Sunday 20th July 2025
Blog Page 1068

Oxford wants to stay

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A Cherwell survey this week has revealed that 80 per cent of Oxford students think that Britain should remain in the European Union (EU). Of the 777 students surveyed, 13 per cent of respondents expressed the opinion that Britain should leave the EU, whilst only seven per cent remain undecided.

The results represent a significant divergence from national polls. The latest online poll by YouGov for The Times found that 38 per cent of adults surveyed wanted to leave the EU, 37 wished to remain, and 25 per cent remained undecided or were not planning to vote.

Cherwell’s EU survey comes after Prime Minister David Cameron announced last week that the EU referendum would be held on Thursday 23rd June. Following the announcement, five senior Cabinet ministers, including Michael Gove and Iain Duncan Smith declared their intention to campaign for Britain to leave the EU. A sixth member of the Cabinet, Boris Johnson, also announced his decision to join the Leave campaign on Sunday.

Aside from the national campaigns, a number of university-based campaigns have recently launched in Oxford. In response to the survey, the Co-Chairs of Oxford Students for Europe (OSFE,) Eilidh Macfarlane and David Klemperer, told Cherwell, “We are delighted with the results of Cherwell’s s urvey, w hich r eflects t he strong support for EU membership that Oxford students have shown in their reactions to our campaigning.

“We hope that many more of the hundreds expressing a desire to remain in the European Union will get involved in this incredibly important campaign over the coming months, and that Oxford students will vote to remain in the EU by such a strong margin in June.”

Meanwhile Oliver Shore, a member of Oxford Students for Britain (OSFB), the ‘Leave’ campaign in Oxford, told Cherwell, “It looks like we have a bit of a mountain to climb on campus! But I feel confident that, over the next four months, we will be able to win round students to our cause, as we campaign in advance of this referendum.”

Shore added, “Happily, a large proportion of the country is on our side, with good reason, and I look forward to laying out the reasons why students have little to fear and much to gain by voting to leave the European Union. I’m sure that the students of Oxford will be more receptive to our case than the EU was to David Cameron’s ‘renegotiation’.”

Despite the Europhilic sentiment expressed by the majority of Oxford students in Cherwell’s survey, many students appeared sceptical of the concessions negotiated by Cameron last week, with only 24 per cent of respondents agreeing that the concessions will help Britain’s relationship with the EU. 42 per cent thought that the concessions would not help, while a significant proportion of students, 34 per cent, remain undecided.

Cherwell’s survey also asked students to select which issues surrounding the EU referendum were most important to them.

For students expressing a desire for Britain to remain in the EU, the two most important issues highlighted were the free movement of people and the economic implications for Britain, with over three quarters of respondents selecting these issues as important.

In contrast, for students who think that Britain should leave the EU, British sovereignty was found to be by far the most significant issue, with nearly 80 per cent of respondents selecting this issue. EU regulations and the free movement of people also registered as important for many of those students who want Britain to leave the EU.

Altair Brandon-Salmon, a first-year student at Wadham, told Cherwell, “It is disappointing to see that so many Oxford students have already made up their mind to vote to stay in the European Union, without perhaps understanding the manifold issues surrounding this profoundly un-democratic, bureaucratic, elitist, top-down institution.”

He added that it is “striking that issues of democratic accountability are not amongst the highest of priorities for university students, which seems to show a lack of understanding as to how the EU works.”

OULC general meeting debacle, what happened?

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A spectre is haunting progressive politics in Oxford: the spectre of apologism. There is a proud and noble Labour tradition which places at its centre a belief in common human dignity and equality of persons. It has been this sincere belief in combatting racism in all of its forms which influenced the thoughts and actions of Labour greats such as Hugh Gaitskell, Harold Wilson and (whether you like it or not) Tony Blair. But it seems that the Labour Club has (to my mind) erred greatly, resulting not least in the resignation of OULC co-chair Alex Chalmers. More importantly, it has strayed from the belief in cooperation which has been a defining feature since the party’s inception in 1900.

