Sunday, May 18, 2025
Blog Page 1908

Intoxficated

0

Morning all. It’s good to be back in the city of dreaming spires and perspiring dreams. This week’s tipple of choice is whisky, or whiskey if we’re drinking the Irish stuff. First, however, a warning: whisky appreciation is a fine pursuit, perhaps even a noble one, but only if done consensually and practiced behind closed doors. Single malts are very much of the same school as cravats, moustaches, and cigars – a lot of fun but inherently risible.

I don’t have the space or the inclination to write in detail about the technicalities of whisky. Broadly speaking, there’s blended whisky, a blend of malt and grain whisky e.g. Bell’s or Famous Grouse, and there’s single malt, which comes from a single distillery and is the stuff people fuss over – the distinctive taste comes from the fact that peat fires are used to dry the malted barley. Highland Park 12 I find is a very good reasonably priced benchmark, but I’d shop around Oddbins who usually have a couple of good deals. If you’re really interested in whisky though, I’d recommend going to the Whisky Shop on Turl Street. The owner is friendly, knowledgeable and very happy to come and give JCR tastings.
I must admit though that I usually drink whisky with ginger ale, the blended stuff of course. It’s a fantastic drink, giving a bit of oomph and a bit of depth to a standard ginger ale, and really takes the edge of your thirst. The problem is that it slips down so quickly that you have to order a beer or something with it to avoid repeat visits to the bar.

Another good use of whisky is the Hot Toddy. Mix equal amounts of whisky and boiling water, add a teaspoon of honey, a slice of lemon and a cinnamon stick and cloves. Sip with care as it needs to be boiling hot. I’m told that the Toddy is very good for curing colds and sore throats, but I think it’s much better sipped beside the braziers in the Turf. Enjoy.

ITV, as easy as ABC?

0

Michael Jermey has undoubtedly had continued success in both his careers at ITN and more recently at ITV, culminating in his recent victory in being selected as one of the three broadcasters to transmit the televised election debates. A former student of Brasenose and editor of, you guessed it, Cherwell during the 80s, he has had the career that every young journalist aspires to. Today, with so many of us leaving Oxford and going straight into great money in finance and law, I thought I’d find out a little more about an industry that isn’t shouted about on the Milk Round, and of course delve into Jermey’s recent success with the TV debates, and his own experiences at Oxford.

Jermey may have left university around 25 years ago but I wanted to find out how he started his career back in the 80s; has that much really changed, or do the core values still apply when striving for a job in journalism? ‘I wanted to go into journalism before I went to Oxford and all the time I was in Oxford, and I was absolutely committed to a career in journalism. It was difficult then, as it is now; I wrote hundreds of letters to every media outlet I could think of. I got hundreds of rejections. I was eventually very lucky to be taken on as the most junior current affairs researcher at central television. I started at current affairs; I was then fortunate to get a place as a trainee on the ITN trainee scheme. That was, at that time, a great grounding in television journalism- ITN gave me enormous opportunities over the years to follow.

‘The advice I would give to people wanting to go into journalism now is follow their dream. Volunteer to work wherever you can, get whatever grounding you can. I think there are a number of very good post-graduate courses now, and if it’s what you want to do and you’re persistent enough about it, and you have some ability, you will succeed. Those first steps in are tough, but you need persistence and dedication to it.’

Yet things have certainly changed; we have moved from daily news updates being an innovation to constant interactivity through the internet and social networking- the place for TV news journalism is surely diminishing. When I asked Jermey if there would always be a place for TV news, he quickly qualified, ‘Always is a long word’. But did current times show that the market for TV news was falling and would indeed continue to fall?

‘I think one of the interesting things is that during the era of massive growth in digital and social media there is still an awful lot of television. Television viewing is not dropping. In fact people are spending more time interacting with different screens through the day. And the fact that you can now get television on the move actually fills in more timing. If you look at a number of the surveys, a number of them actually suggest that television viewing has gone up.

‘I think that people over the years ahead will continue to consume media in developing forms and varying forms. Television itself will change. But I think video as a medium for news will continue forever, whether you call that television news or whether you call that something else. Perhaps that matters rather less, the power of pictures and the ability to communicate information through the combination of words and pictures, which was one of the most powerful developments of the 20th century, I’m sure will continue in varying forms in the 21st.’

