Sunday 26th April 2026
Blog Page 1484

The Student View: Online dating

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It might feel like we’ve only just got rid of our holiday hangovers (if not the extra weight),but businesses all over the country are eagerly stocking shelves with all things pink and overpriced in anticipation of Valentine’s Day.

With the date falling on a Friday this year, many a student will again find themselves attending whatever traffic light/lock-and-key party is offered by ever-inventive club promoters. Some see these events being as pointless as they are predictable, because students don’t need much encouragement to lock lips with a stranger to the romantic sways of Lil Wayne. But whatever your take on the consumer cringe fest that is 14th February, students are starting to play the dating game by different rules.

According to a 2010 survey, only 20% of female and 17% of male students in the UK expected or even hoped to meet their life partners at university. This suggests an emphasis on casual relationships and that, by deductive reasoning, there must be an awful lot of us here in Oxford aiming for either a Blue or a First.

Clubbing dominates the nightlife at most universities and the combination of beer goggles and conversation-crushing speakers is hardly conducive to a search for lasting love. You’d be hard pushed to find any student headed to Wahoo with hopes of finding “The One”; night-time encounters tend to mean short-term, lasting for hours or even minutes.

And, apparently, this scenario is more than satisfying for many students, since we continue to make up the lion’s share of clubs’ custom. But since the decline of the pub, there are many looking for a new way to meet people in a somewhat less intense environment.

Enter Tinder – the mobile app which has sparked a craze. Spreading like wildfire from California, the site has averaged over two and half million daily users since the beginning of the year.

This new dating app gets users to select or reject nearby singles based on pictures and mutual interests, which it finds via Facebook. It is not the first popular app with the aim of improving its users’ love lives. Grindr, Tinder’s lustier, male-only predecessor, has been around since 2009.

Meeting your partner online can still have a stigma in some circles, but developments like Tinder might be a step in the direction of change. Dubbed “shallow” by some, but “no-nonsense” by others, the app has been successful in capturing the attention of its 18 -to35-year-old target audience and in normalising the kind of match making that has been smirked at for years.

Dating services made the leap from the back pages of newspapers to the forefront of the web a long time ago and recent figures show that over one fifth of new relationships in the UK begin online.

Online dating website eHarmony, though miles away from the non-committal platforms of Tinder and Grindr, has been responsible for nearly 4% of recent US marriages and matches users based on personality profiles.

A single friend recently remarked that the dating culture at university is “practically non-existent”. This certainly doesn’t have to be the case. Maybe it’s time for our generation to begin to embrace the technological alternative.

Interview: Mark Littlewood

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When I arrive at the offices of the Institute of Economic Affairs (IEA) to interview Mark Littlewood, they are a hive of activity. The IEA, a free-market think tank, was founded in 1955 after one of its founders, Anthony Fisher, became acquainted with the economist Friedrich Hayek. Fisher was eager to promote free-market ideas and came to Hayek to ask how he could do so. Hayek suggested that he should ignore politicians and instead reach out to intellectuals – and so the IEA was born.

Littlewood has been Director General of the think tank since December 2009, having worked in the past at the human rights group Liberty and as Head of Media for the Liberal Democrats. However, he began the “intellectual journey” which led him to become a libertarian when he was reading PPE at Balliol.

Talking about his Oxford experience, Littlewood is scathing of the politicised nature of the JCR at the time. “Part of it was preposterous. You know, let us write to the President of Guatemala pledging solidarity or something, which I thought was a complete waste of time– a waste of a stamp. It was frivolous, stupid, sixth form debating society stuff.” Bearing this in mind, I ask whether he saw any joke candidates while he was at Oxford. “No, in my experience of Balliol JCR elections, they were pretty damn serious. Turnout for the JCR presidential election was something like 80 per cent – it was higher than for a general election. It was an enormously politicised environment.”

