Friday 5th December 2025
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Oxford women net an emphatic victory

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One of the drawbacks of living next to the Cherwell’s Sport Editor is that when you happen to have sat through an entire game of netball it becomes a racing certainty that you will have to pen a few thoughts for the benefit of the readership. However, I am happy to do so as the performance I witnessed was not only truly impressive but a revelation to me.

My reason for attending, which I tried to stress to the friends who raised an eyebrow when I said I was spending my Wednesday afternoon watching a girl’s netball match alone, was to see an old friend who was representing Warwick’s team.

The game was dominated by Oxford with the final score a fair reflection of their comprehensive dismantling of Warwick’s 1st team. The sequencing of passing was both fluid and accurate; this was clearly a team who had learnt to anticipate each other’s positioning on court to great effect.

It did not take long for the goal shooter to be given the chance to score, which she capitalized on almost without fail. By the end of the first quarter the pattern of play had been established and Warwick did not seem able to offer anything to disrupt Oxford’s seamless passage of passes.

The main impetus for Oxford’s impressive scoring rate was a strong performance from Sarah Godlee at goal attack, who is new to the team, combined with Nat Hoon, goal shooter, who put the game beyond the reach of Warwick. However, the standout performance of the match came from Hannah McKay in goal defence who made a series of effortless interceptions in the circle and midcourt to neutralize any resistance that Warwick could offer.

It was a credit to the team as a whole that despite securing the match early on the girls continued to demonstrate an exceptionally high standard of netball to the final whistle. The ease of victory was all the more remarkable given that this was the first game of the season and the first time the girls had all played together; in these early stages it would seem that this is a team to watch this year.
I have to confess that this was actually the first full game of netball I have watched; yet despite initially going just to see a friend I was entertained and enthralled throughout, so if you are stuck for something to do of an afternoon, get yourself down to Iffley and support a little publicized but very talented side.

Oxford 63

Warwick 5

Not quite stuck in the mud

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There is always a little taste of chaos at cross country Cuppers. With a broad field full of hopeful freshers, Varsity selection in the balance, and more mud underfoot than the Ypres Salient, you invariably get the feeling that the first race of the cross country season is going to spring a few surprises.

So did Cuppers deliver on its shock value this year? Yes and no. Yes, some complete unknowns performed brilliantly in both the men’s and women’s races, and St Anne’s celebrated an unexpected victory. But no, the big names turned in big performances, led by Green Templeton’s supercharged Dave Bruce.

The women’s race was tightly contested. Established Blue Clare Kane (Christ Church) led from the start, but was made to work hard for the win by newcomer Ella Waldman (Somerville). Waldman kept Kane’s lead as slippery as the treacherous course, and in the end she finished only six seconds behind Kane’s credible 22:01.

Third place was a tight squeeze between Noelle Lopez (Balliol), the women’s vice captain, and last year’s captain Natasha Poole (Hilda’s). The two experienced runners kept in sight of the leaders and battled all the way along the 6k course, but in the end Poole capped off a superb return from injury with a strong finish to claim the bronze with some 20 seconds to spare. Becky Gardner (Catz) and Cait Mullarkey (Trinity) also ran well to finish fifth and sixth respectively.

Uppity freshers ran riot in the men’s race. Dave Bruce came in 40 seconds clear of the field with an outstanding 32:51 over a course that by now resembled an ugly chocolate mousse, but he trailed carnage in his wake. Four virgin runners broke into the top ten, led by the excellent Fabe Downs (LMH) in second. Downs had to fend off fellow fresher Fraser Scott (Lincoln) and OUCCC veteran Michael Osborne (New). It was Osborne, running as a guest, who took third with 33:45, while Scott crashed home a few seconds behind.

Close behind, Tom Frith (St Anne’s) held off Jonathan Pearson-Stuttard (Christ Church) for fifth. A threatening and much improved Alan Cherry stormed in seventh ahead of Adam Lewandowski and Peter Hodkinson. Club Secretary Carl Assmundson rounded off the top ten with a fair 34:57 after a long spell on the sidelines. St Anne’s showed great strength further down the field to take the title.

