St Peter’s JCR President Rob Collier was named “King” of the college by undergraduates at a meeting on Monday.

A light-hearted motion was passed giving Rob the title and ordering his execution at the French Revolution-themed college ball on May 7th.
His Royal Highness commented, “The promotion to JCR King was certainly not something I was expecting to happen when I first ran for the role of President.

“As with anything, just have to take it your stride and hope it doesn’t get too bloody – though I’m not sure there is the guarantee of a pain-free execution at the ‘C’est la Revolution’ Ball.”

The execution will conclude the reign of the monarch and dismantle his ancien regime.

“The Ball Committee are doing a fantastic job in all departments- the Ball is the talk of our common room and I’m very pleased that I can be involved past the usual capacity of President,” added Collier.

The drive to execute the president seems to have arisen spontaneously from amongst members of the College. The Ball Committee Co-President, Stephen Dunne, said, “I had no idea the motion was even being discussed, and it has come as a bit of a shock even to me!

“I think the motion is really fun; it lets us be at our most creative when planning it. It’s good to have a challenge to combine the debauched lifestyle of the aristocracy pre-revolution with the murder and hysteria of the revolution itself.”

The ‘death of the King’, to be proclaimed at the ball, will be the climax of a series of mock executions using a faux guillotine on a raised platform.

Zoe Apostolides, a second year student reading English, said, “I fully support our cheeky new king, and the whole idea of “executing” him is exactly the sort of macabre twist a French Revolution ball needs.
“It’ll give him the chance to commit all sorts of banditry before the Big Night – bring it on Rob Rex.”

The new monarchy has inspired enthusiasm amongst students as well as staff. History tutor Nicholas Cole commented, “The ancient historian Polybius predicted that all political communities will cycle endlessly through democratic and monarchical forms of government over time, and it seems that JCRs are no exception.

“The responsible undergraduates of St Peter’s JCR have clearly decided to embrace this fate in a characteristically thoughtful and orderly fashion.”

The new monarchy at St Peter’s College is not unprecedented. St Hugh’s passed a similar motion in November last year, appointing an unelected College monarch who would make speeches at formal hall or at the openings of new buildings and refer to themselves in the third person.

A recent study by the London School of Economics suggests that there is a link between beauty and IQ.

The new research shows that there is a significant positive correlation between physical attractiveness and general intelligence, both with and without controls for social class, body size and health.

The news has been welcomed by Oxford students, who last year were collectively deemed the ugliest university in the UK by MTV show ‘The Freshers’. The same programme also found Oxford students to be “the worst behaved in Britain.”

Former Fit College champion Chris De Beneducci reflected that “Oxford has a bad reputation, but I do think the top drawer contains some absolute stunners”.

In the past, Oxford alumni have been internationally recognised for their beauty. New College produced actor Hugh Grant, who was voted the seventh sexiest man alive in a poll for People Magazine, as well as actress Kate Beckinsale who came twelfth in FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women in 2008.

History student Matthew Chan, of University Challenge fame and namesake of the Facebook group ‘Matthew Chan: phwoar’ responded to the news with characteristic sarcasm. “I’m good looking? My calculations hadn’t anticipated this.”

Chan told Cherwell he has his own theory on the matter. “My feeling is that the preconception that smart people have to be ugly, and beautiful people have to be dim, is a kind of division of labour idea in which society runs more efficiently if some people exist just to do the work of looking good and nothing else, and others exist just to do the thinking.

“The fact that there are people who are both good looking and smart just isn’t economically efficient.”

Rachel Burrows, of Worcester College, was not entirely convinced by the findings either, commenting, “I think you have two categories of boys in Oxford; the pretty ones who struggle to find a personality, and the genuinely nice but slightly nerdy looking ones”.

“The men just don’t cut it in comparison to the girls in general”.
The study also showed that people who are good-looking attract partners who are both beautiful and intelligent. As a result, the children of these couples will tend to inherit both of these qualities too.

Third year chemist Michael Frazis certainly hopes so. His father George Frazis, who is CEO of Westpac New Zealand, was recently voted the 27th hottest man in Auckland.

