Wednesday, April 30, 2025
Blog Page 87

Mistakes and Markers of Time

Whilst I was procrastinating in the Rad Cam a couple of days ago, I glanced down at my hand, and for the first time in a while, I properly looked at one of the tattoos I had gotten two years ago. Of course, I catch sight of it every day as I’m washing my hands, typing on my laptop, and cooking, but I don’t often actually look and think about it. Part of the reason I so infrequently admire it is because when I do, I have to face the fact that it’s slightly wonky, weird-looking, and faded, as a friend of a friend ‘stick and poked’ me in her mum’s sitting room. The reason it is slightly wonky is because, during the process, I refused to tell her that I wanted the stencil position to be moved slightly to the right. I was too scared I would upset or offend her, so I let her tattoo my wrist knowing it looked off-centre. Because at that time in my life, I would have truly rather permanently altered my appearance in a way I didn’t quite like rather than stand up for myself. I understand how stupid this might sound to some of you. But now, when I look at my wrist, I don’t regret my choice, I look at it fondly.

It’s very easy to criticise and cringe at old pictures of yourself, wondering how your mum ever let you leave the house in your most treasured white ripped ‘joni jeans’, or knee-high DM boots. But to me, this evidence acts as such a time capsule. Dying my hair has been an important part of my identity since I first coloured it baby pink at sixteen. For some people, different scents or songs can transport them to different times of their lives, but for me, hair colour acts as a marker of time. My hair has been pink, bleached blonde, silver, black, red, brown, copper, blonde, and brown again. It’s a bit of a cliché that when faced with change you completely alter your hair, but I have to admit that when I broke up with my first boyfriend, I immediately chopped it all off and dyed it black. Similarly, before I came to university, riddled with anxiety about how I was going to be perceived, I got way too many layers cut and dyed my hair copper. And whilst I’ve learned to regulate this tendency, I refuse to feel remorseful.

It saddens me now to see teens of eleven, twelve, and thirteen wearing ‘trendy’ outfits, compared to the likes of influencers like Molly Mae or Matilda Djerf. It feels like these young people are missing out on ‘rite of passage’ experiences. Because without all those whacky outfit choices, and crazed makeup looks I’m not sure I would have found my style. Experimenting and messing up is an important part of building your distinct identity, and if we have children who never did this due to the pressure from social media to be ‘cool’, individuality is going to decrease. Amongst pre-teens, the rise and dominance of brands such as ‘Lulu Lemon’ which emphasise neutral tones and basic silhouettes are adding to the loss of originality. And that is not to judge older people who enjoy this style. It’s just I’m sure those adults had time to experiment with different styles before choosing that as their own. But when eight-year-olds on ‘TikTok’ are in matching beige sets carrying a ‘Stanley’ cup half the size of their head, you’ve got to wonder how we got here and what is to become of a new generation whose life is so documented online that they cannot bear to make mistakes or laugh at themselves. How do you ever move forward or become self-aware without learning from disastrous decisions that are only forgivable because of your youth?

These days, I wear my closed-up piercing holes and grown-out layers with pride. Each story behind them might not be my proudest moment, but I’m glad I have literal, lasting marks on my body to remind me of memories I would have otherwise forgotten. We live in an age of impulsivity and impatience, and whilst many of my piercings and hair changes happened for those exact reasons, I’m glad they led to physical reminders of all the experiences I’ve collected across the years. Because whilst the minute stick-and-poke flower on my right hand’s middle finger might often be wrongly identified as fireworks, shooting stars, or, in its worst moments, a magic wand, I get to always hold the memory of that drunken night with my two school friends when we gave each other the tattoos. And I’m certain that was not my last dodgy tattoo or failed fashion choice. But I look forward to reminiscing about the stories behind my future ‘mistakes’. 

Ebrahim Osman-Mowafy elected Oxford Union President

Ebrahim Osman-Mowafy running for the #Drive slate has been elected Union President for Michaelmas Term 2024 with 389 first preferences. The election was a change of pace for Union politics, with three slates competing for each position compared to the last two terms, which had just one slate running. 