I initially attended the meeting so as to ensure that Oxford University Labour Club voted to finance the Oxford Students for Europe campaign, of which I am an active member. However, little did I know that I would be involved in a heated half-hour exchange on the issue of supporting “Israeli Apartheid Week.” This was not, to be clear, a debate on OULC’s stance for the Israel/Palestine conflict. It was not a debate exclusively on standing in solidarity with the plight of the Palestinian people. These discussions and declarations are central to political discourse, and it is important to note that there is nothing wrong with criticising aspects of Israeli domestic policy. What it was a debate on supporting an event which on its website explicitly states how one of its primary aims is to build support for the controversial Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement.

There are plenty of reasons why support of BDS is problematic to say the least. Firstly and foremostly, for OULC to vote in favour of an event sympathetic to BDS is to show ambivalence to the fact that BDS serves the function of putting into doubt the economic security of large number of Palestinians and Israeli Arabs. These are people who are reliant on the performance of the Israeli economy in order to have a wage to take home. On a more abstract level, BDS represents the height of double standards that sections of political activists are willing to apply blindly to the agents of the Middle East. There was a rather conspicuous absence of any mention of the human-shield using Hamas which forms the political elite within Palestine.

A further complaint made by members of the debate – members who repeatedly expressed criticism of the Israeli state and sympathy for Palestine – was that the term ‘apartheid’ was inappropriate. For a moment consider why this is so. Apartheid is an Afrikaan term using to describe ‘the state of being apart’. It holds a number of very specific connotations which, in my mind, are not transferable to the Arab-Israeli conflict. Firstly, one of the central issues surrounding Apartheid was the lack of suffrage for black South Africans. Contrast this to modern day Israeli democracy, where there is an inclusive electoral system which values the ballots of all citizens are valued. It also provides the kind of undertone which assumes that people who are supportive of the Israeli state are in some way racially prejudiced against the Arab world.

These complaints and reservations were raised in debate by a number of speakers within the debate. A female member raised real concern about the very pertinent risk of demonization often faced by Jewish students today who suffer at the ignorance and misunderstanding of others. It is ironic that for a motion that was meant to be in solidarity with the Palestinian people justified in protecting their civil liberties was to have the potential for an event which in the past has led to anti-Semitic exclusion, abuse and a fear for their own personal safety. She and others raised concerns about the kind of speakers which had been invited to past Israeli Apartheid Week events in Cambridge and in SOAS. The response: it is not appropriate to criticise a movement for the views of some of its constituents. It is when you provided them a platform for their vitriolic views in the first instance.

Nobody really bothered to engage with the concerns that were raised. Indeed, there were whispers of ‘classic’ when she pointed out her Jewish heritage, as if her identity deprived her of any independent intellectual faculty. A former co-chair of the Labour club was accused of ad homenium where none could be found. It was one of the messiest discussions I ever had the displeasure of witnessing. It got so low as to attempt to exclude members of OUCA and OULD from voting. Indeed, one of the greatest laughs of the night came when somebody told me that I was playing a game by being a members of multiple societies. The only thing that I would have to apologise for is my belief in pluralistic and cooperative democracy. These are principles the hard left has forgotten all too often. All they care for is ideological purity.

This is a saddening turn of events indeed. But let it be clear what this article is meant to represent. It is not meant to be a blanket criticism of OULC, an organisation for which I have huge amounts of respect for (and have a number of friends on the executive). Noni, the remaining co-chair, is hyper competent and attempted to manage the debate as best as she could. There are many within the Labour Club that hold the principles of democratic socialism dearly, and will sacrifice countless hours in order to attain a compassionate society free from poverty, strife, and discrimination of all kinds. But the time is now for the moderates within the party to reclaim the club. It is time for those who truly care for the future of the Labour Party to ‘fight, fight and fight again’. Before it is too late….

