Friday 10th April 2026
Blog Page 1173

All spectacle, no substance

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Quentin Tarantino’s latest film, The Hateful Eight, begins with a slow succession of images: snow-capped mountains, seemingly endless forests, and crisp winter light breaking through foreboding clouds. After the title is emblazoned across the screen, we cut to a close-up shot of a crucifix which slowly – or rather, painstakingly – zooms out to reveal a horse-drawn carriage gently plodding through the snow. 

This opening sets the pace for much of the rest of the film, and thereby highlights the main problem with it: it is far too drawn-out. The running-time of almost three hours is not a problem in itself, especially with Tarantino’s decision to include an interval halfway through to assist the audience in regenerating their attention spans. What makes it problematic is that for much of the first half we are led on a sluggish, surprisingly tangential journey, first through the snow in the carriage, and then inside and around Minnie’s Haberdashery (which serves as the setting for the rest of the film’s action, barring some flashback scenes). I imagine Tarantino intends for this overly naturalistic pacing to serve as a way of immersing us into the world he has created, so that he can then slowly build tension until it culminates with the first spilling of blood just before the curtain falls on the first act. 

There are two issues with this decision. First, we never fully accept that the world in which we are being immersed is naturalistic in composition. Tarantino’s films hold a not unfair reputation for being over-stylised, post-modern tales with intricately woven plots. Thus, knowing that you are sitting in a Tarantino film produces a set of expectations that the director himself, for all his scene-setting and pacing, cannot shake. It certainly does not help that he insists on brazenly introducing the film as ‘the 8th film by Quentin Tarantino’ in the opening credits, but even without this attempt at cleverness I doubt many will believe that tension (and bloodshed) will not make a starring appearance, even if such an appearance is delayed and slow-building. The second issue is that the script’s first half is slack and loose – there is a fine line between intrigue and boredom, and Tarantino fails to place the first half of the film on the desired side of it. 

It is a shame, because the characters themselves are all varied, all interesting, and given a more tightly-wound plot would produce a fascinating and thoroughly exciting set-up. We know Tarantino is perfectly capable of creating a scene which holds the audience’s attention in its building of tension, not least in the flawlessly executed milk scene from Inglorious Basterds. It is thus sad to see him miss the mark so flagrantly here. 

Some may take issue, as they do with many of Tarantino’s films, with the depravity of every single major character in the film. Those who do are likely members of the tribe of cinema-goers who affirm Jackie Brown, with its clear protagonist, to be Tarantino’s best work. This is of course a matter of taste, but there is certainly no hero to this story. For a while, we are offered it in the form of Samuel L. Jackson’s Major Marquis, but such a notion is destroyed spectacularly when he takes on the mantel of storyteller, in a proudly shocking retelling of the torturing and sexual assault of a man at his hands. Whilst Jackson continues to provide most of the film’s laughs, he stops being our hero. The film’s conclusion situates Walton Goggins’s Sheriff Mannix as the closest thing to a hero that we get, both in his victory over the Domingray gang members and the seeming reformation of his racist disposition. But Mannix is a comically caricatured, rather meagre hero, and in any case such a title is applied to him too late in the film for audiences to have much time to appreciate him as such. 

But the lack of a clear hero should not be regarded as a fault. Instead of giving us a character whose side we can back, Tarantino presents a grotesquely comical spectacle of blood, brains, and balls. In this way, the film’s second half can be seen as a modern cinematic updating of the Jacobean revenge tragedy genre. It is ironic, then, that the pacing of the film’s first half would be better suited to the stage. (Interestingly, even Tarantino himself seems to understand, implicitly at least, that his story takes the wrong medium, for he splits the film up into ‘Chapters’.)

Stylistically, the film is far less overblown than what we have come to expect from Tarantino. Costumes are historically accurate and largely lacking in quirkiness, and Robert Richardson’s cinematography does well to both portray the bitter cold of the natural world outside and contrive a claustrophobic stage within Minnie’s interior. The prevalence in the film’s final chapter of split diopter shots in many ways reflects the complete breaking down of any pretence of naturalism, in their Tarantinoan proclamation of artificiality. The jarring marker of the beginning of this move towards artificiality comes at the very start of the second act, when Tarantino himself provides a voice-over narration of what the characters have done in the fifteen minutes of the interval, before going on to pause the scene, rewind the tape, and rewrite the narrative to include a plot point that will dictate the course of the rest of the movie. Such a bold opening to the film’s second half is jarring in the best way, as it immediately alleviates the film of its naturalistic heaviness and imbues it with a postmodern playfulness. Tarantino finally produces some spectacle. 