The count took over 19 hours, starting at 9pm on Friday and continuing until 4pm on Saturday. The length of the count was attributed to the number of candidates running in the election, with 40 candidates running for Secretary’s committee.

Collins received 397 first preferences compared to Osman-Mowafy’s 389, but because of the single transferable vote system, Osman-Mowafy ultimately won. 

New rules heavily restricting online campaigning also came into effect this term with the aim of minimising frustration with social media hacking. The restrictions meant that candidates were only allowed to post their manifestos on public feeds, but these regulations did not apply to private messaging. 

Aryan Dhanwani was elected Librarian with 430 first preferences, running for the #Motion slate. 

Anita Okunde was elected Treasurer with 420 first preferences, running for the #Drive slate.

Robert McGlone was elected Secretary with 409 first preferences running for the #Motion slate.

The following candidates for Standing Committee positions were elected, in ascending order: Shermar Pryce, Moosa Harraj, Danyal Admani, James MacKenzie, Hugo Roma-Wilson and Rachel Haddad Moskalenko. As the candidate to be elected with the most first preferences, Haddad Moskalenko will probably be the Secretary in Trinity 2024. This is due to the shake-up in the Union following the Appellate Board’s decision for next term’s leadership. Runner-up Sidd Nagrath will likely be on Standing Committee as a result. The exact line of succession is, however, yet to be announced by the Appellate Board.

The Returning Officers were not able to finish counting the votes for Secretary’s Committee, saying that they were “unable to return a true result for the Secretary’s Committee within this timeframe.” As a result, counting was adjourned to begin at 11am on Sunday. 

Counting for Secretary’s committee was concluded at 2pm on Monday. The following candidates were elected, with number of votes in ascending order: Ammar Ansari, George Abaraonye, Prajwal Pandey, Vee Kumar, Raza Nazar, Jake Peto, Devon Darley, Yashas Ramakrishnan, Zizheng (Tom) Wang, Zarin Fariha, Ben Murphy. 

This term’s election saw 1158 valid votes cast, a significant increase from the 987 cast in MT23 and 590 in TT23.

St Peter’s Boat Club officially breaks world record

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St Peter’s Boat Club has received confirmation that it successfully broke the World Record for the Longest Continuous Row, after rowing for 10 consecutive days on a single rowing machine. The previous record of seven days had been set by Hull University Boat Club in 2019.

Over 70 people participated, handing over the handle of the rowing machine without ever letting the flywheel stop spinning. Shifts would last between half an hour and two hours – some rowers, completing multiple shifts, rowed up to 12.5 hours over the course of the event. Those who volunteered, from students to the college master Judith Buchanan, covered 2,620,927 metres in those 240 hours. For the rowers reading this article, the average split was of 2:44.8/500m.

“Graveyard shifts” in the middle of the night proved to be quite different from those in the middle of the day when the Junior Common Room – the erg’s location during the event – filled up. Rowers were kept entertained as films and music played at all times. The challenge even survived a BOP night, as the erg was carefully safeguarded in the corner of the room. The former rowing Olympic umpire Judith Packer, who had started rowing during her studies at St Peter’s, also hopped on a video call to encourage the rowers to pursue their efforts. To add to the fun, rowers were dared by donors to wear funny outfits. Notable mentions are the morph suit and the prison jumpsuit.

The team started a GoFundMe, which received 102 donations, accounting for a total of £4,345. 70% of this revenue will go towards the Boat Club, to elevate coaching standards and subsidise costs for training camps and races. The remaining 30% will go towards St Peter’s College Access and Outreach programme, which is aimed at encouraging students from underrepresented backgrounds to consider applying to Oxford.

Academic pressure and the overachiever mentality

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Academic intensity should not be something foreign to Oxford students. Indeed, I became acquainted with this idea before even coming to university – growing up in Singapore in a traditionally Asian household, the importance of academic excellence and achievement was constantly reinforced by schools, teachers, parents, and even politicians. I didn’t bat an eye when my friend slept for 3 hours every day in the weeks before A-levels to revise. All-nighters and skipping meals to study were the norm. In a system that prizes academic achievement above all else, it can be easy to forget that there is more to life than grades on a sheet of paper. Students, however, tend to forget this – which is why, on A-level results day in Singapore, certain schools have their balconies and higher floors cordoned off to students.  