Indeed, the TV election debates in which Jermey was heavily involved were followed by people not only on television, but through social networking sites and the internet as well. With about 10 million tuning into ITV’s first election debate, it was an undisputable success, with an audience that could compete with the viewing figures for an England football International:

‘I think they were a great thing for British journalism. People had wanted to have election debates between the leaders at elections right back to the 1960s when the Kennedy/ Nixon debate happened in the States, and somebody at each election had normally resisted- normally the incumbent, normally the prime minister hadn’t seen an advantage in coming down to the same level as their opponents and I think the broadcasters this time persuaded the parties to sign up to an agreement that made the three debates actually happen, which everybody was very pleased about. It was a proud moment for all three broadcasters that there were debates, and that they had such a positive impact on the election. I think people watched them in large numbers and they thought the public debate was really engaging, they thought on television and on other forms of media.’

But Michael Jermey wasn’t always at the forefront of broadcasting innovation; he did his time at Cherwell, editing the paper during 1984, and it would seem some things certainly haven’t changed: ‘ Yeah, during the time I was editor of Cherwell we were threatened with being sued several times. Nobody successfully pursued that, whether that was because ultimately a student newspaper couldn’t damage a reputation or whether it was because they didn’t have a case, I don’t know.’

So it would seem scandal isn’t anything new at Cherwell, although it would appear computers are a relatively new addition, ‘Working on Cherwell was then, as I suspect it is now, a great deal of fun, and the chance to take a first step in journalism, working with other people who had enormous enthusiasm for what we did. And in the era pre mobile phones, pre texting, there was a lot of walking around Oxford to find your sources, to find your interviews, and you put scripts together on typewriters and old-fashioned type-setting rather than on computers. There wasn’t a computer in the Cherwell office in 1984, there probably was within a year or so. You know, it was an exciting time and a time I remember with great fondness, even to this day, and I’ve got friends that I met at either Brasenose or who I met through Cherwell, and I would encourage anybody who’s interested in journalism to work on one the student media outlets at Oxford.’
Michael has come a long way from his days at Oxford and has seen his career soar into success, in a field that is simply the opposite of ‘as easy as ABC’ to break into. However, memories of his time at Oxford are still hard to shake, and we end our conversation with his reflections: ‘The best memories are actually of friends and conversation and the arguing over ideas, and three years when you’re mixing with people who are interested in exploring ideas and different approaches to the world – you might not get that again with that intensity. It is a time I look back on with great fondness and happy memories, and you do make friends who you do know for life.’ I haven’t even left yet and I’m getting nostalgic.

ITV, as easy as ABC?

0

Michael Jermey has undoubtedly had continued success in both his careers at ITN and more recently at ITV, culminating in his recent victory in being selected as one of the three broadcasters to transmit the televised election debates. A former student of Brasenose and editor of, you guessed it, Cherwell during the 80s, he has had the career that every young journalist aspires to. Today, with so many of us leaving Oxford and going straight into great money in finance and law, I thought I’d find out a little more about an industry that isn’t shouted about on the Milk Round, and of course delve into Jermey’s recent success with the TV debates, and his own experiences at Oxford.

Jermey may have left university around 25 years ago but I wanted to find out how he started his career back in the 80s; has that much really changed, or do the core values still apply when striving for a job in journalism? ‘I wanted to go into journalism before I went to Oxford and all the time I was in Oxford, and I was absolutely committed to a career in journalism. It was difficult then, as it is now; I wrote hundreds of letters to every media outlet I could think of. I got hundreds of rejections. I was eventually very lucky to be taken on as the most junior current affairs researcher at central television. I started at current affairs; I was then fortunate to get a place as a trainee on the ITN trainee scheme. That was, at that time, a great grounding in television journalism- ITN gave me enormous opportunities over the years to follow.

‘The advice I would give to people wanting to go into journalism now is follow their dream. Volunteer to work wherever you can, get whatever grounding you can. I think there are a number of very good post-graduate courses now, and if it’s what you want to do and you’re persistent enough about it, and you have some ability, you will succeed. Those first steps in are tough, but you need persistence and dedication to it.’

