Thursday 17th July 2025
Blog Page 1233

BDSM helped me get over my rape

0

TW: rape, sexual harrassment, body dysmorphia

 

I used to think I could control every aspect of my life. I was a typical Oxbridge applicant – dedicated, intense, and passionate. I played on all the sports teams. I did every extra-curricular possible. I got great GCSEs and A-Levels. And then I went on the prerequisite gap year.

And then I was raped. I don’t want to discuss the actual rape itself, as it was obviously fairly traumatic, but I do want to discuss how I dealt with it. I was raped in Oxford, in an Oxford college, by an Oxford student. It was horrible. My tutors handled it admirably and my friends were great, but for obvious reasons, I was pretty fucked up by the experience, and despite my previous view that I could control every aspect of my life, I soon felt that everything had decided to control me.

For a while afterwards, I wore the most un-flattering and/or covering clothing I possibly could. No leg, no arms, and certainly no cleavage. I wanted to exist behind a kind of screen. I stopped going out. I got kind of fat. I just wanted to be invisible so that I didn’t constantly feel like people were grabbing at me, either physically or mentally. I just wanted to be alone, and since I had such horrible feelings of being outside my body, I definitely didn’t want to have sex for a long time.

The complicated thing was that I was still really horny but physical contact was too much. I am a fairly short person so pretty much anyone who wants to have sex with me is taller than I am. And at that particular moment I really didn’t like the thought of anyone overpowering me in any way.

Everyone has that one friend who does themost extreme things. My version of that friend was at that point working in a really famous sex shop which is known for its more unusual BDSM gear. She taught me all about the  merchandise but I still wasn’t particularly interested, until I met a boy.

I have never met someone like this boy. We had a connection that was instantaneous but it wasn’t at all romantic and it wasn’t quite the usual sexual connection I had with people. We got drunk together once and he told me he was a submissive and had fantasies of being tied up and whipped. Unusually, I had no idea what to say in response. I was initially hesitant, but then I thought about it, and he explained to me what safe words were, and how I could back out at any time, and I thought, “Why not?” We were set.

At first I would just give him a light spanking and be on my way but then  spankings became more and more intense, and I liked beating him up. I think that due to phenomena like 50 Shades of Grey, people think that BDSM just means beating someone up but actually it’s more like a dance – you have to warm up first and then start whipping them really hard. At a certain point, I, who had always thought of myself as fairly submissive sexually, became a domme.

For me, becoming more dominant sexually has meant that I was able to deal with being raped and feeling like I didn’t belong in my body. The freedom I feel when I step on someone’s back or gag someone is extreme and strange. It’s not that I’m trying to enact revenge, it’s that I’m just feeling powerful, and powerful within my own body. I understand that some people would find this bizarre – or even offensive – but being a domme has helped me not only come to terms with raped, but also to feel like myself again

Will hope ever spring eternal?

(This article was amended on 19/04/20 per the author’s request)

There’s a poster that I see quite a lot around Amman. It’s a hand-drawn picture of Jerusalem. In big capital letters at the bottom it reads ‘Visit Palestine’. The irony is that, for most Jordanians, visiting Palestine is not so easy. But I’m a white woman with a British passport. I can visit Palestine without a second thought.

A few months ago, I took advantage of this and visited Palestine. I visited two Palestinian cities during my stay: Bethlehem and Ramallah, the latter being the de facto Palestinian capital. In Bethlehem, there’s a wall which the Israeli government calls the West Bank Barrier. When it is finished, it will stretch 700km along the Israeli-West Bank border. It is justified as an Israeli security precaution and at parts it reaches eight metres high and is topped with barbed wire.

In my ignorance, I didn’t really see the point in visiting the wall – a wall is a wall, I thought, and I’ve already seen it. What I was unaware of was that the wall in Bethlehem, as in many Palestinian cities, has become a space for activism – a space where people rebel against a government that has denied them worth and stripped them of dignity. The wall has a clear purpose, which is to involve the world in the struggle for equality.

