Monday 9th June 2025
Blog Page 1094

Race to the Superbowl heats up

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Home, sweet home. For the first time in 12 years, all four home teams in the Divisional Round of the NFL playoffs secured victories and are all now one step closer to playing in the Superbowl in Levi’s Stadium on 7th February.

In the AFC, the Patriots advanced to their fifth consecutive AFC championship game after cruising over the Kansas City Chiefs 27-20. Honestly, the Patriots are making NFL football look a little too easy, although I guess it can’t be too difficult when you have one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, one of the best coaches of all time, and as of Saturday, the tight-end with the most touchdown receptions in the playoffs for his position in history. Some say all men are created equal. These people are liars, because me and Gronkowski are not in the same league.

The Broncos, on the other hand, have a far less comfortable game against the injury-worn Pittsburgh Steelers. On the night, Peyton Manning looked distinctly mortal and the Broncos’ all-time great defence came through in the dying minutes, sacking Roethlisberger on a crucial fourth down. Missing Antonio Brown made all the diff erence for the unfortunate Pittsburgh side, who were lucky to have even made it a close game. Admittedly, they were helped by the fact that all the Bronco receivers seemed to have covered their gloves in industrial soap before the game, because the only thing they were catching in the first half was a cold.

Over to the NFC, top-seeded North Carolina Panthers survived an almost-miraculous comeback by the Seattle Seahawks, who were prevented from reaching their third straight Super Bowl. Having survived the previous round thanks to Blair Walsh missing a kick that will haunt Vikings fans for the rest of their existence on planet Earth, the Seahawks were not benefi ciaries of fortune against the dominant Panthers, who raced to a 31-0 lead at halftime. With the Seahawks (the Legion of Boom) thoroughly rocked to their core, Wilson couldn’t muster a big enough surge towards the end, leaving the Panthers with a 31-24 victory.

The only home team to take a legitimate scare this weekend was the Arizona Cardinals, who needed their star receiver, Larry Fitzgerald’s, magic to conquer the Green Bay Packers in overtime. The highlight of the game, though, was when Aaron Rodgers launched a beauty of a 50-yard Hail Mary with five seconds left to send the contest into overtime – a pass that would have made the quarterback gods shed tears of pride. It makes one wonder what Rodgers could have accomplished over the last two years had he been working with receivers that actually ran like receivers, such as Jordy Nelson.

All eyes now turn to the championship games. Will the North Carolina Panthers’ fairy-tale season continue with a win over the Cardinals? Will Tom Brady be able to decode Wade Phillips’ dominant defence? Will the NFL finally reveal that Gronkowski is in fact half-human, half-Teen Wolf and thus is ineligible to continue playing for the Patriots? We shall see…

Centaurs success in Amsterdam

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The OUAFC second XI tour saw 15 ‘Centaurs’ travel to Amsterdam for a six-day pre-Hilary workout. The side, which faces an uphill battle to improve its BUCS fortunes, returned home unbeaten following impressive performances against two strong Dutch sides.

The 4-0 victory in their opening game was arguably the team’s best performance of the season. The first international friendly pitted the OUAFC side against the prestigious Leiden University. Despite fears the opposition would be a typically technical Dutch side and the malevolence of a distinctly continental referee, Oxford came out as 4-0 winners.

It was an emphatic performance led by the three goals of Fred Howell on a pristine artificial surface that allowed for an expansive and free-flowing brand of football. Whilst Michaelmas BUCS results were disappointing for the Centaurs side, there is no doubting their talent, and their opening performance on Dutch soil was testament to that. Although the evening was straightforward for the touring side, Howell did endeavour to jeopardise Anglo-Dutch relations; a high boot left the Leiden centre-back needing stitches. All tension was seemingly diffused, though, as the Dutch side ended the evening by presenting Oxford with a parting gift: a European multi-socket plug.

The team’s second game saw the OUAFC outfit travel to Leiden once more, and an away draw to the impressive LSVV Football Factory ensured the Oxford side ended the tour unbeaten. In the first half, the Dutch side dominated possession, but an obstinate defensive performance and Howell’s fourth goal of the tour ensured the OUAFC outfit led going into the break. However, whilst Oxford moved through the gears impressively in the second half and actually began to control the game, LSVV struck from a corner 10 minutes from time and the score remained 1-1.

