Monday 7th July 2025
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Review: Reading Festival 2014

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Last weekend, I decided to brave the muddy fields of Reading once more. Returning for the first time since the mandatory post-GCSE pilgrimage of 2010, I arrived – wary of tent-burning, £9 burritos and 16-year-olds on MDMA, but willing to fight to see the amazing line-up of bands that had been the deciding factor in persuading me to buy a ticket, some of which I’d been waiting years to catch live. This is what I found.

 

Arctic Monkeys â˜…★☆☆☆

Does Alex Turner even care any more? Yes, he’s a massive fuck-off rock star and yes, he can pull the arrogance off through sheer talent, but now the Arctic Monkeys seem as though their heads are so far up their own arses they can’t see Sheffield any more. The delightfully wry boy who wrote Whatever People Say… was unrecognisable in the snake-hipped, slurring icon who took to the stage on Saturday. Sure, being full of yourself is part of rock’n’roll, but not when it detracts from the power of your set and ability to actually interest your fans. None of this was helped by the fact that the volume was far, far too low, leading the crowd to start chanting “Turn it up, turn it up”. A limp, cold performance.

 

The Hives â˜…★★★★

Perhaps Mr. Turner should learn something about swagger from The Hives’ now-veteran frontman, Howlin’ Pelle Almqvist – Pelle can pull it off with surprisingly camp garage-rock pizzazz. The beautiful thing about every Hives show is that it isn’t just Pelle who goes crazy. All five members are clearly heavily invested in their performance (special mentions to goggle-eyed lead guitarist Nicholaus Arson and drummer Chris Dangerous). Consistently named one of the best live bands around, it was plain to see why at Reading. Opening a set with a song whose lyrics consist of three words (“Come on, come on, come on, come on, everybody come on!”) is surely the sign of genius or insanity. I’d go with a bit of both. Randy Fitzsimmons will have been proud.

 

Enter Shikari ★★★☆☆

In recent years, Enter Shikari have become very fond of espousing the equivalent political views of someone in year 9. It would be nice if they would stop. Yes, we appreciate that ‘the slimy one percent’ owns 99% of the wealth, and yes, we love the NHS, but is it really the place of a post-hardcore band to tell us what to think about governmental cuts while we boil in the sun, crushed between thousands of sweaty bodies, waiting for them to play some actual music? Couple that with the over-crowded front of the main stage as hundreds of aggressive teen boys turn up for a fight (Enter Shikari’s reputation for creating havoc now precedes them) and this band was decidedly annoying. They didn’t even play Mothership. No space to dance, no space to mosh, hardly space to breathe. In their defence, the blame for that can’t be laid at the band’s door. Three stars.

 

Die Antwoord â˜…★★★☆

Matching convict-orange hoodies. Ejaculating ghosts. The most glorious flattop to grace music since the early 90s. A duo that never misses a chance to mess with your head, Ninja and Yo-Landi’s combination of sinewy energy and bubblegum kink was a winning one once again. I Fink U Freeky and Enter the Ninja were particular highlights, if just to see a bunch of swaggering over-masculine teen boys (which seems to be recurring theme at Reading) reduced to singing “I am your butterfly/I need your protection/Be my samurai”. New single Pitbull Terrier would have been a welcome addition to the set list, but even without it, Die Antwoord kept the energy level at maximum for a blistering 40 minutes of zef madness.

 

Hudson Taylor ★★★☆☆

Probably the surprise package of the festival. Playing on a smaller stage early on the first day, the boys from Dublin could have been forgiven for surrendering to difficult circumstance. Instead they kicked things off with a rousing sing-along, oscillating between barn dance and lighter-in-the-air intimacy. Only Don Broco had more dedicated fans out of every band we saw this year.

 

Warpaint â˜…★★★☆

As a band who can creep up behind you and lull you into a deep sleep, Warpaint’s gently hypnotic set was a joy to watch. Not bothering to waste time talking between songs, the band’s sonorous wail filled the NME tent and built up, song by song, until everyone under the canvas appeared to be in a trance, swaying and gyrating, dreaming. Warpaint are proof that a band doesn’t need mosh pits and crowd banter to be a success at Reading, just professionalism and a clear-cut belief in the effectiveness of their music.