The Blues Brothers: Lacrosse Varsity

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When I tell people I have younger twin brothers playing against each other in Varsity lacrosse on Saturday their first response is very often “Oh wow, how do your parents feel about that?” Next is: “Who are you going to support?” and then finally, “So, how come you don’t play, then?”

The answers to these questions tend to follow something along the lines of “Quite nervous”, “Oxford, obviously”, and “I don’t really know.” For some reason, Gabe (the good Oxford twin) and Will (the shameful Cambridge twin) took to the sport at an early age and it passed me by. Clearly my destiny was to stand by the pitch and take notes to write student journo stuff about it. Not as impressive, maybe, but hey. I try my best.

I’m told Cambridge are the favourites, though this is based on them winning in the BUCS league earlier in term. Gabe swearing he will never speak to Will again if a Tab victory does indeed come to pass has done nothing to ease the nerves of our parents, no matter how much he insists it was meant as a joke. I think perhaps it is because deep down, there is a kernel of truth to it – I’ve watched from the sidelines, able to stay in bed all day or make poor decisions involving alcohol as my brothers go through early-morning training and drinking bans, and they both really, really want to win.

The stakes are slightly lower for Gabe, having won last time and getting his Blue (which is discretionary in men’s lacrosse), but This Time It’s Personal. A victory in Oxford, in front of a home crowd in the 100th Varsity match, would be something very special. Meanwhile Will, having taken a gap year, has been waiting to get stuck into University lacrosse for a very long time, and this is the make-or-break point of the season, by which success or failure is judged. Revenge is on Tab minds: Oxford have won for the last four years, and in the past 23 years Cambridge have only won four times. No-one on the Cambridge side has ever won Varsity.

My brothers like lacrosse a lot. They’ve played as part of the England academy, been on multiple exchanges to America and play regularly for a club, Spencer, which is seen as one of the most successful in the South (lacrosse in England is an especially Northern quirk at the moment, with powerhouse teams centred around Manchester and Lancashire, but it’s growing rapidly across the country). Other players from the club play for Exeter and Manchester’s first teams. When I asked Gabe whether Spencer or Oxford would win in a match, he just laughed at me. No competition, he said. Oxford would get battered.

It’s probably worth pointing out that lacrosse often has a reputation in the UK as being ‘for girls’; this is a) ridiculously sexist and b) not indicative of the physicality of the sport – if you don’t believe me, just have a quick Youtube of some lacrosse hits. At the highest level, it’s akin to American football with sticks. My brothers play roughly opposite positions, with Gabe in attack and Will in defence or defensive midfield. There is quite a possibility that they’ll be clattering each other for an hour. I’m not sure who I would back if things got heated, but I am certain that my poor parents’ nerves couldn’t take it. Whatever happens at Uni Parks on Saturday, at least it will be exciting.

"Nothing to hide, nothing to fear, right?"

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“Nothing, to hide, nothing to fear, right?” Shami Chakrabarti repeats, slowly building up the image of an ever more invasive state, watching everyone’s daily lives “just to check” nothing suspicious is occurring. In this internet age she explains how our location, relationships and the websites we visit can be tracked by those wishing to listen in. Shami continually assets, “you’re ok with that, right?” acknowledging the government’s belief in their right to listen in to ensure our safety. But as her picture of a Big-Brother state emerges it is evident that Shami thinks we should definitely not be “OK” with this blanket surveillance.

