Wednesday 8th April 2026
Blog Page 1396

Conflict of interest: Supporting England and Man United

Sam Rabinowitz
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Conflict of interest: Supporting England and Man United

“Go on, Tony.” I couldn’t help it. He was supposed to be the enemy. The big rough opposition captain, trying to strangle England’s latest darling. But at that moment, for me, the match ceased to be between England and Ecuador. I’d spent the game diligently supporting my country, but suddenly things changed: this was United’s Antonio Valencia against Liverpool’s Raheem Sterling. This was a nasty Scouser trying to scythe down Our Tony. Gooner Jack then piles in, acting like a goon. Manchester United against the world. Go on, Tony.

The higher one’s team is in the football pyramid, the more likely one is to face this conflict of interests when watching international foot- ball. Not only might you spot a hero in the opposition ranks (as Wigan, Hull and Stoke fans did in the Honduras game), but you might be pitted against an enemy in your own. Even Liverpool fans, currently the impeccable patriots, given the tendency to see this England team as having been created in their team’s image, will face tribulations at the World Cup. No self-respecting Red will be able to resist taking some pleasure from the sight of Luis Suárez dancing around Everton’s Baines and Jagielka, Chelsea’s Cahill, and, possibly (if Glen Johnson gets injured or continues to play like a muppet), United’s Jones or Smalling, in São Paolo.

The partisan nature of club football renders this inevitable, to a degree. We spend all year in a frenzy in which it’s seemingly acceptable to hate some men because they play for a foot- ball team we don’t like. As a United fan, I cannot stand Steven Gerrard. He’s the captain of Liverpool, he understands that that job entails fighting with United players, he has an annoying demeanour and self-obsession, and, most grating of all, he has managed to cultivate a myth of himself as the modern embodiment of the nearly extinct quality of loyalty (despite having submitted a transfer request to join Chelsea).

In real life, these aren’t acceptable reasons to vehemently dislike someone that you’ve never met. But I do. The fact that this man captains England makes the most instinctive impulse for a football fan – supporting one’s country – more complex, more of an exercise in introspection, than it should be.

Gerrard, though, has at least managed to achieve the support of most fans of rival clubs when on international duty (including, of course, myself, once the proper matches begin). Rooney has had no such luck. For a brief period, the fans who scream “You fat bastard” at him from August to May will crush him with their ‘support’ in Brazil. And then, as he inevitably underperforms, it will dawn on those supporters that this is the Wayne Rooney they hate for most of the year. Back come the death threats.

Partisan club support exists everywhere, but there is also something particular about the English club game that gives greater impetus to the internal conflict that international football induces in fans. We often like to think that the Premier League is the best league in the world. It isn’t. What it can boast though is a more global array of talent than any other league. According to the latest figures (which constantly change, given player withdrawals), 124 players from English clubs have been named in World Cup squads, compared to 66 from Spain’s La Liga. A fan of an English club is more likely than a fan of a club in any other country to feel a tug on his heartstrings as a hero lines up for the opposition at the World Cup.

Clearly, there would be less of a problem here if club sides were forced to play more English players. This seems unlikely. The forthcoming Nations League may have a more subtle effect: if we see England play more regularly in actual competition, the feeling of supporting Gerrard, or Rooney, whoever the opposition, will become more natural.

For the time being, though, it’s simply something to which I (and many others) must quick- ly acclimatise, so that when Gary Cahill stops Chicharito from scoring a last minute winner in the quarter-final, I will collapse in genuine relief. Nevertheless, I can only hope that when England do win the tournament in Rio, it is Danny Welbeck, captain, who collects the trophy. The people’s choice. Well, my people’s choice.

College cricket scene set for an exciting finale

Jonathon Turnbull
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College cricket scene set for an exciting finale

This week sees the final games of the 2014 inter-college cricket league take place, and there is still a lot to play for across all divisions.

Worcester are leading the top division with 110 points after having played six games. They are followed closely by St. Catz with 95 points, which makes the last games of the season ever more important. However, last week saw the top of the table clash washed out, with both teams taking 11 points after rain stopped play. In fact, all matches in 6th week were cancelled due to rain; a striking similarity to last year’s cricket season.

Third and fourth place are not far behind the top two, with Balliol and Keble both on 92 points. St. John’s are fifth with 82 points, leaving a 28-point gap between themselves and sixth place Christ Church. As such, tight points margins at the top are ensuring an exciting end to the season.