Yet things have certainly changed; we have moved from daily news updates being an innovation to constant interactivity through the internet and social networking- the place for TV news journalism is surely diminishing. When I asked Jermey if there would always be a place for TV news, he quickly qualified, ‘Always is a long word’. But did current times show that the market for TV news was falling and would indeed continue to fall?

‘I think one of the interesting things is that during the era of massive growth in digital and social media there is still an awful lot of television. Television viewing is not dropping. In fact people are spending more time interacting with different screens through the day. And the fact that you can now get television on the move actually fills in more timing. If you look at a number of the surveys, a number of them actually suggest that television viewing has gone up.

‘I think that people over the years ahead will continue to consume media in developing forms and varying forms. Television itself will change. But I think video as a medium for news will continue forever, whether you call that television news or whether you call that something else. Perhaps that matters rather less, the power of pictures and the ability to communicate information through the combination of words and pictures, which was one of the most powerful developments of the 20th century, I’m sure will continue in varying forms in the 21st.’

Indeed, the TV election debates in which Jermey was heavily involved were followed by people not only on television, but through social networking sites and the internet as well. With about 10 million tuning into ITV’s first election debate, it was an undisputable success, with an audience that could compete with the viewing figures for an England football International:

‘I think they were a great thing for British journalism. People had wanted to have election debates between the leaders at elections right back to the 1960s when the Kennedy/ Nixon debate happened in the States, and somebody at each election had normally resisted- normally the incumbent, normally the prime minister hadn’t seen an advantage in coming down to the same level as their opponents and I think the broadcasters this time persuaded the parties to sign up to an agreement that made the three debates actually happen, which everybody was very pleased about. It was a proud moment for all three broadcasters that there were debates, and that they had such a positive impact on the election. I think people watched them in large numbers and they thought the public debate was really engaging, they thought on television and on other forms of media.’

But Michael Jermey wasn’t always at the forefront of broadcasting innovation; he did his time at Cherwell, editing the paper during 1984, and it would seem some things certainly haven’t changed: ‘ Yeah, during the time I was editor of Cherwell we were threatened with being sued several times. Nobody successfully pursued that, whether that was because ultimately a student newspaper couldn’t damage a reputation or whether it was because they didn’t have a case, I don’t know.’

So it would seem scandal isn’t anything new at Cherwell, although it would appear computers are a relatively new addition, ‘Working on Cherwell was then, as I suspect it is now, a great deal of fun, and the chance to take a first step in journalism, working with other people who had enormous enthusiasm for what we did. And in the era pre mobile phones, pre texting, there was a lot of walking around Oxford to find your sources, to find your interviews, and you put scripts together on typewriters and old-fashioned type-setting rather than on computers. There wasn’t a computer in the Cherwell office in 1984, there probably was within a year or so. You know, it was an exciting time and a time I remember with great fondness, even to this day, and I’ve got friends that I met at either Brasenose or who I met through Cherwell, and I would encourage anybody who’s interested in journalism to work on one the student media outlets at Oxford.’
Michael has come a long way from his days at Oxford and has seen his career soar into success, in a field that is simply the opposite of ‘as easy as ABC’ to break into. However, memories of his time at Oxford are still hard to shake, and we end our conversation with his reflections: ‘The best memories are actually of friends and conversation and the arguing over ideas, and three years when you’re mixing with people who are interested in exploring ideas and different approaches to the world – you might not get that again with that intensity. It is a time I look back on with great fondness and happy memories, and you do make friends who you do know for life.’ I haven’t even left yet and I’m getting nostalgic.

Lecturers speak out for students

0

The president of the lecturers’ union UCU, Alan Whitaker, has signed a letter supporting protesters who attacked the Conservative party HQ last week.

Following the protests on 10 November in London against government proposals to raise university tuition fees, fifty eight people are known to have been arrested, including at least one Oxford University student.

In the statement, signed by twenty four members of the UCU’s national executive, called for academics to “stand with those students who were arrested”.

This comes after a man was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder for throwing a fire extinguisher of the top of Millbank Tower in last week’s protests.