Shami Chakrabarti is the director of Liberty, the British civil liberties advocacy organisation, and has campaigned against “excessive” anti-terrorist measures that give governments the power to watch our presence online. Explaining how Liberty formed in 1934 as a reaction against undercover police officers posing as hunger marchers and inciting violence, Shami talks about the organisation’s current concern with government interference, citing Edward Snowden’s revelations about global surveillance programmes. She highlights the lack of democratic debate and checks and balances in government monitoring systems, and warns about how information can be kept in databases with the potential to be brought up and used against individuals in the future without proper context or background. It is clear that Shami is concerned that the benefits gained from the reasonable use of targeted intelligence are being counteracted by this blanket surveillance in which everyone is treated as a suspect. Her arguments are reasonable, measured and logical in a debate that is often wrought with extreme opinions and panicked positions, and it is hard to disagree with her.

As a prominent human rights lawyer, it is unsurprising that Shami moves on to discuss the necessity of preserving the Human Rights Act in Britain. Drawing on the topical issue of censorship on university campuses, she explains the need for the right for freedom of speech and expression, asserting that there is no such thing as “no platform” in an internet age. She instead argues for counter speech as the most effective means of combatting against the misguided and again, whilst her beliefs may not always be practical (especially in communities which are entrenched in potentially violent ideology) Shami presents a convincing case.

Listing the first fourteen human rights acts one by one, Shami explains recent cases involving slavery, torture and arbitrary detention , crimes that seem remote from modern British life, that still need to be fought against on a daily basis to ensure justice.

“Everyone loves their own human rights and those of the people they identify with,” she observes, but “other people’s freedoms seem cheaper until it’s almost too late.” And it is this point which Shami wants to highlight – that although the Human Rights Act may seem irrelevant to us in our broadly democratic, stable society, it isn’t the same everywhere. By removing or rewriting the act without democratic consultation we effectively remove our rights, with no legislative body existing to support us, and could end up in a situation where these human rights abuses become more common. For this reason Shami copies the entirety of the Human Rights Act in her book, On Liberty, in the hope that people will read through and fully understand them to perceive just how crucial they are in upholding our liberty.

Words here don’t mean what we think they mean

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★★★★☆

Mercury Fur is the second Philip Ridley play I’ve seen this term and I don’t even watch that much theatre. Ridley’s appeal to student directors is I suppose obvious. His plays aim to shock in the way that Beckett’s or Albee’s once did, but with the advantage of still being relatively new – not yet chewed up and spat, normalised, back out again by decades of their own stifling fame. At their best, Ridley’s plays shock a lot. And while Mercury Fur’s Hilary predecessor, 2nd Week’s The Fastest Clock in the Universe at the BT, often fumbled in delivering this promise, Mercury Fur has moments where it fully succeeds, where it really does shock. At the very least it’s a production which recognises that a ‘brave’ choice of play, while an admirable first step, needs to be matched by even braver choices on stage if it’s to stand on its own feet.

The Fastest Clock in the Universe is an apt point of comparison because at a basic level they’re very similar plays. A chamber-piece alternate reality with a dysfunctional but sweet pairing at its heart is carefully constructed, put under increasing stress by the intrusion of characters from ‘outside’, and eventually stretched to breaking point in a fiercely horrible ending. The relationship at the heart of Mercury Fur is between Calam Lynch’s too-literate-for-this drug dealer Elliot (“he’s read books”) and his younger sister Darren, played by Mia Smith, performances which for me helmed the play and were easily its best. Smith in particular swerves wonderfully between fear of her brother’s angry outbursts and the jittery childish enthusiasm which so often causes them – the opening salvo of dialogue between the two siblings has all the energy and verve that a play which begins with a doorway being torn open deserves.

Ridley’s dialogue is showily profane, expletives scattered throughout and often where you least expect them. At one point in berating Darren, Elliot mashes together a hyperspeed run of racial and ethnic descriptors and insults, leaving the audience to work out whether the effect is hideous or comic (see also: his definition of ‘alacrity’). Words here don’t mean what we think they mean. ‘Butterflies’ for example are hallucinogens which Elliot delivers by ice cream van; as an audience member you spend much of the play working out exactly what the ‘party’ for which so much preparation is being made will actually entail (another similarity with The Fastest Clock in the Universe). This, clearly, is an environment of desensitization writ large – one where torture and assassination give Darren sexual pleasure, where her new mate Nas’s reminisces of her family lead blandly into recollecting witnessing their deaths from a supermarket cereal aisle.