In his final team talk of the tour, captain Joe Fowles expressed his delight with the outcome of the two games. The Pembroke third-year had travelled hoping for “good game time and strong performances across the team”, and felt this had been achieved to a man: Callum Akass, the Keble finalist, was crowned ‘Man of the Tour’.

With six BUCS fixtures and an epic Varsity encounter forthcoming, the Oxford team could not have hoped for a better start to what could be a promising Hilary.

The kids are more than alright

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I spent some time interning at a magazine last summer, and was tasked with helping to create their new It-List. It would be one of many such lists, like Forbes’ formidable 30 Under 30 roster, that would hit the shelves at the beginning of 2016. Mainstream media’s obsession with youth is nothing new (see Mad About The Boy, an exhibition exploring the historic allure of male youth currently showing at London College of Fashion), and will never grow old, but the focus of this idolatry has, I feel, shifted perceptibly from the young and beautiful to the young and successful. Imputing hundreds of potential names, ages and glittering professional accolades into a spreadsheet, it quickly transpired that the basic formula for making the cut was, essentially, the younger the better: pre-teen artists and activists were the list’s gold dust, and it all got less impressive from there. Reading these lists, I feel, at 21, old. And frankly, a little (a lot) jealous of the tastemakers of tomorrow – I haven’t yet achieved anything extraordinary, and despite always getting good grades and trying wholeheartedly to blunder on down the badly signposted path to success, I am, on the whole, average.  

The generation in question though, the ten-somethings who get me wistfully thinking about what I should have been doing after school instead of watching Friends re-runs, contains such notable names as 16 year old Lily-Rose Depp, model, actress (and Jonny Depp’s offspring), 17 year old Jaden and 15 year old Willow Smith who are both making names for themselves as outspoken young musicians and philosophers of life, and 17 year old Amandla Stenberg, who has been fighting for better racial representation in Hollywood. According to MTV, this ‘Generation Z’, distinct from Millenials for never knowing a world without touch screens, will be the ‘founders’ among us. This founding spirit can be seen in the fruits of the young Instagram coterie’s labours – from starting up online movements which have taken up roots across the globe, like 15 year old Mars’ Art Hoe collective platforming creative young POC, to making music and garnering fame from the moment they upload a cover to Soundcloud, like Lorde, who at 19 already has two Grammies.

The democratising plurality of the internet is such that qualifications and experience aren’t worth anything; anyone can start their own international media empire by developing a network of writers online, and garnering an international audience for your artwork through Instagram is as meritocratic a process as I can think of. For example, artists like 19 year old Chloe Sheppard have become successful based on the quality of her photography and the beauty of her vision, rather than going through the motions of formal academic training to legitimise her voice. I wondered that creating such a social-media sensation isn’t a sustainable route to success IRL, however girls like Tavi Gevinston with her Rookie media empire have proved that you should patronise young bloggers at your own behest.

So unlike Bret Easton Ellis’ constant condemnation of ‘Generation Wuss’, or Simon Doonan’s opinions on youth culture as stated recently in Slate (one extract reads ‘the young folks of today are a bunch of insanely overachieving, materialistic, poorly educated, distraction-prone, conformist, mentally turgid losers, whose only discernable skill is the ability to sext pics of their genitals to one another’), I don’t think that today’s teens are inherently much worse, or much better for that matter, than their predecessors. Some things have definitely changed: apparently because of the socio-economic uncertainty of adulthood, teenagers are getting much less fucked up than they used to, with underage drinking and narcotics use much lower than it was a decade ago according to a 2013 Department of Health study. We’re all being called the ‘precariat’ because of the uncertain nature of our futures – destined to live in far-out suburbs working endless unpaid internships and forever chasing the dragon of a fulfilling career. 

We have been made to think that, after university, we will all be fighting for the same shitty jobs, forced to compete against each other for the same scarce breadcrumbs of a post-credit-crunch world. Maybe then it is the looming shape of a bleak 20s that is pushing young people to work harder, to carve out a place for themselves in the world if it looks like that space doesn’t yet exist. That Generation Z can found a future not based on crippling student debt and apathetic inertia shouldn’t make me jealous or bitter. There’s enough time for us all. 