The action met with widespread condemnation from protesters inside Millbank, and shortly after the extinguisher was thrown, a chant went up of “Stop throwing shit!”

Frances Foley, a Philosophy and German student at Wadham, who had been inside Millbank, described how the action was “met with fury” from the crowd below, and how it prompted chanting “more deafening than any of the other slogans of the afternoon.” She said the moment was “shocking, but wholly unrepresentative of the tactics of the demonstrators”.

However, the statement signed by Whitaker, sub-titled “Great Start and No to Victimisations”, called for university staff to “rally behind all who were arrested for fighting to defend their education”.

This is at odds with the UCU’s official line, who had previously condemned the violence as “totally unacceptable”. When asked whether the union’s line had changed in light of its President’s support for the statement, the UCU press officer confirmed that it had not.

He stated that Whitaker had been “speaking in a personal capacity” and was “not endorsed by the union”.

He continued that the UCU “did not condone intimidation, violence, or damage of property.”

However, he did not believe that the conflict of views was an issue for the President. He said that “differences of opinion were not uncommon,” and that “we wouldn’t sack someone for their personal opinion, when the whole point [of UCU] was to fight to defend academics and free speech.”

Yet, the statement signed by the UCU president refused to side with those “who condemn the violence against windows and property but will not condemn or even name the long-term violence of cuts that will scar the lives of hundreds of thousands by denying them access to the education of their choice”.

Unions including the UCU have been criticised for their refusal to support the protesters. In a statement last week, lecturers at Goldsmiths distanced themselves from UCU, condemning “the divisive and, in our view, counter productive statements issued by the UCU and NUS leadership concerning the occupation of the Conservative Party HQ.”

The lecturers at Goldsmiths continued that “the real violence in this situation relates not to a smashed window but to the destructive impact of the cuts and privatisation that will follow if tuition fees are increased and if massive reductions in higher education funding are implemented.”

The government condemned the statement released by the Goldsmiths’ lecturers, saying “Praising violence over peaceful protest is frankly irresponsible.”

However, a feeling that the direct action of protesters at Millbank was justified has been echoed by students at the protest.

Foley argued that “what the Tories are planning for this country renders a few broken windows and a couple of rootless geraniums insignificant to the point of absurdity.”

Get your cyber-coat, you’ve pulled…

0

I think everyone has been in one of those conversations with one of those couples who almost make you feel obliged to ask how they first met. Or maybe lack of conversation has led you to the same easy question. But in the history of this classic Q&A has anyone actually ever been given the reply: “Oh we met on an internet dating website”? I certainly haven’t.

Internet dating is the Voldemort of the dating world; no one speaks of it because of the sheer fear it inspires, in this case the fear of being marked with the scar of complete desperation. For me it conjures up images of balding old men pretending to be the Calvin Klein model they’ve googled and set as their profile picture in order to lure in the younger woman; it should come with the tagline ‘if you can’t date in the real world, try the internet.’

However, nowadays, internet dating gives you everything upfront: your interests and what, or should I say, who, you’re looking for are laid out for all to see. You don’t have to go on several dates to realise you actually have nothing in common and that your respective interests of wrestling and knitting can’t be reconciled.

At the top of the pile there’s match.com, with reportedly over 20 million members and websites in 25 countries covering 8 different languages. But if mainstream isn’t your thing there’s sure to be something to suit your niche. All in the name of good research, I decided to take a look at a few and join some myself. Not for genuine reasons- this was purely experimental (we hope). In my search for the best and most bizarre sites I came across some absolute gems: tallmingle.com described itself as “The best and largest site in the world for meeting tall friends, tall singles, and tall admirers”… “Tall admirers”, since when was that a thing? The idea of an affinity of height meaning an affinity of heart is surely a pretty alien one, but I suppose common ground could be found, complaining about low level ceilings and the price of getting your trousers lengthened and so forth. And admittedly things were about to get more peculiar when I stumbled across womenbehindbars.com – advertising itself as such, “These female prisoners are looking for love, marriage, pen-pals, and a good solid relationship with men and women in the free world. We have had several marriages and countless relationships.”