Yet spectacle is by its nature often hollow and one-dimensional. In a film where no one gets what they want, it is hard for one to grasp hold of any point other than the repeated exhibition of entertaining gruesomeness which so permeate the film’s latter scenes. Ending the film with the final reveal of the content of Marquis’s forged letter (something which has been referred to throughout) thus seems fitting, for the letter, like the film, is significant only insofar as it is an exercise in hollowness.

The Commentary Box: HT16 1st Week

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I’m sure that after the exciting victory in the Varsity Match at Twickenham last December (a record-breaking number of consecutive victories for the game) everyone is looking forward to continued competition in the New Year. Fortunately, the sporting season is far from over, with a great number of fantastic fixtures in the near future.

The men’s rugby union team will be playing again on the 27th of January, this time facing the RAF first team, and will be looking to continue their winning streak. After facing an 0dds-favourited Cambridge squad, the team should be enormously proud of their historic achievement and obviously have a fantastic season ahead of them.

Oxford’s rugby league team also has a season well underway, with the next fixture also taking place on the 27th of January, versus Cardiff, shortly followed on the 30th by the highly anticipated annual “Town vs. Gown” match. The team have posted an outstanding season record of 9-3, and look to continue their strong offensive drives in the coming months.

Outside of the rugby world, sports teams at Oxford have remained competitive in the off season, continuing training for other early Hilary matches. The men’s ice hockey team begins competing on the 24th of January, and will play Cambridge twice in the upcoming months, with the final Varsity matchup occurring in March.

Swimming’s Varsity match will occur in late February, following a training camp that just concluded in Spain; in addition, the BUCS Long Course Championship held later in the winter season, competing against multiple other universities for the chance to take home the ultimate trophy for swimming.

Hilary term promises a most competitive winter season, and we’re all looking forward to supporting our teams on the field, on the ice, and in the pool. See you then!

Ain’t that just like him? A tribute to David Bowie

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 “Something happened on the day he died

Spirit rose a metre and stepped aside”

Ziggy Stardust, The Thin White Duke, Aladdin Sane and his other inventions had all stopped living years ago, but no one expected David Bowie himself to die so suddenly. Two days after his last album Blackstar was released, he passed away in his hidden fight against cancer.

“He trod on sacred land he cried loud into the crowd”

Almost thirty albums, countless successful tours with exceptional sets, and ongoing musical experiments have made him an admired artist in Europe as well as on the other side of the Atlantic. But what fascinates me most is his capacity for renewal. Every new creation revealed another aspect of his impressively diverse abilities: he marked the world of pop with his hit ‘Let’s Dance’, played with the conventions of rock music in ‘Looking for water’ and dazzled the whole world with his innovative and powerful voice in songs like ‘Life on Mars?’.

“’I’m a blackstar, I’m a blackstar.’”

The androgynous boy who started out in London as David Jones has left the music world with an immense legacy, two generations of fans attached to his songs, and a set of questions. It seems just too perfect for someone who liked to create characters for himself to die at such an exciting point in his career. If The Next Day didn’t ask much deciphering of the listener, the meanings of the tracks from Bowie’s last album, Blackstar, will remain obscure. While we try guessing what exactly “the villa of Ormen” represents, listening to his timeless creations is the best we can really do – and perhaps that is how he meant it to be.

 

Here is the team’s short and arbitrary selection of David Bowie’s most known and appreciated works

 ‘Life on Mars?’, Hunky Dory (1971)

‘Rock’n’Roll Suicide’, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972)

‘The Jean Genie’, Aladdin Sane (1973)

‘Station to Station’, Station to Station (1976)

‘Warszawa’, Low (1977)

‘Ashes to Ashes’, Scary Monsters (1980)

‘Space Oddity’, Love You Till Tuesday (1984)

 ‘I’d Rather Be High’, The Next Day (2013)

An interview with Michel Roux Jr.