The target audience is the tourists who are herded in by European tour companies and then herded back out, their heads full of the history, weeping for Christ’s sacrifice, turning a blind eye to the present injustice.

In Ramallah, unlike Bethlehem, it feels almost possible to forget the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. In Bethlehem, Palestine feels like a courageous rebel group, but in Ramallah, Palestine feels like a state. It is very pretty. There are trees and the air feels clean. There are nice houses, parks for children, and even mansions and shiny cars. But you don’t have to scratch far beneath the surface to find the pain. I stopped in a playground. Like many British playgrounds, the walls were painted with murals. But instead of happy images of animals and flowers, there was a painting of a dead baby. On top of this, the emptiness of the place was striking. There were no children in the park, and further out the streets were deserted.

Apparently the streets weren’t usually this quiet, but the people here are still recovering from the recent attacks in Gaza. Events like that take their toll on the West Bank, too, and it takes a while for life to return to normal. As you go further out of the centre, you will find the refugee camps, in which approximately 30,000 people live, without homes and in danger of being without futures and without hope.

The life of the ‘Visit Palestine’ poster began with the pencil of a Jewish refugee fleeing Nazi Germany. He was expressing his longing for a homeland free from prejudice and fear. Now, in very different circumstances, Palestinians use the poster to encourage people to understand the present conflict. The circumstances in which the poster’s artist fled his homeland and the current Palestinian conflict are not the same – I don’t want to suggest that there is a simple equivalent to be made. What I do see is some hope in this unlikely transition of a poster from one cause to another.

That people of different backgrounds and faiths, speaking different languages and living in different eras, have come to use the same symbol to express a desire for safety and security, reminds us that we are not so different from one another as we might sometimes thing. That, whatever our differences, we are all human.

Monumental Art: Seven Works of Mercy

0

After the first free-standing sculpture of early Renaissance, discussed in this space three weeks ago, our journey through monumental art continues. We’re skipping a few centuries and ending up in the epoch of the Baroque, the Seventeenth Century, with one of the most celebrated artists of the period, Caravaggio, and his Seven Works of Mercy.

The painting is very large (nearly four metres high), but no detail is neglected. The composition is dynamic, and the figures are doing all sorts of things: lying, standing, pulling feet, drinking, stretching, twisting, clasping. All these actions are highlighted by plays of lights and shadows, possibly Caravaggio’s most distinctive trait. Bodies and textures are illuminated by different light sources, and chiaroscuro effects (strong contrasts between light and dark) dominate the surfaces of the picture. This painting therefore embodies the Baroque style well, which, if one had to capture it in just one word, that word would be ‘movement’. Indeed, looking at this painting, one’s eyes shift continually from one figure to the other, enraptured by the hectic activity in the picture.

But what is this hustle and bustle all about? The painting, as much as it may appear to be simply a scene set in a rough Neapolitan street, is in fact packed with allegorical meanings. As the title suggests, it depicts the seven acts of mercy which, according to Matthew’s Gospel, the good Christian should perform towards his neighbours. The theme ties in with the commission and the location of the painting: it is housed in the Church of the Pio Monte della Misericordia in Naples, a charitable organisation founded in 1601 by seven young noblemen with the aim to intervene actively in society in order to alleviate the poverty of poorer classes. The painting is the altarpiece of the high altar of the church, and constitutes a sort of ‘visual creed’ for the institution. In just one canvas, Caravaggio manages to encapsulate all seven works of mercy, with 15 characters in total. Clockwise, we have two men carrying a dead man to bury him, a woman visiting a prisoner and feeding him, a naked and crippled man (in the foreground) being comforted by a gentleman, an innkeeper welcoming a pilgrim, and a bearded man slaking his thirst. In the upper half of the painting, Mary is portrayed as Our Lady of Mercy, with the Child and two angels. The one on the left is stretching his arm towards the men below, as if wanting to jump down and see what was going on down there.

