It’s 2am, but it feels like the music has been playing for hours. This must be the best set I’ve ever heard—the pounding bass is met with some more ambient interludes, with acid licks tying it all together. And yet the music is almost secondary to my current experience. I feel almost out of control of my upper body, which sways, twists and shakes to the bass line. My head can’t focus on the music, with the events of the preceding hours proving too much. My hands are still shaking somewhat from the substances I’ve taken, my fingers moving uncontrollably and irregularly. I know that I have been in this state far too often recently, but my lifestyle isn’t going to change any time soon.
The music starts to take over, and I lose all focus. Looking around, I realise that I can’t see anyone I know around me. I start to panic. Moving around, I see nothing but empty spaces, until I see out of the corner of my eye my friend, Jack. He too is in quite a state, juddering turbulently to whatever it is he is hearing. Catching his glazed-over eyes, I put two fingers to my mouth and gesture. I don’t smoke, but I need to get out of this place and take in some fresh air.
We head down the stairs, almost tripping such is the darkness, and head outside. “How are you doing?” I ask, trying to detract from my own situation. “This isn’t going well,” he replies. “This set is outrageous, but my head space isn’t right. We need to get out of here before I get any more trapped.”
Our conversation continues as we stand outside in the cold air. I start to shiver, and realise that my jacket is still inside. “Let’s just go back in briefly and get everything,” I tell Jack. He nods, puts out his cigarette, and follows me back.
I swipe my Bod card and go back upstairs. Hitting save on this bitch of an essay, I pick up my laptop and notes, and carry them with my headphones back to my room. Another caffeine-fuelled, unproductive night in the College library has ended in disappointment, and as the SoundCloud mix I listened to dies down in my head, I make my way to bed.