 

Gerard Way ★★☆☆☆

It feels almost cruel to criticise Gerard Way’s solo global debut, but the fact remains that without the rest of My Chemical Romance behind him, the man’s music is far too nice, and forgettable as a result. He doesn’t quite have the voice for anything gentler than the spitting, self-conscious pop punk that made his band the poster boys they are, and despite the legions of die-hard female fans who turned up and duly screamed every time he did, it was difficult not to keep wondering whether his set would have been more fun with a few guitar solos and lyrics about vampires and suicide.

 

Other highlights of the festival included Pusha T and, in fact, the general intimacy of the tiny Radio 1Extra tent, Gogol Bordello’s headline-rivalling gypsy punk party, which stole a significant proportion of blink-182’s crowd, and Royal Blood, who seem to be fast carving themselves a niche among the best blues rock duos of the last ten years alongside the likes of The White Stripes and The Black Keys. Jeremy McKinnon of A Day To Remember took to a zorb and used it like a giant hamster ball midway through their set for the single most surreal moment of the weekend.

Reading’s atmosphere in general was mixed. The vast majority of festival-goers are 16-18 years old, and as a result the crowds are lively and responsive to the acts, but the flip side of this is that the campsites can be the scene of a lot of posturing and peacocking. Many seem to think there is still something to “prove” about going to Reading, and sometimes it seems to get in the way of the fun and friendliness that might be found at other festivals. Nonetheless, with a brilliant line-up and notable lack of torrential rain until the Monday morning, Reading 2014 was one to remember.

Review: The Rover

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★★★★☆
Four Stars

What’s the point? That’s the question at the core of David Michod’s The Rover, a brooding thriller set in the Australian outback ten years after the unexplained collapse of human civilisation. The film stars Guy Pearce as a mysterious man determined to retrieve his stolen car, who enlists the help of the car thief’s brother, played by Robert Pattinson in a transformative performance. As the pair attempt to track down both the car and its new owner, a tense and beautifully acted character driven story emerges which allows the film to explore the devastating consequences of the delusions we create to maintain the human spirit.

The derivative plot and setting recall any number of post apocalyptic films from Mad Max to The Book of Eli, but the film is quickly distinguished from its genre contemporaries by Michod’s investment in his character’s remaining shreds of humanity, even if the admittedly strong production design provides little that audiences haven’t seen before. The dystopian outback sets the tone for the film, where every dust road and wooden shack are as run down and worn out as their inhabitants. Lights give off a sickly glow, windows and doors slide laboriously along their frames, and people lounge in their chairs for days on end.

Every character we encounter is waiting for something – for a customer, for a loved one, for death. Though set in Australia, the film is unashamedly a Western, its lone gunslinger hero a cipher for the story’s concerns with independence and liberty. However, the film plays with genre convention and subverts expectations. An early scene set in a matriarch’s drug den recalls any number of frontier town brothels, but Michod drags the trope into much darker, more disturbing territory. This frontier isn’t on the cusp of anything, it’s at the end of it.

Pearce is melancholy but ferocious in his performance as our mysterious protagonist, bringing an exhausted menace to the film. His unclear motivations and single mindedness make for an intriguing first act, but it is only after the arrival of Pattinson that the audience is able to emotionally connect with the film. If it is Pearce’s Eric and his stolen car that provide the film’s plot, it’s Pattinson’s Reynolds that provides its heart. Whilst Eric tests the audience’s patience with an unsympathetic protagonist, Reynolds becomes the audience’s surrogate, terrified, unsure of himself and adrift in this bleak inhumane world. Whilst Reynold’s arc is the most accessible in the film, it is also the most heartbreaking, as his misguided attempts at independence lead him round in circles.

Pattinson is remarkable in the role, with no trace of Twilight‘s pensive Edward Cullen in the darting eyes, jittering limbs and quivering jaw of his emaciated Reynolds, who flinches from an imagined attack anytime someone speaks. The film is at its most engaging when both actors share the screen, with Pattinson’s magnificently watchable freneticism perfectly complementing Pearce’s recessive presence. This tension between performers reinforces the instability of their character’s power dynamic, which sustains the film’s momentum to its conclusion.

