An extraordinary thing happened in Oxford UCCE’s game against Hampshire. Oxford declared on the final afternoon, setting Hampshire a target and giving both sides a chance of victory. Even the most assiduous watchers of Oxford cricket couldn’t remember the last time Oxford had been in a position to set up a game. Hampshire needed 291 to win, at a rate of nearly six an over. They were 141 runs shy of their total, with six wickets and just under 17 overs remaining, when a downpour put pay to any further cricket. The premature end was perhaps a greater disappointment for Oxford than the county side. With the spinners, Michael Munday and Paul McMahon, bowling in tandem, Oxford were looked genuinely threatening. The chances are that Hampshire would have blocked the proverbial out of it the moment they sensed they could lose, but there was always the hope that a combination of luck and inspiration might have seen Oxford through to a victory. Munday and McMahon bowled excellently. Munday, a leg spinner in his first year at Corpus and contracted to Somerset, bowled his first over for 12 runs. His next eight went for just 21, while at the same time he picked up three wickets. With the addition of Jamie Dalrymple – currently unavailable due to finals Oxford will field a spin bowling attack in the Varsity Match better than that of many counties. Hampshire, missing most of their big names, were furious at the lateness of the declaration. In particular, veteran spinner Shaun Udal, perhaps made unusually tetchy by the plight of West Ham, waved for Oxford to leave the field. He felt that their decision to declare on the second day to give Oxford a chance of setting a total had been snubbed by Oxford declaring 30 runs too late, to set up an extremely unlikely run-chase. Had they known it was going to be a draw, they might have batted on in their first innings. But from the Oxford perspective, it was understandable that they wanted the extra safety of making Hampshire force the pace. Oxford’s position in this game was almost entirely due to excellent innings from Joe Sayers and Ed Cowan. The latter, a former Australian under-19 batsman, made 99 off 148 balls, as Oxford sought quick runs to set up the declaration. He fell to an excellent piece of bowling from Udal and a low bounce. Looking to push the ball into the leg-side for this century, Cowan played across a quicker ball and was lbw. After a rapid start, Sayer’s first innings century was altogether more sedate. He slowed considerably as he neared his 50 and then his 100. But it was not a worse innings for lacking a shot-a-ball. On a pitch with increasingly uneven bounce and against a lively Hampshire attack, it was just the sort of innings that an opener should play. By the time he was ninth out for 122, he had shepherded the Oxford score to 273 – a total the last pair increased by eight. Hampshire were posed few problems in their first innings. McMahon bowled well, as, at times, did Tom Mees. Former Oxford blue Will Kendal made a century and Lawrence Prittipaul, a distant cousin of West Indian batsman Shivnarine Chanderpaul, made an unbeaten half-century. With the dismissal of Kendal, Hampshire declared, 19 runs behind Oxford’s first innings total, to try to get a good finish. It almost worked.
ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

Oxford postgraduates will soon find themselves scouted by exam boards to mark A-level and GCSE scripts matter of months after sitting their own finals, and just a few years after taking their own A-level exams. Last year’s pilot scheme, which saw Edexcel employ 16 postgraduates as examiners, was so successful that the Education Secretary, Charles Clarke, has approved the wider use of postgraduates this summer. Professional examiners have expressed disappointment at the widespread use of postgraduate students, with no experience of either teaching or marking. Edexcel’s response was “We will use experienced examiners first,” although the board told Cherwell it expected employ around 110 postgraduates this year. The other exam boards are yet to confirm whether they will be using postgraduates this summer, although it seems likely that most will be forced to use them in the future. The Joint Council for General Qualifications, which represents exam boards in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, said that the postgraduates performed “above standard.” Spokesman George Turnbull said, “The important thing is that people are appropriately qualified and able to keep to a mark scheme and mark on time to an appropriate standard.” The task of achieving this balance ought to be a familiar one to most Oxford students, but no Oxford postgraduate has so far applied for job as marker. Yet the exam boards are facing more scripts this year than ever before, so those wishing to earn some quick cash after leaving university are likely to find them extremely receptive.
ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