So you’ve done the crime and now have to pay the time… with a bit of internet dating on the side; surely this wasn’t advertised in court? But this site boasts results, showing the scope of internet dating even in the most adverse situations (plus the lack of a need to actually date people face-to-face does make it ideal for those in jail or under house arrest).

So it was that I found myself signing up to two internet dating sites, having squabbled with my fellow lifestyle editor about who was going to actually do this- when my profiles get found in 10 years time and my (non-existent) career in the public eye is severely damaged, she will be sorry. Or not. I decided to go for the notorious beautifulpeople.com and the less well-known, but equally ridiculous bluesmatch.com, exclusive to those who have been to Oxbridge. One incredibly vain, one incredibly pretentious, what’s not to like?

beautifulpeople.com

As the name suggests, shallow is this website’s middle name. The idea is that you start your profileand go on a trial period when people vote on your photo and decide whether to let you become a full member or not. Thus, in the face of such poor values I decided to make myself incredibly weird (see profile below)…My interests included the sitar and the line “I hope one day to become a professional musician so the world can hear the rhythm of my soul”. And the photo was equally bizarre; I won’t lie I staged it for this occasion, I don’t usually hang out in the sort of garb on exhibit here: a cricketing hat, 80s gilet, size 11 Timberland boots and a leather glove, not to mention the sitar. I didn’t know what this world of ‘beautiful’ people would make of me, I was almost excited about the onslaught. But within minutes of joining I was getting messages on my wall asking me about my sitar, and sharing with me their various musical interests- this was going better than I hoped. Perhaps beautifulpeople.com was a place for people to talk about interests and passions, rather than boast of their good looks and seek to somehow find someone anywhere near equal to their beauty. However, the illusion of this being anything more than a seedy dating site was quickly shattered by an email from a man older than my parents, yes older, with the charming line: “You look sweet in your photo, bet you ain’t just sweet ;)”… Cheeky wink? I’m a third of your age! My mind had been made up: shallow and shady, this was not a place to hang out. And a piece of advice if you’re thinking of joining, do not add your Uni account as your email address… Alongside emails from various tutors I get messages telling me that ‘Eduardo’ has hugged me. I can safely promise you that Eduardo and I have never met, let alone hugged.

bluesmatch.com

So maybe I would have more success with bluesmatch.com. Plus this was the closest chance I’d have to ever having ‘Blue’ anywhere near my name (my sporting talent has shockingly been largely unrecognised at Oxford). The idea at the outset sounds incredibly pretentious: a place for only Oxbridge people to hang out, no riff-raff allowed. And so yet again I created another ridiculous alter-ego (see profile above). This time a Jack Wills (yes , the photo is staged), Kukui V.I.P- maaaate -loving socialite. However, once you joined the website you could sort of see the point, as many people had naturally similar interests and experiences to share. Of course the element of sleaze was still a problem; as a website for people who have been to Oxbridge, not for those who are currently still at it, the clientele was more than a little older than me. Divorced, retired, (almost) OAP, yet still emailing a 20 year old…concerning.

Bluesmatch.com does offer something else though: the chance for the website doing the hard work for you. They offer you matches based on your profile, and have even given me a few 100% compatible options. The first 100% match they gave me was fair enough: a young guy who described himself as ‘sporty but nice’, a good fit for someone who had stated in their profile, ‘I love rugby guys- if you’re not a blue, I’m not interested. LOL.’ Nevertheless, the reliability of bluesmatch’s matching service was about to plummet with the next 100% match putting me, a self-confessed 20 year old party girl in my profile, with a 60 (at best) year old, ‘walker, bridge player, opera buff, gourmet and self-employed legal consultant’. Wow, they’d gone off-piste with that suggestion.
Ultimately, internet dating is more successful for the older
generation, the divorced or retired who don’t get so many opportunities to meet new people, who are interested in the same things or who have shared the same experiences. But here, while you’re at Uni, you’re exposed to new people of your age every day, and quite frankly you’re as likely to find your soul-mate at Fuzzy Ducks as on any of the websites I tried.

Fitties on the Radar

0

A new social networking site styled after FitFinder has been launched, less than six months after FitFinder’s founder Rich Martell was forced to pull the plug on the original website.

