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Intoxtigation 2024: Merton drinks least, Christ Church most, and two thirds tipsy around tutors

The results of Cherwell’s unprecedented investigation into students’ drinking habits are finally in. We have received over 1,250 responses – nearly 10% of the University’s undergraduate body – across every year, college, and course. Data can now tell us conclusively which colleges and courses drink the most and the least, and reveal the scope and nuances of Oxford’s relationship to alcohol. No stone was left unturned from rankings of bars, pubs, and drinks through to students’ behaviour in contexts as varied as sports socials, crewdates, society debating drinks, and dinners with tutors. Prepare yourself for some surprises as we test out which pieces of received wisdom fit with the data. 

Overall picture and methodology 

Assuming that people would not be bothered to calculate their total units per week and then find the average of this: as editors we tried ourselves and it was too convoluted and definitely took longer than the five minutes we promised you the survey would take. The Features team instead focused on how many days each week students were drinking, and then factored in units at this stage to gauge intensity. The NHS defines a unit as “10ml or 8g of pure alcohol, which is around the amount of alcohol the average adult can process in an hour.” The NHS weekly recommended limit is 14 units, which should be spaced out throughout the week. A pint of beer or glass of wine is approximately two units, a single shot of a spirit one unit. 

It’s ironic then, that when only 23.6% of respondents considered their alcohol consumption to be ‘quite heavy’ or ‘very heavy’, 51.8% regularly consume the NHS weekly limit of 14 units in one night. Within this figure, 20.7% of respondents had at least 28 units over just two or three days each week. 8 people claimed to drink (at least) 98 units of alcohol weekly.

The emerging picture is that students underestimate how much they drink, since 80% of respondents viewed their consumption as ‘low’ or ‘moderate’. 7.8% of respondents were teetotal. It’s worth noting, of course, that non-drinkers were probably less likely to fill out the survey. This notwithstanding, it is still possible to compare across colleges and courses, since this limitation applies everywhere. And of course, a large number of non-drinkers did still take the time to help us out and fill in the survey. 

Ranking the colleges 

The goal of this investigation was to compare perception and reality. In some cases, it seems that stereotypes hold true, others less so. Results are also often very split. St Peter’s is perceived as the college that drinks the most, but with only 18.1% of responses. Balliol followed with 14.8%, and Teddy Hall claimed third with 7.1%, with Catz on 5.5%.

Stereotypes really kicked in at the other end as 33.7% voted Mertonians as the students who drink the least. Wycliffe Hall was a clever choice – given its status as a theological college – with 9.8% of respondents. The most telling, then, were the next popular options: 7.8% for Harris Manchester (postgrads don’t have fun?) and 4.3% for LMH, intriguingly. Next was 3.7% for Corpus Christi. 

As it turns out, Christ Church, not Peter’s, is Oxford’s booziest college. The average ChCh student drinks on 4.06 days per week on average, including 1.28 days with heavy drinking of 14 units or more. They were followed by Regent’s Park, Oriel, Brasenose, and St John’s. Peter’s dropped down to 8th in terms of overall days drinking (3.64), but was second for days of intense drinking (1.17). Balliol came 6th and Teddy Hall was mid-table. Here we didn’t include the results from colleges with less than 20 responses, of which there were four (Hilda’s, Pembroke, Lincoln, and Harris Manchester). They were all mid-table at any rate. 

Cherwell can officially confirm that Merton is where fun goes to die. Mertonians drink an average of 2.48 days per week, and a rowdy 0.24 days for 14+ units. They were joined near the bottom by Magdalen and Mansfield (2.77 and 2.82 respectively). One wonders if Merton’s reputation is affecting the kind of students it recruits, turning a once unfounded perception into a reality. All’s well that ends well: they’re top of the Norrington Table for a reason. 

The course contest 

With so much time on their hands, HisPolers are the biggest drinkers at 4.26 days per week, and 1.27 for heavy drinking. However, it’s actually those who do Asian and Middle Eastern Studies who love a hard night out the most, at 1.45 days of heavy drinking. English, Human Sciences, Classics, and Law also feature near the top, according to the data. All subjects in the ranking had 10 submissions or more. 

By way of contrast, Computer Science students only drink 2.60 days per week. At least that’s still more than the average Merton student. They were followed by Philosophy, Psychology and Linguistics (PPL) as well as Earth Sciences, and Modern Languages. Engineering is solidly in the middle of the table with 3.47 and 0.75. The picture from the subjects is not easy to interpret, but broadly shows humanities students outdrinking expectations in contrast to their STEM peers. 

