The Webb Brothers: Webb Brothers Out now The third album from the Chicago born Webb Brothers, sons of the famous 60s singer/songwriter, brings together all the threads of musical originality exhibited in their first two albums. Self-produced by the three siblings Justin, Christiaan and James under 679 Recordings, home of The Streets and discoverers of the Polyphonic Spree, the eponymously titled new album is unashamedly home-grown. Songs like ‘A Funny Ol’Kind of Music’ and ‘Heaven Never Letting Me In’ show off the band’s own brand of wit and jollity. The melodies, beats and generally noviced tone of the album are typical of the likes of The Strokes, The Doves and perhaps even creeps towards the sound of The Thrills. Even the sickeningly named ‘Who Wants To Get High’ survives its unfortunate moniker thanks to its confidence and freshness. The current single, ‘Ms Moriaty’, also impresses, exemplifying the ease with which the Webb Brothers make near perfect pop music. Definitely a vast improvement on their amateurish last album, Maroon.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

S Club 8: Sundown Out now Formerly known as S Club Juniors; like S Club 7, but with a higher ratio of girls to boys, and without a fat one who secretly wants to be in a nu-metal band, S Club are back. Their record company seem to have decided it’s alright for them to record a song about going out on a Friday night, complete with a bit where two of them sing a duet which hints that they might be having their first tentative fumbles in a burnt-out Ford Focus. The song’s fine, but it has great potential for the disruption of society; it’s also very attractive material for lazy Entz reps. Don’t bother buying this, you’ll be hearing it every weekend until your JCR stumps up for a new set of CDs, some time in 2009.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Turin Brakes: 5 Miles Out now The Proclaimers, once wrote a song called ‘500 Miles’. Simple mathematics shows us that it was approximately 100 times better than this. There’s a line in this about “jet planes flying too close to the ground”; it makes you wish they’d fly a little lower. Take David Gray’s worst song, remove all the charm and it’s still better than this. Turin Brakes isn’t an anagram of “tonedeaf pig-buggering fucktards”, but it should be. Didn’t really like this one tiny bit.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Blur: Good Song Out now Despite naming this song to preclude negative reviews, you can’t not like this. It’s very simple. A gentle, shuffling beat, with the rudimentary acoustic guitars, floating over the top of a bassline that sounds like ‘Walk on the Wild Side’s much happier brother. A few keyboards come in later, but really, this goes to show that Blur’s new, shambling persona is to be welcomed with open arms. The voice is the voice of a man who’s been out on the razz, and woken up with no real memories of the night before, just a general feeling of calm contentment. It’s certainly worth a few quid.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

The Coral: Secret Kiss To be released You should admire The Coral. For one thing, they’re from Liverpool. It must’ve taken time to nick that many guitars and build a drum kit from purloined hubcaps. They’ve also managed to persuade the Great British Public that they’re possessed of an eclectic musical genius by being slightly wacky and spouting the brand of Scouse mysticism that made George Harrison so annoying. This sounds a bit like Jerry and the Pacemakers playing the music from a French spy film. For a Liverpudlian band they ain’t bad.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Gareth Gates: Sunshine Out Now Yes, we’re discussing Gareth Gates. Stop whinging and listen to those who know. Okay, it’s unfortunate that the first single from his new album is slightly mouldy cheese, rather than the divine slice of pop that was ’Any One Of Us’. And that ’Sunshine’ comes out as it starts pissing it down. But Gareth remains our premier pop idol, reducing popstarry- eyed 22-year-olds to shrieks and tears with a single, vulnerably quivering note. Gareth’s star quality makes him our finest popster since Take That, and the fact that I can’t remember a note of this song is utterly irrelevant.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