Littlewood is unusual amongst political commentators for wanting a higher rate of government cuts. He argues if the public were aware of the extent of state spending, they would want to reduce it. “If you look back at the UK during our highest period of growth, the state accounted for about 10 per cent of GDP in Victorian times. The former Soviet Union, most economists agree, had a state sector which accounted for about 70 per cent of national income. In broad terms, we were touching 50 percent. Now, we’re in the mid to high forties. So we have decided we want a state sector that is slightly closer in size to the Soviet Union than the fastest growing economies in the world.”

“If most people knew that the state accounted for about half of what we’re spending in Britain, they would be horrified and it does seem to me that the basic essentials, including a welfare safety net, can be provided for a proportion of what we’re presently spending.”

He does not suggest the state should be unexpectedly cut tomorrow. “I don’t think you can suddenly announce the abolishment of the state pension system.” He continues, “I would want to return to the core principles of the Beveridge Report: that welfare should be aimed at a subsistence level and in normal circumstances be temporary.”

This remains a minority view, but it is becoming increasingly popular. I raise with him the extent of the growth of libertarianism in the UK. “It does seem to have been growing, and we’ve been doing everything we can to marshal that support and not steer it, as such, but make sure it is resourced.” The number of ways the IEA has contributed to this growth is impressive. The IEA spends about a quarter of its income on student outreach. This ranges from giving out free copies of Hayek’s The Road to Serfdom to helping establish the Liberty League (a confederation of Hayek and freedom societies). The IEA also funds the Freedom Forum, a gathering for undergraduates who are involved in Hayek societies. “The first one, three or four years ago, was attended by about 70 or 80 people. I think last year’s was attended by about 200 people and at the one this year, we’re expecting about 350 people.” Reflecting on this success, he says, “I think I’d be much less lonely on campus, if I was at Oxford today, than I was in the early 1990s.”

Littlewood sees the role of the IEA as providing “the intellectual equipment” to facilitate the growth of this movement. “Whether they become MPs, journalists, businessmen, authors, filmmakers or whatever – my view is that we need libertarians everywhere. We’ve got to find the brightest and the best young people who are on our side and give them every source of encouragement in their careers and in their intellectual thinking.” This is quite a risky strategy for a think tank to pursue, because it does not yield easily measurable results.

I ask him whether he sees the emergence of UKIP as part of this trend. He says that, strictly speaking, the answer is no. “Their broad instincts on the economy are in a free market direction – I don’t know whether they will stick with the flat tax idea, but their instincts are in the direction of a much smaller state. They are particularly impressive in the area of lifestyle freedoms. They have cornered the market in being pro-freedom to smoke, drink or rock ‘n’ roll. Farage himself is practically a libertarian. I think you have to distinguish the leader from the party. I know some people say they are one and the same; I don’t buy that. Farage himself is unambiguously the most libertarian mainstream politician in Britain – I mean he wants to end the war on drugs.”

Littlewood is as much a social libertarian as he is an economic libertarian. He recalls speaking at the youth conference of UKIP and saying something he suspected would get him booed. “I went and said, I think you’re wrong on immigration. Why should the state control people’s movement? You believe in the free movement of capital and don’t believe in the introduction of exchange controls. But why do you think, when it suddenly comes to the free movement of labour, that there should be a state imposed cap?” The reaction he got was the opposite to what he had expected. “I think Young Independence, the youth wing of UKIP are very libertarian leaning. There is a good chance UKIP will emerge as a fully-fledged, classical liberal party.”

It remains to be seen whether Littlewood and the IEA’s strategy to expand libertarianism in the UK will succeed. “We’re probably going to have to wait two decades, before we start shifting the climate of opinion”, he says. Regardless, Littlewood remains optimistic.

“It’s extremely unlikely that I’ll be the Director General when the rewards of these efforts are reaped. But it’s a crucial thing for think tanks to do – whether of our orientation or not.”