With many Blues hopefuls either looking on in their tracksuits, gingerly returning or just downright absent, it’s probably too early to draw any lasting conclusions from Cuppers. But OUCCC Captain Dave Taylor – who finished a gentlemanly 15th – will have been encouraged by the healthy crop of freshers as he looks to overcome Cambridge for the third year running.

The best news for the club are the strong 34 runners, who despite the mud bath, all clocked in under 40 minutes. Taylor will hope to reverse a history of defeat in the open mob matches. The sound of feet squelching over this awful course must have been music to his ears. Chaos, yes, but it is just this kind of chaos the OUCCC want to take over to Cambridge in November.

Vince Cable is a no show

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Vince Cable has cancelled his talk in Oxford merely a day before his due arrival. His choice to cancel was a response to a police notification that a large student protest was planned.

A spokesperson for the Liberal Democrats was unable to comment, however University officials have confirmed his change of plans.

Students are still planning to go ahead with the protest, and maintain that it was always intended to be peaceful. The protest against the Browne Review proposals announced this month is expected to be one of the largest Oxford student protests in recent years.

News Roundup: Second week

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Naomi Richman and Camilla Turner discuss the consequences of the Browne Review, and whether Oxford will turn into Disneyland.

For King and Country

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It must be said that archery has come a long way since the days of Agincourt. Archers now have much more advanced bows than the bent sticks used in the Hundred Years War; archery equipment is now made out a variety of materials including aluminium, wood, foam and, of course, carbon fibre.

There are three main types of bow used today. The most common is the recurve bow. More technical than this is the compound; with a system of pulleys that take the weight off the draw, making it easier to pull back. Finally there are the longbows still pining for the days of shooting down a French knight – longbow archers from the wreckage of the Mary Rose were actually found to have one shoulder bigger than the other as a result of archery.

Oxford University Company of Archers is one of the larger clubs in the country. The club competes in the midlands archery league and has finished in the top six at the university nationals three times in the last two years (indoor and outdoor). However, it is not all about the competitions (or the training – we try not to make people deformed!). For those not fussed about competitions, just turn up to a session and have some fun. Beginners are more than welcome at the club and training is offered to as high a level as you want to take it.

Cherwell photo blog – Week 3

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Fancy yourself as a photographer?

Want your photographs from around and about Oxford seen by the thousands of people who visit the Cherwell website every day?

If so, why not send a few of your snaps into [email protected]

 

Saturday – St John’s from St Giles – William Granger

 

Friday – Aerialist at the Regal – Sophie Balfour-Lynn

 

Thursday – Small Audience – Jason Sengel

 

Wednesday – SWP Protest in central Oxford – Alexander Lunt

 

Tuesday – Barbeque on Headington Park – Clare Richards

 

Monday – Monitoring Little Clarendon – Urska Mali

 

Sunday – Man on Parks Road – Lauri Saksa

Time to lose the NUS

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I’m more than a bit fed up with the NUS. This is a body which seems to exist solely to further the political aspirations of those involved, and spends most of its time playing politics at the expense of the least fortunate pupils and students in this country. Their response to the Browne review demonstrates how politicised they have become, and how willing they are to sacrifice what they proclaim to believe in.

 

Today the Lib Dems effectively ruled out removing the cap on fees. This is a move that will only make a difference to the richest of graduates, and which puts thousands of pounds back in their pockets. With repayments and interest rates both capped under Browne’s recommendations, the poorest graduates pay back less than they do under current system, only the better off pay more, and nobody pays back more than they can afford. The loan is also written off after a set period, so nobody is followed by the spectre of debt into their old age.

 

The status quo on the other hand treats almost everybody the same, with someone on £25,000 being hit harder than someone on £250 million. More to the point, the status quo has our university educations being subsidised by bottom rate taxpayers struggling to make ends meet, and who have never received any direct benefit from university. If we get the benefit, we should bear the cost.

