Tuesday, April 29, 2025
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Awesome Anne’s hammer Hall

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On a damp and blustery day at the St Anne’s sports ground, the hosts launched their 2008/9 campaign with a comprehensive 4-0 win over Teddy Hall.

It is often said that league titles are never won with the autumn leaves still littering the floor, and although it’s far too early to talk of championship contenders, the hosts could hardly have been more impressive. Their performance oozed attacking flair, but also contained something for the purists – a back four marshalled impressively by Ryan Fox and Richard O’Duffy who stifled any offensive run that Hall could muster.

In a frenetic opening which was a welcome change to more traditional nervy first-game exchanges, both sides created several half-chances, Anne’s striker Ed Border coming closest with an acrobatic effort that flew just over the bar in the fifth minute. With their next attack, the hosts had the ball in the net, Hasan al-Wakeel latching on to Border’s through-ball and slotting home, only to see the linesman’s flag raised for offside.

With al-Wakeel and the impressive George Kynaston starting to cause both Hall full-backs some severe discomfort, one sensed that a goal was coming, and when it came there was no surprise that Kynaston was the provider. A quick throw-in down the left hand side was picked up by Kynaston, who beat two men before firing in a low cross. Stuart Clarke, charging forward from his midfield berth, arrived just in time to slide the ball past Tom Harrison in the Hall goal.

After Border had gone close with a snap-shot from close range, Clarke and his namesake, Steve, began to stamp their authority on the midfield battle, and the home side began to take charge. Both could have doubled the Anne’s advantage before the 20-minute mark, Stuart Clarke shooting straight at Harrison from long range and Steve Clarke fashioning a half-chance from nowhere that grazed the top of the bar.

On the half hour, the hosts made it 2-0, Kynaston again causing mayhem down the left. The left-winger was involved twice in a move that ended with Ed Border flicking the ball over Harrison and walking the ball into the net.

Against the run of play, Hall almost grabbed themselves a lifeline just before half-time, Tim Hoffman hitting the underside of the bar with a cross-cum-shot that had Anne’s keeper Mike Butler stranded. Hoffman nearly scored again on the stroke of half-time, but his powerful long-range effort was well saved by Butler, and Anne’s went in at the break two goals to the good.

After a sloppy first-half performance, Hall came out with much more purpose, but were again let down by their final ball. Indeed it was Anne’s who had the first clear sight of goal in the second half, Kynaston setting up Stuart Clarke, who fired into the side-netting from 15 yards.

On the hour, the hosts should have wrapped the game up, a lucky ricochet falling to Stuart Clarke ten yards out, but Harrison pulled off a terrific one-handed stop. And Hall nearly capitalised as they went straight down the other end of the pitch and came agonisingly close to pulling one back. Ed Halliday’s cross-shot fell invitingly into the path of Charlie Storey five yards out, but Butler in the Anne’s goal dived bravely at Hall midfielder’s feet to smother the chance.

The opening seemed to re-galvanise Anne’s, who had perhaps taken their foot off the pedal early in the second half, and the hosts duly made it 3-0 with their next attack. Dan Gilbert, who had played 90 minutes for the Anne’s reserves 24 hours previously, showed good energy to win the ball down the right-hand side, and released Steve Clarke whose shot was brilliantly tipped on to the bar by Harrison.

Unfortunately for the Hall keeper, the ball rebounded straight to Border, who made no mistake from ten yards out. Hall never let their heads drop, and came close through substitute Max Krahé, but with Fox and O’Duffy dominating the aerial battle for Anne’s, the visitors never really created a clear-cut opportunity to get themselves back into the game.

Border was the next to come close, as he nearly grabbed his hat-trick with a terrific solo effort, curling a 25-yarder just wide. Both teams then made several changes, perhaps seeking to assess whether any of their fresher talent had the ability to become key figures in the long season ahead, and any life that was left in the contest duly evaporated.

There was still time for Border to ice the cake, however, as he beat two men before rounding the keeper to complete a memorable hat-trick, and make it 4-0, with five minutes to go. Hall kept on fighting, and the fourth goal was perhaps a little harsh on them, but there was no doubt that Annes deserved their victory.