We are often told that many years down the line, we would realise grades don’t matter, that life is more than tests and exams. To the young, naïve teenagers whose lives revolve around school, this can be hard to see. Exams inevitably consume our life ; they become the benchmark against which we assess our self-worth. Students with stellar scores are singled out and showered with praise from teachers and parents, and those who make it to prestigious universities are showed off as having ‘made it’. But what about those who don’t? When everyone strives to be exceptional, some inevitably end up becoming merely ‘mediocre’. This gives rise to the central problem surrounding academic pressure and the ‘overachiever’ mentality — that while we are fully aware of its harms, everyone still strives to ‘overachieve’, for fear of being left behind, of being ‘mediocre’. 

In China, such a phenomenon is termed ‘involution’, and refers simply to the feeling of being trapped in a never-ending rat race even when one knows it is meaningless. Recently, for example, media outlets in the UK reported on a girl studying 28 A-level subjects. Most UK students only do 3 or 4, so taking 28 subjects at once is highly unusual. Even so, the fact remains that someone out there is taking 28 subjects, and the fear of losing out would compel other students to follow suit, even if they know doing so is ultimately pointless. We subscribe to the ruthless study culture not out of genuine motivation to do well, but rather out of a deep-seated anxiety and fear of what would happen should we ‘lose out’. 

We cannot view academia in a non-competitive light. A-levels and university admissions are, after all, a zero-sum game – students compete for limited spots in university, with the first yardstick for admission being grades. However, academic pressure isn’t all bad, and standardised testing, while not without flaws, is still the best option in light of the lack of popular alternatives. 

A trend common across Asian societies is that competition during university admissions tests, be it the Gao Kao in China, the Suneung in South Korea, or the A-levels in Singapore, is unforgivingly ruthless. Nevertheless, I don’t think this should negate the intention of these standardised tests – to give everyone an equal shot at their own future. In China, for example, hundreds of thousands of students from rural villages sit the Gao Kao each year, because it is their only ticket to a university and (hopefully) a brighter future in a big city. Often, they carry the weight of the generations before them to finally break out of the poverty cycle. It is easy to espouse the idealistic notion of ‘do what you love’, but the harsh reality is that you can’t always do what you want or love. These students from rural areas cannot achieve their dreams unless they first have the grades to access such opportunities in the big cities. Grades, to some extent, give you the power of choice – they allow you to choose the kind of life you want to lead, instead of being forced to settle for something else because your grades couldn’t make the cut. In the wise words of Oprah Winfrey, you have to “do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do”. 

I believe that there is merit in pushing yourself to academic excellence – looking back, I don’t regret having pushed myself while taking my own A-levels, because it showed me the value of hard work, perseverance, and brought me here to Oxford, where I’ve met so many amazing people and seen things I couldn’t have seen in Singapore. I also believe that exams are not do or die, and there are times where academic pressure turns worrying or deadly. It can harm students’ mental health when they overwhelmingly associate academic achievement with their self-worth, or when sub-par exam results begin to feel like the end of the world. It can be hard to reconcile these two realities, but the key, I suppose, lies in striking a healthy balance. 

I don’t think it is a bad thing to be an ‘overachiever’ or ‘try hard’, or in testing your limits to see how far you can go. But I also believe that such a mentality can and should be applied to goals outside of academia, because while it can be easy to feel inadequate when you fall behind academically, we are not one-dimensional creatures who only know how to study and sit for exams. I’ve known people who are athletes competing in global tournaments, or musicians playing in sold-out theatres, or published poets and writers. You don’t have to be the best academically that you possibly can be. You only have to be the best that you can be. 

The patience of ordinary things

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By the time this column reaches print, 7th week will be over, and the term will, officially, be coming to a close. 

Rooms will be packed up, fridges cleared out, goodbyes exchanged – and I, along with a large proportion of Oxford’s student population, will go home. 

