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Working 9(th week) to 5?

Eighth week is always a mild trauma for any Oxbridge student. It’s a given fact. The average student experiences an involuntary devolution from sophisticated achiever, and general man-about-town, into a grunting, sulky Neanderthal. We’re tired, we’re hungry, our brain power is running solely on the embittered dregs of whatever hasn’t been argued out of it, and, perhaps worst of all, our bank balance is tiptoeing dangerously closer to the overdraft limit.

It’s a scary state to be in. So we do what any other reasonable student would do in the circumstances. We take the last week to bankrupt ourselves. Any remaining gold is spent on consecutive nights out, on our post-Park End kebab, and on that final rush around the city centre, justifying any expensive buy with the excuse that, quite frankly, we deserve it. 

What now though? We’ve returned to our places of origin having committed fiscal self-destruction.  Our next student loan won’t be flattering our bank balances for at least another month, and our bartering skills simply aren’t finely tuned enough for us to haggle our way around life.

There’s only one option: it’s time to get a job.  It’s time to gingerly venture outside the gooey bubble of Oxford, and enter into what the next generation calls ‘the real world.’ Here at Cherwell we’ve explored some of the alternative ways in which you can earn some extra dollar, without the need to grovel at your parents’ feet. Trust us, your bank balance will thank you for it.

Working at a cafe/bar

Difficulty: medium — impossible (subject to boss)

You’ve heard your parents and/or overbearing friends railing at you to go and hand out CVs to miscellaneous eateries in the local area, in the hopes of a) providing a reason for the lack of revision occurring or b) for parents, stemming the fairly continual flow of requests for money, since student loans really aren’t meant to cover vacations, right?

Probably the best thing to do here if you want to get started quickly is to look for the small businesses: large chains tend to have a much more tedious application process whereas popping into your local cafe might land you an immediate interview with the owner.

One irritating thing that is a common turn-off for this kind of thing is the inevitable question: “…but do you have any experience?” Honest response: “Clearly not. As you probably guessed from your appraisal of me as I walked in the door, the most experience I’ve had of making cocktails is mixing vodka, coke and that thing that‘s been in the cupboard for ages in an empty plastic bottle, pre-Wahoo.” Although not an advisable opening statement, don’t worry — this (or some variation) is true for probably 80% of hopefuls applying for this kind of position. Just don’t say it.

Expect patronising instruction from a vaguely senior barista or the like who is probably revelling in his or her authority. Also prepare for the handful of embarrassing moments of ineptitude in front of customers, usually involving dropping/damaging something (or someone) important. Expect sluggish business at the beginnings and ends of days that make you wonder why you’re up this early or why the b****h in the corner won’t leave so you can close up.

Benefits: being able to answer smugly to any future potential employee who demands “experience”, the all-important tips earned from either grateful customers or simply predatory regulars, and of course, the heart-warming experience of working with and for your fellow human beings. Or possibly not. Either way you’re going to need to be able to run around, make coffee, and apologise for other people’s mistakes tirelessly.

Hospitality Agency

Difficulty: Medium

Working for a hospitality agency, also known in its less pretentious form as events company, usually involves embracing the role of esteemed waiter or ‘catering assistant’ for temporary events across the country. Type ‘hospitality agency’ into our good friend Google and thousands of potential agencies will be a few clicks and a CV away from joining. You’ll be raking in the hard earned cash in no time. Once signed up to the gig, you’ll be put on the glorified mailing list, which basically means you’ll get a email every so often asking whether you can or cannot make the dates for some swag do. Easy peasy, and with no commitment necessary, some say it’s the ideal student job.

Despite the initial easiness of landing the gig (many employers don’t even ask for the dreaded previous experience), don’t be fooled into thinking this is a trade for the faint hearted. It’s not. Entire days can be wasted making copious cups of obscure herbal tea for guests who openly refer to you as “the help” or opening packet after packet of Jacob’s Cream Crackers (since certain guests — normally in certain income brackets – seem to have lost the ability to complete such manual labour themselves.)