As we can see, the seven works of mercy are not performed by members of the aristocracy, which was the aim of the Monte della Misericordia, but rather by common people, which Caravaggio depicts in a scene that is everything but bombastic and self-congratulatory. It is as if Caravaggio was giving his own twist to the commission, excluding the world of the wealthy by choosing to portray the kind of people the charity wanted to help, rather than those who carried out the charitable actions themselves. Simply put, in this painting we see the clamour and the complexity of the Baroque coupled with the humblest representation of Seventeenth Century society. 

Loading the Canon: Barbara Pym

0

It was in The Times Literary Supplement in January 1977, in a feature remarkably similar to this one – ‘The Most Underrated Books and Authors’ – that Philip Larkin called for a greater recognition of Barbara Pym’s works, writing of the author, “She has a unique eye and ear for the small poignancies and comedies of everyday life.” So in a sense, this article is sort of redundant – or at least, is about 38 years too late to the party. Larkin’s efforts have probably already somewhat eclipsed anything I could achieve in a meagre Cherwell column; his comments in the TLS led to Pym’s previously marginalised works being re-issued by her publishers, and indeed incited the author herself to compose three new novels before her death in 1980. Pym has now become almost a byword for ‘rediscovered author’, so I won’t pretend to be uncovering anything ‘new’ here; instead, I’ll sing the delightful praises of her bestknown work, the politely amusing Excellent Women.

It helps that my copy of the novel is a beautiful Orla Kiely-covered hardback version; if aesthetically pleasing books are your thing, then this one’s for you. The novel itself is almost as picture-perfect as its cover, with a plot as neatly puttogether as its protagonist, Mildred. The story follows Mildred (an unmarried woman in her 30s – though from the way she presents herself, you’d think she was 50) as she navigates the faintly exciting world of 1950s London, met with such insurmountable crises as – gasp – her next-door neighbours maybe or maybe not getting a divorce, or – shock – the vicar’s new fiancée being a bit mean to the vicar’s sister. OK, so the action doesn’t exactly come thick and fast, but that’s patently not the point of the novel; this perfectly-etched comedy of manners presents us with a world in which what happens is infinitely less interesting than the people to whom things happen.

Jane Austen’s influence on the novel hardly needs emphasising; the characters’ magnification of their little lives to a status of all-encompassing importance echoes Mrs Bennet at her best, while the unfailingly polite narration conceals, in true Austenesque style, a gently mocking smile at the trivialities people mistake for events of utmost seriousness.

Excellent Women won’t blow your mind, it won’t change your life, and it certainly won’t spur you on to go out and perform any acts of earth-shattering importance. However, this also does not mean that I’m not recommending you to read it as soon as possible. I’m heartily of the opinion that we all need a little more non-malicious fun-poking in our lives, and Pym is truly one of the masters of the craft. And, if you need more convincing: Philip Larkin said she was the most underrated novelist of the Twentieth Century – what more invitation do you need?

Death of a Playwright: Arthur Miller remembered

0

Arthur Miller, the writer who delved into the beautiful and ineffably sad recesses of post-1929 Depression America like no other, followed Willy Loman into the dark ten years ago this month. 2015 also marks the centenary of his birth. If you’re reading this article, then it’s likely that you were touched by something in his work – and, given Miller’s success as winner of the Pulitzer Prize, seven Tony Awards, two Drama Critics Circle Awards, an Obie, an Olivier, and the John F Kennedy Lifetime Achievement Award, you would be one of an extensive number of admirers. Despite so many accolades, Miller had his critics, and entertained a lively relationship with the press for much of his life. Two months after his death, the actor Peter O’Toole called him a “bore”, and critic Roger Kimball was particularly derisive of his artistic achievements. As a conservative figure in the world of Twentieth Century literature – his style and form were hardly ever radical – his work was often faced with accusations of tameness, and it is true that Miller was one of those playwrights whose reputation was founded on only a handful of his many plays. The ironically titled The Man Who Had All The Luck is one particularly memorable example of the atrocious reviews many of his plays received.