This isn’t a concert”, bellows Andrew WK halfway through his set, “This is a party!” “This” also has all the hallmarks of unadulterated twatrock – prepubescent fans trying their best to look over 14 or risk a lifetime’s Zodiac ejection. But it’s not. WK himself is so very polite: “You’re not like an audience,” he tells us at one point. “You’re like my family.” He sprinkles us with Evian instead of effluence, and thanks us profusely for our “most gracious welcome.” It’s been two long years since ‘I Get Wet’ and the joys of ‘Party Til you Puke’. ‘Got to Do It’ may have been eclipsed by ‘Born to Do It’ in Avid Merrion’s books, but Andrew WK has managed to hang on to his ‘Real Fans’ – who, in the meantime, have endured and survived puberty. As a tribute to their lost innocence, he sticks to what we know best, playing what the audience wants in the order it wants it – from the romance of ‘She is Beautiful’ to the climax of the night, ‘Party Hard’. He introduces only a couple of songs from the new album, The Wolf; and although ‘Never Let Down’ shows no rebate in the impacted spinal mosh trauma, lines like “I don’t wanna make love I just wanna make sex” are disappointing when matched with the old stuff. Second disappointment of the night: the scallies are perturbed by the appearance of three men in tight, white vests, and their leechlike fixation to the tour bus. Even the microdresses get the hint and go home, wondering why the penny never dropped with the Evian. “His hair’s not even greasy,” says one. They wander off, to drown their sorrows on Oxford Romance. Partying Hard just doesn’t seem so appealing anymore.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Welcome back Another term, another editorial. Some of us are coming up to Oxford for the first time, while others will be launched straight back into a familiar routine. But while Oxford may retain a timeless quality, unchanging as generations of students matriculate and graduate, there are also changes facing current undergraduates. We have a new Chancellor and the Vice-Chancellor is set to leave us within the year. It waits to be seen what impact the change in figureheads will have on our day-to-day lives in Oxford. There remain huge differences in college endowments and resources, and following last year’s student union report into college inequalities it is only a matter of time before the University as a whole will have to consider its very structure. The role of colleges in undergraduate admissions is unlikely to escape closer scrutiny in the coming months given the nationwide focus on opening access to HE. The Admissions to Higher Education Steering Group, led by Professor Steven Schwartz, launched its discussion paper on ‘the options for assessing applicants for admissions to Higher Education’ in late September which highlighted the difficulty of reaching a consensus over which critera can be used legitimately to discriminate between candidates. The return to a universal entrance examination for Cambridge applicants this year will inevitably lead to calls for a similiar system to be introduced here. It is to be expected that admissions tutors will grab any opportunity to differentiate between the hundreds of students with identical academic qualifications. Last term’s shock of proposed hikes in rents across the University has given way to a complacency in all but the most militant of quarters. Trinity is the only college to have called a rent strike and that is a half–hearted affair that is always the result of a reluctant student body being dragged into action. We would all welcome the strikes’ success but few believe that Trinity’s SCR are prepared to retreat any further from the position set out when they unilaterally ended negotiations last term. Other colleges may have offered token support for Trinity’s stand but the refusal to engage in wider scale protest signals a lack of awareness of the final nature of the current discussions on accommodation costing. On a lighter note, Michaelmas term promises both the Cuppers’ drama festival and the Christ Church regatta, both opportunities for Freshers to demonstrate embarrassing incompetence before they become too important to make such fools of themselves. For the rest of us, apart from offering wisdom and guidance, (standing back and laughing) there’s the joy of living in Oxford as the weather turns colder and wetter. And there’s always Park End.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

The Week in Words “I am impressed that you have been more persistent and pushy than the Daily Mail or the Sun.” Matthew Scott – escaped hostage and Trinity fresher, to Cherwell “We have not yet found stocks of weapons” The Iraq Survey Group “Iraq Nukes: Blair was right” The Sun’s headline following the release of the Iraq Survey Group Report “There’s a rule in drama that if you set something up, you have to pay it off.” The executive producer of Eastenders explains the return of Dirty Den. But wasn’t the set-up for him to, er, be dead? “Jesus was a magician and so am I” David Blaine “I wish I’d bought a land-to-Perspex box missile with me now” A latter-day disciple. “I’m very pro-women, I’m very much into equality. Those things are not coming out.” Arnold Schwarzenegger “The first time, you’re like, “Oh my God! I was groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger!” – the second time it’s disgusting!” One of his ‘victims’ “We are going to win the next election, I promise you.” Iain Duncan Smith “We must show the government that it is not cost-effective to screw us over.” Jo Read CUSU Officer discussing top-up fees “Conservatives: thnx 4 ur text.” Tory reply to anti-fees text messaging. Now that they’re so down with the kids, it must be true. “Do not, under any circumstances, try this at home.” Derren BrownARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003