Despite the film’s broad vistas and endless roads, it still manages to maintain an oppressively suspenseful tone through its ability to make us care about its small cast of unpredictable and violent characters. The shallow colour palette employed by cinematographer Natasha Braier captures the tired frustration of our characters, whilst her creeping cameras create a sense of unease that keeps the audience alert.  In one memorable sequence a camera gradually zooms in on the face of a terrified Pattinson, hiding from bullets behind a motel bed, inviting us to empathise with these characters in their most vulnerable moments. In this way Michod foregrounds the human emotions which could have easily become lost in the dusty wasteland.

Antony Partos’ terrific original score, atonal and abrasive, creates a sense of anticipation, building and building all the way through to the end of the credits. The film features a few moments of levity including perhaps the most left field musical cue in recent memory – you’ll know it when you hear it – which feel incongruous to the film’s otherwise cohesive tone due to their clumsy execution. The film’s self regard can stretch the audience’s patience at times, with moments of unintentional ridiculousness leading to stifled laughter in the screening I attended.

The Rover is magnificently acted, gorgeously shot and wonderfully scored, and tells a complex human story through a tense but straightforward plot. However, it is a film as bleak as the world it depicts, arriving at depressing conclusions about liberty and delusion, and uninterested in offering any real catharsis. The audience in my screening stayed in their seats for almost the entirety of the credit roll. The cinema felt like it was waiting for the ending, for its reassuring resolution. The Rover leaves you, like its characters with a sense of feeling incomplete – the story has concluded, but now we’re left without purpose. This lack of comfort is both its greatest weakness and its masterstroke. Indeed, what is the point?

 

Theatre etiquette: The response

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This article is a response to that of Will Obeney, which can be found here.

Last month, we saw Will Obeney make the argument that intrusions of modern technology are – amongst other annoyances – signs of a lamentably declining standard in the behaviour of some audience members. He believes more theatre-goers should be aware of their “responsibilities to fellow audience members or those on the stage and behind it”. But do these modern problems faced by the world of theatre betray a saddening decline in the behaviour of audience members, or should the stage adapt to accommodate the changing audience dynamic?

This has been a hot topic of late, with frequent theatre-goer Richard Gresham’s ‘Theatre Charter’ (in which he, like Obeney calls for more respect for conventional audience etiquette) gaining a number of supporters, and perhaps most notably Stephen Fry, whose endorsement propelled the campaign to the limelight. However, others have condemned the Charter and the motivations behind it. The Albany, Deptford, published an article about why they wouldn’t be signing the Theatre Charter, because whilst they “hope that those that attend [their performances] will behave in a fashion that respects our artists and our fellow audience members” they feel that “to formalise this expectation in this way” would damage the relationship the theatre has with its audiences, audiences who might not typically experience the arts, and might already be worried about what to wear or how to behave.

In some ways, I can sympathise with the views expressed by Gresham and his Theatre Charter. I doubt that anyone would really want their phone to ring in the middle of a play, and similarly would react negatively to a disturbance caused by others. However, some other examples of supposed audience misbehaviour show the distinctions between proper and improper etiquette to be less clear-cut. Recent commentators have also attacked audience members for expressing their admiration of Martin Freeman – starring in Richard III at Trafalgar Studios – by cheering or screaming whenever he walked onstage. Plenty of people have seen this as a breach of etiquette, or as an unfortunate consequence of the need for the casting of famous faces. However, in this supposed misdemeanour, I see something far more positive and exciting – new theatre-goers, theatre-goers who are really enjoying themselves. These fans of Freeman have been derided for being there only because of Sherlock or The Hobbit, or only because they fancy the play’s star, or, for what some seem to see as the worst crime of all, being teenage girls.

Of course, the categories ‘fan of Sherlock’ and ‘Shakespeare enthusiast’ are hardly mutually exclusive, even amongst teenagers, but even if we do owe these audience members to a TV show, why is that such a problem? They’re going to a theatre intending to fully enjoy a play, and I would argue this makes them more likely to appreciate the play on its own terms than some seasoned theatre-goers. Also, there’s a high chance that for at least some of these audience members, this is their first or one of their first productions. Rather than tutting at them, or telling them off, it’s important that they, as the new generation of theatre-goers, are made to feel welcome, rather than excluded from an elitist view of the theatre which adheres to codes of which they might be unsure or unaware.