There were red faces all round at the Oxford Union last Saturday after an extremely low turnout for the Toga Party. Out of a planned attendance of 300, only 90 people bought tickets for the event organised by Secretary Ed Tomlinson. The Union was expecting a low turnout but still ended up catering for twice as many people as actually arrived. The event, billed as a ‘funnus maximus’ ‘maddus partius’, turned out to be very good value for money for those who did attend there was enough drink for every guest to receive at least one bottle of wine and unlimited alcopops. Ed Tomlinson, who is expected to run for Union President at the end of this term, said, “It was a very good event and an enjoyable time was had by all.” He suggested low attendance may be due to the number of balls over the last two weeks. Standing Committee formally thanked Tomlinson. However a member of the committee, speaking to Cherwell, warned “Using such slogans as ‘maddus partius’ are unlikely to appeal. The Union needs reconsider how it runs big events.” This event underscores the difficulty the Union faces in organising social events. Earlier this term, Union cancelled the ‘Dinner Love’.
ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

St John’s has plans to build a new quad when it resumes control of land on St. Giles. The site, though belonging to the college, has been leased out to the university for number of years now. But in 2005, St John’s is to repossess the land. The JCR is in favour of situating a new joint JCR-MCR common room there, with a new quad and facilities for both undergrads and post-grads. However, the St. John’s bursar stressed that nothing has been agreed upon. The college is keen to provide accommodation for all of its students, within its confines, according to the bursar, but the land will “probably be used for a variety of purposes.” Some of the other suggestions so far have been to use part of it for art studios and a gallery, or to create some soundproof music rooms where students can practice. Yet as the richest college and large landowner, some have raised questions about whether St John’s money might be better spent elsewhere. In the light of the Student Union’s recent inequality report, a St John’s student asked “Do we really need another quad? Why doesn’t the SCR use its money to help the University as a whole instead?”
ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

Antonella Magnani, 28, recently sat her final law exam while in labour in a hospital delivery room, after college authorities concluded that giving birth was not a valid reason for missing the exam. In her final hours of labour, a team of eight examiners arrived to question her on exam topics such as marketing and public rights. She was reportedly “very calm”, even when the contractions started to become more regular – and gave birth to a daughter, Giulia, two hours after the examiners had left the room.
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A Chilean student is auctioning off her virginity to pay for her last two years on a Modern Languages course. The 21-year old, who wished to remain anonymous, said “I will provide a certificate signed by a doctor to prove that I am a virgin. No man has ever touched me.” The auction is being conducted by Radio CRC, and the bidding started yesterday at £350 – with the opening bid coming from a member of her college’s teaching staff. The college had no comment on this particular aspect of tutor-student relations.
ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