To be successful at this job you need what the agencies call a “can do” attitude, and what everyone else calls the ability to pretend your having the best time of your life, when you’re not. Sorry. To succeed, then? Speaking from personal experience, never, ever cross the chef. Ever. Obey the chef and you’ll have a good time. Obey him even when he starts calling you unfortunate patronising nicknames, ‘Goldilocks,’ ‘Blondie’ and ‘Clutzo’ being my personal favourites. Despite the physical effort, working at an events company is fun, it’s sociable, it’s mad. You get to work at places a mere student would probably never set foot in otherwise. Think Henley Regatta, Silverstone, the Olympics. Oh, and the tips are pretty good too. 

Babysitting

Difficulty: Easy

Whether you love sweet little children or secretly detest them for their stickiness and runny noses, it might be worth giving babysitting a go (if you haven’t already joined the legions of teenagers who hired their services out during school years). Get your parents to ask around and see who needs to escape from their precious tots for an evening, or befriend neighbourhood families with little kids. Soon enough you should find someone who needs you.

Babysitting can be one of the easiest jobs in the world. Most of the time, you can put a compliant child to bed quite easily and look forward to an evening of watching TV, vegging out on the sofa and eating someone else’s food.  

However, any frequent babysitter can probably also regale you with horror stories. An easy job can turn tricky in an instant, and seemingly sweet children can suddenly switch. Take, for instance, the one who screamed non-stop the moment I left the room, and kept “pooping” her nappy. Or the 5 year old who kept stripping off, smothering himself in his mother’s mango body-butter, biting pillows and firing me with foam bullets. (Surprisingly enough, when I complained that my dinner was getting cold he said “oh, sorry” and went straight to bed: success!)

If it works out and you get a quiet or charming kid, you’ve got the perfect job; if it all goes horribly wrong, babysitting can at least remind you of the importance of contraception. Either way, you walk away with money in your pocket. 

Online: Surveys and Ebay

Difficulty: Easy-hard (method dependant)

Search “make money online” in any search engine, and you’ll be instantly bombarded by some of the dodgiest scams the World Wide Web has to offer. You’ll find results claiming you can make up to £500 a day by writing one or two dismissive emails, or possibly even scarier, sites that assert you can become prosperous by embarking on your very own online gambling career. Wow. But if you, clever people, filter out these scams (i.e. any quick fixes that appear too good to be true), there are some pretty easy, albeit time consuming, ways you can pocket some extra cash.

Picture the scene: you’re home alone, you have no money to buy petrol/pay for bus fare; there is little you can do except eat, sleep, and get cabin fever. You know you should probably be revising, but the pull of the internet is too great. What you need is to take some online surveys. Put your favourite American sitcom on in the background and you’ve got yourself a (strained) good time, whilst steadily regaining a positive bank balance. Market research companies are paid by other companies to gather feedback and opinions from the consumer, done by conducting online surveys. This is where you come in. You offer your highly valuable and cherished opinions and voila, cash. Be warned however, this method is highly time consuming, and you’ll probably be onto Season 3 of your favourite sitcom before you’ve made any noticeable pocket. Try sites such as ‘Survey Spot’ or ‘Toluna’ to get started.

Another, more satisfying way to use the internet for your devilish money making schemes is, undoubtedly, Ebay. As the website so charmingly puts it, “millions of people make money on Ebay every day,” and here at the Cherwell we want you to be one of them. Speaking to regular Ebay seller, Bithia Large, making money on this online marketplace is “just a case of rifling through your wardrobe and finding the odd gem that you are now too fat for/find repulsive, but will be somebody else’s dream item.” And it’s so easy to do. Sign up for your (free!) account, put your stock of unwanted personal items up for sale at either a fixed price, or up for action, and sit back. The only physical effort you have to endure is the walk to the post-office to say “Bye Bye” unwanted item, and “Hello” to a whole new, ‘richer’ you. 

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