The gender gap? 

Another important facet of Oxford’s drinking demographics is gender. 52.4% of the survey’s respondents were female to 43.9% male, so different genders were well represented. Perhaps unsurprisingly, men drink substantially more heavily, averaging 1.12 days of heavy drinking per week to women’s 0.65. This means that if men were a college (an alternate universe Mansfield, you could say), only Christ Church and Peter’s would go harder than them. More widely, male respondents drink 3.69 days per week on average, to women’s 3.18. This isn’t necessarily evidence that men are more often drunk than women, of course, just that they consume more alcohol. 

Enthusiastic freshers 

The image of the silly, inexperienced fresher is indeed accurate. It turns out that first years drink on an average of 3.60 days each week, dropping to the rock bottom of 3.22 in second year. After a year of being berated by your tutors and falling victim to essay crisis after essay crisis, it seems that second years are slightly more world-weary than they are a year prior when they have freedom for the first time.

Perhaps surprisingly, third and fourth years experience something of a new lease of life, with numbers increasing up to 3.44 and 3.40 respectively. Is this finalist fomo, or does the crippling pressure of finals spark a need to hit the cheese floor?. Third years may drink more regularly than second years, but when they do, it is generally less than 14 units. Second years are therefore still drinking more heavily than third years once they get going, at 0.87 days a week compared to 0.82. But freshers win on both counts, passing the NHS weekly limit on 0.93 days a week on average. Ah, to be young again. 

Bars and pubs 

There was a huge split in opinions regarding which college has the best bar. We didn’t prohibit respondents from answering with their own college bar, and there were several ‘don’t knows’ and some quite angry responses, including “don’t know, don’t care” and “all are shit”. The best college bar, according to public opinion, is Balliol with 19% of responses (hardly a landslide majority), followed by Peter’s (17.1%), Worcester (9.1%), Jesus (8.5%), and, interestingly, Regent’s Park (4.2%). 

The crown of worst college bar goes to Wadham (9.9%), followed by Catz (8.4%), Christ Church (7.5%), Keble (6.2%), and Oriel (5.5%). It’s probably also worth remembering that these are still bars which respondents (or their friends) are likely to have visited, and there will be even more mediocre bars that people just ignore. 

The matter of pubs was no less controversial. The Lamb and Flag received the most votes at 17.4% of responses. This was followed by Wetherspoons’ Four Candles at 13%, then Turf Tavern on 11.7%. From there the order was White Rabbit (8.4%), King’s Arms (6.8%), Chequers (6.6%), The Bear (5.2%), Spoons’ Swan and Castle (4.6%), LGBTQ+ pub The Jolly Farmers (4%), The Grapes (3%), White Horse (2%), and then many more.  Some respondents used the open text option to cast their vote for The Jericho Tavern and The Cow and Creek. Another, seemingly misunderstanding the question, opted for New College bar. 

In the opinion of this writer (a John’s student), it is astounding that anyone would vote for anything but the Lamb and Flag. The ambiance, the history, and the choice on tap are simply unmatched. Yet clearly location also plays a big factor: with their college literally a stone’s throw away across Oxford’s nicest cobbled passage, 49% of John’s students opted for L+F as their favourite pub, over 30 points more than average. A select few lucky students actually live above the pub. 

Drinking and society events 

Alongside pubs and bars, there is no shortage of drinking-related society events to attend in Oxford, with the most popular being Tuesgays, which 28% of respondents have attended at least once. In the political scene, it was once again a Labour victory by an underwhelming popular vote margin with Beer and Bickering sweeping 10.24% to Port and Policy’s 9.12%. 

All placing at just over 3% in the alliterative events space there is FemSoc’s Liberation and Liquor, Liquor and Liberalism, and the communist October Club’s Rum and Revolution (3.28%).

PPE soc’s Bottles and Banter was left with a meagre 17 respondents. Of course, should you become a section editor at Cherwell (see our Instagram), you’ll have access to our fantastic socials.  

The good, the bad, and the ugly places people have been drunk 

Oxford may be renowned as a place where Britain’s best minds tutor diligent students, but this hasn’t stopped nearly two thirds (64.6%) of us from being drunk around tutors at least once while at Oxford. 