 

The only problem with Browne is that headline fee levels might put off students from lower income backgrounds. This, I agree, is a serious issue. However, it is not insurmountable. Proper careers advice and responsible media reporting would let poorer students know that they will never be asked for more than they can afford, and the sums they pay will only be large if their salaries are as well.

 

This is where the NUS come in. The primary reason this problem exists, and that thousands of school children across Britain think they can’t afford to pay for university, is because the NUS tell them that. They come on TV and tell pupils that if you’re not from Eton, you can’t afford it. They pronounce in the papers that it’ll be infinitely harder for children from state schools. And these children believe them. They believe the students put in place to look after them, who take more interest in getting a column in that week’s Guardian than in opening up access.

 

For once, a fairer system of university funding is being proposed. One that makes it easier for lower income graduates to repay their debts, and that stops lumbering taxpayers with the cost of our tutorials. Sadly a bunch of people are too busy targeting their £65,738 salaries in Westminster to think about the multitudes of people who benefit from fairer repayments, and the schoolchildren whose aspiration is crushed by their false tales of impossible fees.

Claim your right to rewrite the new writing

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If you haven’t heard of the OUDS New Writing Festival, don’t worry. You shouldn’t have. Until last year, the festival consisted of a paltry six plays submitted by students who scribbled some dialogue in their notebook when they should have been taking notes in Shakespeare lectures.

But last year, for reasons unknown, the festival exploded into an actual honest-to-God festival, a massive thirty-eight play competition. The OUDS Committee was forced to pull all-nighters, reading all thirty-eight plays and whittling the stack down to about a dozen.
These dozen scripts were then passed on to the Soho Theatre’s literary associate, Helen Eastman. Eastman pulled an all-nighter, and cut the pile down to six. These were in turn forwarded to the super-playwright Michael Frayn, of Copenhagen fame. It is not known how well he slept that night. But four battered and coffee-ringed scripts staggered onto the BT stage last Hilary, representing the gleaming cream of Oxford playwriting.

And now the circus is beginning again, and the OUDS Secretary has a message for hopeful new writers: ‘Write! Please write! Submit! It’s the chance of a lifetime that happens only once a year! Do it! Write! Stop reading this article and start writing!’. If you are still reading this article, you should know that there are enticing rumours of playwright Christopher Hampton and director Trevor Nunn being asked to judge the Festival this year which might actually make this a chance of a lifetime if you fancy two of the biggest names in theatre reading over your script.

For any of you who missed last year’s NWF and are scratching your heads for inspiration, a safe bet would be to do a remix of last year’s four finalist plays to make sure you cover all the bases. The Cherwell has helpfully provided you with a basic outline for you to flesh out individually:

Act 1: Don’t have your main character ever come on stage. Have all your other characters talk about her and her conspicuous absence. If it’s a boy, have them talk about his penchant for wanking or bribing women with pizza.

Act 2: Enter Odd Character Inexplicably Wearing Wig and Heels. This one should be a boy, for the effect to really hit home on your audience. Channel Beckett with lines like, ‘What if?’ ‘If what?’ ‘Who, you?’ ‘Me. Who?’

Act 3: Then have a brief interlude with a new character who does magic tricks. It would be nice to give one of the smaller characters a corresponding monologue about something along the lines of God/Life/Escape/Death accompanied by physical theatre-style gestures.

Act 4: Then have Incredibly Attractive Woman enter in a ballgown. Make her do the splits and do a poetry-slam style version of a Shakespearian monologue.

Act 5: Let it be disturbingly interrupted by a boy describing a woman’s breasts. Channel Beckett again and require that this goes on for at least six minutes. Have Attractive Woman do a backflip into this boy’s arms. Play a Regina Spektor song and have all the other characters drink Strongbow. DO NOT bring on the absent main character at all costs. Lights out.

The deadline for the New Writing Festival submissions is Friday of 5th week. Email [email protected] with any questions. Visit www.ouds.org/New_Writing_Festival for rules of entry.

Review: Despicable Me

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Animated films always seem to fit into two different camps; either they are awful cash cows (‘A Shark’s Tale’, ‘Shrek 3’) or they are true labours of love (‘Toy Story 3’, ‘Shrek’). It has become a rare find to watch an animated children’s film that takes the middle road, but ‘Despicable Me’ is it. Not revolutionary, but not something that has been quickly made to fill a gap in schedules.