An Englishman Abroad: One man and his NBA experience

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It was with excitement and trepidation, I must admit, that I left the dreaming spires of Oxford for the bright lights of London, all in the name of being a dedicated sports fan. This is not an uncommon occurrence for me, as I often return to the capital for football or rugby matches.

However, this time my destination was neither Wembley, nor Twickenham but rather the O2 Arena, a venue more often associated with One Direction tours than elite sporting fixtures, but tonight that cavernous arena was transformed into an All American basketball stadium with all the requisite bells and whistles. The English sporting fan experience is fairly standardised: a few quick pints before the match, and polite applause at various point of interest. Then at half time it’s time for another pint accompanied by a pie or sausage roll. Fans watch the second half with the same polite attention as they did the first half. Afterwards everyone trudges off home content with a win, loss or draw, secure in the knowledge they’ll all be back a week later to perform this ritual once more.

As I was soon to discover this is rather different for Americans. It seems that just having sport as entertainment isn’t enough.

Upon entering the O2 I therefore found myself in what I can only describe as a mix between a nightclub and a sports stadium. There was the court below me, the benches for the players, water, towels, officials – everything one would expect to see. More unexpected was the strobe lighting which fl ashed from every available nook and cranny, all whilst DJ ‘D Strong’ played some banging club remixes that wouldn’t be out of place upstairs in Bridge on a Thursday.

I relaxed as the players emerged, thinking that the game was about to get underway, but how wrong I was. What occurred next was a mixture of incredible showmanship and corny patriotism that made me a little bit sick in my mouth. All the players lined up and the DJ stopped playing so the announcer could ask everyone to “stand up and remove their caps for the national anthems”, which this Englishman did with more than an ounce of scepticism. As the anthems were sung, huge fl ags were unfurled from the ceiling and a montage of American and British military action was shown so we could ‘honour the troops’. A booming voice announced the starting line-ups, with each player running out and performing a unique ritualistic handshake comprising of shoulder-bumps and hi-fives with their teammates. All the while, smoke billowed and mascots breakdanced in the middle of the court.

Eventually it seemed that the organisers had run out of ideas of how to waste more time, resources and sponsors’ money and finally the action got underway. It is clear to any spectator that basketball as a sport is fast-paced and exciting, with lots of athleticism, tactical movement and precise accuracy. But it also typifi es the short attention span of the majority of the American public. Not content with a patient build- up of play, the teams are expected to shoot within 24 seconds, accompanied of course with a background cacophony of pop remixes.

The frequent time-outs and breaks at the end of each quarter bring with them no respite.It seems that Americans cannot fathom having nothing to entertain them whilst the players take a rest. Accordingly, they are satiated with a mix of scantily-clad female dancers and the ‘Kiss Cam’, which forces selected couples to engage in PDA whilst their faces are projected onto a giant jumbotron. American celebrity culture permeated this event, which in my opinion degraded the gravitas owed to a sporting occasion. The players on court who deserved the most coverage and attention were often left sidelined as the crowd focused on the jumbotron as it picked out a Z-list audience of celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, footballers such as Robert Pirès and Didier Drogba and popstar Fleur East.

The game itself was as close as it gets and at the end of the four quarters the score was a nailbiting 96-96. However, I had forgotten that the American mindset isn’t programmed to fathom a draw. It it implausible for them not have a winner and a loser. Thus, it seems, the show must go on until one side can be crowned superior. So we endured another five minutes of thumping bass and competitive sport until eventually the Toronto Raptors emerged victorious.

I left the O2 exhausted and enthralled, yet somewhat dizzy and with a headache. Whether that was a case of bright lights, loud music and consistently hearing American accents for two and a half hours I’m unsure. Or maybe it was simply because I didn’t have the money to buy a £5 bottle of water. Maybe I’ll be back, maybe I won’t. All I know is that this was the maddest sports match I have ever been to.

