The Coral: Secret Kiss To be released You should admire The Coral. For one thing, they’re from Liverpool. It must’ve taken time to nick that many guitars and build a drum kit from purloined hubcaps. They’ve also managed to persuade the Great British Public that they’re possessed of an eclectic musical genius by being slightly wacky and spouting the brand of Scouse mysticism that made George Harrison so annoying. This sounds a bit like Jerry and the Pacemakers playing the music from a French spy film. For a Liverpudlian band they ain’t bad.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Gareth Gates: Sunshine Out Now Yes, we’re discussing Gareth Gates. Stop whinging and listen to those who know. Okay, it’s unfortunate that the first single from his new album is slightly mouldy cheese, rather than the divine slice of pop that was ’Any One Of Us’. And that ’Sunshine’ comes out as it starts pissing it down. But Gareth remains our premier pop idol, reducing popstarry- eyed 22-year-olds to shrieks and tears with a single, vulnerably quivering note. Gareth’s star quality makes him our finest popster since Take That, and the fact that I can’t remember a note of this song is utterly irrelevant.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

This isn’t a concert”, bellows Andrew WK halfway through his set, “This is a party!” “This” also has all the hallmarks of unadulterated twatrock – prepubescent fans trying their best to look over 14 or risk a lifetime’s Zodiac ejection. But it’s not. WK himself is so very polite: “You’re not like an audience,” he tells us at one point. “You’re like my family.” He sprinkles us with Evian instead of effluence, and thanks us profusely for our “most gracious welcome.” It’s been two long years since ‘I Get Wet’ and the joys of ‘Party Til you Puke’. ‘Got to Do It’ may have been eclipsed by ‘Born to Do It’ in Avid Merrion’s books, but Andrew WK has managed to hang on to his ‘Real Fans’ – who, in the meantime, have endured and survived puberty. As a tribute to their lost innocence, he sticks to what we know best, playing what the audience wants in the order it wants it – from the romance of ‘She is Beautiful’ to the climax of the night, ‘Party Hard’. He introduces only a couple of songs from the new album, The Wolf; and although ‘Never Let Down’ shows no rebate in the impacted spinal mosh trauma, lines like “I don’t wanna make love I just wanna make sex” are disappointing when matched with the old stuff. Second disappointment of the night: the scallies are perturbed by the appearance of three men in tight, white vests, and their leechlike fixation to the tour bus. Even the microdresses get the hint and go home, wondering why the penny never dropped with the Evian. “His hair’s not even greasy,” says one. They wander off, to drown their sorrows on Oxford Romance. Partying Hard just doesn’t seem so appealing anymore.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Welcome back Another term, another editorial. Some of us are coming up to Oxford for the first time, while others will be launched straight back into a familiar routine. But while Oxford may retain a timeless quality, unchanging as generations of students matriculate and graduate, there are also changes facing current undergraduates. We have a new Chancellor and the Vice-Chancellor is set to leave us within the year. It waits to be seen what impact the change in figureheads will have on our day-to-day lives in Oxford. There remain huge differences in college endowments and resources, and following last year’s student union report into college inequalities it is only a matter of time before the University as a whole will have to consider its very structure. The role of colleges in undergraduate admissions is unlikely to escape closer scrutiny in the coming months given the nationwide focus on opening access to HE. The Admissions to Higher Education Steering Group, led by Professor Steven Schwartz, launched its discussion paper on ‘the options for assessing applicants for admissions to Higher Education’ in late September which highlighted the difficulty of reaching a consensus over which critera can be used legitimately to discriminate between candidates. The return to a universal entrance examination for Cambridge applicants this year will inevitably lead to calls for a similiar system to be introduced here. It is to be expected that admissions tutors will grab any opportunity to differentiate between the hundreds of students with identical academic qualifications. Last term’s shock of proposed hikes in rents across the University has given way to a complacency in all but the most militant of quarters. Trinity is the only college to have called a rent strike and that is a half–hearted affair that is always the result of a reluctant student body being dragged into action. We would all welcome the strikes’ success but few believe that Trinity’s SCR are prepared to retreat any further from the position set out when they unilaterally ended negotiations last term. Other colleges may have offered token support for Trinity’s stand but the refusal to engage in wider scale protest signals a lack of awareness of the final nature of the current discussions on accommodation costing. On a lighter note, Michaelmas term promises both the Cuppers’ drama festival and the Christ Church regatta, both opportunities for Freshers to demonstrate embarrassing incompetence before they become too important to make such fools of themselves. For the rest of us, apart from offering wisdom and guidance, (standing back and laughing) there’s the joy of living in Oxford as the weather turns colder and wetter. And there’s always Park End.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

The Week in Words “I am impressed that you have been more persistent and pushy than the Daily Mail or the Sun.” Matthew Scott – escaped hostage and Trinity fresher, to Cherwell “We have not yet found stocks of weapons” The Iraq Survey Group “Iraq Nukes: Blair was right” The Sun’s headline following the release of the Iraq Survey Group Report “There’s a rule in drama that if you set something up, you have to pay it off.” The executive producer of Eastenders explains the return of Dirty Den. But wasn’t the set-up for him to, er, be dead? “Jesus was a magician and so am I” David Blaine “I wish I’d bought a land-to-Perspex box missile with me now” A latter-day disciple. “I’m very pro-women, I’m very much into equality. Those things are not coming out.” Arnold Schwarzenegger “The first time, you’re like, “Oh my God! I was groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger!” – the second time it’s disgusting!” One of his ‘victims’ “We are going to win the next election, I promise you.” Iain Duncan Smith “We must show the government that it is not cost-effective to screw us over.” Jo Read CUSU Officer discussing top-up fees “Conservatives: thnx 4 ur text.” Tory reply to anti-fees text messaging. Now that they’re so down with the kids, it must be true. “Do not, under any circumstances, try this at home.” Derren BrownARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003