And what better time to consider the term retrospectively, than at the approach of its ending? 

And, for me at least, it is a hell of a retrospective. This term, after the obligatory settling-in of Michaelmas, I had one resolution on my mind; to get involved with the most outlandish student societies I could find. 

This, of course, is a promise more easily made than realised. I have been patiently waiting for admission into the Oxford University Change Ringers’ Facebook group since early January – in hindsight, my multiple references to The Hunchback of Notre Dame probably did little to earn me a place amongst their ranks. My attempts to attend the Cheese Society’s tasting nights have always ended with me, forlorn and cheese-less, blankly staring at  the ‘sold out’ Fixr notification that seemed to appear almost before the tickets themselves went up. I may work hard – but Oxford’s cheese-tasters work harder. 

On the (humiliatingly rare) occasions in which I am actually allowed into these events, experiences within them are varied, to say the least. I have a bad habit of seeing posters without reading them, and making up my mind to attend without really understanding the nature of the events they advertise – which is to say, I have sat, sober, in one too many crafting sessions that, (in my defence) I had no way of knowing were hosted by the Psychedelics Society. 

Save for the fact that it was written on the poster, of course. 

My natural gift for spouting confident nonsense, combined with a natural inability to admit the (extensive) limits of my knowledge, have guided me through (and possibly ruined) countless society debates. 

My reputation as an ill-advised-extracurricular-enjoyer precedes this column, and will most likely outlive it. Given the amount of life-drawings, society drinks, and painting evenings that I have dragged my long-suffering friends to, it is not an unearned title. And while not always invoked in a complementary manner, it is not a title I resent. 

My experiences in these societies may well be varied; but it is the variation that makes the experience so worthwhile. My humbling encounters in Psychedelic Society crafting sessions and awkward debates have left me with so much more than just some poorly made scratch-off art and burning animosity towards students I will likely never see again. At least, I hope so. 

One of the big ‘sells’ of university, so to speak, is its value as a place to find yourself and figure out who you are – and part of that is figuring out who you are not. 

And that, with my endeavours into shoddy (and mildly insulting) nude portrait-artistry and terrible open-mic poetry, is exactly what I am aiming to find out.

A guide for the impromptu undergraduate tour guide

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How do you even begin to show a relative or friend around Oxford? In Michaelmas, a friend studying in London came to visit. She stayed over for a whopping three days which, to me, was a disproportionately long time to spend in a city that was a fraction of the size of London. Oxford is no big, bustling metropolis; it has no famous tourist attractions (besides the university itself), no world-class restaurants, no breathtaking natural scenery. My days are filled with lectures, tutorials, libraries, and an occasional escape to the pub or club. What was she going to fill her days with? 

Well, first, the obvious – the Radcliffe Camera (affectionately referred to as the “Rad Cam” by Oxford students), Bridge of Sighs, Bodleian Library, Ashmolean Museum, etc. My friend is a huge Harry Potter fan, so that was easy – I was already at Christ Church, so I showed her around the dining hall and cloisters, got my friend from New College to show her around the courtyard (which had a feature in the film Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire), and brought her to the Divinity School. Lunch in the Covered Market, dinner at a Christ Church formal, then an impromptu post-midnight Hassan’s for the complete Oxford student experience. 

But all these places could be discovered from a quick Google search of “things to do in Oxford”; my friend didn’t need me to point them out to her. Besides, I felt too much like a tour guide, not someone showing their friend around the place that will define their life for the next three years. I wanted to show her the places where I forged my best memories – where I live, study, eat, socialise and cry. This was the first time I’ve seen her since we left high school, and I wanted to show her around my new life. 