Lamenting fashion’s familiar face

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When I first walked into the Metropolitan Museum’s Jacqueline de Ribes: The Art of Style exhibition a couple of weeks ago, I was struck by the dark atmosphere, punctuated throughout with sharp spotlights, and the huge fi lm being played in black and white directly across from the entryway. The two-room exhibition, designed as a loop around a centre space with short videos playing, gives off the air of a high-class cocktail party with music streaming and mannequins touting sumptuous dresses in brilliant colors, poised as if preparing for the flash of a camera and a subsequent feature in a socialites tabloid. Another large film screen greets you as you enter the second room to the right of the lengthy entrance, which is in itself part of a strategy aimed at isolating the whole exhibition from the rest of the museum’s more sunlit rooms with its long flight of descending block-like stairs. Passing the massive profi les of De Ribes’s strikingly angular face, which was often shielded by some sort of half-veil or piece of tool and highlighted by chignon bun, as well as videos of her at work streaming quietly and continuously and blending in with the murmur of people walking past, I wondered what could make someone who designed such clothing so much more interesting to people today than her actual designs.

As an aristocrat born in 1920s France and later married at a young age to a Vicomte, Jacqueline’s struggle to become a designer was less economic and more personal, since her new family did not support her career. Even still, she began designing for ballets, theatre productions and her own society events, which were perhaps the best place for her to advertise her creations. Coco Chanel, despite having been raised in an orphanage, which was also where she learned to sew, likewise got her start designing for high-society women for whom she made custom hats in early 20th century Paris. She was only later able to expand her product base into other garments and perfumes. Karl Lagerfeld, who started a bit later and remains an active and present fi gure on red carpets today, was born into a wealthy though not aristocratic family who allowed him to move at a young age to Paris to pursue design. There he entered design competitions and soon began to work under more established designers like Balmain. He now works with several brands including his own and Chanel.

Designers of the early 20th century are known so well today because they supported their businesses through their own unique personas as much as they did through their actual designs. When clothes were very often still handmade in the average household, the lives and identities of the designers of such upscale clothing were inextricably linked to the image of their own company.

The wearing of mass-produced (or ready-towear) clothing items is still a relatively recent phenomenon, fuelled by the growth of the textile industry in the later nineteenth century as well as the adoption of assembly-line practices from the auto industry. Although some ready-to wear items were developed in the early- to mid-1800s, such options didn’t become popular until factory-made fabric became more readily available.

I even recall photos of my own parents in garments handmade by both of my grandmothers up until the late 1960s (all of which tended to look something like the curtainsturned-play clothes from The Sound of Music to the chagrin of my parents’ 12-year-old selves).

In the fashion world today there are still success stories to be found of fashion designers making miraculous entries into the world of design from more humble beginnings, perhaps most visibly those of designers who have entered televised competitions such as Project Runway.

Yet large corporations still supply a huge portion of the clothing that we wear. While some of these corporations claim to have sustainable and humanitarian business practices, others continue to be successful whilst running their businesses through slave-labour and underpaid workers. People often cite the cheaper cost of mass-produced goods as the main reason why they continue to buy from such companies, and of course, those people shouldn’t be blamed for taking the most economical route available to them.

Still, if some people have begun in recent years to swap out mass-produced foods for organic and sustainably-sourced products, wouldn’t it also be worth a try to do the same with our clothing? Where nudism, which I suppose would be the vegetarianism of clothing, is not yet widely socially acceptable or even practical in the colder months, we need a solution that goes beyond boycotting certain companies.

While for the immediate future it may seem more economically practical for a person to buy clothes from the cheapest seller, if more and more people began to buy their clothes from local seamstresses and designers, the demand for these items would grow and the descriptors ‘bespoke’ or ‘handmade’ would no longer have the social cachet that it has today. While for now ‘bespoke’ has begun to connote something nearly on par with designer labels, it could soon come to connote something more personal and responsibly sourced for all of us.

Though I could never pretend to be a specialist in the economics of the fashion industry, it is an interesting idea to consider that we could all be dressing a lot more uniquely, a lot more personally and a lot more conscientiously if we took a page out of our past.