And so, after all the pre-term hype, and conjecture about who could mount a serious challenge to Worcester’s all-conquering presence, we have a little more idea about the aspirations of these two sides. After finishing second last year, and with expectations buoyed by such an impressive opening-week victory, Anne’s must surely fancy themselves to be the team waiting in the wings to pounce on any Worcester slip-up.

A tough game against Wadham next week ought to give us even more insight into how their season will shape up. Hall, who face newly-promoted St Catz next week in a game they will now be even more eager to pick up some points in, must improve if they are to avoid a long, hard winter.

Final score 4-0

Debate row kicks off OUSU race

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A bitter row has flared up amongst the OUSU presidential candidates just hours after they each confirmed that they would be running against one another in the upcoming election.

Luke Tryl, ex-President of the Oxford Union Society, and former JCR Presidents Stefan Baskerville and John Maher, each wrote open letters to the Cherwell revealing that would be entering the race to become head of the Oxford University Student Union.

The quarrel erupted after Luke Tryl suggested radical changes to the format of presidential debates throughout the term, but his proposals were hastily condemned by fellow candidate John Maher.

‘more informal debates’

In an open letter to the other candidates, Tryl denounced the existing hustings structure as inadequate and proposed that the system be reformed in order to allow better interaction between voters and nominees.

The letter read, “in the past students haven’t known enough about the candidates who are running for election, what they stand for and perhaps most importantly, what makes them different to the other candidates.

“Because of this I want to suggest a series of more informal debates between myself and the other candidates; which would take place across the university and in which any students would be able to attend and ask us full and frank questions.”

However, despite some initial support from fellow candidate Stefan Baskerville, Tryl’s plans have met heavy criticism from rival John Maher.

The ex-JCR President of Keble College denounced Tryl’s proposals, claiming that they were reckless and unconstitutional.

“I feel strongly that the proposals by Luke are both irresponsible and irrational,” said Maher.

“The proposals seem to undermine the OUSU constitution and moreover have the possibility of excluding potential candidates.

He added that he believed Tryl had made “a grave error in judgement” by not first discussing his ideas with the OUSU officials responsible for regulating the election, which is due to take place in 6th week of this Michaelmas term.

‘unaccountable debate’

He said, “the OUSU President is supposed to uphold the OUSU constitution and I believe it would be wholly irresponsible to hold an unofficial and unaccountable debate.

“It would be inappropriate for any candidate to consciously attempt to circumvent these rules.”

When asked for his reaction to Maher’s criticism, Tryl admitted that he had not contacted any of the OUSU executives due to oversee the campaign.

“No, I haven’t spoken to the current OUSU Returning Officer about this,” said the Magdalen College finalist.

“I don’t believe we need to run this past OUSU Council – it’s something we need to agree on now.

“We can’t wait all term for OUSU to debate it or it will take forever – they always tend to over-analyse and over-reflect without actually getting down to do anything.”

However, despite the hostile reaction from Maher, Tryl’s plans have received the full support of Stefan Baskerville.

The former JCR President of University College admitted that he agreed that the amount of engagement between students and candidates needed to be improved.

“I would like to work with Luke and other candidates to make this happen,” he said.

“My suggestion is to hold three debates in fourth, fifth and sixth weeks, with the final debate on the day before polling starts, Monday of sixth.

“I think this will give unprecedented opportunities for students to engage with the election this term.”

The full list of presidential candidates for OUSU President is not yet known as the nomination period does not officially open until October 30th.

Tryl also sent his letter to Joel Mullan, the former JCR President of St Peter’s College who rumour has it is also set to join the presidential race.

Mullan has yet to reply to Tryl’s letter or comment on his candidacy.

Madeline Stanley, OUSU Returning Officer, confirmed that she had not been sent the letter or consulted at all about the proposals.

 

New Bodleian makeover stalled

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Bodleian staff have admitted that the redevelopment of the New Bodleian is on hold indefinitely.

The news comes after the final appeal for the £29m new book depository at Osney Mead failed.

Richard Ovenden, assistant director of the Bod, said the depository’s final rejection will halt any progress, as there is nowhere else to store the New Bodleian’s millions of books.

The New Bodleian renovation aimed to transform the housing of the Bod’s collections and create a display hall to exhibit its treasures.

The depository design, which could have stored up to 8 million volumes, was thrown out amid fears that the proposed building would disrupt Oxford’s iconic skyline.
The Bodleian’s dismal storage conditions have created a crisis for the storage of their extensive archive and manuscript collection.