New and Queens line the relegation zone though, with New on 43 points and Queens on 34 points, after five games each. New College have had a disappointing run in the league this season, but more than made up for it by beating Brasenose in the Cuppers final back in 6th week. New partnered with St. Hilda’s for the Cuppers tournament, and sent a star studded side into the competition. The Cuppers tournament is usually much more competitive than the league as the college teams manage to put out all of their cricketing blues. In the final, New/St. Hilda’s set a target of 179, despite a shaky start in which both of the opening batsmen were dismissed for just 60 runs after 20 overs. They managed to pull it back in the second 20 overs though, and pushed the game just out of reach of a strong Brasenose side that couldn’t quite chase down the total.

Merton shares the leadership of Division Two with Pembroke, with both teams on 99 points from six games. The two teams are set to clash on 16th June (8th week), in what is likely to be the title decider. Cuppers finalists Brasenose reside in third place on 77 points after five games, which means they are still in with a chance of promotion.

Hertford and Teddy Hall, tied on 88 points from five matches, top Division Three. Wadham follow closely, on 83 points. Although the bottom dvision, it is home to a plethora of strong teams, with Hertford boasting three university players.

As far as the strongest sporting colleges go, Worcester is one of the only colleges to see its reputation reflected in its position in the league. The cricketing talent is spread fairly evenly between the top and bottom divisions. This is not the case for many of the other inter-college sports, such as football, where the qual- ity of football varies much more amongst the divisions. The strength of individual colleges changes each year as new players move in and finalists begin revision in Trinity term.

The Cuppers tournament showed how teams from any division can succeed; Division Two colleges have size as their advantage, with a much higher chance of fielding University level sportsmen and sportswomen in their teams. Hertford is thus an anomaly in this sense. The key to a successful Cuppers run is to encourage the top players to contribute to their college team, as most tend to focus on University training and the BUCS leagues during the term.

To turn to the reserves, the larger colleges, and a host of MCR sides, dominate the second XI leagues. Wolfson-St. Cross lead division one, taking 66 points from four games. Worcester are second with 62 points from four games.

With all to play for, college cricket teams enter the last two weeks of the season. 7th week has seen the Authentics (Oxford University 2nd XI) travel to Cambridge to compete in their T20 Varsity match, as well as the historic Turl Street clash of the titans between Jesus and Exeter. Going into the game, Jesus are sitting in 6th place in Division Two, on 60 points, followed by Exeter in 7th place and with 58 points. Both teams had played six matches prior to the fixture, which gave each team even more to play for. Hopefully the sun will stay out then, and we will see the title decided on the pitch.

Confessions of an Oxford Student

Niluka Kavanagh
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Confessions of an Oxford Student

http://youtu.be/gXdD7IOAzY4

 

Review: Othello

Luke Barratt
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Review: Othello

In Othello, Shakespeare took on a topic which had been growing in the minds of his Elizabethan contemporaries. The play was written during a period of extensive negotiations between Morocco and England, with a prominent Moroccan ambassador present in London. Yet it is notable for coming out strongly against the racism and indeed sexism of Shakespeare’s time, portraying a strong black character in Othello who is eloquent, powerful and respected. 

Oluwafemi Nylander pulls off this aspect of Othello’s character with ease. From the instant he sets foot on stage, there is a certain quality to his presence that asserts itself over the other characters. His early dialogue is self-assured and confident.Meanwhile, Barney Fishwick’s Iago starts out, as the character ought to, inconspicuously. 

We’re not quite sure what to make of him in his early exchange with Roderigo who, as it happens, plays the fool brilliantly. While Othello is on stage, Iago is subdued. The audience can’t quite keep their eyes off him as they wait for him to betray some sense of his evil, but he is every inch the perfect ensign.

When Iago is left alone on stage, Fishwick’s talent really shines. Filled with confused and misdirected emotion, we are immediately confronted with the problem of Iago’s motivation. As he plots his revenge against Othello, we can’t help but wonder why. He moans that Othello “between the sheets/ has done my office” and complains that he is a better man than Cassio, and deserves the lieutenancy, but none of these reasons quite satisfy.

For the first half of the play, Fishwick continues in fine form. It is an oft-quoted claim about this play that, due to a script which gives the villain vastly more time on stage, Iago tends to outshine his Othello. This is certainly true in the famous 1995 film, in which Kenneth Brannagh’s scheming ensign blows Laurence Fishburne (an actor of no inconsiderable talent) out of the water. So too in this production, our attention is drawn away from the titular character. By Iago’s third soliloquy, the audience is even starting to take his side, revelling in his evil.