‘Despicable Me’, like Pixar’s ‘The Incredibles’, is set in a comic-book like setting where villains exist, but strangely there is no caped crusader or masked vigilante in sight. In fact, being a villain is its own profession, with paid minions and a Bank of Evil to get loans from. Gru, voiced by Steve Carrell, is not the sort of villain that you would send Jack Bauer after; styled like a French cartoon character, his most evil acts seem to be stealing monuments from Vegas or bursting children’s balloons. Saying this, his big plot of the century is to steal the moon and then sell it back for fame and fortune, and to help him with this he has the great inventor, cockney Dr Nefario, expertly voiced by Russell Brand. And of course he also has his army of yellow, worm like minions. These numerous minions are reminiscent of the game Lemmings – they act as very effective comic relief. With all the ‘Looney Tune’ like physical gags as well as cute voice work and costumes, the minions are easily the second best part of the film, with the greatest part being the orphans Margo, Edith and Agnes. These 3 girls provide the heart of the film, as they are all so sweet together with Gru that they create the warmest moments that will melt your heart.

Outside of this Gru/orphans dynamic, the film ends up being pretty run-of-the-mill, which makes it rather dull at times. The supporting cast of Jason Segel and Julie Andrews are very good, but the story and script are just not complex nor mature enough. This may seem harsh given that this is a kids’ film, but many great movies for children have worked around this and managed to entertain both adults and children equally. However, there are a quite a lot of chuckles with some genuinely laugh out loud moments. The 3D was also used exceptionally well; in fact, it might be the best use of 3D I have ever seen (apologies to James Cameron), but even with all this, the whole production feels very middle ground. There is no new way of looking at the genre, the story or the characters. Perhaps if it was released 10 or so years ago it would have seemed slightly more original and impressive, but unfortunately with all the high caliber animation movie-goers see at the moment, being adequate just isn’t good enough. That is not to say audiences should give this film a miss – it is worth seeing – but don’t expect too much from it. You will leave the cinema smiling, but will forget the film as soon as that smile fades.

Throw Ken overboard, before it’s too late

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Ken Livingstone’s always been a maverick, and isn’t exactly known for doing what he’s told. This week he has overstepped the mark. The election for Mayor of Tower Hamlets has been marred in controversy, with the Labour candidate initially selected being removed by the NEC after allegations of extremism. The NEC, fearful of ousting a Muslim and replacing him with the white man who came second, put the third place candidate up instead. Lutfur Rahman, the displaced candidate, has just beaten his replacement and won his election as Mayor of Tower Hamlets.

 

So what does this have to do with Ken? Well despite Labour Party rules forbidding any party member campaigning against a party candidate, he spent the entire run up to the election campaigning for Rahman. Eleven Labour Party members, including eight councillors, have been thrown out of the Party for this offence. Ken, however, seems immune. There has been no official comment from Labour, and Ed Miliband has remained completely silent.

 

What is perhaps most worrying, is that regardless of whether the allegations submitted against Rahman were true, his views are certainly not ones the Labour Party, or any party, should be endorsing. Rahman’s activists heckled women on their way to the polls for their ‘immodest dress’, no doubt scaring many away from voting. Rahman himself has been noted as attending a “Spot the Fag” game at a local mosque.

 

I would expect any candidate, for any party, who endorses such behaviour to be removed from that party. As in Rahman’s case, they may go on to be elected, and it is right that we should respect democracy where it speaks, but that does not mean our national political parties should allow such views to simmer within their ranks. Similarly, party members who not only defy the Constitution of the party they purport to represent, but tie themselves to a campaign so murky as this, should too be expelled.

 

Ken Livingstone cannot enjoy the luxury of Labour’s campaign funds whilst opposing and embarrassing the Party in public. He must either integrate himself into what Labour is now and commit to that mission, or leave. In this case, Ed Miliband should summon up some courage and ensure he’s pushed.