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There are very few people who can say cooking is more in their blood than Michel Roux Jr. His mother went in to labour while cooking in the family restaurant, and most of his earliest childhood memories are based in the kitchen. Partly due to the fact that the family couldn’t afford a nanny, but partly because this was always where Roux was destined to end up. When asked whether he was always going to be a chef, Roux simply replies, “I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.” After speaking to students at the Oxford Union last Friday he went straight back to La Gavroche, his two-Michelin-Star restaurant, in time to work the evening shift. He likes to be very closely involved with the running of the restaurant, he tells me, and still genuinely enjoys cooking and hosting more than anything else. Endearingly, Roux still gets butterflies before every lunchtime and evening service begins.

For him, and for the entire Roux dynasty, running La Gavroche is far more than just a job. Set up in the sixties by Albert Roux (Michel Roux Jr.’s father) and his younger brother Michel Roux Sr., La Gavroche was famously the first British restaurant to be awarded three Michelin stars.

In 1992, two years after Roux took over the mantle of maintaining La Gavroche, the restaurant was demoted from three to two stars. When asked about this, Roux jokily replies, “You try getting two Michelin stars!” Like many restaurateurs, he is sceptical about society’s modern obsession with collecting Michelin stars, and realises there are problems with “chasing accolades”, encouraging people to forget it. “The Michelin Guide is not the be all and end all. Cook from the heart and cook for the customers. Happy and loyal customers are the most important thing.”

Outside the world of La Gavroche, Roux has carved his own career as a television personality, a little hypocritical considering he publicly resents the title and the concept of a ‘celebrity chef’. Although appearing on Masterchef, Roux left the BBC after a rift with their editorial policy, and believes that their system stifles and limits contributors to have outside financial interests. “This is why Jamie Oliver left as well”, he says, “and the BBC are losing a huge talent pool.”

Roux takes his profession seriously, and is a passionate believer that he has a social responsibility. He wants to use his profile to open doors, and is clearly in support of trying to unearth new talent as seen in his continuation of the Roux Scholarship for up-and-coming chefs. Taking the form of a competition, the winner gets a work placement and the Roux family acting as mentors throughout their careers. When founded, it was radical and unheard of for a British chef to feature in a three Michelin starred kitchen in France apparently due to the old stereotype that British people can’t cook; “The French are arrogant about their food and Parisians are stuck-up”, Roux agrees. It was significant in establishing a culture of homegrown culinary excellence in Britain. The whole Roux family adjudicate, and Michel Roux is keen to point out that he and his family are “excellent calibre judges,” making the right choice nine times out of ten.

Roux is famous for his unwillingness to compromise on the standard of food. When asked if there is ever a valid excuse for a ready meal, he simply replies, “No. For me, an egg is fast food.” Roux firmly believes that the pleasure of cooking from scratch outweighs any arguments that it may be more expensive. He hates processed supermarket bread, “cotton wool loaves” as he calls them, and believes that we should buy less meat at higher prices, describing the mouthwatering smell of good-quality chicken browning in the oven with such obvious delight that even the most frugal student would feel compelled to fork out the extra couple of pounds.

Roux had to earn La Gavroche, and believes it is important not to have a legacy handed to you on a plate. He tells me that he worked extremely hard for a long time, paid money for it, and had to prove himself to his father many times before he finally handed over his life’s achievement to his son.

His daughter Emily, now 24, is an aspiring chef, and it is evident that Michel Roux is immensely proud of her. When I ask about her taking over La Gavroche at some point, he says fondly that if someone had asked him when he was 24 (which in fact they did several times) to come and work in the family business he would have said he didn’t want anything to do with it. Eventually, however, he came round, and he hopes she’ll do the same one day. If Roux could tell his 24-year-old self one piece of advice, he tells me it would be to “walk before you can run.” He doesn’t elaborate, but these words of wisdom ring true in Oxford

The Cherwell Encyclical: opportunities of the new year

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Knighthoods to be renamed “Dave’s gold stars”, for services to the conservative empire.

Blog to be renamed ‘homage to Dave’ in attempt at CBE.