However, in the second half of the play, Nylander shows why he is one of the most sought-after young actors in Oxford. As Othello’s mind fragments, he really rises to the challenge, owning the script rather than allowing the script to own him. Even the notorious fit scene is done well, with Nylander falling to the ground and writhing in a wholly convincing manner; this is a scene that even the most famous productions have struggled with. The final scene is also handled expertly. Othello mysteriously recovers his former majesty shortly before murdering his wife, and the wonderful speeches, in particular “I heard besides that in Aleppo once” at the climax, are delivered with aplomb.

It would be remiss of me not to mention the excellent staging. Christ Church Cathedral gardens are wonderfully picturesque, and the College building itself is used at the start to great effect when Brabantio appears at a first floor window. Throughout the play, the stage is split in two, with most of the action taking place on the main stage, and a solitary bed placed on the right side. The effect of this is a terrifying foreshadowing of the murder to come, and a reminder of the savage ending to the play.

It is in this ending that the third star of the play comes forth. Amelia Cherry’s Emilia is magnificent in the later parts of the play. The ‘Willow’ scene is one of my favourites. Desdemona, whose singing voice is beautiful even if she is occasionally inaudible at times, intones a mournful melody while Roderigo poignantly sharpens his sword, scraping after every line of the song. After this, Emilia’s storming speech on the nature of male-female relations took my breath away. The literal separation on stage of violent men with swords and vulnerable women in a bedroom is a clever piece of stag- ing, and emphasizes the danger faced by the largely helpless Desdemona.

This is a very traditional representation of Othello, right down to the costumes. Few risks are taken with the interpretation, but this is not to the detriment of what is overall an extremely fine production. 

Review: Back To The Excellent Hot Tub Time Machine

Libby Wicks
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Review: Back To The Excellent Hot Tub Time Machine

In the penultimate sketch of the show, one of the four funny-men, Tom Dowling, gives the audience a few tips on how they should best respond to the show. He concludes that it’s safest to say that it was “hit and miss”, so that you can adapt to the responses of your companion. This meta-sketch was not only amusing, but rather accurate. The show was a series of hits and misses, eliciting, by turn, awkward titters and unbridled guffaws.

The show started badly with a rambling voice-over, which was meant to be one side of a phone conversation between the actors and their manager, but which fell a bit flat. After this, though, the sketches went from strength to strength, culminating in the hilariously obscene anthem to Rachel Riley. “Your blue eyes make my penis smile” crooned one of the boys to the countdown queen, while a tributary slideshow of her in her famously microscopic dresses was projected onto a screen behind.

The sketches came in various forms: spoofs of Oxford students, contemporary satire, absurdist humour, and, of course, that crucial splash of meta-comedy. The Oxford-based gags were the weakest. For example, the boys acted out a condensed episode of ‘Shark Tales’. At the start the ‘presenter’ announces that he is “posh, wears glasses and will show you that drunk people are pricks”. The issue is that the presenters of the real show are fully self-aware and that is part of their charm. Making a parody sketch of something that is already a self-parody seems a bit pointless.

Somewhat less obvious jokes came with the spoofs of contemporary TV shows. Josh Dolphin gave a wonderful monologue in the role of Alan Bennett auditioning for a “gritty Northern adaptation of Breaking Bad” and the idea that “Top Gear’s’ tagline is ‘Not racist – just banter!’” is horribly accurate. Oli Johnson Munday’s creepy guitar-playing Spaniard added some nice slapstick to the show in an absurd scene about two young Welshmen on holiday in Spain.

Bizarrely, some of the funniest sketches were those without talking. Perhaps the highlight of the whole show was a brief sketch in which Tom Dowling sits alone at a table with a pint to the backing of Sixpence None the Richer’s cheesy ‘Kiss Me’ and then all of a sudden, violently chunders into his glass. Understated, but hilarious. Similarly comic was the recurring sketch in which Dan Byam Shaw mimes the very emotionally fraught cutting and distributing of a cake.

It may be a little hit and miss at the moment, but with a few tweaks and some work, this could be an hour-long barrel of laughs. 

Live Review: Drenge

Helen Thomas
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Live Review: Drenge

Drenge are two loud, angsty youths who have taken the UK’s grottiest music venues by storm. Their serving of harsh, wailing vocals and thrashing guitar has been at the forefront of 2013/14’s replacement of shoegaze electro snorepop (or whatever Pitchfork was touting in 2011) with gritty, basic garage rock. Their performance at last year’s Glastonbury was enough to catch the attention of Labour MP Tom Watson, going on to name drop them to Ed Miliband in his resignation letter. The debut album was yet another success for the young band, with critics and fans falling for their brand of modern two-piece grunge.  