If I had to choose, I’d rather be in an audience full of enthusiastic if somewhat vocal new, young theatre-goers than, as is more often the case, an immaculately behaved crowd of old-timers divorced from any emotional response to the piece. Sometimes, when you’re at a play, a phone will go off. Sometimes someone will cough loudly at a dramatic moment. Sometimes an audience member will react strongly and emotionally to something they see onstage. But theatre is a live art form, and a downside of this impermanence and immediacy is that sometimes someone else might for a moment bring you out of the experience of the play, whether it’s someone rustling sweet rappers, an actor stumbling over their lines, or a friend poking you in the side for the first ten minutes to ask if that’s ‘her from that thing’ playing the lead.

The upside to live theatre is the wonderful fact that, in spite of everything that could go wrong, the actors, the set, the costumes, music, lighting – everything – comes together to create a unique and emotionally involving experience. Occasional disturbances may happen, but if you can’t ignore them outright, shrug them off as part of the experience. You are not the only member of the audience, nor are you the most important, and there is more than one valid way to enjoy the theatre.

Oxford’s culture vultures

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Balliol – Graham Greene

Graham Greene is one of the most important English novelists of the 20th century, penning such classics as Brighton Rock, The Power and the Glory and The End of the Affair. Greene’s fellow author and contemporary at Oxford, Evelyn Waugh, said of him: ‘he looked down on us, and perhaps all undergraduates, as childish and ostentatious. He certainly shared in none of our revelry.’ Ok, so maybe he wasn’t a barrel of laughs, but his contributions to cultural life are undeniable.

LMH – Nigella Lawson

Despite changing schools nine times in as many years, Nigella Lawson secured a place at Oxford to study French and Italian. She spent her year abroad in Florence, where the Italian cucina inspired her to unleash her inner domestic goddess. Despite the revelations about her extremely lavish lifestyle and penchant for class-A drugs, she still charms the public with her florid writing style, personable TV manner and sex symbol looks.

Christ Church – Richard Curtis

Christ Church may have produced 13 prime ministers, but perhaps its biggest boast is the king of rom-coms, Richard Curtis. While at university, he was an active participant in the Oxford drama scene, scriptwriting for the Experimental Theatre Club and collaborating in the Oxford Revue, with his pal, Rowan Atkinson. Since then he has shown that he has a keen sense for the comic (Blackadder, Mr. Bean and The Vicar of Dibley) as well as for the sentimental (Four Weddings and a Funeral, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Notting Hill, and Love Actually).

Exeter – Alan Bennett

Another member of the Oxford Revue, Alan Bennett came to Oxford on a scholarship and stayed on for a few years after graduating to teach Medieval History. But alas, he soon realised he wasn’t cut out for academia. Nor for the clergy, which he had always assumed he would join, for the sole reason that he looked a bit like a clergyman. He is best known for his play, The History Boys, about a group of boys applying to Oxbridge, a tale no doubt inspired by his own experience.

Lincoln – Dr Seuss

The Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham may not seem like particularly highbrow literature, but their creator, Theodor Geisel (alias: Dr Seuss) spent two years at Oxford, studying for a PhD in English Literature. His children’s books bring up important social and political issues veiled in Aesopian language: The Lorax advocates environmentalism and anti-consumerism, The Sneetches encourages racial equality and Yertle the Turtle criticizes Hitler and authoritarianism.  Something to think that next time you’re reading about The Hoober-Bloob Highway and Daisy-Head Mayzie! 

New – Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale had a more intense undergraduate experience, than most, balancing her study of French and Russian literature with a demanding acting career. During one summer vac she went to Tuscany to film Kenneth Branagh’s big screen adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing and while studying in Paris on her year abroad she filmed the French language Marie-Louise Ou La Permission. Drifting from smaller productions to Hollywood blockbusters, Kate Beckinsale appeared in Pearl Harbour, which, despite being poorly acted and historically inaccurate, gave her an opportunity to snog both Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett.