Do not be surprised if these headlines appear some time soon. This new year offers the perfect opportunity for us all to up our game and start garnering knighthoods. And luckily, the most recent New Year’s honours list has proved that all you really have to do is get into David Cameron’s good books. I am personally vouching on developing a translator app that allows the PM to say what he is actually thinking; something which he seems to struggle with intensely. His actions always seem to differ from his rhetoric, but then perhaps if we want to know the motives behind his actions we should ask George Osborne.

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Another thing many of us have on our minds is getting back into shape after Christmas. For me, this means trying my very best to improve my mental health by ridding myself of all knowledge of the various anti-science ‘detox’ programmes people will be paying for this month. May people one day be blessed with the understanding that they do nothing. With all the money we could save not buying our ‘detox seaweed tablets’ we could pool together and donate enough money to the Conservative party’s ‘buy-a-knighthood’ scheme. If that is not the essence of the ‘big society’, I don’t know what is.

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My final big plan this year is to get a written armistice with my Scout: I will stop reporting her if she stops stealing my roasting tins. I am not sure how well this one will go down, but I am hoping the Christmas period has given her time to forget about how much she hates me. I also hope that she is using the new dartboard I gave her, instead of the old one she had, on which she had glued a picture of my face. The world is a complex place and all the spare time I have had this holiday to read the news has only made me more confused about everything. I am hoping that this blog can remind us all (referring to my dog and I, the only people who actually read the Cherwell) not to get too bogged down in life.

Street Style: HT16 0th week

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Ellen

Kelvin, waiting at Lewisham Station, London

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“I’m a student and model. I’m on my way to a casting now. I study music and computing.

“So this hoodie – I made it myself. I picked out the colour and made the logo and sewed it on myself. These jeans are from H&M – off-white jeans – stretch, slim. I like them. Then mint reeboks which match the mint hoodie. I actually got them from Ebay for like £20 – a bit of a bargain. This jacket is a Japanese ski jacket. I can’t remember where I got it from. I think it was a present or something. It’s hard to find.

“I would say I really like colours. That’s most important to me in my style. Not necessarily always – but today it’s flashy colours – it’s more that I like to match colours together.”

 

Ellie (left) and Imi (right), walking down Charing Cross Road, London

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“We’re students – from just outside London.”

What are you studying and where?

Ellie: “Fine art and history of art.”

Imi: “Economics – and we’re both at Leeds.”

Imi: “My shoes are Nike.”

Ellie: “So are mine.”

Imi: “They’re actually fake, from Morocco. They were like £12 which is quite good because they’re normally like £80. My leggings are from American Apparel. My sweatshirt is from Ebay. And the jacket is North Face.”

Ellie: “I think the dungarees are Asos. My jumper is actually Sainsbury’s. And the jacket is vintage … I don’t really know. Don’t know if you can see in the photo but my bag is from a random shop in Barcelona.”

 

Jake, walking through Leicester Square, London 

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“I’m a dancer. I trained at a professional dance school and graduated almost two years ago now. I’m just working in dance and stuff – travelling with it. I’m based in London, but if a job comes up … like I went to Italy last year to dance so was over there for five weeks, I think it was, in Milan, which was great.

“Typical black jeans – I just shove these on – from Topman, I believe. Standard Topman. And I’ve got Doc Marten boots on. A plain white t-shirt from maybe like Primark and another one underneath to get the layered look going on. And a Kooples jacket which I just bought.”

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Tom

Alex, smoking outside Catz library

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“I’m taking a break from work – I’m working through a decanter of wine whilst working which I bought when I was in Paris. It’s really cheap and really good, only four euros.

Who are your influences?

“I grew up a big fan of Alexander McQueen, so I suppose he is an influence. The boots are Timberland, Rehnsen jeans, a Zara jacket. I don’t know about the sweatshirt or scarf – they’re from thrift shops, as is the watch.

“I wear black to reflect my lungs.”

Sarah, waiting in the lodge

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“These are literally just my everyday clothes… the jeans are ASOS, my trainers are Nike.”

What about the coat?

“Oh, it’s from Gloucester Green market.”

Are you waiting for something?

“My Ocado delivery. I think that that’s the guy there outside, actually, but he’s not due until five so I have just enough time to be in this!”