But it would seem the drive has somewhat grinded to a halt, due to exhaustion from excessive touring, an inability to generate much original invention beyond the band’s debut last year, and an almost absurd need to enact the grunge persona. Drummer Rory’s hair is now so long and positioned around his face to make him look more than passably like Cousin Itt from The Addams Family. The gig upstairs in the Oxford O2 Academy was so lacking in energy and enthusiasm that watching the poor geezer in front of me try to work out whether or not he was going to chunder was at times far more entertaining.

That’s not to say Drenge weren’t trying; singer and guitarist Eoin Loveless is wailing with the very best vigour he can manage, but with the crumbling drums and the guitar overdriving so hard it sounds like an amp having an aneurism, it blends into a messy, grimy soundscape of gloop, rather like musical treacle. But treacle, although delicious at the start, but soon your mouth sticks together and you get a tummy ache. Quite a severe one for the poor bugger in front. Even the extensive mosh pit, which began with such violent passion, has to accept defeat in the mucky moments, and the individuals involved stand and sway slightly bewilderedly. I, meanwhile, am looking at my watch.

Here was an hour’s long example of why you can have too much of a good thing. Whilst the rough sound of Drenge is what brought them fame, they need to respect, refine and develop it for a clearer, more original and faster paced live performance.  

Proctors’ Office requires registered clubs to change rules

Robert Walmsley
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Proctors’ Office requires registered clubs to change rules

Clubs registered with or looking to register with the University are being required to amend their constitutions to meet new University regulations. The new rules came into effect in October 2013, however, clubs that were already registered with the University were granted an academic year’s grace before they had to conform to the regulations.

Clubs run by Oxford University students, which are open to students from various colleges are eligible to apply to register with the University Proctors.

The Proctors’ Office acts as the administrative hub for the Senior Proctor, Junior Proctor and Assessor, who are elected by colleges annually. The Senior Proctor and Junior Proctor have responsibility for ensuring that the University, including clubs affiliated with it, operate according to its statutes.

Clubs not registered with the University are forbidden from using ‘Oxford University’ in their names or to use the University’s coat of arms. After a club has been registered with the Proctors for at least two complete terms, it is then eligible to apply for special permission from the Vice-Chancellor to use the University’s name and arms.

Registration enables clubs to receive support from the University Clubs Committee, which is chaired by the Assessor. Support offered by the committee includes discounted access to insurance cover, minibus hire and photocopying. The committee also gives small start-up awards of up to £200 to new clubs.

However, some clubs have been unhappy about some parts of the new pro forma constitution that incoming regulations require affiliated societies to conform to, except in cases where the Proctors’ office has approved any deviations.

The pro forma constitution of non-sports clubs requires clubs to ensure that at all times the activities of the club in question are conducted in accordance with University policies and codes of practice, which includes its Integrated Equality Policy, Code of Practice on Harassment and Bullying, and Code of Practice on Freedom of Speech.

Other requirements include that every member of a club’s committee and every officer of a club are “entitled to be indemnified by the club against all costs, charges, losses, expenses and liabilities incurred by him or her in the execution or discharge of his or her duties or the exercise of his or her powers, or otherwise properly in relation to or in connection with his or her duties.”

The pro forma constitution also states that a club “may be dissolved at any time by the approving votes of two-thirds of those present in person or by proxy at a General Meeting.” A club may also be dissolved, without the need for any resolution of the members, on not less than thirty days advance notice from the Proctors to the Secretary of the Club, or if at any time the Club ceases to be registered with the Proctors.

In addition, under the rules, if a club is being dissolved, its assets are required not to be automatically distributed amongst the members, but paid to or at the direction of the University.

President of Oxford Scandinavian Society Erik Hammar commented, “The Oxford Scandinavian Society initiated the process of registering with the University some time ago. However, we were informed that it had since recently become a requirement that all clubs bring their constitutions in line with a standard version. My committee and I were surprised by this reply. The specimen constitution is extremely detailed, attempting to govern the fine details of the club’s administration. More importantly, however, it grants final interpretative powers to the proctors, and further it demands that the club’s assets must be “paid to or at the direction of the University” in the case of dissolution. In the light of these highly questionable clauses, we have halted our registration process and are currently discussing how to proceed.”