If she had come on a weekday, I would have brought her to one of my lectures. We couldn’t study together in the Rad Cam (my library of choice), so instead I brought her to Caffè Nero to try their godly hot chocolate. We got a quick bite from Najar’s, visited the cows in Christ Church Meadows, and queued for an hour in the cold for Ramen Kulture (and it was absolutely worth the wait!). We ate bingsu (Korean shaved ice) at Endorphins Dessert Cafe. We watched the sunset from the rooftop of Westgate. And all along the way, I pointed out snippets of my life to her – this is where I ate my first meal in Oxford, this is where I was drunk out of my mind after my first night out, this is where I cried when I felt so homesick. This is where I saw the most beautiful sunrise of my life. This is where I walked whenever I was stressed or anxious. This is where I built my new life, in a foreign country 6000 miles from home. We got G&Ds, then chatted the night away in my room, reminiscing about the old and catching each other up on the new as we settled into the next chapter of our lives. 

So, to answer the question: how do you begin to show a relative or friend around Oxford? What makes for a good impromptu tour? Of course, show them the grand, romantic architecture, the buildings steeped in mystique and history that tourists marvel at when they visit Oxford. But also show them what Oxford means to you. Show them where you like to go on a night out. Where you go for lectures. Where you churn out your 2000-word essay dangerously close to the deadline. Where you get your groceries.

I’ve been thinking about how friendships change and evolve as we move on to university – as you grow older, friendships become less about experiencing life together, and more about telling each other about your respective lives. This rings true for family as well. Before university, we spent virtually every day together with our family or friends – they are integrated into our lives, as we are into theirs. Now, with each of our paths diverging, I barely see my friends from school anymore. By hosting them when they come to visit, I am, in a way, integrating them back into my life, even if it’s just for three days. That, I suppose, is what makes an impromptu undergraduate tour worthwhile – the surreality of seeing old friends and family in such a new environment, and the familiar warmth they bring to remind you that they’re still here. It’s like no time has passed at all.  

Oxfess #999: Help! My Best Friend is Addicted to Oxfess 

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Oxfess: the social media platform that broadcasts the woes and troubles of the University’s most prolific over sharers. Yet it also peaks the interest of thousands of other overworked students keen to tune into the latest gossip cycle. It’s where reality TV meets dark academia, a cultural crossover that I never anticipated when writing my UCAS application. And it’s everywhere, having infiltrated the doom-scrolling that marks our generation. The guy sat opposite you on his phone in the radcam? He’s on Oxfess. The girl queuing for an ATS sandwich? On Oxfess. Your tutor on his laptop as you inevitably arrive late to the tutorial. Oxfess (indulge me). It’s a time-killing activity whose immediate relevance to our everyday experiences, its capacity to be relatable in this small city, makes it addictive. Although Instagram reels are just as good too. 

So what has this esteemed establishment brought us? Highlights include the Univ Sh***er, Balliol scurvy, and ChCh puffer boy from the darkest corners of the Glink. Freshers will have to forgive me for such outdated references; this second year has been desperately trying to fight his addiction. The deleting and all-too-soon re-downloading of Facebook is a perpetual loop. To escape, only to overhear someone mention the latest especially salacious Oxfess e.g. Oxwhy did I sleep with both my college parents? Well now I’m intrigued. Ultimately, I pin this university’s cravings for such depravity on its workload. The constant reading lists, problem sheets and lectures leave us wanting more than the academic confessions SOLO can provide us with. 

Yet it can also become too much. The constant stream of a collective Oxford consciousness leaves me wanting to blast white noise, run a bath (one can dream), or just bury myself under the crushing weight of the Bodleian Library. Extreme? Perhaps. But there is a repetitive streak to these online submissions that can make even the most ardent Oxfess ‘top fan’ begin to yawn. Take the classic ‘x freshers as…’ format.. Although I know a particularly good one assigning every Hilda’s first year to a Mamma Mia character, with accompanying pie charts too! Its authorship remains a mystery (apparently it was a collaborative endeavour…). Clearly last year’s admins had good taste. But recent failings have led me to question whether current Oxfess editors do in fact have a sense of humour.  Not sure how I would know that, I never submit anything. That would be embarrassing. 