To a certain extent there’s only so far you can take such piano-wire verbal tension though, and for me there was a point about 2/3rds of the way through where we had one too many characters onstage with a penchant for shouting at the rest in a vain attempt to assert control. Such a constantly high volume threw those performances into relief that didn’t resort to such techniques – Elliot’s transvestite girlfriend Lola (played wonderfully by the nevertheless slightly too well-spoken Cassian Bilton), or their sinisterly camp city boy client (Charlie MacVicar). And the violence which inevitably closes the play is disappointingly lurching in intensity, albeit with some wonderful sound design that’ll leave Chuck Berry’s ‘Johnny B. Goode’ ringing in your ears in all the wrong ways. To the credit of the playwright and the production however, the play doesn’t rest at simply being violent – and in examining its repercussions provides an ending that is startlingly, wonderfully intense. It shocks a lot

Review: Giselle

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★★★★☆

When I walked into New Theatre Oxford to see the Russian State Ballet of Serbia perform Giselle, I thought I knew what I was going to get. It would be the usual, somewhat twisted, romantic psych thriller I had seen before, with country-style costumes in earth tones to accompany the extreme display of emotion that is essential to the plot. What I found instead was something more like the Disneyfied version of a Grimm Brothers tale, and I half anticipated that Giselle would somehow return from the dead to marry a remorseful Count Albrecht at the end. 

While the dancing was phenomenal and the lifts were sharp and snappy, I was completely thrown by the costume choices. All of the peasant girls who danced in the first act had tutus of nearly neon shades of yellow and orange, with some also in what looked like lime green silk shower caps. Their costumes then clashed perfectly with that of Giselle, danced by Ekaterina Bulgutova, who looked more like Dorothy than a nineteenth century peasant girl. The whole first act seemed as if it were about to cross over into the land of Oz.

The costumes may have been functioning as an overly explicit form of signposting, with the Countess who steals the Count away from Giselle wearing a jet black gown punctuated in blood-red ribbon that weaved in and out of her bodice through metal-rimmed openings in a strange nod to retro punk fashion. That the two male leads, Georgiy Bolsunovskiy as Hans the forester and Yury Kudryavstev as Count Albrecht, were plainly dressed was an unexpected twist. I would have at least liked to see commitment to the colorful eccentrism of the costumes if it were to appear at all.

That said, Bolsunovskiy and Kudryavstev also performed well, though I found that the former overshadowed the latter in emotion. The forester, who is typically presented as a rather hateful figure who tries to prevent Giselle from following her heart, was perhaps the redeeming grace of the show. It may have been an accident of casting, but the forester was so likable here that I almost felt indignant that he was not the one to have the final dance with her ghost.

Though it probably sounds by this point as if I did not enjoy the ballet, I thoroughly did, and it made a miraculous comeback in the second act. The costumes of the Wilis were on point (no pun intended) and looked like something out of a Vera Wang show. The choreography was fresh but still intelligible within the scope of the plot, and the music was equal parts celebratory and mournful. The Queen of the Wilis, danced by Elena Pogorelaya, was perfectly terrifying.

My main wish for the show is only that the strange costuming had not disrupted the intensity of the so-called “mad” scene, in which Giselle threatens to kill herself after realizing the Count is engaged to the Countess but dies of a broken heart before she ever gets the chance. Bulgutova danced her part here beautifully, but I found myself a bit thrown as I watched what looked like an attempted suicide in the land of the munchkins.

Believe it or not, the skill of the dancers in my mind won out in the end, and I give Giselle four stars. 