The new website fitradar.co.uk has the same functionality as the original, although it is currently limited to Cardiff, Leeds, Manchester, Oxford, Sheffield and York.

The websites, described by Martell as “localised anonymous microblogging”, allow users to anonymously post both a location and a description of attractive people they have seen.

The original FitFinder website became hugely popular, gaining 2,000 users in its first few hours and 20,000 within a week.

Martell, a student at UCL, was forced to take the website down after the university disciplinary officers fined him £300 and threatened to “take disciplinary action” after accusing him of “bringing the University into disrepute.”

Cherwell contacted Dominic Wroblewski, the man behind Fitradar, to ask him if he thought that Fitradar would share the same fate.
Wroblewski, a Computer Science student at the University of Sheffield, said that he was “a little worried” but hoped that “my University is more lenient when it comes to a website such as Fitradar than UCL.”
Wroblewski said that he wanted “to bring back FitFinder, but hopefully improving on it.”

FitRadar has already drawn conflicting opinions from Oxford students. “I think Fitradar is an abomination,” said Joe Stenson, a second year English student at St John’s.

Wroblewski acknowledged that he has received mixed responses, saying that “the initial feedback has been positive”, but that a number of people have said that his idea was “a little creepy”.

Admitting that while there are currently not many to choose from, Wroblewski said that one of his favourite posts was “St Hilda’s College: Male, Blonde hair. In the bar busting some JLS moves, I had to do a double take, could’ve sworn it was (a pale) Aston.”

“Posts like these actually make me laugh out loud and I hope that the rest of the public can enjoy the fun with me.”

As for FitFinder, Martell previously assured Cherwell readers that “When I’m sure my degree is safe in my hand, then …we’re going to improve the site”.

Protests against the loss of Fitfinder have been coordinated online, with one petition gaining over 3,000 signatures on the first day.

The current homepage for the FitFinder website promises that “something special is coming”. In the meantime, the future of Fitradar remains to be seen.

Fitradar is currently appealing for donations from users to “help the website expand to other locations and universities”. The website pledges to use any paypal donations to “pay for better servers and quicker loading times.”

Wroblewski also added that there are possible plans to create accounts to make the website more acceptable to authorities, assuring that users will still be anonymous, but linked with a registered account.

Finalists’ vac res budget cut short

0

Lady Margaret Hall finalists have discovered for the first time this week that only 20,000 will be put towards vacation residence for finalists at the college, less than half of that spent last year.

 

This has caused outrage as LMH students have said they feel ‘tricked’ by their college into living on campus by not being fully informed of these changes in funding.

 

An emergency JCR meeting was held this Monday in which JCR President Jessica Shuman explained that the college was unable to fund the same amount of students to live in residence this Easter Vacation.

 

Shuman told the JCR, ‘the college just have no money,’ and claimed the college wished to instead rent out the students’ rooms to conference guests.

 

This year the amount the college has set aside for vacation residence would finance a maximum of eight vacation days per student, although Senior Tutor Dr Fiona Spensley disclosed to Cherwell that this money would in fact ‘most likely be for financial hardship.’

 

Previously all students had the option of 15 free days of vacation residence in their final year and 10 free days in their penultimate year, a scheme which cost the college �51,000 last year.

 

Shuman explained that this amount had been spent as the new student Finance Officer had not been properly consulted, while Dr Spensley admitted, ‘the college significantly over-spent the agreed funding last year as the demand for vacation residence for students increased.’

 

David Pares, a third year student at LMH, maintains that ‘the line from college that ‘there is no money left’ is not a strong one.’

 

‘Whilst managing the college finances is not the JCR’s responsibility, a decision of this magnitude should have been properly consulted upon before we signed our tenancy agreements this year.’

 

Shuman also claimed in the JCR meeting, ‘This decision was being made three years ago but no one was made aware.’

 

However, Dr Spensley told Cherwell that the fund was always considered temporary by both the JCR and SCR. The JCR representative on the Grants and Bursaries Committee was consulted last Trinity term concerning the review of the system.

 

The student body has sent an open letter to the Senior Tutor expressing their belief that this review will mean unfair advantages for wealthier students.

