John Evelyn

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    Illiterate Access Schools students who come to Oxford and discover the University doesn’t offer Meeja Studies are kindly helped by OUSU, who run a mock newspaper to help them read, write and develop their interpersonal communication skills. Post ‘Flirt’ at the OFS, group co-ordinator Barry Atwan (Finance) took it upon himself to extend his pastoral duties by escorting team leader Jamie Murray home to Cowley – despite living in the opposite direction. Upon arriving at house, the Evil One (Iago) encouraged his charge Murray to drink a little more and made moves to retire to the bedroom, promising to teach him to “write joined-up”. What actually ensued is of debatable nature however, according to Murray, “It wasn’t very long, but it was quite fat!” The exploitation of the poor young waifs doesn’t end there. At Tanya Cohen’s 21st, drunken revellers forced Tanya and Zoe Flood (Woodward and Bernstein) to re-enact the popular ‘Tatu video’. The confused lambs discharged their duties so well that they aroused the attention of Lothario John Townsend (Svengali), who assured Cohen he’ll make her “the next Mel C”. Not all members of the OUSU Inabilities and Illiteracy Initiative end up as tawdry sleb imitators. Some graduate to bigger and better things, such as making tea for Evelyn in his office or Standing Committee of the Oxford Union, like ‘Nat’ Toms, shown here with the Boy Ayles after stealing a bollard from Oriel Sq. Watch those fingers!
    ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2003

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