MPs voted on Wednesday to scrap Education Maintenance Allowance in England.

Labour had called on the government to rethink its plans to axe the means-tested grant, which is given to students who stay in education past 16, but lost to a coalition majority of 59 votes.

It was confirmed in October that the EMA was to be cancelled as part of the UK’s budget cuts, and applications have already been closed to students who would be claiming an allowance of the 2011/12 academic year.

The government justified their move by arguing that the current system was inefficient, with Education Secretary Michael Gove claiming the allowance had been “poorly targeted”.

A protest was staged by students outside Parliament, whilst within, Labour’s education spokesman, Andy Burnham, claimed that social mobility would be “thrown into reverse” and that it was an attack on the aspirations of young people.

Gove responded that “you cannot spend money you do not have”.
The grants are of up to £30 a week and were intended to be spent on course necessities, books and transport.

The decision comes despite research published on Tuesday by the University and College Union which suggested that 70% of students in the poorest areas would drop out of college if they no longer received their EMA payments.

Oxford uses the EMA as a part of the contextual data used to gauge student’s academic background, and therefore to help in the process of selecting those student’s with the best academic potential.

Laura Bromely, a second year student at Trinity, said, “Even though it may be inefficient, it certainly helps many students through A level education which they otherwise wouldn’t have access to, and to scrap this assistance would mean places like Oxford in particular could lose bright, academically gifted candidates due to financial barriers”.

Aaron Porter, NUS president, said that the EMA was a “vital lifeline” for young people.

The government says it plans to support poorer students through a discretionary fund administered by colleges, which it aims to triple from its existing level of £26 million.

Scottish and Southern Energy (SSE) will restore power to the lights on the Northern side of Magdalen Bridge next week after a power fault which has left it in darkness for more than a month.

The company are now in breach of statutory requirements as the repair has not been rectified, despite stipulations that “energy contractors must repair street lighting faults within 20 working days” of the initial referral.

As a result of enquiries made by Cherwell and City Councillor Tony Brett, it has been announced that the required works will take place late next week.

Tony Brett, a Liberal Democrat Councillor for Carfax, originally made a complaint to the County Council on the 9th December and repeatedly contacted the Council about the problem.

Brett expressed concern that there may be “tragic consequences” if “without street lighting a cyclist in dark clothing or lights pulls out and a car, or worse, bus driver, doesn’t see them,” and asked that the matter be given priority.

Both female and male students have reported feeling increasingly fearful when crossing the bridge in darkness. “It feels much less safe at night”, Heidi Grek, a visiting student currently living near Cowley Road, told Cherwell. “I try to avoid walking home alone but that’s not always possible.”

A number of students also admit to cycling without bike lights or safety measures.

A spokesperson for the County Council has confirmed that SSE will be penalised, stating, “We will claim penalty payments at £10 a day, for every day over the 20 working days the fault is outstanding.”

The fine seems insufficient to some of those affected. “It just seems to be a nominal penalty”, commented Grek. “£10 per day isn’t a lot to a company whose individual shares routinely trade at ten times that.”

Anger remains over the time it has taken SSE to rectify the fault. Councillor Brett commented, “It’s a real shame this repair has taken such a long time, leaving Magdalen Bridge so dangerous at this late-dawn and early-dusk time of the year.

“I’d like to know why SSE didn’t repair the fault before term started as I know that many students feel unsafe enough as it is walking over the bridge, without having to do it in the dark.”

Construction has begun on a tunnel under the city which will provide extra electricity for the university’s labs.

The first phase of the 33kv cable’s life began last week at Osney Island and will involve tunnelling under the River Thames, Park End Street, Gloucester Street and St Giles. The project will take three and a half months.

Local citizens have complained about the disruption caused by the drilling, with one family even having their water supply cut off by engineers.

City councillor Susanna Pressell said the lack of information given to residents about the work was “disgraceful”, but the University has maintained that the work is necessary in order to meet the power demands of the science area for the next fifty years.