Preview: Tartuffe

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Moliere‘s Tartuffe, a satire of religious zeal, contains some fairly dark moments. Motivated by lust and greed, a supposedly religious man worms his way into the heart of a patriarch, and begins to wreak havoc amongst the members of his family. Thankfully, Pumpkin Soup’s adaptation turnes the comic volume on Moliere’s script all the way up, making Tartuffe look set to be a light-hearted, hilarious delight come opening night.

This preview demonstrated superb casting and talented actors. Bria Thomas plays the astute housemaid Dorine with a jovial intelligence that commands the audience’s attention, and Joshua Wilce’s adorable rendition of the gullible stick-in-the-mud Orgon will make you want to hug and slap him at the same time. The titular Tartuffe is played by Tommy Siman to sinuous perfection; he slithers across the stage, flirting and prostrating with an obsequiousness that is fascinating to watch. Directors Fay Lomas and Benedict Nicholson have chosen a minimalist set with just a couple pieces of furniture, but the quality of their actors will be more than enough to keep everyone entertained.

Acting isn’t the only thing that this production has going for it. Careful direction by Lomas and Nicholson lends the entire play an airy, fluid feel. Scene transitions this slick and blocking this polished is rare for a preview of a production that has had only a little over a week to rehearse. Look out for a wonderful scene where Tartuffe attempts to seduce Orgon’s wife, Elmire (Alma Prelec). The action takes place around, on, and almost below a table, with Lomas and Nicholson utilising more dimensions of  space than seems possible around such a tiny prop. The result is an extended, dialogue-filled scene which  never becomes dull; each character has been instructed to move with purpose and does so with confidence.

I noted a few minor errors – some of the comic notes fall a little flat, and the cast seems a little uneven in terms of confidence when muttering asides, but I have no doubt that the directors will iron these wrinkles out by opening night. Come and see Tartuffe in 3rd week – I won’t be the one hiding under the table.

Tartuffe will be on at the Corpus Christi Auditorium, Corpus Christi College, in 3rd week. 

Debate: Should you give directly to the homeless?

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Yes

As I was leaving my department building at the end of last term, I was surprised to find two homeless men standing over my bike in deep discussion.

Having already had a bike stolen from the St. Giles area, I was naturally suspicious of their attention. I asked them sharply what they were doing. One of the men, answering frankly, told me that my bike was not secure, and that all someone needed to do was release the front wheel and walk away with a moderately valuable frame. He went on to tell me that certain components of my bike were ideal for a project he was putting together with “reconstituted” parts. “This is my job,” he shrugged finally –it was clear that this was more about survival.

Handing out spare change to beggars comes with its own set of problems. Bob Price, Leader of the Oxford City Council, has said that alcoholism and drug abuse are two of the issues which make dealing with homelessness so complicated. Many of us are instilled with the belief that money handed over to rough sleepers will invariably be spent on unhealthy addictions. But, in Oxford just as elsewhere, it is still essential that homeless people can hope to make a small income from donations from the public.

For one, the 56 beds at O’Hanlon House, the shelter operated by Oxford Homeless Pathways, are almost always full, according to Chief Executive Lesley Dewhurst. The shelter is even prepared to offer floor space when temperatures drop below freezing for three nights in a row. But with austerity cuts of up to 40% expected to hit very soon, it is likely that the growing number of homeless people in Oxford will be forced to pay for accommodation elsewhere.

Figures show that there were 19people sleeping rough in Oxford in November 2013, compared with 12the previous year.

Monetary handouts are a short-term solution which can only be effective when employed in tandem with the work of charitable organisations, offering support to those overcoming addictions or illnesses.

But, as Mark Johnson of the Guardian (a rehabilitated drug user and former rough sleeper) argued in2012, every donation by a member of the public to a homeless person helps to prevent a crime.

If we are feeling charitable enough to hand over a few coins to a less fortunate individual, do we automatically have the right to dictate how that money should be spent? Whether it goes towards a hot dinner or heroin is not necessarily any of our business: we can still be pleased that we have alleviated an individual’s need to resort to theft to meet the same ends.

