Perhaps on a breezy evening, the dandy would ponder to himself as he strolled: “What can I don atop my pretty tête on this dark night?” When walking back late from one’s favourite establishment on Park End Street, what better article to have up one’s sleeve than a hat? Of course, with a floppy bucket hat or a baseball cap, this indeed would be possible – perhaps saving you £2 on putting an extra item in the cloakroom. However, these hats have become all too common in recent years and months, and, sadly, these articles can only really be worn these days ironically. The glimpse of a young, misguided chap wearing some ‘wavey’ printed bucket hat or a Yankees snap-back is a truly sorry sight.
Much wiser is the man who pays the extra cloakroom fee and can walk home in gleeful bliss with his saffron yellow bowler, furnished with an azure parrot feather, poised nonchalantly upon his glossy barnet – those two pounds will make him feel a thousand more!
As I have previously asserted on the issue of layering, the important consideration for chapeauage lies not in wearing a topper for its practical merit, but rather for its fashionable usefulness. You don’t want to wear your sou’wester because it’s raining; you want to wear your sou’wester because the dandelion yellow clashes beautifully with your purple cable-knit jumper.
A hat can really complete an outfit. Many formal halls require suits to be worn. If you’ve got a pin-stripe number lurking in the depths of the wardrobe, why not get out your fedora? Twin it with a sinister violin case and the kitchen staff will give you all the custard pies you like. Alternatively, if you’re going down to support the college rugby team, why not complement those wellies and barbour with a panama? Whirl it around your head in a great, looping circle as you belt out one of the college’s chants for a really engaged appearance.
Millinery, of course, comes in all manner of forms. Some hats have surprising and valuable surplus uses. While I wear my green paisley bandana primarily because I’m trying to give off a whiff of my virility, it also keeps my floppy fringe out of my eyes. At the same time, though when I pluck my straw boater from my hat-stand I am motivated by the desire to look sophisticated and elegant at my great-aunt’s third wedding by fusing the hat with my piped blazer, I can also slip the telephone numbers that I get from her friends in the orange ribbon of the boater. It really is a win-win.
With bonnetry, the world really is your oyster. Take inspiration from across the pond with a ten-gallon or perhaps a sombrero to add an element of the New World to your outfit. Whatever happens, make sure your titfer is bold and adventurous. Plumage is always welcome. There are few rules with hats – just remember the words of Frank, Bing and Dean in Robin and the Seven Hoods: “A hat’s not a hat, till it’s tilted”.