A spokesperson for the University commented, “Clubs registered with the Proctors are required to follow the rules laid out in the constitution. This is the implementation of a decision of the Rules Committee which took effect from October 2013 with an academic year’s grace period for existing clubs. The Proctors’ Office is happy to advise individual clubs on specific issues as necessary and to listen to feedback on the constitution. A review of the general oversight of clubs has been agreed and will commence shortly.”

University committee backs Living Wage for staff

Robert Walmsley
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University committee backs Living Wage for staff

A University committee has recommended that the Oxford University Council approve a paper calling for the implementation of the Living Wage for all staff in University central buildings and departments. The paper was discussed by the University’s Planning, Resources and Allocation Committee on Tuesday 27th May. The committee has now agreed to recommend that the University should support the principle of paying the Living Wage, on the understanding that it should seek accreditation by May 2015.

The Oxford Living Wage Campaign had campaigned for members of the Committee to support the paper. The campaign also held an event outside the meeting, offering cookies to members of the committee and information about the Living Wage.

To become eligible for Living Wage accreditation the University would have to commit to paying the Living Wage to all staff in central buildings and departments. The value of the Living Wage is set every year by the Living Wage Foundation.

The recommendation by the Planning, Resources and Allocation Committee follows a similar recommendation made in Hilary term by the University’s Personnel Committee.

The University Council will now reach a decision on whether to adopt the measure, prior to the beginning of Michaelmas term 2014.

Andrew Grey, Chair of the Oxford Living Wage Campaign stated, “I am delighted that two senior university committees have agreed that it is both right and feasible for the University of Oxford to accredit as a Living Wage employer. If approved by the University Council, this decision will impact the lives of hundreds of staff, and sends a clear message that the University values all of its staff.”

Daniel Tomlinson, OUSU Vice-President for Charities and Community said “The University is now taking the idea of paying a Living Wage to all of its staff really seriously and I’m really happy that this penultimate committee is recommending that the University of Oxford should become a Living Wage employer.

“This has been a long time coming, but hopefully by the end of next year (if University Council agrees with the recommendation) there will be no staff in the central University paid less than the Living Wage and the University will have made a public commitment to fair pay that will stand for many years to come.

“The focus now must return to the colleges, many of whom are paying a Living Wage but not taking the positive step of accrediting as Living Wage employers. The Living Wage Campaign began in colleges and it will now be going back to where it all began. I encourage students who want their college to accredit to get in touch. We have now built up a network of favourable University staff who we would love to put interested students in contact with.

“There is certainly more to do but the decision today is the biggest step in the right direction this campaign has seen since it formed over 6 years ago”

A University spokesperson commented, “The Personnel Committee and the Planning and Resources Allocation Committee recognise the potential advantages of a commitment to the Living Wage, but further work will be needed to explore the implications of accreditation before Council can make a final decision.”

Oxford dominates the Varsity punt race

William Tomsett
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Oxford dominates the Varsity punt race

A gloriously sunny day in Cambridge saw the Oxford Punt Racing team surge to a convincing victory over the Tabs this week on their home ground.

Arriving in Grantchester Meadows, just outside of the Cambridge town center, the Oxford side were somewhat confused by the emptiness of the venue. Where were the legions of adoring fans? Where were the millions of spectators coming to watch this most glorious of sports? More to the point – where was the Cambridge team?

As it turned out the Cambridge side was an hour late for a reason – they had underestimated how long it would take to punt everyone up to the race course venue. This rather strange oversight from a group of elite punters was to prove ominous.

As with the last punt race held in 2007 (which resulted in a Tab victory which the Oxford team were keen to avenge), the race format consisted of two simultaneous races in different directions – an ‘A’ race upstream and a ‘B’ race downstream – each course being about 300 meters long. The initial pair of races resulted in a tie, as Oxford won the B race and Cambridge won the A race. This loss was due to the narrowness of the B race course, which benefited the more aggressive Cambridge’s team’s policy of shunting our punts against the bank to win an advantage as we attempted to extricate ourselves from the various nettles on the river bank.

The second pair of races saw Oxford’s Danny Tipping against Cambridge’s James Wright on the A course, and Oxford’s Chloe Ingersent against Cambridge’s Nick Morris on the B course. The B race course once again proved fatally narrow as a close race saw Oxford inch closer and closer to Cambridge on the way back after a dodgy spin, but the Cambridge pair proved stronger and ultimately claimed the win on this occasion.