Feel the Bern… while you can

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Just a few years ago, the prospect of a self-described Socialist winning the democratic ticket would have seemed preposterous. It was this view, now largely anachronistic, that prevented Vermont’s Sen. Bernie Sanders and his bid for the White House from being taken seriously. Yet, we were, almost all of us, utterly wrong. His increasingly momentous campaign has certainly shaken the all-time Democratic favoured, Hillary Clinton, especially after her landslide defeat in New Hampshire and the unexpected draw in Iowa. Even before these two debacles, the pressure was mounting, forcing Clinton to reconsider her views and move to the left, especially on the issue of minimum wage and on Wall Street regulation. Despite this, it is all over. Or at least it will soon be. The Nevada caucus showed Clinton’s strength and the cause of her future victory: the Mid-West and Southern states and their coloured minorities. In these two categories, Sanders seems unable to climb mount improbable and revert the situation as he has done in the East Coast, which appears to be by now a ‘Bernite’ stronghold. His lack of campaign funds and Super PAC sponsors, in this case, does not favour him either, especially in appealing to low-information voters in the deep South.

Until now, these factors did not suffice to bring the duel between the two to a premature end, making the race a thrilling but time-wasting head-to-head, but next Tuesday, they will. Coming up on the 1st of March, ‘Super Tuesday’ will see a line-up of 11 states (plus residents abroad and American Samoa) and, you guessed it, they are disproportionately Southern. Ranging from Texas to the Clinton family’s historical stronghold and home state of Arkansas, the caucuses will be a bloodbath. As if this wasn’t enough, Southern States tend to present a disproportionate number of delegates per state, as Texas has almost ten times Vermont’s. By now, it should be clear where this is going. Sanders’ probable victories in Massachusetts and Vermont will mean nothing when juxtaposed to Clinton’s expected victories virtually everywhere else.

But Super Tuesday’s lacerations will not be limited to the sheer delegate numbers, as the media perception and coverage of the Sanders campaign will revert to its original state of dismissive disregard. Bundled with the lack of Super Delegates, and the widening delegate spread, currently sitting on a solid 502 to 70 in Clinton’s favour, the Sanders phenomena will be promptly dismissed, and the party will rally around Clinton and her name recognition. It is true that the Super Delegates’ support is not yet binding, and their endorsement can be changed at any time, as happened in 2008 when many defected to Obama’s camp. But the polling numbers do not justify such a rearrangement, especially considering Sanders’ alienation from the party leadership, from where the Super Delegates are picked. Again, at the cost of appearing redundant it must be said once more: it’s over, and it is time to clean up and go home.

While Clinton’s defeat is highly unlikely at this point, the Sanders campaign will not evaporate as did Jeb Bush’s. The reason is simple. Sanders does not count on the support of large donors which will de-fund his campaign in case of serious and unexpected political beatings, allowing him to carry on nevertheless,  and making him likely to stick around and give Clinton and her Super PAC donors heart palpitations. But this foreseeable panic will have to do more with Sanders’ extreme stances, by U.S. standards at least, and Hillary Clinton’s unmatched desire to make Bill her First lady. This said, the Sanders phenomena and presidential bid should not be quickly dismissed as a temporary phantasmagoria from which the Democrats were bound to wake up. Along with Trump, he was the political revelation of the race. It did stir up an astonishing enthusiasm in the American left; a body which nobody really thought existed. It did influence other candidates on both sides. It did pose a threat to the, otherwise unchallenged, Clinton; but, as of Tuesday, the use of the past tense will become imperative. 

California is Loaded

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‘From Disneyland to farmland, we’ve got Scientology and superstars, Silicon and silicone, crips and bloods. The border. Krumpin’ Clownin’ Jerkin’. The surf and the turf. The boom and the bust. California is humanity run amuck and then packaged, branded and sold. California Cuisine, California Love, California Casual, California Gold, California Girls, and of course, California Dreams. If it exists in the world, it exists here and it does so with pizzaz.’

Introduction to the Video series ‘California is a Place’

 

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Excuse my French!