Brasenose – William Golding

William Golding spent two years studying Natural Sciences at Brasenose, before realising that he didn’t actually like science and swapping to English Literature. His book of Poems was published the year he graduated, but it was 20 years before he wrote his first novel and magnum opus: Lord of the Flies, which was adapted for stage and put on by a group of Oxford students last Trinity. His literary works won him a Nobel Prize, a Booker Prize and a knighthood.

Magdalen – Andrew Lloyd Weber

Another Oxford alumnus whose cultural endeavours were recognised by Queen Liz herself, Andrew Lloyd Weber dropped out of his History degree at Oxford after just a term. His awards and honours are as innumerable as his contributions to musical theatre. Now this impresario is a regular on daytime TV, appearing as a judge on reality TV shows, in which people audition for the main role in his West End shows, like The Wizard of Oz and Jesus Chris Superstar.

Somerville – Dorothy L. Sayers

Dorothy L. Sayers was one of the first women ever to receive an Oxford degree, a few years after she graduated from Somerville with a first in Modern and Medieval literature. She went on to write a series of detective novels set in the interwar years featuring the English toff and amateur sleuth, Lord Peter Wimsey, whom she described as a mixture of Fred Astaire and Bertie Wooster. Though she is best known for her crime fiction, she herself considered her best work to be her translation of Dante’s Divine Comedy.  

Teddy Hall – Terry Jones

Culture may not be the first thing one associates with Teddy Hall, but cracking banter probably is. So, it makes sense that the college’s most famous culturally-inclined alumnus is a member of Monty Python. During his time at the Hall he performed comedy with future Monty Python castmate Michael Palin in the Oxford Revue. He is best known for his conceptual jokes and depictions of middle-aged women. Terry Jones also takes humour from absurd situations, for example, the famous sketch in which he plays a cheesy game show host who asks contestants to summarise Marcel Proust’s 3000-page work À la recherche du temps perdu in 15 seconds.

Keble – Katy Brand

Katy Brand decided to study Theology at Oxford after embracing the faith on a holiday in Cornwall with some Evangelical Christian friends. However, she quickly lost her religious beliefs and later said: ‘After about a year, I realised it was mostly rubbish and that things are never as simple as they seem when you are 13’. However, during her time at Oxford she met friends who helped her launch her career in television. Now she is one of England’s most beloved comediennes.

St Peter’s – Hugh Dancy

One of the biggest pieces of eye candy ever to have walked the cobbled streets of Oxford, Hugh Dancy is a successful actor on the stage, the small screen and the big screen. He studied English at Oxford under the tuition of poet and playwright, Francis Warner, before being scouted in a café in London. To the disappointment of womankind, he recently tied the knot with slightly-more-famous-than-him actress, Claire Danes.

Worcester – Rupert Murdoch

Rupert Murdoch owes both his birth and his downfall to newspaper publishing. His parents met after his father spotted a debutante photograph of his mother in one of his own newspapers. Now the News of the World tycoon faces police and government investigations into bribery and corruption by MI5 and the FBI. In between these two events, Rupey read PPE at Worcester and managed Oxford Student Publications Limited, which is in charge of that paragon of student publications, Cherwell.

 

 

 

Christian Louboutin Beauté Launches

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What do you think of when you hear the name Christian Louboutin? Shoes, yes, but more specifically shoes with a striking red sole. Ever wondered where the red sole came from? Surprisingly, this distinguishing feature of Louboutins was completely unplanned; unsatisfied with one of his prototypes and noticing his assistant painting her nails, he quite simply grabbed the bottle and painted the sole of the shoe. Whoever knew a simple bottle of red nail polish could be behind one of the most successful shoe brands of today?

I’m pretty sure most girls dream of owning a pair of the red soled beauties, but if the price tag sends you into a cold sweat, don’t worry – you can now own your very own ‘Rouge Louboutin’ in the form of the brand’s first ever nail polish. This debut polish is, of course, the ultimate red.

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From 14th August to 4th September there is a pop up Christian Louboutin beauty space in Selfridges, during which the brand will exclusively launch its 30 additional nail colour range. Yes, 30! The Noirs, The Nudes and The Pops each contain 10 colours so there really is something for everyone.

Just like his shoes, these polishes are mini works of art – the glass bottle was inspired by classical balustrades found in European buildings from the 17th and 18th Century. Imagine it sitting on your dressing table.