Along with the advent of greater amounts of leisure time for the middle classes came the desire for more, and more varied, kinds of clothing that could be made in less time and for less money. This desire drove onward the consumption of mass-produced goods to the point where we now have lost touch with where our clothing comes from and the people that design and put it together.

Unlike in the era of De Ribes, the most successful design companies today are those at which the designers seem the most disconnected from what we see in the stores, with many of the largest fashion houses having been taken over by figures other than their founders and practically all labour taken from abroad. The upstart designers of the past can now be mythologized simply because we cannot relate any longer to the personal relationships that they had with the clothes they made and the people who wore them.

Still, the fashion industry is not without hope in this regard, and online shopping centres such as Etsy and Handmade at Amazon encourage people to buy one-of-a-kind items from individual sellers in a format that is convenient, thoroughly modern and, more importantly, cheap. I, for one, will try to make the switch

Culture Corner: The English country house

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“The cup of tea on arrival at a country house is a thing which, as a rule, I particularly enjoy. I like the crackling logs, the shaded lights, the scent of buttered toast, the general atmosphere of leisured cosiness.” — P.G. Wodehouse

It seems that almost wherever you go in literature, the long shadow of the English country house is always with us. “An Englishman’s house is his castle,” the saying goes, and we just can’t seem to escape these old Edwardian haunts – whether it’s in Waugh’s Bridshead Revisited, Ishiguru’s Remains of the Day or Wodehouse’s adventures of Jeeves & Wooster, the stately home is always lurking smartly in the background, a constant background to long summer evenings on the lawns or high tea in the dressing room. And that’s not to mention its more recent resurgence in programmes such as Downton Abbey and our obsession with and romanticisation of the upstairs-downstairs life.

These places seem to be imbued with some sort of mysticism that we just can’t let go of. The country house way of life died out in the 1920s, after many heirs to these homes and the servants that kept them running died in the Great War. By the 1930s they had become an anachronism, and by the 1970s they were veritable fossils. So why do they mean so much more to us, and why do they keep recurring in our collective memory?

The answer, perhaps, is the wonderful prism they give through which we can explore other worlds. With Wodehouse we can revel in the glorious farce and decadence of the era; with Ishiguru we shudder at the dark secrets they contain; in Brontë’s Wuthering Heights, the country house even becomes one of the main characters in the novel. The English country house in literature is ambiguous and varied – and it’s here to stay.

Rewind: Radiohead’s ‘Street Spirit (Fade Out)’

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On this very day in 1995, Radiohead released their ninth single: ‘Street Spirit (Fade Out)’, which in March was to feature in their second studio album The Bends. ‘Street Spirit (Fade Out)’ is, ultimately, a really fucking good song.

Through my misfortune of existing only as a nearly fully developed foetus at the point of its release, I’ve only ever known ‘Street Spirit’ within the context of The Bends. The song literally fades out the album, all within a meta-structure as Yorke sings “fade out.” There is something infinitely hopeless about ‘Street Spirit,’ something irreconcilably melancholic. The guitar swells with the melancholy which Yorke piercingly narrates. The lyrics are fragmented, presenting frames of misery rather than a story arc. We are facing melancholy in its purest and irreparable form.

Yorke describes ‘Street Spirit’ as “drain[ing]” and “shak[ing]” him each time he plays it. ‘Street Spirit’ is not pretty, it’s not optimistic. It narrates the unintelligible ineffable feeling that everyone on occasion is struck by – that one day we will disappear, and cease to have any significance. If we ever had any to begin with. We remain oblivious to so much that one day we will have to “swallow whole” – one day we will face all the tragedy and pain that we are desensitised and oblivious to. Much like Yorke suppresses the emotion that ‘Street Spirit’ connotes in order to be able to perform without “cracking”, this is the way in which we conceivably exist. There is no lift in the song, arpeggios build up, play through, and fade out once more. There is no glimmer or release.

Yorke was disturbed at the live reaction to ‘Street Spirit,’ unnerved by the cheers and smiles of the audience. It is certainly not a song that makes you smile, but in artistically depicting something that feels so unpennable, Radiohead have created something hauntingly astute. It doesn’t misfire in its indulgence, it is far from the tepid whinery that ‘sad songs’ are often connected to. There is something mesmerising in melancholia when illustrated well. And Radiohead have done exactly that.