The National Archives highlighted the urgency of the depository plans this year, as they again granted the Bodleian a mere temporary licence to store archives and manuscripts, on the condition that storage improves.

Sarah Thomas said, “we absolutely passionately need the depository,” calling the current storage conditions “abysmal.”

Richard Ovenden said the state of the stacks was “really bad practice” at the moment.

The stacks have some fire control but no fire protection. They form, he said, a “massive forest of unprotected steel columns.” These stacks have also been overcrowded for many years, operating at an estimated 130% of their capacity.
The archive and manuscript documents must now be moved to temporary storage within existing Bodleian buildings until the depository plans can go ahead.

More than £25m has been donated to the New Bodleian Library work by the Garfield Weston Foundation, as well as £5m by Julian Blackwell, of book shop fame. Dr Sarah Thomas said, “we’ve been in contact with our donors and they’re extremely sympathetic.”

 

Sony use snap of singing student

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Alex Gyani (centre), a 3rd year at Pembroke, has expressed his frustration at an uncredited photo of him being used in press material for the Sony video game Singstar.

The image was taken at this year’s Glastonbury festival, and shows the student enthusiastically singing ‘The Final Countdown.’

Alex said, “I would quite like some recognition. I feel its unfair to use my image without permission.”

He suggested a free copy of the game would be adequate compensation, “It feels like I’ve given the seal of approval to something that I haven’t really got to critique.”

 

Dons sent back to school

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Oxford tutors are to be given extra training sessions to improve their interviewing technique.

The courses are intended to dispell myths surrounding the Oxford interview process by demonstrating that dons do not set out to trick or humiliate candidates.

Mark Wormald, a biochemistry fellow at Corpus Christi, said, “I think that the use and impact will be greater for potential interviewers than candidates. Both worry too much about the interviews and anything that demystifies what goes on has to be good.”

 

Balliol buy £3million church

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Balliol College plans to spend £3 million in order to take over one of Oxford’s oldest churches, St. Cross Church.

The church, which is the burial ground of Wind in the Willows’ Kenneth Grahame, will be converted into a Historical Collection Centre for the college’s hallowed archives.

Balliol’s new relationship with St. Cross promises to make a “long lasting contribution…to heritage and scholarship”, according to Balliol’s Master Andrew Graham.

Low attendance at local services is thought to be the main reason for the move.

 

Breast cancer cure hopes

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A vaccine for breast cancer could soon be available, according to an Oxford Epidemiologist.

Valerie Beral of Green-Templeton College said, “treatment over a number of months could lead to lifelong protection.”

Speaking during the National Cancer Research Institute Conference, she pointed to new research showing that childbirth and breast-feeding reduce the risk of the cancer.

She said that new treatments could be developed to mimic this effect.

Beral warned however that research into the area was underfunded, saying, “to my knowledge, it’s not happening very much”.

 

Igor Film Review

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Fun for all the family is a phrase used far too often when describing animated films. Shrek, The Incredibles, Kung Fu Panda; these are films which blend the colourful characters and simple plots with the more intelligent jokes and references which appease both children and adults. With Igor, however, ‘fun for all the family’ is not a gross exaggeration; it’s a bare-faced lie.

The film, set in the magical world of Malaria (a place named after a disease? Hilarious. How about Gonorrhea?) is the classic ‘unleash your true potential’ tale about Igor, the assistant of a mad scientist, who decides that he’d like to do the inventing for once.

Accompanied by his re-animated buddies, he creates Eva, a female Frankenstein’s monster, but is surprised to discover that she lacks the evil gene. There’s bonding, singing and defiance against convention, and yet there’s something severely lacking in this mediocre film.

Firstly, the visuals. There’s more than a hint of The Corpse Bride about this, but it lacks those little touches which made Burton’s vision so unique. The actual quality of animation, meanwhile, is simply average.

Even the voices behind the characters seem to lack the passion vital to a children’s film, with John Cusack’s Igor awkward beyond words and a catalogue of stars such as John Cleese and Steve Buscemi failing to impress. Ironically, it is Molly Shannon’s role as the reanimated corpse which brings life to what is otherwise a dreary and dull, if well-meaning, way to spend ninety minutes.

I would rather subject children to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre than this feeble attempt at family friendly.