Clickbait: You won’t believe what Life is introducing…

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New Year, new Cherwell blogs, a new term and in a way, an entirely new me. I’m new to the position of co-editor of Life, and let me tell you it is very reassuring not having to do this alone. Together, I and my trusty co-ed Lael will pull the pages of the Lifestyle section together, almost out of thin air to the eyes of our readers, and leave the competition reeling by the wayside. Am I being too dramatic? Maybe. But when we’re talking about Life, you either take it as far as you can or you don’t even bother showing up.

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When you think about it, all the best things come in pairs: Kim and Kanye, Will and Kate, Eric and Ernie. The age of the ‘Power Couple’ is now, people, and it’s about time that Oxford’s foremost weekly student newspaper capitalized on it. Like any good detective drama, the best results come from the best pairings. Luther and The Fall being the obvious exceptions, but I’d like to see any other actor fight for screen time with Idris Elba of Gillian Anderson. For mortals like us, forming a brilliant partnership is the only sure way of guaranteeing brilliant results and hopefully, when you take a look at the Life section of the Cherwell this term you’ll see that this editorial symbiosis yields some really great stuff. I may have misspoken earlier; it may be a new year, but it’s not just me.

Over the Christmas Vac, we’ve been preparing for the release of this term’s first edition and all the build-up has made us pretty excited. We’ve put our heads together and used our journalistic hive-mind to think up some new articles to wet your ravenous readerly appetites. Here’s a bit of what you can look forward to: 

Gascoyne’s Guidance will be hitting the press for the first time. We’ve been in communication with the nation’s top mediums and after countless séances and innumerable Ouija board sessions, we’ve found the perfect restless spirit to act as the Cherwell’s agony aunt. Lady Maud Gascoyne will be in residence to take your questions and reply from her own unique and eccentric point of view. Just over a century in the spirit realm hasn’t dulled this mistress of etiquette’s eye for culture and when called on for advice, she’ll be there to offer you her opinion on your particular struggles. If you want to have your questions answered by Lady M, please send an email to [email protected].

New column on the block, “I Need to get my Sh*t together”, will also part of the Cherwell this term for your pleasure. Have you sat awake in your college library at 3am trying to force out an essay that just isn’t happening with the dark circles under your eyes sinking further and further into your face while your health deteriorates to the point where the only certain cure is being locked inside a Perspex bubble with a sequence of Michael Bublé’s best-selling singles playing to soothe your work-shocked nerves? I know I have. If you’ve felt this way before, then hopefully reading this column will fill you with reparative Schadenfreude and let you know that at least someone else is worse off than you. Each week, one woeful Life writer will express to the world precisely why they need to get their shit together. Looking forward to it? I know I am.

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And all of your other favourite features will be back to warm your heart while you read your way through our pages. Divine Cum-edy or Creaming Spires or whatever alternative sexually provocative name we think of the night before we got to print is back to paint the town red with lipstick marks. John Evelyn returns with gossip hotter than Titanic-era Leo. And over the term we’ll be hitting you with a slew of other captivating and enthralling articles to thrill you when reading News just doesn’t do it for you anymore. Excited? I know I am.

Soundtrack review: Star Wars VII, The Force Awakens

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After a decade during which poorly animated children’s cartoons were the only place they were to be seen, the old light sabres and the Force itself are back in another thrilling visual experience, the seventh episode in the franchise. With this long-awaited return comes a mix of iconic tunes the fans expected to hear again, and new themes struggling to find their place aside titans such as “The Imperial March”.

Perhaps more than ever, the brass section is pushed to the centre of attention, replacing the over-used strings featured in equally famous soundtracks like Pirates of the Caribbean’s’ “He’s a Pirate”. With this emphasis on brass the amount of melodrama in the film is reduced, potentially in response to some criticisms of the prequels, and composer John Williams almost goes as far as mocking the emotional aspects of some scenes, especially when Finn reveals that he is not a resistant and begs Rey to follow him. Here the violins take over, playing a slow and touching melody backed by lower-pitched strings which are occasionally disrupted by a livelier flute. Instead of this more expansive and therefore exaggerated use of the orchestra, most of the soundtrack is based on the earthy sounds of the French horn, reminiscent of the original Jedi theme, and a trumpet that adds well-needed energy to the score. Since the main character, Rey, survives in the desert by reselling bits of metal from the carcasses of old imperial ships, the choice of brass instruments for the solo parts is subtly linked to the screenplay from the beginning, demonstrating a coherence which enables it to stop being simple mood music.