It is, however, worth noting that if the critics were derisive, Miller was equally so. “Critics and commentators, like most of us, are lazy people,” and “I have often rescued a sense of reality by recalling Chekhov’s remark, ‘If I had listened to the critics, I’d have died drunk in the gutter’,” are two characteristically pertinacious remarks which indicate the writer’s disdain for those who presumed to judge him.

Yet, it isn’t just through his comments that one gets the feeling that Miller was uncompromising. In a 1966 Paris Review interview, the author famously stated, “The director of a play is nailed to words.” And what words. Death of a Salesman and The Crucible are remarkable for their unflinching style and strong vernaculars, which rise and fall with rugged poignancy. They feel cogent, charged, masculine, and John Procter-like in their sparse, unyielding diction. Miller once stated that carpentry was his oldest hobby, and it’s hard to imagine that this ‘scholar-farmer’ characteristic didn’t influence Miller’s work. Something polished came from a natural, robust core.

[mm-hide-text]%%IMG_ORIGINAL%%11157%%[/mm-hide-text] 

Miller himself was explicit about the relationship that his work had with his life, saying, “The plays are my autobiography. I can’t write plays that don’t sum up where I am. I’m in all of them. I don’t know how else to go about writing.” Married four times, his life was so dramatic, it often seemed to overshadow his work: he was first married to Mary Slattery; then to Marilyn Monroe for five years; then to the photographer Inge Morath, with another two children, and lastly to a 34 year old minimalist painter Agnes Barley (by which time Miller was 89). Particularly with Monroe, the bombshell-geek union was irresistible for a salivating press. Some critics even dubbed a series of plays ‘The Marilyn works’. Still, the relationship between his private life and his work wasn’t always damaging. For anyone who has ever spent an evening absorbed in Death of a Salesman, it would be hard not to draw comparisons with the playwright’s personal life.

Miller was born into a very wealthy Jewish family in Harlem, which was an elegant and mixed neighborhood of New York, partly German, partly Italian, Jewish and black in social make-up. Everything changed for the Millers after the Wall Street Crash of 1929, with the family plunged suddenly into the depths of poverty alongside many other American citizens. They moved to Brooklyn, to a smaller house in a more underprivileged area. At 13, Miller wanted to be a soldier. At 16, he wanted “anything that was going”. The effect on him was sweeping, undoubtedly leading to a critical opinion of corporate life and the subsequent accusations of Communist sympathies during the period of McCarthyism, out of which arose the modern classic The Crucible

The first time I came across that particular play, I was an impressionable 14 year old in an all-girls school filled with girls who could rival Regina George for bitchiness. A particularly brave young teacher decided it might be an interesting thing for us to study. I distinctly remember my 14 year old self noting the eerie echoes of girls going too far, caught up in the hysteria of group identity and retribution in my own environment. The themes of his play were palpable even ostensibly unrecognisable setting.

And that’s just it with Arthur Miller. Although very much rooted in a particular period and culture, whether an allegory for McCarthyism, a portrayal of the Great Depression, or an acute examination of corporate mendacity, each of his plays is infused with the time from which it arose. His work is imbued with something vitally human, a kind of transcendent examination of sex, betrayal, fundamentalism, and despair. We are Salem, just as Salem was McCarthy’s America. And it is for that reason that he should be – and will be – remembered. 

Review: The Duchess of Malfi

0
★★★★☆

Four Stars

When one whittles down the plot of Webster’s The Duchess of Malfi, it certainly does seem to resemble a modern day soap opera. When uptown widow the Duchess, finds love again in downtown boy Antonio and marries him in secret, her two power-hungry brothers – one weirdly incestuous – exact their blood-thirsty revenge when she suddenly gets pregnant, destroying the lives of everyone around them, including themselves.