From fresher formals to subject dinners, Oxford almost endorses enjoying a glass of wine (or five??) with tutors who wrote half of the secondary reading for your essays. Now the question is, does this enhance your professional relationship or hinder it? Maybe ask one of the 115 students who have been drunk around a tutor more than five times. 

As for the most inappropriate places Oxford students like to drink, naturally we have the holy trinity: church, library, tute. It almost seems as though students like to use alcohol as a coping mechanism for stressful situations (“prelims” was a frequent response, as well as the (more specific) “Spanish oral exam”). Others described having brought along mulled wine to “liven up” a tute. 

In fact, some get the memo about Oxford’s drinking culture before they are even accepted, taking the edge off their admissions interview. Start as you mean to go on, I guess. Now, although I would probably have to be drunk to ever sign up for the Oxford Half, this doesn’t mean you should run it whilst being under the influence, but according to one survey response, this has indeed been done. Whoever you are, the authors are in awe.  

It’s not just in academic settings that Oxford students are drinking in bizarre places (whatever happened on the “Hertford philosophy retreat in the Cotswolds”?) In fact, students drink in places ranging from the Tescalator to their cousin’s seventh birthday party. Some responses we were too scared to publish. The word ‘inappropriate’ has never felt so apt. 

The crewdate is often viewed as the cornerstone of drinking tradition here. Yet it’s not a universal phenomenon, with 39.3% of respondents having never been on one. Marmite comes to mind, with 16.7% having been on six or more throughout their degree. 

The timeless adage ‘what happens on a crewdate stays on a crewdate’ was cast aside by the Intoxtigation’s plucky respondents allowing us to provide you with some nuggets of Oxford’s weirdness. So if you are squeamish, look away now. Stories ranged from crewdate classics of taking shots out of belly buttons and eating a cucumber from two ends to somewhat more unconventional tales of body wash, breast milk, and exploding onion bhajis. Like social media moderators, the Features team has now seen everything from toe-sucking to dislocated knees, people going commando for ‘good pants bad pants’ to penis laceration. A large amount of responses were of a highly sexual nature. 

I sconce anyone who leaves a crewdate for not wanting to drink out of £500 shoes. And to the person who left the message “The Isis has been known to outdrink Cherwell” – I hope you have rectified this erroneous belief following the editorial team’s impressive week 6 performance. 

We couldn’t mention crewdates without talking about sport. Unsurprisingly, 67.4% of people considered rugby the most alcoholic sport, followed by football and rugby (both roughly 12.5%). Other common suggestions included hockey and netball. And whoever thinks choral singing is a sport, touch grass. 

Cost and choice 

How much we spend on alcohol is also a key factor in consumption, with the most common spend being £10-20 per week (26%). 35.3% spend less than this, or nothing at all (if you do drink, we’re assuming you only go to Spoons). 19% spend north of 30 quid each week. We’re assuming the 37 people who splash more than £70 each week (£560+ each term) are the rich friends that 31.6% of our respondents would rely on to buy jägerbombs for them in the club, or buy any at all. 40.9% refuse to get drinks in the club out of principle. Pres really is best. 

£4-£5 appears to be the average price of a pint where students are from. Apologies to the (presumably) Londoners – 8.8% of those surveyed – who pay over £7 each time, you (almost) have our sympathies. We’ve suspicious that anywhere in the UK the average price of a pint is £2, so we’re assuming the 80 people who selected this option live abroad or their hometown literally is just a Wetherspoons. 

Of course, it’s not just how much you’re paying but what you’re drinking that varies wildly. Beer is Oxford’s winner with a quarter of students judging it to be their favourite drink. A long way behind is cider (12.3%), closely followed by vodka and a mixer (11.5%), cocktails (10.9%), white wine (8.2%), gin and mixer (6.2%), red wine (6%), and so on. Wine is definitely a strong Oxford preference – if we’d combined all the wine categories (red, white, rosé, port, etc), it would have been a stronger second place at 18%. 78 aficionados surveyed have also been to Bacchus wine tasting. Honourable mentions from the open text response also go out to ale (yes stranger, we apologise for not diversifying the beer options respondents could select), crosskeys, and tea. 

If you’ve read this far, you clearly have enjoyed our crunching of Oxford’s alcohol numbers. We’ve tried to cover as much ground as possible, and with some interesting smaller points amongst the larger headline conclusions, hopefully everyone has learned something. And that something is probably to be very scared going into a crewdate. 

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