Back in 2000, the Labour government’s ‘Change a Life’ campaign, which discouraged members of the public from making small hand-outs to the homeless, was condemned as a failure by major charities including Shelter and Crisis. Oxford City Council’s policy makers seem oblivious to this failing.

Giving directly to the homeless will not turn their lives around, but it will prevent them from turning to crime until they are ready to seek the social support they need.

Louee Dessent-Jackson

No

While giving money directly to the homeless might feel like a moral imperative, it is actually counterproductive. Giving money will often merely contribute to prolonging rough sleepers’ terrible situation.

Homelessness has recently made headlines in Oxford – Cherwell recently reported that the number of rough sleepers increased by more than 50% since 2012, and the City Council recently pledged a £235,000fund meant to ensure that no one spend two consecutive nights on the street – but it is clear that this problem is far from anything new.

Writing on this same issue in 1891 Oscar Wilde came to the same conclusion; people who give directly to the homeless “very seriously and very sentimentally set themselves to the task of remedying the evils that they see. But their remedies do not cure the disease: they merely prolong it. Indeed, their remedies are part of the disease.”

The reality is that the way to help the homeless is not to give money directly to them. There are several reasons for this. Over 65% of American homeless people, according to a US Department of Urban Housing and Development report, have chronic drug or alcohol problems. Last year, the anti-begging campaign “Your Kindness Could Kill” attended Freshers’ Fairs at Oxford and Oxford to encourage students to give money to the Oxford Homeless Medical Fund instead of to those begging on the streets.

Seeing as the homeless generally have no practical way to save money, most money earned will be spent very quickly, and often on the same drugs or alcohol that stop homeless people, or those who work with them, from improving their situation. Giving money to the homeless is an admirable act, but studies show that improving their situation comes not just from giving them money, but from the resources and funds with which measurable improvements can be made in their lives.

Anything from new clothes, to rent money, to job or skills training will show a genuine improvement in their living conditions, and contribute to getting them off the streets. Giving money risks doing the opposite.

But one of the most insidious effects of giving money to those who beg is how it incentivises people from improving their lives.

We generally don’t give to beggars indiscriminately, but based on the perceived level of their need. They are more likely to let their appearance or situation deteriorate, in the knowledge that our sympathy will increase. It’s a vicious cycle.

As Wilde says, “it is easier to have sympathy with suffering than with thought.” The way to help the homeless, if one is serious about it, is to donate to a homeless shelter, a homelessness charity, or even volunteer to help, yourself. Giving directly to the homeless is merely a salve on our own consciences.

It makes us think that we’ve given our requisite pound for the day and that we can forget about the social ills around us. But it is counter productive. Though well intentioned, giving directly is part of the problem, not the solution.

Nick Mutch

Bargain Bin: Vanilla Ice – To The Extreme

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When Glee’s cover of a pop classic is more entertaining than the original, you know it’s bad. Those were my thoughts when I heard ‘Ice, Ice, Baby’, the opening track from To The Extreme by the infamous Vanilla Ice.

I found this shit heap in a shoebox at a giant flee market in Copenhagen for less than a quid. This is an album that manages the difficult task of being not only cripplingly awful, but quite possibly the most snooze-inducing piece of rubbish hip hop has ever produced.

I know, I know: it’s cliché to hate on Mr Ice, but in my mind I had remembered him as being at least catchy and kitsch, instead he’s mindnumbingly boring. ‘Ice, Ice, Baby’ was the first hip-hop track to enter the Billboard 100 and dominates the album.

Track seven is one of the only other singles, ‘Play That Funky Music’, but it has a weird echoey ring in the background that either sounds like post-coital snoring or an alarm clock. Then there’s the high degree of irritation one feels at a) his rapping skills, b) his misogyny and apparent poor sexual technique, and c) his constant need to reassert his skin colour.

A more half-arsed album is difficult to imagine.