Director Cara Kenny certainly revelled in drawing out the modern relevance of Webster’s Seventeenth Century tale, peppering the stage with ever-evolving newspaper articles from the Malfi Mail – the first headline reading ‘Widow Woes’ – and incorporating magazines as contextually appropriate props where necessary.

But though the play ultimately succeeds in reminding us of the modern day relevance of this Renaissance tragedy, for such a supposedly “bold reimagining”, we might have expected a little more inventiveness. In “an age of non-stop information”, it seems odd that the Duchess’ will wasn’t written on an iPad, just as the urgent letter which Bosola sends to Rome wasn’t updated to an e-mail, or even a Facebook message.

Even the Duchess’ monologues could have been reimagined as a series of anonymous blog posts, to illustrate further how “the boundaries between the public and the private are increasingly blurred”. But alas, the tale’s modernisation became more and more diluted as it went on, though the idea itself still holds great merit and validity.

In particular, the sex-reversed casting of Bex Watson in the originally male role of Bosola, a malcontented and murderous social critic, is an insightful and yielding interpretation. When juxtaposed with the Duchess herself, Bosola is able to offer an alternative to the gender-constrained role enforced by the media, in demonstrating how a woman may defy such stereotypes by being as deceitful and opportunistic as a man. Hamish Forbes as the tender-hearted Antonio provides an effective contrast to Watson’s grittiness.

Even Niall Docherty’s Ferdinand – who somehow manages to make incestuous lust humorous – seems somewhat emasculated by his lack of control over his sister the Duchess. Higgins, too, performs admirably in her role as the poised and steely Duchess, and is arguably the most compelling actor on the stage, hitting both the comedic and tragic targets set out for her character in the script with great artfulness and precision.

Despite some occasional amateurish errors, their performances were entertaining and the standard was generally high. Higgins in particular was admirably polished. Though they could have pushed their modernisation agenda further, the cast and crew have provided a thought-provoking show which is certainly worth seeing.

The Duchess of Malfi runs until Saturday at the BT Studio.

Review: Blood Wedding

0
★★★☆☆

Three Stars

 

Director Connie Treves’ adaptation of Lorca’s 1932 rural Spanish tragedy operates on the delicate balance between domestic life and impulsive violence. This is a play in which The Mother makes bread whilst viscerally describing the sight of her husband and son being brutally murdered with knives. And, I’m sure you’d be unsurprised that in a play entitled Blood Wedding, this violence is a key motif. The play hinges on the fact that “Blood couldn’t be denied,” relying on the fatalistic idea of ‘bad blood’ passing down through generations.

This ominous feeling of this dark inheritance was best conveyed by The Mother (Imogen Hamilton-Jones), with her nostalgic obsession with the past tainted by loss, and The Bride (Beatrice Liese), who was trapped between the comfort of marriage and the passionate heat of her relationship with Leonardo (Josh Ames Blackaby). Her tortured expression pierces the audience throughout, but it is the striking chemistry created by her and Leonardo that really packs a punch.

Treves’ focus on physical theatre and expressive movement across the stage to convey emotion is at its best between these two, whether they are flinging themselves together or pushing each other apart.

The play, however, was a little stunted by first night nerves, with many of the cast stumbling over some of their lines; the result was that Lorca’s beautifully intense dialogue sometimes didn’t hit as well as it should have.

Admittedly, this problem of delivery also stems from transferring a play full of the oppressive heat of the rural Spanish countryside in the 1930s into the somewhat sterile environment of St John’s auditorium. It made some lines feel somewhat incongruous, leading to uncomfortable laughter from the audience.

An extremely impressive aspect of the production was musical director David McFarlane’s inspired use of a string ‘tri-tet’ (did I make this word up?); it provided passionate accompaniment to the tension of the stage and was, at moments, difficult to tear one’s eyes away from.