The A race, however, once again resulted in a convincing Oxford victory as Cambridge punted into the bank. This took the score to an again equal 2-2, and a lead was not solidified in the next pair of races, which once again saw Cambridge win the B race and Oxford win the A race. The score now stood at 3-3, which was starting to worry an Oxford team which had considered itself the stronger side. Were the Cambridge team really our equals? The tense situation was not helped by a rather large argument breaking out on the banks of the river after this pair of races when some water gun attacks by the Oxford paddlers on the Cambridge team during the race did not go down well. This resulted in the umpires being asked to make a decision as to whether or not water cannons are fair play within the rules of gentlemanly conduct (they are).

However, in the fourth and final pair of races Oxford’s Richard Tanburn and Michael Shaw won both their races against a valiant effort by the Cambridge punts, and stepped off their vessels to cheers as the final score now stood at 5-3, a convincing Oxford lead – but Cambridge could still pull it back and win in the final race, which was worth 3 points. It was still all to play for as we selected our five fastest punters for the relay race which the final consisted of.

Consistently strong punting by the Oxford team left Cambridge many lengths behind us after the first few laps, and a fast and well-managed switch of punters as the baton was passed for the relay also benefited the Oxford team.

Yet disaster struck in the third lap of the course, as a paddler moving around in the boat caused Oxford punter Florence Avery to drop her pole in an error not normally seen at such high levels of the sport. Caring not for her own safety and putting the interests of the team above her own, Ms Avery jumped into the river and swam to get the pole, before continuing to punt the rest of the course soaking wet. This quick thinking  probably saved Oxford from being overtaken by Cambridge, who were coming close up behind – but their next punter was not so strong, and resulted in Oxford lengthening the lead convincingly as Cambridge consistently rowed into the bank.

The final punter, Danny Parrot, sailed convincingly back to the finish line as Cambridge were still struggling to turn upriver – a convincing margin of victory which took the final score to 8-3. After a celebratory chorus of ‘I would rather be a leper than a Tab’, the Oxford team were presented with a prize by the Cambridge Punting President, and headed off to the pub to celebrate their victory.

World Cup Special: Confessions of a Fantasy Footballer

Tom Calver
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World Cup Special: Confessions of a Fantasy Footballer

As of Wednesday morning, I am currently in the middle of pre-tournament preparation, having spent weeks mentally training for the start of this summer’s most emotionally harrowing sporting tournament.

I know that “finals” and “coursework” are just covers, excuses to explain away the bags under my friends’ eyes – they have been training hard for this competition for some time, and it shows. If we could attribute words to the nervous glances over the top of laptop screens in the Rad Cam, they’d speak of the frustrations of having to decide between a 3-5-2 or 4-4-2, or having to deal with the stress of squeezing Iniesta, Di Maria and Yaya Toure into midfield on a paper-thin budget.

Surely Socrates and Nietzche would have scratched their heads if asked whether it’s wise to blow the budget on a front three of Neymar, Messi, and Ronaldo. I am nearly certain that Keynes would struggle to master the obviously insanely complex algorithm that determines Adam Lallana’s £0.1M price rise, while Hippocrates would have done well to guide us on whether Oxlade-Chamberlain will be fit in time to warrant a place in my squad.

It’s a “funny old game”, fantasy football (thanks Kev). It most potently reveals its power when you find yourself actually hoping that Mario Balotelli manages to smack a 30-yard volley past Joe Hart, or when you pray that Uruguay’s Diego Godin keeps a clean sheet against the mighty three lions, your mind raging with the conflicts of national pride versus fantasy team glory.

I wasn’t taking selfies next to Jacky Wilshire on the England plane. I’m not going to be on any plane heading anywhere near Brazil over the next few weeks – the furthest south-west I’ll be going is Castle Wetherspoons.

Yet thanks to some beautiful bloke named Wilfred “Bill” Winkenbach (an American businessman, thanks Wikipedia) I’ll be watching all 64 games with an avid attention – noting with a Wenger-esque scrupulousness the number of tackles Johan Djourou puts in, or wincing with every missed opportunity for an assisted goal by Andrea Pirlo.

So when your lowly sweepstake team Costa Rica bows out at the group stages, when England gracelessly lose to Portugal on penalties in the first knockout round, and when the quarter finals end in a string of dull one-nillers, you can thank fantasy football for maintaining the excitement of the tournament, helping you to cheer when Bruno Alves keeps a clean sheet in an otherwise dire third-place playoff.

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