Bishop Fox, the Corpus Christi College tortoise, was declared the winner of the 2010 Tortoise Race on his home turf on Sunday.
The President of Corpus Christi College, Professor David Carwardine, was in high spirits despite the inclement weather last Sunday afternoon.
“I am, of course, delighted that Fox utterly outstripped his rivals,” said Carwardine. “I put it down to the qualities that have always been associated with Corpus: determination, commitment, plenty of sleep, a good diet, a little alcohol, and the threat of rustication for failure.”
Jan Willem Scholten, the Tortoise Keeper of Corpus, said that he hoped Bishop Fox’s success would increase his confidence, because “Fox’s sexual performance has not been up to scratch recently.”
Not only did Bishop Fox manage to beat seven tortoise competitors, he also thrashed his two human rivals too. Laurie Blair, a first-year student, was standing in for Oscar, the JCR Tortoise of Magdalen College. Blair also lost to his human counterpart at Balliol.
“I had always expected that the race would be tampered with, and I absolutely suspect foul play. We’ve heard reports of performance enhancing vegetables being used by the opposition”, he said.
The human competitors were handicapped by having to consume an entire lettuce before they could start running, described by Blair as “crunchy and delicious.” William Kelley, a second-year historian at St Johns, said, “Jan Willem pulled off a marvellous coup in organising such a successful race despite the rain.”
The afternoon was not without its controversy, however. The battle for second place threatened to turn nasty when Regent’s Park’s tortoise, Emmanuel, was awarded the silver medal ahead of Will Chamberlain’s own tortoise, James Bond. Chamberlain told Cherwell, “James Bond definitely won. Ask anyone.”
All the money raised went towards Maria Veliko’s Bulgarian Orphanage and Oxford Aid to the Balkans.
Corpus Tortoise wins Corpus Tortoise Race