Just like the scenario works around a series of references to the previous films, the music is constructed on variations of a few main tunes that will sound familiar to the audience. This way, John Williams’ new tracks explicitly inscribe themselves as part of the franchise. Rey does not have her own theme yet, but elements of Luke’s are mixed in with the music associated to Jakku. Only in the very last scene is Luke’s air played in its entirety, quickly fading to the famous Jedi theme of the finale. Before that, a slower and more irregular rhythm lets us recognise only a few phrases at a time, mirroring Rey’s young and still hesitant character.

Despite a few allusions to Darth Vador’s story, the “Imperial March” is completely absent in this episode. Kylo Ren, who idolises his grandfather, is given a contrasting fast-paced theme that builds up to bursts of loud brass supported by strings and the occasional rolling percussion. Snoke, on the other hand, appears much less often but always accompanied by a choir similar to the one associated with the Siths in the prequel trilogy. The practically gargling voices sing a slow series of very low notes and are joined – again – by the brass to amplify the tension and mystery. This, of course, shows Kylo Ren as an unfinished villain that still needs to grow in order for him to fully represent the dark side, making him a less determined version of Anakin subordinated to a powerful master hiding in the shadows.

 

Although not as impressive and grandiose as in the previous episodes, partly due to how fragmented the score is, the soundtrack of The Force Awakens has its own moments like during the attack on Maz’ refuge. Instead of forming an additional reason for the audience to be dazed, it underlines the action and directs our focus so that we follow Finn, Rey, Captain Han Solo and the others’ evolution in their world at their pace. Less memorable overall, the soundtrack of this first part of a new trilogy remains promising.

Ray’s Chapter & Worse: -1st Week

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And so, with the beginning of the New Year, comes the hated New Year’s resolutions. Will I actually bother to get out of bed for morning lectures? Will I finally join the Triathlon team in time to be a blue next Michaelmas? Will I even make a resolution to keep all these resolutions? Well, lovely people of Oxford, my resolution was to get people reading more poetry. That’s you. (Yes, you. Please at least try to look interested). It didn’t matter whose poetry I spread, or how people came across it… I just wanted to spread some literary love. And so, out of this horribly ambitious altruistic piece of self-punishment, ‘Ray’s Chapter & Worse’ was born. A veritable breeding ground for all things poetic (or that I fancy writing about, anyway) – a space to talk about, read and even share poetry of all kinds to break up the monotony of the Oxford schedule. What with the average student’s busy schedule of working, crying quietly into pillows and not sleeping, a short, weekly burst of poetry is the best thing to break the day up and to take your mind off that nagging feeling that someone, somewhere, is working when you’re not. Each week I’ll post up a piece of poetry by an established or emerging poet, and try to create tenuous links between it and daily Oxford life. I’ll be taking suggestions for poems to look at, as well as your own submissions from any budding Oxford poets, and will post up one or two new poems each week: so please send your poetry in to us at ‘[email protected]’ for a chance of having it published on the world famous* (*if your world is Oxford) Cherwell Blogs’ website. Let’s be honest, it’s better than that lecture you told yourself you were going to go to.

 

Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis

By Wendy Cope

It was a dream I had last week

And some kind of record seemed vital.

I knew it wouldn’t be much of a poem

But I love the title.

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I’ve always loved Wendy Cope’s poetry – endlessly funny, sardonic, and often with a much darker edge, she never fails to entertain. Mastering the art of short, witty poetry is deceptively difficult – like a thunderclap, it has to announce itself, light up its surroundings with a flash, and then vanish again without a trace. ‘Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis’ is one of my favourites as it is such a brilliant anti-climax – it’s the title of her first poetry collection and yet is at the very end of the book. The build-up, which is then magnificently flattened within four short lines that seem almost jotted down as an afterthought, seem similar to my own New Year resolutions: lots of promises, then complete panic when Hilary hits. We can promise ourselves we’ll be the perfect model student, go to every single lecture, and avoid making passive aggressive essay comments in tutorials – but when it comes down to it, we just have to throw ourselves in, and try and stay afloat. So jump back into that maelstrom of 0th week, try and get most essays in on time, get drunk slightly too much- and send your work in to Ray’s Chapter & Worse ([email protected]) to be published on our salubrious website.