Another of the most beautiful moments was Siwan Clark’s turn as The Moon, for which she sung and played the harp. Her stunning voice was heightened by the accompaniment of wonderfully choreographed dance, reflecting the passion – but also panic – of the moment.

The use of dance as a production piece was interlocked with the physical focus of the play: several scenes put the actors through their paces with demanding expressive dance sequences.

The physicality, however, worked better at some times than others – the ambiguous hair ruffling that started the play was slightly lost on me. But the physical theatre was most effective when the dialogue did not quite deliver: gesture expressing something words could not quite express.

Overall, however, this is a very ambitious play which conveys the heat and passion of Lorca’s tragedy through its expert use of physicality, as well as some brilliantly effective music and dance, and as such should be applauded.

Blood Wedding runs at St. John’s Auditorium until Friday 27th February.

Review: King Lear

0
★★★★★

Five Stars
 
A confession: I had not read King Lear before coming to see this production. It’s a confession of ignorance but also a proviso to all you punters. To a Lear philistine, it is not clear where Shakespeare’s Lear ends and where director Stephen Hyde’s Lear begins. Watching last night’s performance I think the blend of directorial and authorial input broadly worked. Yet the philistine’s idea of blend is more often than not the purists’ idea of perversion. By way of reconciliation my advice to both is the same: brace yourself.

Shakespeare’s epic tail charts the rise and fall of two daughters who, having inherited their father’s kingdom, proceed to brutally usurp him. Their subsequent machinations and eventual downfall implicate an ambitious bastard son who betrays his own father in aiding the sisters’ coup. Like the best tragedy, it casts us into the most horrifying and disturbing extremities of the human experience. Like the best tragedy, it is the artifice of the form that confronts the brutality of the truths revealed. 

We are constantly reminded of this relation between artifice and reality in Hyde’s production. Soliloquies are often accompanied by a live filming to which are privy via a huge wall projection. The characters seem to be both aware and unaware of their image on the wall. We as the audience are thus at once complicit in the character’s view of themselves yet at once detached from this identification. In a brilliant touch, it is the fool who wields the camera, the character who is at once the outsider and the inner most core of the play. Playing with the artifice behind our identification and yet maintaining the horrific fascination induced by such identification is perhaps one of the greatest achievements of the production.

This achievement owes no small measure to the cast. There were some absolutely stand out performances due to a masterful naturalism across the board. There was no lazy characterization by way of grandiose proclamation and hammy melodrama. Rather a nuance and sensitivity in the delivery made for some really captivating moments. In particular, James Hyde’s rendition of a ridiculous yet commanding, childish yet perverted, despicable and humorous Lear was very convincing. His counterpart, the fool, was so well played that under Alex Wicken’s interpretation, one wishes Shakespeare had written him more lines. The sisters were as sinister and generally unpleasant as one would expect. Unexpectedly they were played with a flagrant sexuality, which while intriguing still remains unclear to me. In a torture scene, one of the sisters practically orgasms over strapping the poor Gloucester to a chair and then proceeds to menacingly gyrate over him. It was an excruciatingly visceral scene, yet I’m not sure if it was in spite or because of this odd sexualisation.

The elements of a great production were all certainly in abundance and in the end it managed to be more than the sum of these parts. But only just. Hyde directed this as if he were directing a film. The music (original and brilliant) was used like in a film, the use of shadow and light was very film noir and indeed use of the live filming almost made a film of it. On stage, this cinematic aesthetic sometimes sat too heavily particular at the start. In the end I think as an audience we bought it, but purists beware.

Let’s stop the stigmatisation of self-harm

0

“Yes, but people shouldn’t have to talk about it…”

“…and do you really think everyone is like you, that they’ll want people coming up to them and asking about it?”

These were some good points.

