Pie-demonium at Jesus College

0
7813

Jesus College has been gripped by a mania of pie-throwing following the announcement of the official start of ‘Pie Week’ by JCR Social Secretary Chris Smith. Suspense has been high since the appearance of an enigmatically-worded event on the termly Jesus College Social Calendar.

The ‘Pie Week’ rules were outlined by Smith in an email sent to the JCR. Participants have to sign a register before being allowed to purchase the pies from the ‘Official Pie Stand’. Pies can only be thrown at those, and by those, who sign the register.

Other rules stated, “If one suspects they are about to be Pie-d they must shout “PIE” at the supposed Pie-er. If the accusation is true and the accused be guilty and has a Pie in hand, the failed Pie-er must self pie to the face. On the second occasion with the same hypothetical Pie-ee and failed Pie-er, the self-pie can be to the crotch (at the Pie-ee’s discretion). Pie-ing is an ancient sport of stealth and this rule ensures only Pie’s (sic) of style are successful; punishing the weak (at pieing).”

The pies cost 50p and consist of tin-foil trays filled with whipped cream. All money raised goes to charity. Chris Smith stated in the email, “This does mean with each pie you launch you are slowly becoming a better person.”

The event has not been uncontroversial. Chris Smith commented, “We were quickly banned from pieing in hall after a student’s aerial pie coated much of a table.”

Emilia Carslaw, a second year Classicist, told Cherwell, “it’s been an ex-cream-ly pie-olent few days in Jesus, full of pie-rannical pie-racy. We have all been living in fear, terri-pie-d of the moment the next attack will occur.”

All money raised goes to the charity Schistosomiasis Control Iniative (SCI).

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here