So, go on, pop into the pop up at Selfridges between now and the 4th of September. It’s one you won’t want to miss!

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Selfridges Pop Up 14th August – 4th September
30 additional colours will launch exclusively at Selfridges on 25th August
The Noirs, Nudes and Pops will launch in Christian Louboutin Boutiques on 26th August
RRP: £36 each  

Review: Dry The River – Alarms In The Heart

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★★★★☆
Four Stars

The journey of Dry The River’s second album from the studio to your ears has been a rocky one. In early 2013, it seemed as if the essence of the band might have frozen in the wilderness of Iceland where they spent some months.

However, in June 2014, they returned with ‘Gethsemane’, a mournful, beautiful, and powerfully poetic plea, filled with biblical and literary references which reflect the fierce intelligence that Dry The River have always proudly exhibited. The song has been a live staple for more than a year, along with ‘Roman Candle’, but an album just refused to form around them.

The band suffered through this creative drought, even doubting that the record would ever be released at all. Will, the violinist, jumped ship.

But eventually, Alarms In The Heart has emerged, showcasing for a second time all of Liddle’s lyrical skill and reeling off the quasi-religious, half-folk-half-heavy-rock ballads.

‘Gethsemane’ is a track of undeniable brilliance, with every line a gem of poetic genius. What other band today is producing lyrics like ‘excavating down you’d find the drowning and the drowned / And then there’s us babe’. This is a song that could be read as poetry, but the musicality should not be ignored. Dry The River execute their traditional movement from quietly crooned lyrics over softly-plucked guitar to crashing guitar chords and (if you’ve seen them live) a veritable whirlwind of sweaty hair.

The other lead single, ‘Everlasting Light’, is the song that Dry The River say represents their path out of the wilderness. Indeed it is a departure from something, but if it’s the way out of the wilderness, the band might have been better off staying there. While it’s a perfectly decent tune, with a solid chorus and a nice tune, Shallow Bed it is not.

The whole album nudges Dry The River slightly closer to a more conventional indie rock sound, where some might have hoped that they would take the opportunity to explore some of their more interesting aspects – the harmonizing beauty of a song like ‘Shaker Hymns’ had so much space in which to expand, and yet Alarms In The Heart seems like more of a constriction.

That said, it is still a solid album with some very good songs, and Liddle’s songwriting remains excellent. Plus they’re local boys. I’m still a fan.

Listen to the album over at Sound Check.

Protest? What protest?

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Thousands of people take to the streets every summer. No, this isn’t just the summer rioting phenomenon; I’m talking about popular protest. However, if you live outside of London, you might not realise the scale that popular protest movements are operating on. Namely, because of the lack of media attention that they receive.

We might naively assume that today, our widely connected world does not still rely upon the mainstream media; that what it chooses to report does not restrict our consumption of information, but it might be wise to rethink this assumption. Content by the people for the people is still not yet as powerful as ‘official’ content from news stations. The mainstream media still holds significant power over the information that we consume, even today, when we can freely access so much on the internet. The media controls which section of the unprecedentedly vast amounts of information we are exposed to catches our eye.

Will informal news through social media ever become strong enough to combat this sense of validation?

What social media does provide though, is a glimpse into topics which the mainstream media neglect to report upon in great detail. We can see the selective information supplied by the mainstream press well through its reporting, or lack of reporting, about popular protest.

We can see a dearth of information about the recent protests to draw attention to the atrocities being committed by the Israeli army. Whilst there has been minimal reporting of the protests by the BBC, reports have been vague, and figures that display the size and scale of protests have been vastly underplayed. This information is freely available online for those wishing to research, but has not been presented.  Over a hundred thousand attended the Demonstration for Gaza in late July, with ongoing protests, yet the demo went largely unnoticed by the media.

I could come up with theories as to why there were few reports on these protests. It wouldn’t be difficult to imagine the reasoning behind the lack of mainstream media reports about protests and demonstrations, but the worrying fact is that no reason should be prevailing. Protests highlight important issues, and often those overlooked or mismanaged by the administration. For there to be several cases in which these issues were underreported, especially when they have been shown to be important to a significant amount of people, smacks of censorship. It is issues like this which might have contributed to the UK ranking 33rd, falling four places since last year, in The World Press Freedom Index.

