Mixed messages for the grim North from the Munich-based Süddeutsche Zeitung. A travel piece on the east coast of England from the Wash upwards is juxtaposed against a special feature on “catastrophe tourism” — holidaying in war-torn regions. Perhaps cycling in Bosnia (not available online) or trekking through Afghanistan are as unbearable as the beaches of Skegness.
Better news though is the glowing report the region gets. After making jibes at the “out of order” signs on loos, the petrol stations perennially “out of service” and the caravans clogging up the A4, the writer depicts the North as some sort of tourist's paradise, a rural idyll:
Along this dual carriageway [the A4] … you enjoy an endless line of wooden-fenced fields that mark out the the scenery from Hertfordshire to Cambridgeshire, the names of unheard-of places hidden behind oak trees, intruding rugby posts and road signs. Letchworth, Biggleswade, Sandy, Godmanchester, Ramsey: life here is provincial from here all the way to Newcastle.
Then comes a bizarre claim that
Scarborough isn't as posh now as it used to be,
as though it was once a competitor with Miami and Dubai. And apparently
further north, small, introspective villages nestle like jewels against the sea: Sandsend, Kettleness, Runswick, Staithes.
The Middlesbrough and Sunderland region gets the treatment it deserves (“beauty takes a copious break”), but the picture is overwhelmingly positive. Britain's expensive and nothing works but it's still quite quaint, the author concludes.
But the glaring omission from the piece is the one factor that would prevent anyone from choosing to spend their holiday in the north of England: the weather. Brits often don't realise quite how pro-English the Germans have been throughout history (Goethe and Schiller were both raving Anglophiles), and the Germans have always found pathetic England a bit sweet: I once read an article in the same paper by a German who'd lived in south-west London reminiscing about the quaint chaos of Kingston Hospital and the NHS. Maybe the writer's another closet Anglophile.
I apologise for catching the writer out and mentioning the w-word. As Basil Fawlty once said, I think I got away with it.
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