment in the box below.

Camp America

Remember ‘Parent Trap’ with Li-Lo? Do you want to check out what happens at ‘Band Camp’? Yes, you too can be the part of the great American childhood experience by working as a counsellor or activity specialist at a summer camp in the USA. You will make BFFs (Best Friends Forevah) within minutes, you will munch on chocolate doughnuts for breakfast and be haunted mercilessly by those cheery songs (R-E-D, on our way to victory!). After two months’ work, you will be $1,000 richer and probably have many unforgettable memories. What’s more, after having got to know your fellow counsellors, you’ll never need to pay for a hotel in America again.

Work for an MP

This gem of a website is a must for anyone considering a career in politics or non-governmental organisations. Opportunities for internships are posted daily, so whether you fancy doing research for an MP or you’d like to volunteer with The World Hepatitis Alliance, all tastes are catered for. Most of the posts are unpaid, but come with expenses allowances. Needless to say, they’re all very competitive. 

London Citizens

Baskers did it. Barclay did it. So, if you want to be the next OUSU President, you should do it too. At the London Citizens Summer Academy, you tackle violence in East London, work on the Living Wage campaign and integrate migrants and asylum seekers into a happy society. In short, you will be organising communities. Get ambitious.

StudyChina

A government sponsored three-week program sending UK undergraduates to China. You pay for flights, they pay for language, Tai-Chi, calligraphy classes; trips to visit local curiosities and most importantly, accommodation. A fantastic opportunity to get to know the far East.

European Volunteering Service

I’m not sure if it’s because of most Britons’ inherent Euro-scepticism, but EU-funded projects do not get much interest. Pity, because if you manage to get through the administrative framework, they can provide experiences you will treasure for a lifetime. The European Volunteering Service provides opportunities for 19-30-year olds to undertake expenses-paid volunteering tasks in an EU country. It’s perfect for those who want to practice their French while doing something useful like working with local youth groups, or help out with the organisation of a film festival in Netherlands.

TravelAid, OSCA, ODA

“The whole university is made up entirely of head boys and girls who were sports team captains, play piano to Grade 8 standard, speak ten languages and spend their free time saving the world.” Even though OUSU cites this statement as an Oxford myth, some people really take to heart the ‘save the world’ bit. That is why each year we have hundreds of students building shacks and teaching kids in third world countries.

Internships

(www.milkround.com, www.wexo.co.uk)

If you really feel the urge to jump into the real world, milkround and wexo will be the first points of call. Milkround provides comprehensive listings of all graduate recruitment companies. £12,000 at the end of summer? Tick. Soul sold irrevocably to an investment bank? Tick. In contrast, Wexo contains an impressive database of companies recruiting for work experience positions. From ‘airy fairy’ PR industries to James Caan’s Hamilton Bradshaw, it is now extremely easy to apply for short-term positions.

Mid-September in Bangkok, our first night in Thailand. We had only just stepped out of our hostel to have a quick look around before dinner, but were now completely lost. As the setting sun’s view of the city is suddenly obscured by harsh thunderclouds, rain comes bulleting down in large, warm drops. Wet, tired and hungry, we see a man in white walksup to us, like and angel through the rain. He is smiling. ‘You from England?’ he asks with a strangely cockney accent, then, ‘My name Jimmy, you?’ We introduce ourselves. He explains that he is the security guard for the Iron Palace, but it is closed for a Thai public holiday. He says that today all tuk tuks are only 10 Baht (20p) and ushers us towards a smiling driver: Dom. Jack and I look at each other. We enter the poorly constructed vehicle and moments later we’re hurtling through the streets at breakneck speeds.

We have no idea it’s all part of a con.

For those of you who are not familiar with tuk tuks, they are essentially a cross between the back end of a rickshaw and the front of a very wide Vespa. A tuk tuk driver will eat, nap and even shave in his vehicle and can spend up to 12 hours a day cruising around for a fare. They started out as a legitimate form of transport and even today still are for Thai locals- that said, they also have an unexplained affinity for the wrong side of the road. However, about 20 or 30 years ago something changed. The massive growth of tourism in Thailand gave them a chance to make a bit of extra cash, and not simply by taking people from A to B.

Some vendors give drivers a small reward for sending potential customers their way. This evolved into the first con we encountered: The Thai Tailor Scam. Dom said he was taking us to the Golden Buddha, but he first needed to get some food for later. We assumed we were his last fare of the day, so did not question him. He stopped us outside a Tailor’s and said that we should go and have a look inside. We did. Instantly loud tailors dressed in garishly shiny clothes surrounded us. ‘What cut? What material? 2 Jackets or 3? Real Italian Silk. Deliver to Hotel. Cheap-cheap!’ ‘No we’re just looking.’ With that they lost it. They started to become increasingly hostile, insinuated that we were stealing and suggested we pay them 1,000 Baht each before we left. We said (truthfully) that we didn’t have the money and ran out into Dom’s open arms.

Some people aren’t so lucky. They get suckered in with sweet talk and are amazed at the relatively low prices. On ordering their garments they are asked to pay upfront, which they do. They will leave to find that their driver has been paid in petrol coupons and has vanished. To make matters worse, the garments either never arrive at the hotel or do arrive, but are made out of polyester or nylon and are shoddily sewn together.

Backpackers are considered slightly more discerning than family tourists due to their lack of money, however, Mr & Mrs Tuk catch them out too. The Tourist Agency scam is very much like the Tailor scam. Tuk-tuk man takes you to a tourist agency, saying it i‘Government sanctioned. You walk in, and, if you don’t have plans you get sweet talked into buying a trip with them. They say that the government also subsidises them, you believe this because it vaguely makes sense- the reason given, ironically, is ‘to stop tourists getting ripped off’. You book your extortionately priced trip, but agree to pay on the next day. Tuk-tuk man gets his petrol. He stays around this time though, takes your mobile number. You go home and check the website: It looks legitimate. You google it: it seems fine. The next day Mr Tuk calls you. He says he’s outside your hostel and waiting to take you to the agency. You don’t want to be rude, so you go and pay. Later you find the same trip for £200 cheaper in a shop window. Not so friendly to the backpacker budget after all.

Our story ends differently. We ignore the call from Dom. He waits outside our hostel but we’re not in – we’re safely down the next road in a different hostel. When he dropped us off the night before we made sure he dropped us off at the wrong place; He came back every morning for the next three days. We may have outsmarted him, but in the end it is depressing to realise that the Tuk-Tuk drivers have no other choice. The bad press from scams being blown out in the open have greatly diminished their business and has meant that often it is no longer viable for them to tuk honestly.

Tourism and greed has changed what was once a relatively respectable trade into a murky job filled with lies and fake smiles. But hey, what am I complaining for? I did get a tour of Bangkok for 10p.