Last year’s November 5th ‘Million Mask March’ protests, influenced by the film V for Vendetta and organised by the online organisation Anonymous also went largely unreported, despite huge numbers of participants in over 400 cities worldwide. It was however fairly well covered on social media, the main medium for  participation in and organisation of the event.

June’s People’s Assembly March saw over 50,000 protesters marching against the government’s austerity policies. Again, there was very little to no mention of in the mainstream media; reports which did emerge focused upon Russell Brand’s involvement in the cause.

As we increasingly look to social media as the source of our news, it will be harder and harder to ignore the things that people are talking about. Journalists will feel a greater a responsibility  to talk about the stories that matter to people. Maybe in future we will see better reporting about protests involving tens of thousands of people on controversial issues, which might not be convenient news stories, but are stories that matter.

From Paris with love and an overdraft

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We’d already booked the flights when I started looking for accommodation in Paris. After reviewing the prices of endless hostels I had resolved to abandon the trip all together. There had been a great deal of wishful thinking on my part to imagine that a holiday in Paris was within my budget. Then came my discovery of Airbnb: a website for people to rent out lodgings. Pierre owned a studio near the centre of Paris in le Marais. He was away on a work trip for a week and was renting his studio for half the price of the cheapest hostels.

I arrived with my girlfriend late at night one evening with no idea of how to get to our destination. “I’ll give you the details when you arrive” Pierre had said. I received a number of ominous texts over the next couple hours, our liaising resembling that of a wildly suspicious transaction under the cover of night: “Walk down this street…now the next…now type x code into y door and walk through that unlit alleyway.”

I was beginning to fear for my own safety but unbeknownst to my partner I had quickly realised her potential as a human shield. Plus she was carrying the more expensive phone which I thought stood in my favour. Comforted somewhat I continued to follow Pierre’s instructions. When we arrived he told us he’d hidden the key in one of the plant pots in an unlit courtyard. This wasn’t immediately apparent, however.

Since Pierre’s English left a lot to be desired and I’d failed to scrape a pass in GCSE French, establishing the keys whereabouts proved challenging. “It’s in the Ert”, Pierre sighed over the phone. I quickly established the absence of a yurt and told him he was deeply mistaken. A bewildering exchange and half an hour of digging later, we found the key under a foot of earth. I fell asleep to dreams of receptions, check-ins, key cards, hotel staff and elevators that night.

I was well aware that Pierre’s photographs would be misleading. You don’t need to be an accomplished salesperson to recognise the importance of being economical with the truth. But in this case the circumvention took the form of a toilet-cum-kitchenette. To best illustrate this unconventional pairing: you could very easily fry an omelet whilst taking a shit.

Yes, the hobs were quite literally at arms length from the toilet with an adjacent sink posing simultaneously as a place to wash your hands and dishes. While I appreciate the efficiency of this set up, for a romantic get-away there was something particularly unsavoury about the studio layout. Though the photographs were careful to evade highlighting the proximity with which you’d be cooking and relieving yourself, to Pierre’s credit the utilities section on his profile did read ‘Toilet:0.5’.

Naturally I understood this as an unfortunate typo. To make matters worse the bedroom-cum-dining room and toilet kitchen were separated by a flimsy curtain. This lack of sound proofing provided all the more incentive to spontaneously make solitary excursions down the 7 flights of stairs and out onto Rue Portfoin. Here a sullen waiter would begrudgingly point in the vague direction of the nearest loo in the knowledge that you wouldn’t understand a word of their response to your half hearted “Ou est le toilette”.

It was my idea to go to Paris. A friend of mine was living there for most of the summer on 180 euros and was doing “just fine”. I was convinced that my girlfriend and I could afford a measly 4 nights. I fell victim to mendacity for a second time when I found my friend in Paris utterly destitute. I should have known that Tom would be dwelling in a rouge Parisian’s attic living off multipacks of ‘le pain’ (curiously enough there is a breed of French bread which directly translates into ‘the bread’. Miraculously, this doesn’t appear to confuse bakery staff).