Subverse Radio: Musical Marginalia

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Subverse Radio – founded by James Shirley, Maria Fred Perevedentseva, Harry Scholes and Alex Hinkson – has been making ripples on the Oxford scene for over a year now. “When we started, we were kind of on the fringe,” says Harry. “Most Oxford nights at the time gravitated towards the bassier end of the spectrum, but we were, and always will be, House.”

Now, of course, House music seems to be the go-to genre for all the nights on in town. “But it’s funny because we still seem to be on the fringe,” Maria confirms.

It’s hard to deny that their sound has matured, into something more polished over the year; I ask them if their attitudes have similarly changed. “Not really,” says James, “our goal has always been to bring the best House and techno to Oxford.” Alex adds, “We’re in a lucky position where we can invite our favourite DJs to play at the night – not just international ones but our local heroes too.”

They continue by discussing the benefits and difficulties of catering for bigger names. “We have to be careful,” Harry affirms. “Booking Levon (Vincent, 7th week’s headliner) isn’t exactly a smart move financially. The Cellar’s capacity is small, it’s a Wednesday night, and we’re charging a fiver for one of the biggest DJs in the world!”

I note that meeting big names must be intimidating. “You picture your favourite DJs, those nondescript figures behind an oppressive booth. But then you meet them, have dinner, and realise how human they are, how they light up when talking about tunes. It’s awesome,” says James. “We probably should have found these experiences more intimidating. We ate with Tama Sumo – an absolute hero of mine – and listened to her accounts of the Berlin scene in the ’90s.”

Next I ask whether they’ve ever had a negative experience with a guest. Alex responds, “We’re not mentioning any names! But if we have someone who turns up ten minutes before their set and bounces straight after, it doesn’t do much good for the vibe or our stress levels.” So what makes a successful night? “It relies on there being common purpose,” says Maria. “Knowing our guests are there because they want to be, and letting them know that they’re wanted, and that’s something the crowd can sense.”

They admit that every part of the process has been a learning curve, not least with the radio side of things. “At the beginning, Maria and I were broadcasting together,” says Alex, “but we quickly realised that we wanted to do different things.” “That’s the thing about a continuous engagement with music,” Maria adds. “Your palette will change but the filtering process is constant.”

James and Harry, who were broadcasting on Oxide before Subverse was born, are changing tack in 2014. “We’re going to look at the formative works of electronic music, really go back to the roots,” James explains. Harry adds, “Radio is the perfect platform for exploring the more experimental parts of your collec- tion. It’s easy to become obsessed with flawless transitions, but you run the risk of your sound becoming stale and one-dimensional.”

They’re clearly excited about the upcoming term. “We love the guys who broadcast for us,” James says. “They’re all individual, and they’re doing what they want. We’ve never tried to dictate what or how they play. All we’ve done is give them a platform to do their thing. There’s a lot of love here.”

Subverse Radio broadcasts Wednesday – Sunday from 8-10pm. Subverse Presents runs on Wednesday of odd weeks.

Interview: Kris Hallenga

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Since being diagnosed with stage four breast cancer in her early twenties, Kris Hallenga has made it her mission to stamp out late detection of the disease. Her charity CoppaFeel! aims to raise awareness of the signs and symptoms ofbreast cancer among young women, and to highlight the importance of checking their breasts regularly. I talk to Kris about the success of CoppaFeel!, and why educating people about cancer from a young age is so important.

Since founding CoppaFeel! with her sister Maren in 2009, the charity has gone from strength to strength, massively expanding its work over the last few years. Not that Kris expected such rapid success from the outset: “I didn’t really know what to expect. I was doing something that’s quite different from what I was doing before, but when I saw how it captured people’s imagination I realised I was onto a winner! The fact that I had no background in PR or things like that meant I really didn’t know what to expect, so it came as an awesome and pleasant surprise – although I was always determined to make it as successful and big as possible.”