This conversation took place minutes before I found out my article on self-injury had been published without my consent. It had started raining, so the discussion came to an end and my friend and I parted ways. It reminded me to send off a request, the third of that week, to ask if the edited version was ready, so I could approve any changes or not before it went to print. “It’s out!” the reply returned quickly. Up popped a grainy photo of a newspaper page: a large silhouette with cogwheels for a brain loomed beneath a small patch of text. What? It was already in print? I had been told the week before that the editors were concerned my original piece glamourised self-harm, something I disagreed with, but was patiently waiting to discuss once the sub-editing was finished. I zoomed in and began to read the familiar intro… It only took until the second paragraph to realise an article largely different from my own had been signed off with my name.

A key focus of my original article was about an experience I’d had at an Orthopaedics conference a couple of months before, because it framed the points I wanted to make about non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) perfectly. One of the registrars, while fiddling with my arm, noticed the dulled scars on my shoulder and stopped in her tracks, remaining silent for roughly five seconds. Having moderate depression co-morbid with anxiety, I tend to be hyper attentive to body language and overthink things, so what may have been mild discomfort on her behalf appeared to me as disgust and embarrassment. For the rest of the day, I was quiet, mulling over that short scene until I was miserable.

Firstly, this highlighted the sometimes irrational thought processes common to mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression. Secondly, although I had blown it out of proportion, her response was clearly not helpful. But this article read differently. In this version, the registrar was a ‘horrible person’ who had said ‘something nasty to make me feel upset’. Albeit, my original text was ambiguous: “However, it only took one [of the registrars] for me to feel upset.” But my article emphasised that I was looking at their body language, and it is just common sense that doctors don’t whimsically say ‘horrible’ things that would jeopardise their whole career. Damn. The bit in about scars not causing long-term damage to my physical health, just as the ones picked up on the playground don’t affect non-self-harmers, was kept, but the context was lost.

They’re just scars. We all have them, whether from sports, accidents or as an expression of mental illness. Some look ‘cool’ and some don’t. Mine don’t, but they’re there to stay. My point is that superficially, the act itself is not a major problem (except for risk of infection, of course). The psychiatric condition from which it manifests is. Therefore, when someone reacts with discomfort to the obvious patterns of self-injury, I struggle to believe it is based purely on aesthetics. If someone has a series of disfiguringly large scars from a serious accident, I concede that aesthetics may come into play; however, without knowing the context in which those injuries were obtained, it is ludicrous to judge a person by them. In my case, where the context was evident, the non-verbal reproach to an outcome of my condition is therefore demonstrative of subtle but unmistakable stigma. As the aforementioned scenario was obfuscated in the published article, I shall turn to science, which is harder to obscure.

In 2007, researchers at Columbia critically assessed all previous literature looking into the epidemiology of NSSI in an attempt to come up with an exact figure for how many people have performed NSSI in their lifetime. The figures they derived ranged from 13 per cent to 23.2 per cent, depending on what level of severity or method (cuts, burns, high impact injury such as punching walls etc) of self-harm was assessed. Many studies over the last few years indicate that NSSI is on the increase, especially amongst adolescents, so it is likely that this number is now higher. So, at the lowest estimates, one in ten people reading this article will have had or are yet to have a personal encounter with NSSI.

In 2010, a questionnaire study of 73 psychiatric patients at a hospital in Derby found a significant correlation between self-harm and self-criticism, shame and self-persecution. Although a relatively small study, it illustrates the psyche of someone who self-harms. That is, it is the consequence of moral distortions emerging from a psychiatric illness.

This quotation is taken from a small, intense study of self-injurious adolescents in Ireland, and it sums up my concern perfectly about the stigma around NSSI. “A person might internalize the external stigma, subsequently leading to a sense of confusion and self-doubt… For many of the participants, this experience ultimately compounded a sense of emotional reticence, rejecting the idea that they would want help or indeed that they would want to break out of the spiral of self-injury” (Long et al, 2014).