What is perhaps more embarrassing, while this could be particular to me, is experiencing the bizarre happenings of everyday Oxford life only for my best friend to exclaim ‘wait a second, I have to Oxfess this now’. There are two types of Oxfess addiction; I introduce you first to the ‘mass producer’. A way of spilling your deepest desires (confessing your love for your Oxford crush as you pass them on Longwall), critiquing your ex (toxic yet not undeserved), or expressing frustration at your faculty’s inability to replenish the loo roll. By all accounts, we should rebrand the platform to Oxmoan. But when you start recognising your best friend’s Oxfesses then you should be worried. Should I be proud of my intimate knowledge of your writing style or should I stage an intervention? Either way, your Oxfess about the microwaved gnocchi really made me giggle. Or the time you started the Emma Watson goes to Hilda’s rumour. A startling ability to turn idle hearsay into university-wide chatter has made this infamous platform into an institution. 

The other type of addict is of course the ‘invisible consumer’.The silent majority. 7 people and your college spouse may have liked this Oxfess on Facebook, but hundreds have seen it. I know an especially well-read Engineer who never misses a new release, yet rarely interacts beyond this. But what of those who do? The site has become a road to BNOC-hood, or equally a surefire way of deciding who should be avoided. While I appreciate your japes and banter, tagging someone in an Oxfess so specific it could never be your friend is something I consider a serious faux pas. They’re the people in the subject GC who really need to take it to the DM. I did once get a photo with HN in the Oriel MCR. In the moment I was near star-struck. Who’d have thought mindlessly tagging SH could bring you such celebritydom? 

I do feel for the honest Oxfessers. Those asking for advice, searching for a welcoming society to join, or struggling with the overwhelming experience the University can provide. They have been rather drowned out by the Oxmoaners and gossipers that plague the student body. Myself (hesitantly) included. Scandal and shocking speculation is entertaining; it serves as a momentary distraction from our busy schedules. 

But could I live without it? Would we all be better off without it? It certainly feeds a sense of shared Oxford identity – from Pembroke to Catz to Hertford we’ve all heard the same rumour – yet are there other ways of fostering such a commonality? Something beyond the doom-scrolling and incessant commenting.

From the High Table: formal dinners at Oxford

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I vividly remember spending my first ever evening in Oxford at the Freshers’ Formal Dinner. Surrounded by strangers and the portraits of those who came before me, I was in for quite the ride. I had heard a lot about formals when I still romanticised attending Oxford – seeing people post videos in their subfusc, sipping college branded wine, and enjoying three-course meals. Yet, after my first formal in question I soon realised that it wasn’t as dreamy and Harry Potter-esque as I’d once imagined. 

To be fair, the reason for this was partly my college. While it is customary to wear your gown to formals, this is not a requirement at St. Hugh’s College. Although I have no particular interest in wearing my gown any more than I have to, I can’t help but feel it would add to the traditional ambiance of enjoying formalling in Oxford. In radical contradiction, when I attended a formal at Magdalen, many students dressed casually, yet the gown remained a staple. At Hugh’s, students often dress extravagantly, perhaps to compensate for the rather unconventional setting of our ex-war infirmary dining hall. I’ve found myself dressing over-the-top for every formal, resulting in an unhealthy amassment of charming ankle-length dresses… Despite the Hughsie way of formalling differing from my initial expectations, I always enjoy going.

During my year abroad, I found myself losing the desensitisation to the somewhat absurdity of formalling traditions and culture. Just this week, I visited Hugh’s in time for their weekly Tuesday formal and felt embarrassingly amused by the Latin grace at the beginning. Rising for the high table as they filtered through like royalty seemed startlingly comical to my friends and me, leading to exchanged snickers across the table muffled by the bread we’d stuffed our faces with.  

Setting aside the Latin prayers, formal dinners at Hugh’s are quite enjoyable and usually delicious. While some meals I’ve had at other colleges (I won’t point fingers, but Keble is a worthy mention) have been pretty tragic, the formal menus at Hugh’s tend to live up to the hype. The starters are consistently impressive, especially when they whip out the soup, and the menus vary week by week. At less than £15, it’s incredible how you can enjoy a fancy full three-course meal, making it a viable option for students seeking a sophisticated dinner without breaking the bank. One could even say there is a certain value in learning the art of formal dining, allowing valuable training in the navigation of knives and forks. Surrounded by peers, there is hope that this learning and training is made less intimidating. 