Astonishingly, Kris founded CoppaFeel! scarcely a month after being diagnosed with breast cancer herself, aged 23. She tells me that she wanted to do it because “it was an issue so prominent in my mind given my recent diagnosis, and the way I’d been told I was too young for the disease. I was frustrated about the many factors which had contributed to my late diagnosis, and I just needed something other than treatment to focus on. Suddenly back living with my mum, going to hospital every week, the charity idea seemed like a brilliant way to focus my mind on what was happening to me. I found that actually finding a solution to the problem was probably the best way around it.”

After being diagnosed, Kris wanted CoppaFeel! to target young people in
particular. “We learn so much when we’re young. That’s when we pick up the most important life lessons, and it’s incredibly important for young people torealise how useful it is to get to know their bodies – to help prevent any cancer, not just breast cancer. As children we learn to crossthe street safely, and that’s not just to protect you there and then, it’s a lesson for life. It’s about teaching people good habits before fear kicks in. I hear of a lot of people who are in their 30s but avoid checking their boobs because they’re afraid offinding something, because they’re more likely to have had someone in their life suffer from the disease. Whereas we speak to 16-year-olds, who may have had grandmothers or mothers diagnosed with the disease, but who are much more fearless and more susceptible to new ideas and learning new habits – good and bad!

“If we can instil the message from a young age, we can instil healthy habits for
life. Why wait until you’re older to start doing something which could potentially save your life? We shouldn’t just wait until we get our letters inviting us to a mammogram – a lot of breast cancer is found through self-detection.”

The charity aims to raise awareness of the ease with which women can check their own breasts and detect the early signs of cancer, Kris says. “It’s so easy to check yourself. Unfortunately, lots of people think there’s a really regimented and tricky way of doing it, but it is just a case of getting to know your boobs, what they look and feel like and having a good look and a good feel – however you want to do it. The logical time to do it would be in the shower because you’re naked anyway. Just try to notice any changes, and if there’s anything there that’s abnormal for you, go and get it checked out straight away. Also, remember that breast tissue goes right up to your armpits and your collarbone, so have a good check all over your chest.”

What’s striking about CoppaFeel!, from its very name to its fundraising events (‘Bikin’ for Boobies’ and ‘Joggin’ for Jugs’), is the irreverent humour it employs to reach out to young people. “I think our brand is young and fun and light-hearted because that’s the kind of messaging our target demographic respond to. It’s far more effective than going down the scare tactic route. Most of the time we’re talking about boobs and not necessarily about breast cancer – we want them to get to know and love their boobs!

“We’re not denying that this is a horrible disease. Obviously the founder (me) is a sufferer and has to deal with it cancer’s painful realities every single day. However, I also know that people don’t have to be in my position; people can actually find breast cancer at a time when it can be treated successfully and then get on with their lives. It’s not necessarily as deadly as we perhaps fear, or as is sometimes portrayed in the media.”

Since she founded CoppaFeel!, Kris has been invited to Downing Street and won a Pride of Britain award,but it’s not these glitzy events that make her work worthwhile: “I think my personal highlight is actually hearing that people have taken our message on board, and that it has potentially saved their life incase where they have got a diagnosis early. That for me is the pay off to every stressful situation: every time I’m working late or I feel like I just hate my job – success stories allow everything to make sense again.”

In the next few months, CoppaFeel! is launching a series of fundraising lectures, the first of which takes place on February 4th at the Hoxton Hotel inLondon. Kris explains, “I’ve done lots oftalks myself and I can see the impact that they have on people’s lives. Lots of people have good stories and we just want to spread a little bit of positive spirit. It’s something we’ve never done before, and we think people will be interested in them; there are lots of very inspiring people in this world and we just want to showcase that. It’s a fundraiser for CoppaFeel but it’s also something people can learn a lot from.”