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As a second year French sole student who will have to take both translation and grammar papers in fourth year, you can imagine my feelings of surprise, outrage and frustration when I learnt of the recent changes to the French language, affecting roughly 2400 words, being implemented from the start of the 2016/17 academic year.

First things first, what is actually going to change?

  • The deletion in some words of the hyphens.
  • Circumflexes to be removed above the letter i and u in certain words.
  • The bizarre removal of letters creating jarring new words. For example, the French for Onion: ‘Oignon‘ now becomes ‘Ognon‘, which looks like the name of a villain from Lord of the Rings.

The Académie Française, watchdogs of the French language, initially approved this set of reforms a staggering 26 years ago in 1990, but it is only now that they are being acted upon. It must be noted they are only ‘optional’- a laughable proposition on its own. How can a set of official spellings be optional? I mean it’s optional for me to spell anything wrong, but that doesn’t make it right does it?

Also why create this unnecessary confusion? If the aim is to improve learning, then we should be simplifying the process, not complicating it. Good spelling is about precision, a word is either spelt completely correctly, or it’s wrong. There’s not meant to be any middle ground, so having an optional ‘i’ in ‘oignon‘ is counter-intuitive and frankly bonkers.

The announcements provoked an enormous backlash amongst the French public, who were outraged by what they considered to be an attack on their language, culture and national heritage. On Twitter, the hash tag of #JeSuisCirconflexe was taken up in protest.

The only potentially valid argument in favour of these changes (brace yourselves for its subsequent dismantling), relates to France’s immigration problem, which has arguably never been so pressing. The lack of integration of new settlers into French society results in the creation of ethnic ghettos in the suburbs of major cities such as Paris and the infamous ‘banlieues‘ de Marseille. Since many of these people are coming to France with little or no knowledge of French, then surely making the language as easy as possible to learn will help them settle into mainstream French society and form a link with the culture, as opposed to what happens far too often; individual ethnic groups living together in small, insular communities and having very little interaction with the rest of French society, with many making no effort to learn the language. This is the perfect breeding ground for racial/ethical tension and more worryingly, extremist radicalisation, which is an ever-growing and very real problem being faced in the West.

However, changing a handful of words in an arbitrary manner won’t suddenly encourage people to engage with the rest of society and learn the national language. The problem lies in the social segregation and the atmosphere of tension, which is what the French government should be focusing on, rather than taking away the circumflex.

In response to criticism, the AF claimed the changes reflected an evolving language. This is a fair enough point, us British too aren’t shy of adding new words to our language. It was only last August that ‘ awesomesauce (adjective): extremely good; excellent’ (truly embarrassing) was added to the OED. Of course this is an intentionally bizarre example and I wouldn’t disagree that new words should be officially added to languages to keep them up to date, but changing words that have proudly stood for hundreds of years and have made up the backbone of countless works of literary greatness and cultural significance is an out-right attack, and doing so in the name of simplification is an insult to the French peoples’ intelligence.

All languages have idiosyncrasies, especially English; funny little rules that you only learn by getting wrong, and they’re something to cherish. I savour that little jolt of smug pleasure you feel when you hear someone getting something wrong that you had previously gotten wrong but learnt from it. Take ‘hanged’ for example – you say ‘the nasty villain was hanged’, not ‘he was hung’, it’s ‘hanged.’

Finally, poor spelling abilities could be blamed on the reduced importance placed on reading in our society, where everything is condensed to a 140-character tweet, with little attention paid to the spelling or grammar.

If I were in charge of the Oxford Modern Languages faculty, I would have released a formal statement, announcing that the faculty isn’t acknowledging these changes and is sticking to good old fashioned, traditional French. If it was good enough for Voltaire, it’s damn well good enough for me.

So, if the word ‘onion’ comes up in my finals translation paper, rest assured, I’ll be spelling it ‘oignon.’