A handful of Oxford’s leading sportsmen and sportswomen lift the lid on what it takes to succeed at the highest level… Mark Sproule (Ice Hockey): “After an undefeated regular season we came into the Varsity match confident that our team would be able to defeat a strong Cambridge squad. Scoring the winning goal in overtime was an incredible experience. The moment combined relief and exhilaration, making all of the work with the team worthwhile. It was a great moment and I felt privileged to share it with the entire team, who all played Nick Talbot (Athletics): “Athletics has been an important part of my time in Oxford. Given the fantastic traditions within the club, a particular highlight for me was beating the OUAC steeplechase record in 2002, as well as winning a record-breaking five consecutive individual Varsity Matches. Other highlights include a victory in the BUSA Championships, and claiming a team bronze at the World Student Cross-Country Championships in Spain last year.” Sarah Taylor (Judo): “Oxford judo achieved considerable success last year. Against stiff opposition, the women won a team gold medal at BUSA to add to individual Silver and Bronze medals. The sport represents a great opportunity, offering a good social life, an excellent way to keep fit and first-rate coaching for those who wish to pursue the sport at a higher level.” Nick Talbot (Athletics): “Athletics has been an important part of my time in Oxford. Given the fantastic traditions within the club, a particular highlight for me was beating the OUAC steeplechase record in 2002, as well as winning a record-breaking five consecutive individual Varsity Matches. Other highlights include a victory in the BUSA Championships, and claiming a team bronze at the World Student Cross-Country Championships in Spain last year.”ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

COLLEGE SPORT Far from being subsidiary to Blues fixtures, college sport is the staple diet of University life, generating interest, support and disciplined performances. Rowing particularly, is at the forefront of inter-collegiate competition and the prestige of rowing in Summer Eights, and indeed Hilary term’s Torpids event, is based just as much upon effort and participation as upon the technical skill of those involved. Nor do college league matches fail to produce an entertaining spectacle. Last year’s football season went right to the wire, with eventual champions New storming back from a two-goal deficit to defeat Catz in one particularly dramatic end-of-season clash. In addition, almost every sport holds an annual ‘Cuppers’ competition, where teams from each college battle in dramatic style to uphold college traditions or pull off shock results. From rugby to korfball, Cuppers is about genuine enthusiasm and commitment. Most importantly, college sport fosters a real sense of community which can be appreciated in all areas of University life.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Oxford dismiss Cambridge for an astonishing 56 runs to claim Varsity success VARSITY CRICKET Cambridge 56 Oxford 58 for no wicket It was a confident Oxford team that arrived at Lord’s for this year’s women’s Varsity match in early July. The side had enjoyed an excellent year’s cricket, leaving them certain favourites for the Nursery Ground encounter. However this had also been the case in the previous two Varsity matches, both of which had been narrowly won by the Light Blues. In a toss made all the more important by the threat of rain, Oxford skipper Kat Dickens called correctly and did not hesitate in asking Cambridge to bat first. The ever-reliable Annie Bowden and club president Felicity Allen opened the Oxford bowling. Both exploited the excellent conditions and the breakthrough came with just two runs on the board, when Olivia Sanderson was clean bowled by a vicious Bowden inswinger. The new batsman, Kent player Sarah Hill, hit two fours through the legside but, attempting a similar shot at the other end, was also bowled by Bowden. This brought Cambridge co-captain Georgie Latham to the crease to join their senior batsman Rachel Cowans with the score on 12-2. Cowans had made a slow start, but certainly has ability and her wicket was the most prized in the Cambridge side. Her downfall was a combination of a mix-up with her captain and an excellent piece of fielding by Lady Margaret Hall’s Helen Turner. Turner’s powerful throw from mid-wicket was enough to comfortably run out Cowans – and to bruise the hand of bowler Bowden. The Queen’s player was replaced with the ball by Turner herself, after a controlled display of swing bowling which gave her remarkable figures of 7-4-3-2. At the other end, Allen removed both Tab co-captains, trapping Ping Lo LBW first ball and bowling Latham for a single run, to put Cambridge on the rocks at an incredible 14-5. Kendra Butlin produced a gutsy 22 not out in nearly an hour and a half, but wickets continued to tumble. Allen finished her excellent tenover spell with figures of 3-16 and was replaced by captain-elect Helen Smith from Corpus Christi who bowled six tight overs. A direct hit from Susan Lowrey brought in the number eleven with only 42 runs on the board. Turner took the final wicket, to end with 3-21, and Cambridge had been dismissed for just 56. After this superb performance in the field, victory was a formality, but nevertheless to win by ten wickets required an excellent display by the openers. After a wayward first over conceding ten extras, Cambridge bowled tightly, but Heather Lang and Allen were more than equal to the task. Lang, like Allen, was playing in her final Varsity match, and finished it with a flourish. She hit three fours in the nineteenth over to finish on 29 not out and complete an impressive victory.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003