 

‘Many people will be left in a situation where they cannot afford to revise in the place that would give them the best chance at success. Given the current focus on access, it is unacceptable that academic success will depend on personal financial situations.’

 

Students also drew comparison to other colleges, whose ability to finance vacation residence had drastically affected their position in the Norrington Table.

 

Rory Fazan, a finalist at LMH, said, ‘The college is very conscious of its modest showings in the Norrington Table and puts considerable pressure on students to do well.’

 

‘If league tables are so important to the SCR, they should be encouraging finalists to remain in Oxford for the Easter Vacation, not punishing those who want to study with massive rent charges.’

 

Merton, currently third in the table, offers students thirty days for vacation residence per year while St John’s, in fourth place, can offer twenty-one.

 

Dr Spensley will meet the student body on Friday to ‘explain the situation and hear the students’ concerns as we work on the proposal.’

 

On Monday the students refused to discuss back up plans with the JCR president and were adamant that they would oppose this review. Fazan explained, ‘We need to make sure the JCR Executive keeps pushing the SCR to revert to the old deal on vacation grants. If their first attempts fail, we will demand that they turn up the volume.’

Creaming Spires

0

us. Not Christmas, dear readers, but Queer Bop! My bad, Queer Fest. The latter is the more politically correct name for a night of hedonism, homos and hot, hot sex. In my opinion, the word ‘fest’ conjures up far more disturbing images (largely, who knows why, of a scatological nature) than the rather more incongruous ‘bop’ does, but who asked me? The thing is, it’s not a night of hedonism, is it?

Before my first QB I was promised stray digits on the dancefloor, writhing, mutually-penetrating forms littering the marquee, liberal nakedity, copious drug use – I stress that I was planning on taking part in all of these strictly in a voyeuristic capacity. Honest. But it was essentially like a normal bop, with more feathers. Oh, and lots of corsets, the ubiquitous item of choice for the female QB attendee. So flattering on the hanger, but when the world and his gay lover are all wearing one, cruelly unforgiving to the fat girl, simply by Einstein’s rule of chubby-relativity. He actually thought of that after seeing a heffer in a corset. True fact.

There was a penis-shaped bucking bronco at the first QB, to give it its due. But not even the offer of a cheeky digit. I remember coquettishly – if briefly – grinding against someone with a ginger afro but realising that I was about to be sick and making a swift exit. No point really, is there, if the gag reflex is kaput for the night? Admittedly, last year I saw a tit. At the time I breathlessly surmised that it must have been a daring (if bizarre) costume choice but have since been informed that it was more of a tit-tape issue. Sigh.

It does always seem the way with big, talked-up nights in Oxford. Summer balls, for instance. Drinking all night, luxurious clothes, reckless, moist encounters in the Warden’s garden? No. Reality – walking around college in a nice dress holding a box of sausages that I no longer want to eat yet, strangely, am loath to part with. I’ve never been to Piers Gav, admittedly, but I imagine a similar scenario. Promised decadence and debauchery descending into girls called Cassandra chewing their faces off and giving semi-conscious (bitey) blowjobs to boys dressed as woodland creatures.

But this year at QB I plan to ‘really go for it’. I’m thinking vajazzles, boobage, maybe I’ll even encourage a whimsical bit of space dogging (look it up) – although that would call for a creepy amount of forethought. I call upon you, dear readers, to join me. And if not, that girl you’ll see running around with her baps out and a lustful look in her eye? That will be me. That, I repeat, will be me.

In the closet

0

A standard way to improve sartorial practice is to read what others have to say about the subject, the opportunities for which overflow from the bookshelves and the magazine racks. The contents of the latter deliver-up as Revealed Truth whatever currently features in fashionable shop windows, most of which is better left on display. Books tend to be more impartial, but the general rule still applies, that the quality of the advice is inversely related to the number of admonishments to buy things, including bald statements that: ‘Every man needs at least five dress shirts, four suits, two pairs of shoes, and polished brass fittings on his mahogany shoe trees.’