We met him a couple of metro stations along the central line for a drink and invited him back to ours. “It’s quicker back on the metro”; “I couldn’t possibly, the metro costs 1.70 and I have 4 euros to last me until Thursday”, he cried in a bout of maudlin self pity. “I’ll walk to yours!” He pronounced, ran his hands through his immaculate 1980s mop, lit his cigarette and pretentiously swaggered off in the general direction of Le Republique. Tom proceeded to get steadily tipsy off a carton of fermenting wine whilst regaling us of tales of his impoverished and solitary life in Paris, reading Voltaire, chain smoking, ‘le pain’ and the time when he was accosted by a man looking for a “PA” and narrowly missed starting a career as an escort.

That was my rather long-winded way of letting you know that Paris is bloody expensive. And when cooking your own meals involves manoeuvring around a toilet, you’re more disinclined to avoid eating out. Essentially, if you’re a student looking for a romantic weekend away in Paris, I hope you landed that nicely paid summer internship. I certainly didn’t.

10 things that happen in your first week at Oxford

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You arrive at college with a lot of enthusiasm.

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You learn loads of new lingo, like ‘MatricuLASH’ and ‘LolaLASH’.

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You join LawSoc, despite having no interest in law.

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You meet this guy:

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You are absolutely astounded at how much it costs to join the Oxford Union (but you do anyway). 

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You get given your first piece of work and realise that everyone who said uni was a breeze after A-Levels was LYING.

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You wear heels once, then swiftly decide to go clubbing in Converse.

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Tears, drinks and bodily fluids aplenty are spilled on the Park End cheese floor, something you will continue to see for the next three years.

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You meet the people who were a bit too keen on the Fresher/Offer Holder pages.

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You go to freshers’ fair and have to make the cripplingly hard decision of which student publication to join (and you choose Cherwell, obviously).

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Merton top 2013/14 Norrington Table

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The University has released its yearly list of degree classifications revealing the performances of each college, with Merton topping the list for the first time since 2011.

34 Merton students received first class degrees, while 43 students were awarded a 2.1 as the college jumped three places from fourth.

St John’s climbed a place into second, Worcester jumped from eleventh to third, while last year’s top achievers New slipped to fourth place.

Wadham were the high climbers this year, jumping from 19th to fifth place, while Exeter jumped 13 places from 28th to 15th. Out of the PPHs, St Benet’s have taken top spot from Ripon College, Cuddesdon.

The Norrington score has caused controversy ever since it was developed by Sir Arthur Norrington, a former University Vice-Chancellor, in the 1960s to provide a way of measuring the performance of students at each college in finals.

As the University website stipulates, “The Norrington score is calculated by attaching a score of 5 to a 1st class degree, 3 to a 2:1 degree, 2 to a 2:2 degree, 1 to a 3rd class degree and 0 to a pass, Honours Pass and Unclassified Honours. The percentage expressed is calculated by dividing the total college score by the total possible score the college could attain.”

Delighted with the year’s academic performance, Merton’s Senior Tutor Dr Catherine Paxton told Cherwell, “it is always wonderful to top the Norrington Table but this achievement is particularly special in our 750th anniversary year. 

“This outcome reflects both the dedication of the tutors and undergraduates and the College’s commitment to providing an environment in which our students can fulfil their academic potential.”

Somewhat surprised by his college’s high performance, Merton’s Jeremy Ogunleye admitted, “I will say that I noticed work load and expectations went up drastically. I’d assume college staff will be extremely delighted with the news and probably relieved.”

However, he also told Cherwell, “No, I’m not particularly proud of it as it reinforces a reputation that members of the college aren’t proud of. It’s all mad.”

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Also not particularly proud of their position were bottom place college Pembroke, who recorded only 17 first class degrees from 102 students.

A college representative told Cherwell that, “While Norrington scores are subject to substantial fluctuation, we do find our result this year disappointing.  However, some of our students obtained excellent individual results, including the top first in the University in History and English. 

“Pembroke has an ambitious and active community, and has invested heavily in recent years in teaching provision and facilities, as well as developing an outstanding access scheme.  We expect improvement in academic performance will follow – these are long-term initiatives which will take several years to have a demonstrable impact on admissions and progression.”

Pembroke can also find consolation in the fact that even the University itself has been quick to stress that, “since the numbers of degrees awarded per college are small, the rankings should be treated with caution.”