The end of Trinity Term is near, and with it, the close of my fi rst year at Oxford. When I arrived nearly nine months ago, I was acutely aware of how lucky I was to have a place studying what I love more than all else: literature. I expected long hours, diffi cult work, and exhilarating moments (and got all three). What I didn’t expect was how painful the weight of Oxford’s academic pressure would be, sitting on my shoulders – nor how often conversations surrounding self-care and mental illness would equate the latter with weakness and incapability.
That’s why OUSU’s #5thweekfree social media campaign, headed by the Women’s Campaign, was a gift; suddenly, I found that I wasn’t alone in struggling with Oxford’s intense, unyielding terms. My idea that the toll a mood and anxiety disorder took on my work meant that I didn’t deserve to be here seemed more and more illogical as I retweeted hundreds of similar sentiments from students across the university. It was only a week’s conversation on social media, but it echoed the findings of a recent OUSU survey – nearly three quarters of students affi rmed that they feel very anxious about their workload. The reading week I had halfway through Michaelmas created extra time to read for an essay, follow through on lecturers’ reading recommendations, and take precious moments out for self-care (in the form of bubble baths, lie-ins, and meals with friends). I didn’t realise how invaluable a reading week was until I went without one.
In Hilary, I studied my favorite period of literature. Not wanting it to slip through my fingers, I willingly took on a total of 11 tutorials for the term. My experience as a student is inextricable from my experience as someone suff ering from mental illness, but I thought that to let illness interfere with my education – especially when the stakes were so high, the experience so priceless – was some kind of mortal sin. I planned out each hour of the day: still, on some days, I couldn’t get out of bed; on others, I stayed awake for 22 hours, frantically typing the entirety of a 7,000 word essay.
Convinced that success and being kind to myself were mutually exclusive, I stopped going to meals, formal hall, and bops, telling myself I didn’t deserve a break. My tutor, kind and understanding, would have certainly let me take a reading week had I asked (and many aren’t that lucky), but the fabric of this university – the inflexible structure of which doesn’t lend itself to bouts of illness, let alone more extreme struggles – had penetrated too deep: I was terrified and ashamed of saying I needed one.
Looking back, the period is diffi cult to write about: how did I live like that? At the end of term, one tutor commented that I had seemingly accomplished two and a half terms’ worth of work in one. I hadn’t known; I thought I was doing the minimum. I know that not all students’ experiences match my own; regardless, it’s irrefutable that there is a culture of blame surrounding students struggling with all kinds of disabilities. This is compounded by the issue that unforeseeable events, which can include bereavement, hospital visits, sudden illness, are often incompatible with keeping up with work. A smooth, successful term is possible only if one has a near-perfect life, or is extremely lucky.
Admittedly, there are difficulties with implementing a University-wide reading week in Michaelmas and Hilary, which is why OUSU Council passed a motion last term that all future changes must be cost-neutral to move forward. Regardless of diffi culty, the problem must be dealt with: the 5th Week free campaign advocates discussions of illness and work, de-stigmatisation of self-care, and presents yet more evidence that the University and tutors alike are listening to students’ welfare concerns.
The current state of aff airs is unfair for too many: some, such as first years who are unfairly set collections in 0th Week of Michaelmas, are thrown off balance before even properly finding the ground. Others, like those who have left Oxford on medical leave as a result of squaring a disability with the University’s inflexible academic structure, ultimately lose a hard-fought battle fought on unforgiving terrain.
The conversation centred around mental health at Oxford is a difficult one, but it nevertheless has to be carried to completion. I’ve never met anyone whose mind functions best on two hours sleep or when miserable; even the most academically successful students find their knees buckling under the pressure and pace – so why not lessen it a bit? Why not free 5th Week? The chorus from the hundreds of #5thweekfree tweets and seven bravely written testimonials is resoundingly clear: it’s time for Oxford to focus on cultivating a university environment that safeguards students’ well-being and is willing to listen to their concerns.