Having made something of a study of these books, the advice from In the Closet is to begin and end with The Modern Gentleman: A Guide to Essential Manners, Savvy & Vice. Anything written by two chaps named Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro must be fabulous, and it is. Be not alarmed, but comforted, that the title makes no reference to ‘style’, ‘dress’ or ‘fashion’, for while these matters are dealt with in due course, the book’s main achievement is to imbue readers with that particular lightness of being that derives from confidence, or at least capability, in all types of social intercourse. People in this state of mind naturally make better selections from their own closet, and regardless, seem to be appreciated as having done so by those whom they encounter in their jocund run of life.

The worst of the lot, or at least representative of this, is called Mr Jones’ Rules for the Modern Man. It is by Dylan Jones, presently the editor of the magazine GQ UK, a kind of soft core sartorial pornography. The book amounts to a pallid extension of this, a series of poorly-aimed thrusts plainly designed to stoke the consumptive impulse. Hence, aphorisms like ‘a gentleman never wears brown shoes at night’ masquerade as ‘practical advice’, next to instructions on how to read a newspaper without actually reading a newspaper. Thankfully, the latter works for magazines, too.

Dinner gets just desserts

0

Bella Hammad’s entrance, two minutes into the preview, won me over to this production. She rushes in and the piece sparkles to life with a tirade about her dreadful journey through the fog, and a hilarious account of her husband’s affair with ‘Pam’. Laughing out loud does rather undermine the supposedly intimidating status of the reviewer, but it was impossible not to, and the rest of the production followed in style.

On the face of it, Moira Buffini’s Dinner seems like a standard ‘dinner party’ play: Paige (Charlotte Mulliner) is holding a small party in honour of the success of husband Lars’s (Matt Gavan) new book, a neo- philosophical self-help guide. The guests are an amusingly odd assortment: a bohemian erotic artist Wynne, whose husband Bob has left her since she painted a portrait of his genitals, and the newlyweds Sian and Hal (a ‘newsbabe’ and a microbiologist). They are later joined unexpectedly by a young thief, Mike. And comedy ensues. A witty script and eccentric characters in a social setting always make for entertainment.

But even the opening alerts us to the fact that this is going to be a bit different. The play opens with Paige telling a statuesque waiter, played unnervingly by Jean-Patrick Vieu in total silence, to follow the instructions she has given him to the letter – providing in the process a sinister framework for what is to come. She then proceeds to kiss him passionately – without him responding – and sets the tone for the entire evening, which is both Paige’s ‘design’, and frankly, weird.
What follows is a starter of ‘Primordial Soup’ (an inedible mix of soup and algae), ‘Apocalypse of Lobster’ (the guests must choose whether to free or kill their main course), and ‘Frozen Waste’ dessert (literally frozen garbage). Between courses the guests are expected to play a game which requires them to talk on specially selected subjects placed in envelopes, such as ‘suicide attempts’, which spark conflict and a series of dramatic revelations, including divorce, pregnancy, and robbery. We start to see the more emotional motivations behind sarky Paige’s orchestrated evening in a poignant moment when for her topic she asks Lars to get the ‘envelope’ he received a month previously, and Mulliner’s composure breaks down.

What struck me most about the production was its energy. The pace was snappy, it never dragged, and the actors genuinely looked like they were having a whale of a time. The relationships between characters are constantly being developed even when the focus isn’t on them; Sian (Chloe Wicks) and Hal (Rhys Bevan) said little in the scenes I was shown in comparison to some others, but the tension between them was clear throughout, and made their outburst not entirely unexpected. Even when moments of seriousness are defused with comedy, it does not undermine the issues being highlighted. Lars’sbook is the basis of the dinner party, but its philosophy is also used to underline the party’s futility.

From a visual point of view, directors Rob Hoare Nairne and Anna Fox explain that they are trying to break away from the ‘twee’ dinner party theme with a specially made trapezium-shaped table to give the audience a perspective of the guests. This will be added to by the theme of black, white and ‘metal’, with square plates and spirits instead of wine, and accompanied by a DJ remix of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. None of that can disguise that it is a dinner party themed play. But it doesn’t matter in the slightest – I could not recommend more that everyone who can should go and watch this – even if you’re not a regular play-goer. It’s well acted, very funny and has a ‘huge twist’ at the end which Anna Fox frustratingly refused to reveal, but which I will.