2014 is set to be a big year for Kris and the charity, with a new documentary already recorded which charts Kris’ desire to bring cancer education into schools. “We want to make sure cancer education is happening during the school day. It should be wedged into people’s lives from a young age and, given young people are in schools, it makes sense.”

The charity is also pioneering another innovative textile-based initiative. Kris
tells me, “We want to make sure our labelsare in all bras – it’s our ‘Bra Hijack’. We want to remind more people of our message through the strategic placing of labels in bras. The hope is that when women are putting their bras on they get a quick reminder to have a check of their boobs. As you can probably tell, we’re really engaged in finding new and interesting ways ofreminding people to do that.”

As this interview demonstrates, another major aim for Coppafeel! is to reach out to more students. This is a priority for Kris. “We’ve got new people starting at the charity this year and there are lots of new opportunities. We’re only at 55 universities so far, so we’re unfortunately only touching about a third. We’d love to have some presence in all of them soon.Wherever there are young people, we want to be there helping them out.

CoppaFeel ’s student-run Oxford Boob Team went university wide last
term. Their aim is to get to as many JCR Welfare Teas as possible. The Boob Team will also be PhotoBoobing in the Coppa Feel Boob Suits by the RadCam and on Cornmarket on Saturday of 3rd week to raise awareness, and running fund-raising Zumba classes in 5th week.

Text ‘OXFORD’ to 70500 to receive a free monthly reminder to check your boobs.

Cherwell Culture Tries…Battle Rap

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During pre-drinks, I am often to be found alone in my room, hunched over a squawking laptop and slurping Lambrini in the dark. It is with only the slightest spasm of embarrassment that I admit I commonly eschew social interaction in order to watch grown men trade insults through the medium of extended metaphor, multisyllabic rhyme and elaborate mum jokes.

Don’t Flop, the UK’s leading rap battle league, recently celebrated its fifth birthday with a 2-day extravaganza for a crowd of over a thousand in Leeds. I might forget my mum’s birthday every year, but there was no way I was going to miss this. A £45 entrance fee and a gruelling 6-hour journey on Megabus surrounded by a bevy of cackling Scousers was a small price to pay for me to fulfil my lifelong dream of watching people I’ve never met threaten to shoot one another with guns they probably don’t own.

The event was as well-organised as you would expect for a company run exclusively by heavy weed smokers in their early twenties. I spent most of the four-hour delay on the first day feeling faintly uneasy about how my Youtube hobby was translating to reality. Given the almost exclusively male turnout, the strong smell of skunk and the obsessive statistical analysis in the smoking area, there didn’t seem to be a whole lot separating this event from an IRL meet-up for World of Warcraft aficionados.

Then the battles started and all my existential worries vanished in a puff of acapella aggression. Most of the Don’t Flop roster work day jobs as shelf-stackers, bus drivers and small-time drug dealers, but to me each rapper looked like Jay-Z, Mike Tyson and Lawrence Olivier rolled into one snapback-wearing demigod. It is occasionally tricky to get through customs when your job description is “threatening to shoot people in the head in return for a cash payment”, but when those international performers who did make it across the border took to the stage I was delirious with excitement (though admittedly also a little high on the thick Lynx fumes billowing from every armpit in the crowd). 

When Mos Prob proposed to his girlfriend live on stage, or Psychosis Holochaust came within a hairsbreadth of punching Unanymous, the room held its breath and released it as one. I was already familiar with these rappers’ lexical dexterity (and with their truly awful names) from Youtube. But far more than is the case even with live music, something is lost in the transition from stage to screen. Battle rap teeters between performance art and reality, and this tension is largely dissipated when filtered through tinny laptop speakers.

Like a giddy toddler sent to bed early after drinking too much birthday pop, I lay in bed that night unable to sleep, fantasising about saying unpleasant things to a terrifying man from Brooklyn about his grandmother.  Perhaps the closest I will ever really get to a rap battle is a civilised debate about current affairs over tea and cake, but seeing Don’t Flop live turned my already obsessive hobby into a raging addiction.