Now that I’m away from Oxford for the year, in an air of odd nostalgia, I do miss formals. Dressing up with friends, cracking open a bottle of wine, and fighting over the butter are weird but unique experiences that I don’t think would exist in many places outside of Oxford. While I’m well-versed on the antiquated traditions at Oxford, it’s always amusing when I invite friends from back home to join me and they look at me with confusion. Formals are an integral part of the Oxford experience, and while they may appear peculiar from the outside, I’m grateful for the opportunity to partake in something so distinctively Oxford.

A ‘Nectarine’-ly sweet end to the term!

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At last, week 8 is on the horizon, dusk is beginning to fall after labs finish, and maybe (if the rain ever stops) spring is on its way. 

To celebrate the close of another instalment of academic chaos, I did what I (arguably) do best – cooked for my friends. On today’s menu: pan-fried salmon on top of spaghetti in a pea and basil sauce, all accompanied with nectarine and mozzarella on top of a bed of rocket.

As my quartet of dinner companions dug into a real culinary treat, we discussed the end of term. The end of term and the beginning of vac is always a tricky one to navigate: should we be sad to be parting ways with our friends or relieved that we survived another eight weeks in the rollercoaster of Oxfordshire’s most hectic and emotional ring-road? 

The truth is, your feelings about this term and its conclusion should be exactly that. Yours. All too often, especially in the highly digitised Zillenial ecosystem, we put too much pressure on feeling what society tells us to feel. For instance, social media portrays University as The best time of your life! Is this echo-chamber of toxic positivity a reality for the majority of students? Probably not.

To be frank, this Hilary, whilst sweet at certain corners, has left me feeling (if we’re running with the nectarine metaphor) a little emotionally bruised and in some aspects, a bit rotten. Am I ashamed that my term has been ‘wasted’ by unpleasant emotional episodes? Of course not. I mean I’m a bit annoyed that the past eight weeks have been marred by internalised emotional turmoil, but that’s part of being twenty and growing up. I am in no way advocating wallowing, rather, I am urging you to accept that your feelings about what is such a tricky term are valid, and more normal than you probably think.

To finish the term is an achievement in itself. Congratulate yourself for merely existing, even if maybe some essays never materialised or some friendships went awry. Reflecting on the past two months, we need to look for the brightness and colour, even if fairly brief, which occurred in our lives. Not to sound like my mother, but we need to practise gratitude. As we pack up our uni lives into a series of boxes once again, it may be productive to reflect on our feelings at the close of term, whilst also seeking out people and experiences which made a very damp eight weeks a little lighter. 

So, as we all crawl to eighth week together, I raise my pint to all of you who have found Hilary not the easiest of times and salute those of you who managed to have the time of your lives in the bitterness of winter. As I run away from OX4 I leave you with the gentle reminder that things only get better from here. Light is coming. Days are extending. Maybe (if the rain ever stops) Spring is on its way. 

Diffidence

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non est, ut putas, virtus, pater,
timere vitam, sed malis ingentibus
obstare nec se vertere ac retro dare.

—Seneca, Phoenissae


With all things fading, fadeless here alone,
though blunted by neglect, dislodged, displaced,
though yellowed, blemished, dulled, and waterlogged,
they left their lure:
Those endless woodland depths
that guard the bogs, those dried roots jutting out,
and deeper mires overgrown with grass,
moss-matted stumps with lichen tufts that line
alone the unkept face of wandering paths,
oak-leaves that rustle, murmuring as if
with rumours overheard in dreams or some
obscure prophetic truth that, whispered, falls
beneath to weeds with anthills, nests, and pits;
all, soaked with droplets from the rusted stream,
have kept that mystic mode of memory—
The same forgotten cadences of woods
that creak with winds—those woodsall nourished by
the earth—the earth that took my father’s flesh
and feasted as it festered, flaked, and fled—
that earth on which I stand—the air that moves
through me—through me the spirit will descend
to where we could not come again with words.