Angry York residents are lying in wait every night for unsuspecting student revellers, after the University’s Vice-Chancellor has offered a reward for information relating to “rowdy and drunken” student behaviour. Students who are successfully identified by the elderly vigilantes will face a fine of £100, with the possibility of community service and even potential expulsion from campus. The appeal for information sets out a list of “unacceptable student behaviour” including “shouting,” “dancing,” and “riding shopping trolleys at high speeds through residential areas at night.”
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He walks into the council chamber of the town hall, dressed in a black leather jacket and jeans, and proffers his hand firmly when I introduce myself. This was the man who in 1987 beat incumbent Roy Jenkins, the late Chancellor of this Univeristy, in Glasgow Hillhead to enter the Commons for the first time. And he’s been a rebel there ever since. Galloway was recently suspended by the Labour government, pending an inquiry for alleged “behaviour that is prejudicial or grossly detrimental to the party.” He is now pursuing a libel suit against the Telegraph, which accused him of accepting money from Saddam Hussein. He calmly told me he believed the allegations against him by the Telegraph and the establishment were racist or connected to the fact that his wife is Palestinian. “Anyone who wants to smear anyone associated with the Middle East or Arabs will pick on two things – homosexuality and money – and 20 years ago the Telegraph tried that on me.” He paused before adding, “There is a lot of Islamophobia and anti-Arab sentiment in the West. Muslims are being accused of many things and anyone who stands with them is among the accused.” His composure turned into fiery oratory as he began his speech moments later. Part defence statement and part political rally, tinged with occasional humour about escaping hanging thanks to the EU, about continuing to speak his mind inside or outside Wormwood Scrubs, about intelligence dossiers Austin Powers would be embarrassed by. It wasn’t hard to see why “Gorgeous” George has retained his current support despite recent troubles. Galloway takes a tough stance against his accusers, warning any paper repeating “crude forgeries” that his lawyers would “severely punish those who publish those lies about me.” Galloway believes he is “fair game for the most brutish assaults because the stances that I make are intensely controversial. People can attack me in a vicious way at will, but I will not allow people to tell lies about me.” He slams those controlling the Telegraph – Richard Perle, Henry Kissinger, Margaret Thatcher – for pursuing their own agendas against him and attracting applause as he said “if you can measure someone by their enemies, well I’m particularly blessed.” He is confident of his case, as he tells reporters outside later, “I don’t require you to believe or not believe. The important point is that the High Court in London will adjudicate on this matter.” He challenges the enraptured audience, and his popularity isn’t restricted to those against the war, “This is the point I was trying to make to you earlier about freedom of speech. Are we really content to live in a country, where an elected politician or any citizen, should be threatened with going to prison for speaking their mind?” He further maintains that he did not call on British soldiers to refuse to obey orders as alleged by The Sun, rather he called on them to refuse to obey illegal orders, “which happens to be a legal requirement on all armies and on all governments in the world since Nuremberg.” Nevertheless, The Sun intends to prosecute him for treason. Galloway makes his stand against the occupation of Iraq. The “real criminals” were those who “took us to war on an entirely bogus false prospectus” to enrich George Bush. The real looters of Baghdad were “the men in pinstriped suits who would arrive and begin looting Iraq’s oil wealth and parcelling out the contracts for the reconstruction of a country they have only just finished deconstructing.” No-one is spared Galloway’s fury in his attack against neo-imperialism. George Bush is “a man with the mind of a child”. Jay Garner, “a redneck Texan”, is “an ignoramus in an American uniform”, telling Iraqis what to do. “This is rejected in the world”, Galloway states. The anti-war movement is not an isolated one, he reassures the audience. It is part of a global movement, the biggest of its kind. Britons have been “grievously compromised by Mr Blair’s decision to put us in the first ranks of the hated. We marched a lot of people to the top of the hill, we’re not going to march them down again until we’ve changed this country for good.” As for the future of the party that suspended him, it “has to be recaptured by its membership to its ideals, or a new party has to be born. Thatcher left Downing Street in tears, and I predict that Tony Blair will go the same way.” His strong words weren’t just for “the real criminals”. Mobbed by reporters as he left the town hall, he expresses his disapproval of protestors from the East Oxford anti-war movement disrupting Andrew Smith MP at a recent event. “I think demonstrating outside is fine, but everyone has their right to speak, just as I have the right to be heard.”
ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