Huey Morgan: it’s all for the fans

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I talk to Huey Morgan in mid-December. He is at home in Somerset; his wife has just gone to pick up his sons from school; and he tells me he’s looking forward to Christmas. It’s almost hard to imagine that this chatty down-to-earth bloke is soon to embark on a world tour as part of the Fun Lovin’ Criminals, as the band celebrates the 20th anniversary of their ground-breaking debut Come Find Yourself with tours and re-issues galore.

Morgan is excited about the tour (which comes to Oxford’s O2 Academy on 11th February), but from the outset it is clear that he sees it not as a business venture, but as a “thank you” to fans who have been there since the release of the self-produced rock/hip-hop/ jazz/funk record that came out of urban New York in 1996. He thinks an anniversary tour is “kinda cool” and “humbling in a real way”, enforcing the idea that it was thousands of fans who grouped together to ask the band for a re-issue.

It is clear that Morgan feels he owes so much to the audiences he has played to over the years, though he’d rather say that he plays “for” the fans, saying “the audience are the most important part of the equation – we play for them, not ‘at’ them or ‘to’ them – it’s been the same for 20 years.”

And much has changed since 1996. The original line-up included Huey Morgan on vocals and guitar, multi-instrumentalist Brian Leiser on bass and keys amongst other things, and Steve Borgovini on drums. This time around, the Come Find Yourself 20th anniversary tour – which includes dates up and down the country and in Europe – will see current Fun Lovin’ Criminal Frank Benbini take to the kit instead of Borgovini.

The album was bold at the time of release; Morgan does not shy away from basking in this glory, telling me how it changed people’s perspectives, with that kaleidoscope mishmash of genres, the punk-rock aggression and politicised lyrics reverberating around an urban population. Reading about Morgan, every writer seems keen to make the point that he really is a Fun Lovin’ Criminal, infamously having had the choice to serve time in prison or join the US Marines after thieving and drug-related crimes in his youth. Of course he chose the Marines. Another article describes his nonchalance at lighting a cigarette in a London bar during an interview in 2012. Morgan is evidently a bold character.

But this was not an expected success. As he is keen to reiterate, at the time they were just young guys who had big ideas they wanted to put onto a record. This brute youth is evident on the album. Even 20 years on, the ferocity of Come Find Yourself’s sound will be at the forefront of the gigs, as Morgan tells me the songs will be played in full, in order, before an interval, and a second half of the “other songs everyone will want to hear” – which sounds like any fan’s dream. And, as Morgan says himself, “10 million people can’t be wrong”

Oxford Students to protest proposed housing cuts

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A C+ Investigations survey has found that over 85 per cent of Oxford students polled oppose proposed cuts to housing support services by Oxfordshire County Council. The cuts could represent as much as 65 per cent of the budget, and will be discussed by the council on January 26th. Various Oxford based groups plan on holding a protest outside the County Hall on that day.

The proposed measure could reduce Housing Related Support by £1.5m from 2017, on top of a 38 per cent cut in 2014. Oxford Homeless Pathways, a major provider of Housing Related Support in Oxford, has indicated that the cuts would lead to the closure of O’Hanlon House in Luther Street and Simon House in Paradise Street. In general, Housing Related Support funds services which help people to remain in their homes when problems arise. It also provides accommodation-based services such as hostel beds and specialist support for people taking their first steps out of homelessness.  

Lesley Dewhurst, Chief Executive of Oxford Homeless Pathways, claimed that the proposed cuts would hit the most vulnerable hardest, telling Cherwell, “The people who use these services are among the most vulnerable people in our society – those with severe and enduring mental health problems, addiction issues, physical health problems, young and old. Any loss of preventative and resettlement support, or beds and specialist support in hostels, will have disastrous effects.”
 
Clare Ellis, who recently moved out of homelessness with the help of Oxford Homeless Pathways’ provision, said, “I can’t imagine how my family would have survived without the support of the homeless organisations. If these cuts go ahead, our prisons, streets and hospitals will be pushed to breaking point. What does this say about our humanity?”
 
