Oxford's oldest student newspaper

Independent since 1920

Advice to potential allies of the LGTBQ community

The struggle for LGBTQ liberation is not over in Oxford. LGBTQ students face verbal abuse, violence and marginalisation. As the OUSU LGBTQ Campaign, we’d love to have as many allies as possible. With your support, we can tackle the everyday homophobia, transphobia and biphobia that contribute to the exclusion facing LGBTQ students here. To that end, here’s some advice about how to be a good ally to the LGBTQ community.

Firstly, whenever you feel safe doing so, try to call out homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. If you can call out your peers calmly and fi rmly, you play your part in creating a more welcoming environment for LGBTQ students, an environment free of homophobic and transphobic abuse – and that includes abuse that’s dressed up as a joke or irony.

Secondly, take care with your own language. Failing to refer to people’s gender and sexuality in the terms they themselves use betrays a lack of respect for their identity. The golden rule here is not to make assumptions. Asking someone what their pronouns are (i.e. whether someone uses he/she/they etc) is way better than assuming you know. Understandably, the plethora of identities that all go under the label of LGBTQ can seem confusing, but the information is out there and it shouldn’t be up to LGBTQ people to explain themselves all the time. Not all women who date women are lesbians; not all queer people are gay; not all transgender people have a binary gender identity.

Honestly, it’s not that complicated, and getting informed will make you more confi dent in respecting people’s identities. Thirdly, check how you come across in conversations about gender and sexuality with LGBTQ people. We get that you’re fascinated by us, but try not to make people feel like you’re interrogating them and avoid asking personal questions to people you’ve only just met. Don’t ask transgender people about their genitals. Don’t quiz bisexual people about their sex life. Don’t ask lesbians or gay men who the man or woman in their relationship is (there isn’t one, that’s kind of the point). It can make people really uncomfortable. Some people might be ok with these questions, but as a rule it’s best to avoid asking things like that.

Equally, don’t tell us you knew straight away what our identity was, and don’t tell us you never would have guessed. That shows that you’ve swallowed the stereotypes and measured us up against them. You might mean it as a compliment, but it can actually be really confusing and offensive.

Don’t labour the point about how totally fine you are with our being LGBTQ. That’s how it should be – we won’t be handing out any cookies. Don’t resent people for not telling you straight away. Plenty of LGBTQ people are too worried to speak up about their identity, and it’s unfair to make them feel bad for not doing so. Keep in mind that not everyone can come out, since it’s impossible to know whether or not it’s safe. Overall, just think about how what you say might come across, and try to avoid the whole Spanish Inquisition vibe.

Lastly, it’s really important to challenge heteronormativity as well as more overt homophobia. Heteronormativity is basically the social norm of assuming that everyone is straight and that being straight is the normal way to be. With that in mind, try not to assume the gender identity or sexuality of people you meet.

Avoiding heteronormativity is especially important for those involved in other liberation initiatives and activism. For example, often in mainstream feminism the voices of LGBTQ people are left out. There can be a lot of focus on a gender as a binary, which erases the more complex nature of gender identity. Be careful about casual cissexism – don’t equate having a vagina to being a woman or having a penis to being a man. Be mindful of the struggles of other marginalised groups and recognise how diff erent aspects of a person’s identity can intersect and eff ect the way they experience oppression.

Being a good ally can be difficult. It takes time to find out about LGBTQ identities and struggles. It takes confidence to stand up to discrimination. In the end, though, it’s really worth it because you can make such a difference to people’s lives. While you should take pride in your values, always remember that LGBTQ voices must be at the heart of the movement. Here at the OUSU LGBTQ Campaign we really hope you take this all on. Thank you for contributing to a more inclusive and friendly university.

Check out our other content

Most Popular Articles