Tangled in our own web

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The beginning of the 21st century has been defined by the internet.  We all think we know how it has reshaped human life because we appreciate the apparent advances in communication and information it has brought.  But there is also a darker side to the story of the internet: a paradox of isolation in an increasingly connected world; a world in which the elimination of loneliness has come at the cost of our privacy and individuality, and has somehow left us feeling emptier than before.

‘Surfing the web’ never made any sense to me and is a terrible metaphor, because one cannot surf on a web.  The image of surfing is of great energy, freedom, elation and is a transient process.  Surfing is a fun, quick, simple and occasional activity.  To navigate a web you move between its nodes along their interconnecting lines like a fly along a spider’s web.  The spider weaves the web, adding new connections and nodes in time.  In reality though, we are all spiders travelling inside the web, creating and maintaining connections and nodes for each-other and ourselves.  It’s as if, almost as unconsciously as spiders, we are constructing some sort of global supra-human brain with servers for neurones and fibre optic cables for synapses.  Perhaps as in Isaac Asimov’s short story “The Last Question” our own minds will eventually become one with the internet and each other’s until we find ourselves as one unified consciousness.  This situation is far off, but if it’s possible, probably closer than we imagine, because technology improves exponentially and our brains intuitively predict linearly.  It may even be too far off to be relevant today, but I think this singularity of ultimate connectedness to the point of being one structure, the ultimate sacrifice of individuality and complete removal from familiar physical reality is the mutual destination humans and the internet are on course for.  Although whether we will reach a technology singularity or not is speculative, it is useful to bear this possibility in mind when looking for the effects of the internet on our lives today. 

Helpfully or malevolently, the internet is creeping closer and closer to our brains.  The first computers with access to the internet were in laboratories and offices, making them completely separate from Humans and difficult to access.  The internet then moved in with us at home, but was slow and frustrating and so was only used sparsely.  Broadband then drew us closer and we began to spend more and more time on it as more of us created information to feast on.  Wi-Fi and the laptop untethered the internet from the desk and allowed us to take it with us around our houses and between work and home – emails could be answered at work and then after dinner.  We spent even more time online.  Then came smart phones, fast mobile internet and free public Wi-Fi – the internet had now jumped from the kitchen table into our pocket and was carried in our clothing like a pet rat wherever we moved.  And like a pet, it demanded our attention more and more and even gained our love and affections as we found that scrolling through Facebook and news became almost as pacifying as stroking a pet, and was also unexpectedly addictive.  It’s now as if almost everyone has a pet in their pocket or handbag.  Out at restaurants or around the dinner table, large groups of people are distracted by their needy pets and tend to them unashamedly.  This inevitably disrupts and even blocks conversation between humans, but in reality we’re all petting the same animal.  In the last two years the internet has clambered out of our pockets and along our arms onto our wrists and up onto our faces and now looks us directly in the eye in the form of google glass and virtual reality goggles.  Contact lenses are the next step in augmented reality and if this progression continues then a direct skull implant awaits us.  If we think of how quickly the internet moved from a few offices around the world to directly in front of our eyes then how long will it take before it is literally part of our minds?  If we remember that even the rate of progress is increasing exponentially then it should be possible surprisingly soon.  Whether we actually desire such an intrusion is another question and this may be the most powerful limiting pressure.

It is hard to imagine a life so much lived in the internet which could also be fully lived in the spatial world around us.  I believe this splitting of our time and our lives between the two realities we inhabit is already a lifestyle issue today.  Internet addiction and internet-induced social anxiety are largely unrecognised, but real, and wherever we look, people are distracted and distanced from their immediate surroundings and people.  The more we live in the internet the less we live in reality.  For each of us, and society as a whole, a decision looms over which reality to choose.

Quite possibly I’m painting too gloomy a future.  The internet allows us instant access to a vast pool of knowledge and is perhaps the greatest expression of freedom of expression yet realised.  It undoubtedly makes research and communication quicker and easier, and provides opportunities we’d not have without it, even revolutions have been started by the medium governments struggle to stifle.  But perhaps this all comes at a cost.  For every nugget of truth there exists misinformation and sensationalism, conspiracy theories, raw bigotry, cyberbullying, pornography and immoral trading.  As soon as children learn to access the internet a nuclear chain reaction of unregulated and unending stimulation begins.  Getting what you want immediately is desired, but very unhealthy because dopamine is released in the brain too often and in too great a quantity.  We simply aren’t evolving as fast as the technology we create and our brains are already showing signs of being unable to healthily digest the fruits of the internet. 