Schizophrenic weather changes, grass stains, undercooked beefburgers, and a mixed-bag of bands: last weekend, Wadham College managed to recreate the authentic summer festival feeling with Wadstock, the daddy of student band events. The diversity of the styles represented frequently left the inebriated audience befuddled by the sudden transition from accessible folk music to angsty cathartic metal. Openers, the Wadham Swing Band eased the early arrivals into the proceedings with an innocuous and chilled-out set, which didn’t quite prepare us for the distorted aural assault of Advert From TV. Initially insipid and lacklustre, the band warmed up to belt out a medley of The Hives-influenced rock sounds. Follow-up act Saturday Night Suicide peddled that generic indie-schmindie punk with which we’re all a bit too familiar. However, they managed to raise themselves above the banal with the occasional flamenco guitar moment, and a dash of Smashing Pumpkins-esque melodic rock.
The Alternotives, a cappella group fronted by two sweetvoiced darlings, got the audience going with well-known tracks like ‘Kiss The Rain’ and ‘Like A Prayer’. The group clearly have talent in spades, but the grubby faux-festival atmosphere did them no favours, the backing singers frequently slipping out of step with the lead vocalists. At Risk were a cut above the average rawk band, fluctuating between heavy distortion and melancholic introspection, with innovative electric violin moments thrown in for good measure. Even those who weren’t enamoured by the prospect of ‘rocking out’ in the rain could nonetheless appreciate the eye candy of a Brian Molko-alike guitarist, just one of the obscenely attractive band members. More visual treats were in store, the compère informed us drunkenly, in the shape of Rich Reason, vocalist, guitarist and purveyor of all manner of random instruments, in Vaughan. The compère needn’t have talked them up, for Vaughan were undoubtedly the most technically competent and refreshing act of the day, marrying eclectic jazz, funk, rock and folk sounds in a sonic onslaught that was consistently surprising and upbeat. The audience was also treated to trumpet-playing, a violin solo and swift hand manipulations on the decks, gaining a genuinely enthusiastic response.
So as the sun set over Wadham, now littered with plastic cups, and drunken students, the college could breathe a sigh of relief. Not merely the satisfaction of having pulled off a monster band event, but also the relief of having a whole year to recover before Wadstock 2004. Every student worth his Belle and Sebastian cds and designer denim will be waiting with bated breath.
ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

I want to bottle-fuck you slowly with my sunglasses on. Well, there’s something to try out next time you’re in Filth. Yum. These are words spoken by Eric Packer, the central figure in Don DeLillo’s new novel, Cosmopolis (Picador, £16.99), to one of his many women. The moral throughout the book is the corrupting power of capital: DeLillo creates a Capitalist nightmare/ dream in which he places a man utterly devoid of human sensation. His only forays into feeling consist of bestial urges, eating and screwing. And abusing drink receptacles too, apparently. Ultimately, the super-rich, superbright twenty-something dot com entrepreneur discovers that his only hope of escape from a dampened existence is in his own destruction at the hands of a rambling former-employee. DeLillo has been internationally lauded and won many awards for critically acclaimed best-sellers like Americana and more lately, Underworld. I haven’t read either. If I were to judge this author by this book, I wouldn’t bother. It’s never nice admitting publicly that you aren’t impressed by a book, especially one that seems to promise so much. Reading it, you can’t help but feel that it’s a bit of a cop-out – the half-fulfilment of an idea that could be fascinating, were it not something we are already aware of and familiar with. His prose is blunt with its own poetic concision, but is never quite as punchy as he might have hoped. There are brilliantly executed moments in the novel. For example, some of the most interesting passages in the book are those that depict Packer’s thoughts as he lies awake before starting his day. The theme of order against disorder, patterns in chaotic economy, is also effective and cleverly wrought, as is Packer’s unsettling indifference to almost everything around him. Overall, though, it’s somewhat disappointing. It’s not that this book lacks style or interest – DeLillo’s images of a bleak, looming city are effective, as is the fragmented, passionless progress of Packer’s day, giving form to the notion of the loss of human sentiment. Once you grasp the direction in which the novel’s headed, though, nothing spectacular happens; maybe DeLillo intended this, but it doesn’t bring anything to the narrative itself.The flaw of this book is that it reveals nothing particularly new. We have now all heard of Anti- Capitalist movements, and their arguments; we have all witnessed immense political and corporate ambition. Cosmopolis, then, presents a strong dystopian vision, and one that is, in itself, not impossible to foresee. Read it, by all means, and enjoy its many strengths but don’t hope for much more than a depiction of how a modern yuppy realises the vapidity of his existence.
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