The C+ Investigations team has found that issues of the humanity of the cuts have inspired a number of students to join the protests planned for Tuesday. In particular, the Chair of OUSU’s On Your Doorstep campaign, Jacob Vivian, has expressed to Cherwell about his concern about the direction of the potential spending decisions. Jacob asked, “Whatever good, financially-plausible, and ‘sensible’ reasons there are for making cuts, should we sit back while the disenfranchised in our society, the homeless, have their lifelines taken away from them?”

Amidst growing unease about the County Council cuts, Labour City Councillor Mike Rowley has stated, “We’re now in a situation where the rough sleeper count, a snapshot of how many people are sleeping in the open on a particular night, has gone up by 50 per cent in a year, from 26 to 39. I’m deeply concerned that the Government’s various benefit and funding cuts are increasing the problem, while leaving local Councils without the resources we need to deal with it.”

Speaking out against criticism, County Council spokesman Chris Birdsall noted that cutting the Housing Related Support budget was one option out of over 90 covering all areas of funding. He added, “It is not a final decision. It is not yet even a proposal – it’s an option. Housing Related Support is not a legal requirement for the county council. Providing social care for those with assessed care needs is a legal requirement. Our focus has to be on providing services that we are legally obliged to provide.”

As debate continues, C+ has investigated the voluntary services to a degree dependent on Oxford University student participation, which may witness the effects of these planned changes on the homeless population.

On the same day as the measures are due to be discussed, On Your Doorstep will be taking part in a protest outside the County Hall at 1pm. On the event’s Facebook page, it says, “This will be a PEACEFUL rally. We want to come together not to cause trouble, but to stand together as a united front and to impress upon the County Council that endless budget cuts in Oxfordshire are unreasonable and are putting vital services and vulnerable people at risk.”

A petition is being promoted online.

Clickbait: The 10 people you meet in lectures

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Everyone knows the lecture theatre holds a merry cast of characters, but have you ever taken the time to make a detailed list? Here is just a small glimpse at some people you may have run into in your 9ams.

1: The Keen Bean

No matter what time you walk into the lecture theatre, they’re always there before you. Usually sitting in the front row, and if not in the front row, then in a puddle of their own tears in the second row. When the lecturer walks in, their heads whip round like something from the Exorcist with a rictus grin across their face. Maintaining not-creepy-at-all eye-contact with the lecturer for almost the entire duration of the lecture, they’re ready to learn and have fun while they do it. Dear Keen Bean, we admire your enthusiasm, we wonder where it came from, and we beg that you tone it down a bit. You’re making the rest of us look even worse than we feel during a 9am.

2: The Obsessive Note-Taker.

As the lecturer drones on, you can hear a low hum to your left somewhere. Has a bee buzzed into the theatre? Is a visiting student humming ‘Star Spangled Banner’ again? Not quite. What you can hear is the sound of layers and layers of graphite being eroded away by friction or the whirr of a ball-point pen as the obsessive note-taker threatens to break their own wrist as they attempt to copy down everything in the lecture word for word. After an hour of non-stop writing, they unhook their mangled hand from their choice of writing implement and breathe a sigh of accomplishment. You can see the pain in their eyes, they’re nearly crying, but they love it. Dear Obsessive Note-Taker, you’re a freakish masochist but we keep you around because we obviously didn’t pick up a pen during the hour at all.

3: The One lusting after a hot lecturer.

You can hear them panting from 5 rows away. They haven’t stopped writing in their notebook and you’re pretty sure that rather than a transcript of the lecture, it’s an erotic short story entailing just what would happen between the Lecturer-Lover and the hot professor in a one-on-one tutorial. Their eyes are fixed on the podium, but they’ve glazed over and you know that they’re mentally undressing the lecturer as you hastily try and work out exactly what the lecture itself is about. It’s actually quite uncomfortable sitting near them. The theatre is filled with pheromones and there’s no escape until after an hour. Dear Lecturer-Lover, you have virtually no redeeming qualities and you make us all uncomfortable. Enough said.