17 October

1 Star

The World’s A Stage 1st Week

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In his preface to Le Balcon, Jean Genet states that the artist and poet has no responsibility to find a solution to the problem of evil; in fact, he should embrace it. The clientele circulating in the hallway of La Maison de Culture in Bourges, an Oxford-sized French town, clearly feel such moral detachment. In fact, Genet would be delighted.

The people of Bourges are referred to by their compatriots as the Bourgeois for a good reason. Longchamp bags, pearls, Barbour jackets and pashminas fill the mezzanine area of the theatre’s bar. Sound familiar? Glasses clink as the Bourgeois ascend the staircase, wishing their fellow theatre-goers a good evening, the parents of their son or daughter’s classmates at one of the lycee prives surrounding the Maison de la Culture.

Andre Malraux opened the theatre, cinema and lecture hall in the late fifties; since then, the place has thrived upon the various cultural pretensions of the Bourgeois – a retrospective of Godard just ended, and next week a professor from the Ecole Normale Superieure is coming to talk about Marivaux.

As I wind my way towards the bar area, I glimpse an American friend in earnest conversation with a man whom I later discover, thanks to the innumerable amount of Bourgeois who nod and offer him drinks, to be the philosophy teacher of a lycee prive – the deadline for references to Louis le Grand is undoubtedly imminent.

Most of the Bourgeois have taken their seats; those in the upper circle peer over into the stalls, their eyes darting in search of other parents, their neighbour with the country house in Provence, the Parisian banker who hasn’t been seen in this commuter town since Credit Lyonnais had to ask Papa for a larger allowance every month.

Le Balcon commences, runs its course and finishes. Nothing Genet would object to, as such – but this in itself he would probably find objectionable. Irma, the Mistress of the Brothel, was well played; the Chief of Police didn’t quite grasp what his role entailed.

No matter though, because how many people inside the theatre were actually following what went on? And such is the state of the theatre – not only here in Bourges, but also in Paris, in London, in New York.

Genet would no doubt agree. Upon asking his reaction not to the play, but to its audience, he would have looked me in the eye and recited an adapted version of the concluding lines of his aforementioned Preface: ‘Of course, all that I have just written does not concern an intelligent theatre-goer; he knows what he’s come to see. Mais les autres?’

 

Genre Confused 1st Week

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Mia Matsumiya builds robots. They do cool things for 30, 40 seconds; they twitch, malfunction; then they die. She calls them ‘tragibots’.

She also makes music. The creation is a similarly painstaking process, interweaving neoclassical form with structural rigidity and melodic freedom, then casting it all in terms of the guitars and vocals more familiar to doom or sludge-metal connoisseurs. We call it ‘post-metal’.

This is a genre which, though rooted amongst hardcore and metal musicians looking to express themselves beyond the verse-chorus-verse straitjacket, is now just as much home to jazz, psychedelic and even classically-trained artists. They simply want to turn up the amps and scream a bit. For each band tagged with the name, a distinct musical heritage is apparent. There are raw, fire-and-brimstone blues behind Oxbow’s The Narcotic Story, while Isis… well, Isis seem to have rather a penchant for bears. Enraged ones, specifically.
All of which might sound horribly pretentious, an accusation sometimes difficult to dismiss. Red Sparowes’ At the Soundless Dawn, an instrumental concept album about the Maoist Great Leap Forward featuring 208 words of track title, probably deserves to be so branded.

But to focus on the self-indulgence is to get caught up on the ‘post-‘; and forget that the music is still very much metal. Oxbow’s ‘Eugene Robinson’ can turn a room of lethargic, undernourished indie geeks into a convincing reinterpretation of a Hieronymous Bosch image with nothing more than his tortuous howling, while thrusting his bemuscled form at the audience. He often adds to the aura by involving the mic stand in illicit, aggressive and possibly quite painful relations.

There are more accessible styles; 15-minute orchestral-rock compositions are never going to make good football chants. This is music that demands, seizes and finally rewards, your complete attention.

The juxtaposition of power chords and piccolos might seem a perplexing one, but if you can stomach that thought and open up your mind a little bit, you will find that the music is immensely rewarding. Who, after all, doesn’t want to live the dream, and one day relish the prospect of having a tormented soul thrust his grief, and his groin, in your face, to an accompaniment of violins.