What about those who swear such stigma does not exist? Unfortunately, there is little current evidence about NSSI stigma in the UK with which to argue my point. Instead, I present you with evidence from 2008, obtained from 157 finalists at universities in the West Midlands studying for careers in healthcare. Participants were given one of two vignettes: a young woman who self-harms because of drug misuse, and the other because of drug abuse. The former is deemed to be within the woman’s control, and the latter out of their control (analogous to self-injury as a result of psychiatric illness). When asked a series of questions gauging attitudes towards the vignettes, a significant proportion responded with a set pattern of beliefs: that self-harm was a manipulative act, worthy of anger, and something that we should be reluctant to assist with. This was least common amongst nurses, who reported the most familiarity with self-harm, but shockingly was the most common amongst medical students who would become the first point of call for self-injury cases. This pattern occurred only slightly more for the drug misuse vignette.

While a major criticism of this study is that self-reported attitudes and behavioural intentions may not translate to actual behaviour, it is clear that a significant number of healthcare students our age had very negative attitudes towards self-harm based on preconceptions about its purpose only seven years ago. I highly doubt such aversive opinions have disappeared in such a short time. The most important finding of this study, in my opinion, is that familiarity with self-injury leads to the best behavioural intentions.

Therefore, self-injury is common and a result of moral distortions. Stigma regarding self-injury is likely to exist even among those who are responsible for care-giving due to preconceptions, and can lead to emotional reticence, preventing someone with a psychiatric illness from seeking necessary help. Familiarity is the most beneficial factor in responding appropriately to self-injury. As such, I still believe that in my orthopedic scenario, the best thing the registrar could have done would be to ask about the scars. Become familiar with NSSI by asking about it, just as you would someone with scars from an accident; rid yourself of preconceptions and destroy this ridiculous stigma that can be so harmful to those with mental illness.

Before I conclude, NSSI does have an association with suicide and therefore the act itself may be indicative of a person at high risk. However, this is in the minority of cases. In 2011, after the Columbia report, 2,000 adolescents in China were asked about personal self-injury and suicide attempts; lifetime prevalence of self-injury was 23.2 per cent, while that of suicide attempts (SA) was 3.2 per cent. Self-injury and SA co-occurrence was 2.3 per cent – typically, those that reported SA came from significantly less functional families than those reporting NSSI, indicating the origin of such behaviours is dissimilar. This is supported by another report from Oxford and Bristol scientists published last year, who argue that vulnerability and motivational factors need to be better assessed if we wish to prevent such behaviours. In light of this evidence, we should be concerned about self-harm, given the links to suicide attempts. However, we should not assume that self-injury is predictive of suicide attempts, and therefore any approach to NSSI should not be of aggressive concern, but a gentle inquiry showing understanding and support.

Voices from the Past: Sylvia Plath

0

Sylvia Plath’s life was tragically short, but she managed to produce some powerful and extremely poignant works. In this recording, she reads aloud her poem Daddy, the affectionate title of which contrasts ironically with the tone of the verse. Plath saw her father Otto, who died when she was eight, as an oppressive, authoritarian figure. The Holocaust imagery, “An engine, an engine / Chuffing me off like a Jew. / A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen,” has long been taken to suggest that her father held fascist, pro-Nazi sympathies, and in 2012 newly released FBI files showed that he had indeed been investigated on suspicion of entertaining such beliefs.

In this recording, Plath’s voice is strong and measured, with assured pronunciation of the German phases like ‘Ach, du’ that seems to contradict the poem’s portrayal of German as a ‘language obscene’. It indicates the powerful spirit of a woman who struggled with depression for much of her life, as well as an extremely troubled marriage to fellow poet Ted Hughes. Her use of so sensitive a subject as the Holocaust for a metaphor in Daddy is controversial, but it certainly achieves the effect of portraying her father as part of a cruel and terrible past that haunted the rest of her life, and from which she was never quite able to escape, “I have always been scared of you.”