Oxford Brookes has become one of just eight remaining teams in the BBC’s University Challenge after beating Christ’s College Cambridge in the quarter-final last Monday.

The team have been training for five months with coach Dr Ian Bayley, a Senior Lecturer in Computing and former DPhil student of Balliol College. He has appeared on the show twice himself, in 1997 and 2001, when working for other universities.

Dr Bayley said that “the team’s talent was apparent” from the early stages. He remarked that “this is a great result against one of the country’s top universities and it shows how incredibly talented our students can be.”

The team was helped by Oxford University students, being invited to take part in Oxford’s Intercollegiate Quiz and taking on Exeter and St John’s in practice matches.

Oxford’s Magdalen College is also through to the quarter finals of the competition.

Universities and colleges in London, including Imperial College and King’s, are being asked to report to police on the organisation of student demonstrations on their campuses.

In an email, an officer from Counter Terrorism Command working on the Prevent programme, which tackles extremism, said the Met anticipated a “renewed vigour” at protests that could target finance departments to highlight concern over funding cuts. It advises drafting contingency plans against student occupations.

The officer added, “I would be grateful if in your capacity at your various colleges that should you pick up any relevant information that would be helpful to all of us to anticipate possible demonstrations or occupations, please forward it onto me.”

A former government minister has criticised Oxford for providing free lunches for college dons as students face a massive rise in tuition fees.

David Lammy, former Labour minister for Higher Education, called the provision of free meals “antiquated” and said Oxford academics should not be allowed a “free lunch on the taxpayer”.

The tradition of dons dining together is long-standing at Oxford, although arrangements vary from college to college.

Speaking at question time in the Commons, Mr Lammy said, “Can it be right that we are asking students to pay more when there are clearly some universities that have not sorted out their inefficiencies?”

He added, “If universities want to charge students treble what they are paying now, they have to do their bit to make the degrees value for money.

“It can’t just be the students that foot the bill. The dons have to give up their perks too. If all the cuts are being passed on to students, then there has to be a review, not just of access but also of antiquated practices.”

However, a spokeswoman for the University said, “Oxford college lunches are not funded by the taxpayer, nor by student fees. The public funding colleges receive for undergraduate teaching nowhere near covers the costs of undergraduate teaching, let alone covering any other college costs.

“In fact, both the central University and the colleges heavily subsidise the cost of undergraduate teaching from their own private funds, and will continue to do so under any future student finance arrangements.”

The University said entitlement to meals in college was more than “just a job perk” and that it is “part of the close-knit and interdisciplinary nature of Oxford’s unique college environment where academics from different disciplines can gather and share ideas.”

Alex Wright, a second year History student, said, “Dons deserve a free meal every now and then. Oxford is a world-class university, and these traditions are part of its history. David Lammy is missing the point.”

Students at Corpus Christi will join the rest of the country in getting the day off for the royal wedding, meaning that many will have to return earlier for Trinity collections.

Senior Tutor John Watts explained in an email to students that no collections would be held on Friday 29th April, the date set for William and Kate’s nuptials, “to allow loyal subjects to celebrate the royal wedding”. The date was declared a bank holiday after the couple announced their engagement in November.

Watts told Cherwell, “We were just mindful that it’s a public holiday and that, as a result, there won’t be any clerical or administrative staff around on Friday and Saturday when we would normally have held collections.

“We also thought students might have felt rather sore at having to sit exams when most people are enjoying the day off and some will be watching the celebrations.”

JCR President Jack Evans said, “Students don’t get many bank holidays in Oxford, so I’m sure that the JCR are going to celebrate appropriately. We have huge plans which are secret at the moment, but I can tell you that they will be tortoise-related.”

He explained that the JCR respect that the support staff are entitled to a bank holiday and that the tutors are unable to man the collections by themselves.

However, the news has not had a positive reception from all students. Upon discovery that he may have to cut short his Easter vacation to take exams, one Corpus PPE student, Sam Kelly, said, “Disgraceful. Yet another argument for republicanism.”