4. The One lusting after a lecturer who is NOT hot.

Possibly worse than the previous offender. No one understands what is going on in your head. The lecture is clearly past 50, getting close to severely overweight, and no matter how ‘interesting’ their bone structure is, they’ll never be attractive. Are you attracted to power? Is that it? If so, I can point out several more suitable candidates such as Barack Obama, Angela Merkel. Maybe even Boris Johnson. But the person giving a lecture about the history of Jane Austen is not powerful or attractive. You’re clearly a bit deluded and you make us all uncomfortable. Stop what you’re doing at once. We will give you real, human currency.

5. The One who doesn’t sleep. 

They trudge in. They grunt at someone they recognize. They sit down at the back. They take out their notebook, fashion a small pillow out of it and lay down their heads for the rest of the lecture. Oh how we envy you. If only you knew how tired the rest of us are, but the rest of us are too easily manipulated by social conventions and fear of being intellectually sub-par. You look so at peace, wrapped so deeply in your hoodie that you don’t seem to be aware of the presence of evil in our world, but you’re only postponing the inevitable. Dear Mr. Sleeper, we’re all deeply jealous of you and we wish we had your confidence. The only thing of yours we don’t want is that bed-head. Yikes!

6. The Couple. 

They are practically one person. They’re holding hands on the way in. They’re holding hands on the way out. Hell, they’re probably holding hands all the way through the lecture. They’re always whispering to each other, giggling with each other, and nuzzling each other. You’re pretty sure you’ve seen them kiss in the middle of the lecture hall once. At some point during the hour, one of them will lean their head on the shoulder of the other. God, that looks nice. We wish we all had that. But chances are, we’re probably sitting next to the next person on the list. Dear Couple, you irritate us because you seem so perfect. Please stop at once. We can only take so much at this hour of the morning.

7. The Ill Person.

What did the lecturer just say? It’s getting hard to tell. Most of his sentences now are punctuated by a spell of staccato coughs and sneezes and he never talked very loudly before Ill Person became ill anyway. In the middle of an important fact, they’ll hawk a gobbet of mucus back into their diseased throats. They’ll wipe their rapidly running noses on the back of their sleeve with blissful abandon while you try to keep your breakfast down. If we’re sitting next to you, we know it’s only a matter of time before you infect us. Like the spread of a zombie plague, in a matter of days the whole lecture theatre will be filled with a tumbling crowd of Ill People. Dear Ill Person, we wish you’d stayed at home. Now all of us are at risk, doomed to become the social pariah that you are. Thanks a lot.

8. The One that you’re lusting after. 

You definitely haven’t been waiting outside the lecture theatre for half an hour and going in just after they went in to make sure that you get a seat next to them. It was just a coincidence that you arrived unusually early and had the thought to go in just as they arrived. Meaningless noise spews from the mouth of the lecturer as you  strain your body so that they only see you from the one angle where your head doesn’t look like an egg with a face drawn on it. You correct your posture every few minutes. You keep pushing your hair around on your head to make sure it looks nice. You sigh every so often just to let them know that you’re not fully content in life and that you’d be happier with a casual lover. Except they never notice. Never. And you’re not sure how much longer it’ll be before you throw yourself at their feet crying and whispering ‘Love me’ into their perfect ears. We’ve all been there.

9. The One who doesn’t wash.

At first, you recognized them by their features. Now, you recognize them by their pungent and unpleasant odour. When you first smelt them from along the row, you thought they must have had a bad night and not had time to shower when they woke up. But on the umpteenth time, you start to become suspicious. As you look fearfully at them and vow only to breathe through your mouth for the rest of your life, you wonder whether you should bring it up or let them live in blissful ignorance. Not everyone can smell as great as you do, y’know.

10. The One who spoke to you once and now thinks that you’re friends.

Perhaps they asked you the time once. Or maybe they just wanted to look at the handout. Whatever serendipitous occasion first introduced you to them, the end result is always the same. They won’t bloody leave you alone. They always make a beeline for you in the theatre, excited at the prospect of making friends from other colleges. By contrast, you couldn’t care less about them. You’d sell them to Satan for a Tesco meal deal. But for some unnerving reason, they think that they have a special bond with you and you just don’t know what you did to deserve them. I’d try and say something reassuring, but really you’re stuck with them for life. Sorry. Have fun with that.