The simultaneous rise of the internet and depression is probably not coincidental.  There is even a new segment of society in Japan known as Hikikomori; people who completely withdraw from outside life and social interaction, often living in computer games and socialising only with virtual girlfriends and boyfriends.  This shows that life can be almost completely lived in the internet today and this will only become easier in the future. 

I don’t think it’s just social recluses who are effected by absorption in the internet, however.  It may not be obvious what harm constant sharing of one’s life on social media can do to immediate enjoyment of it, but this is a habit which affects many ‘normal’ people.  The fact that many of us will take photographs of food before eating it deeply troubles me.  This is a statement.  We would rather disrupt the moment of anticipation when the waiter or waitress places a steaming dish of beautiful food; the aroma, the heat, the shine of the sauce and the careful presentation put before us as a temptation of imminent pleasure to take out a mobile phone and take several photographs and then share them on Facebook to people who are sitting bored at home and have nothing better to do than look at the food another human being they barely know is about to eat. If they would only put down their phone, pick up a fork and put it in their mouth; by which time the food has cooled, conversation has not been made with the waiter or the company at the restaurant and the gleeful moment portrayed in the photo has been completely disrupted by the uncouth use of a phone at the dinner table, leaving the company with a cold uneasy feeling of dissatisfaction and longing for the visceral moment they so anticipated when booking the restaurant.  The flow of conversation has been disrupted by the internet’s competition for attention and the company devalued by the phone-user’s obvious desire to communicate with everyone else who isn’t in the restaurant.  Subsequently, others at the table will probably become bored with each other and begin to browse Facebook and will, lacking any sense of irony, show the world just how much of a good time they too are having by liking or commenting on the photo of the other person’s food.  We now live in a society where a woman is more embarrassed to breast feed in a restaurant than ignore her child to check her Facebook feed.

Of course, that was a very extreme and ranty example.  But I’ve had the misfortune of being seated near such dystopian tables of airheaded young people as this.  What I’m trying to show is that when we use the internet for certain things it stops adding to life and begins stealing from it.  When our minds are occupied by thoughts of how we will appear online, we are less present in the moment.  In an effort to remember, share and show off our lives we have diluted the feelings in them.  For example, a sunset no longer provokes thoughts of why nature is so beautiful and how lucky we are to be alive and seeing, but instead the thought ‘I better get my camera!  This will make me look spiritual and fulfilled if I put it on Facebook’ fills the void of stunned awe.  We share moments we never really had because we were too busy sharing them, pictures we never saw because we were looking at a phone screen and say things to hundreds of lonely people in 147 characters of ASCII instead of in long phone calls, letters or over a cup of tea and a biscuit. 

If the final end of the internet really does turn out to be a singularity of pure interconnectedness with no individuality, then I think it would be a terrible shame.  If the hive mentality of twitter storms contrasted with the beautiful solitary thoughts of certain humans can be taken as a warning, then we should guard the individual as sacred.  The freedom to think like an individual and to live only through one’s own perspective has produced works of genius no collective body could ever hope to achieve.  We are fundamentally lonely beings.  The line by the songwriter Ben Folds “How does it feel to realise you’re all alone behind your eyes?” really shook me as a ten-year-old boy.  Today it is a comfort.  We are born the masters of our own minds, the only place tyranny cannot enter is the realm of the mind.  We are solitary viewers of the world who like to connect with each other.  The internet makes it too easy to do this in only superficial ways and so, for all its benefits, we must learn how to use the internet more sensibly.  The same applies for the endless media stimulation we can find: the trashy celebrity articles, pornography music and amusing videos – it becomes too much to stomach if abused.  The next challenge for the internet is for it to find a way to cohabit with us, not assimilate us.  Just as when a new drug is discovered, we must learn how to safely use it and in the case of the internet we must make sure we never ever give up our individuality and remain alone behind our eyes.